Love::Misunderstanding
by Hachi-miitsu
Summary: AU. When Roxas first meets him,Axel is just another dick who can't keep his mouth shut or his hands to himself. But Axel's persistent,and Roxas soon finds himself dragged into an unfair world where darkness eats away light like a disease.Even worse, an old flame from Axel's past comes back to reclaim him...at any cost. Follow Roxas as he fights for his life,his sanity,and his love.
1. Prologue

**_**Kingdom Hearts is a Square Enix Master piece...so to Square EnixXxXx I say thank you. Thank you veeeery much, and also to any artists whose songs Ima using. The credit for them will be after the chapter as far as lyrcial acknowledgement and stuff. Stephan's original idea, my work (with his permission). This is as you might have already guessed an AU of Axel and Roxas...to which I snicker.**_**

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><p><strong><em>Prologue<em>**

**_March 11, 2012 5:45 pm_**

Roxas drummed the edge of his laptop, an irate rhythm. He ignored the fact that his fingers were aching without having yet typed a word. He was aware of the nervous butterflies that escaped from his stomach and turned his blood into a rush of ice.

The honey-blonde reached forward once. He dropped his hands and tapped out another beat, sucking a very pink, very soft bottom lip between his teeth in concentration. A frown marred his lightly tanned brow as he set his fingers into place.

Blink.

Blink.

Twitch.

Blink.

Finally, with sweat dripping down his jaw line, Roxas typed.

"**Being gay is…"**

Pause. Cough. Blink. Twitch.

Being gay was…?

Roxas nodded.

"**Being gay is hard. Not the funny ha-ha kind of hard. It can be heartbreaking, lonely, and…difficult. To be gay is to usher in something that everyone else is scared of because you are strong enough to accept who you really are. It is something that religion crushes under its heel; something that _logical _thinkers scoff at. (No, Greeks don't count in this equation.) But it's not…"**

Roxas flexed his fingers and fought the urge to lean back in his chair.

"…**it's not a choice. Sexual orientation is different from _sexual behavior_ because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Not actions, but the essence of a human. Forty years ago it was okay to discriminate against Blacks and Hispanics and Jews. But those minorities cracked down even harder on gays. People in the LGBT community are still denied even the most basic human rights by the general populace. No. Take it just a step further; for many public officials and opinion-makers, the expression of homophobic prejudice remains both legitimate and respectable—in a manner that would be unacceptable for any other minority."**

Blue eyes darkened and narrowed as flashes of memories flitted across his mind's eye. He was jolted from his reminisces by the creak of the front door. Roxas sighed and rose to his feet. He reached his hands up towards the ceiling and stretched until his spine popped.

"Having fun?"

Roxas squeaked and snapped his eyes open. Axel smirked and leaned all his weight onto one cocky hip with his brow raised. The first couple of buttons were left undone on the white dress shirt that appeared to have been made just for him and the creamy column of flesh that it exposed...

Roxas swallowed but didn't say anything. The two men stood, regarding each other for the longest moment before Axel stirred. He pushed himself from the wall and stalked forward in a methodical way that made the hair on Roxas's nape stand up.

"I was just…" The blonde gestured lamely at the laptop behind him.

Axel's other brow arched. "So you were. Here, let me help."

Roxas yelped when Axel scooped him up and lumbered over to the plush leather arm chair. He took a seat and plopped his partner into his lap. Roxas protested in a grand display of 'harumph's, and 'I can do it's for a moment until a perfect row of pearlescent teeth sunk into his shoulder. Axel reached around the struggling man and began to type. Roxas grabbed onto his wrists but, in the end, realized this was a losing battle.

"**But that is neither here nor there. It's said that every story has already been told. Every song has already been sung. Oh well. It's surprising how extraordinary a tale as ordinary as love can still be."**

"Axel!"

The redhead blinked and looked down at the squirming man in his lap. "Hm?"

"Don't write that!"

Axel didn't reply as a toothy grin spread across his face. His fingers were moving in tandem with the clicking keys again.

"**I hear the love of my life come in and set his stuff down. I know what will happen next: he'll come up behind me and wrap his arms around my shoulders. He'll hold me and zone off for a while in silence. And then he'll kiss me. He is my lover. He is my life. And this is our story."**

Roxas hid his face in his hands and groaned. After a moment he worked up the courage to peer through his fingers at his shameless...yeah. Lover. His ears burned.

"It's really been six years, hasn't it?" The redhead draped himself over Roxas and tucked the younger man's head under his chin. Roxas blinked and relaxed into the touch out of habit.

"Yeah", he sighed. "It really has." Roxas felt Axel nod as his chest rumbled with a hum. He indulged himself a little longer then squirmed. "I gotta get back to work."

"_This_ isn't work. And it'll come. But first…" Axel rose languidly to his feet and Roxas had to cling like a monkey so he wouldn't go plummeting to the floor…it was a long way down.

"Oh no", Roxas groaned. "Come on, I have work to do."

"Oh yes. Yes, you do."

"Put me down you brute. And…uhm. Leon! Leon said he'd be over in a bit. We can't do this now."

"Honey I'm home—"

"Axel!"

"And I've had a hard day—"

"Nooo!"

Roxas worked up the courage to let go of Axel and fell with a yelp. He scrambled to his feet and ran to the bedroom in hopes of locking it and keeping a certain red-haired beast at bay. Axel closed his eyes as the lock clicked and another smirk pulled at his lips. Green eyes slid open with a cat's grin as the tall man pulled a mangled bobby pin out of his pocket. He looked at the laptop—still with many words yet to be written—and whistled a happy tune as he ambled towards their bedroom.

Depressing stories could come later. For now, there were butts to be sexed.

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><p><strong>Aaaah? Aaaaah? *nudge, nudge* I am very sneaky sirs and madams~! Got a little Shania Twain in there xP <strong>

**So I guess the question comes down to, review...or re-view? Ha. Word play. Ha ha...ha. Soooo many levels of lame here. **


	2. Chapter 1: Pro Meets Con

_**Phew~ Now then as I mentioned previously, musical props will go to the artists at the end of the chapter mk? I don't make any profit off this and Square Enix owns exclusive rights to dangle their creativeness in our faces. Because we only WISH we could be that cool...with hair that defied gravity and big poofy shorts and...okay, I'm done.**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter One<strong>: **Pro meets Con; Guess Which is Which**_

**_September 12, 2007 ; a very early 7:45 am_**

_"When destruction is upon them, souls drunk in foolishness retreat to the blissful ether of ignorance. Life. Nature. Civilization. If you live longer than all three, you see them reduced to what they really are—ugly lumps of desire. Humans are weak, therefore I shall rise above them. I will take what I look down upon for myself and capture all in my illusion. The recklessness of a lone person gives birth to struggle which, in turn, is made of many sacrifices."_

Irritation pricked at the blonde's soul as he slammed his book shut and got to his feet. Sometimes it wasn't worth it to crawl out of bed. This was one of those mornings. And the passage rubbed him wrong. It was like the universe was trying to tell him something.

_You're just tired._

His muscles creaked as he trotted down the white hall, past closed doors and rows of grey lockers. The final bell rang and he hissed a quiet curse as he forced himself to slow down. He was late. On his first day.

Roxas Meguriaukagi sighed heavily as he forced himself to walk towards his new homeroom and what was arguably his impending doom. For any other kid, this might be a blank slate. A fresh start. For Roxas, age seventeen, the fresh starts were getting really stale.

It was another new school. Another new abode. Another new start where the days would be counted down until he'd find himself drifting away from it all, yet again.

He wasn't a sad boy, by any means. He wasn't necessarily a happy one either.

With all of the moving around that his family (mother) had to do to keep them financially afloat (barely above poverty), it couldn't really be helped. The company was their sovereign, the wages their bread—a way to make ends meet. Try as he might, Roxas couldn't blame anyone for this situation. Well, he_could_ but that was another issue. One thing had to be given to keep another. In his case, it was friends for sanity.

He couldn't wallow in self-pity, even if he tried. And he had too. His hardest. But his mother was earnest and she worked herself to the teetering edges of fatigue. No, he didn't have the right to feel sorry for himself. He'd just grit his teeth and grin when the time came again.

Roxas frowned as he reached down to straighten his _wabaki_. The place they were currently calling home was Tokugawa. It was a far cry from Shinjuku, for which the blonde was ever grateful. Not for the first time, he found himself wondering just how long they'd be here. When would his mom wear that plastic smile again that never completely hid the tired lines of her face as she lugged out the packing tape and sharpies?

It hadn't always been this way. Once upon a time, his mom had been a happy romantic—a woman whose greatest dream comprised of a white picket fence, a hubby, and 2.5 kids. What she'd been landed with was a drunken prick and…him.

The boy grimaced. In entered the monkey wrench that was his wonky name. She was just as much a literalist as she had been a romantic. Roxas was a mistake on his father's part, insert sobs here, and he had probably been for his mother somewhere deep down as well. But the difference was that the little woman actually gave two shits about him.

From birth Roxas heard people describe him as unexpected, random, and out of place. She loved that about her son and she always had. Not the mistake part, the unexpected one.

And thusly, she had dubbed her son with a last name that literally meant _Serendipitous Key. _As far as the "Roxas" part…?

Well, a boy needed his secrets.

In a mini universe of Japanese people with names like Sagara and Takahiro, poor Roxas shuddered. He'd be doomed for eternity as long as he remained in the land of the rising sun to hear a butchered version of his first name.

"Rokusasu..."

_Rok-u-ass-oo._

_Rock your ass...ooh~_

Fag he was not…yet. Hopefully never. Definitely never.

The blonde groaned and shrugged his shoulder to get a more secure grip on his patched backpack. It wasn't the only thing he needed to keep a strangle hold on. Roxas focused on the shuffle of his steps as they echoed in the empty hallway much like in those really corny horror movies where the black guy always dies first. The ones where the leader of the group gets the moronic notion to split the gang up and look for clues.

Before he knew it, Roxas was standing outside his classroom door: room 121. He closed his eyes and released a particularly heavy sigh, hoping the expulsion would ease some of his tightly wound nerves. It didn't.

The boy fixed a glower on his face before sliding the door back and stepping over the threshold. The teacher was in the middle of a coffee fueled sermon when she stole a glance in his general direction. Roxas's scowl deepened as he stood there sheepishly, orange call-slip in hand.

She glared at him and cleared her throat. "May I help you young man?"

"I'm the new student."

She paused and pushed up her glasses, eyeing him like he might be lying. Then something like recognition sparked in her expression. "Ah yes, we've been expecting you."

Roxas snorted but stepped up when she ushered him to the front of the classroom. He mumbled a rushed introduction and refused to acknowledge the fever crawling across his cheeks. His gaze flicked up from the ground and began to study his surroundings. This was his first mistake.

The twelfth graders he stood before regarded him with a wary eye. It was either blatant disregard or outright hostility that flashed there—only visible to the one it was meant for. Roxas's knuckles tingled and he pondered the complexity of his knees knocking together with all the finesse and glorious symphony of a woodpecker on a tree.

This, it might be speculated, was his second mistake. Some students in front perked up at this chink in his armor. It was only in small ways, but they leaned forward at the smell of fear. Their eyes dilated and their teeth flashed with hungry leers.

Roxas tried to make himself dull but his appearance wouldn't allow it. No matter what he did when he came to a new place he stood out. A skinny, lithe build and an angular face. A mess of haphazard honey spikes, electric blue eyes. The small tan was the most damning feature. Roxas swallowed and his glower darkened as the closest one disrobed him with her eyes.

His gaze continued to drift until it paused on a boy in the back of the room. He and the person he was talking with appeared to be the only ones not interested in the fresh meat. Roxas swallowed again as the red spikes that made up the boy's hair bounced with his suppressed chuckles. Roxas's breath hitched when the boy paused and glanced up at him, sensing his stare. Green locked with blue in a breathless moment.

It wasn't lustful. It wasn't vicious. The boy's stare was nothing but…curious. Roxas stood, stupefied, until the teacher beckoned him back to reality with a light touch to his shoulder. He shook his head, blinked, and turned back to the professor.

"I'm sorry. What?"

A smattering of giggles broke out and Roxas glanced back at the redhead from the corner of his eye. He was mortified to see an amused smirk gracing the other's features.

"Take the seat at the back for now until we get you worked into the seating chart." She pointed and Roxas followed her finger until it landed on a vacant chair next to the redhead. "If you'd be so kind. I have a lecture to resume Mr. Meguriaukagi."

Roxas nodded dumbly and swallowed the lump that kept pulsing in his throat. His heart lurched, seizing with pain as he dragged his feet into motion. Roxas swallowed again. The boy clenched his hands into trembling fists to hide some of his anxiety. This was easy. It didn't matter. How many times had he made this same transition?

_It's going to be different this time._

The blonde almost cursed out loud at that little voice in his head. Nothing was going to be different. He couldn't afford to let it. He just needed to keep his head down. Roxas slogged through the row of desks on the path back to his seat, his expression determined. The people he passed eyeballed him with varying degrees of disdain.

His thoughts began whizzing around like angry hornets inside his head so he placed a palm to his temple. Unfortunately, Roxas was one of those individuals who couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time. And because of his thoughts, he couldn't hear their whispers. Add to the equation, some random leg that sticks itself in his path while he has one eye covered and what follows is…

Something better than a slapstick comedy…in a skinned knee, bruised pride kind of way.

Roxas plummeted to the ground in a flurry of paper, mechanical pencils, and a mess of plastic and metal chairs. He landed hard and pain exploded on his knee and both elbows. Laughter sprinkled around him and he heard the professor grouse dimly in the background. Roxas blinked away the sting behind his eyes as he was hauled to his feet and escorted the short distance to his desk. Roxas didn't bother thanking the person who had helped him. It was the same person who had tripped him.

More soft, malicious laughter floated around him like oily water.

"Okay, class. Class! Settle down now."

The other boy regarded him as Roxas shifted in his seat. He was stoic, denying the green acid of the other boy's stare as it bubbled on first his knee, then his elbows, then his face. To his credit, he only flinched a little when the other boy cocked his head.

Roxas flexed his hands, numb from the impact on the linoleum, and kept his gaze forward. This worked a minute until a nervous trickle of sweat ran down his jaw. The redhead traced the bead with his interested gaze until his friend, a boy with choppy silver locks and aqua eyes, nudged him.

"Rough crowd, eh?"

The redhead hummed with agreement but let his gaze linger, forcing Roxas's face to turn an aesthetic shade of pink (by which it can be inferred he blushed like a burned lobster). A smile curved the other boy's lips and Roxas felt sickness curdle in the pit of his stomach. He drew in a deep breath and was about to tell the other boy off when the latter spoke up.

"The name's Axel, twitchy. Axel Katoku. Got it memorized?"

Roxas closed his eyes and frowned before he blew out the deep breath he'd just taken in. So _Axel_ was going to goad him, eh?

Take into account here, that Roxas isn't a bad guy. At times prissy, at times sullen. Most of the time morose. But not bad. He was mean out of necessity and liked being nettled about as much as the next guy(read: not at all). He was merely a check-in and check-out out kind of guy. But not by choice. Again, by necessity alone. When he replied, he did it in that slow kind of manner that people speak in when they are choosing each word very carefully.

"Well Axel, you've already heard my name. So if you please, kindly fuck off and leave me alone."

See? Mean, but not overtly violent. Roxas hated violence. But he hated the idea of getting close to someone more. Unfortunately, Axel wasn't fazed as he kept his eyes locked on the boy. In fact, he looked far from affronted. More…perversely amused—like a little kid had just cussed at him.

"Oooh. Someone's got a mouth on him. What's got your panties in a bunch?"

Roxas didn't answer. The silver haired boy beside Axel snickered as Roxas's impossibly red face darkened another shade.

He knew their type. The blonde decided the effort of snapping was futile so he put an honest effort into refocusing on the distant drone of the teacher's voice. The moment of tension passed when Axel turned back to face the front as well, shooting occasional whispers to his pal. Roxas felt his scowl relax for a second before it returned full force at the slight chuckle that escaped from the boys beside him, no doubt at his expense.

The rest of the period passed without mishap and Roxas breathed a sigh of relief when the bell finally rang. He collected his things and shoved them into his messenger bag before heading out into the rush of bodies thronging the hallway. His hope was to not attract too much attention. Unfortunately, he stuck out like a beacon at sea. The other teens around him parted and branded his retreating back with their white-hot eyes.

_The fewer friends I make now, the less it'll hurt when I leave._

This is what he had to keep telling himself anyways. The mantra of the constant transfer student ran deep, but it didn't feel any less empty.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Axel quirked an eyebrow and smirked at the lonesome piece of paper that lurked innocently by Roxas's now vacant seat. He bent to pick it up and scanned the contents, his smile spreading like a wild fire.

"Woah, check out the new kid. Feisty little fucker ain't he?"

Axel nodded but didn't say anything as he glanced out the door.

"Hey, what you got there?"

His lips twitched as he folded the piece of paper and tucked it in his back pocket. "Oh, you know. Death, destruction. The usual. And you, my dearest Riku, my perfectly coifed compadre, my—?

"Woah, dude. Woah. I ain't your anything, so chill Casanova."

Axel rubbed himself against the shorter boy in a playful manner that still managed to be platonic. They'd known each other too long for it to be anything else. A group paused and ogled the pair with blatant fan-girl giggles through the open door. Axel crooked his finger in a come-hither motion but they shook their heads and giggled louder, continuing on their way.

"What's wrong ladies? There's plenty of me to go around! Sharing is caring! Mi cuerpo es su—"

"Will you stop?"

Axel grinned as he craned his neck, still staring out the door. A sudden thought occurred to him and the smile vanished. "Weren't you supposed to be meeting Sora?"

The silver haired boy rolled his eyes. "He's still mad at me."

Axel gave him a droll stare.

Riku scowled at him, offended. "Don't you start on me too. I was defending his honor—"

"You chucked a paper weight at his best friend's head."

"—and he had the nerve to get mad at me!"

"Tidus didn't really do anything that bad."

It was Riku's turn to cut Axel a dry stare. "He was stealing a lock of his hair. Sure, he says he's going out with Selphie, but damn. That boy sniffs around asses more than any dog." Somewhere in Riku's room, his pet dog Pluto sneezed.

Axel snorted. "Tidus is about as straight as they come."

Riku punched him. "The only thing straight about Tidus is his fucking hair. And that's still _wavy_."

Axel rolled his eyes but let the subject drop.

"You still haven't answered my question." Riku glanced at the taller boy, a sly twinkle in his eye.

"What question?"

"My other question."

Axel stared at him. Blinked. And stared some more. "I don't know nothing about no little girl."

"What little girl?"

"The little Chinese girl."

"What little Chi…nese…nope."

"No?"

"Nuh-uh." Riku hefted his bag and just as he was about to make a grand exit, smacked his shin on the corner of a chair. He plummeted to the ground and grabbed at it. "Ooooh, my tibia! Oh, the pain. The_ blood_."

Axel blinked again and sighed before sauntering over to help his friend back to his feet. Riku gripped his shoulder and placed weight gingerly on the abused leg.

"That was a close one. Almost died."

"You're acting like the little Chinese girl."

Riku let go of his shoulder like he'd just been burnt and snatched his belongings off the floor. "Yeah well", he snapped. "At least I don't look like one." The silver haired boy was about to stomp out the door, when his phone gave a light tinkle. Frowning, he plucked it from his pocket, punched a button, and pressed it to his ear. "Baby?"

Axel glared at the plastic device as a muffled squeak issued from the speaker.

"Again", Riku growled. "Did you at least see which hallway you were in? E? Okay. Stay on the line with me, I'm coming to get you now."

Axel heard a sigh of relief before an earsplitting shriek made him wince. Riku yanked the phone away from his ear, using his other hand to check for blood. "Baby? Are you...oh. Don't touch it. Just shrink to one corner and wait for me."

He shot Axel an apologetic look.

"He get stuffed in another locker?", Axel mouthed.

Riku nodded, his expression a strange mixture of exasperation and relief. Axel's grin widened while he shooed his friend away. Riku's hurt knee was miraculously forgotten as he rushed out the door to play hero. Smile still in place, the redhead reached into his pocket to touch the piece of paper. He was going to be seeing a lot more of another, far more enticing creature sooner than he'd thought.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas didn't see him. He felt him. The blonde struggled with his locker for a moment then stuck his head inside to grab his books for the next class. Axel was there. Just around the corner…or something. But he was there. And Roxas suddenly fancied himself the rabbit being run to ground. The blonde tucked his chin close to his chest as he lifted the load of books before shoving them into his bag with a grunt.

He cursed, rummaging through his belongings, flipping heatedly through his binder in a vain search for the schedule that wasn't there. It wasn't in the same folder he left it in.

When it came to school materials or living quarters Roxas made sure that everything was always spick and span. So, if something wasn't where he left it, one of two things happened: a huge gaping vortex—the kind that resides in the dryer and feeds on unsuspecting socks—opened up and swallowed his schedule, or….someone took it.

And by the heavy weight of eyes that Roxas felt boring into his back, that someone was Axel. He knew he wouldn't like the guy; he'd been right. He didn't even understand how he knew that the eyes following his every step were Axel's. They just were.

Not that it mattered concerning the actual class listing itself. Roxas committed it the Fort Knox that was his brain. He made a bit of a game out of it, actually. Like, he wanted to see just how many class schedules he could memorize before his brain exploded.

The real concern was that it might fall into the wrong hands because not only did the irksome piece of paper contain his schedule, it also had his student ID number and locker combination. Roxas was a little more than potentially screwed if Axel got the urge to "fuck with the new kid". Roxas wished he'd been nicer to the redhead. He just hoped that Axel would be a better person than he was.

Yeah.

Right.

He was going to get brained. Tarred and feathered. Stuffed into trash cans for eternity. The God of High School Bullies would wrap his arm around every available shoulder. Then he'd point at Roxas and say, "Go bean him, Fido."

There would be so much beaning.

Roxas sighed in aggravation. Maybe… maybe Axel would be nice enough to seek him out and return the vital information. Yeah… and hamburgers didn't grease. This was high school. _High school; a_ place worse than where troupes of interpretive dancers or man-flesh nomming aborigines gathered.

He was screwed.

The boy's throat burned as a bark of humorless laughter ripped from his lips. What a first day this was turning out to be. He was left with two options: beg or ignore. Never one to just lie down and die, Roxas blew off the little (big, stinking, humongous) shit and tried to breeze through the rest of his day. He actually managed to do just that until he hit lunch.

Since Roxas was the new kid he didn't really have anyone to sit with and as he was walking glumly through the lunch line, he debated on whether or not he should just go sit by himself in a bathroom stall somewhere. With tray in hand, he faced the ominous lunch tables.

Raucous noise from the mini population of teenagers was quite the tribulation to get through. The blonde felt stares from all the occupants of the tables he passed. They were tearing into him with a first look. Judgment was passed swiftly and they would eat him alive if he stepped out of line…yeah. Definitely aborigines. Was that war paint he spied…or school spirit paint…?

Obviously, he did something. He just didn't know what yet. It was as if Roxas had a poster nailed to his back that screamed, "New meat. In need of serious grinding."

Some giggled and pointed. Others stared blankly like one would at animals trapped in cages at the zoo. But the general feeling was the same. New Kid on the Block…Unwelcome. _Outcast_. **_Freak_**.

Miserably, Roxas kept walking. He caught sight of Axel sitting at a table with some of his friends. Or rather sitting on it. In typical rebel fashion, he set himself above the rest, and yet it wasn't in a cocky display. It was natural. Roxas was so transfixed that when Axel burst out laughing at something one of his friends said, he nearly dropped his tray.

As his typical luck, gravitational force, and the rotation of the earth would have it, someone walked into Roxas and he hit the floor for the second time that day. Later he would insist that it was aerodynamically superior to a running leap/nosedive.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Thunderous laughter and the plastic clatter of a lunch tray made Axel glance up from his conversation. He frowned when he recognized Roxas under the contents of his once full lunch tray. The boy's face was so red it must sting. It was worse than in the classroom, this was different. In the classroom, he had just viewed Axel as a threat. Here, the whole cafeteria was the enemy. Roxas tried to scramble to his feet but slipped in the tomato paste. More jeers.

The blonde closed his eyes and even from this distance Axel could tell the breath rattling in his chest came and went with great effort. Slowly, carefully Roxas got to his feet and stood stiff in front of his peers as Axel bounded off the table.

"Hey, wait up man. Where're you going?" Riku paused in his methodical picking. Sora glanced up as well, glad to have the last sticky remnants of gum expunged from his hair.

"Axel—"

"Dude, what—?"

He ignored his friends as something tugged in his chest, beckoning his body to help the boy. The redhead scuttled over. Roxas scooped the mess off in surprisingly methodical handfuls. Everyone around him was laughing, not even trying to disguise their glee at his expense. Axel's frown darkened.

**_There's a faceless crowd with no sympathy. You can scream out loud, but there's no one listening._**

His feet picked up into a staccato jog until he was standing next to Roxas. He bent down and picked up the tray. Spaghetti stains bloomed like bloodstains on the cuffs of his pants and _wabaki._

"Hey", he said, hitching what he hoped to be a cheery grin on his face. "You need help with that?"

Roxas turned to him slowly. In that moment, there was no sound. There was only Axel and Roxas, who was steadily draining of all color. The spaghetti stood out in stark relief against the white of Roxas's once tan skin.

Axel bit his lip. "Are you…okay?"

This question snapped the younger boy back to his senses, he could hear again. He wanted to cover his ears and block out the laughter. The sneering glares. Axel watched helplessly as Roxas's face contorted from a mask of blankness, to mortification…to rage.

A searing, boiling rage that made Axel take a step back.

"You think this is funny too don't you? Go ahead." His voice lowered to a dangerous hiss that—despite Axel's instincts telling him not to—the taller boy leaned closer to hear. "Go ahead. Fucking laugh at me like the rest of them."

Axel recoiled like the small blonde slapped him.

"I wasn't…I just wanted to help."

"Yeah, right. To hell with all of you."

Axel reached forward to try and touch him but Roxas snatched himself back with such force that he almost slipped in the tomato paste again. He righted himself just in time though and leveled another glare at Axel, daring him to make fun of him…to pity him.

The moment passed, and the next thing Axel was aware of was Roxas's retreating back and a bustling lunch lady with a mop that was bigger than she was. The redhead released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Axel drummed his fingers on the desk in the empty classroom as he waited for the rest of his fellow students to wander in before the last period of the day began. When (if) Roxas showed up, he'd apologize. For what, he wasn't quite sure. But he'd apologize nonetheless. He felt like the boy needed it.

Even he had awful experiences.

Although, Axel's was forgiven because he was still a freshman at the time. Roxas's little brush with humiliation was far worse since he was a senior. A _senior_. The ultimate senpais who were supposed to be the big dogs on campus. The untouchables. Things like this just didn't happen to those in the home stretch.

Axel understood. He wryly reflected on his own first day in high school.

Someone had decided that it would be a clever idea to dump the entire contents of a cafeteria trash can into his locker. He had opened it to find an avalanche of fish sliders and a sickening mixture of French fries, potato chips and milk. The mess had been so bad that he had had to transfer lockers. After that he made sure to memorize his schedule as fast as possible, and shred the evidence. It had fallen into the wrong hands. And he had paid the price by walking through the high school's hallowed halls for a week reeking of cafeteria fish.

Everyone has crappy first days in new places. Axel was just glad that Roxas's was relatively tame compared to his freshman horror story. He clutched the piece of paper in his pocket, tempted to light it on fire and be done with the matter. Therein, he needed to apologize. Maybe. But not quite.

His head jerked up as the door slid back and a couple of students wandered in. It was getting close to that time. A time that every teen dreaded; the Mexican standoff (sans a sombrero…in most cases) with the clock before school let out. It was Slutsky's history course and Axel had intuitively deduced that he and Roxas would be taking it together. That, at least was something to make the time drag a little more bearable.

Green eyes scanned each newcomer before discarding them quickly. The trickle of bodies became a flood and then returned to a trickle. Still no Roxas.

Axel was about to give up and resign himself to yet another dull history lecture when the door slid back again. There was the blonde, walking towards him. He blew out a sigh in relief.

There he was again…that kid… what was his name? Axel. Damn, Roxas did have it memorized.

It probably helped that the taller boy attracted attention wherever he ventured. In so doing, he couldn't really keep a low profile with people calling his name at every corner as he trailed Roxas throughout his day.

The blonde in question gave himself a proverbial pat on the head for not breaking out in a full body sweat as he plopped in his seat—a seat that was as far away from Axel as he could manage. The redhead's grin turned feral as he swiveled his head and regarded his prey.

He gathered his own things and waded back to claim the, conveniently enough, vacant desk beside the blonde. (Let the reader infer here that yes, Axel is a bully when he wants something. Following this logic, yes. He did telepathically intimidate someone out of their seat next to Roxas. And yes, it did become conveniently vacant because Axel is one psychotic son of a bitch when he wants to be…it also helped that he was fingering his lighter in a disturbingly nonchalant manner and eyeballing the brat in his way.)

Roxas blinked at the bespectacled boy beside him that scrambled from his chair and rushed out of the classroom clutching his bottom. Axel sighed and scooped the boy's stuff from the desk before taking up residency there.

The blond sighed and propped his face in both hands, torn between amusement, relief, and irked resignation.

"You know, you seem to do that a lot."

True statement. At the time Roxas suspected he had a touch of asthma on top of everything else.

Roxas peered through his fingers and grit his teeth. He didn't want to answer, but he really had no choice. "Do what? Wait. Never mind. Just rot and die please, in that order."

Axel shrugged his shoulders. "At least you said please." He continued to fiddle with the lighter in his hand and his eyebrows rose as he pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Well, what do we have here?"

Roxas flinched as the bell rang. They had three minutes now until the professor would make his entrance and start the class. Three long, drawn out minutes. The paper crinkled in the taller boy's hands and he gave a low whistle. Axel chuckled, waiting.

Unable to resist, blue eyes drifted over to the rumpled document. Axel's grin widened as he leaned over and flattened it on Roxas's desk so he could get a better look. The blonde stared blankly at it for a moment before he shot to his feet.

"You! I…you…I knew it was you!"

Axel peered up at him. "Whatever do you mean?"

"You nabbed my schedule!"

Axel frowned. Pyro he may be, but a thief? The redhead tsked and shook his head. "I think you're mistaken. _You _dropped the damn thing. _I'm_ trying to be kind and return it." The taller boy snatched the paper back and twirled his lighter between three long fingers. "Or would you prefer I didn't?"

Roxas grabbed the paper again and shredded it into tiny bits of rage before stomping to the trash can and shoving the pile in. He whirled around with curses dancing on the tip of his tongue…and came face to face with his professor.

Slutsky rose a delicate eyebrow and coughed into his fist primly. "Is there any particular reason you're denting my trash cans? Or is this the new fad these days?"

Roxas lowered his head and muttered an apology. The professor raked him with a sneer before corralling him back to his seat and making his way towards the podium at the front.

Axel turned an interesting shade of purple from the effort it took to contain his snickering. "Smooth move ex-lax. So much for not wanting to be noticed, eh?"

Roxas's head snapped up and sure enough, most of his fellow peers were positioned in their seats in just such a way where they could steal glances back at him without the teacher noticing. A groan ached to escape from deep in his throat but Roxas swallowed. He was almost through the day. Just a little more.

Axel folded bits of paper he tore from his notebook, not exactly sure why he was going through the effort. The boy next to him just seemed so…dead. So unresponsive. He watched the kid all day and Roxas had a way of melting in with the crowd that looked like it had taken years to perfect. He was like a wraith that made people recoil, yet their gazes lingered.

The only time Roxas really lit up was when he was being taunted. And Axel now felt it was his singular duty to keep that fire alive inside of this shorty. Feeling was better than numbness. Axel knew this first hand. And the kid intrigued him in a way that no one had been able to for a long time. He might as well have fun with it.

Roxas seethed. Damn. Damn him. While Slutsky was whittling away at some cockamamie introduction, Roxas was being forced to fight for his very sanity. Little triangular folds of paper were collecting in his spiked hair at an alarming rate. Roxas wasn't a violent person. He hated violence. But Axel kinda sorta made him entertain the idea of homicide via rusty spoon. When a piece of paper struck Roxas in the eye he snapped his head in Axel's direction so fast it almost gave him whiplash.

"Will you knock it the fuck off already", he hissed.

The redhead replied with a prickly smile. "I don't wanna. You didn't say please this time."

A muscle pulsed in Roxas's jaw as his fingers spasmed with the urge to strangle the other boy. This punk kid didn't know what he was getting himself into. The only consoling thought about this situation was it would all be over soon. In a week, a month…

Whatever…at least that's what he thought until the history teacher came around and slapped his yardstick on Roxas's desk.

"Mr. Meguriaukagi ?"

"Y-yes sir?"

"Aren't you going to answer my question boy?"

The blonde gulped. Things were getting better and better. Roxas's mouth worked helplessly for a minute before what sounded suspiciously like a squeak escaped him. Face burning, Roxas clapped a hand over his mouth and shook his head.

The teacher pursed his lips and turned his back to pose the question to Axel. The redhead shrugged, not at all concerned about the looming, heaving professor who's eyes threatened blood.

Slutsky straightened his back and swept the yardstick in an arc. Roxas ducked and the bespectacled kid who ran out earlier was thrown into a sympathetic fit. "I'll pose the question again. Listen carefully. Edo. The chonmage. The honorable and most distinguished samurai. What was the purpose of the half. Shaved. Style?"

His last words were punctuated by a sharp slap of the yardstick on Axel's desk. The redhead folded his hands behind his head and reclined back, having the nerve to look like he knew what the professor was talking about.

"Oh, well. You should have said that earlier. That's _easy_", he drawled.

The professor spluttered as his mustache gave an epileptic twitch. "Then answer, if you please."

"To look more like you..._sir_"

The teacher flushed as a smattering of giggles broke out in reaction to Axel's brazen remark. So the instructor had a serious lack of hair. And gravity wasn't exactly his friend either, but…

Roxas picked his jaw back up from the middle of his chest. He was too scared of the professor to laugh. This guy was not one to get on the bad side of as the esteemed reader is about to discover.

"Well, since you boys are willing to be such _star students_ you may as well stay after school to further your blossoming academic careers."

…He-said-with-just-a-hint-of-sarcasm…

"But I didn't do anything", Roxas protested weakly.

"I will have no back talking in my classroom Mr. Meguriaukagi, Mr. Katoku", he blustered at each of them in turn, "My classroom, after school. Detention. And that's final!"

Roxas spluttered while Axel's eyes glinted with sadistic delight. The blonde wanted to reach over and smack that satisfied grin right off of his gorgeous… face? Did he just think gorgeous? No. No, certainly not.

Not wanting to get into further trouble, the blonde slumped in his seat and shut his mouth. Great turnout to his first day. His first bad, lame, exhausting, aggravating… Roxas glared at his desktop and realized there was freshly carved script in one corner of the wood laminate.

He reached up and traced the words with his fingers.

'_Sora loves Riku.'_

The boy rolled his eyes. How lame. How…

Blue eyes drifted towards the probing dope next to him. Axel perked up under his gaze and wiggled his fingers in a friendly salute. His smile was teasing, but it was warm. Genuine. An ache erupted in Roxas's chest as he returned that smile with a glower and looked back up at the board.

As in all **_lame_** situations, one needs to find a shade of humor so things don't seem so bad. For Roxas, this shade came in the form of a puce-colored accuser who looked like a pigeon that puffed up to the verge of exploding when he yelled at his students.

Roxas relished this image and almost let a smile perk his lips. Almost. He dismissed the idea when he'd milked it for all it was worth. Tapping his pencil on the empty yellow notepad, Roxas noted the clock. Still a long time before he'd get to go home. Even longer now that…

Roxas shot another gimlet glare at Axel who merely grinned, and wriggled in his seat. When the closing bell sounded the blonde didn't bother to stand and bow for the end of class. He scowled down at his desk and huffed.

He was _not_ pouting. He was musing. He was ruminating and contemplating. It was the same concept as big boys and their toys; totally a myth. They weren't compensating for tiny penises…maybe.

'_Hell, it's not the end of the world,'_ he thought glumly, _'it's not like I have anyone at home waiting up for me anyways. I was kind of hoping to beat the rain though. Oh well, there's always the dryer….'_

Roxas could feel his mind slipping like it always did when a gentle rain began to patter down. The sprinkle tapped lightly on the roof like a bunch of children's fingers. Roxas closed his eyes, savoring the momentary silence. The teacher got up and stretched.

"I'll be back. Don't move a muscle you two. Or else."

He grimaced before a pop sounded and his expression lightened with relief. He hobbled over and slid the door back. The professor's heavy, shuffling steps could be heard all the way down the hall. When the teacher was finally out of earshot Axel expelled a relieved breath and reclined back in his seat.

"Sheesh! Can you believe that guy? What a stickler."

Roxas settled his face into a cold expression. "Him, I can believe. The one I can't believe is _you_."

Axel feigned hurt. He wasn't very good at it. "Why my dear boy, I just wanted us to have some alone time to get to know each other."

"You got us into trouble on purpose?"

Axel stared at the blonde with a "duh" expression that did its job quite effectively—at that moment Roxas truly felt like an idiot—before he began to chuckle.

The other boy balked in disgust. "I just can't figure you out!"

"Your anger is very becoming, but you don't have to try and figure me out. Just sit there and look pretty."

The pass floored him. Roxas sat frozen for a moment, trying not to let the full implications of what Axel just said sink in. He'd just been offered a social suicide ticket on a silver platter.

Roxas shook his head. "No. No, it's not possible."

"What's not", Axel pressed. All humor fled from his face as he gauged Roxas's reaction.

"You really think I'm stupid don't you?" Roxas swiveled his head and raked Axel with a sneer.

Axel blinked and frowned in confusion. "I never said that."

"Then tell me why."

"Why what?"

"You're hitting on me aren't you? Why?"

With a grin that would have given the devil a run for his money, Axel winked. "Because I find you very interesting little Roxy. Is that so bad?"

Roxas shot out of his seat, the chair clattering to the floor. He felt that he was being very brave here, as he resisted the urge to run. Or cry. Or both. Roxas shook his head again. "You can't. I won't let you. And don't call me that."

Axel raised a bemused eyebrow. "Can and can't isn't in the equation here. I do like you. And I want to know more about you. There's nothing you can do about it."

He was right. There wasn't much else Roxas could do so he settled on what he could. He shot the little troll a frigid glower and wished a pox on his head. Roxas crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, refusing to acknowledge the trembling in his limbs.

Axel's smile fixed in a sort of dreamy limbo as his eyes glazed. Roxas faltered. It was… difficult…staying mad at that face. Axel was as infuriating as he was...what?

No. Roxas wouldn't entertain that idea for a minute.

Damn him anyways.

They remained that way for a bit until the sound of rain became tedious. Roxas didn't do tedium well so he pulled out his iPod, taking his seat once again.

Roxas held to the belief that music was an expression of oneself. His musical selection was impressive—a collection ranging in everything from classical Beethoven, to brutal Brain Drill. Throw in dashes of Yoyoma, a pinch of Cowboy Troy's country, a few sprinkles of Melissa Ethridge and Alanis Morisette, a healthy dollop of A Perfect Circle, and there you had it: the beautiful slice of heaven that was his iPod.

Roxas plugged in and hit shuffle. He scooted back and folded his hands on his stomach, propping his feet up on the desk. Axel busied himself with folding up more chunks of paper.

It wouldn't do to press the boy too far but he was developing an idea. That idea was slowly morphing into a plan. Axel smiled.

Roxas was in the middle of bobbing his head lazily to Bullet's, _Eye of the Storm_, when those damn bits of paper were being chucked at his face once more. At first, like last time, he tried ignoring it. But when they kept coming he batted them away, brows furrowing together. When that didn't work, Roxas pulled out an ear bud and stared at Axel like one would when indulging a child. "Can I help you?"

"I've asked you three times what you were listening to. Damn boy, you keep up the volume on that thing, you're going to go deaf one day."

Before Roxas could contort his face in anything resembling distaste, Axel pressed the issue again.

"So what are you listening to?"

He just wasn't going to give in. Roxas finally caved. The song was over and the one playing now was _Hearts Burst Into Fire_, another Bullet masterpiece.

When the blonde flicked his eyes up and gave Axel the answer, he scoffed.

"Oh please. That song is so overrated. _Eye of the Storm_ is so much cooler. Or better yet, _Tears Don't Fall_, from one of their two track cd's."

Picture, if you will, Roxas. Now picture him with his eyes bugged out and his mouth hanging open. He was shocked that the redhead had heard of the group at all. Not to mention, he could give an answer more intelligible than, "oh cool", which is all Roxas usually got when talking about them. Welsh rock music in Japan was on the rise, but it still wasn't on a large scale. Some people hadn't heard of them at all.

Roxas titled his head to the side and regarded the other boy. He was too stunned to answer outright and this made Axel laugh at him again. At least Roxas had enough sense by now to close his mouth.

Music was one of his passions. In his hectic life, it was perhaps the only constant worth noting. So when he got the chance to talk about it with someone, he jumped all over it like stink on a warthog. Another of his passions, and guilty so, was watching Disney movies.

In that one moment, Roxas allowed himself to be swept away on the tide of debate and camaraderie. In that one moment, Roxas forgot all compunctions and previous misgivings. In that one beautiful moment that stretched into a solid hour, Roxas fancied he could let himself be friends with Axel. They spent that time chitchatting about the do's and don'ts in the music industry.

The spell, as it is always wont to do, was broken when the teacher came back and announced that they were free to go.

Roxas raised an eyebrow and looked at the clock, feeling a little ashamed as he blinked a few times just to make sure the time was right. The talk had been too awesome to feel a lot ashamed.

They gathered their things.

"Say, ah… do you want me to walk you home? I don't really have anything better to do, you know?" Axel bit his lip and rubbed the back of his neck as he shifted from foot to foot. Embarrassment was a first for him it seemed.

Green eyes shifted around as Roxas shouldered his bag with a blank expression. His eyes were dull and his shoulders were slumped. It would have been apparent to anyone that he was trying to fold in on himself again. Axel wanted to curse. But he didn't.

The offer sounded nice. It sounded so nice. But the promise Roxas made to himself was once again thrown brutally in his face. The floating sensation bubbled in his stomach and his skin was flushed. His lungs tingled and giddiness tickled his insides.

He was making a friend.

This needed to stop.

It needed to stop now before it was too late.

"…you know, I really shouldn't…"

Roxas didn't launch into a lengthy explanation about how he had to go get fitted for his (chicken) suit. He didn't need to bother. Axel was dangling his iPod from one of his large hands.

"I'll ask you again. Why don't you let me walk you home? I won't know where to drop off this nifty little thing I just found lying around." He swiveled his hand just so. "There's this kid named Roxas. That's his name at the corner there, you see? And I know you know where he lives. Be a pal won't you? I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

Roxas spluttered and made a violent gesture at the taller boy who scoffed. "He really will, I'm telling you."

"Get bent!" Roxas whirled around and stalked towards the door.

Axel followed and continued his taunts. He didn't want that fire to die yet. "I was talking to that kid earlier, you know? From the look and feel of this iPod, it's something he really treasures. Just show me how to get there or tell me the address. He'll thank you later."

Roxas stopped so fast Axel almost tripped over him. The shorter boy swiveled to glare up at his persistent, benign tormentor. "Why are you doing this", he snarled.

Axel didn't answer. He held the iPod out of reach as the younger boy jumped and attempted to snatch it back. The professor ambled out after them as he locked up the door and donned his jacket.

"Run along now boys."

Roxas harbored the good sense to be respectful as he bid his professor farewell and stormed down the hall towards the exit.

"Come on kid. Just…"

"Just_ what,_ Axel?"

"Just…give me a chance, will you?"

They pushed through the doors and out into the school courtyard. The rain had stopped but not before it glazed everything in a thin sheen of moisture. Roxas rested his head in both hands as his breath fogged up. He didn't speak for so long that Axel almost gave the music player back out of guilt.

But then, in a soft voice that somehow managed to carry he said, "A chance for what, exactly?"

Axel was at a loss. He never thought he'd get this far, but now that he was… "I want us to be friends."

Roxas's face was pale, drawn with exhaustion as he dropped his hands and squinted up at the redhead. "Why?"

Axel scowled. "Why ask why? What's making you so skittish about this? Friends are a good thing aren't they?"

The shorter boy bit out a bark of laughter that carried no humor. "What a load of shit. Friends aren't what they claim to be. Ever. They're just people that come and go and don't care who they leave behind."

Roxas's face twisted into something unreadable—was he trying to cry, or…? No. No, that was the expression of people who had resigned themselves to their fates; that hopeless despair. Axel bit his lip, realizing the harsh words weren't being directed at him, but inward. "Roxas…"

"Fine."

Axel jumped like Roxas zapped him with static. "Huh?"

"Follow me."

Roxas started walking while Axel remained frozen to the spot, mouth agape. The smaller boy sensed his immobility because he shot a peeved expression over his shoulder without stopping. "This_ is _what you wanted, isn't it?"

Axel nodded dumbly and shuffled his suddenly numb feet. He looked down and clutched the iPod, not sure whether to whoop for joy or cringe in fear. He opted on the first one as he urged his body into motion. He jogged up to the blonde and ruffled his hair a little roughly.

"You won't regret this kid."

"Yeah" Roxas muttered under his breath. "I just hope the same is true for you."

"Hm?" Axel leaned closer and stuck his face close to Roxas's own. Their breath mingled before Roxas flicked the red spikes out of his face and stepped back.

"Just don't get too attached. I don't know how long I'll be sticking around."

Axel nodded and continued his jovial lope. He could already tell that with this kid, it wouldn't do to fret over the bigger things. Every admission was going to be a small victory that he'd have to fight tooth and nail for. For now, this was enough.

It was a pleasant walk from there—Axel cracked some corny jokes while Roxas tucked his hands in his pockets and listened in what might have looked like content silence. Let the reader infer instead that he's brooding so Roxas can salvage at least one vestige of pride.

They lost themselves in more talk about music and other things in life, when Axel's ears pricked and he stopped. He pushed Roxas behind him as his whole body tensed.

"What's going…on…" Roxas trailed off.

A splash sounded behind them and as they turned to look, shadows melted away from the wall.

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><p><strong>The last was a pilot chapterprologue! This is the first official chapter of the rewrite. :3 I used one lyric from Framing Hanely's song _Built for Sin_ aaaand uhm...wabaki. _Wabaki _are the white rubber slippers you see high schoolers wear in Japan. for those of you who want smex and want it now... wait a bit, mk? It'll be a bit of a build up but once it's on its fucking ON! Between more than our boys~~ stave off your hunger there will be minor groping in the next chapter. Thanks for taking the time to read my piece and I hope you enjoyed it :3 Please excuse any typos btw e-e'''**


	3. Chapter 2: Behind the Jester

**_Still don't own Kingdom Hearts. Had a dream I did, but then Square Enix called me fat and said I looked terrible in my pencil skirt when I took them to court...it was a nightmare I tell you. They stole all my munny. And when I woke up, I was just as broke. Pshaw~ Anyways, song credits at the end per usual, and...er...that it?_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter Two: Behind the Jester's Mask<em>**

Some were swinging chains, others hefted metal bars. More still were so muscle bound that they didn't need to carry anything to look threatening. The sky rumbled ominously as the boys stalked forward like a ravenous pack of hyenas.

Roxas gulped, eyes flitting around in a quick headcount. His stomach sank as he ticked off each figure in his head. Thirteen. Thirteen that advanced on them, blood in their hearts.

_This couldn't be happening._

Roxas was a pretty boy. Androgynous. As such, he was always a target whether he wanted the attention or not. How many scuffles had he been subjected to? Why couldn't people leave him alone? He just wanted…

Roxas choked, fighting down sickness that seized him in its violent, shuddering clutches as he backed into the wall Axel was pressing him against. The redhead's mind raced into overdrive, aching for the impending battle. But he wasn't alone this time. Roxas stiffened behind him as Axel turned to grace the shorter boy with a smile. It escalated into a chuckle when Roxas's lip trembled.

"This isn't funny!"

"No, it's actually very serious."

"Then why are you laughing?!"

"Because you look worried."

"Worried? Worried? I'm not worried. Do I look worried to you?" With every word Roxas's voice became shriller, his throat stinging.

The gang laughed, stepping closer. Yeah. He was worried…a little. Some were whispering something. He didn't want to hear it. He was scared. So scared. His ears strained to hear the words anyway. As the boys closed in, the call became louder. Oh no.

No, no, no.

**_It's everywhere you look, over there to right here._**

Not _that_ again…

**_Under your dresser, right by your ear._**

Roxas's shaking amplified and his face contorted as acid bubbled in his throat from his clenched stomach.

**_It's creeping in sweetly._**

"Faggot, faggot. Run _away_."

The taunt was rhythmic and a few of the nastier looking boys licked their chops. Roxas clutched Axel's sleeve. The temperature around them dropped as if time itself wanted to preserve this moment.

**_It's definitely here._**

Roxas's teeth chattered. Despite the sudden chill, the blonde felt himself break out in a full body sweat.

**_There's nothing more deadly than slow growing fear._**

Hot, then cold. Wet, then dry. Roxas's chest was weightless now, tightening and swelling with dread. That wasn't good. When he felt light like this, his mind shut down. He wanted to stay here. His heart rammed against his ribcage, making his vision haze and quiver like a desperate knock on a tightly locked door.

Wake up. Wake up. Wake—

"Axel…" Roxas groaned, gnashing his bottom lip between his teeth.

The redhead placed a hand behind him and squeezed the shorter boy's arm. "I've got you. We made a promise remember?"

"Faggot, faggot. You're gonna die _today_."

Roxas's knees were jelly. He'd never considered himself an outright coward but when people picked fights with him before, they hadn't looked so…mean. And there were never this many—all at once, at least.

_It **was** happening again._

The group was so close now he could see their bloodshot eyes, the cords in their muscles that strained for a good brawl.

The drizzle started up again and fell heavier than before.

Roxas's teeth kept chattering till his jaw ached as Axel spun around and pinned him against the rough brick. He swallowed a hiss of pain, mortar digging into his clenched knuckles. Red spikes whispered against his face again but this time Roxas didn't brush them away. His eyes widened, riveted to the sight beyond Axel's shoulder. The boys behind the redhead leered and feinted lunges at them like lions around a wounded animal.

Axel reached down and squeezed Roxas's wrist gently until he uncurled his fingers. Panicking, Roxas tried to pull away but the taller boy wouldn't let go. Axel pressed the iPod into the blonde's hand. Funny, Roxas had forgotten all about it. Axel closed his own fingers around it as he bent slightly to whisper in Roxas's ear.

"When I give you the signal I want you to run. Do you hear me?"

"Oi, Katoku", the leader sneered. "Who's your new friend? Don't be rude now. Introduce us." A sprinkle of chuckles rippled through the gathering. "Tell him we want to play too."

The blonde recoiled and clutched the music player to his chest, color draining from his face at an alarming rate. He bit harder on his lip until he could taste copper. Axel dug his fingers into Roxas's skin, raising goose bumps where he gripped.

"Hey", he snapped. Roxas flinched and glanced at him, the terror making his eyes snap an electric sapphire. Droplets of water glistened on his tanned skin and green eyes traced the path of some that had become too heavy as they slithered down the boy's cheeks.

Axel softened his voice, "You're safe with me, okay? Don't look at them. Don't worry about them. I won't let them touch you." Roxas shook his head as fear ate at him. Axel cupped the blonde's face between both of his large, pale hands and held him still.

"Roxas, listen. Close your eyes", Axel's voice was a hot rush as it misted against Roxas's ear. The smaller boy shivered but obeyed. He didn't want to lock down. He wanted to believe in this kid. He didn't know him. But he wanted to believe.

"Breathe in."

Roxas inhaled sharply.

"Can you hear me?"

Roxas nodded.

"Look at me."

Blue eyes snapped open and locked with green. "Look _only_ at me. I will protect you." The blonde exhaled so fast it left him dizzy.

Before he realized what he was doing, Roxas buried his face in Axel's neck and pulled the taller boy closer. Axel squeezed his small arms in something reminiscent to a hug as he rubbed his cheek against the top of Roxas's waterlogged spikes, melting into the figure gripping him like a lifeline. When he pulled back blonde hair drooped on the shorter boy's head like pressed gold.

In any other situation, it would've been cute. As it was, well.

"Are you quite finished?"

Roxas flinched a little as Axel swiveled around again, looking far too nonchalant for the occasion. All his softness was gone.

"Xigbar, my man. Come back for another spanking?" His words were sharp, biting the ears of those that threatened him. The leader stiffened and leveled a glare with his one good eye—the other being covered with a large black patch. A jagged scar extended from his left cheek to just under his eye. He lifted a hand and grazed it over the raised flesh.

Roxas scowled. "_Another_…spanking?"

The redhead smirked as he shrugged. "Friendly enemies are what you could call us, I suppose."

Roxas mulled this over and fiddled with the damp sleeve between his fingers. Yeah. Okay, so this was an amicable scuffle between growing boys. Roxas could live with this.

Axel rummaged in his pocket, pulling out his lighter. He flicked his other wrist and a dagger glittered in his hand. Roxas gasped and jerked away from the redhead like touching him was suddenly the most disgusting thing in the world. So much for assuming.

The redhead paid no mind as he continued his loving ministrations to the knife in his hand. The blade whined as Axel struck the flint and glided the little flame over the hairline edge. The fire burned brighter, hissing and sputtering as if to spite the falling rain.

Fire would not bow to something as insignificant as a little water. It licked around the shining blade in a dance of rolling flame that made the steel harden and moan. Its master was crooning it awake. Fire was proud. Fire razed all that stood in its path to ashes; animal, stone…man.

It twinkled and jerked in Xigbar's one good eye.

"There now, I never got a chance to even you up last time. And you know me." The redhead shrugged again and fingered the tip gently, furrowing his brows in satisfaction as a bead of blood was drawn. "I always finish what I start."

Axel's expression was serious, if not bored. He was talking of mutilation in a tone an old crone might adopt for knitting patterns. The blonde was disturbed, disgusted. Xigbar clenched his jaw and made to take a step forward but Axel angled the dagger at its target.

Roxas peered from behind the taller boy and made the mistake of meeting the leader's glare. The golden eye glinted in molten fury as it sized him up. "When we get done with you Katoku, I'll make personally sure to sample your new bitch."

"Yeah, well. You keep saying that and yet here I am, still standing." He cut a droll glare at the leader and spread his arms out. The knife twinkled, the blade held loosely between his long, pale fingers. "Come the fuck on Xig."

Despite his bravado, Axel shielded Roxas a little more with his body. He turned his head to the side so he could still see the group as he regarded the blonde behind him.

"Get ready."

Roxas tensed.

Two were closing in discretely from either side. Axel twirled his dagger and bent into a crouch. Roxas felt his breath catch as he glanced around for the quickest escape route. The two were just a few feet away now.

Xigbar crossed his arms and spit on the ground. "Tear the flamer apart. Leave the blonde for me."

The din of the rain, everyone's harsh breathing; sound severed into crisp silence, the scene frozen in a taunting moment of peace. Then…

The maelstrom shattered, barrages of rain roaring in their ears like ammunition. The gathering exploded into a frenzy of motion as Axel threw his dagger at the closest boy then reached back to slam the other into the wall beside Roxas.

"Run", he hollered between punctuated smashes of the guy's head.

Roxas weaved through the fray, getting grabbed at a few times. Axel was always there to pull them off. Xigbar swiped at him, just missing as the blonde ducked. Roxas brained the hooligan with a well-placed palm-to-chin blow that made Alex raise an eyebrow. Roxas glared at him and shrugged. He'd had his fair share of scuffles too.

The blonde hunched his shoulders and tucked his arms against his body, making himself as small as possible while twisting and dodging around the clashing figures.

Once free, he sprinted down the street as fast as his legs would carry him, sick from the wet slap of skin on skin as blood painted the concrete and saturated the forming puddles of water.

"Don't let him get away!"

Xigbar's order was useless. They had enough to deal with considering the hell beast knocking them around.

The air burned as it froze Roxas's lungs. He cut down a side street and skidded to a halt before sliding down the wall. He could hear the grunts and cries of pain from the scuffle down the way. The blonde gulped. Just what the hell was that? Axel's transition from prankster to blood-letter made chills rise on Roxas's arms. How could he make Roxas feel so comfortable, and yet…

Roxas peered around the corner then gasped and snapped his head back out of sight. The chill moved from his arms to caress down his spine. The boy closed his eyes again and swallowed, smacking his head against the wall.

Why now? What had they done? What had_ he_ done?

Roxas edged to the corner one more time and peered out. What he saw made his blood halt in a slurry of ice.

The rain acted as an obscene sort of curtain—shielding the stage of their battle from probing eyes as the gloom pressed ever darker around them all. It was midday and yet the shadow of the storm draped over them—a suffocating, pseudo-blackout.

Axel flowed in and out the group of fighters that rushed him, a graceful torrent of fire as he landed solid punches and kicks everywhere. The entire assembly was struggling to get even one good blow on him. He retrieved his dagger and swiped playfully at the belt of one that charged him, slicing his pants right open. The attacker flailed his arms as the trousers fell to his knees and he bunny-hopped away, howling.

The blade sang, eager for battle as its master sliced it through rain, through cloth and flesh. Axel tossed it at another who shrieked and thrashed in agony as it embedded itself deep in his thigh.

Axel laughed as he caught another one in the solar plexus then slammed the guy's head onto his knee. Little puffs of steam hissed as the rain from above glanced off his blurry form. He swept another off his feet in a move right out of Hollywood and kicked his heel down on the guy's throat.

This wasn't a fight. This was a massacre. And Axel was enjoying every minute of it.

Dread sloshed in Roxas's stomach as he continued to gawk at the brawl. The blonde flinched as flashes of Axel's smile swam through his mind. A mischievous, arrogant, at times insufferable person…but not this monster. Not this beast who could smile while beating someone to a pulp.

As if to punctuate the sickening thought, Axel threw back his head and boomed out another thunderous laugh. "Is that all you g—"

In slow motion, one came at his blind spot and took a steel bar to the back of his head. The crack of metal on bone was startling, disgusting, and all together horrifying as it warped the air and danced with the rain. Roxas cried out as Axel's cocky smile was wiped from his face. The redhead lurched forward and groaned, crashed to his knees, then slumped to the ground. He lay there, still as death. The ground around him was so saturated with red that Roxas couldn't tell if he himself was bleeding. His spikes drooped as they soaked up the crimson puddles.

Roxas screamed again, forgetting his own danger.

Why wasn't he moving? He had to get up. He needed to move!

The outcry attracted the rest of those that weren't rendered unconscious by Axel's onslaught. When they swiveled as one synchronized force, bent on nothing but him, Roxas was wrenched back to the reality of his situation.

Xigbar wiped his mouth and curled his lip. "Go get him boys."

They ran at Roxas.

Cursing himself, the blonde launched his body into motion again and cut through more side streets to try and shake his pursuers. Flashes of buildings flew past the corners of his vision and the rain stung as it stabbed at his face and arms. The wet slap of feet faded as he rounded one last corner and tucked himself into a narrow alleyway, clapping a hand over his mouth to silence his breathing.

More shouts and Roxas squeezed his eyes shut as blurs of muted color rushed by his hiding place. He could barely tell the difference between their footsteps and the wild drum of his heart. Roxas shuddered and forced his breathing to slow until the pulse of his blood was once again silent in his ears.

When nothing but the dull roar of the storm could be heard Roxas chanced a glance down the road. He craned his neck from side to side and stepped out, looked behind him. Nothing. Breathing out a sigh in relief Roxas rubbed his chest, heart-sore from the rollercoaster he'd just survived. There wasn't time for celebration yet though. Roxas needed to get back to Axel before they…

T-they…

_Don't think about it._

Axel was seriously hurt and here he was standing around like a...Roxas growled at himself, rounded the next corner and…

Ran headlong into Xigbar himself.

The taller boy was clutching at a wound in his side but the leer on his face overrode any countenance of pain. Roxas fell back on his butt and gaped up at the leader, not bothering to hide his horror. This couldn't be real.

"Well, lookie what we have here."

Like a bad movie Xigbar's remaining companions stepped out from the shadows of the buildings and alcoves, forming a tight circle around the two figures.

Roxas began to tremble again. The rain nipped at his eyes and pricked like cold needles on his fevered skin. He pulled himself into a ball, eyes snapping shut, making himself as small as possible. Above him, the gathered thugs chuckled and exchanged feral glances.

"This isn't my fight…this isn't my fight…this—"

Xigbar fisted the fabric at the front of Roxas's drenched shirt and hauled him to his feet. "What'd you say boy? Didn't quite catch that."

The laughter looped on and on like a sinister videotape.

"P-please let me go. This isn't my fight…I…I don't want any trouble. Just, p-please let me g—"

"Who said this wasn't your fight? You keep company with that _fag_ so that makes this your fight."

Roxas swallowed a sob as Xigbar shook him. "None of that now, come on. You punks are all the same." He looked around at the others. "Why can't you ever take it like a _man_?" The last word dripped like tar from his lips . Xigbar leaned forward to lick Roxas's cheek as one of his scarred hands wandered between the shorter boy's legs. The foreign pressure reignited the fight in him.

The blonde wrenched away from Xigbar, pushing as he desperately tried to put as much distance between their bodies as possible. Still that hand pressed and kneaded. "I-I'm not g-g-g—"

"G-g-g-f-f-faggot", Xibgar mocked, giving a harsh yank through Roxas's pants. He choked. "Say it. Say it clearly and I'll let you go." Xigbar's caress eased, coaxing a shiver out of the blonde that had nothing to do with the cold.

Roxas searched Xigbar's face for the lie as he bit his lip and tried not to bow into the touch that felt so good, even as it frightened him. The golden eye stared at him, waiting. Xigbar's entourage surrounded them; faceless, merciless, with nothing but their leering mouths visible as they shifted from foot to foot. The blonde pressed his lips together and his face contorted with the effort it took not to weep as he felt himself harden against the pressure of his tormentor's palm.

He gasped when Xigbar shook him again roughly enough to make his teeth clack. "Well? Say it. Don't you want me to release you?"

The double entendre was lost on Roxas as he drew in a shuddering breath to steady his nerves. He could channel this out. He could forget that touch. He could do this. "I'm not…gay."

Xigbar's smile morphed into something insidious. "There we go. He's broken you in quite well hasn't he?"

Roxas's mouth worked soundlessly as he clutched Xigbar's wrist that traveled further down to press through his pants where his entrance rested. "Did it feel good when he fucked your ass, hmm? Did you beg him for more of", he twisted two pointed fingers upward,"this?"

The blonde sobbed through gritted teeth, hating the way his body was reacting and that Xigbar seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

"Hh…nn! S-sto….uhn…" The fingers were now pressing through, damp friction torturous and divine as it rubbed his asshole raw.

"There you go with that again. Looks like I'll have to train you properly. But you want it don't you?"

Roxas found the strength to stiffen and shake his head as he pushed weakly at Xigbar's chest. "Leave me…al-…mm. We didn't do…any…ah!"

The scarred boy ignored him as he dragged his incriminating hand back to deliver a stroke to the raw tautness that was straining for attention. It pulsed under Xigbar's touch, shaving his nerve endings with electricity as Roxas cried out. Oh, he was going to enjoy breaking this little bitch.

"It doesn't matter. You'll take anyone as long as it feels good, just look at you. Now, what's say you and I—"

"B-but—", Roxas blurted out. "I thought you were going to let me go! Y-you said you'd let me go. Let me go!"

He was frantic then in his escape attempts—clawing and biting and kicking and punching. His efforts were rewarded. The touching stopped, but the scarred boy still held him. Xigbar's skin was slippery but it stuck close; glue, oil, water. Water. He was drowning. They were going to hurt him. They were going to beat him. Rape him. Kill him. The leader grunted as Roxas squirmed in his grasp.

"Axel! Axel help me! A—" His shouts garbled into oblivion as Xigbar wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed.

"Shut up, damn you. Just shut up! He's not coming to help you. Nobody's coming to help you." The leader squeezed for emphasis, making Roxas's eyes bug out as his face darkened a few shades.

But Axel had heard.

The redhead stirred and groaned as Roxas's holler ricocheted against the inside of his skull. Though it was muffled by the rain and laughter of his attackers, Roxas's voice still carried—a haunted cry that rode the storm. Axel snarled and scrambled to his feet, pushing his body to hone in on the source and raze those bastards to the ground. They would _not _touch Roxas.

Roxas shied away from Xigbar as he pulled the blonde closer, hands in his shirt now as the slippery digits left searing welts wherever they ventured. "I said come on. Don't you want to play?"

The boy shook his head and tried clawing at his attacker again, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly that they were beginning to throb. "L-let me go! Please, I—"

Xigbar tossed Roxas into the waiting arms of his companions. "Hold him." The chant reawakened on their lips as two thugs pinned the boy's arms at his sides.

Despair rippled through the blonde's body, the drug that succors all victims. Roxas slumped as he looked up at the sky. The clouds were ripping slowly at their seams, and the rumble and clash of thunder tore at the grey expanse of sky like the claws of a hungry beast. The boy stifled a hysteric giggle at how apropos the entire situation was. He was going to be devoured. He was going to die here.

Roxas glanced down at Xigbar again, not bothering to hide his nervous gulp as the scarred boy wrapped a chain around his knuckles. Xigbar shot him a toothy grin and grazed the icy links against his cheek. "We could've done this the easy way, but bloody works for me too." Roxas flinched. The leader pulled back his hand then raised it again to strike.

Suddenly, there was Axel yanking the guy's head into a sleeper hold. He wrenched and Roxas had to fight down bile at the sound of Xigbar's neck crunching.

"D-don't…Axel, stop. Stop! You're killing him!"

The redhead dropped Xigbar. The scarred boy slumped in an unconscious, fleshy puddle at his feet. He rubbed the back of his head, scowling at the crimson he found there. Axel leveled a glare at the two who were restraining Roxas and they stepped back apologetically. His eyes fixed on the purple shadows blossoming around Roxas's throat, the pink dusting his skin, the way Roxas couldn't meet his gaze as he stood there and shivered with clenched fists. He couldn't stop as his eyes snapped in emerald fury.

"Good old Xig ain't dead…yet", he spit on the ground next to the leader's motionless figure. "But you better get your scrawny ass moving." Axel snarled and cracked his knuckles one at a time as he sized up each of the remaining members. Blood ran down his face and body in rivulets that parodied the rain. It wasn't clear how much was his, and how much wasn't...

Axel's chest rumbled with a deep, angry growl that rivaled the thunder above. "Who did it?"

All fingers pointed at Xigbar. Axel snorted. So much for loyalty. He'd fix Xig up real nice when there weren't Roxas's around to stop him. But first…

"You." He pointed to one and the guy flinched, flicking his eyes around as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. "You hit me, you fuck. Prepare yourself." Steam issued from his nose like smoke—a dragon preparing to breathe fire in the frosty air.

Nobody fled. Nobody ever did on these streets. It was rare, fighting to the death, but not unheard of. Most times fists were exchanged until someone hit the ground. A winner wasn't decided until that moment. Sometimes though, just sometimes the battle didn't stop until one was dead. They would come at each other and do their best to maim. If they didn't their opponent would rise up the next time. Then their opponent would kill them. It was the mania of rematch. Vengeance. The cry for strength and control over this one thing when all others spiraled into chaos. Axel knew these streets well. They taught him more about life than parents, or friends, ever could.

"Axel…" Roxas gave into the compulsion to step closer to his protector and balled a fist in his jacket, saturated in crimson and clear. He shuddered as he felt the body heat radiating in palpable waves off of the taller boy and moved closer still to press himself against it.

"S-stop now", the blonde breathed as his whole body shook. "You're supposed to walk me home remember?"

Axel swallowed when he felt something brush his thigh and pulled the shorter boy back. His eyes flicked over the glazed expression and the deepened flush that looked absolutely delectable. Roxas's lips parted but all Axel could feel was a debilitating, crippling fury.

Suddenly he understood.

"He laid his hands on you didn't he?"

Roxas blinked, snapped out of his haze at the venom in those words. He stepped out of reach, ashamed of himself for losing control. "I…", he started but the words hitched, burning his throat. The needy weight in his pants dwindled to nothing as the cold seeped back into his heart. What the hell would he have done if...?

"You don't want to see what I'm going to do Roxas." Axel flicked his eyes down a final time, the curl in his lip softening at the disgust rippling across the blonde's expression. He dragged his cold fingertips over Roxas's throat, drawing them back and balling them into a quivering fist when the shorter boy winced. He swallowed. "It…it wasn't your fault okay? Run now. I'll take care of this." The redhead untangled Roxas's fingers from his jacket and stepped around him. Screams crescendoed in the air as more crunches and smacks sounded at Roxas's back.

The blonde bent his head and clenched his fists before forcing his exhausted limbs into the motion of fear. Fear of what had happened. Fear of what could've happened. Fear of something he couldn't even name …someone who protected, someone who hurt. The buildings around him were unfamiliar, but he didn't care. All the mattered was pumping his burning legs as he ran faster. All that mattered was getting away from…him.

Roxas's adrenaline saturated his muscles as he finally came into familiar territory. Almost sobbing with relief, he kept up the pace. Running. Burning, running, rattling breath. Sweat, rain, blood not his own. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't see. Even so, he managed to race down the street, the rest of the way home.

**_Is somebody there beyond these heavy, aching feet? Still the road keeps on telling me to go on. Something is pulling me… I feel the gravity of it all._**

Roxas crashed into his door and fumbled with the key before the door finally swung open. He slammed it behind him and locked it in a flurry of nervous fingers and hiccups. The storm raged outside and unbidden images of Axel's brutality trickled by with the flashes of lightening.

Roxas clenched his jaw and scrunched his eyes closed as he relived scene after scene of that lewd, graceful violence. Axel had fought with demonic strength and the echo of his laughter—as he beat each boy down with methodical cruelty—made the hair on Roxas's nape stand at full attention.

Even if it had been on his behalf, Roxas's brain couldn't grasp it; how someone could be so…

Who was Axel, really? Why was he so intent on making Roxas his friend? Surely the blonde didn't look that desperate and lonely,did he? This one was not what he appeared to be on the surface. No, this one had secrets to hide. Secrets that against Roxas's will, he felt compelled to uncover.

_Who was the real boy behind the Jester's leering mask?_

This was too terrible to be real. Never before had Roxas's new school experiences (of which he had many) been this…dramatic. That little voice that he hated snickered in the back of his mind again.

_Things _**were**_ different this time._

_"It…it wasn't your fault okay?"_

No. No, it wasn't was it? But it had still happened.

Slumping against the door, Roxas bent his head between his knees and clamped his hands together. His body erupted with a fresh wave of heat and loathing. He was about to hyperventilate and if he didn't get a hold on it soon… Roxas shuddered and gulped in air that made his lungs swell and burn. Those guys had earnestly wanted to hurt him. And he wasn't even gay! Xigbar had touched him.

_"Did it feel good when he fucked your ass, hmm? Did you beg for more..."_

No. No, no.

With the finesse that Axel handled the situation, Roxas wondered how many times this happened to him before. And now Roxas had been dragged into it.

A niggling thought lingered in the back of his mind; Axel was gay. Truly gay? He'd flirted with him sure, but anyone could tease. The fact that someone else would call attention to it though...and blame _him_ for it as well—

Roxas pushed it away.

He proudly considered himself a pacifist…not the funny-ha-ha kind of pass-a-fist. Roxas was just a limp fish whenever it came to raised voices, or conflict, or fists that flew like Gundam projectiles. The joke tasted bitter on the back of his tongue as he remembered his mother's screams.

Salty tears joined the drops of rain that carved scalding trails down his cheeks. Why was this happening now? Why was it so hard to stay cold? Why hadn't Axel just left him alone? He wanted to go back, even though he knew Axel would be alright. He wanted to make sure his savior was still standing. But he sat right where he was because he knew he couldn't. An ugly part of himself was very aware that Axel had arisen the victor.

And he was afraid.

Despite the promise. Despite the happiness that made his heart sing and his nerves tingle.

_Anyone can make you feel this._

Bile boiled in Roxas's stomach as he felt Xigbar's hand pressed against his most intimate place.

_It's the same. Just as filthy. Just as wrong. Anyone can do it._

No, not just anyone. The someone that fought like fire and that laughed with abandon. Who teased gently, and extended a warm hand when Roxas hadn't thought he was still capable of holding on. It wasn't the same feeling. Axel was different. This was going to be a solid friendship and there was nothing he could do to uproot the seed that had already taken root in his heart.

And he was so afraid. Afraid of the fire that seemed to rage more than the laughter. It was as if Axel had placed a wall—in the guise of jokes and a prankster's grin—between himself and the world.

_A little of the façade, fallen away._

There was blood. The sound of bones shattering. What if Axel snapped on Roxas like that someday? Sure, he claimed friendship now. But what if Roxas said the wrong thing? Moved the wrong way?

Roxas smacked the back of his head against the door before tucking himself into his knees, rocking back and forth as he choked out sob after wracking sob. He grabbed chunks of his hair, pulling and scratchin his scalp. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair!

He hadn't done _anything_ to _anyone_. Why was _he_ always the target of their teasing? Why did _he_ always have to stay quiet in these new places? Why couldn't_he_ have a voice, strength enough to attach himself for that right to feel pain?

Why couldn't he have at least one friend to call his own? And why was he being accused of—

His mind locked down. It was too much.

The boy rose to his feet and began to punch the wall, the door, anything and everything in his reach. His screams swallowed even the cracks of thunder outside and threatened to suffocate him as they ricocheted through the empty apartment, echoing off the walls and bouncing back to mock him in his despair.

Roxas was a little boy again, cowering in the corner at the top of the stairs while his parents fought with words, then screams, then fists. He shivered and swallowed more cries that clenched his stomach, afraid that the phantom of his father would seek him out and beat him too.

He was alone.

Why wouldn't it stop? His throat scalded from the bellows he smothered; the curses, the pleas. Just as he was about to plummet over the edge into his own abyss, the moment passed as quickly as it had come.

The weeping trailed off into whimpering trickled off into the occasional sniffle. Roxas drooped against the wall he had come to rest by, holding his arms over his head like he was warding off physical blows. Roxas groaned as his body spasmed.

He was tired. So very tired.

The blonde hid his face against the coolness, placing a shaky hand up to stroke the rough plaster. The dips and rises caught the calluses on his palm. He lost himself in the sensation for a moment but cried out and jerked his hand back when the zing became too much. Blood—the smallest island of crimson—was marooned in that lumpy sea of frozen white. Roxas looked down at the cut on his hand and back at the wall again, shaking his head. The pain was real.

_This_ was real_._

His diaphragm quivered as he drew in a rattling breath. It was okay. He could get a handle on this. Everything was going to be...the dam burst again into more howls that Roxas felt would surely tear his throat to pieces.

He shuddered and arched his back to try and writhe away from the pain in his mind, to no avail. Like gremlins in the shadows that grabbed at his sanity, tossing it around and shredding it to bits, Roxas was tormented. That same creeping sensation clawed at his insides and laughed at his secrets.

The blonde collapsed against the wall, moaning and trembling. Minutes passed and so too did the trauma again, little by little.

Past the mountain of pain, past the tar pit of fear, a song tinkled to life. It was the spark in the darkness for him. The melody became a little louder, clashing with and subduing his panic as Roxas felt himself floating in the music's ether. The words to another Bullet song drifted lazily from his lips; he was a terrible singer.

His true calling was the guitar but the words wrapped themselves around his soul like a warm blanket in winter. A jumble at first as his voice cracked, the chorus weaved itself into reality while his fingers flew into position on his ghost guitar.

**"_Will darkness turn to light? Can someone wake me from this nightmare? Here we go. Here we gooooooooo. The tank is empty. Let it dry. I'm suffering. A passion ending….so the world ceases turning."_**

With every word Roxas felt strength trickle back into his being as he crested into the crescendo.

**"_So now I hope you see. I'm nothing more than human, making plans for enemies. But here we go again…Deliver us from evil. Crawling back to insanity…."_**

Music was his strength. His world. And for the moment, it was the solid base his sanity teetered on.

Roxas flexed his fingers and got up. Yeah. Everything would be fine. But first…he needed to strip the damp clothes from his body or he'd catch a cold.

Tossing them in the laundry basket, he padded naked across the quaint, now silent, apartment to the bathroom. It was like his fit never happened. The boy screwed his face up, disgusted with himself. With a little more force than was necessary, Roxas slapped the light on and winced at the sharp, buzzing fluorescent. He danced across the cold tile towards the tub and turned the knob for the hot water, cursing when it burned him. He tweaked the knob again until the temperature was just right. When Roxas parked himself on the scrubbing stool he noticed the bruises that branded into his skin like damning evidence. He raised the washcloth and scrubbed neurotically until his skin was red and stinging, but still the marks remained. They would be there for a while to remind him of how weak he truly was.

Roxas shook his head and rinsed before stepping into the tub for a long soak.

As the scalding water settled around his flesh and lapped at his chest, Roxas leaned back and emptied his mind. Thankfully this was an easier task than he thought it would be, and he was supremely grateful for the white static that crackled silently behind his eyelids. The blonde lay there, once in a while allowing random musings to float into his consciousness. He knew that he wanted milk after the bath. The hum of the dryer was punctuated by the occasional scrape from the zipper on his jacket. He needed to start reviewing his notes from class.

Mundane, normal little things. Escapes to a different reality. For the most part though his mind was like a broken mirror, his thoughts the scattered shards that would need to be reassembled eventually. For now he'd allow himself the luxury of purgatory.

'_What a day...'_

Roxas sneezed, sniffed, then sank deeper into the bath until only his nose and eyes were visible above the water. He narrowed them until they resembled slivers of sky.

_'Am I catching a cold too?'_

He sneezed again.

_'...fuck my life. If this is day one, what the hell will the rest of my week be like?'_

Roxas knew that he was sick after climbing out of the bath, his whole body reminiscent of a very pink, very wrinkly prune. He was running a slight fever, sniffled constantly, and his throat was starting to feel a bit scratchy. Roxas stomped up the stairs still naked, towel-drying his hair with one hand. When he was finally dressed—warm milk in hand and cold medicine sufficiently chugged—Roxas took a moment and looked out his window. It was still pouring outside. The pseudo-night had transformed into true black.

'_I hope Axel got home okay in this weather.'_ The blonde shook his head. '_Need I remind myself that _**he** _is the entire reason I'm sick right now...'_

Roxas sighed before turning off his light and flopping onto his bed like a boned fish. He rolled onto his side and stared blankly at the sheets of water slapping his window. The blonde groaned and turned himself to face the wall, using the whitewash to rid his thoughts of blurring red and that faint whiff of damp cinnamon.

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><p><strong><em>.::.AN.:. Yes Roxas is a pussy. I like him that way. Sue me. And no, sadly, Axel won't be okay. :3 But you can read that for yourself in the next chapter yeah? LOL so what did you think of my fight scene? x3 I kinda hated it 'cause it felt a bit corny to me. Please forgive any typos because I'm unbeta'd. Sorry, sorry! Props given to BFMV (Deliver Us From Evil), Pheobe Killdeer (Fade Out Lines), and the Wolf's Rain OST (Gravity) for musical awesomenessness. Yeah. I'm done now. More to come soon~_**


	4. Chapter 3: Fuckles and Chuckles

**I am secretly a worker at Square Enix(?) So, technically I own part of it (?) Lol, I killed their fandom(?) Prepare to die(?)**

**No, you caught me. Terrible lie. Sadly, though I do wish, I don't own. I don't make money off anything either. Hell, I didn't even get an allowance when I was little Q_Q Song credits at the end. Anyways thanks for all the views guys :D**

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><p><strong>Now, enough with this lame chattah and on with the stuff yeah? I have two words: Brace Yourselves.<strong>

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><p><strong><em>Chapter Three: Fuckles and Chuckles<em>**

Axel groaned and opened his eyes, covering his face with one hand as he peered through his fingers at the thundering sky above. Wincing, he turned away from the rain, now as nothing more than a misty whisper.

God it was so fucking cold. Axel's jaw cramped in a vicious display of silent reinforcement, as if his teeth had been chattering the whole time he'd been unconscious. Gritting them, Axel shivered as the chill cut right through his sopping clothes, his paper-thin flesh. The redhead moaned as his diaphragm spasmed, feeling the ache all the way to his bones; what he had left anyways. His body couldn't seem to decide if it wanted to stiffen or keep being jittery. Either way, Axel was exhausted. He needed…

Needed…?

He mentally flinched away from that single, disgusting word and grimaced. Axel shifted on the park bench. Need. Hah! He didn't need anything or any—

Axel's inner-castigation paused as he remember the blonde. What the hell had he been thinking, letting Roxas run off like that?

_I hope the kid got home okay._

The back of his skull felt like an egg splitting apart in slow motion. Each jarring throb was sharp as it pulsed through his whole being, a soul deep rawness that was intensified by the cold when it should have been numbing. In a last ditch attempt they'd all bum-rushed him at once. Then black.

When he awoke again the place around him was deserted, the gang having collected their fallen and fled. Axel was left with enough strength to drag himself down the road to the park bench where he was currently sprawled.

Yeah, Roxas would be fine. It was true dark now. He was home. Safe in his bed, where he should be. Axel had messed up Xig's boys so bad, they wouldn't have much time for anything except licking their wounds for a while. The redhead let out an exhale that cut off midway as the cold impaled his lungs; a ragged, frozen blade. He coughed into his hand.

Axel grimaced again as he swallowed and moved to a better position where he could cradle his splintered ribs and take some pressure off the back of his head. Starbursts danced across the expanse of his eyelids, nauseating and crackling like audible fireworks. Axel hissed at the unwelcome explosion as a sharp ringing began to buzz in his ears. _Worry about yourself first idiot. Just look at you, you freakin' shmuck._

Man, he was going to feel this in the morning. If only he'd had the foresight to—

"Mister? Are you alright mister?"

The redhead smiled faintly as he cracked open his eyes to watch a little girl in a pink raincoat patter up and peer at him. He managed to haul himself into a sitting position with another groan and the wooden bench creaked under his weight. Axel swallowed a gasp as another wave of dizziness crested to drown him so he puckered his brow and focused his attention on her. The girl's eyes widened comically as she stared up at him.

"_Wow_, you're so tall mister!" She reached out to touch his knee. A startled cry made his eyes flick past her as a woman rushed towards them.

"Mariko? Mariko! What have I told you? What are you doing!?"

The little girl stumbled and cried out as what Axel assumed to be her parent finally reached them and tugged her back, placing herself between her and the red haired delinquent. The mother bit her lip and scowled at his rumpled clothes and welts.

"But mommy, this stranger doesn't look mean. He looks cold. And hurt. Can't we—"

The redhead gathered all the pain in his body and smothered it. He couldn't afford to let some stranger see him this weak. And they looked like such a happy…whole pair. They were from a different world and they needed to get back there.

Axel pulled a face at the girl, making the mother backpedal a little more.

"Enough, Mariko. Let's go. You don't want to hang around people like him. We have to get home now and make dinner for papa, remember?" A bag rustled at her side and Axel glanced down at the leeks poking out from its bulging contents.

"Oh, yeah…" The girl looked up at her. "But mommy, can't we just—"

"No buts young lady. Come—"

"She's right Mariko." They both jumped when Axel spoke, watching them from behind his hair like a cornered animal. "Good little girls should be home, out of this weather." He spoke softly but his voice still carried through the soft, hissing sprinkle as he wrapped an arm around his stomach. Yes, a part of him craved that purity. But a bigger part of him wanted to push it away or break it. He didn't want to be around something so light because it made the dark in him all the more ugly and apparent.

The woman tightened her jacket as she sneered at him,sensing something off about the boy. "I'd say the same for you, but you probably don't even _have_ a home. Mariko." She held out her hand and took hold of the little girl's wrist before leading her child away, Mariko peering back over her shoulder and waving. When her mother wasn't watching, Axel blew Mariko a kiss and winked, making her giggle. The woman looked down at her daughter then back at Axel before hurrying her pace. With the storm finally succored it wouldn't be too hard for them to get home. They'd be fine.

Axel sighed and ran a tired hand over his face. She was almost right. Almost. He had to start heading back h-, back that way too. He made a face at the woman—a speck on the horizon as she dragged Mariko along—before hugging himself with both arms, shivering.

Yeah, mothers. What the fuck did they know? Everything. And nothing.

The rain sputtered nonsense as he dragged himself to his feet. It stung, unforgiving…the lone witness to Axel's sojourn. His hair whipped around him at the whim of the howling winds. Axel felt the heaviness of the dead seep into his soul and solidify as he trudged through the park and down the road, ignoring his protesting body.

Foolish, the boy joked all the time about how feeling numb was better than feeling itself. But the truth, the cold hard truth was…he hated moments like this.

Hated the way his skin tingled slightly and his stomach sloshed with the thought of going ho—back there. Hated…that the happiness he so painstakingly built for himself throughout the course of the day vanished when he walked through his door. Even on nights like this, when the earth quaked and wailed, he feared going back. Anything was better.

Axel jumped as the toe of his boot scuffed the bottom step of the stone staircase. He blinked and looked up, pushing his sopping locks to one side so he could better see the towering structure…cold like a castle. And carrying just as much promise of torture.

Axel began the climb like one condemned, holding his breath when he finally reached the top as he pressed his ear against the door for any sign of life. The old wood creaked. Green eyes narrowed in concentration as Axel grasped the knob in his trembling hand, wincing. It made his palm ache like he was holding an ice cube. His heartbeat sped up, but the redhead ignored it as he opened the door just a crack and slipped inside as quietly as he could. The gloom swallowed him whole.

_A flame doused in the darkness._

Axel took another slow breath and held it, sifting through the dim shapes of furniture, the staircase, the darker splotches where the doorways lurked. He crept forward; aware of the floorboards that creaked in protest under his footsteps, aware of his breathing that was too loud, the drips of water that were deafening as they fled from his clothes like cannonballs in the waiting black.

Still nothing.

Axel edged around one doorway and peered inside. He could just make out the rise and fall of a fat lump on their threadbare couch. The TV was off and there were empty plastic jugs of vodka scattered around the wheezing figure. Cracks of lightning flashed through the shuttered blinds like a panicked strobe light—throwing the room into blinding detail before plunging it back into shadow.

The smell of booze pervaded the air and almost made Axel gag. But he didn't because silence was necessary. Axel had never known the meaning of "home". All he knew were a father and a house. This house. This man who could only claim the name and nothing more.

Taking a last glance around, the redhead started to sigh in relief but clapped a hand over his mouth. His father wasn't awake now, and he wanted to keep it that way. He snuck past the living room and cursed every squeaky step in their staircase as he made his way up to his room.

Breathing that sigh out through his nose only after the door was shut and locked, Axel turned and began stripping his sodden clothes off. He kicked them to one side, padded to his desk and set down his knife and lighter before popping a few Advil. With careful probing that still left fingerprints dancing across his vision, Axel felt around his head. It'd heal alright. He just needed some rest.

He turned again and crashed onto the bed with closed eyes, careful of his ribs. The boy wiggled closer and snatched one of the pillows into a tender hug, pretending it was someone that had waited for him to come back. That it was someone who cared.

All too soon his thoughts flickered to the blonde boy. Roxas…

Axel chuckled to himself. That kid held up surprisingly well, given the situation. Axel cradled the pillow to his creamy chest and traced the shadows that danced on his ceiling. Roxas, Roxas. Yeah, he would definitely stick close. The kid was naïve. Wonderful. That afternoon he lit up the room when speaking about music….Axel wanted to bathe in that warm glow.

And protect him. Roxas's was the kind of purity he could tolerate because it wasn't suffocating. It didn't threaten him. The thought of someone laying their filthy hands on the blonde though.

He tossed and turned, restless with fresh excitement though both his mind and body were far past the line of exhaustion. A creak at the stairs made him freeze. He rolled over again slowly, staring at his door with bated breath. Black sparks reignited but Axel shook his head and strained for—

It was silent at first, then…

"C'mon boy, open the damn door." His father's voice, husky from drink, bled through.

Axel frowned and chewed on his bottom lip before padding to the door. Placing his ear to it, he could hear the wheezing breath that belonged to the old man. Dread dripped down his spine as he looked down at the crack under his door. The light from the hallway was almost obscene as his father's shadow stretched across the floor, an unwelcome invader.

"Boy, don't make me…" The man hiccupped and then belched so loudly Axel cringed. When the door jiggled Axel stepped back—not quite able to work himself into a panic—but shaking nonetheless as his entire body pulled taut again.

The lock clicked and the knob turned with a broken groan. Axel shivered as the silhouette of his father filled the doorway completely. The man didn't move, but Axel flinched anyways when something in his hand caught the light.

The old drunkard swayed, an ugly smirk carved into his face while he clutched the knife handle.

"D…dad?"

His father's beady eyes glinted in something akin to sobriety as he remained motionless. The redhead inched closer to him despite every nerve ending telling him to run for it. This wasn't Xigbar. This wasn't Riku or Roxas. This was…

Axel jumped back just in time to miss the first vicious stroke at his throat. He barely managed to miss the second as he lurched out of his father's way. The old man lumbered forward with the clumsy grace only a seasoned drinker could really pull off. Axel side-stepped the crazed man until he could see him wearing down. He didn't beg, or try to reason. It wouldn't help. It never did.

He couldn't fight back. This wasn't some street brawl that he indulged himself in. This was the singular man he'd never be able to raise a hand against, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how easy it might've been. At the moment, Axel—even if he'd had the wherewithal—couldn't do much more than dodge where he could and take it where he couldn't.

His father doubled over and wheezed, his stench intensified by the pursuit as it trapped itself between the walls of the small room.

Axel crouched and inched forward. When his father didn't move, he placed a hand against the man's slick back. "Dad? Dad are you—" The old man straightened faster than Axel could react, knocking the boy back with a solid backhand. He used that temporary shock and pinned the boy beneath his crushing bulk.

His breath was sickening and Axel did his best to wiggle away, to no avail. "Dad! Get off! Stop, da—"

Axel choked when a heavy fist ground its way against his stomach. Added to this, the miasma of booze and rancid sweat made Axel want to dry heave, but he coiled against the urge. He couldn't allow himself to be vulnerable here. Not now. He knew what happened if he left himself defenseless.

"Plea-se...da...d...ugh."

Still, he had no respite. Axel's aching ribs splintered further and his head throbbed, vision swimming with each new tidal wave of agony as his father crushed him down harder. The bruises, the cuts; they all screamed: _get away! You must flee before it's too late!_

His heartbeat and the pulsing pain warred with each other in a battle for dominance over his body until the only thing he could hear was his father's ugly voice cutting through the din.

"I own you boy. Nothing is free and you're not allowed peace if I can't have it either… You're nothing but a disgrace. You don't deserve to live. You…" He hiccupped and his face pulled into a silent scream as he hauled himself closer. "You...bastard! If you hadn't…she'd still be…Give her back to me! Damn you!"

His father punched the ground mere centimeters from the boy's head. "Damn you to hell!"

Axel's body convulsed with the force of swallowing his dry heaves as more waves of miasma churned and suffocated him. He scrunched his eyes closed and fought back tears. This was not a father. A father wouldn't violate his children …physically …mentally ….psychologically…. not this way. The sting of the blade bit into his neck, causing Axel to cry out. The old man laughed and his breath undulated like a sour fog.

The only way the codger's breath would've been minty fresh is if he suddenly developed a hankering for peppermint schnapps. Unfortunately for Axel, he was a straight vodka man.

"That's right you little faggot. Writhe. Life is pain boy." The father's eyes hardened as they roved over his son's tense face, the naked bruised flesh.

Axel thrashed with renewed vigor even though every fiber of his being screeched in protest. He wanted to faint right there but he had to escape. He had to at least try. The pressure increased on his neck and he felt a few beads of blood drip down along the blade's edge. Axel slumped realizing…hoping that this time might finally be different. That when he went to sleep this time, he wouldn't have to wake up and relive _this _all over again.

Axel closed his eyes, embracing his imminent fate when suddenly his father's body went as limp as a boned fish. The redhead stilled a moment. Then relief flooded his entire being, quickly drowned by a nasty stab of stagnant disappointment.

It had taken his father longer. So long that Axel actually believed he would go all the way this time.

He rolled the lump of flesh over so he could stand before dusting himself off. He regarded the man that had yet again attempted to kill him, torn between contempt and pity. His father's eyes were damp with unshed tears and his breath came in shallow gasps.

Why did he come back? It was the same almost every time, though it was quite the occasion when the old man could work up the gumption to get off the couch and all the way up the stairs.

It hadn't always been this way. Or at least he hoped things had been different when he'd been a tender youth. He'd stolen this man's happiness. His father's state now was…all his fault. If he hadn't…

Axel tsked at himself, hating the weakness that came with reminiscing…imagining. What-ifs got you nowhere. Hadn't his father already hammered this into him? The redhead pulled on the closest pair of pants he could find before he bent and threaded his arms under his fathers', lugging the old man back downstairs. He dumped him on the couch and made himself a quick sandwich. It was time to leave again. He couldn't stay here.

Sucking on his teeth, Axel spat into the kitchen sink when he tasted warm copper. He thumbed them just to be sure nothing had cracked then took a bite out of his sandwhich, cursing and spitting again as fresh stabbing agony exploded along his jaw. Axel's expression darkened, realizing this was the last food he'd have for a while. He'd just have to suck it up and endure.

The boy only took long enough to finish his sandwich and get fresh clothes on before he was out the door again. The rain crucified him. He stopped and looked up at the vast sky, a reddish grey affair that arched over the glistening city…like an old heart that throbbed in a nest of cobwebs.

The rain turned his blood to ice again. Ah, blissful numb. He looked forward bleakly. His feet began to carry him and he let them. Axel was tired of feeling. The darkness embraced him like a close friend and he reveled in it. He didn't care where he ended up that night.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_Come here Roxas._

_Come play._

_Come…_

The blonde parted his lips and panted as the pressure increased around his most sensitive area. "N…no..sto…uhm." He thrusted his hips to feel more, arching his back and fisting into the cool sheets draped around him with a shuddering groan.

_That's right. Just like that. He's broken you in quite well, hasn't he…e…e…_

Roxas jerked awake with a ragged gasp as he searched his room. No intruder, no Xigbar. Eyes still wide, he rubbed at his torso and crotch, trying to get the voice out of his head and the fingers off his skin. When the flesh burned enough, Roxas turned to glare balefully at the green numbers that the alarm clock burned into the wall next to his bed. He took one breath to calm himself then promptly choked on it.

Thunder rumbled as the deluge outside splattered mud against fences and frayed his already raw nerves. He would not jump. He would not panic. He'd be…

Dammit. It was 1:23. In the morning. And he was awake. During a thunderstorm. He was fucking awake. Lightning accompanied the next clap of thunder as it cut a jagged path of light across the sky outside.

Roxas hated thunderstorms. And like any self-respecting coward who hated thunderstorms, Roxas didn't hesitate to dive resolutely under his blankets. He stayed like that, a shivering amorphous lump for quite a while as the storm raged then calmed then exploded again in dizzying intervals. He stayed like that of course, until an earsplitting scream raised goose bumps on every available portion of flesh he had to offer.

Who in their right mind would be out at this hour, in this kind of—?

Roxas snarled at himself before whipping off his blankets and cinching a robe around his body. It would offer little protection from the weather but someone had screamed. Someone could be in trouble. Roxas was a coward, sure. But he could pull it together when the occasion called for it. Trying to keep this thought near and dear to his heart, he sprinted to the window to see what had caused such a racket.

For his part, this probably was not such a good idea. What if it was an axe murderer…or worse… an Avon lady? He strained his eyes against the grey static that swam below his window, unable to make out much of anything. The blonde stood there for a solid minute, wishing for the first time in his life that lightning would strike.

After another minute it answered eagerly, splitting the night sky in an arching dance and raising the hair on his arms. The alleyway was illuminated. As he watched, a figure spread its arms and screamed at the heavens before falling to its knees, finally coming to rest with its face buried in the boiling mud. Roxas blinked, not quite sure what he'd just seen. Even as the figure lay still as death, its yell haunted him. A shiver rippled around the blonde like a physical pall.

Roxas chewed his lip until it tingled, torn between his own fear and... This person needed help. But he…but what if it was Xigbar? The person was so dirty that no telling features stood out. It could be anybody. It could be Xigbar….

No, dammit he had to do something! A life was a life. Roxas witnessed the figure fall. If that person died it would…no. There would be no death because he'd do something. Something.

There was always a first step to everything. Roxas scowled down at his cold feet—both literally and otherwise—and willed his big toe to wiggle. When it didn't respond he pinned the digit with a scowl so fierce it made his eyebrows throb.

"Move, damn you." The toe defied him in its resolute motionlessness, then…ah, there was the first twinge. "Come on, _move_."

Roxas let out a breath as the toe he placed his focus on squirmed against the carpet. He flexed his foot, did the same for his other, then rolled up his sleeves. He raised his hands and slapped both his cheeks. "Right. Let's do this." He paused and frowned down at the grey static that had returned. "Please don't be an Avon lady…or Xigbar. On second thought, Avon lady sounds good."

The blonde bolted downstairs and threw open his door. The downpour scratched at his face like broken glass but Roxas held an arm over his eyes and squinted through it as he stepped out.

"Hello", he hollered as he trudged through the back gate and into the alcove. "Hello? Where are you?"

Nobody answered.

The downpour fell like sputtering ammunition as if its sole purpose was to deter him. By the time he struggled his way to the approximate spot where the figure had fallen there was no trace to be found. It was as if he had imagined the whole thing. Scenarios like this never ended well for the gullible shmuck who fell for these tricks. The Avon lady could be lurking around that very corner with free samples and…he shuddered and cast around one more time, wincing as what little feeling he had left fled.

When he realized that the search was hopeless Roxas gave up and ran to his back gate, closing and locking the sliding door behind him. The click was more satisfying than it should have been. Despite his mind sneering at his overactive imagination, Roxas knew someone had been out there…that they were still out there. He'd failed.

Like any self-respecting wallower, Roxas trudged into the kitchen and made hot cocoa. It was _not_ girly. It was scientifically prevalent for him to drown in chocolate when he wasn't feeling good. Endorphins, and all that.

After the scalding happy-draught was guzzled, Roxas plodded upstairs to crawl back in bed. By the time he managed to curl himself under the covers, he heard the faint tinkle of his mother's keys as they jiggled in the lock. Groaning, the blonde dragged himself out of bed and back downstairs again to greet her.

The tiny woman came in and shook out her rain coat. When she saw her son standing in the entryway she held her arms out towards him. She looked haggard but that was the thing he really loved about his mom. Even if she was at the end of her rope and about to drop, she always had a hug for her baby boy.

"What on earth are you doing up this late?"

Roxas looked down at his fresh pajamas, the scarf draped around his neck to hide the angry bruises and back up at the shadows under her eyes, deciding it would be better not to say anything. She had too much on her plate already. "I couldn't sleep because of the rain. Just wanted to make myself some cocoa is all."

She smiled and cupped his face, rubbing her cold thumb in circles against his cheek. "You've got a fever again."

Sheepish, he pulled back and led her into the kitchen where he made her a cup of cocoa as well. Her smile remained serene as she accepted the piping gift and patted the stool next to her. He sat up with her while she told him about her day between long sips.

"But really Roxas", she said at length. "I think it's time for bed."

His eyes stinging, he nodded. "I love you mom."

She bent forward and kissed his forehead again. "Off you go then."

When Roxas climbed the stairs for the final time that night he braced for the coughing fit he knew would come, even though she did her best to hide it from him. It rocked her entire body and gurgled like a death rattle in her brittle lungs.

Roxas paused midway—forgetting for a moment the figure that had collapsed in the rain—and almost went back down to help her. But as he toyed with the idea, the blonde shook his head and continued on up the stairs. His mother had her pride. She wanted her son to believe her to be invincible, and at times like this, he almost did. She tried to hide that horrible cough. But Roxas knew…

And it was only going to get worse.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The next morning was a blur. His alarm clock screeched in piercing staccato and Roxas entertained the urge to take a hatchet to it. Had he done so, the potentially mangled scrap of irritation would've been the fifth one that month destined for the garbage heap.

And four were enough for him.

He smacked the button and dragged himself out of bed, forcing himself to dress. Outside, it was still damp and cold from the storm. Roxas was grateful for the dense material in their winter uniforms.

He hadn't dreamt anymore of Xigbar. Roxas wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or not because what had replaced Xigbar was arguably something much worse. He couldn't be blamed for his own weaknesses because he'd done the best he could against the scarred boy, however…

Try as he might, Roxas couldn't steer his mind away from the creepy figure from last night. There was something more he could have done. Maybe just five more minutes of searching and he would have found something, someone. Was the person okay? Would he hear about a body found in the park on the morning radio? Would the police come for him?

"_If you saw something, why didn't you help?"_

Roxas could see it now: the police would show up on his doorstep, blaming him. He'd be convicted and carted off to prison. His mother would weep as they shaved his head a-and shoved him into a cage… They'd bone him. There'd be so much boning. He was too young to be someone's bitch!

H-he'd tried. He'd tried to help that person! They'd j-just disappeared…they wouldn't believe him. His life was over.

Even as these ideas flashed in his mind he knew they were ridiculous. And yet…

He was still worried. And for this, he could blame himself.

It had just been so strange…. The person had definitely been there one minute, then gone the next. Roxas shook his head—shoving everything to the back of his mind as he boarded the train—and clung to a rung hanging from the ceiling.

One had to keep their wits about them when travelling.

At the stop he glanced at his watch and felt his stomach sink. He was going to be late! Again!

With the seconds ticking against him, Roxas bolted from the terminal as fast as he could, ignoring the irritation around him as he shoved his way through the milling bodies. Finally free of the crowd, Roxas sucked a breath in through his teeth. There was no time to waste.

He picked up the pace and tore down the streets, straining his body with everything he had as he clutched his bag with one hand.

Crap.

He was so frigging late! His lungs were starting to stiffen as his ribs stabbed the expanding organs. Against his will, his legs wobbled and forced his body to stop. Roxas leaned at the waist and braced a hand against the damp brick by his side, chest heaving.

His ears pricked up and he straightened again slowly when he heard a voice…that voice. '_Gaijin, gaijin_', it hollered. Roxas's heart froze even as his lungs finally thawed, the moist air biting at the sweat beading on his body.

The blonde turned—even knowing who it already was—hoping his imagination was just running away with him again. It wasn't. With a small cry, Roxas stumbled and fell. His left knee scraped against the jagged cement and tore open. With a moan, he leaned over to cup the pain that exploded there as tears pricked his eyes.

Double crap.

Swallowing a groan, he picked himself up after a moment and hissed as the leg protested under his weight. Roxas heard the call again, a lot closer now.

Triple crap.

It was just as he'd known…feared: Xigbar and his gang. They had been in their street clothes yesterday, but now, with increasing trepidation, Roxas traced the threads and colors that he himself was wearing. That all of them were wearing.

They laughed as one entity as they repeated that horrible word, _'gaijin, gaijin, gaijin'_, over and over again.

Faggot had almost been preferable.

Roxas's irritation tempered his fear as he turned and limped away in the school's direction. He wasn't fully Japanese. So what? He could take this, had always bourn the stigma and worse. Everyone is an outsider in some way, at some point in their life.

Even so, he damned his painted skin, his blonde hair and his blue eyes.

The boy was jolted from his annoyance when he rounded the last bend and, with a sigh of relief, stepped onto school campus.

Hands shaking, he hauled himself through the front doors and pulled off his shoes, slipping on the _wabaki _still pristine in their newness. Had he ever had a chance for a pair to get old? Rubber slippers were a lot cleaner than the shoes that tramped all over the nasty Tokyo streets. Even with using them just inside the school though, _wabaki_ did get dingy. He hadn't owned a particular pair long enough for them to even lose their new glow.

Roxas growled as he straightened the lip of one around his right foot, keeping as much weight as he could off the other. The scowl that puckered his brow deepened when a shadow dwarfed him.

"Xigbar, screw off. We're in school now and you can't—" He looked up and swallowed as Axel loomed over him with a tired smile.

"What's this about Xig? Is he giving you trouble again?"

"Oh…sorry. No, I…" Roxas trailed off as he fully examined Axel's form, spackled with grime like he'd rolled around in it…or...

…_.a figure spread its arms and screamed at the heavens before falling to its knees, finally coming to rest with its face buried in the boiling mud._

Axel gave him a funny look and raised his knuckles to pop one at a time. "Listen, I can take care of Xig. You don't have to be afraid of him. I'll protect you okay?" His tired eyes wandered to the shorter boy's throat and the faint hand prints that wrapped around it before flicking down to the fresh blood caked on his knee. It peeked through the hole in the Roxas's pants and taunted Axel with his inability to protect. Green swirled with an unreadable expression for a moment before hardening into furious sea foam.

Fear sizzled in his chest as Roxas kept his own eyes riveted on Axel's hands that flexed and fisted. That defended…that hurt. The blonde opened his mouth and it worked helplessly for a minute so he closed it with a snap. Axel's expression melted into a concerned smile.

"Hey", he murmured. "Roxas, it's okay. He can't hurt you. I won't let him." Axel reached forward to graze the backs of his fingers against Roxas's jaw but the shorter boy flinched and ducked away from his touch.

"I uh…" He found his voice again but it cracked with his nervousness. Sounds...colors felt muffled suddenly by the throb in his knee and the blood rushing in his ears. "I have to get to class."

Axel chuckled. "You and me both. We have it together remember?"

Roxas's face paled and he backpedaled, able to forget his fresh wound as his panic overrode everything else. He gripped the strap of his backpack with whited knuckles. "Yeah…I… I'm gonna…skip. Tell the professor that I got sick… or something. Bye!"

"Oi! Roxas wai—" The redhead's brow crinkled with a scowl as Roxas bolted down the hall and out of sight. Speckles of blood marked his trail like obscene breadcrumbs.

When the blonde shied away from him this first time, Axel didn't dwell. Neither did he really fret the second and third time when they met in the hallway between classes and Roxas suddenly had another thing to do or somewhere else to be.

When lunchtime rolled around however, Axel was starting to get very tired and very confused.

"So you know how serial killers always return to the scene of the crime? Well… that's like me with sex behind bushes." Riku flipped his hair and raised a piqued eyebrow at Axel who was resolutely ignoring him in lieu of letting his eyes wander in search of a certain blonde. The redhead yelped and finally graced Riku with his attention when the perfectly coifed boy reached over and pinched his thigh. Hard.

"You fucking harpy", Axel shrieked, clutching at the offended flesh. "What the hell?"

Aquamarine rolled in twin irritation. "It's your own fault for ignoring me, you know."

"The only time we chill is when _you'r_e in the doghouse with Sora—"

"It wasn't my fault this time! Tidus walked in on us so I smashed his head in. Do you realize make-up sex is a very tenuous thing?"

"—you little punk. It hasn't even been a day and here you are again. Choose a better fucking place next time!"

Miffed, the silver haired boy puckered his lips into a pout. "For the record, I _don't_ ignore you. It's just funner to nail Sora than talk to you. And _I'm_ not the one with liberty spikes, thank you very much." At this Axel tugged at one of his locks in an attempt to flatten his hair, ignoring the younger boy when he continued. "In fact—"

The fork in Axel's hand clattered against his tray of untouched food with a plastic rattle, causing several heads to turn in his direction. But he didn't care because his eyes finally found what they'd been hungering for, and they feasted now with greedy abandon. Riku gave him a concerned look then turned in his seat to see what had his friend so utterly spellbound.

It was like a breathless countdown, Roxas taking a single step into the cafeteria and letting his eyes rove aimlessly over the ambivalent sea of teens. Axel sat up a little straighter as those baby blues paused on a group of geeks two tables down from where he was sitting before rolling and moving on. Then they locked with his.

Riku cried out as Axel shot up in his seat so fast his chair went flying. But he didn't care. He was already gone. The target was in sight and they had to settle this or…or…

They had to settle this.

He gave chase as Roxas turned tail. Their feet slapped against the polished linoleum, marking their struggle throughout the otherwise silent halls. After three minutes of cursing, questioning, and gasping he finally grasped the boy by his elbow and dragged him into an empty classroom.

Axel forced his panic and agony down, smoothing his face into an impassive expression as he turned to face a quivering Roxas. Internally, the redhead was relieved to see gauze now wrapped around Roxas's knee, even if it was spotted with drops of crimson from the stress of his pursuit. He had bigger fish to fry though so he squelched that relief and braced himself.

Crossing his arms, he leaned against the door as Roxas edged to the opposite side of the room. "Alright, what's up with you? You've been avoiding me all day."

"I-I-I haven't been a-avoiding you…" Roxas squeaked as he pressed himself against the wall and flicked his eyes around for an escape. "You're just imagining things." He laughed but it was strained and caught in his throat. His eyes took on the electric hue they did whenever he got scared. Axel made to move closer. Suddenly, it all snapped into place as the redhead came to rest a scant foot in front of his prey.

"You're…scared of _me _aren't you?" His expression shocked, Axel steeled himself for the reply he knew was coming. Roxas looked like he wanted to deny it at first but in the end he nodded weakly.

"Why? I'd never hurt—"

"Did you even see yourself yesterday", the shorter boy blurted out. "Self-defense I can understand. B-but what you did…"

"I was protecting you", Axel shouted. He couldn't understand. Deep down he knew that the more he pushed the blonde the harder it would be to hold onto him. Axel glowered at the ground. They'd made so much progress yesterday…and who the hell was he to judge how Axel fought? "Did you like the way he touched you? Is that it?"

Roxas paled, fury now tangling with his fear in a sickening, reckless combination. "Shut the fuck up", he spat. "You had no idea what that did to me yesterday."

The redhead couldn't hear him now as his hysteria rose. A guttural roar ripped from his throat as he hefted a chair and chucked it at the wall next to him.

Roxas didn't understand. How could he? You had to ride your enemy to the ground or they'd be back…and they'd come for you. Axel's head spun for a second and his chest heaved as he fought for air, his thoughts hurtling around him in an angry, frenzied tornado. But when he looked up and saw the petrified expression that tightened Roxas's features, he knew he needed to calm down. He did have anger issues but…

"Roxas, don't ignore me…" His voice softened a tender decibel as he tried to reason with the shaking blonde. "Please, I'm sorry I was only trying to protect you. I- I like you a lot." His arms came up in a placating gesture as he took a step closer. "Aren't we friends? We made a promise right?"

The redhead bit back a curse as a shadow passed over the blonde's face. Roxas was erecting those damn blockades around his heart again as he pressed himself against the far wall. "I won't let you hurt me."

Axel's fingers spasmed in a violent gesture like he wanted to strangle the stubborn blonde. Instead, he moved without thinking, slamming his arms against cool plaster and trapping Roxas between it and Axel's heat. "When will you get it through your thick fucking skull that I would _never_ hurt you?"

The shorter boy was unfazed. Roxas glanced up at him, his face blank and his eyes dead. "I don't believe you. You can't claim something like that if you've only known me for…what? A little longer than a day? And the way you—"

"Don't throw yesterday in my face again. Sometimes I snap okay? And I'm sorry you had to see that side of me if it scared you so much but—"

"So what's to stop you from snapping on me like that?"

Axel raked a hand through his hair then dropped it to his side. "I…I don't…it's because..."

The room fell into a silence so perfect that for a moment not even the birds outside dared to sing.

When a few more moments passed in this breathless limbo Roxas sighed. "Then I think we're done here." Without another word the blonde shoved past him and limped out the door.

Axel had an answer, he did. But it stuck to the back of his throat and made his head feel like it was swathed in cotton.

"Because I don't want you to leave me."

The soft words were spoken in a reluctant growl because he hated that sudden intrusion of reliance and yearning. Axel spoke to empty air, to the desks warm from the sun that shredded through the dissipating clouds, to birds that he could now hear as they sang about nothing. They'd been singing the whole time really. It wasn't important though.

What was important was that he let these words float around things that wouldn't _hear him_ one way or another. He did this because letting the person he wanted most to know, to hear _his_ heart was far scarier than drunkard fathers or thunderstorms.

* * *

><p><strong>Q_Q I can't believe myself sometimes. I'm such an ass Dx Sorry for the crappy ending and all. Though, some parts were kinda cool _ I'm lame so don't take my opinion…. The word onion is buried in opinion if you stare at it long enough x333 Anyways, I wrote this chapter to highlight all the differences in our boys' lives :3 Pretty drastic don't you think? And well…I love torturing them. Read it. You want to. Read it. Just don't beat it, beat it, beat it… see? Totally lame xD *dances anyways* There were no song credits in this chapter O_O kinda surprised me. But oh well~<strong>

**More coming soon!**


	5. Chapter 4: Of Man and His Melon Soda

**….**

**….. xDDD ~slurps soba~ It's weird how fanfiction can make one happy and depressed all at the same time. This is coming so fast because it's like my third rewrite. Once again, No oen No sue pureez. No munnies are involved and or exchanged in the making of this production. Song shtuff at the end if I used any.**

**~ Thank you for reading 3**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Four: Of Man and his Melon Soda<span>_**

**_April 15, 2012 6:23 a.m._**

Roxas leaned back with a breathy sigh, fighting off the urge to stretch just a moment longer. It seemed much more satisfying that way, when you had to wait. His muscles ached and zinged with the effort he was using to abstain. Just…a moment….

He gave in finally, and his joints creaked in relief. The plush leather cradled him like a mother's womb, and his heart clenched involuntarily. A crash and curses from the kitchen luckily steered his attention away from treading that dark path. With a final glorious strain, Roxas scratched his scalp and ambled towards the source of the commotion.

The sight that he happened upon almost made him choke. Leon and Axel stood in a deadlock, both like towering titans in the Spartan kitchen as they loomed over a bowl of waffle batter.

"I'm telling you to give it here."

"Blow me, rocket man. I called first dibs and dammit I'm starving."

Axel raised his eyebrow at an insult he hadn't heard in years. "Rocket man? Really Squally? You _really_ want to go there?"

The leather-clad man snarled and wrenched the bowl out of Axel's arms but he used too much force. In slow motion the bowl spiraled through the air, coming to rest on Sora's head who happened to be perched out of direct sight on the far kitchen counter.

He kicked his feet against the wooden cupboards, marking the beat of his irritation. Roxas blinked. Shook his head. Blinked again and opened his mouth. Before he could get a word in edgewise, he was pushed aside. With a squawk he went plummeting forward. Axel turned, and like the knight he often prided himself to be, caught the blonde against his chest before Roxas could make himself a pile of bloody goo in the tile floor.

The redhead blinked down at the man in his arms as the person who bowled him over flounced into the kitchen. Demyx trundled in behind her, hiding a yawn behind one hand.

"Hey ladies. Where's my waffles", she bawled.

Leon and Axel traded murderous glares as Riku also joined the fray. The silver haired man—who somehow managed to look perfectly coifed even though he'd just woken up—took in the scene and cried out, dashing to Sora's side who still wore the batter like a battle scar.

"What the hell?" He scooped the plastic bowl off while Sora giggled, his eyes sparkling. Riku pushed his partner's legs apart and stood between them, carefully swiping at the globby mixture. Yuffie grinned and skipped over to Sora, running her finger through the mess in his hair. She placed the finger to her mouth and suckled happily, winking at Riku who slapped at her hand when she went to reach it forward again.

"It's good. Needs more salt though."

Everyone in the room—save the girl in question—pulled a face and breathed out a collective groan. Yuffie and her salt. And creamy, gooey messes.

Roxas shook himself and pushed away from the redhead who was still cradling him close. "Mind telling me what you people are doing in my—"

"Our", Axel cut in proudly.

"—kitchen?"

Leon grumbled and cinched the pink 'kiss the cook' apron tighter around his waist. "Well I _was_ trying to make a pleasant breakfast until that bozo you call a husband butted in."

Axel pushed his bottom lip out. "Better a bozo then a stoic bitch."

Leon went to charge him but Roxas skidded in between the two before more batter flew.

"_Aaaaand _Sora's just watching", Sora chirped. Riku licked more goopey mix off his cheek.

"Uh-oh shit's getting real now. Sora's referring to himself in third person again", Yuffie disguised her giggle with a yawn. Demyx shook his head at his wife's antics but opted to stay out of this.

"_Thank you_ Leon." Roxas put a hand on his chest and pushed him back. Axel stuck his tongue out but Roxas was on his game, even for how early in the morning it was. The blonde grabbed his tongue and pinched it between two strong, calloused fingers. "And you," he snapped. "Get me some coffee."

"Hut hi hihn't hu heny—"

"_Now_ rocket man."

"Hes hunnie." Axel grinned down at him and when Roxas finally released his tongue, he swept the wet muscle over the pads of the shorter man's fingers. Roxas's eyes dilated and he allowed the smallest shiver to chase down his spine but he would not be swayed. Oh no.

The blonde just wanted to catalogue more of his bio, thinking that the early morning hours were the perfect time for the not so peaceful venture. As he looked around at his gathered companions, he wondered what the fuck he'd been thinking.

Axel strutted towards the coffee pot and poured some steaming brew, mixing it up with the creamy leaf he knew the blonde liked on mornings when he reached a particularly dangerous level of cranky. Roxas turned to the rest of them. "Just don't make too much of a mess okay? Rosa will have enough of a time cleaning up after you slobs. Let's try not to make things too hard on her."

Yuffie glanced over and tapped her bottom lip. "How's the baby?"

Roxas's scowl softened. "Kicking like a bonafide soccer player. Rosa's _huuuuge_." He smiled fondly at the thought of the fierce spanish maid who fussed as well as any mother. She'd refused to take anytime off until she was absolutely forced to and it was impossible to convince her otherwise, though he'd tried. And tried. And tried some more.

_"Aye mijo, no. No, how will you eat without Rosa? She knows how to take care of you. Silencio mijo, I won't hear of it."_

Roxas shook his head and chuckled as Yuffie's expression darkened."Meguriaukagi, please. Let's see you try to carry a life for nine months and still keep up your girlish figure."

The blonde squawked in offense and made a violent gesture at her as Leon steered the conversation back on track like he usually did. He made a very loud, very rude noise. "People and Yuffie", the ninja inclined her head at the distinction as his sharp voice cut off more bickering before it could start. "Shut it. I help her clean anyways so just be quiet and go back to what you were doing. All of you." He aimed a wooden spoon at Yuffie's head. "_Especially_ you Kisaragi."

"Oi, leather butt. What the hell?" She ducked as the utensil flew past her head and smacked against Demyx's eye.

"You don't even have to say it. I know you, little girl. _Vamanos_!" His eyes glittered with malevolence. Yuffie's ears to pinkened a shade at his startling resemblance to Rosa.

Roxas coughed into his hand. "Leon, you know you don't have to. I pay her to do this stuff and she doesn't like people infringing on her territory..."

The brunette rolled his eyes. "Sue me kid. You know this is my thing. And she can't do much moving around with that thing in her belly."

Roxas hid a grin as Axel scoffed. "Sue me, blow me. God Leon, you talk worse than a cheap whore."

"I didn't say it this time", Yuffie hollered, throwing up her arms and accidentally smacking Demyx in his other eye. She squeaked and placed a kiss on his smarting flesh as the poor blonde's tears welled with a hiss.

"Oh, baby I'm so sorry. I don't know my own strength and—"

He shot her a grin and she smiled back before rubbing her nose against his. "That's alright Yuff. I'll get you back later", he husked against her ear.

"Fucking gross! Hetero-alert! Hetero-alert!"

Roxas and Leon both shot Axel a death glare and the redhead, for his part, had the good grace to look contrite.

Yuffie angled a slap at Leon's stomach and wiggled her eyebrows at Axel in a suggestive manner. "You went there before. And you _liked_ it." Yuffie strutted towards the door with one fist buried in the front of Demyx's shirt as he stumbled after. "And even though she turned to a he, it still counts."

Axel promptly gagged while the remaining members of their little group trickled out of the kitchen, leaving a very floury, very disgruntled Leon to complete his task.

The redhead craned his neck to find his man, who'd already made his way back to the living room. When he stepped into the lush interior, still swathed in shadows from the morning's dawn yet to break, the redhead paused to just watch Roxas go at it. The blonde sat stiffly in his chair, aware of nothing else but his fingers clicking in a controlled frenzy against the keyboard. Every now and again he'd flick his eyes up to watch his thoughts form across the document. He was in his own world and words were the only thing that existed.

Axel let out a breath and came into the room to set the coffee down by Roxas's elbow. The blonde flinched like he'd just been zapped and leaned back to stare up at the taller man. He winced at the broken creak that issued from the chair in of protest from the odd angle. Axel grinned down at him once more, but it was softer this time. Everything was quiet again, and even the faint clinking from the kitchen faded to a soft hush.

It would have been sacrilege to ruin the lazy sunrise so the two men, one sitting and one standing, remained peacefully marooned in the peaceful ether.

When warmth enveloped the room and danced on the rim of his cup, Roxas stirred and swiveled back around to face the blinking marker where he'd stopped in the middle of a thought. His fingers placed themselves with delicate deliberance again as he finished the sentence with a flourish.

"—**iliar, a distant nightmare that they all thought had been forgotten."**

Axel cocked his head to the side and one of his hands wandered down to fiddle with the fabric at Roxas's shoulder. "Just like composing one of your songs, huh?"

The blonde nodded. "Something like that."

They were quiet again for a stretch. At length, Axel brought his hand back and turned. "Just don't get too dragged down into it okay? I'm here now and I won't go anywhere again."

Roxas nodded but continued to stare forward at the computer screen. Before confessions, before the passion and even after, there was the fear. The fear and…

No. He was right. They were here now. Roxas closed his eyes and listened to the muffled shuffle of Axel's footsteps against the carpet. They'd been through a lot to get where they were today.

Roxas's muscles protested such an action so early in the morning but the blonde ignored it and hunched forward to type again.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**_September 18, 2007; time unknown_**

Axel was trapped in a limbo of pain. It wasn't the first time that his friends were aware of as he pulled away from everyone and everything in the course of the following days. But they were powerless as they'd been the first time to stop his decline. Touches contorted into violence, words morphed into harsh curses. The cold walls he erected around him were as disturbing as they were familiar, a distant nightmare that they all thought had been forgotten.

But Axel didn't forget. He knew what it truly felt like; the raw void that festered inside when someone left you behind, even as you begged…screamed for them not to go. He wrapped his hands in layers of gauze but speckles still showed through, the tell-tale sign of where he'd pound walls, the floor, anything he could get at until they bled. Until they numbed the real pain that mattered, even as it mocked him.

This was perhaps a tad dramatic since he had only met Roxas days ago. Yet every time the blonde brushed by him in the hallways and fled away in a panic the walls grew higher, the void colder. What he missed—so ensconced in his pain—was that Roxas could, in fact, tell.

And he was torn. He wanted to go to the redhead and soothe the wrinkles from that brow, cool the lonely shadows under his eyes that looked more like bruises from fists than signs of fatigue. But he was afraid. And Axel wasn't screaming for help, or from pain. At least not on the outside.

No, it was more than that. He was too afraid of what might happen to him. And he was all his mother had left. If it had just been him it might've been different; he might've taken the risk. But she was also getting worse.

And so their distance grew with the passing days, only broken by jolting coincidences that left them both aching and wanting for something they dare not even name.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Roxas."

"No."

"Roxas…"

"Don't touch me!"

"Roxas, plea—"

"Leave me alone!"

It was a couple mornings after their fallout and Axel had the boy cornered in a final attempt at communication. The redhead stood, but it was unclear what he stood for anymore. His hair had lost its fiery luster; his flesh looked ashen and sickly. Evidence of his weight loss reflected in the sharpness of his cheekbones and that he hadn't had a decent night's sleep for the past few days. His shoulders slumped when that animal panic glinted in Roxas's baby blues like a beacon from a ship lost at sea. Why couldn't he see that Axel felt just as lost? Why couldn't Roxas understand that he was begging for someone to find him too?

"Please, just—"

"No. Stop following me around. Stop trying to talk to me. I realize we made a promise, but you know what? Promises were made to be broken. Making friends is like writing in a new notebook; its fresh, and blank, and exciting. Okay, yeah. But then you write something and it ruins that pristine feeling." The redhead tried to touch him but Roxas was ruthless, shrugging off his touch and continuing. "Our notebook is still blank. I'm going to close it before anything can be written and messed up any more than it already is. Do you know why?"

Axel cringed and curled into himself like Roxas had just punched him in the gut, but still he refused to move. "I don't need any friends, especially ones as unpredictable as _you_."

It wasn't the words that bothered him so much. In fact, he welcomed them because for a moment they doused that perfect terror. But on the last word Roxas's throat constricted and it wheezed out as a squeak. He was truly afraid. And why shouldn't he be?

Axel knew what he was. He knew how scary he could be. He'd just taken it for granted that this little tid bit hadn't bothered his friends too much. There were times when he'd even scared them, flayed them open and hurt them in the worst way; but that was alright because they always forgave him. But this…this hurt more than anything because one of few people he knew he would never, _ever _raise a hand against was pushing him away with everything his little body had.

Roxas's shoulders slumped as well as the sparkle in his eyes erupted into tears that threatened to spill at any moment. "Please", he whispered. "I'm so tired Axel. Just leave me be."

The taller boy bowed his head and swallowed a roar that scratched at his throat. The silence around them was obscene. Weren't there supposed to be kids around or something? The final bell rang as an answer.

Oh.

Roxas's head jerked up and he gripped the strap on his shoulder tighter. "I have to go now."

Axel didn't move or say anything as the smaller boy brushed past him to head inside the building. He sighed, realizing just how pathetic he was being and made a decision right there. If this is what Roxas wanted, then this is what Roxas would get.

He wasn't the only one who was tired.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**_September 21, 2007; 4:10 p.m._**

"Yeah, I'm telling you. It's been how many days now? I don't know what's up, but he usually never misses school."

"I can't blame him, you know….because of his dad and all. I mean even if school is a drag it must be loads better than being at home. Do you think we should go check on him?"

"No!" Riku cringed and swallowed a nervous laugh when countless heads swiveled around to shoot him dirty looks for interrupting the lecture. His mouth hitched into an apologetic smirk as the teacher resumed in a steady drone about algorithms and functions. The silver-haired boy tucked his chin against his chest and leaned closer to the blond by his side.

"Demyx, I know you're whacked bro, but come on. You said it yourself; with a father like his…" His sentence trailed off but nothing else really needed to be said. The anxious silence spoke louder than any words could.

"Well…", the blonde ventured after a moment. His brow puckered and he poked out his tongue in a contemplative manner. "I think something hurt him. Bad. He looked like a puppy who'd just been kicked. I haven't seen him like that since—"

Riku shushed him.

What neither boy was aware of was that just a seat up from them, another blonde was sweating bullets. Roxas cradled his head in his hands and urged the nausea that knotted his stomach to ease a little. This was _all_ his fault. After that last blowup, he realized just how bitter he'd sounded. And Roxas wasn't a bad guy; even he could admit when he'd crossed the line.

Granted, Axel scared the ever-loving-shit out of him, but he hadn't deserved to be spoken to so harshly. Seeking some form of closure, Roxas had ditched his other classes in search of the redhead so that he could apologize, only to find that Axel skipped school altogether. And he'd given the janitor that caught him a black eye to boot.

The first day of Axel's absence hadn't really seemed like all that big of a deal. Roxas figured he could give him a day to cool off before approaching him. And this would give him time to formulate an adequate apology anyways. The second day of Axel being a no show had been mildly upsetting… but at least he had an apology he was sure the other boy would accept. The third day, well. It was the third day now. He had an apology that would have made even Caligula weep and Axel was still nowhere to be found.

An idea sparked in his mind as the bell to release them from school trilled with merciful authority. He turned, not bothering to gather his things until he was sure this would work.

Demyx had already zoomed out the door but there was still Riku, who stood like a man condemned as he shoved his things into his bag with a methodical aim that made Roxas raise an eyebrow. His expression was sour, like he loathed his impending task. In between strangling the life out of his pencil and punching his binder, the blonde tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Hey um…" Roxas gulped, realizing this was probably the single most awkward moment of his life. Riku straightened and looked down his nose at the other boy.

"May I help you…_Roxas_, was it?"

The blonde bristled but opted to remain polite even though something about this guy rubbed him the wrong way. "Yeah…uh…" He clenched his fists and tensed. "I overheard you talking and—"

"It's rude to eavesdrop on other peoples' private conversations, you know." Riku raked him with a sneer but Roxas plowed on.

"Well…anyways I was just wondering…"

"Out with it. I have something I need to be doing and right now, I'm not in any particular mood to deal with dumbasses."

Roxas swallowed the retort that scaled his tongue. "That's just it. I…I wouldn't mind going over to his house for you."

Relief flitted across the taller boy's face before hardening with suspicion so fast it gave Roxas whiplash. Riku braced one arm on his desktop before leaning over, a choppy silver curtain spilling over one shoulder as he brought his face level with Roxas's own. The blonde titled his head up, forcing his expression to remain neutral as they faced off. Riku's lips quirked up at the challenge. He murmured in a dangerous undertone "What's this all abo—",

"Boys? Is there a problem?" The professor clicked up to them and cocked her hip with one eyebrow arched. She looked between the two who were making a visible effort to force amicable smiles onto their faces. "Boys?"

Riku was the first to speak. "No ma'am. Roxas here was just telling me how he'd like to…volunteer", on that word he looked down at Roxas and the smugness there caused a sick curl in the boy's stomach. "—to bring Axel his homework since he's been absent. That's all."

The professor nodded. "Well played Roxas. Let me go get the work. I can give you a list of his professors and have you make a run to them too. Oh! But I'd better call ahead. Will you be needing his address as well?" Roxas offered a numb nod as she bustled off, mumbling to herself all the while.

Roxas gulped again and Riku clapped him on the shoulder. "I don't envy you pal. I'd say good luck but it'll take a lot more than that…"

Dread tickled his chest as Roxas eyeballed the taller boy who trailed off with a sneer. Did he know that it was Roxas's fault that Axel had been MIA over the past few days? No, surely not….

Aquamarine bored into his own but Roxas refused to step down.

"Hey!" The call was high-pitched but still distinctly male and it served to break the mounting tension between them. Both heads swiveled in the direction it came from. Roxas squawked, having barely enough time to dive out of the way before a blur of brown roughly his height launched itself into Riku's arms.

Roxas blinked at the mess of spikey chocolate locks and busied himself with getting back to his feet.

"—and I _told _him not to touch it, but _noooo_. Tidus said he didn't want fingerprints anymore and I bettcha that's just what he's gonna get. Ms. Fitz almost had a stroke when she pushed him under the showerhead. Thought the sulfuric acid was gonna eat right through."

Roxas raised an eyebrow but made himself inconspicuous so the brunette wouldn't feel the need to introduce himself and make this situation any more awkward than it already was. It worked like a charm and Riku and the other boy were arm-in-arm, out of the classroom in no time.

The blonde breathed out a sigh of relief before returning to his desk and collecting his materials as fast as possible. The professor clicked up to him one final time and laid the assignments from her class, the list of Axel's other classes, and his address into the boy's waiting hands.

"It's good that Katoku has friends as responsible as you are." A lump swelled in his throat and he felt the beginnings of a cold sweat bead on his skin. Roxas nodded again though as she patted him on the shoulder and he turned to go collect the rest of the packet.

"One more thing", she called as he slid the door back. He glanced at her. "Be careful Meguriaukagi."

There it was again. Axel's dad couldn't be that bad could he? Roxas shook it off and made his rounds, catching all the professors except for Slutsky just in time. Then again, this didn't really surprise or put him out. It was Slutsky after all.

Hefting the considerable pile in his arms, Roxas walked off school grounds at a brisk pace. He kept looking around for Xigbar and his cronies but luck seemed to be on his side for once. There was no one in sight. Smiling at his good fortune, the boy stole a glance down at the address then back up at the street he was on. He nodded to himself and made for the park. If he could just get through there it'd be a cinch.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas bent at the waist and heaved oxygen in and out in a panic. He clutched the papers to his chest like a lifeline and waited a moment to catch his breath. He'd just managed to escape two stray dogs and a rabid hobo.

_Good fortune, my ass._

Growling at the steady throb in his knee, the stifling heat of his body, and weakness he was really starting to get tired of, Roxas straightened again with a sigh. He swiped the moisture off his forehead and banished the scowl from his face even though he would have much rather left it right where it was.

Anger was comfortable right now.

But he had to make a good first impression, even if he'd never see Axel's dad again. Yeah. This was only a one time trip to make an apology and clear his conscious.

The blonde shook his head as he limped towards the grey building at the end of the street, the one that boasted the same address scrawled on the slip of paper. This was it. Roxas craned his neck at the bottom of the steps and felt a chill fuse into his bones. It would have been funny—the concept of rescuing the princess from the castle—if the place didn't look so…intimidating. Rescuing wasn't in Roxas's quota anyhow.

He trudged up the steps and stopped at the door. His arm rose to knock but he paused. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. The blonde turned his head and looked out at the view, the park, the empty street. Where were all the cars?

A cat padded by and paused to glance up at him. He smiled and it yowled before sitting and grooming its paw. Roxas turned back to the door and swallowed. He'd come this far, so he might as well go all the way.

Roxas cringed as his three short knocks rumbled like gunshots through the interior of the imposing building. He stood back when faint curses issued from behind the door and the lock clanked. It swung open with a _whoosh_ and the blonde dug his heels in so the moving air couldn't drag him forward. He had trouble finding the good grace not to gag as the stench of alcohol and rancid sweat crept forward to slug him in the gut.

The man was balding and without a shirt. His chest was hairy and his teeth and eyes were yellow as he stifled a yawn and glared at Roxas. He reached down a burly hand to scratch at the bulge in his sweatpants. Even though he appeared to have just woken up, he still carried a mean air about him. Those sickly eyes settled on the stack of papers in Roxas's hands and sharpened.

"No solicitors", he growled, making a move to slam the door in the blonde's face. Dredging up the last of his courage, Roxas rushed forward and caught it before it closed all the way.

"Ah! Sir, wait! This is Axel's homework from the days he's missed. I was wondering if I could give it to him."

The man paused and opened the door again, regarding the slight blonde on his doorstep while scratching idly at his chin. The calculative gleam in his eye made Roxas want to run for his life.

"You a fag", he croaked.

Roxas's jaw dropped. "S-sir?"

"I asked if you were a fag, son. Are you?"

Why the hell was everyone assuming that? "N…no but…sir, is Axel here? I just want to give him his work and I'll be on my way."

The man's eyes narrowed. "He ain't here."

"I could leave the papers here then or come back at another time. Do you know when he'll be ba—"

"I don't know dammit. Don't care much neither. He does this, goes out for days at a time. Always comes crawling back though. He has to." The man's face pulled into a sneer. "It doesn't matter." He was fully awake now and his edges hardened even more.

Roxas stood with his knees quaking a little, shocked at the man's overt callousness. "Isn't that dangerous? Shouldn't you call the police or something? What if he's hurt somewhere or—"

"I said it doesn't matter", the old man snapped, cutting him off with a warning growl.

The blonde ignored it. "He's your son though."

The father charged forward and drove Roxas back with a gasp. He slapped the papers out of Roxas's arms and stood over him so that Roxas was forced to lean back and crane his neck to look up at the man.

"Don't speak so freely about something you know _nothing_ about. He's doesn't mean _shit_ to me. That little fucker is nothing more than a waste of space." The man loosed a bitter laugh that raised goose bumps on Roxas's arms as his pungent breath rippled across tan flesh like poison. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as the father cut off and sized him up.

"He doesn't need this homework shit anyways. The boy will die before he graduates, I'll bet you anything. He's too stupid. Too wild." The sickly man leered at Roxas as the boy swallowed. "I'll be sure to let him know you dropped by though when…_if _he comes home."

Roxas stepped back, unable to take it anymore. He turned and took the stairs three at a time. As he neared the bottom the boy stumbled and bit back a curse, hitting the ground hard, tearing open his knee again. The father's mocking laughter followed him the whole way. He dashed down the street, ignoring the fatigue in his body as mortification scraped against his soul. Only when the laughter that had long since drifted out of earshot ceased to numb every facility in his mind did Roxas slow down.

From a run, to a stumble, to an aimless walk…he crashed to his knees and hugged himself. Shaken, he didn't even bother to try and swallow the sobs as his hot tears fled in burning trails down his cheeks. How long had Axel had to live with that man?

How could he be so…so kind after…

Roxas got to his feet and his knees wobbled but he pressed forward, his hand trailing the rough wall by his side as an anchor. He knew he was attracting strange looks from passerby but he didn't care. It hurt too much. The thought of Axel…alone…it hurt too much.

He wanted to see Axel. Needed to see him and apologize for all the harsh things he'd said. Suddenly desperate, his joints screamed but he picked up into a desperate jog. He had to find him and hug him. Let him know that…

More sobs rose in his chest to choke him and the chilly air bit at his fevered flesh. His tears were blinding, his body in pain, but that all seemed an obscene parody. His heart was the focal point of true agony…and regret.

What if he couldn't find him? What if it was already too late?

Cries of despair clawed against his ears. Was that his voice? It sounded strange. His sneakers slapped against the pavement and each impact was like a hammer against his sanity. With every step he felt Axel drifting farther away. He kept seeing the boy, the red from his hair spreading to more of his body. The boy was cold, asleep. The old man crowed above him and sneered. No!

"Hey, dammit. I'm talking to you."

Roxas put his arms up and jerked away from the arms holding him. The one belonging to those arms snarled and shoved him against the wall.

"I said hey! What the fuck is your problem, huh?"

Roxas's hysteria tempered a little and some of the fog cleared. When he looked up his eyes widened and he hunched into himself, wishing for it back.

"Ooh. Look who it is guys? Little blondie came back to play."

Xigbar smirked and stepped closer to Roxas who clutched the strap on his shoulder with whited knuckles. The other guys scuffled around behind their leader, the scarred boy in question carrying his bad mood around like a knife between his shoulders.

Pebbles plunked, stinging as electric shocks against his sensitive skin. Roxas flinched and cowered back, panting from his current pain and the knowledge that more was just around the corner. A bigger rock caught him in the temple this time and he cried out, clutching at the spot as he felt something warm and sticky flow down. When he drew his hand back there was red smeared against his palm.

Bile rose in his throat and he screamed. Only now did he notice that no one would hear him. In his panic, they'd managed to back the boy into an alley where they wouldn't be seen and even if someone happened upon them, no one would make a fuss.

Roxas crumbled against the wall and tucked his head into his arms, the wound starting to throb as blood flowed freely. And still the rocks came. And still they all laughed. Roxas cursed all the Gods that might have been listening, praying for proper bladder control at the same time.

Xigbar held up his hand and the rocks stopped. He grabbed both the boy's shoulders and hauled him to his feet. "There, there. I only want us to have a little chat. Behave now, and this will only hurt a little."

Little sounds of distress escaped his lips and Roxas loathed every one. Every single one that just seemed to hammer the fact home that he couldn't fight back. He tried to shrug Xigbar's grip off, to no avail. Xigbar's grin widened as he grazed the back of his knuckles against the bruises that were now green and yellow on the shorter boy's neck.

"Hey, I said relax. My friends and I only want to have a little chat, without your little friend around."

Roxas flinched again when Xigbar tried to ease the strap off his shoulder. The scarred boy laughed and wrenched it from him. His friends chuckled and moved into a solid circle, something they seemed to have been trained to do quite well.

The light tan of his skin paled as the blonde quivered.

"Jeeze kid. Calm down. You look like you're about to wet yourself."

True statement. His prayer for bladder control was barely holding out. "W-what do you want to t-talk about?" Roxas gave himself a mental kick as Xigbar barked out a guttural laugh.

"I thought I broke you of that stuttering bullshit last time. You don't really learn well do you?" He leaned forward and Roxas shrunk as far as he could away. It didn't help as the scarred boy fit their bodies snugly together. "You should leave the kid you were with the other day alone. That faggot will only lead you into a mess of trouble. My boys", he tilted his head to refer to the chuckling posse at his back, "and I don't like any unnecessary violence, you see?" He gave leisurely grind that made Roxas shudder and jerk. The smaller boy made to push him away but Xigbar snagged his wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head. "Don't fight me", he husked. "You don't want to fight right? Just behave." He rolled his hips so they collided with Roxas's core.

"_Sss_…g-get _off_ me!"

His other hand came up and molded over Roxas's mouth, muffling more small cries as his piston became harsh. "That's right, boy. You _like_ it." Their bodies heated up as respective shafts twitched to life under the ramming friction. Xigbar barked out a laugh when sharp teeth embedded into his palm. He pulled back as Roxas bit his lip to regain some composure.

The blonde's face twisted as he glared up through icy slits into that single, searing eye that glinted with malice. In true Roxas form, his snarky side reared its head at the wrong time.

"He's the faggot huh? Like _you're_ any better." Xigbar paused and scowled as strength surged into the arms he was restraining. Roxas wrenched himself free, panting and flushed as the taller boy's scowl darkened.

"Watch it blondie. I'm being nice to you now, but don't push the limits of my kindness."

"Stop me if you've heard this one before." Roxas stood up straight and pressed his hand against Xigbar's chest, his breathe rattling with his impending death as he pushed the taller boy back. "So, a group of punks get their butts handed to them—"

Xigbar's eye flashed as he snatched Roxas up by the throat. He lifted the blonde bodily off his feet and slammed him into the far wall again. The boy's eyes clenched shut and his hands clutched at the one pinning him, scratching at it as he gagged for air.

"I told you not to fucking push me." The hand constricted as the taller boy leaned in to hiss against his ear. "You'd best school that tongue boy, before you lose it." It was then that Roxas realized why there was only one hand around his throat. The other was fingering a knife. A knife that rose and brushed lovingly against his face.

Roxas's mouth worked helplessly, nothing but a gurgle of protest escaping as his feet dangled. He had no strength, not even enough to flail. His face reddened and his eyes teared and glazed over.

Just when he thought he'd faint, Xigbar dropped him. The leader stepped back as one of his underlings came forward to pick him up again. Roxas groaned and leaned against the guy's shoulder as he made Roxas's gut his personal punching bag.

There is a point when you are in so much pain that you can't really feel anymore. Roxas wasn't there yet. The blonde bent to cradle his stomach and a sharp jarring against his skull told him the guy had just planted his fist into the back of his neck.

Roxas blinked in shock, too jolted to cry out. When he slumped to hit the dirt Xigbar stepped forward again and rolled him onto his back. The blonde's chest rose with each painful intake, eyes pleading silently for mercy. The scarred boy sneered and placed his foot at the dip of Roxas's crotch, grinding down on the half-hard length.

"Hnn—no! Ahh..ah-hh…s-stop, it hurts", Roxas sobbed, his voice gaining in pitch as the unbearable pressure increased. More tears gathered as his back arched and his hands pushed at Xigbar's ankle. "N-no mo…p-plea-se… it really hur—!" He choked when the taller boy's foot gave a vicious twist.

Satisfied, the leader stepped back and swept his singular gaze around the gathered. His lips curled into the cruel parody of a smile as he stepped back and made a silent signal. They jumped right in. All Roxas could do was curl into a ball and brace himself as they punched and kicked the life out of his tired, pulsing body.

After some time Xigbar held up his fist and they stepped back again. He helped Roxas to feet and nudged him to stand back against the wall with disturbing gentleness. His face pulled into a sick smile as he cupped Roxas's raised cheek in his rough palm. Blood spilled freely from the boy's temple, his nose, his split lip. Xigbar leaned over and licked some off his forehead.

"Will you cooperate now? This doesn't have to be so complicated."

Roxas might have answered if he could hear through his haze of pain. As it was he stood there like the living dead, swaying. Xigbar knew he couldn't hear. He just pretended he didn't.

"I take that as a no. Boys."

They pounced like hyenas on a carcass. Roxas moaned and tensed and shuddered. He didn't know how long their onslaught continued but all at once it stopped. From his place on the ground, the blonde could sense that something had changed drastically.

Their focus was no longer on him because something had descended on them. They screamed and scattered, the leader shouting to bring whoever it was down. The flurry of activity was painful, everything was moving too fast and all Roxas could think of was wanting to sleep forever. But his eyes remained open, catching little flashes of red that hurtled past him every now and again. A savage roar. The sound of blows; crunching, slapping.

Roxas was finally allowed a reprieve as he slipped into the black ether that beckoned him in.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o

When Roxas came to, it took about as much effort as lifting boulders from his eyelashes.

"…as...xas."

His senses washed over him slowly, tugging and pushing back like a serene wave eating up a sandy shore. He was still curled in a fetal position and swallowed as agony came flooding back, thrumming against every snapping nerve.

"Roxas."

He sank completely back into himself and realized Axel was standing over him, tapping at his cheeks lightly with cool hands.

"Hey", his lips hitched into a grin. "Welcome back to the living."

Roxas made to sit up and regretted it an instant later. He grabbed at his head as his breath hitched. It felt as if someone had rammed into him with a semi. Then double-tapped. And triple-tapped for good measure.

He pulled his hands away and frowned when his vision stopped swimming.

"Not too fast now, or you might barf."

Too late. Roxas rolled to the side. Axel jumped back but some of the vomit almost him anyway. Regardless, he stayed close. When the blonde was finished he wiped his hand across his mouth and grimaced at the nasty mixture of blood and bile that still lingered on his tongue. Even his gums were throbbing.

He glanced up, careful to keep his movements measured so that he wouldn't toss his cookies again. He didn't miss the surreptitious way that Axel wiped his knuckles off on his jeans. His hands were covered in blood. The scary part was that none of it seemed to be his.

Axel knelt and scooted forward, holding something against the smaller boy's head. The shock from the cold contact made Roxas want to jerk away but the desire to keep from being sick again overrode that. So he sat there and let Axel soothe him with the object. After a minute, his skull stopped shrieking in protest and it started to feel really good.

By now, Roxas had a little control over his motor skills and he reached up to take charge of the cold weight that Axel ministered. Their hands brushed against each other for the smallest moment but Axel was the first to pull away.

The smaller boy groped around the object and realized it was cylindrical. He chuckled and brought the drink down to take a glance at it. Roxas was supremely proud of himself for not squeaking. It was a can of yubari melon cream soda, his favorite. This was better than vending machine porn.

Axel rose as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, watching the blonde. It made Roxas nervous, but there wasn't much he could do about it. And it wasn't like Axel's stare was demanding or judgmental. It was steady, unassuming, and perhaps this was why it knocked him so hard off guard. Those green eyes were devoid of any ulterior motives as they stroked over his body like a physical caress.

Roxas would come to discover that in later years, if he didn't have Axel's eyes on him he wouldn't even be able to fall asleep. It was something that he would grow so used to that he'd wonder how he ever functioned without it; like living in a really sunny place without sunglasses.

Unfortunately, Roxas at the moment was one who would cut off his nose to spite his face. Axel—despite what he said earlier—still kept the silent offer open. Refusing to acknowledge it, Roxas cracked the soda open and took a healthy swig before placing it back against his head.

Words caught in his throat; I miss you, I hate you, Where the _hell've_ you been...nothing seemed adequate enough to get how he truly felt across. How did he feel?

"You shouldn't be out here kid. This isn't a good part of town." Axel seemed unconcerned as he scratched his chin and looked around at the graffiti-scarred walls that flanked the alleyway. Roxas gaped up at him, forgetting his original reason for even being here. He'd wanted to apologize but for what? What the hell!

Anger descended on him like life-saving armor. He clasped it to his chest and held tight to the comfort that the crackling emotion granted.

"This is all your fault!"

Axel lifted a brow but refused to move from his spot against the wall, even as Roxas wobbled to his feet. He pointed an angry, trembling finger at the taller boy. "If you'd just left me alone, they wouldn't have gotten the wrong fucking idea! I would still be enjoying my solitude without the headache that you seem to give me every time we meet! This is _all_ your fucking fault! I ha—"

A shadow passed over Axel's face. "Go ahead. I _dare_ you to say it."

When Roxas's words faltered, the redhead sighed and pinched the skin between his eyes. "Why are you out here", he murmured when the silence had stretched for too long.

Roxas eyed Axel, really _seeing_ him for the first time in days. The ragged exhaustion, the desolate pain that lingered just past the surface of those once-laughing eyes. "I…I came to find you—"

"And yet here you stand, all high and mighty. What do you think I've been trying to do Roxas? I've been _trying_ to leave you alone. It's _not _my fault if you decided to come find me all on your own."

"I…" His breath caught painfully in his lungs. This isn't what he'd come here to do. "I wanted to d-drop off your homework and—"

Axel rocketed away from the wall and gripped Roxas by both shoulders. The shorter boy cried out as Axel's fingers dug into his bruised flesh. "You've been to my house?"

"Axel! Ouch, let go. Axel, it hurts!"

"Have. You. Been. to my house", he grit out between clenched teeth as he shook Roxas a little.

"Y-yes, but I—"

Axel stepped back and he paled, trembling. "Then you've met him? You've…met my dad?"

Roxas paused at the shame that scalded Axel's cheeks. He softened suddenly, knowing that a fight was what neither of them needed at the moment. He reached up and laid his palm against the muscle working furiously in Axel's jaw.

"Axel." The redhead looked away from him but didn't pull back.

"Axel, look at me." Gently, he coerced the taller boy's head down to meet his gaze. "I met him, yes." Axel's eyes squeezed shut and his brow furrowed. Roxas sighed and cupped his other cheek. "I can't say that I'm a big fan though."

Despite Axel's mood, a small laugh escaped him. "That makes two of us." The redhead buried his face deeper into Roxas's hands as he inhaled the faint peachy scent on his wrists. It was tainted by blood and the pulse beat wildly against his cheek but this was honestly the most content Axel had felt in a long time.

Roxas was about to open his mouth to say something else but the world began spinning and he started to fall. Axel caught him as he spiraled down and held his hair back while Roxas unloaded his stomach again. There went the soda. Here came the bile. It flowed until there was nothing left. Even so, Roxas's body continued to convulse as he gagged for air.

Axel let him wretch a moment more, rubbing soothing circles against his back and whispering words of comfort in the shell of his ear. He picked the blonde up and cradled him close when the trembling eased.

"Axel, stop. Put me dow—"

"Shush. Just tell me where to go. I can still move without help. You, on the other hand—" The boy looked down and snorted at the bundle in his arms. Roxas bristled but all his compunctions were quickly forgotten as the beat of Axel's heart thumped against his aching skull. It was soothing, that steady rhythm. Maybe for this moment, Roxas could allow himself a modicum of comfort.

Axel took a step forward. Then another. They were soon moving at a solid, gentle lope and Roxas relaxed against him, lulled into that realm between dreams and reality. He felt like he was floating on a soft cloud and here nothing could touch him, hurt him, scream at him and break him. Here, he was safe.

Roxas listened to the rush of blood that pulsed in his ears, the rise and fall of the moist breath that puffed against his face as Axel bore his weight.…

The blonde was grateful but he'd never admit it. He was being such a pansy right now that he wanted to beat himself up as well, just for good measure. He'd sooner gnaw off his own arm before owning up to it though.

The two spent a long time in silence that was occasionally broken by Roxas's soft directions. He eventually lost energy enough to do even this and just pointed the way. They kept moving forward, Axel quiet all the while.

After some time though, he spoke. The rumble of his voice vibrated through Roxas's entire body like a deep tissue massage and he couldn't stop the comfortable sigh that escaped his lips.

"You're really going to want to take it easy. I can feel a couple of broken ribs."

The blonde groaned. "Just what I need."

Axel chuckled and shifted the boy carefully in his arms to cater to his own soreness. "You'll be fine."

If he'd been at full power, Roxas just might have bitten him for sounding so amused. As it was, he opted for lapsing back into that peaceful hush.

When they reached Roxas's place, the boy fidgeted a little and tried to get Axel to release his hold so that he could unlock the door. The redhead refused with a light shake of his head and motioned for Roxas to hand him the key.

He pulled the chain from out under shirt and handed it to the stubborn boy. Axel shifted his bundle again and held him with one arm while he unlocked the door with the other.

Looking around, he nudged the door shut with his foot. "Where's your bathroom?"

Roxas squirmed against him but Axel tightened his hold. "Just point the way. I don't want you getting sick again."

Despite the tone of the command, Roxas felt a tickling warmth erupt in his stomach. He complied with a tired finger and Axel lugged him in that direction, gently setting him down on the toilet. He opened the medicine cabinet and rummaged around before pulling out the first aid kit.

His hands were swift and sure, like he'd done this countless times before. That thought made Roxas's heart sink like a lead weight. He felt the sudden compunction to pull the taller boy into a hug, despite the fact that he wanted to strangle him for treating Roxas like he was an invalid. He acted on neither impulse and watched Axel work quietly.

The redhead flipped the alcohol bottle upside down and held it there for a few seconds as the liquid soaked into a cotton swab. Pulling back, he tested it between two fingers then set the bottle down and came towards Roxas. The latter flinched and let a soft hiss out from between his clenched teeth, but otherwise he kept still.

Axel attended to him quickly; cleaning, wrapping, bracing. His touch was firm but gentle and despite Roxas's predicament he felt himself relaxing into it as a blush dusted across his nose. The adrenaline from earlier was suddenly like a deadweight in his veins, making him groggy.

That is, until Axel got to the wound at his temple.

Roxas yelped and pulled back, cupping himself as he quivered. Axel drew his hand away to give the blonde a second as his gaze lingered on the white knuckles protecting the blonde's crotch. He's been too late again. Green eyes narrowed as Axels' jaw clenched.

The blood rushed to where Roxas hurt the most, to both his heads—making his nose sting and dark splotches drift into his vision. After a couple of deep breaths, Roxas clenched his hands and deliberately set them back on his knees, nodding for Axel to continue.

The redhead swabbed with a gentle deliberance, keeping a close eye on Roxas's reaction. He dabbed lightly at a few more scrapes and tended the split lip last. Long fingers grazed against the cut, soothing the sting away with Neosporin.

Every brush against his lip caused jolts to dance across his flesh and swirl around Roxas's most secret place. It was painful but…a sweet pain, bearable. The blonde groaned when the sensation became too much to handle. With his eyes cracked open, his face pulled into a scowl at Axel's grin.

"This isn't funny."

"If you say so."

Roxas refused to make another sound.

After finishing, Axel knelt down and rubbed the blonde's thigh. "Is there anything you need?"

Roxas flinched, locking his jaw as his head jerked from side to side. Axel smirked and got to his feet, offering the boy a hand up but he wouldn't take it. Instead, the blonde braced himself on the towel rack and pulled himself up, gasping as a frenzy of spots darkened his vision once more.

Axel rushed forward and held him close, rubbing his back until his breathing calmed again. Roxas swatted at the redhead, sluggish.

"I don't need to be coddled, you know."

The taller boy tensed then growled, tired of the fact that the blonde kept throwing his actions back in his face. "Fine, no more coddling." Faster than Roxas could register, he was swept roughly off his feet. "Where's your room then", he snapped.

It was plain that he'd hurt Axel's feelings, but his pride got in the way of apologizing, the words catching painfully in the back of his throat. Roxas fell quiet and leaned against the broad, warm chest being offered while he was carted up the stairs. "Last door on the right", the blonde mumbled.

The door flew open with a snap and Roxas was ejected from Axel's arms.

"Ouch! Hey wait, I—"

And just like that the redhead was gone. He walked out of the bedroom without looking back. Roxas flinched as he heard the front door slam as well. He was gone. Roxas's irritation swept in on a fresh, prickling inferno. His chest tightened, not from broken ribs but empty guilt. Why did he always fucking have to run his mouth off?

Axel was just…

Roxas got to his feet and swayed in place a minute before he plodded over and closed his door all the way, wondering why he'd been so anxious to see Axel in the first place. They only caused each other grief.

With a sigh Roxas turned again, contemplating tackling his homework. He rummaged around for his bag when he remembered that it was back where he'd gotten jumped. Xigbar had ripped it off. Funny, how that moment seemed like it happened ages ago.

Dammit!

Roxas glanced at the clock and groaned before plopping onto his bed. He snatched a pillow up and screamed into it, gripping the satiny edges until his fingers wanted to fall off. He took a deep breath before repeating the action; the sound buzzing against his face while his head lightened more and more with every expulsion.

The blonde wasn't quite sure how long this went on but figured later that he must have blacked out. When he decided to crawl from under his pillow and glance at the clock, the shadows of early evening were already beginning to stretch across his floor.

With a sigh, he lay back down and faced the wall in an attempt to steady himself. His last conscious thoughts before his mind checked out again revolved around the abstract notion that Axel didn't have a bed to cuddle into when he wasn't feeling well. Not a safe one at least.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Next chapter is being cranked out and tweaked as we speak. Well, as you read and I type. The beginning for this chap is obviously present time and the events following are the past life story. It's kinda like a fanfic bio? Lol, it'll make sense in a while :3 Thanks for reading!<em>**


	6. Chapter 5: Building the Chrysalis

**Q_Q A chapter a day makes the readers stay. Yes.**

**Typical snarlfest of no ownage or munnie-age exchangment. Get over it? I already have, so hah!**

**Song lyric kudos at the end if any. Forgive any typos and uh, enjoy :3**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Five:<span>_** **_Building the Chrysalis_**

Sirens screamed in the distance and Axel found himself stiffening out of habit.

_Not for me. Not for me._

The police car tore past, nothing but a blur of blue and white and shrieking, blinding light. The redhead tucked his hands into his pockets and frowned. They really weren't for him. The car turned out of sight and he kept walking, heaving a sigh when the dirge faded.

Axel imagined he could see a perfect world in that car. It rushed ahead to unknown crimes, to catch and beat down desperate kids like him. The redhead knew well the cold heavy sting of handcuffs as they took away your pride and freedom. He felt strong hands leaving bruises on the undersides of his arms from the harsh yanking as he was dragged to his cage.

They were all criminals without homes… Of course, there were adults too. But how did they get to that position? It was said that you were the product of your upbringing.

The redhead's fingers convulsed into a fist. His father was from a rich family. Everything had been fucking perfect until Axel had…

No.

Not right now. He supposed everyone had their reasons for going bad, so why? Why couldn't he give in all the way and be what most people saw him as? A delinquent. A leech on good society as he sought shelter in the beds of men and women alike, desperate for anyone to take him and make him forget what he was for at least a short while. A troublemaker who was fit for nothing but slinking around in shadows for the rest of his pitiful existence.

He had the appearance, sure. He'd even gone so far as to tattoo scars under his eyes. His hair was a natural thing, and his leather jacket, well.

But why did he still feel the need to not give into his role completely? A harsh laugh escaped his throat and bounced feebly off the damp brick of the closing stores he was wedged between. He knew the answer. He just wanted to piss everyone off and keep them guessing until he closed his eyes for the final time. Yeah.

"_Look what vermin I've raised. Shameful."_

Water from the ledge above dripped down and streaked across his cheek. The redhead's body coiled and he had to remind himself that even leftover raindrops weren't as thick as his father's spit. Even swimming in gutters, they probably smelt better too. He wiped it away with the sleeve of his jacket as he turned down another alley.

Xigbar was really in for it when he got a hold of that scarred bastard. Pain was easier to give than receive after all.

"_Just what I need."_

No, a beating wasn't what Roxas needed. He needed to stay away and yet he'd come looking for him. What was it he'd said? To give him homework? His dad must still be laughing if he wasn't passed out again. Roxas didn't deserve this. Axel pursed his lips as he came upon what he'd been searching for.

The redhead blessed whatever compulsion he'd had that'd pushed him to leave the arcade earlier. Mindless button mashing when you hated the world was really the most therapeutic thing around. But that's when he'd heard the cries, the grunts, the pleas that weren't just electronic and controlled.

That's when he'd seen Roxas curled up on the ground while those that beat him crowed with their supposed victory. Axel's lip curled before he could stop it. Thirteen against one was no way to fight.

It was getting dark now, he had to hurry. The redhead wrapped the strap around his wrist and tugged a soggy bundle off the ground before slinging it over his shoulder. The sirens started up again and Axel winced. Yeah, they weren't for him now but they'd be coming for him again…soon. Not before he'd have himself a piece of Xigbar though.

The redhead fancied he could hear a woman scream and laughed softly at the siren's wail as it rushed in the direction opposite the one his legs were carrying him.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas blinked as his vision rippled and hazed, only to sharpen in teases of detail before slipping out of focus again. Dark static pressed against his open eyes, willing them back into that sweet ether that healed. The ceiling was gray and twisted with each shadow cast from the trees blowing outside in the lazy breeze.

Everything was new, heavy as if Roxas had just been reborn. His lungs stretched until they burned as he inhaled the air that still smelt clean from the storm. The blonde's first instinct was to arch his back and stretch but reality—cruel, cruel reality—gave him pause. He gasped and smothered a whimper as his muscles shrieked, sending a lick of fire up his spine.

"...ngh! Sonuva—" He rolled into the pain, groaning softly as it dissipated into a burning tingle until a disturbingly familiar voice snapped his eyes open.

"I told you to be careful kid. Damn you heavy sleepers anyway."

Roxas smothered his discomfort and sat up to scoot away from the taller boy. He gasped and swallowed a throat-tearing scream. One eye. Jagged scar. The image of Xigbar shimmered in the air as it reached for him before Axel swept through the illusion and forced it to dissipate. The redhead strode forward, confident and deadly as the strengthening dark cradled him. He looked…evil as he came to lean by Roxas's bedside. No, not evil Roxas thought.

More like…he glowed. Even the shadows didn't dare to shield him unless he willed it. Long fingers reached out and Roxas couldn't stop himself from flinching as they grazed across his cheek. Axel ignored it as relief bloomed in his emerald gaze and eased the strained lines around his frown. "A messy one by the looks of it too."

It was only when he pulled back that Roxas caught the faint glimmer of drool that coated the gentle hand.

His cheeks stained pink as he scrubbed his face with the side of his long sleeved… he hadn't fallen asleep in this. The blonde eyeballed Axel as three thoughts flitted through his mind in quick succession: 1) He could have killed Roxas or something, 2) He hadn't killed Roxas…or something, so 3) What was he doing here?

As if reading his thoughts Axel held up a strap. Blue eyes followed the strap down and widened on a messenger bag. Roxas's messenger bag. The troll had brought his stuff back!

Roxas paused in his mental tirade to look back at the comfortable sweats that now clung to his slight frame and the backpack suddenly didn't seem so important. He blushed like a stoplight.

"I promise I didn't look…much." Axel's grin was tigerish as he deliberately allowed his gaze to wander the small body, still warm with sleep. "You didn't really want to be in those muddy clothes anyways, right?"

Roxas tried to snarl at him but all that came out was a hoarse croak. Axel burst out laughing and knelt down to rest his head on the edge of Roxas's mattress, angling in such a way where he could peer up at the blonde. He wanted to smack him, really he did. But Roxas couldn't reach that far without his muscles protesting the repeat offense. Lucky bastard, he'd let him off this time.

The blonde grabbed a pillow and laid back down with careful movements. Axel didn't move from his position as he blinked. Roxas traced the broad line of the other boy's shoulders as they rose and fell in the gloom. He hadn't realized the other was so tense until the redhead relaxed.

Axel sighed into the warm, peachy scent that clung to Roxas's sheets. It took every ounce of self-control not to tug the fabric closer and bury his face in the loose folds. Roll around in them until the scent clung to his skin too. Or better yet, the source of the scent itself. He fisted part of the fabric and looked away so Roxas wouldn't see him shaking with need that showed plainly on his face. The other boy was too tired to notice, it was too dark to see. But still…Axel didn't want him to know.

"Are you feeling any better?"

Both occupants in the room froze for an instant, astounded, before Axel's head shot up to glare at the blonde.

"Excuse me?"

Roxas sat up again. He fiddled with a corner of his pillow and shrugged. "I said, are you feeling any better?"

"I'm not the one who—"

"Not that, you moron", the smaller boy snapped. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes with an intense frown. "I mean, about…earlier. I didn't mean to—"

Green eyes widened comically. "I'm… yeah, I mean. I know you didn't." His shoulders slumped as that same fear stole over Roxas's face again. There wasn't a trace of concern in Roxas's expression, no matter how much Axel crave it. The blonde just wanted him gone. Well, his business was done here anyways. "It's late. I should…uh…probably get going."

"No!"

Axel lifted a brow as Roxas scrambled to haul himself up and drape his legs over the side of the bed. He scooted closer to Axel, cupping his ribs but refusing to let pain show even as sweat beaded his brow. With a shaking hand, he reached forward to cover Axel's that was still tangled in his sheets. The redhead shivered and his fist shook a little more.

Roxas squeezed as he swallowed, afraid that if he let go Axel would drift away out of his reach again. "Wait…I…"

Axel moved closer and nudged Roxas's legs apart. He knelt between them and held Roxas's hand against his chest. "What's wrong?"

It was Roxas who made the first move. It was Roxas who reached out to touch him. His skin tingled at where they were joined. With each rise and fall of Axel's chest the warmth spread as his heart thumped like a living drum against Roxas's palm. "Thank you", he whispered. "For everything. I wanted to say I was… s-sorry. Ax…el…I'm so…so stupid!"

The blonde wiggled off the bed in near hysterics as he came to rest between Axel's legs, clinging to him and sobbing against his neck as his body burned in earnest. He relived the encounter with that horrible man, felt Xigbar touch him every time he closed his eyes. The redhead grit his teeth to maintain the last of his fleeting control. With Roxas pressed up against him like this…

"I'm so sorry, Axel", the smaller boy wailed. "I didn't know… I didn't know! I wanted to say sorry that day but you were already—"

"Shh. Shh-hhsh, Roxas it's fine. Hush now." As gently as he could, he pulled the blonde further into his lap and rocked him back and forth as the Roxas sobbed his heart out. This wasn't the time for his selfish desires, his treacherous body. Axel's heart clenched as he was clung to, like he was missed and…_needed_. His desire was tempered by something that his soul had craved for a long time, and dammit his body could take the backseat for once.

Even if he could feel _every_ curve in the boy's body. The heat from his back soaked into Axel's chest and thawed the coldness there. It would be so easy to take him now; to nudge his legs apart, to guide Roxas's chin up and drag his tongue along the jerking pulse on that sweet bronzed pillar...**no**. No, he wouldn't betray Roxas's trust like that.

"I never realized how alone you were", Roxas murmured after calming a little. He slumped against the taller boy, oblivious to the redhead's inner turmoil as he breathed in rich leather, spicy cinnamon, the faint whiff of cigarettes. It suited Axel, he realized. He'd always hated cigarette smoke because it burned his nostrils and masked someone's real scent. With Axel however, it seemed to blend with his essence; intensifying where before it smothered.

"What are you talking about?" The taller boy's voice vibrated through Roxas's entire body and soothed a different sort of ache. "I've got more friends than you do", Axel teased. His hands moved to brush against the thin fabric covering the blonde's back as he massaged tensed muscles, bracing his hot palms against sore ribs in a way that made Roxas's breath hitch in the sweetest way.

The boy hummed, turning to give him more access and slapping at Axel's shoulder gently. "Not like that."

They both fell quiet, knowing exactly what Roxas had meant. But it was okay. They basked in being together, Roxas realizing he missed it a lot more than he wanted to admit. It wasn't fair because now solitude felt as lonely as everyone always said it was. Before he'd been fine but now…

"I thought I told you to go away", Roxas muttered to try and cover for his sudden girliness. He pushed back to glare up at the taller boy. "You never listen to what I say Axel. What am I going to do with you?" The blonde sighed only to cuddle closer.

Axel smiled; a gentle, genuine, slow pull of the lips. He could see straight through the boy in his lap but then, it wasn't that difficult. Roxas was a horrible liar. Axel's arms stiffened as he got to his feet and set the blonde back on his bed. Roxas protested at first but Axel shushed him again. He bent and laid the bag within reach on the floor before stretching.

"More importantly", he ventured as his eyes wandered around the Spartan room, "How are _you _feeling?"

Roxas grunted. Axel bit his knuckle to stifle a chuckle.

"I'll pop by school tomorrow and let them know you won't be coming."

"Don't bother", the blonde growled. "I've been through worse."

Axel glanced at him, a brow lifted in surprise. Roxas scowled back. "Okay, so I haven't but whatever. I can't miss school over something like this."

Axel facepalmed and gave him a onceover that made Roxas feel hot despite his situation. "I wouldn't exactly downplay your…condition to something as simple as _that._"

Roxas's bones twinged to reinforce his statement. The shorter boy moaned and flopped back, albeit slowly. Axel leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms.

"Do you need anything? Water or—" Roxas was mumbling something into his pillow. Axel paused.

"—go…have to…"

"What?"

Roxas pulled the pillow under his chin so Axel could hear him. "If I go you have to come too."

Axel blinked. He gave the blonde a funny look for a few moments, then bent over and laughed until he was clutching his sides.

There went Roxas's pride, flushed right down the proverbial urinal. He growled when Axel didn't desist.

The taller boy straightened and swabbed at his eyes apologetically after a few moments. "I don't come when I'm called. I come when I want to." He wiggled his eyebrows as Roxas lobbed the pillow at his head. It was a weak attempt and though it came nowhere near hitting its target, Axel made a show of ducking to make him feel better.

"And just where have you been these past few days, hmmm", the blonde groused. "Your dad said…" Roxas paused and bit his lip, tears starting to prickle his eyes.

_I said I don't care dammit. That boy don't mean **shit** to me._

"I…don't like your dad", the blonde gasped on the verge of another fit.

Axel came forward and went down on his knees again. He cupped Roxas's face between his hands and rubbed at the tears with his thumbs. "Hey. Hey now, look at me Roxas."

When he complied Axel shot him a wry grin. "It's okay. I can't say I blame you." Roxas hiccupped and fisted the leather on Axel's shoulders.

"I thought I'd never see you again."

The redhead pressed his lips into a thin line. "That bastard's always been overdramatic. Don't listen to anything he says. Besides, I'm not that easy to get rid of."

Roxas laughed through the remnants of his tears as he sniffled. Something occurred to Axel at that moment though and try as he might, he couldn't stop the hope that bubbled up to choke him. "You …wanted to see me?"

Out of habit, Roxas almost said no but then he shook his head. "I did. So bad. Where did you stay? Your dad said that you don't come home for days sometimes."

Axel tsked. "The only way he can tell how much time has passed is by how many bottles of alcohol he empties." Though the comment was venomous, it wasn't a denial. Roxas draped his fingers over Axel's hands that were still cupping his face. He stroked them with tentative, soft motions that were completely at odds with his earlier contempt.

Who had cared for Axel this whole time then, if his father wasn't doing the job? Surely not his friends? They were close but even those he'd seen, especially Riku who seemed the closest, kept a cautious emotional distance.

A painful zing against his heart almost made Roxas flinch.

_If you lose something, would you appreciate it that much more if given the chance again to keep it?_

"You didn't answer my question Axel."

The redhead hedged. "I've been taking care of some business is all", he said, looking everywhere but at Roxas. Axel pulled out of the smaller boy's embrace to click on the gooseneck lamp on the far side of the room.

Roxas cringed at the sudden invasion until Axel adjusted it to the lowest level that was comfortable for them both.

"There", Axel chirped. "Isn't that better than talking in the dark?"

No. It really wasn't because in the dark words felt…truer. It was harder to run from just the sound. In the light, both Roxas and Axel escaped to the glorious, the disconcerting wonders of sight. Roxas sagged against his pillows in defeat. If Axel wouldn't answer this question, that was his business. Roxas was just glad that Axel was back at his side. The blonde sighed at what a hopeless pair they made. "Axel", he murmured.

"Hm?"

"If I'm at school tomorrow, will you be there?"

It was silent for so long that Roxas thought the other refused to answer this one as well. Roxas curled around a particularly soft cushion, staring at the creamy yellow that the light bathed the room in. It should have been soothing. It wasn't.

"I'll be there", the redhead sighed at length. "I can't leave you alone, even if I wanted to."

Relief and anxiety warred inside him, but relief won out as it stole all his remaining energy. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and the last thing Roxas saw was Axel rushing towards him.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas blinked at the strip of black obscuring the base of his vision. His pajamas were grey. His bedspread was too, so what…?

He sat up and sighed at the stab in his gut. The blonde could feel himself already starting to heal but the morning after hurt worse than the beating itself. He fidgeted and a black leather jacket that was tucked over his blankets fell away to pool around his waist. Roxas gripped it loosely and glanced around.

He didn't own a…black…leather…

Roxas gaped. At the far end of the bed Axel was sitting on the floor and leaning his back against the edge of the mattress with his knees propped up and his arms crossed. The blonde wanted to stifle a giggle but it hurt too much so he just let it trickle out into the cold morning air. Even in his sleep the taller boy frowned.

It was only when he moved a little did he see that Axel was shivering. Frowning, Roxas let a hiss out through his teeth and extricated himself from bed before draping a blanket over his would-be savior.

Axel's head lolled back at the sudden heat that enveloped him. "Mmm…hmmnnm."

It was comfortable but it wasn't something Axel was used to. Cold, he knew. Stiffness, he knew. This was…warm, cushioned. He moaned again as his breath hitched with sleeper's surprise. The redhead shifted but remained asleep, his lips parting as the full pout of his mouth relaxed.

Roxas glowered at the curl of excitement from those small noises that washed over him like hot velvet. From those open lips and that tranquil expression. He jumped a little when Axel's thighs parted as well, easing against the carpet as his legs straightened in a luxurious stretch.

Who knew this brute could actually be…cute? No. Content was more like it. He looked like a child in his slumber, and for some reason Roxas knew he didn't get like this often.

The blonde stole a glance at the clock, satisfied. They had plenty of time before school. Roxas turned with a hot shower in mind when he paused. The boy looked back and crawled down, drawing level with Axel. Curiosity drove his next actions.

There was just enough room in the redhead's lap for Roxas to fit himself in the firm curve. He resisted that urge however as he hovered closer to the sleeper, tucked safely in his dream.

Roxas licked his lips and eyed Axel's open mouth, wondering at how something so normal could be this mesmerizing. One hand came up to trace the soft looking orifice when a dark scowl flashed across Axel's face and he groaned, tossing his head away from Roxas's touch.

The blonde came back to himself and shot to his feet as fast as his body would allow, bustling out of the room to go scrub his body until it was raw and wash his mouth out with the bitterest soap in the house.

What the hell was he doing?

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_What the hell was he doing?_

_Axel flinched, trying to squirm away from that fevered mouth that ignited an unquenchable inferno in his soul._

_"Ssss…mhmm."_

_A husky laugh was his only answer as downy spikes tickled against his naked thighs. **"Hold still."**_

_The redhead's jaw locked at the command as his body tensed to do the bidding of the one about to cater to him._

_A small nip at the V between his thigh and abdomen made Axel convulse and swallow a tortured curse. Moist breath stroked him like a physical caress as it panted a trail up to his navel. Without meaning to his back arched and his core rolled against something, anything while a slick tongue invaded his umbillicus with strong twists._

_Axel quivered when blunt nails dug into his hips and drew blood, scratching circles around the jutting mounds of bone as his navel received ample attention. Pain swirled with his pleasure and spiked him into a whole new level of intensity that made his toes curl._

_Another nip, lower this time. His cock throbbed painfully and it took every ounce of his power not to reach his hands down and ease some of the delicious ache._

_ Down, down the wet muscle dragged, laving a slick burning path towards his blushing length._

_A smoky voice stoked the kindling fire that sang through Axel's veins. **"I haven't even touched you yet, and you're still like this."**_

_Softness that the redhead realized was a fevered cheek nuzzled against his rigid sex, shooting embers up his spine that fizzled back down to settle at the pulsing tip._

_"Hu…hurry", Axel ground out. "Gh…hhh…please hurry."_

_Emerald eyes opened to stare down at his tormentor and hopefully give the person a modicum of encouragement before he was forced to take drastic measures. What he saw lying between his parted legs hurtled all thoughts into a hot, white static. Axel swallowed. Hard._

_Roxas stared up at him, pink dusted becomingly against the backdrop of his tan while he curled catlike against creamy thighs and circled Axel's length with tickling caresses. His eyes were like two shards of heated ice as they trailed over the havoc he was wreaking._

_The redhead jerked violently, tossing his head back away from the beautiful sight as he fought through his haze of arousal. His Adam's apple quivered with a silent scream as his abdomen contracted in a savage, lewd display. When his voice finally returned it was only temporary and it quavered under the weight of the blonde's oral attentions. "G…nh! Sweet Jesus…Rox**ssss**—"_

_He felt Roxas shiver this time as it rippled through his own body and the blonde scooted closer to swipe his tongue against crystalline beads that were dribbling down veined perfection. Lips closed over the muscle, accompanying divinity with small suckles to the underside of Axel's sex. Down, down the softness dragged until Roxas was mewling against the redhead's root, swirling his tongue around the thick molten trunk and revelling in the musky scent of the damp thatch against his cheek._

_Axel grabbed the smaller boy's shoulders and hauled him up until Roxas was straddling his lap. Roxas shot him a taunting grin before Axel growled and devoured those devious lips. Their mouths crushed together hard, moans swallowed as respective caverns were explored by flicking tongues and nibbling teeth._

_The blonde whimpered into their kiss as Axel's hips bucked up, grinding needy erections together. Axel smiled, floating in the sweet ether of shared sin as his hands danced down to rub against sweaty, bronze thighs before cupping the hardened flesh trapped between their bodies. He tugged up sharply, extracting a ragged gasp out of Roxas as the blonde broke the kiss to bury his lips against Axel's throat._

_**"Hnn...mmm"**, he whined, rolling pale flesh between his teeth in a bruising embrace. Axel hummed as he gave another languid stroke to their tangled arousals. _

_Roxas was suddenly and forcibly ripped away. Axel snapped to attention as he shot to his feet, somehow managing to dissipate his intense hunger as the blonde cried out in fear and pain._

_"Let him go dad."_

**"I don't think so, you little faggot."**

_"He has nothing to do with us!"_

**"If he can make you happy he has everything to do with us. Isn't that right blondie?"**

_Roxas's eyes were brimming over with terror now as one hand clutched at the man's hold while the other reached for Axel._

**"Uh-uh, I don't think so", **_the father cooed. _**"You're going to help me do something now, okay?" **_The sinister butcher knife glinted as it pressed against Roxas's throat. Tears welled in his eyes as the blonde fought against a shiver that would've drawn blood._

_"Dad", Axel pleaded, his voice tight. "Stop. Please, you can take me instead. Just don't hurt hi—"_

**"Fuck you", **_the man hissed bitterly. _**"Fuck you. I'm gonna hurt you in the exact way you hurt me. Ready?" **_He sneered down at the blonde._

_"No, dad. Plea—"_

_The blade ripped savagely, drawing a thin red line at first that then splattered crimson against Axel's face. He clenched his eyes shut as his mouth flooded with foreign scalding copper. Roxas's—_

Axel ripped the blankets off as he came awake with a start. He snarled at the unfamiliar surroundings as he cast around and crouched to protect himself. There was his jacket crumpled up on the bed. Simple furnishings. Axel sagged and picked up the blanket still clutched in his hand. He drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes with a feral scowl. Peach.

Roxas.

A dream.

Axel's eyes snapped open. He must have drifted off at some point during his vigil. The redhead breathed in again and forced himself to calm down. After a while he realized that water was groaning through the pipes. Roxas was in the shower. He was alive. Alive.

A heavy sigh escaped before he draped the blanket as neatly as possible over the bed. His hands shook as he tugged a corner here and smoothed a crease there. Stepping back, he eyed it and crossed his arms.

"That'll do."

Axel jumped as Roxas padded in behind him, toweling his hair. The blonde scowled at the bed and then back up at Axel, scratching his scalp with the terrycloth and wincing.

"What", Axel growled. "I'm no home maker. It was the best I could do."

"Better than what I usually do."

Axel snorted and plucked the towel from him, hiding his fear and relief with the nurturing gesture. The redhead was pleased to find his shaking had finally ceased. "Let me do it. You're going to hurt yourself."

The blonde didn't argue as Axel took over with gentle undulations. Roxas's eyes pulled to half-mast and he hummed with contentment, clutching the towel around his waist.

"The shower's open if you need it.

"I don't."

Roxas raised an eyebrow as he peeked through the fold of the rippling towel. Axel wasn't necessarily dirty, but he was cold and more pale than usual. A shower would do him good.

"I don't", the redhead repeated. "I'll just pop by home really quick after I walk you to school." Axel scratched his chin, saying it like it was the most normal thing to do.

But Roxas froze. He swiveled very carefully to look at the taller boy. "Axel…", he said slowly.

"Roxas…", Axel mocked.

"You'll be late if you—"

Axel strode over to his closet and flung it open. He shuffled through the neat row of uniforms before tossing one to Roxas who caught it against his chest. Then he turned with another one and held the hanger level with his chin.

Roxas blushed. "Point taken."

Axel smirked as he raised a leg to fiddle with the pants cuff that fell to the middle of his shin. "I thought you'd see it my way."

"Won't you need help though?"

The redhead snorted derisively. "Nah, the old man is so zonked out by now he won't know if it's me or—" The words caught in his throat. With considerable effort he swallowed and hitched his lips into a smirk. "Anyways, I'll be fine. In and out. Bada-bing, bada-boom."

"Don't ever say that again."

Axel snickered as Roxas herded him out of the room so he could get dressed.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas was supremely proud of himself for only breaking out into a full body sweat. And running out of breath. And…

Ugh, he felt like shit. But the important part was that Axel had dropped him safely off at school and disappeared. The blonde didn't know why Axel was so vehement on making it a solo mission given the nature of his father, but in the end had deemed it best not to argue the issue. He was now currently situated in his first period, nervously awaiting Axel's promised return.

He felt his pencil droop in his hand as he stared ahead, making a pointed effort to ignore the gaze drilling holes into the side of his skull from a certain Riku. A ripple stirred through the room as the door slid back. Axel strode in and raised an arm at the professor before hustling to his seat. She glared but didn't think much of it as her pen squeaked out an exercise on the whiteboard.

"Pair off", she barked.

The classroom exploded with the rustle and scrape of friends making a mad dash towards one another. A few loners played paper-rock-scissors and split off into their respective duos.

Riku visibly deflated with relief as Axel turned his desk around. "So let's—"

"Sorry man. I'm going with him today, okay?"

Riku's jaw dropped as the redhead scooted closer to Roxas who appeared both mildly surprised and supremely relieved. They bent their heads together and began murmuring in low tones that made the silver-haired wunderkind lift a brow. The blonde touched Axel's elbow with his brow crinkled in concern while the other boy twirled one of his spikes between two fingers and wrung a few water droplets from it.

Riku frowned. It wasn't raining outside.

Roxas laughed softly and nodded his approval as Axel's chest puffed proudly.

Riku's frown deepened. He flinched when someone tapped him on the shoulder. One of the loners grunted at him and motioned towards the board without saying anything. Sighing, Riku looked back at his friend and the blonde before shuffling off with the person whose name he only vaguely remembered.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

As the week passed, Roxas healed with a swiftness that startled and pleased Axel all at once. Xigbar—pussy that he was—opted on not showing up for that whole period and by the end of a couple more days, all Roxas felt was minor stiffness here and there. Most of his bruises had vanished but a few stubborn ones clung to his skin, reminding Axel of what could happen if he wasn't too careful. So he stuck close.

The redhead tapped a bundle of papers on Roxas's head as he bent to pull his shoes on. Straightening, the blonde wrinkled his nose at him and snatched them away. "I think the choice is unanimous then. You'll be coming to my house."

Axel nodded as he propped the base of his foot against the shoe locker. They'd fallen into a comfortable rhythm, barely noticing that their company was exclusively for the other since Axel's return. Axel's friends were noticing though, but all the same they kept themselves scarce because there was a rare bounce to the redhead's step that they'd only seen once before, with one other person.

If he was finally able to move on…

Roxas tucked the strap of his bag on his shoulder and heaved a sigh. "Slutsky is such a tyrant."

Axel shook his head and smiled, his red spikes bouncing in the way they did whenever he was particularly amused. "He's old. And a teacher. And old. Need anymore be said?"

The blonde snorted. "Not really. That pretty much covers it, I guess."

As they left the schoolyard with their elbows touching and laughter tingling their lips, neither noticed a pair of dark eyes narrowed on them from around the corner. The person belonging to that piercing gaze kept watching until the two boys were out of sight before tucking a strand of hair behind a pale ear and turning to walk in the opposite direction.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Papers were scattered in organized chaos, sighs heavy in the air. Both boys slouched over their respective piles with sour expressions as they whittled away at the research report. Roxas glanced up and felt his blood flutter at the sight that Axel made across the table. His head was bent and a frown marred his ivory brow. The palm of his hand covered his mouth and a most intense frown as he regarded the swimming words below. His red spikes fanned around him and Roxas fancied that the other boy looked like a regal lion; fierce and untouchable yet compelling in that even though you knew it could rip off your arm, you still wanted to pet it.

More and more, Roxas wanted to be close now that he realized he couldn't turn his back on Axel. Every day he noticed something new and infinitely more exciting about the redhead whether it was the lazy lean of his hips, a slight drawl that crept into his voice when he got tired, the way he chewed his tongue when he was mulling something over.

Such little things that made Roxas feel silly when each small discovery lit a fire in his blood. It wasn't right. He wasn't gay, but…

Axel was appealing. And the taller boy really did care for him. He was attentive, patient whenever Roxas thought he might explode from stress or whatever else plagued him. He was good looking, catching the attention of most people—both guys and girls—as he walked Roxas to class. The blonde was still hesitant around people and Axel had noticed this as well. He took it upon himself to act as a buffer between the blonde and the rest of the student body; keeping their questions at bay, preventing them from pestering with stern glances or promises to hang out later that he purposefully neglected.

Roxas would never admit, even to himself, just how grateful he was for Axel's presence. He found himself spiraling; at times from his chronic panic attacks, at times because of his mother—she'd been getting steadily worse and Roxas had been avoiding her until the majority of his injuries healed. In their house it was all too easy.

Axel was there to catch him, to pull him from the delirium that teased at the corners of his mind with escape. A benign bodyguard. And those lips…

Those lips would be at the shell of his ear, whispering. An anchor. Expressive, plump, and undeniably a feature that tickled Roxas's imagination with possibilities he would have kicked himself over if given a moment to ponder on them.

But they were there and made Roxas's stomach clench in the most delicious way whenever they were close and low, speaking words only he could hear.

Xigbar was like a distant phantom now. All that existed was Axel. Axel and—

A bolt of electricity sizzled through his body and Roxas spasmed, his pencil flying out of his hand. Axel's head snapped up and he was behind Roxas in an instant, hands searching and lips breathing a steady rush of comfort as pain and pleasure collided in the blonde's body from muscle cramps and the redhead's touch.

"Breathe", he commanded as Roxas gasped. His whole body trembled and tears pricked his eyes as the seizes came and went. When he was aware of himself again, his head was tucked against the hollow of Axel's throat while the taller boy's cheek rested possessively against his downy spikes. Roxas shivered again, this time for a wholly different reason.

"It's okay", Axel mumbled as he rubbed his cheek against the top of Roxas's head. "I've got you."

The blonde pulled back and swallowed. Little bits of fire trickled in his veins as his cheeks heated up. The two boys stared at each other for a long moment. Roxas raised a hesitant hand and traced Axel's mouth with his fingers, his expression dazed as that softness finally dipped under his touch just as he'd imagined it would. The redhead remained perfectly still, not even daring to breathe as he let Roxas gently explore the planes of his mouth and jawline.

The lock on the downstairs door clicked and pulled them out of their trance, each scrambling to put some distance between them and what could have just happened if they hadn't been interrupted. On the tail end of that guilty thought was another.

Roxas did a double take at the clock on his bedside table and scowled. It was only seven. His mom shouldn't have been home for another…

Her usual time was about one o'clock in the morning but come to think of it, Roxas hadn't been the only one doing the avoiding around here. Roxas took a deep breath and got to his feet, heading down the stairs with Axel following silently.

The blonde cast around the empty living room and wandered into the kitchen where a faint rustling was coming from. He stopped short. His mother was bent over the kitchen counter and Roxas's elation instantly bloomed into poisonous concern. He hung back at the threshold, unsure if he should let her know he was there or not.

She was coughing again. And shaking: a horrible quaking that forced her entire body to spasm from the force of it. She sat on the stool and seemed to catch her second wind after a minute. Only then did Roxas choose to approach her.

Maybe it was an inherited thing, but it seemed that neither Roxas nor his mother wanted the other to see when they were in the throws of suffering. They fretted after one another too much. Roxas couldn't let her know how bad he knew it was getting. He loved her and her pride and she would tear herself apart with guilt if she knew just how much her son was aware that her grip was no longer as steady as it used to be, how her breathing was no longer free... how she paled from exertion over the smallest tasks. It wasn't fair really, she was so young but sickness, whatever it was, had forced her appearance into haggardness.

The blonde put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped and turned. Her skin had a sick grey sheen to it that made his stomach turn but he smiled and kissed her on the cheek without letting on.

"Hi mom. How was your day?"

No 'you're home early'. No 'what's wrong?' No 'are you okay?' That would ruin everything.

She nodded and swallowed, dabbing at the sweat that beaded on her head discreetly. Roxas winced as her eyes widened on the last of his bruises. She gently grazed a hand over his temple and was about to question their origin, when Axel stepped into the kitchen. She glanced at him with a degree of surprise and pleasure, putting her son's physical maladies out of mind for the moment.

Roxas had never brought anyone home before and he cringed, knowing his mom had realized this even before he had. He could practically hear the gears turning in his mother's head. The apprehension evaporated though when her expression turned from calculative to relieved. Even if Roxas felt he had been thrown together with the redhead via some cruel twist of fate, the weight lifting from her shoulders made it all worth it and then some.

"Who is this dear?"

Roxas turned and blushed at the grin on Axel's face. Something else struck the blonde at that moment. Though they had made their own silent resolution, nothing had been voiced out loud. The shorter boy gulped before cementing his friendship with the vexing redhead.

"Mom, this is Axel…" She waited patiently as he scuffed his toe on the tile. "A friend." She smiled. "We're working on a school project", he finished lamely when neither of the others offered anything more forthcoming.

Roxas felt Axel behind him as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms with a satisfied grin like a fat, well fed cat basking in the sun.

Roxas's mother poked her head around her son's shoulder and bowed respectfully while he inclined his head, returning the gesture.

"It's nice to mee—"

His greeting was cut short as, before their eyes she fell from her stool. Axel, instead of Roxas, dove and managed to catch her head just before it would have struck the floor. She was lying so still…

"Mom? Mom! Are you alright? Come on. Mom, talk to me!"

_What's wrong?_

_Are you okay?_

The illusion of normalcy splintered as she shuddered and gasped in Axel's arms. "Mom!"

She grimaced and coughed over and over until blood coated her hand. Her chest convulsed and with each gasp, more color drained from Roxas's face. He was trapped inside his own body that wouldn't move, no matter how loud he was screaming inside. Roxas was completely helpless and if Axel hadn't acted….

The redhead shifted as he glanced up at Roxas, who looked to be on the verge of another attack.

"She needs to sit up."

Roxas flinched as his deep voice broke through the paralysis. Where minutes before his body had tingled with the essence of life itself, now it was being robbed of all feeling, all heat. His expression melted into one of blankness.

The blonde crashed to his knees with Axel's eyes on him, the realization that everything was now going to change hitting him hard. No matter how much she wanted it, no matter how much Roxas loved her, her condition couldn't be ignored anymore.

She gasped for breath and clutched at her chest as Axel placed a warm hand on her back and helped her to lean forward. Calmly, he looked at Roxas and—as if he knew the insidious stillness and shock that was descending on the blonde intimately—ordered his body into action.

"Run some water into a pot and put it on the stove. Set it to high heat. Wait until it boils and pour it into a bowl then bring it to her room. If she breaths in some steam, it'll help clear her airway."

The words seemed to be coming from far away, but Roxas strained to catch them anyways. He didn't want to be useless, not when she needed him. Activity was just what he needed to offset this sickening surprise… and he welcomed it greedily.

With each flustered motion, Roxas felt himself returning to the real world and it settled heavily in his bones, caging him here so he couldn't escape again. The pot felt cold, water pulling his arms down as they strained to stay steady while the choppy liquid rose to the rim. He swung, ignoring the splatters that hit the floor and assaulted his ears, setting the pot on the stove and cranking the heat on with a trembling hand.

Meanwhile Axel picked the woman up off the floor—feeling sick at how easy it was to lift her small frame that was still coughing in little fits—and carried her to her room. When the water came to a boil, Roxas poured the scalding liquid into one of the soup bowls he'd set on the counter and carried it upstairs.

He paid no mind when it sloshed over the sides and instantly raised boils on his burned skin. If anything, his grip tightened and he moved faster.

She was propped up on her bed and Roxas set the bowl gently on the pillow resting in her lap. She leaned forward and took great gulps of the steam and, gradually, her breathing steadied. She sunk back, closing her eyes as exhaustion took hold of her.

For Roxas's part, he fell into the chair by her bedside and just stared at her sleeping form for some time. He'd even forgotten Axel was in the room until the redhead came up behind him and set his hand on the back of the chair.

There he stood, setting the precedent for their lives in the many years to come; a savior of more than just Roxas's body. Axel was the anchor for his sanity. A silent, powerful comfort.

Roxas took the initiative to speak this time, even though his lips felt swollen and numb. "Thank you….if you hadn't… I …" The words were clumsy and toneless, sounding strange to the blonde's ears as if someone else was saying them. As if someone else was stepping up to be pathetic in his place. He shook his head and ran his hand over the blisters that had formed on the crescent of his thumb and forefinger. Axel's expression was blank.

Roxas swallowed and took a breath before trying again.

"I froze at the exact moment I shouldn't have. Thank you for what you did. I'm usually not this much of a wreck, really."

Axel snorted.

"… I don't understand…"

"You're damn right you don't."

Roxas's breath hitched at the sudden venom in Axel's words.

"If she were my mother, then…" He trailed off with a growl as he raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry Roxas." The blonde flinched but allowed Axel to take his hand and trace the burned flesh with a cooling caress.

Axel glared down at the blisters and tugged Roxas's hand to make him stand. "Let's get these tended then we'll come back up here to see what we can do, okay?"

Roxas nodded and swallowed the tears that scalded him inside. He couldn't really feel his hand. All that was important was his mom who looked so small as she lay in bed. The blonde glanced back one final time at her just to kick himself in the teeth before allowing Axel to take his hand and lead him downstairs.

* * *

><p><strong><em>TAKE NOTE HERE:<em>**

**_This next scene was almost impossible to write the first time and I can't promise that it'll be up to standard because…well, dammit. It's going to be fucking difficult. You might be wondering why I'm choosing to do what I'm about to do and leave Axel's dad relatively untouched. Well, keep wondering. That'll keep you reading._**

**_For the record that was totally on purpose and yes I'm sticking my tongue out at you (and not in the good way). Anyways, stick with me through this next one, mk?_**

**_Also, a question; do the long chapters put you guys off or are they okay as iz? If you haven't already been able to tell I'm so long winded I piss myself off at times. But meh, if it works it works right?_**

**_SHIT WILL START MOVING AFTER THIS. I have the ending of the fic planned out and ready to rumble. Be warned. THERE WILL BE MANSEX :U Sooo much MANSEX and…maybe some Xemnas to boot…in boots…thigh-high-spiked-stiletto-boots to be exact x3 Bad Hachi. Bad, bad girl! *slaps self* _**

**_Thank you for bearing with me through my ramblings! Loves~~~333_**


	7. Chapter 6: Sleeping Chrysalis

**_Whoopsie :U Repainting the house so…there've been no updates for a bit xDD Still not done but I didn't want anyone to think I was slacking -_****_*totally was* Things have been hectic guys, sorryyyyy~ To make up for it I'll…double post today ^^ (read: double-stuff) LOL xDDD I couldn't resist!_**

**_Anyways, I'm in a fairly good mood at the beginning of this but because of the following content my good mood is going to be effectively ruined. I'm torturing myself for you. Be happy._**

**_I tried to make the claim that I owned Kingdom Hearts but then Square Enix spanked me with a Keyblade ;~; It was mean! Anyways xD I don't. And I don't have any munny. Seriously…I don't. I ate paint today =_= ++ Bah._**

**_Song lyrics stuff at the end. Enjoy!_**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Six: Sleeping Chrysalis<span>_**

The bathroom had always been small, Roxas thought. But now it was stifling. Did Axel stand so close before?

No, maybe it was because they were both standing now. Axel braced himself behind Roxas as the shorter boy swayed in front of the sink. Long fingers rinsed carefully around the raised flesh on Roxas's hands but the blonde couldn't feel it. He was sandwiched between the countertop and Axel's front while Axel's arms threaded behind him. A sandwich.

He giggled at the thought.

_I'm going insane._

"Don't do that", Axel barked.

Roxas winced and looked up to meet hard emerald that bored into him from the mirror. The water rushed over their joined hands, the only sound besides the blood in their ears. Funny, how both kind of sounded the same.

_Shhhh._

It'll be alright.

Water won't wash away what you need to face.

_Shhhhhh._

The shorter boy pressed his lips together as Axel herded him to sit on the toilet. When the redhead turned, a knife was lodged between his teeth. He knelt and placed Roxas's limp hand on his knee. Striking his lighter, Axel disinfected the very tip before bringing it close to the first of the blisters. He paused and looked up at the blonde who blinked back.

"This might hurt, but try not to move."

Roxas blinked again but felt nothing save a soothing numb that had washed over his whole body as Axel swiftly probed the pustules on first one hand then the other. There weren't that many thankfully, but he was thorough. Rising to his feet again Axel snatched a tube of aloe off the counter and popped the cap off with his thumb. His brows knitted together as he squeezed a healthy dollop on the wounds. The clear goop glistened against the grisly sight of burnt flesh and a hiss escaped him when a minty sensation sank through the numb. This wasn't good. He whimpered and sighed out a soft scream when the pain was ushered in to eradicate the last of his shield. The blonde curled his hands to his chest and leaned over, face turning red with the exertion of keeping his voice down. After a few laborious minutes he straightened again with a sniffle.

Axel drew back and stared up at the blonde whose face pulled into a grimace that spoke volumes. A muscle worked in his jaw as he wrapped Roxas's hands in gauze. When he was finished, the boy rested them in his lap and examined the coarse fabric that was soft against his skin. It seemed at odds with its nature, he thought; white things, coarse things were not supposed to feel soft.

"—tal."

The taller boy felt his chest clench at the small voice that sounded as broken as its owner looked. Were they in any other place, it would've been lost. As it was, the wave rippled off tile and echoed a little. Teeth sank into his lower lip as he refrained from touching Roxas. He did rock forward to hear better though. "Hm?"

"Shouldn't we call a hospital", the blonde mumbled, his words a thick slur.

Axel shook his head. "That was the first thing I asked when I took her up to her room. She was pretty vehement."

When the blonde closed his eyes this time it took visible effort to pry them open again. Heavy. He felt heavy and his expression relaxed as the wave ebbed and beckoned on another one, less painful now that he was used to the first. He dragged his eyes up to Axel and they screamed. They begged and they cursed. "It…hurts."

The redhead tried to smirk back but it looked more like a snarl. "I know. I'd say it gets easier, but…"

"Yeah…" Roxas glared at his fingers that were now clenched into boney cages around his palms. The popped blisters throbbed over the underlying sting. "What do you think is wrong with her?"

Axel shrugged but wouldn't look at him. The blonde rose to his feet and made to push past Axel but he stumbled.

The taller boy snaked an arm around his waist as he caught him. When Roxas straightened he didn't pull away, leaning instead on the chest that was offered.

"Looks like the report is going to have to wait", Axel mumbled. He was trying to distract; distract himself, distract Roxas. It worked as the blonde gave a low chuckle. They exited the bathroom and plodded back up the stairs quietly, pausing in the doorway.

Roxas's mother was in the same position they had left her in, only her eyes were open and glassy as they stared at the ceiling. The blonde's body coiled as she shuttered a cough, thinking nobody was around.

She closed her eyes and placed a hand to her chest to steady her breathing, expression taut with pain. Roxas didn't realize he was trembling until Axel squeezed his shoulders and deftly kneaded the muscles in a way that was both warning and comfort. Roxas shook himself and pushed the door open further so they could enter.

The woman glanced over, looking far better than she had before she'd fallen though still frightening in her raggedness. Both boys forced smiles on their lips and she returned the gesture. Suddenly, Axel bowed his head and tried to step out of the room. Without thinking Roxas turned and snatched his sleeve.

"Where're you—"

The look in those garnet eyes was enough to quell the blonde as Axel gently extricated himself. "Be with your mom. I'm gonna try and make some headway on that report."

Roxas nodded, though he really didn't want to be left alone with what he sensed his mom had to say. He swallowed and swiveled around, smile locked in place as he tugged the chair back to rest by her bed.

"Mom…" He faltered and she reached out a hand towards him. He placed his own in her small grip as she squeezed. Her hand was cold.

They sat in the quiet gloom of her room for a long while. Roxas couldn't say how long exactly, because there wasn't even a clock to mark the passing seconds. He frowned. There should have been one on the chest of drawers—it was oak, carven, and old fashioned; surrounded by a charm his mother had always adored. It wasn't there.

"What happened to your clock mom?"

Her expression serene, she squeezed his hand again. "I hid it."

"…why?"

The woman didn't answer. Instead, she seemed to be gathering her thoughts and he peered at her, suddenly wishing the room was brighter so her coming words wouldn't... Finally she began.

"You've been such a good boy, Roxy. Always patient. It hasn't been right of me as a mother…" She cut off, coughing. Roxas's blood sped up, a rush so cold that it burned as it jolted through his veins. Without him noticing, his back straightened and he leaned back a little as if to distance himself. This was wrong.

"My baby boy…" She paused again to bite her lip to stop its trembling. So wrong. His mother was never weak.

Roxas's body hummed with panic. "Mom", he started, teeth chattering hard enought he thought they might break. "Stop talking like this. Tell me what's—"

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you everything a mother should."

"Mom! Stop! Don't talk in past tense. I'm fine. And y-you're fine t-too…" His words garbled into an anxious sob. "S-see?" he shrieked. "Everything is going to be f—" Even he didn't believe it. Roxas almost tugged his hand away to cover his ears, to stop her from saying what she was about to. He hiccupped as air filled his lungs to capacity. He needed to take bigger breathes. Deeper breathes, but they snagged. He couldn't breathe. Something was pressing in on his chest.

Her smile was patient, loving, like her words weren't tearing apart her most beloved. "Roxas, you aren't dumb. You know something's been wrong for a long time don't you?"

"No", Roxas moaned, shaking his head. "No, no. No!"

Yes. He knew.

Please God, why did he have to know?

No, no, no.

"Honey you need to listen. Roxas?" She tugged his hand until he was looking at her. The boy gritted his teeth and crawled into bed beside her. She moved to accommodate him, swallowing another coughing fit. When he was tucked properly against her, she wrapped her arms around him and rocked from side to side.

"I'm dying Roxas."

He froze and hugged her tighter. "You're lying."

"You know I wouldn't lie to you."

"You're lying", he shrieked into the hollow of his dear mother's throat.

She let him rail against her, squeezing tight. She cherished this contact, like she'd never cherished anything else before. Her baby boy, who'd come from her. She only had him in all the world and after a hard day, he'd be there to greet her. To hug her and tell her he loved her. She remembered changing his diapers. Feeding him. Tending his scraped knees. Laughing and rolling with him in the grassy park.

Protecting him. Saving him. Loving him. Her arms tightened as she pulled him closer, remembering the hardest, most painful, most beautiful truths of motherhood. The human heart was not designed to survive when away from it's body and yet, each child represented just that—a parent's heart naked and raw and bittersweet, beating forever outside its chest.

Roxas was her heart.

And now she'd have to…

Motherhood was a choice she hadn't made just once when she'd decided she wanted a baby. No, it was one she made every day; to put Roxas's happiness and well-being ahead of her own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when she wasn't sure what the right thing was...and to forgive herself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.

Like she wanted Roxas to forgive her now. She'd have to harden herself. Yes, because a mother was not a person to lean on but…a…person to make leaning…unnecessary.

"Mom, this isn't funny."

"I know baby."

"Didn't you go to the hospital? You _can't _be dying…", he pleaded.

A tear fled down her cheek but she kept her voice steady as Roxas shuddered against to her, fisting the fabric of her work shirt. "You wondered why I'm home so early from work today. I didn't go. I haven't for a couple of months now. I've been visiting the hospital and having tests done to see what's wrong with me." She paused to draw in a few taxing breaths. "That's why I told Axel not to call tonight. I'm kind of sick of it." She chuckled at her own bad joke.

"See", he perked up to look at her with a fierce expression. "You'll be—"

It was her eyes, more than anything. That resigned disappointment. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

"Why", his voice broke but he pushed on though his throat felt so hoarse he was surprised it wasn't bleeding. "Why didn't you tell me before this?" Why didn't you tell me what was wrong?"

Surprisingly, her voice didn't crack and she didn't shed another tear as she outlined exactly what was wrong with her, like she was examining the condition in another person. The only indication Roxas had that this was more than just a normal conversation was that she kept holding him tightly like she wasn't going to be able to again.

Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Terminal… tissue… lungs… scarred. It didn't matter. The title didn't matter. The symptoms weren't important. Death by any other name meant that someone was still getting left behind.

"Roxas?"

He flinched and glanced at her, feeling the sweat on his body and his muscles tense. Feeling lightheaded as a raw throb in his chest twisted harsher than any blade could. Yeah, a torture table. He was strapped to a torture table and there was no escape. They were just words. Just words. Just…

Why couldn't he focus at least once in his life, when it was most important?

…lung tissue becomes thicker…. Lose….ability…move oxygen…bloodstream. Roxas shook his head and strained his ears. He _would_ listen. She deserved that much at least.

"As a result, your brain and other organs don't get the oxygen they need."

Roxas's face twisted. It was his fault. His fault for being so indulgent, for knowing something was wrong. Knowing she was sick and pretending he didn't. His fault. If he'd brought it up maybe she could've….

She said softly, "It wouldn't have helped to say something about it, even if we had caught it early on. For what I have, there isn't a cure yet."

Yet. So there could be a cure? But not for her. When they found it it'd already be too late. She'd be…too late. Didn't she deserve the cure? His mom hadn't done anything wrong, to anyone. Why did she have to d—

No. He couldn't say it. Not yet.

Anger reared up like a tidal wave, battering down as it bathed him in acid. It threatened to cripple every rational part of him. Roxas was not a violent person but at that moment he wanted to earnestly, painfully, messily…slowly kill the doctor who'd been dumb enough to make the diagnosis.

He sat up slowly, flicking his eyes at his mother and entertained tearing into her a moment. For holding her pride and her concern for _him_ above her own _life_. He wanted to hurt himself for not being able to do anything to help her. Not a fucking thing.

Like in every other way in his life…he was helpless.

And dammit, he wanted the right to turn away and cover his eyes, plug his ears. He wanted to sing la-la-la, tell her the cameramen could come out now and yell 'surprise'.

She wasn't going to die. This bad joke had gone far enough.

He glared at the darkest corners in her room, desperately wishing for those cameramen even though he knew there weren't any there. There couldn't be.

She wasn't joking.

It was the easiest thing in the world to face the impending death of a loved one…because no one ever joked or lied about something like that. Face, not accept. Face, not want. Face, not… Death was there and the only one laughing in the end was the reaper in all its painful, ugly glory.

His mother was dying. Roxas shook his head and scrunched his eyes closed as she pulled him back down to lay in her arms. His lip trembled as sobs scraped against his esophagus. "D-don't leave me. Please don't...don't go. I need you." He clawed at her shirt and burrowed his face into her neck, muffling his pleas.

Her only answer was to brush a kiss against his feverish temple.

How long?

When?

He didn't ask, though the morbid curiosity gnawed at him. Instead, he placed up mental arms to ward off the heinous blows. Nothing helped.

It was love and pity in her gaze. Pity. Was it for herself or her son, she wondered. Coughs kicked at the back of her throat again, throbbing. Demanding release as they stole her life with every rattle. This wasn't the way she wanted Roxas to see her, not like this in her final moments.

She wanted him to remember her as the mother she'd tried to be for him.

"Roxas."

He tensed then sat up, rubbing one eye as he looked down at her.

"Let mommy rest now okay? It's been a long day."

He hesitated. Her chest clenched for her baby boy…

**Keep him here.**

"Go honey."

**I love you.**

"Call me if—"

"—I need anything. I will. Go on now, and help your friend with that report." Her tone was stern enough to make him chuckle.

"I love you mom."

"I love you too baby. See you in the morning."

**I'm so sorry.**

He gave her a weak smile and got up. As if on silent cue, Axel came back in with more hot water and another bowl full of broth. She thanked him softly and the two boys walked out, keeping the door cracked in case she should happen to call.

Roxas managed to make it to his room in a stupor. He sunk down on the floor and examined his carpet. Everything else had developed the same fuzzy edge. White.

A plague, a disease.

White fury and pale death.

White was not soft. White was hospital walls. White was gauze hiding ugly burns. White was nothing. It was empty and mean and cold...

Axel was close behind him. Roxas could feel the slight dip in the carpet where he was standing. He wanted him there. He wanted him to go away. He wanted…

Tears scalded his cheeks as they fell, staining the pristineness with drops of grey. Axel bent and crooked his legs so that he was surrounding the blonde. Roxas leaned back into him. There was no intimacy now. There was just Axel; the silent, warm **object** of comfort.

Axel drew his arms around the boy's quaking shoulders. He stiffened when Axel's grip tightened. Roxas shook his head. Again and again, he shook his head. He raised his arms and grabbed at chunks of his hair but Axel dislodged them so that their fingers threaded together. With Axel guiding his movements, Roxas hugged himself as his agony translated into words. "I don't want…to cry…", he gulped. "I want it to s-stop. Why her? Why… she's…she's really…oh God."

His teeth chattered as shivers engulfed his whole body. A guttural scream ripped from his throat even as he strained to stiffle it against the quickly moistening fabric of Axel's shirt. He was hot. He was cold. The blonde tilted his chin up to where he could bury his face into the hollow of Axel's throat.

Alive. It was pulsing with the primal beat of life. His tears stung as they marooned themselves on creamy flesh. Roxas choked as he realized how cold his mother had been. How…she might never be warm again.

"Why", he shrieked again. "Why does it have to be her?" Blunt nails dug into his skin and Axel used that pain to anchor himself here, remembering all too well what this had done to him. But he'd been young, too young perhaps. Too alone.

There was a catch in his voice when he said, "Roxas, mother is the name of God on the lips and hearts of all children. When a god crumbles, so too do parts of the ones that love it. It's…okay to cry. Let it all out."

And so he did. If he hadn't been so conscious of the door down the hall, he might have shaken the very heavens with his grief. Axel rocked with the boy and held him fiercely, never letting go. They stayed that way for a while until he was too exhausted to cry. Blue eyes were half open; swollen and rimmed with red, glazed with pain, with anger and loss.

Axel carried him to bed and tucked the blonde in. He gazed down at the figure, half a step away from losing consciousness himself. This was too familiar. Too raw.

He saw in Roxas now, a grief he hadn't known how to express. And it hurt to watch. It hurt to feel. Why was he here, taking care of this fragile creature? What was there for him to gain?

He'd never been particularly cold hearted unless he was involved in a fight for his life. But he'd never been overtly nurturing either. There was something about Roxas; that sharp, guarded expression that melted into genuine grins every now and again. His shoulders, so slight yet weighed down with the entire world. A jaded anxiety. A want he was too prideful, too selfish to let himself have.

He begged for protection, even though he didn't realize it himself.

And Axel wanted to touch him. To keep protecting him, to take him and lock him away. But that would ruin everything

Axel pondered on this as he padded to sit on the corner of the mattress so he could lean against the wall. Or at least, that was the intention. He managed to plant his posterior on the end but when he scooted back, something cut across his ass cheek. Hard.

He cried out and Roxas jerked up, tearing his covers off just in time to see Axel vault off the mattress. An erroneous looking plushy was latched firmly to his backside and the redhead flew around the bedroom, snarling, squawking and carrying on in a display that Roxas was quite unsure how to even approach.

Still in a daze, Roxas watched him finally stop dancing around and yank the offending pain off his tushy. He brought it up for closer examination and dropped it a second later as if it had tried to bite him again.

"_Fuck._ What the _fuck_ is…_ that_?"

Cranky from his teary migraine, Roxas got to his feet and padded over, affronted. He bent down and snatched the ragged looking doll off the ground, making Axel swallow. When he straightened again, he didn't notice how Axel's pupils had dilated, how the pulse in his neck jerked and how his palms were sweaty. No, he just cradled the doll as he brought it up for closer inspection.

It had straw poking out in places and its eyes consisted of two sewn letter x's. Its mouth also looked like it had been sewn shut in a crisscross manner with leather cord. Made of burlap, it was, in short, the ugliest thing Axel had ever beheld.

"This is Captain Gaga."

The redhead eyed the malevolent thing lying innocently in Roxas's hands. "Captain Caca is more like it", he snapped, rubbing at the wound in his derriere. "That thing is a fucking hazard. And no offense kid, but you need to work on your doll making skills."

Roxas cuffed the older boy playfully, staring at the rag-a-muffin with a fond twinkle dancing in his eyes. "I didn't make it, you doof. My mom did on my fourth birthday."

Both boys froze simultaneously. Air clogged in his lungs like smoke but Roxas grit his teeth and rode out the rising alarm. He was jerked into the past…to the day she presented it to him. Her hair was rumpled as it glistened like spun gold in the sunset, cheeks flushed with giddiness as her son gave Captain Gaga a similiar reception.

It was a special day, more than just his birthday. They'd been liberated from his father. His mom had laughed. They'd shared ice cream in the sun dappled park. And she had whisked her baby up into a hug, kissing him with abandon as they both basked in love and happiness and freedom, sprawled out on plush grass that cushioned them like the finest pillows. They'd both been on top of the world that day, with Captain Gaga lounging between them as witness. She'd been so strong…everything had been perfect. New, with endless possibilities.

But then the bills had come, stacked to startling mountains on their kitchen table. The collectors rapped at their doors like invaders trying to batter down the gates of a castle. The phone calls, the ringing, ringing, ringing. Oh god, the endless sound of that screaming phone demanding money they didn't have. His mom, forced to adopt a different strength for their survival.

Roxas wasn't even aware of crumpling to the floor now as he curled into fresh shudders, broken sobs; feeling the loss before it even started. The sick despair. The debilitating fear. None of it was fair!

Flashes of her through the years pummeled Roxas's mind, so familiar and solid. That was all they'd have left. Would he forget? He couldn't! …but of course, time steals all things. Soon she wouldn't have a face. She'd become a passing memory, a cheap imitation, relegated to shallow recollections exclusive to his heart. No more hugs, no more words of comfort or guidance.

He was alone.

The delirium crushed his chest in like an empty can until he too thought he was going to die. And again, Axel nurtured and tended and catered. He hushed the hysterical teen and knelt silently, taking him under the arms and making him walk to the bed this time. The motion would do him good though his limbs dragged like he was already dead.

Nonsensical babble tumbled from Roxas's lips, his head lolling back against Axel's chest as the boy's limbs were urged forward.

The blonde tried to get up again when Axel pushed him down on the bed but the taller boy splayed a hand to his chest and kept him in place. He didn't bother asking for permission as he climbed on as well, locking his arms in a steely embrace as he let Roxas rail. The redhead spooned flush against the small body, tucking one leg between quivering thighs and taking a deep breath into the peachy scent of Roxas's downy spikes.

"Shh, she'll be okay. Be strong. Shh-hsh…it'll all be okay."

It wouldn't, of course. But he couldn't just sit there and say nothing. He knew how it felt, though people said he'd been too young. That was the way of it, to recall nothing of a person but their impression. She may have been a kind woman but she'd left him behind. Left him to deal with a father who hadn't wanted him in the first place. Pain hurt all the same and not a day went by that he didn't feel it, bleeding and raw and exposed as it festered in his soul. But he'd learned to cope, to hide.

Roxas didn't know how. And now he was doing something for the lost boy in his arms that he'd laid awake in bed for years at night wishing someone would do for him.

Roxas nuzzled closer, seeking that solidity while he clung to the scruffy thing his mother had made as if by doing so, some of his strength would flow into her frail body. Axel was whispering something, but the words weren't really meant to be heard. They were meant to clash with the inevitable, to fill the empty space that was full of death and dark things.

Roxas drifted. His hands throbbed because of his grip on the plushy, and his head was heavy with unshed tears, with the countless things he wanted to tell his mother before it was too late.

Funny how when you think you have all the time in the world, you waste it by saying and doing meaningless things. With a finite amount time, words don't come as easily and they always feel cheap.

Axel shifted, breathing against the sensitive flesh lurking behind the blonde's ear. Roxas shivered and pressed against him, embracing the goose bumps and the slight pressure of Axel's arms that loosened but still encircled him completely. Long fingers played against his chest, tracing patterns to ease his breathing. The leg between his thighs came up then moved back down just a little.

This was…comfortable. The reality outside his door and just down the hall was agonizing to even contemplate but in here he was safe. He would use this escape.

Roxas resolved that he'd only nap for a few minutes. He was so tired and it had been such a long day. Just five minutes…

* * *

><p><strong><em>Not done yet. Read on.<em>**


	8. Chapter 7: Shedding the Chrysalis

**_Fucking blah. I told you! Shitty mood. RAAAAWR :U_**

**_I hope you like it because I'm so stressed right now. If you aren't feeling the looming dread then I haven't done my job right Q_Q bad Hachi. Bad, bad girl._**

**_ And another thing! _ Can't find my goddamn tissues._**

**_If I used any song lyrics the kudos'll be at the end. Er… Square EnixXx, you know I….*Lawyer coughs*….DON'T own KH. There. Better? *lawyer nods*_**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Seven : Shedding the Chrysalis<span>_**

Roxas fidgeted against the thing constricting his movements. She was walking away. He called for her but she kept her back turned.

"_Mom!"_

She was drifting further and he was trapped.

"_Mom, don't go! Mom!"_

Finally she turned, smiling sadly in a white dress.

Static. Hissing. Roxas flailed his arms to clear it. A patch shifted and he could only see a part of her now.

He stared at her, so far away. The static was thickening again.

_Shhhhh._

He was so heavy. Now she was rising, her back straight. He looked up at her as his chest swelled painfully. He couldn't understand why, she was healthy and radiant yet he was so sad. So sad and heavy…

Roxas lurched forward, screaming but there was no sound. He groped for her hand but could only grab useless fistfuls of empty air. She smiled and shook her head. Up, up, up. The static enveloped her just as a burst of light sealed the barrier between them. Roxas shaded his eyes and felt a part of himself float away with her.

"_Be strong my love." _The last words that escaped through the barrier he couldn't cross were whispered, a mere echo.

Roxas jolted awake, _knowing_ three things simultaneously: he was never going to see his mother again, Axel was awake and staring at him, and he was still cradled snuggly against the other boy's body. He was drenched in sweat and his eyes were sore and damp with stale tears.

The blonde tore himself out of bed, Axel close behind as he ran to his mother's room. Not one for subtlety, Roxas threw open the door with a bang and both boys froze.

The woman looked a little rumpled from sleep and sickness lingered as an ominous wraith in the shadows of her face. She blinked and glanced over at them, her lips twisting in amusement.

"What are you getting so excited about this early in the…oh my."

Roxas wasted no time as he catapulted himself across the room to the side of her bed. His knees buckled and he buried his face into her stomach, letting relief wash over him like a dunk in a desert oasis. She smiled and patted his head, shooting a sly look at Axel who was standing in the doorway awkwardly.

The woman tutted and pushed her son back so she could swipe at the tears and snot now coated on his face. "Such a messy child."

He hiccupped as she patted his cheek. "Yes, yes. Enough of that now. You look like you've seen a ghost."

He paled and she snorted, sensing that her statement had more truth than poetry. Axel scuffed his foot on the carpet. She looked up at him again as she pulled herself into a seating position. No coughing, but her breathing was labored and when she wheezed it was like something was rattling around in her chest. Her hand shook as she reached for an orange pill bottle resting on the table near the bed.

"Be a dear", she called to Axel, "And get me a glass of water would you?"

He nodded, relief evident as he shot down the stairs to fulfill her request. She glanced down at her son and clutched the bottle tighter to stop her trembling. The woman snuck a peek at Roxas's wristwatch and gasped.

"Roxas _Meguriaukagi_", she hissed. "You hop into that shower this instant and get yourself ready for school."

He winced, never appreciating a scolding more than he did at that moment. He climbed to his feet when a thought occurred to him. "Won't you need—"

"I won't hear of it young man. See these", she shook the pill bottle at him with more panache than an Olympic athlete. "They'll do the job fine. I got them just for this."

Roxas pulled a face. "Ma, I still don't think—"

She glared at her son. "No. You don't think. Off with you." She waved her hands in a shooing motion as Axel came back into the room. He handed her the water with a bemused expression as she popped three of the big white pills and gulped down a swallow.

The woman panted and set down the half empty glass as she shifted to lay back down. "I don't need someone fussing over me when nothing can be done anyways. You can spend that time being productive—"

"But—"

"—_in_ the classroom."

"Mom, please…"

"Young man", she warned. "I don't want to argue with you."

"Neither do I", he whined. "An argument, I could win. You just say no."

"And I'm saying it again. Vamoose!"

The blonde grit his teeth, wanting to throttle her for her stubbornness. Now he knew how she felt when he pushed himself to go to school even when he was sicker than a dog. It wasn't a nice feeling; to grapple with that anxiety, knowing you couldn't do anything to control the other person's will when they were doing something to hurt themselves. She was truly a saint.

He kissed her forehead and set her cell down on the pillow. "If you need anything…"

She smiled and reached up to hug his neck. "Go", she said softly this time as the small woman gave his hair a fond ruffle. Of course, she wouldn't tell him she was going easy on him, that she couldn't put any more fire in her voice if she tried. This was already costing her too much.

Roxas hesitated in the doorway as he looked back and bit his lip.

"Axel", she snapped, making one final push.

He jumped and glanced up at her. "Ma'am?"

"Take care of my light work."

He grinned wolfishly as he gave her a rather sarcastic salute. "Ma'am, yes ma'am." Axel scooped the blonde up and threw him over his shoulder as he flounced out of the room, Roxas howling the whole way.

The woman smiled to herself as she closed her eyes. She saw the way that redhead looked at her boy. But she didn't mind, because she caught that same expression mirrored on her son's face when he thought she wasn't looking.

A dull weight settled in her stomach like lead. Soon Roxas would need that boy more than ever. She looked over at the pill bottle and swallowed. Very soon.

With a heavy sigh that made her lungs squirm and burn, Roxas's mother swung her legs over the side of the bed and wobbled out of the room to go heat up the clothes iron.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas shuddered as he took a deep breath, feeling light and giddy and silly. He was glad he didn't _know_ what he thought he'd known. Axel laughed at his side as they walked in the chilly morning, feeling much the same. He ran his fingers through sleep rumpled spikes and then down in awe over one sharp lapel that still smelt faintly of steam. His uniform was from the day before but he didn't mind so much. It was warm with a mother's touch.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

She was getting worse.

Roxas grit his teeth as he gripped his pencil and tapped it against the workbook. His hands were better now. He hated that. He didn't want to heal this fast, not when she was getting worse. The clock was sluggish and usually he begrudged it for that. But now he willed it to slow so much that it stopped. He could sense that the seconds were ticking closer to…

No.

No, no, no.

The dream had meant nothing, and the pills—whatever they were—were helping. Even if she upped the dose each time. Even if her skin paled more with the passing days. Even if she slept more; she was still breathing.

Her pain would ease for a short while and they'd laugh and enjoy each other's company after he got home. She didn't let him neglect his studies but that was okay. Axel accompanied his most of the time and they'd spread their books on the floor of her room and study for hours, talk, spend time together. They were…more a family during this time than most.

Roxas was ashamed to his core to say that he was happier than he'd been in years. But it was the truth; he was guilty and giddy all at once. The flutters were getting more and more frequent when he was around Axel, his body responded on its own. Electricity stroked his nerves, making goose bumps rise on his arms, the back of his neck, down the small of his back. Hot embers swirled in his gut and slithered ever lower to tickle his…

Roxas shook himself and yelped when his pencil snapped in half. What the hell was he thinking at a time like this? He had no right. A vision of his mother's hand coated in her own blood flashed through his mind and he pushed it away. No right, indeed.

At that moment the lunch bell rang. The blonde sighed, ignoring the funny looks he was getting from his peers. Another reason he was so agitated, Axel wasn't here today.

At least that was the assumption since they hadn't met up in first period. Aside from that first night, Axel had refused to stay over. Even though he visited for long periods—helping with housework, cooking, caring for his mother, or being a shoulder to cry on when Roxas needed it—he still never spent the night. Despite protests from both occupants of the Meguriaukagi household, Axel slipped out to join the shadows of the night after he'd tucked them both into bed.

He was skittish whenever they touched unexpectedly which surprised Roxas more than anything. It seemed the more he wanted Axel to be near, the more he was being pushed away.

Roxas bit his lip and heaved a sigh, wondering what could be going on under that mass of red spikes. He placed his things in his bag and shouldered the strap, dreading the noisy bustle of hungry teens undoubtedly packed into a tight mob in the cafeteria already. It was bad enough with Axel there to ease his people phobia. Without him…

Roxas shuddered. He glanced around warily for any sign of Xigbar and touched the knife in his pocket Axel had urged him to take, just in case. After that last time, the redhead went out of his way in making sure to teach him at least the basics so he wouldn't be helpless if something ever happened again when he wasn't around.

_"It all comes down to balance. You're small so you against them in terms of _**power**_ is out of the question. Use what you have; speed, surprise. If they try to take you again then shred them with a fang they won't see coming. Whatever you do, don't let yourself get caught. Now, let's see you try and avoid my hold."_

The blonde hadn't needed to use it yet, but touching the sliver of cold steel encased in the fold-up plastic made him feel infinitely safer than before. Especially since he was getting better and better at using it.

As he took his hand out to grip the shoulder strap, someone grabbed him by the scruff of his uniform and dragged him back.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Axel snarled as he slammed the door and locked it, chucking the blonde effortlessly the rest of the way into the room against a pile of desks. The boy rolled and was on his feet in less than a second like Axel had taught him. Roxas whipped around and Axel felt a glimmer of pride as he saw the knife clutched in his small hands.

The shorter boy dropped it and his face paled. Eyes wide he skirted Axel's form, from his split lip to the scrapes and gashes on his arms. His sleeves were rolled up—showing off the gauze from where Roxas had sliced his forearm during one practice session—but his uniform was filthy, like he'd slept outside in it or something. Then again, from the fatigue that pulled at Axel's features, it looked like sleep had been the farthest thing from his activity list.

Chills rose on Roxas's skin, but these weren't the pleasant ones that had plagued him for the past few days. No, these were the old ones.

Axel stalked toward him, no trace of the gentle guardian there. His pupils dilated as he panted from the extensive damage and further strain he was putting on himself. His body tensed, he wanted to attack. The blonde quaked before him, not afraid for himself but for the husk that used to be his first and dearest friend. Axel stopped and cocked his head, appraising the boy as Roxas edged forward, stopping just out of reach.

"Axe—ah!" Roxas gasped when Axel lunged and grabbed the front of his shirt.

"I've had it with you", he snarled.

"Wha—"

"Do you _know_ what you _do_ to me?"

"Axel, hold on. It's me, Roxas! What's wro—"

"I know who you are", he bellowed as he shook the blonde a little. "I know, dammit."

_You think you know it all, don't you, you smug little bastard?_

Roxas's eyes widened, not in fear but in awe as he beheld this feral predator that had never turned on him before. His Axel was dormant but still in there somewhere. He could feel it. Placing his hands on Axel's trembling fists bunched in his shirt, Roxas tried to reach him.

"Axel, stop this. Come on, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Axel's green eyes were wild as he clutched tighter, trying to pull himself back into reality. No, no he didn't want to wake up yet. He didn't want to face anything. Leave him alone. Don't touch. Leave him be. "Nn…gh. Shit", he snarled.

The redhead yanked Roxas bodily off his feet and before the blonde knew what was happening lips were being pressed hard against his. Lips… they weren't soft as he'd imagined.

Roxas's brain sputtered a moment before kicking into high gear. He flailed, jerking as his legs swung uselessly in the air. Tan hands flew up and pressed against the taller boy's throat. Axel growled and bit the boy's lower lip to keep him still. Roxas cried out but it was silenced as Axel's hands hitched in his shirt to get a better grip. He groaned against his protector's mouth. The redhead was beyond all reason now.

He'd had a taste. Finally, after holding himself in check for so long. He wanted more.

Axel kept their mouths mashed together, grinding his lips against the flavor of heaven. His brain was fogged. He was drifting in a haze, hearing nothing but the ugly cacophony of fists and his father's cursing.

_Faggot. Beast!_

Yes. Yes, all true. He didn't care. What was he doing? Hurting. Hurting the one he shouldn't be.

_Hold still you little shit._

Roxas squirmed as Axel licked along the contours of the shorter boy's mouth. Turning, he slammed Roxas against the wall and snatched the blonde's legs, wrapping them around him. It was sharp and it was cruel, the way he rocked his hips.

_You're just like your mother._

Roxas whimpered, startled by the sudden bruising intrusion against his core. He tried to push at Axel's chest again but he was trapped between a wall and a hard place. With a gritty mewl, he sagged while Axel cupped his ass in both large hands and kneaded the supple globes while grinding their bodies together slowly, rolling the center of his body so that it collided with Roxas perfectly.

"Hu…uh…. Axel, s-stop. Please don't do thi—"

The redhead abandoned his grip to snatch the sides of Roxas's face and devour his mouth again, sucking a pink lip between his teeth and biting down until he tasted blood. The smaller boy sobbed as Axel's teeth receded, only to break off in a soft gasp when his captor bucked against him again. Out of instinct, his thighs clenched tighter to keep him close to the friction that sizzled like merciless lightening through his clothed body, dampening quickly with sweat. It was now the only thing keeping him in place. Sliding, pushing, clinging.

His back arched while blunt nails dug into the redhead's back, dragging a feral hiss from him. "A-Axel! Stop! Plea—ha!" His heart thundered until it drowned out his pleas.

—_ate…hate you!_

Not like this, not like this. Where was his Axel? This wasn't him…

Molten heat exploded in them both as Axel fisted Roxas's hair and pulled his head back to feast on the tan neck, keeping the motion of their bodies slow, controlled. The blonde squeezed his eyes shut, knitting his eyebrows and making a pleading sound, somewhere between a moan and a sob as Axel's tongue dragged across his pulse. Releasing his grip on downy spikes, he then placed his hand underneath Roxas's head to hold him in place.

He was the beast everyone accused him of being in this moment as he seared all rational things from their minds, groaning nonsensical obscenities against Roxas's open mouth with every harsh thrust. Axel snarled, capturing pink lips between his teeth before urging another tongue-laced kiss.

Strangled moans. Broken gasps. Torturous friction increased as blatant arousals brushed through their trousers, making both boys see white each time. The pulsing heat was trapped between hard-rubbing bodies that searched for relief. With each sloppy swipe of his tongue, he singed the younger boy's flesh. Roxas jumped with a sultry whine. There was no rhythm. There was no beauty or poetry. Just animals sating an urge.

Axel returned to Roxas's lips yet again, swallowing fearful little noises. Their lips still together, he jerked forward, making Roxas choke. The kiss was long and hard. It was meant to punish.

Punish?

Axel paused as Roxas wrapped his arms around the redhead and pulled him close. "Come back. Come back to me Axe, please", he whispered with more than a hint of desperation.

Green eyes blinked, finally aware of the situation. Dread stirred in his body as he looked at Roxas; gasping with tears in his eyes as he clung to the taller boy like his world was shattering.

Without warning, Axel threw himself away from Roxas. The blonde slid down the wall, shaking…but not all of it was from fear. His body snapped with a sensation he'd never experienced before. It sang through his blood like a drug, crawling, begging for more.

Sanity glinted in Axel's eyes as he wiped his mouth and stepped further away, not aware of anything else except the smaller boy's tremors.

"Oh…oh god. Rox…as…orry…s-sorry."

He shook his head as Roxas clambered onto shaky legs. Axel's mouth hinged open in silent horror as the blonde held a hand to his lips, still panting and flushed from their…encounter. Axel darted to the door only to remember it was locked. He fiddled with it in a panic, flinching when a small hand grabbed his elbow. Axel closed his eyes, not ready to see the pain or fear that he had caused in the other boy's expression.

The gentle tug turned forceful as Roxas used his footing and swung Axel around, away from the door. The blonde put himself between Axel and the only escape route in the room. The taller boy stiffened and refused to look at him as he awaited the harsh words, the hatred he deserved. It would be the final yank of the noose. He'd really done it now.

Roxas's expression was decidedly blank as he stood there. Axel winced and jerked his head to the side when he saw the boy raise his arm in his peripheral. His breathe hitched at the first contact…but it wasn't a blow. No, this was…

The blonde's fingers ghosted against his split lip, realizing what must have happened. "Oh Axel", he sighed. Axel had been there for him all this time, giving without taking. Even though he'd snapped just now, Roxas couldn't say that…he hadn't wanted it.

A part of him, a big part had been entertaining the idea more and more. And Axel was so…

The blonde tugged his wrist until they were both sitting; Axel in astonishment, Roxas in silent contemplation. The taller boy yelped when Roxas scooted to lean against the wall and tugged his head down to rest in his lap. He ran his fingers through the red spikes, not demanding an explanation for what Axel had just done, or why he was in such a state.

The room buffered the clamor in the hall as students passed by, oblivious to the two figures whose feelings were tangled. Lunch was over, but they wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon.

"It's okay", Roxas whispered. "I've got _you_ now."

Axel closed his eyes and cried.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Lips parted, moaning as their owner tried to escape his fitful slumber.

**_Watch over him._**

"Hmm…mh", he sighed. His back arched to press himself closer to the sensation combing through his hair. Soft. Warm. It counteracted his building anxiety. The boy turned and nuzzled into smoky heat that pulsed against his cheek. It felt so good here.

_I will. I like him a lot._

**_I know. I have to go now._**

_Wait. Where're you—_

Axel shifted and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, enjoying the sensation that didn't pause as he basked in the throbbing of his body, the thrumming of blood and comfort and pleasure and stiffness.

Then he remembered.

"Good morning, starshine. The earth says hello."

Axel shot up. Roxas had one knee raised against his chest while the other stretched out as he leaned against the wall. Axel felt mortified as he blushed, realizing that leg must have been his pillow. Green eyes flitted to Roxas's face again. He looked tired, but no worse for wear. Wear…oh God.

"Roxas…"

The blonde smiled. "You don't have to explain. I know you didn't mean it."

But he had meant it…he just wished it'd been under different circumstances. Axel dragged his eyes away as shame scalded his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see me like that."

Roxas snorted. "I said it was okay. We all lose control sometimes." The blonde raised a hand and thumbed the cut on Axel's lip. "Welcome back", he murmured.

Axel swallowed as Roxas pulled himself to his feet before padding over to pick up the knife, glad for a distraction to ease the heavy thudding of his heart and the pink that by now stained his whole body. The redhead palmed his face and peeked through his fingers at the fine sight Roxas made bending over. God, kill him now.

Axel groaned under the pretense of pulling himself to his feet as well. He glanced around at the orange light the room was bathed in and cringed at how long they must have stayed.

"Don't worry", Roxas said, interrupting his thoughts. "School ended a couple of hours ago but some club activities are still going on. We aren't locked in."

Axel puffed out his cheeks in relief. Granted he'd been in a haze during _that_….but he still felt soft cries as they ghosted against his shoulder. Still touched the flesh of those firm thighs, pliant, as he pressed himself between Roxas's clothed legs. He shook his head, glad that luck was on his side for once. If they'd gotten locked in here… "We should head over and check on your mom."

Roxas hummed his agreement as he slid the door back. "I feel like KFC tonight. Mom likes their mashed potatoes too. Let's stop by on the way."

"You got it. Has she called at all?"

The blonde dangled his phone by its strap and glared down at the silent device. "Nope."

"I'm sorry", Axel said again, voice heavy from guilt at keeping Roxas so long. The blonde waved a dismissive hand and strolled down the hall.

Axel rubbed the back of his neck and scowled at how normal Roxas was acting. Then again, maybe that was a blessing in disguise. He followed Roxas out, determined now more than ever to keep a tighter rein on himself so that the boy would have more time to treasure something Axel could barely remember.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The bags rustled as the savory scent of chicken filled the doorway. Roxas sighed appreciatively as he toed his shoes off with Axel following suit. He, of course, wasn't carrying anything. Axel had bought. And Axel had lugged.

The redhead grunted as he hauled the piping load into the kitchen. A hiss escaped through his teeth as he finally deposited the bags on the counter. Rolling his shoulder, he glanced over at the blonde who had a sly expression on his face.

"So much for forgiving me huh?"

Roxas grinned and turned to go up the stairs. Axel trailed after him, protesting good-naturedly. "I was bonkers, I tell you. It wasn't my fault."

"I know."

"You're such a tyrant. Oh sure, you may look cute but behind that demure exterior—"

Roxas snorted. "Demure? That's rich."

"—lies a demon! A slave driver!"

"Damn right—"

"Don't call me skippy again…"

"—skippy."

Roxas beat him up the stairs and Axel went to go lay down their school bags in Roxas's room. He rolled his other shoulder and kneaded the kinked muscles at the base of his neck, wondering just what colonel's secret ingredient was and why the hell _chicken_ could be so damn _heavy_.

Sighing, he figured it was probably safer for everyone involved that the secret stayed a secret. The redhead turned and padded down the hall but pulled up short. Roxas had his back to him, frozen in the doorway.

Something was wrong.

Why wasn't the woman greeting them like she usually did? A sudden chill raced down his spine as Roxas continued to stand there. Stepping forward carefully, Axel went to lay his hand on the shorter boy's shoulder.

It never got the chance to connect because, just as they would have touched, Roxas staggered over the threshold. A scream tore from his throat. Couldn't she hear? Why was she just laying there?

Roxas was suddenly trapped in a vacuum. There was no sound, no air. Only Roxas, unsure how he still had the strength to stand. And that smell…He was only vaguely aware that real life wasn't like on those crime shows where people blithely move around the body as they go on about their business. It was messy. It was stifling. It was blood and feces and plans cut short.

It was broken promises, and soulless screaming. Was he screaming?

Axel jerked back, as startled and sickened as the mother's son who grabbed chunks of his hair and wailed like a dying animal.

Roxas's head spun as he crashed to his knees and heaved, trying to dispel the bone deep…

Kneeling in his own vomit, he shrieked like someone was stringing the nerves from his body and playing them like a macabre violin. His heart, oh his heart was splintering. This was someone else. This woman who was laying in his mother's bed…she was an imposter because his mother would always look at him.

So why did this hurt so much? Why wasn't she looking at him? Opening her eyes and smiling at him? Her mashed potatoes would get cold, he realized. He needed to wake her up because she was just sleeping. She had to get up so she could eat them and take strength from the food. She was not dead!

"Mom! Momma! Wake up, mommy", wretched sobs wracked his body as he slipped in his puke to try and reach her. If he could just touch her, to feel that she was warm…he just needed to touch her once and she'd wake up. She had to.

Axel rushed forward and grabbed Roxas by the shoulders as he reached out to the corpse.

"Let me go", he hollered. "Let me go! I have to wake her up so she can take her medicine. Mom, wake up!"

"No Roxas", Axel said harshly.

"She's not dead", he screeched, squirming to release the other boy's grip. "She's not! She can't be. Let me go!"

"Roxas! Look at me", Axel snarled. The redhead shook the boy by the shoulders as gently as he could.

Roxas couldn't hear him. Couldn't see him.

"Mom…" He whimpered as his voice cracked, lifting a weak arm and clenching his hand.

Roxas hiccupped and stared at Axel as if he was transparent. Suddenly, he went limp. The dead didn't feel the tears of the living. She was fine this morning. Why now? Why her? She seemed like she was getting better.

Axel tried reaching him again, but Roxas's mind slipped into a daze to protect itself. He glanced with hollow eyes at his mother's body, at Axel, and back again.

_Red hair, green eyes. Red blood… blood….death…_

She was dead. He snapped back and his face contorted as it pulled into a silent scream. Roxas buried his face into Axel's shoulder and clutched at him desperately while he fell apart. The taller boy's hold tightened a little as he felt warmth begin to trickle from where Roxas's nails were gouging.

"Mommy, please come back. Please…Don't leave me…please. I'll be good…"

"Breathe slowly", Axel commanded, rubbing his hand in circles against the quivering back as Roxas coughed and gasped and sobbed. This was all his fault. He flinched, remembering the voice that had awoken him.

**Watch over him.**

He nodded at the woman who was no longer there, making a silent promise to himself. She was curled up like a little child. Except for a brown flakey line that dribbled down at one corner of her mouth where the blood had dried, she looked like she really was just sleeping. Her skin wasn't even blue yet, as the cold dead adopt in time.

"_Stay strong…my Roxas."_

The blonde winced as the dream came back to him. He lifted his head and forced himself to look at her again. Taking a shaky breath, he dislodged himself from Axel's grasp. The redhead thought about protesting but realized Roxas needed to do this.

His entire body was creaking like wood too loud in his ears. A shout built in his chest but never came even as his nerve endings combusted. Small snapping sounds echoed from within him and for once, he welcomed the pain.

Touch her.

_She's gone._

Touch her.

Roxas limped over to her bedside, never letting his eyes leave the grisly sight.

_Run._

Don't touch her.

You'll die too.

Roxas reached down, then drew back his hand and clenched it. He couldn't do it.

"Goodbye mother."

I love you.

_Goodbye._

The room was smothering, the walls too close. Suddenly, he couldn't get far enough from this empty husk.

"Whatever I can do to help… I'm here." Axel's back was straight as he clenched his fists against his sides, feeling the loss not as much perhaps, but enough that even he felt like crying. It wasn't Roxas's mom he saw there, after all.

Roxas turned to him and deadened his expression. The redhead stepped forward and took one small hand into his own, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles against a soft palm.

His eyes couldn't see. His ears couldn't hear. His mind shifted to autopilot. Had he thought about it, even for a brief moment he would have realized that the fingers tangled with his couldn't last. He would've realized how big a price he'd paid to get what he wanted.

"I know", he sighed at length.

And they said no more. There were the proper authorities to call and preparations to be made.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry for any typos you may have encountered.<em>**

**_For the record, Roxas isn't okay with the death of his mother. He just realizes he needs to stop being a pussy and move on. And even if things did get awkward between Axel and Roxas because of what Axel did…*blushes* things really do happen like that. I've been there in Axel's situation and if your 'friends' accept you completely, they get over it when you snap. I know. Too fast and you hate me atm right? Screw it._**

**_If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the corner blowing my nose like a foghorn. One good thing out of **_this chapter? I found my fucking tissues._**_**


	9. Chapter 8: Over and Under

***walks like an Egyptian***

**Booooo! I'm so tired x3 Here, here~ I haz something for yew.**

**No oen. No sue. No munnie. Nothin. Bah. I'll get the typos out later.**

* * *

><p><strong><em><span>Chapter Eight: Over and Under and Through the Wood…<span>_**

The paramedics Axel took the liberty to call were efficient, unsympathetic. People died every day and this was just a job to them. Feelings played no role when carting off another body.

They would never know her quiet strength or her kind smile and gentle hugs.

Axel buried Roxas's face in his shoulder as they came in to zip up the black bag, disturbing in its uniformity. It could have been anyone in there. But it wasn't. It was his mother, his precious dead mother.

Roxas insisted on staying. The blonde watched them take his mother with empty eyes.

The police came, questioning, a little more sympathetic. They were worse than the paramedics because with those feelings, Roxas knew that a living person was no longer living. They were gentle and careful when he didn't want them to be because it made it…real. The cold of her corpse was like plastic, surreal. The humanity was gone. But when the police came with their cruel, pitying words and scribbling pens…

The woman in the siren wasn't screaming anymore but the lights still blinded, amplified by the stale tears that scraped at the corners of the boy's eyes.

The police eventually left.

Roxas didn't.

Axel called the school to leave a message but in the end, he left too. He still kept to the never-stay-over rule. That was fine. That was usual. Roxas needed usual. If he had decided to stay, it would've just made everything harder.

And so, Roxas was left with nothing but his thoughts.

It wasn't like she was too old to give birth to her son and raise him right. It wasn't like she would know the years she had were numbered, that she wouldn't even last long enough to see her son graduate from high school. It wasn't like…

It never stopped hurting.

Because there were times when Roxas would feel nothing at all. Of course, those blissful times were only moments. Moments of waking up and padding to her room with a cup of tea to wake her up, only to realize she wasn't in her bed. Moments of turning to tell her something he was thinking only to realize that she wasn't there beside him and she couldn't hear his words anymore. Moments. Just moments.

Then it would rip through his soul again. The house being empty, he could scream and so he did to his heart's discontent. While he stared bitterly down at a plate of food. While he packed boxes and prepared to move since the meager checks he got from the government weren't enough to cover the rent for the place. Those would only last so long since he was seventeen. They'd stop in a few months. He was moving due to ethics and law.

It was normal wasn't it, for a child to bury the parent? Yes, ethics and law. People said that it was far sadder to watch a mother bury her son, but those people were just sympathetic onlookers that kept ugly thoughts in the back of their minds as they watched on the sidelines with pitying glances and whispers behind hands that were loud enough to hear.

Just people who secretly gloated or sighed with relief. _Better you than me_.

Roxas couldn't say that, could he? Why hadn't he been taken instead? Why was he left behind?

He was just like them; though the words weren't the same, the sentiment was still ugly and wrong. He was still here.

She'd gone where he couldn't follow.

At first, he'd blamed her. He blamed her for running away, for not telling him what was wrong, for not letting him protect her even though nothing could've been done. He blamed his mother for hurting both of them, for letting him think that they would always be there for each other. He blamed her for leaving.

But that didn't last long. He couldn't blame his mother, not when she had suffered the most, not when Roxas still loved her so deeply—not when she was gone, no longer there to blame.

So Roxas turned his anger on the closest and farthest from his heart: his father and Axel. Axel had occupied his attention with giddy distractions, had broken him out of the shell he'd lived in comfortably for his whole life. Had taken time he could have spent with his mother before her final moments, especially...

And Roxas's father…oh, that bastard.

They'd been forced to leave him, his fists that left scars only they would see, invisible to all others. His father had been the catalyst that forced his mother to push herself to the breaking point and beyond. The vile, faceless man had hurt them so badly for so many years even after he was gone. Had stolen their freedom and chained his mother down with debts that couldn't be paid with his absence.

The hatred grew inside of Roxas until he thought he could hate no one more than he did those two men—until he realized whose fault everything truly was.

He could hold onto the secret hatred for his father as he'd always done, but not Axel. Not the boy who helped him so much, in so many ways.

No, Axel was arguably the only thing keeping him afloat. He would be absent at times but that was usual. When he'd come back bruises would be blooming like ugly flowers on his face, his arms, and undoubtedly other places out of sight. Roxas didn't ask where they were from. One time he'd even stumbled in with blood coating his front, but Roxas couldn't say he was truly mortified anymore.

Because he'd made a realization.

With that realization all of his blame, anger, and hatred turned inward like the festering virus that had taken his mother. It was **his** fault. In the end, it had been**his** duty to protect her and **he** had **_failed_**. She was dead because of him.

No, it never stopped hurting really.

The pain and anger and denial warred within him until he was exhausted and obsessed. A week.

They'd given him a week off from school to get his business squared away. To m-mourn. Seven whole days, a sleepless limbo; seven eternities.

Axel went to class in Roxas's place and picked up the lecture notes and homework. He spent as much time as he could, tutoring Roxas on things he didn't understand nor did he care about, cooking for him, holding his hand. Axel even went around to the closest businesses and picked up job applications. Roxas was hired almost immediately at the service station nearby. Everything seemed to be falling into place. And yet…

And yet he felt resigned.

Roxas spent his eternities packing, moving, screaming. He'd sit in his mother's room for hours at a time, staring ahead listless. He could still hear her. See her. He drifted from wall to wall then sat on her bed and stared. Just stared.

But then the time came to pack up her stuff as well…that had been the worst.

Axel protested with a fervor that would have surprised Roxas, but then he was untouchable by anything but his own desolation. The stuff would have to be gotten rid of. He had no room for it and if he wanted to get by then…sacrifices would have to be made. The apartment wasn't big enough to store her things. It was barely large enough for what meager belongings Roxas needed to keep.

It was like he was losing her all over again. With every article of clothing, piece of jewelry… the pictures. The memories.

She was gone.

One of those particular days (Tuesday?) before the funeral was to be held (Thursday?…eternity), Roxas was sifting through her closet with numb fingers. He frowned and paused when something caught the off light. Bending, Roxas dug until he could wrap hands around the cool surface and pull whatever it was free.

He sorely wished he hadn't. It was the clock. The clock she'd hidden…

Roxas choked and bowed into himself, hugging the sharp old corners to him. With every tick, it vibrated against his chest like it was alive. It was alive and his mother was dead. The blonde shuddered, having lost his voice a while ago to the drilling weight that insisted on squeezing his heart until it shattered. But the tears came, replenished into a molten ache that carved down his face as he trembled.

He didn't hear Axel come in. He didn't feel Axel's arms as they encircled him and gently pulled him back into reality. He just pressed closer, the edges digging, digging, digging.

Stabbing.

Laughing.

Tick, tick, tick...tock.

Clockwork.

Thursday. His stuff was all moved. He was situated in the new place. His mother's possessions had been boxed away and donated. The clock ticked by his bedside, the only piece of her he allowed himself to keep.

Dark. It was dark outside when Axel knocked on his door. Dark like the suit he wore, sedate and severe like the ponytail he'd gathered his spikes into. Axel nudged his way inside to set about making breakfast without a word while Roxas turned to get dressed. When he came back clad in his own suit toast, eggs, and bacon were waiting for him.

Roxas gulped and pulled on his jacket. Axel remained silent as the blonde walked past him and toed on his shoes at the door. The redhead looked back at the breakfast and then at Roxas again, knowing it wasn't going to be touched.

Roxas was ever a creature of habit, after all.

They marched in the chilly, glaring overcast that had replaced the dark for a long time with a little distance between them but it wasn't angry or sad. It was that natural distance that hurt without hurting.

The two figures trudged through the gates of the cemetery. It had been his mother's last wish; a quirky part of herself that wanted to be close to the plants. This was usually reserved for those with a substantial amount of money because there was just no room in Japan but some exception had been made for Roxas. A letter. A check from some mysterious benefactor that was just enough to cover the funeral, the grave marker, and nothing else. A pre-absolved decision between the same mysterious benefactor and the cemetery curators.

After checking in they found the allotted spot tucked against a sloping hill that was slippery from morning dew. A mound of fresh soil was piled to one side, ugly as a pimple on the flat ground. It was a damp and somber sight. And the gaping maw it stood next to was scary.

Six feet down, a perfectly square hole in the earth. In his world. Cold tears from the sky plunked against his hair and Roxas squinted up into the light downpour. The heavens were weeping for her too. Cold, dead tears because live ones were hot and salty and burned more than acid. This was soothing, freezing, numbing.

Roxas grit his teeth and forced himself to stare back down into that empty space, forced himself to remember that this is where she would be from now on. He stood there for a long while, forgetting Axel, not noticing when the other mourners showed up; her coworkers. A man with long ash bronze hair and green eyes. Her boss? No, he'd met his mother's boss before and that man certainly wasn't it.

Some darkly humorous part of himself fancied that Roxas was a ghost, an invisible drifter who was watching these people cry and grieve for his mother from far away. No more words were said and Roxas stood with his head bent, watching them pitter away out of the corner of his eye.

When everyone left, Roxas found himself facing the modest grave marker with a sense of guilt and anguish. It was like it demanded an explanation. He sat down and stared at it for a long while, so many words and apologies rushing through his mind that had come too late. Finally, he managed a weak, "I should've known…" his breath caught, and the rest of his words were strangled into silence.

Roxas brooded, resenting himself more as every second ticked away. The more he mulled the past over in his mind, the more he realized what he should have done differently. He could have been more caring, more careful, more sensitive. Looking back, he would have changed everything...and nothing. He treasured the time he had had with her, but he wished selfishly that it could have lasted forever. Or, at the very least, that his mom had been spared.

Roxas would have done anything to give his mother a chance at happiness, even if that meant sacrificing his own.

The loathing didn't last for long as a movement in front of him forced his sight into focus. All mental facilities screeched to halt. Where once static and clamor warred inside his mind, there was now only perfect silence. The blood rushed out of his face like a torrential flood as he shot to his feet.

The faceless man suddenly had a face. And he stood there on the other side of the lowering casket staring at the boy, his hand clasped into the man's that had torn Roxas's family apart.

There it was; why he loathed his sprouting feelings for Axel, why he despised the idea that he could become something like his father, why... he secretly hated himself for not putting more of an effort into fight it. Roxas's father had left his mom for another man. A gay man had turned his life upside down.

Axel was different though…or so Roxas desperately tried to convince himself.

The guy in question had his hand on Roxas's shoulder, sensing tenseness where there had only been resignation before. Roxas's fists clenched so tightly that blood was beginning to drip from them, mixing with the falling rain like an obscene parody. The fury rose as the sea of blood sloshed from the foreign heat that erupted in his body.

He'd been cold before. Too cold, he realized now as his stomach turned. The fires of unspeakable, disgusted rage blasted through his core.

The bastard had the balls to break eye contact with his son as he bent his head in mourning.

Roxas waited until the drone from the lowering device ceased. He waited until mounds of earth were heaved onto the polished wood of her casket with wet slaps that echoed finality until it was no longer visible. He didn't want her to hear.

Roxas stormed over to his father who had turned to leave and grabbed his arm before he could walk any further.

"What the hell are you doing here", he demanded hotly. And then it all clicked. "You", Roxas stumbled back, horrified.

His drawn expression grew even more lined as he tried to meet his son's eyes and failed. "I loved your mother Roxas. It was only right that I come—"

"No", the boy roared, "You have no right! You don't do anything while she's alive but you'll bury your wife, my _mother, _in luxury? Is that it? How fucking sick are you?"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that, young man. I'm still your father."

Since boyhood, he'd been paralyzed by helplessness. But with death came release, and something snapped in Roxas's chest at that moment. That something was change. He wasn't the same sniveling brat his father used to backhand. He wasn't…because he couldn't afford to be. Life flooded into his limbs and sharpened their surroundings into painful clarity.

It was this man's fault his mom had to get that job at the company that forced her to transfer so much. It was this man's fault his mom, his beautiful, precious, ragged mom had turned herself from doting housewife to breadwinner overnight.

It was his fault that Roxas hadn't been able to make any friends. All of the blame, the loathing, the suffering; it shifted with that change and Roxas stood a little straighter. It was _all _this man's fault.

He and his mother had stuck together, with no help from him. Roxas shook as that shift swirled into a black hatred that festered in his heart and in his eyes. Color drained from everything around them, leaving Roxas hypersensitive to his father and himself in that grey space. "Look at me", he spat. "Look at me, damn you! You can't can you?"

The man flinched and kept his eyes trained on something past Roxas's head. Face convulsing, Roxas smiled without mirth.

"You can't because you crushed us when you left to be with that…that faggot! Because you know I'm right!"

Roxas was dimly aware that he was yelling now. His voice cracked and other mourners, some of them stragglers from his mother's ceremony, some not, started looking back to see what was going on.

Axel stood behind Roxas but had removed his hand from the quaking boy's shoulder. His anger was so potent and stunning, touching him at that moment would have been sacrilege. His body tensed however, in case Roxas needed his help.

"Lower your voice", the man pleaded quietly. "Please, people are starting to stare."

"Let them look. Let the whole world hear! You. Are. A. Scumbag—"

The blow came out of nowhere. Roxas flew back as a solid punch from the man connected with a sharp crack against his cheek. The boy hit the ground as black sparks exploded across his vision. He lay there for a moment as the cold, wet grass stabbed through the suit jacket. The rain fell heavier now, egging on their confrontation. Trying to sit up, Roxas groaned as his body spasmed. His head spun and all the air was stolen from his burning lungs.

Dazed, Roxas blinked as arms picked him up. A voice was blustering over him.

"I didn't mean…he was just so…Oh Roxas, I'm sorry…"

Axel shoved the man's partner off of him before tearing Roxas out of his father's arms with a feral snarl.

"Wait, please I…it wasn't supposed to be like thi—"

The redhead rounded on him as he clutched Roxas to his chest. "Back the fuck off. _Now._"

Roxas's father backpedaled without thinking, forgetting the fact that a teenager was bossing him around. The age gap didn't matter. He held no qualms in believing that this boy could rip out his throat if he so chose and the man feared those flashing green eyes that weren't quite sane. "If you _ever _raise a hand to him again I'll…"

He said no more but he didn't need to as he whirled around and began to carry his precious burden away.

Roxas squirmed after a few moments, realizing what was happening. "No. No Axel, put me down." His words were slurred and he winced at the electric throb in his cheek.

"The hell I will! If that son of a bitch touches you again... No Roxas. There's no way I'm letting go."

The blonde let a warm tingle wash over him at Axel's fierce protectiveness. It dulled some of his own rage and for that, he owed Axel. But this was important. His voice softened as he wrapped his arms around Axel's neck and brought his mouth level with the redhead's ear. "Then take me over to him. I have to do this."

Axel shivered and closed his eyes as he halted his steps. Roxas had just made it clear exactly where Axel stood in his eyes and yet the redhead couldn't find the strength to deny the arousal that bubbled at his crotch from the closeness. He bit his lip as the boy shifted in his arms. Roxas felt so good there.

"Please Axel."

He stood motionless for a minute before nodding, a muscle working furiously in his jaw. He eased the blonde to stand as he slung one of Roxas's arms over his shoulder. Bending to accommodate the height difference, Axel helped his charge stumble over on shaky legs.

Roxas faced the man who still called himself a father as he shook in his partner's arms, the other man trying to console him with quiet murmurs. The blonde motioned for Axel to help him step closer and Axel refused at first, but in the end he relented. The man looked ill as he reached out and cupped where he had struck when Roxas got close enough.

"You have your mother's eyes", he whispered as tears swam around his. "Roxas, I'm so sorry. For everything. I've changed…really, I have." The wound against his palm pulsed viciously, as if arguing of its own accord. "Please let me make this righ—"

There, in front of God and everybody, Roxas spit in his father's face. The man's eyes snapped closed in shock and he flinched but didn't wipe the spittle off. Instead, he opened his eyes again and stared for a long, sad moment at his boy before his partner's handkerchief came up to gently swab the hateful evidence away.

Roxas allowed himself to be swept up into Axel's arms once more without protest. It was done.

As they walked, the world drowned quietly around them.

The rain was a dull roar now; every drop like jagged glass that scratched against his face, arms, body. It cooled the fire inside and soothed the welt that was rising on Roxas's cheek.

They made their way slowly back to the apartment and stumbled inside. Roxas was soaked to the bone and his teeth chattered, but his eyes were bone dry even as the painful blow scraped at his mind. Axel pulled the ice tray from the freezer, dropping some frozen cubes into a rag. Roxas lost his feet and plopped on the couch, grimacing when Axel placed a cold weight on his face.

He then chose to take a seat across from the blonde as they both contemplated each other in silence. After a stretch and with the heavens lulled, Axel's voice broke the hush. It was filled with hesitant pain.

"You…you really hate us don't you?"

Roxas made a face. "Us?" It took him a moment to piece things together but when he did Roxas shot up in his seat. Faggots.

Axel was…

"No. God, no… what I said back there... It was aimed at him and that asshole. I wasn't talking about you. You're my friend, aren't you? I don't give a rip about your sexuality. In fact…" Roxas's words hitched as a lump in his throat. Why did he always have to fucking shoot his mouth off without thinking?

Sensing his regret, Axel silently forgave the blonde as he came and sat next to him, readjusting the makeshift cold pack that Roxas had let it slip while trying to explain….what? His feelings towards…_for_ another guy? For the one who was different?

No. That sounded too cliché. But as Axel's fingers grazed the blonde's face, he couldn't seem to work up the energy to care.

He hurt. And Axel was there to soothe him.

He was alone. So Axel stayed beside him.

Axel like guys...but maybe Roxas could give him a chance despite his own issues. Different sex. Same sex. Wasn't the result the same if both parties were earnest enough? There was no betrayal here, no previous commitments to hold either of them back. They were free to choose.

The walls constricted in on themselves like they were eager to press Axel and Roxas closer together as this thought flitted through his fogged mind. Fog. Heavy breaths, like mist were exchanged between the two boys. It swirled around them and hazed their minds as if to say: _nobody is watching, it's safe._

When Roxas leaned in closer, a slow careful movement, Axel mirrored the motion without thinking. His mouth went suddenly dry, forcing him to swallow, pulse quickening as they both acknowledged what they'd been dancing around this whole time.

The blonde submerged himself in the heady details of Axel's body, memorizing, worshiping with his eyes. From his red hair so like muted fire, to the damp droplets that clung to his suit jacket rolled up at the elbows. Even the way his neck and shoulder met in a creamy juncture. His skin was cold but still pulsed with an undercurrent of life that thrilled down Roxas's spine.

His cheek throbbed, accusing him of soiling this relationship that they had with his dirty, unnatural thoughts. Roxas pushed them away. He wasn't his father and he damn sure wasn't being selfish. Axel was soothing and he wanted that comfort at the moment.

A new side of Roxas sparked into being, fueled by the way he'd stood against the monster that had haunted his entire life. He'd take what he wanted because now…there was nothing to hold him back.

_I'm sorry mom, I can't._

Axel was close enough for him to touch, his head titled to one side as he was drawn in by the force of their proximity. Acting on instinct, Roxas reached up and pulled the band from his hair, allowing those wild locks to spill free as they teased his palm like fine silk.

The redhead flinched but never let his eyes tear away from the blue shards of heated ice that carved a lasting mark on his soul. He leaned into the gentle caress and nuzzled Roxas's warm wrist. When he turned back, Roxas's eyes had darkened a shade or two. Axel sucked a sharp breathe between his teeth, wanting to taste the blushing pout that parted in wonderment as it breathed moist puffs against his face.

So caught up was he in wanting taking those lips again, Axel's mind didn't fully register when they pressed themselves of their own accord against the corner of his mouth. Stunned, he sat there for a second, blinking. When Roxas's softness kneaded against him he began to tremble. The blonde's eyes were closed as he titled his head to meld their mouths together fully.

Axel dipped his head and made a small noise of surprise when he felt the other boy's tongue dart out. Grabbing the blonde's shoulders, he separated them with a gasp. "Woah…Roxas, woah."

Roxas's eyes fluttered open again, glazed as his chest heaved. His lips once again parted, were all the more enticing now from the puffiness and the blush that dusted through the rest of his tan skin. The redhead swallowed a groan at the sight.

"Don't", Roxas murmured. "Don't pull away." He leaned in again but Axel stopped him.

"Roxas, hold on. This isn't fair. Please don't tease me like this when you know how I feel."

The blonde didn't need any convincing this time as he leaned back and cut Axel with an incredulous glare. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

Axel shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

Roxas's face flickered from astonished, to embarrassed, to mortified in dizzying succession.

"Oh my God. So you just let me throw myself—" The words squeezed out in a rushed, whispered squeak. "I thought I _did_ know...how you feel. Oh God—"

The blonde bolted to his feet to make his escape, cold compress forgotten. He only made it so far because a large hand snagged his wrist.

"Wait. Roxas, wait."

"No", the blonde cried out, trying to tug away from Axel's hold. His humiliation amplified tenfold for having misread the signals. For having wanted it himself. He'd been so wrong. So wrong and stupid for even thinking…

"It is." Axel's low timbre cut into his castigation.

Roxas looked up and blinked. "Huh?"

"It _is_ what I wanted…**want**. I do." Axel forced himself to keep eye contact despite the pink that was creeping across his nose. He raked his free hand through his hair as frustration tinged his voice. "Just not like... _this_."

Roxas paused from his escape attempts that were weakening by the second as he waited for the other boy to elaborate.

"I just…I want you to want it too. Try to understand, I don't want to you to feel like you're being forced into anything. I won't use you like that." His expression was sincere and his eyes lightened to jade as the muscles in his body coiled, willing Roxas to understand. His hand tightened around the boy's wrist involuntarily, throat drawing tight with choked emotion. "You're so…so beautiful. And strong. God Roxas, if you only knew…but I won't allow our selfishness and desire before to override the consequences after. And I sure as hell won't allow anything to hurt you. I can't let you do this knowing you would hate yourself later."

Roxas stumbled back onto the couch, dumbstruck. Axel's thumb had taken to rubbing small circles against the underside of his wrist, unknowingly shooting goose bumps up his entire arm.

"That's exactly it", the blonde sighed sadly.

Axel's face pulled tight, having anticipated that once reason reared its ugly head Roxas would pull back. But anticipating it happen still didn't stop the hurt, the disappointment. He should have just kept his mouth shut but in his heart, no matter how much he craved the blonde, he knew it was impossible to do any harm to him.

Roxas was rigid in his fragility, so taut that with the slightest bit of added pressure he'd shatter. Roxas had already lost so much, the redhead couldn't take his pride from him too. Axel's head bowed as his mouth twisted like something sour was swimming on his tongue.

Roxas's heart clenched as he brought up his other hand to cup the back of Axel's neck and guide him closer. At first the other boy protested but Roxas somehow managed to coax him forward until their lips whispered against each other.

Axel's eyes closed and his brows pulled together in a frown as the other boy smiled against their connected mouths. He couldn't help it really. Roxas broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Axel's own as their breathing mingled in breathless pants. Axel's eyes were still closed and he frowned harder than ever.

"That's exactly it", he repeated. "That right there is why I _want_ to do this. I know you'd never hurt me. Not with everything you've done already. Even at your worst", Axel flinched and tried to pull away but Roxas dislodged his hand that Axel still held to cup his chin. His nails at the back of Axel's neck dragged across the pale flesh, making the redhead's eyes snap shut again as a pleasured shudder chased through his body. The distraction allowed Roxas to guide his face forward again. "Even at your worst you didn't strike out, and that's given me all the proof I need. Please, Axel. I need you right now."

When Axel's eyes fluttered open his gaze was filled with a blue so deep he fancied that he could dive right in and drown happily there. "Are you sure?"

Roxas snickered at the redhead's expression and Axel craned his neck back a little to stare down his nose at the shorter boy.

"This isn't funny Roxas."

"No", he teased. "It's actually quite serious."

Axel's jaw dropped at the turn of phrase. "Why you little", he growled snaking both of his hands behind Roxas's neck and pulling their lips together once again. They bumped clumsily like two moths to an enticing flame, nothing smooth about the way their tongues, teeth, and lips clashed.

"Hmm..mm!" Roxas squeaked when the redhead sucked his bottom lip between sharp teeth and rolled it in a way that sent pleasant sparks to his twitching crotch. The blonde gasped when Axel released him in favor of pushing his tongue between quivering lips, swiping and lashing at the soft wet heat.

Their mouths kneaded together, fighting off the niggling urge to gasp for breath while their tongues slid and flicked against one another. Roxas jumped, a tiny moan vibrating from his throat as Axel licked the roof of his mouth.

When it became too much, both heads snapped apart to take greedy gulps of air before the boys clung to each other for a second round that was just as dizzying as the first. Roxas made more small noises that spurned both of them on and before he even knew what he was doing, the blonde was clambering into Axel's lap to press their bodies closer together.

The heat, the numb fire…it was intoxicating. Roxas's eyes squeezed shut as he allowed Axel to plunder his mouth and devour his fleeting sanity.

"God", the redhead growled when he needed to take another breath. He ran his hands down Roxas's back as he brushed his mouth over the forgotten wound on the boy's cheek. "You." Kiss. "Taste." Lick. "_So_ good." He coaxed Roxas's tongue into his mouth and twirled his own wet organ around it as he sucked greedily like Roxas was all the sustenance he'd ever need again.

The blonde pulled back at the suction, embarrassed at his blatant erection forming a heavy aching weight between his thighs. Even the blood that pulsed on his face seemed to have ulterior motives as it rushed down to join the rest at his center. He bit his lip while Axel littered his chin and neck with short kisses.

"I don't know how to do any of thi—ah!"

He clung to Axel's shoulders as the redhead's thigh nudged between his legs and pressed against Roxas's core with sinuous intent. Axel's arms came up and wrapped around his waist to grind him deeper onto the circular motion.

"Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of you."

Roxas had no time to contemplate what that 'care' entailed because as soon as the words were said, Axel sucked sharply at the hollow of Roxas's throat. The blonde's eyes rolled into the back of his skull, his hips bucking and grinding on their own against Axel's never-ceasing rhythm. The redhead jerked off Roxas's jacket and threw it across the room, leaving him in only a semi-transparent white dress shirt and steadily constricting slacks.

Hoarse cries were evicted from his lips as Axel's mouth returned to trace up and down the perfect bronze pillar with unrestrained rapture. His arms tightened around Roxas as he slid down and replaced his thigh with the rolling insanity of his hips. He wanted to mark this boy, mix him up, let the whole world know.

Roxas Meguriaukagi belonged to him now. He wanted to shout out his victory, to make the other boy scream his name until his voice broke but the stream of quiet moans and praises would have to suffice… for now. Axel's fingers stole under sodden fabric and Roxas shuddered as they raked lightly against his heated flesh.

"Uhh…uhn!...ah", the blonde sobbed brokenly as his nails bit into Axel's shoulder.

It was too hot even with his jacket off and the breeze from the open window brushing against him like another pair of hands. Way too hot even though he couldn't stop shivering. Roxas's mind floated in the aroused ether as he gave over to the base desires he'd been quelling.

It felt too right to be wrong.

The taller boy smirked, abruptly ceasing the friction between Roxas's legs. The blonde whined and rubbed himself against Axel, needing more.

"D-don't…" It came out as a strangled whimper. Roxas should have been mortified but they were far past the point of shame now. All that mattered was the fire that roared in his body and coiled like scalding chains around his penis.

"Don't what", the taller boy purred against Roxas's fevered, love-kissed throat.

"Don't s-stop…uhm…please…"

Axel obliged as he stood up. Roxas's eyes snapped open as harsh pants were torn from his lungs while Axel's mouth resumed its lascivious menstruations. The taller boy's hands coasted down his sides in a lingering way that made a blaze sing through his blood as his legs came up to wrap around that lean waist in abandon. Axel cupped his ass and guided him until they were fitted against one another like puzzle pieces. With gritted teeth, Axel controlled a lazy piston that had Roxas's eyes rolling back again.

His limit approaching, Axel made hasty calculations then hefted the squirming bundle in his arms. He glanced down at the flushed blonde and bent to nuzzle and nip at his shoulder through the dress shirt before drawing back with it caught between his teeth. He shook his head like the ravenous hound he was before releasing it and appraising the breathless boy with equal hunger reflected in his eyes.

"I think you're a tad overdressed for the occasion, Rox" he husked against sweat and rain dampened flesh.

Roxas groaned and squeezed Axel's neck as he allowed himself to be swept off towards the bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong><em>*gets beaten by hordes of angry fangirls* xDDDD I couldn't help it~! No songs were used in the creation of this chapter. Just…lots of…uhm…  yeah. It WILL BE CONTINUED in the next chapter. *coughs* there will be so much butt sex =w= because it's the best way to ease the real pain. Ha. / Gosh, where does this all come from anyways? I'm sorry if my choppy lango throws you off _ it's just my style and the more emotional I get when writing a scene the more halt-ish the words become. I hope you liked it regardless though :3 Thanks for reading~_**


	10. Chapter 9: How Many Cookies?

_***glares***_

_***laywer pokes me in the back with a keyblade***_

_***sulks***_

_**I don't own Kingdom Hearts, the characters, settings, or situations therein... no money is being made and no Roxas's were actually hurt in the typing of this chapter. *ping~~You've got mail~~***_

_**...that was supposed to be Square Enix with the rights to Kingdom Hearts Q_Q**_

_***lawyer pokes me again***_

_**PUT THAT THING AWAY! *leans over* She's wearing a pencil skirt guys. The lawyer is wearing a freaking pencil skirt. Shit's gettin' real...**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Nine: Put What Where for How Many Cookies?<strong>_

_**July 26, 2012 6:17 pm**_

Roxas poked out his bottom lip as far as it would go and crossed his arms, making the leather upholstery groan as he slumped down until his face was level with the glove box.

"I don't want to", he mumbled.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Tough titty Roxas. You need out of the house."

"I don't _want_ to", the blonde repeated. The older man sighed, unclicked his mate's seatbelt, and forcibly dragged Roxas into his lap.

"Come on babe", he coaxed, running his big hands up and down the blonde's thighs. "You've been getting moody because of the stuff about your mom. You've only taken breaks to write a couple of songs. You've barely eaten or slept. It's time to come away from it for a bit."

Roxas fidgeted. He knew his husband was right but that didn't stop the naked vulnerability, the lack of pixilated obsession that came when he stepped away from his laptop. "Well…did you have to invite _him_?"

Axel chortled, receiving a slap to his chest that stung through the dress shirt. "He's a good distraction at least."

"He's a moron."

"He's a—"

Their list of insults was cut short as the object of their ridicule smacked a pale palm against the window. The blonde outside pushed his cheek into the glass, making himself look vaguely like a large goldfish stuck in a small bowl.

"Demyx", Axel hollered, evicting his lover from his lap and slamming the door open. "Quit drooling on my car!"

The mullet-man smiled up at the two figures clambering out of the slate colored Lamborghini from where he'd landed on the asphalt. "Then quick necking where the whole world can see you", he shot back.

"We weren't", Roxas snapped, offended at the very idea of doing such a thing in public, especially outside of his favorite burger joint. Despite being rich, and famous, and accomplished, nothing satisfied a burger craving like Red Robin. "We were having a serious conversation!"

Demyx snorted as Axel clapped arms with him and hauled the gangly blonde to his feet. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Roxas glared as their friend skipped ahead. "I repeat: did you have to invite him along", he seethed through grit teeth.

Axel snickered as he linked fingers with his husband. "Oh come on. At least I didn't invite Yuffie."

The blonde shuddered.

"See? It's not so bad."

"Is so", Roxas pouted.

"Were you distracted?"

Blue eyes blinked slowly. He realized that in the past few minutes he hadn't…thought once about his mom or his laptop. "Uh…yeah."

"See there", Axel drawled. "Hubby knows best. Good Hubby. Responsible Hubby. _Understanding_ Hubby."

"Stop complimenting yourself", the shorter man snapped. "That's so fucking creepy…"

Axel wrinkled his nose. "I know. But you love me anyways."

They strolled up the steps as Demyx—who'd beaten them to the entrance—poked his head out and motioned impatiently. "Come _on_ guys. Hurry up."

When the hostess had them all seated—with orders taken and drinks on the way—Axel noticed that their tag-a-long was fidgeting.

"What's wrong with you?"

Demyx brought up his hands and bared his palms, black and gross from where he'd collided with the parking lot.

Roxas cringed. "Go wash. That'll get infected."

"I can't…"

"Why…?"

"Because he has an irrational phobia of public restrooms."

Roxas snorted and was about to laugh when he saw the serious expression on the other blonde's face. "Wait. Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously", Demyx hissed.

Roxas laughed anyway.

"Do you have any hand sanitizer?"

Axel fumbled around in his pocket. "Yeah dude, chill. I have some Purell." He then proceeded to squeeze a healthy dollop of the clear liquid into Demyx's outstretched hand.

Roxas watched the other blonde rub, and rub…and rub some more.

"Hey man, can I get some more of that? Nothing's happening."

Again, Axel leaned forward and more gel plopped into Demyx's palm.

And again, no progress seemed to be happening.

After one more try, Demyx gave the redhead a skeptical look and sniffed at his hands that were now slick and shiny, but nowhere near clean.

"Are you sure that's Purell?"

Now irritated himself, Axel shoved the bottle in his face. "Yes, I'm sure. See?"

Demyx glanced blankly at the bottle for a moment. Then his face reddened. Then he sputtered. Then he choked.

"_Dude!"_

Axel jerked his hand back, offended. "What?" The redhead glanced down at the tube in his hand then bit his knuckle. "Oh."

"Oh? _Oh_", their friend screeched. Luckily it was a Monday so there weren't that many people around. Still, Roxas leaned forward. "Shut _up_ Demyx. What's wrong?"

Axel, by this time, was resting his head on the table and quivering visibly. He managed to hand the tube over to Roxas though who scanned the title then promptly blushed himself. Instead of "Purell" it read "Pure Anal".

"Oh."

"Oh", Demyx squawked.

"Oh my…"

The redhead gurgled like a dying animal as he gasped and sat up, a few stray tears chasing down his cheeks. "Oh dude."

"Why are you even carrying that around!"

Instead of giving Demyx an answer, Axel curled into a fresh fit of giggles as he rocked back and forth. Roxas palmed his face and apologized for their behavior when the waitress floated by to drop off their drinks. She eyed them all suspiciously.

"Is everything alright over here?"

"It's fine", Roxas hastened.

"My ass", Demyx snarled.

Axel burst out laughing as the waitress hustled away. When the redhead finally recovered he wrapped an arm around Roxas's tense shoulders and pulled him close. "Sorry babe", he said between gasps. The other hand swiped at his tears.

Roxas groaned as he slumped in his seat, remembering exactly _why_ Axel carried it around. He couldn't work himself up to be as angry as he should have been. If anything, the gesture touched a chord deep inside. It paid to be prepared after all, and they hadn't been their first time.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_**November 1st, 2007; Evening**_

This was someone else in the redhead's lustful grip. It wasn't his body, these weren't his hands. Roxas was just an outsider looking in as his imposter and Axel necked like their very lives depended on it.

Tan hands glided over the clothed body clutching him, Axel's own large appendages kneading and palming Roxas's ass without pretense.

The blonde felt his thighs clench as their arousals coasted against one another with each jostling step towards the bedroom.

"Oomf!" Roxas gasped as his back hit the bed, the cool sheets bleeding through his soaked shirt. Axel fisted two hands in the folds and yanked sharply. The blonde bowed off the mattress and searched out Axel's demanding lips with his own, smothering his needy moans as their bodies continued to grind, push, sizzle in the heated air.

Blue eyes flew open with a keening whine as Axel's mouth descended on the sweat and rain-slicked bounty below him. His tongue left blistering wet trails as he adopted a graceful catlike stretch over the younger boy's body.

Roxas was functioning on pure instinct as the fiery sensation buzzed against his skin, leaving him high on the touch alone. He arched his back to give his lover more access.

"Ahn!"

Pearlescent teeth sunk into one of his taut nipples, rolling the pebbled flesh and lashing it with his tongue as he pinched the other. A throaty, primal groan welled up in Axel's chest, vibrating against Roxas and evicting a hoarse cry from him.

Axel left a trail of open-mouthed kisses as he slid further down Roxas's body until he reached the edges of more clothes. His fingers followed suit with light scratches that left whitened lines.

"Uhn…mm! Axe—" Twin slits of ice bulged then rolled back in Roxas's skull as he shot up and curled over Axel's head. The older boy growled again, turning his face to nip at the hot damp bulge that pulsed against his cheek through black slacks.

Musky peach. Clean cotton. Dirty, dirty rain.

Strong arms tensed as Axel braced his hands behind Roxas's knees, drawing them into a shaking apex while he guided the trembling teen down with another searing kiss. "Stay right there", he husked against Roxas's ear.

He pressed their bodies together as he tugged Roxas's legs to wrap around his lean waist. "Good boy." He pressed a wet kiss to the juncture between the blonde's neck and shoulder. When he felt the body beneath him relax, he smirked then bit down.

The effect was instantaneous. With Roxas positioned the way he was, he couldn't do anything but lay there and take the marking. Axel sucked hard, shaking his head a bit as his jaw worked to draw blood to the surface of tan skin.

"Uuh… the—_aaah_ bite me harder! _Ha_—", came the ardent hiss. Axel greedily complied.

He moaned himself when Roxas clawed desperately at his shirt, undoubtedly leaving angry red lines beaded by his blood. With a low chuckle Axel sat up, Roxas somehow still wrapped around him. He made quick work of his shirt while the blonde occupied his mouth with hungry, tongue-infused kisses.

Axel gasped when Roxas's blunt nails scoured a fresh trail of scratches over the ones he'd already created. The redhead laid them down carefully, Roxas's ankles locking at the small of his back and the heels of his feet digging against his spine to press them together.

His breathing was heavy before but this…

He buried his face next to the place he'd marked, inhaling the musky scent of arousal and cleanliness. Cleanliness that he was about to thoroughly ruin…and revel in every dirty second.

In a surprising moment of composure, Roxas fisted his hands in red spikes, yanking the taller boy's head back and tonguing at the ivory column in earnest. Axel's entire body jerked as a throaty moan was torn from the recesses of his soul when Roxas mirrored the marking that'd been used on the him.

Only Roxas broke the skin. Axel clenched the sheets around the body beneath him in an effort to control the urge that Roxas was stoking. It was Roxas's first time and yet…

All his thoughts scattered as a playful tongue swiped greedily at the little beads of red glistening on top of the teeth tracks.

He plopped his head down, breath weighing a ton as Roxas chuckled beneath him and squirmed. Instantly, Axel's hands came down to still the teen's hips as he raised himself up and eyed his lover.

"Patience love. If you keep that up, I'll be obligated to bully you."

Roxas's heavy lidded eyes still managed a glare.

"Just do something…come _on._" His back bowed off the mattress, their chests flush and hearts ramming against the other's skin.

Axel heeded the needy words as he slid down and propped Roxas's knees on his shoulders. The redhead fumbled with the buckle, hating the way his fingers shook.

"Fuck", he snarled, reaching into the back pocket of his slacks and flicking out his other switchblade. Roxas gasped at the sound of fabric tearing as the heated air wrapped around his (now naked) body. It still felt cold compared to his aroused fever though.

"Wha-wha…" He almost panicked. Cloth ripping. Expenses... Money he didn't have!

"Shh… baby shh. Your dad bought the suit anyway didn't he?"

At that reminder Roxas sagged into the mattress and let Axel finish. He hid a smile as he buried one side of his face into the pillow.

"No Rox. Look at me. I want you to watch."

Hazy blue drifted down then snapped away at the sight perching between his spread legs before being drawn right back like a magnet. Axel smirked, circling a lazy finger around the straining flesh that was propped against his cheek, in full _visible_ glory.

This was nothing like the lonely porn sessions Roxas used to suffer through.

"How do you want it?"

The blonde's Adams-apple bobbed as he tossed his head from side to side. "D-don't make me say it", he whined.

A copper brow rose as green eyes danced with mischief. "I'm trying to be gentle here. This is your first time so I'll let you call_ all_ the shots. I won't force you into anything."

The words slid like crushed velvet against Roxas's skin, drawing a full-body shudder from him as one hand came up to fist in Axel's fiery coif. He tugged, whimpering as he arched his back.

"That's not an answer Roxas", the taller boy chuckled. Truly this was all a ploy to buy time and allow himself to calm down. He really did want the blonde's first time to be special but with the way they'd been touching earlier he'd almost creamed himself. He'd wanted this for so long. His body could wait just a bit longer.

"Mouth or fingers Rox? You decide."

The blonde groaned and writhed but in the end, his flaring pride at the situation was quickly quenched. "M-mouth." He bit his knuckle to stifle the yelp when Axel nipped at the sensitive skin at his inner thigh. He scattered hungry bites all over the area before tracing his mouth down the angle, pausing to trickle kisses up the v surrounding Roxas's center.

Large hands came up to cage the tan torso, thumbs massaging around his navel in a way that ripped husky, ardent sobs from the boy trapped under him.

His own anticipation spiked when he felt the pulsing rigidity pressing against his chin, already slick and just begging for attention. He drew his mouth further downward. Roxas's manhood jerked and choked out a creamy stream of pre that dribbled down to coat around the veined pillar. Axel nuzzled his cheek against its side before blowing a cruel breath across the head then down the base.

His body spasmed as all thoughts scattered under Axel's exquisite torture. "P-p-please", blonde sobbed.

Roxas wasn't even sure if he was asking the redhead to stop or keep going anymore. Without wasting another second, Axel's mouth suctioned around the blushing tip, pulling it slowly into his wet heat. The blonde screamed, back bowing clear off the mattress before Axel's hands slammed his hips back down and pinned him more firmly.

"You just stay right there", the redhead growled.

With a breathy whimper, Roxas forced his body to sag back into the bed. Tears of passion leaked from his sore eyes as Axel returned to his sex, catering to it with pillowed lips and a lashing tongue. The redhead tilted his head forward suddenly, drawing the length into the recesses of his throat.

His esophagus burned as it stretched to accommodate the intrusion but Axel didn't pause to let the pain smash into him. He bobbed his head up to tease around the tip then slammed back down, taking Roxas further and reveling in how the blonde was leaking like a drippy faucet deep in his throat.

His thumbs resumed their circular motion around Roxas's bellybutton and his head head lolled, mouth hinged open in a silent scream as fiery chains coiled in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh…_God", _he barely managed to choke out. "Uhn!" There was nothing he could to do warn the redhead as his climax reared up like a tidal wave. His abdomen spasmed as his world splintered, leaving nothing but a blazing white that flickered across his hazy vision.

Instead of pulling back, Axel clenched his hands with bruising pressure on Roxas's hips as he allowed the creamy silk to coat his throat. When he felt his lover's sex softening Axel's mouth pulled and sucked at the quivering head until nothing was left.

He glanced up, green eyes molesting the sight of Roxas's heaving chest, incredulous blue blinking like he couldn't quite believe what had happened. The redhead crawled back up the smaller body and pressed his lips against the side of the sweet panting mouth, drawing him to turn into the kiss.

Roxas gasped at the salty taste of his own essence but granted Axel full access to plunder his mouth, breathing into the fierce kiss with equal hunger even though Axel had literally just blown his mind.

"Did you like it", the redhead murmured between kisses.

All Roxas could manage was a shaky nod as his arms tried to raise themselves to drape over the taller boy's neck.

"Hmm", he hummed. "Good. But we aren't done yet."

Roxas gulped as Axel pulled back and flipped him on his belly. A groan dripped from his lips when the redhead hooked one arm around his waist and arched his back up. His legs quivered then collapsed. It was then, he realized that Axel had propped a pillow under his stomach.

He felt utterly boneless as pale fingers massaged the twitching muscles on his back.

"Uhm…", he sighed, burying his face into the sheets. Axel smiled at the teen as he propped himself up on his knees and continued his menstruations. Expertly, he worked his fingers between Roxas's shoulder blades then ghosted them down to swirl around the small of his back.

The blonde moaned, feeling his sex twitch and swell between his thighs again. Axel grinned then worked his fingers lower as he gauged Roxas's reaction.

So far so good.

A deft hand hefted one of Roxas's ass cheeks, spreading him so that Axel could view the dark bud tucked between that secret cleft.

He glanced up again but saw nothing that said he couldn't continue. His pointer finger slid down the line, circling around the wrinkly blossom then further still until he could press against the blonde's taint. Roxas shuddered and stuffed part of the sheet in his mouth as Axel massaged there, occasionally trailing a blunt nail over his clenching ball sack.

"Hnn!" Roxas found the strength to jerk up when one of those deliciously devious hands found its way around his erection, stiff again like he hadn't just come minutes ago. Axel positioned himself behind the blonde, nudging his ass up a little more.

"Oh", he sighed. "Ohh…mm." The hand started a lazy pump, Axel's wrist twisting slightly with each downward stroke on his oversensitive flesh. "Ah!"

Roxas's voice broke as he quivered through another orgasm, soaking the pillow below him and Axel's fingers. His teeth started to chatter when he felt the large hand scoop up his mess and dribble it down the dip of his ass.

"Sorry Rox. I don't have any lube on me. This'll have to do."

Roxas couldn't find it in him to give a coherent reply but then, he didn't need to. A searing pain ripped through his lower back at that instant.

"Fuck", he screeched. "Ahhh, it hurts. Axe—", the blonde gasped and clawed at the sheets as Axel leaned over him.

"Shh…shhh, baby I know. Just bear with it for a second."

The pain intensified as something else invaded his body. Axel's free arm snaked under the boy's hips and pulled his ass up a little more while he crooned into Roxas's ear. A sharp pleasure wedged itself between the blonde's agony when a pale calloused hand stroked his flaccid penis back to full mast.

Roxas sobbed. But then…

"Ah!" Sparks exploded in front of his eyes as Roxas's abdomen contracted. The redhead smiled as he felt the blonde's erection twitch against his palm.

"There it is", he chuckled.

"Hnn…nn. Again. Do it…aga—ah!"

Axel made quick work of memorizing the prostate's location as he added a third finger and forced his hand to quiver, overriding the pain with a new sensation as his tongue dipped down to join the fray. Roxas's toes curled as he squeezed his eyes shut and slammed himself back against the intrusion.

"Ahh, right there! Ohgod_yes_…!"

Roxas hissed in protest when the digits suddenly removed themselves.

"You ready", Axel husked, ragged breaths fanning a tan dewy shoulder.

The blonde pressed his ass up again in answer, using his own power this time. The older boy felt a growl of anticipation bubble in his chest as he gripped himself and guided his throbbing sex to rest against Roxas's pucker. The blonde mewled at the teasing contact and tried to throw his weight back but Axel braced one hand between his shoulder blades and pushed him down.

"No Rox", he groaned. "You'll hurt yourself."

A whimper of impatience, then Roxas stilled, locking his body and forcing himself to relax through deep breathes. "Okay", he gasped.

Axel bit his lip as he balanced all his weight into the blushing dip. It protested valiantly at first but after a moment, the wrinkly bud parted to accommodate its intruder, stretching and clutching Axel's pulsing dick as he slithered deeper inside.

Slowly, inch by inch he fed himself into that tight heat, snapping his eyes shut so he could concentrate. "Breathe baby. Breathe", he grit out.

Roxas quivered under him but otherwise remained perfectly still as he obeyed.

The redhead's rasped out a curse as sweat beaded his brow. "In", he moaned. "I'm in…"

Roxas blinked through his own haze of agony, his tongue feeling thick as cotton as it prevented him from speaking. His voice crackled with a yelp though when Axel's hips slid back then swiveled forward again.

"Fuck, Roxas. So…tight…" Two more slow, measured thrusts.

"Move", the blonde snarled. "I need you to…move! Ah, _ahhh_!"

The heady sounds of sweat slicked bodies slapping against one another filled the small room, punctuated by grunts and moans and illicit sounds pleasure. Axel's piston increased as Roxas rose to his knees and draped his back over Axel's chest. He reached behind him to thread shaky fingers in sweaty red hair.

Axel groaned against sun-kissed skin, kissing, licking, biting, sucking; giving over to his basest desires as he drilled himself into Roxas's body.

Both boys were propped up now, and the new position caused Axel to coast into and over Roxas's bundle of nerves with every plunge. The rhythm was deep and fast as Axel's hands caressed and clutched Roxas's neck in a possessive way, teasing his chest.

Little sounds of need trickled from the blonde's lips. Down, down Axel went until he could pump Roxas's bobbing penis in time with his thrusts.

The blonde screamed as his third orgasm shredded his insides, the thick milky silk spurting out of his urethra and burning, burning, God it was so hot. He shuddered and Axel allowed him to collapse forward as he himself leaned over the tan body and rode out the orgasm while Roxas's walls clamped down around him.

"Axel" Roxas's moaned in a broken whisper, reaching behind him and fisting his hand in the red spikes again, tugging the taller boy closer. "Oh, Axel…"

That was his undoing. With a hoarse shout, Axel yanked himself free and curled over as he fisted himself to completion. Moments later, he was on his back again with Roxas on top of him. The boy dragged his tongue in a hot trail down Axel's body until he reached the mess on his abdomen.

Roxas pulled back curiously as he dipped a finger into the gooey substance, tapping it with his thumb and stretching the drop of cum into a thin line. With a twist of his lips, Roxas opened his mouth and flicked his tongue across it.

Axel groaned. "Are you trying to kill me kid?"

Roxas scrambled up and dipped his head between their bodies. Sure enough, little Axel twitched proudly back to life.

The blonde glanced up at Axel again, his expression playful.

"Well don't just stare—oh my…" The redhead sank his teeth into his lower lip until he could taste blood—all smart ass comments forgotten while Roxas continued his lascivious attentions, lapping up every bit of white he could find.

"My turn", Roxas husked.

Axel smiled down at him as he cupped the boy's chin in his hand. "Anything you want."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Axel tugged Roxas to him as they kissed again and again; with teeth and tongues and swollen, bruised lips. The blonde's legs shifted to cradle Axel's large, pale body. It was instinct now.

There was no fumbling. No awkwardness. The two lovers had taken great pains to learn the other's bodies, to find the exact spots where they could push and pull until both minds were overloaded with a cornucopia of emotion or sensation.

After taking the blonde's virginity, Axel made sure that all Roxas could feel was pleasure. There had been no time to make it beautiful, no time for lube or proper preparation but after the first time, he'd taken it slow. He'd conditioned Roxas's body to respond to him in all the right ways, just as he was doing now.

The blonde mewled as Axel pinned his hips in place. He rocked their naked bodies together as he nipped and teased Roxas's chest; hot flesh against slick, hot flesh. All the blonde could do was take it.

And take it he did. Roxas's spread those beautiful thighs wider and beckoned Axel into his body, arching so Axel could thrust in to his hilt. The smaller boy smiled through a moan as Axel laced his fingers under the nape of Roxas's neck, massaging, cradling like he was something precious.

He jolted though, when the redhead aimed for his spot on purpose. "Look at me Roxas", he husked against the trembling ear he pressed his lips to. "Look at me while I take you."

When the he pulled back, two shards of heated ice were cracked open and trained solely on him as their bodies undulated and slapped and moved in the most primal dance known to man.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The two lovers were falling deep, escaping from their own painful realities for a few blissful moments as they plunged again and again into each other's souls. Roxas could think of nothing at that time. Nothing but the pale, lean expanse of Axel stretched under him as he rode the redhead slow and deep. Nothing but Axel as he loomed over the blonde and took for himself what no one else ever had.

Nothing but Axel moaning. Nothing but Axel breathing and thrusting and sweating and thrumming with the searing heat of life as he made love to Roxas countless times.

Later though, later Roxas would think of this. And he would bite his lips and try to joke, saying that he was still sliding somewhere over that rainbow, with no end in sight. And that he never looked back.

Or some such drivel.

But the truth was, he couldn't smile when he thought of his painful first time. Because he did look back. And he did panic when he thought about if he'd known all the new, fresh, ugly pains he'd have to face when he stepped out of that bedroom—_their_ bedroom that smelled like sweat and sex and Axel…he would have just kept having sex until it'd killed him.

It was a drug that kept the phantoms at bay as Axel's hot body plundered his sanity.

But the fateful morning came, the harsh reality kicking in. There was school to return to. Bills to pay. A life that he'd have to confront, however bad it was about to get.

From that morning on, there was no such thing as parents who protected their children. There was no such thing as a perfect prince charming who could sex away any and all problems. And there was most certainly not even an inkling of some asshole bug who tells you to 'let your conscience be your guide'.

No. Things were about to get ugly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Heh. Long time coming huh? x3 eeeeh~ I'm still pretty excited though. Hella crazy shiz on the way yo. xD I'm really not confident about this sex scene but hey, I got it out. Aren't you guy spoiled :DDD I'm super-updater Hachi person!<strong>_

_**Whoo! Totally pumped now! *staggers to couch* Oh and by the way, many apologies for any inevitable typos you may inevitably encounter in this here chapter...almost spelt chapter wrong LOL... =_= Meh. I'll fish them out tomorrow.**_

_**:3 Thanks for reading~**_


	11. Chapter 10: The Morning After

**_Shu shu shu~ I feel like a veggie today. You know, I always said save the cows, eat the vegetarians but lately... meh. Nevermind xD No songs were used in the chapter and uh...Fuck! Just read already x33_**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Ten: The Morning After<strong>_

Roxas cleared his throat awkwardly as Axel took a seat on the bed. It dipped under his weight, but didn't groan and creak and…_sing_ like it had the last time both males had occupied its cushy surface. And the time before that. And the time before that….

They were both in varying degrees of clothing now, having decided it was ample time for a break. Axel chose to just laze about in pajama bottoms that rode up to his shins while Roxas opted on a more sedate t-shirt and flannel pant ensemble.

The blonde avoided his lover's eyes. It was a pride thing. Who was that before? That wasn't him. It couldn't have been him. Roxas was calm and composed. He wasn't that writhing, moaning, slutty mess that Axel reduced him to. That was someone else.

"Rox?"

How were two people…two friends supposed to act after the passion died? After the sex, the embarrassment, after the delirium and haze that came when one lost themselves in their dirtiest, most hedonistic desires. How were they supposed to act when there was no need to touch, when there was now a chance to talk. What was there to talk about?

Certainly not parents, or lack thereof on both sides. Roxas didn't need to worry about keeping Axel from home. School? No…there wasn't much there they could discuss either. It was too soon to think about daily activities like that. Too soon for normal.

"Rox? Hey, are you okay?"

They couldn't go back. How many days had they spent in here? How many times had they…?

Axel didn't look as stiff as the smaller boy. No, he looked like the perfect portrait of nonchalance like they'd done this…

Of course it was natural now. Roxas had been molded, trained by muscle memory, by those large hands.

Axel scratched his scalp and scowled at the plethora of emotions flitting across Roxas's face. There was something wrong. He'd managed to break down that wall, to help his frie—his _**lover**_ escape the pain he was feeling but it seemed some of that was coming back now. With a vengeance.

He tried to soothe the overt tension by sliding a hand over to cup Roxas's thigh. There were no coiled muscles like he expected…no reaction at all actually. Green eyes narrowed as his face crinkled with a deeper frown.

"What was I _thinking_", Roxas groaned, his exterior finally crumbling as he dropped his face into his palms. After the couch, they'd proceeded to christen every square inch of carpet, the shower, and only half the kitchen counters. He must've looked like such pathetic moron, carrying on like that. Even now his body throbbed eagerly at the memories of their not so distant past.

It wasn't just his body that had been stripped bare by their…activities though. No, Axel was now privy to a part of him that Roxas himself chose not to acknowledge most of the time.

Unbeknownst to the distraught teen, the redhead flinched and made to scoot away for coming to a conclusion of a much different sort.

It had been a mistake. All of it.

"Axel I'm—"

He should've never given in. He should've tried harder to fight the blonde off.

"—so sorry. I—"

It was his fault. Now they couldn't even be friends. Now Roxas was going to push him out of his life forever.

"—don't know how to say this but…"

I hate you. Get out. Go away. Here it comes…

"Axel…was it good for you?"

Hold up.

The redhead opened his eyes from where he'd scrunched them closed in an effort to barricade himself somewhat from the coming assault…that apparently wasn't coming. Axel blinked.

"Huh?"

"Was it…I mean… were you…did I…" Roxas trailed off, frustrated as he rolled one of his shoulders and poked out his lip. Rethinking that gesture, he drew it back in and teethed the soft flesh anxiously, not noticing the sharp gasp that simple action elicited from the other male. "I didn't disappoint you did I", he mumbled, mussing the pressed gold he had yet to gel in place.

Axel blinked again. "Roxas?"

The blonde glared at the far wall in pointed refusal to meet his gaze so Axel reached out and cupped his chin, steering his face around. "Roxas", he husked, a rakish grin spreading on his lips. "Hell, lemme give you the rundown."

Roxas flinched but didn't pull away as Axel scooted closer and gathered the smaller boy into his lap, tucking the blonde's head under his chin as he started rocking back and forth.

"Hot guy plus bruised body minus the absence of seething fury for a certain father figure (damn my devious lips anyways)", Roxas cringed as the equation became exponentially more absurd, "divided by the square root of pulsing lust equalssss … hot Roxas buttsex on many odd surfaces. _**Hot**_. Roxas. Butt. Sex."

The blonde squawked and tried to squirm out of Axel's lap but the older boy was having none of it. "Oh no. There'll be no insecurities in this bed, Meguriaukagi."

"D-Don't say it out loud you idiot", the smaller boy hissed. "D-d…gah!" Roxas gave up and curled himself into a ball, burying his face in Axel's shoulder as he shivered from the illicit touches that ghosted over his sides.

All joking pretenses erased from Axel's tone as he laid their foreheads together and gazed into searing blue with sincerity. "I, for one, thought it was great. There's nothing you need to be ashamed of. You don't need to hide from me."

"I'm not hiding", Roxas muttered.

He felt the taller boy's chest rumble with a chuckle. "Of course, it wasn't the best I've had. But nobody is ever perfect their first time. And you've…gotten better", he murmured slyly as he dragged appreciative eyes over the marks he'd scattered on the juncture of Roxas's throat, down past the line of the t-shirt where he knew the path continued.

Sensing the scrutiny wasn't just physical, Roxas blew a petulant raspberry as he was finally relinquished from the tender hold. "So, what? Practice makes perfect or something?"

Axel leaned back on the bed and grinned, propping his chin up with one arm. "Or something", he drawled as his eyebrows wiggled suggestively.

The blonde shot to his feet. "I…Uh…tea. Tea sounds good." He turned on his heel and hustled out the open door as Axel was left to sprawl on the mussed sheets.

"You want any", he heard the distant holler echo down the hall.

"I'm good", he shouted back.

Axel buried his face in the fabric bunched around him like he'd wanted to back then as he whispered, "So good." When a few minutes passed and the happy tones of the microwave droning to life reached his ears, the tall boy busied himself with a casual observation of the new layout in Roxas's room.

He'd seen the old place and felt disturbed by the blatant lack of personal touches before but this room…it was…almost empty. Axel hadn't had time to look around him when they were doing the deed, his whole focus being on Roxas and their finis. Now, he wished the shorter boy would come back and distract him from this impersonal place that could have been a room anywhere. It was Spartan.

And not the muscle bound Hollywood warriors in leather undies and sweeping capes type.

There was nothing hanging on the white walls; no posters for favorite bands, no pictures, or even a generic painting. Only a minimal furniture accommodation; a computer desk against the far wall with a medium sized window looming above, the simplistic bed that he was lazing on; both were littered strategically throughout the small space to give an illusion that it was bigger. A small beside table resided to his right, the clock he'd walked in on Roxas bawling over resting there like some sort of softly ticking witness.

No T.V. No stereo. Just marginal everything because it was like the kid was afraid to express himself, like Roxas wanted a place where he could pack up in a couple of hours and be gone if the need arose.

Even the clothes...Roxas had trashed nearly everything from his old room.

"_Wait, Roxas stop. What are you do—"_

_The hand Axel placed on Roxas's tan shoulder quivered from the boy's silent sobs as he buried his face in a shirt that had been folded neatly not seconds before._

"_I…c-can't do this. I can't stand the thought of pulling on a shirt and smelling the soap she used…"_

Lips drew into a tight line as Axel threw an arm over his eyes. It did nothing to block the memory of that soul-deep anguish that was completely foreign to him.

"_H…her fing-ers…they used to do this stupid thing after she folded and ironed. She'd run her hand", he stretched the shirt taught until tiny ripping sounds could be heard, "down it. Then she'd pat the stupid pile….fuck!"_

_Axel snatched the boy to his chest and held him there as sobs ripped from the deepest recesses of his grief. Such little things like a mother's touch on clothes; Roxas knew that now and, Axel thought bitterly, wished he didn't._

_So following his instinct, Axel closed off his heart so the shriveled thing wouldn't tear open. The second verse, curses carving ears and the smoky, scratchy melody of Roxas's cries lingered._

The redhead sat up and glared at the open door as he got to his feet. What was taking him so long? It was just tea for chrissakes.

Scratching his chin, Axel ambled forward but his heart clenched as his eyes paused on something small, rectangular, and unobtrusive resting on Roxas's desk. The iPod… the tiny music player that had been the catalyst for them getting closer. The thing that spoke volumes for who Roxas really was better than poetry…words could ever hope to express.

He reached out to touch it.

"Hey."

Green eyes snapped towards the doorway as he retracted his hand and strode forward to help with the heavy tray in Roxas's arms.

"Wow", was all Axel could manage.

The blonde blushed. "W…well…neither of us has really eaten anything and sandwiches are quick! Don't give me that look."

"What look, my happy little home maker?"

"Shut up! Fine, I'm taking these back. I'll eat them myself."

Axel grinned as he held the tray out of his short lover's reach. "Me thinks not, love."

He turned, burden in hand, and set the thing down on the bed before facing Roxas again. "Thank you." Large hands cupped the blonde's nape as he pressed a tender kiss into Roxas's hair.

The shorter boy coughed and patted Axel's head before stepping around him and sitting carefully on the bed, taking his own cup of tea and one of the sandwiches off the platter.

"Sho", Axel mumbled around a mouthful of his own meat and cheese stacked snack, "I guesh thish meansh", he swallowed the bite with a healthy swig of tea. "I can say—"

"Don't you dare fucking say it."

"Cool story babe. Now go make me a sandwich?"

Roxas growled but downed the rest of his food and drink without comment. When Axel had done the same, the blonde herded their dishes into a pile and lugged the tray back to the kitchen before he made his return.

Axel grinned up at his reentry. God, he looked so…

Roxas swallowed and glanced away. "What are you staring at?" A hot fever crept over his tanned skin as he shifted his weight, pajama clad legs rustling softly with the movement.

"You."

Blue eyes flicked over at the handsome redhead sprawled on his bed then away again as Roxas swallowed thickly. "S-stop it."

"You don't want me to stop though."

A shiver zipped up his spine at the difference in the redhead's tone; it was low now, sultry and smoky. In his peripherals, Roxas saw Axel beckon him with one finger.

"Come here." Axel's thoughts were taking on a naughty vibe as he noticed his small lover shudder. A grin cracked his lips. "Come here Roxas."

The blonde squared his shoulders. "I don't want to. We need to rest."

"_You_ need to rest is more like it. I won't do anything, just come lay beside me." To punctuate his point Axel rolled onto his side and opened his arms, patting lightly at the space next to him.

Roxas's feet obeyed the gentle command before he could really grasp that he was shuffling across the carpet. "Promise you won't do anything?" Before he could receive an answer, Roxas flumped heavily into the mattress and turned where his back was facing the redhead.

Axel hummed with contentment as he spooned behind the smaller boy. "I won't, I promise. Just relax love."

Roxas stiffened when he felt contrary fingers spider up the hem of his shirt. "Axel", he growled.

"Shh. Let me do this at least."

After a few moments the blonde's body sagged with a low moan as the heat of Axel's palm rubbed smooth, soothing circles on his belly.

"Everything's gonna be okay baby." The words were a low whisper, heavy with exhaustion. Roxas blinked at the tenderness of this moment, as if just now realizing what they were doing. Baby…it was a word they'd used to call for each other during sex. But there was no sex now, just comfortable companionship. Laying here like this was somehow far more intimate than any of the racy activities they'd partaken in previously.

What were they now? Were they a thing? Were they d-dating? Or was this all just some grand distraction that—

Axel's hands went still as the damp breath against the back of Roxas's neck lulled to a slow rise and fall. Pink lips quirked into a smile. The redhead was more exhausted than he was, no doubt. Roxas struggled against the urge to stretch, marveling at the natural way they were just…being. It left him feeling giddy, like a bottle of soda had been shaken up then popped open inside his body. His skin was humming and fizzling.

A soft gasp escaped him when Axel's thigh nudged between his legs and pulled him closer with a sleepy rumble.

He glanced at the clock ticking on his bedside table. "Is it okay mom? Can I do this", he whispered.

It kept ticking, a silent observer that neither knew of the human struggles Roxas was now facing…nor caring.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Blue eyes fluttered open with a stuttering pant as warm kisses pressed against his clothed shoulder. "Axe…" The blonde groaned as the wet heat of the taller boy's mouth suctioned over his shirt and tugged at it a little.

"Hello to you too."

Axel coaxed the boy around until Roxas was lying on his back. The blonde spread his thighs and Axel slid between them, littering more kisses up the column of Roxas's throat before coming to rest at the lips that were quickly becoming his new religion. "Mm", he droned when Roxas's hands rose to coast along to contours of his naked chest, thumbs grazing against his dusky nipples. "Hey now", he purred. Roxas grinned up at him as Axel dipped his head down.

Their exchange was slow, but no less heated as tongues flicked and lips massaged lazily against each other. A throaty groan bubbled from deep within the redhead as he pulled back and slid his mouth up to caress Roxas's temple with reverence.

The smaller boy whined breathily and closed his eyes. One thing was for sure, he could get used to waking up like this. The shadows of evening stretched into the small room as both males rose from their comfortable position with respective yawns. Roxas snaked a hand under his shirt and ran his fingers absently over his stomach as he blinked what little grogginess there was away.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?"

His Adam's-apple bobbed as Roxas swallowed. "As ready as I'll ever be." A smoky laugh forced its way out of his mouth, sounding every bit as fake as it felt.

"It'll be okay. You've still got a day or two before school and Cid's good people. He'll take care of you."

Cid, from what Roxas had been told, was a long standing friend of Axel's. He was the boss of the service station Axel'd pulled strings to get him hired at. Blue eyes met green and a smile curved Roxas's lips in spite of himself. When Axel looked at him like that he could almost believe it. When Axel surrounded him with his legs, his arms, his presence…he could almost believe.

"It's going to be tough."

Axel brooked no argument. It was going to be tough, but at least he was still a minor. The government would help until he was eighteen but after that; in only a few short months Roxas was going to have to shoulder the rent for this place, living expenses, and anything else that happened to arise. Axel cocked his head. At least Roxas's douchebag of a father paid the funeral expenses. There was one thing off the boy's plate at least.

But living was far more expensive than paying for the restful dead. Roxas was going to have to juggle that, a part time job, school….The redhead made a mental note to bring over more coffee next time he visited.

Both boys shook their heads simultaneously, having wandered into the same line of thinking. Axel grinned but Roxas didn't return the gesture, instead opting for a silent study of the male in front of him.

After a moment a raspy chuckle trickled from the boy's lips and he grabbed his head, expression incredulous as his body started shaking. Concerned, Axel took Roxas's hand into his own and gave a reassuring squeeze. When their gazes locked this time, there were no words spoken. The volts of carnal electricity zipping through their bodies, evidence of what they'd done, already spoke volumes.

Roxas cared for Axel, and the redhead felt the same.

"What a jip…"

"Hm?"

Roxas scoffed, disgusted with his sudden, disturbingly female mentality. No, Axel didn't make him feel elated. Axel didn't make him feel stronger. Every time Roxas caught the green of those cat-like eyes he was left feeling like he'd just been slugged in the solar plexus. Yeah, just because he'd taken it up the ass, Roxas wouldn't let himself be the weak one here. He couldn't be anymore. He'd have to take care of himself from now on. He'd have to…

The blonde yelped as Axel snatched him into a fierce embrace. A snarl fell sharp from his lips as he stroked a hand through Roxas's hair, letting the agonized groans dribble from the trembling boy.

"It's okay to hurt. It's okay. You're not weak for not wanting to be alone. I'm here." Axel rocked from side to side again, an action which he'd found catered to the smaller boy and helped him feel safe. "I'm here", he breathed against the shell of Roxas's ear. "You're not alone."

Roxas's heartbeat was wild as his sobs came out grudging and strangled, he loathed every one. "Wh-when will it stop", he moaned, molten tears chasing down his fevered face. "I don't want to be this way."

"Probably never. But it'll hurt less. Give it time." Axel gathered his charge closer, not bothered by the dampness on his shoulder as Roxas burrowed there. The taller boy contented himself with running his thumb over the smooth curve of one cheek. After a few minutes of hissed curses and gulps for air Roxas finally calmed down again, allowing his heart and breathing to synchronize with the one holding him.

With a grunt, Roxas clambered out of the taller boy's lap and rose on shaky legs. "'m go take a shower", he mumbled, mussing his hair with one hand.

Axel propped himself on his back with his elbows as he eyed the blonde. "Wanna take one together?"

Roxas halted his movements. "What did you say?"

Axel blinked as if the smaller boy had just swallowed something hazardous. "Shower. Take together. Want me to scrubbus your gluteus?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Last time you did that, I didn't get clean."

Axel stuck his tongue out and the blonde, riding a sudden impish impulse, leaned down and bit it. Hard. He tensed and groaned, tugging Roxas back down straddle his hips. Tan hands raked through his spikey, fiery locks and pulled his head back.

"Mm…see?" Roxas licked up his neckline and stopped to nibble at his chin, loving the way the taller boy's breath quickened. "We're not even there and you're still distracting me." Axel's hands flexed around and clutched the small hips in his grasp, holding them in place as he dry humped against the swelling bulge between Roxas's legs with a low moan. The friction was a sweet distraction for a time, but not sweet enough.

Roxas pulled back and propped his elbows on Axel's shoulders so that he couldn't lean forward and bite the lip the blonde was teething.

"You, my little knight in shining whatever, are going to stay right here."

Axel raised a brow and a rakish grin painted across his face as he pulled the blonde back down so their bodies were flush against one another once more. Roxas gasped.

"And if I don't", he husked, dragging his tongue across the jerking pulse hungrily.

"Nn..mm!"

"What's wrong? Axe got your tongue?"

Roxas moaned into the kiss that Axel coaxed him into.

All thoughts scattered as he cradled one hand behind the blonde's neck and pulled him forward, massaging and raking blunt nails over the soft nape. Teeth grazed, tongues skimmed and twined, caged between wet lips. Chills rose.

Sounds ripped from Roxas's throat, startling in their foreign need. The blonde clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle them. Irritated, Axel nibbled on those blocking fingers and pulled the hand away slowly with his teeth.

"Don't. I want to hear your voice."

Before Roxas knew it Axel flipped them over. His mouth drew searing patterns over sun-kissed skin, laving greedily at the salty dampness that pooled with rising anticipation; delving, searching, teasing, pleasing. The blonde writhed, unable to get enough as primal fire licked through him. With a gasp and a shudder, Roxas sagged into the mattress barely registering the shucking of his clothes. That is, until the cold of the room invaded and overrode his desire.

"Fuck! Axel!"

The redhead hovered over his squirming lover, humming. "What?" Green eyes batted innocently down at Roxas as a sharp slap stung his naked stomach.

"Look what you did! Look! My shit shrunk! I look like a toddler."

Axel leaned to the side and chuckled, much to the blonde's chagrin.

"Excuse me, this isn't funny! Fix it!"

His eyes glinted like muted jewels as he turned back and rubbed himself against the expanse of naked flesh beneath him.

"I'll fix you alright." He descended back on Roxas's body like a ravenous predator as he distributed his weight deliciously. Roxas walked his fingers down the taller boy's spine and felt him shudder, lips quirking in smug satisfaction.

"Like that do you?"

Axel bucked his hips cruelly and nibbled the fleshy lobe or Roxas's ear, pulling it between his sharp teeth and rolling it, sucking it.

"Wai… ah… n-not there! No, Axel hang o…ahnn!"

"Like that do you?"

Roxas could only choke out a gritty moan so the redhead kissed the tip of the blonde's nose and smiled devilishly. There was another rush of air which wasn't quite so unpleasant as he flipped the smaller boy onto his stomach. Fear suddenly curled in the pit of Roxas's stomach as he craned his neck to glance over his shoulder. Axel rose above him, bracing one arm so that he could keep balanced while he fumbled with his pajamas and boxers.

"What are you—"

"Shh. There's still one more surface we have to break in."

He pressed himself into the dip of Roxas's soft ass and swiveled his clothed hips just so, drawing a stuttering gasp from the blonde.

"Hnn!"

Roxas trembled at the heat of Axel's sex, hard and straining through the fabric as it throbbed with a life of it's own.

No further protests were offered as they rushed to the bathroom, easing themselves into the hot water and groping each other like they'd gone without a taste for years. Axel gripped Roxas's thighs and guided them around his waist as he spread soap on his erection. He used one hand to guide himself against Roxas's pucker, allowing his weight and the smaller boy's legs to do most of the supporting.

Roxas arched against the tile, trying to guide his lover. "Axe...l. Don't t-tease. Need you."

"Where?"

"I...n. Inside, mm."

"Open your eyes."

When Roxas complied Axel watched as the smaller boy's face twisted and flushed at the invasion of his ass, still swollen from prior romps.

"Oh...nn. D-deeper. Baby, deeper", Roxas whimpered.

With a single, gut-wrenching slam Axel set their pace; hard, fast, unforgiving. The blonde cried out and locked his ankles around Axel, keeping him as close as their slippery bodies would allow. Axel cupped the soft curve of Roxas's ass in both hands, using the momentum to their advantage as he pressed his mouth against Roxas's dewey shoulder to muffle the sounds he was making. A husky moan escaped however, when blunt nails scoured his tender back.

"Hm! Just like this Rox. Just...like this." His hips jerked in a savage thrust, drawing a whine from the smaller boy. "God...so good. So good. Uhn..."

The slaps of their bodies meeting echoed in the small space and richochetted back, but the sound was lost as each male drowned in the searing, mind-numbing pleasure.

When they were both spent Axel eased the blonde down and dutifully scrubbed Roxas clean, savoring the way the smaller boy slumped, fit perfectly against him. A blind hand reached for the knob and squeaked it off when he felt the water run cold.

The redhead wrapped his bundle in soft terry-cloth before draping a towel over his own hips and gathering Roxas into his arms once more. He carried the boy back into his bedroom, rubbing his scalp dry and helping him into fresh pajamas before tucking him in bed.

Still dripping himself, Axel crawled over the blanket and rubbed Roxas's back until his breathing slowed with slumber. He waited a few minutes until he was absolutely sure the smaller boy wouldn't wake up before rising and drying himself completely. Axel cast around for his clothes and pulled them on, despising the icy feel as they slid over his skin.

He wanted nothing more than to crawl into that bed and curl against Roxas; warm, sleeping, peaceful Roxas. But he'd been here too many days already. He had things to do.

Like a shadow, the redhead slipped from the room and out the door. When he reached into the mailbox outside, Axel curled his lip despite knowing what he'd find there. It had been happening for a couple of days now. Somehow they'd gotten ahold of Roxas's number too but as soon as Axel picked up on it, he'd shut the damn thing off and refocused all his efforts into distracting Roxas with his body. But that could only go on for so long before threats weren't enough anymore. Axel tore the hateful message in half and stuffed it in his pocket before stalking down the staircase and into the night.

Roxas, ignorant to it all, frowned and hugged the pillow that smelt like his lover close with a sleepy murmur.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The alarm screamed shrilly in Roxas's ear as a blind hand groped around the nightstand until finding the infernal contraption. With a swift and surprisingly precise blow for so early in the morning, Roxas smacked the snooze button. He laid there a moment, face first against the soft warmth of his pillow.

He'd dreamt of her again. The images were hazy, the touches and sounds like a silent movie. Roxas rose and blinked at the canvas of white hovering an inch below his nose. Nope. They were gone now. He scowled and sat up with a yawn, scratching at his head as he looked around.

It took him a second to realize he was alone. A second more to realize…he didn't like it.

"Axel?" The blonde swung his legs over the side of the bed, despising the part of himself that was starting to panic. "Axel", he called again, louder this time. Roxas shuffled down the hall, not hearing the shower running so thinking that he might be in the kitchen. He was wrong.

"A...Axe…l…" The small boy hugged himself as his eyes started to prickle. "F…fucker. No. Stop. You're fine. So what if he l-left…So what." Roxas shook himself and smacked both his cheeks with a dark scowl before padding into the kitchen. He glanced at the clock. His first shift started at five. It was only about eleven now but he'd need the ample amount of time it took to get his affairs sorted.

The coffee pot gurgled to life as Roxas stepped around to haul open his fridge. His hand stopped short however when he noticed the note.

_Hey you!_

_If you're reading this you've undoubtedly avoided a minor breakdown in between cursing my sorry ass six ways to Sunday. Oh well. It's cool. Good luck on your first day. I told Cid to be nice but his bark is far worse than his bite. Trust me._

_I don't know how long I'll be out but I can promise I'll be back before the hickey on your ass fades. Heh. Remember that one?_

_Anywho, don't do nothin' I wouldn't do!_

_-Axel_

Roxas snorted as he crumbled the note in his fist until it trembled. His jaw ached as he clacked his teeth together. Food. He needed food. If Axel wanted to disappear that was his business. Roxas sure as hell wasn't going to push him into doing any more than he was already doing for him. His pride wouldn't allow it.

Even as he turned with his cup of coffee in hand though and dragged his eyes around the apartment that suddenly seemed much larger than it really was, Roxas couldn't squelch the hope that Axel would be back sooner rather than later.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"You're a fuckin' animal, you know that?"

Axel chuckled as he shifted the cigarette to the middle of his lips and thumbed the flint. He cupped the small flame and took a deep drag around the glowing end as it crackled to life. Axel held the smoke in his lungs for a second before releasing it with a grateful sigh.

Cid quirked a flaxen brow and poked one of the visible bite marks that were scattered over the pale expanse of the kid's skin. "Found yourself another one by the looks of it. And you were doin' so damn well in school. When are you goin' back?"

Again, Axel didn't respond as he reclined back against the frigid brick. "Thanks for the cig."

Cid grunted around his own as he plucked it from his mouth and flicked some ash into the cylindrical bin by his side. "Are fuckin' you sure you don't want me to tell him you've been by?"

Axel glared off down the road, at lawns frosted by the morning's chill and the occasional car that drove by. They were in front of the service station, the sky just starting to paint itself over with oranges and pinks as the sun poked over the horizon.

"I'm sure. And if I don't come back—"

"Don't fuckin' talk like that to me", the older man growled. "You're not like your dad boy. You're not that stupid."

Axel's chest rose and fell in an indulgent chuckle. "Sometimes I wonder…"

"If you don't come back, I'll fuckin' send Vincent in after your ass. Don't make me do that."

"I'm not askin' you to save me Cid. I'm just a nobody, okay? All I'm askin' is that you to take in another misfit, one who deserves the care you give."

"Can't fuckin' say no to you brats. You know, my life would be so damn easy if I wasn't keepin' a constant eye out for you stupid punks."

Axel squared his shoulders and nibbled the butt of his cigarette as he pushed off of the wall. "I know. And this stupid punk is…well…" The redhead cleared his throat. "Thanks…"

At the uncharacteristic gratitude Cid's eyes narrowed. "Axel", he warned.

But the redhead was already off, strolling down the cracked sidewalk with his leather jacket wrapped tight around him and a dangerous glint in his eye. The streets…they seasoned these kids and jaded them until they were bitter, more than their seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years.

Cid palmed his face, feeling every one of his own as age settled heavily around his eyes. There was only so much he could do. The waiting, the watching was all he seemed capable of most of the time though.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"S-stop! I swear I don't know anything!"

Cold steel flashed in the early shadows of evening as Axel pressed his knife against the other boy's jugular. "Don't fuck with me. I know you know where he's hiding and I'd really appreciate your cooperation." It had taken him all day to find this fucker. "My patience is running thin, you know?"

The peroxide-blonde cried out as he was slammed harder against the wall and felt the first warm trickle of blood as Axel's dagger coaxed his answer.

"I…r-really…He'll _kill_ me if I—"

"You're a gamblin' man", Axel drawled in his ear. "So let me present you with something you can't refuse."

Luxord Toki choked and gasped as the pressure was finally released. His relief was short lived however when Axel spun him around and herded him back. "Either you tell me, or I paint the walls of this putrid fuckin' alley with your life. Die now, or die later", Axel shrugged. "The choice is yours."

The taller boy picked at one of his nails with the tip that, moments before, poised to do the promised deed.

"Sh-Shibuya."

"_Where_?"

"Down on C-center Gai. I don't know why but the boss seems to have a lot of interest there lately."

Axel examined the end of one finger before pricking it and dragging the bead of crimson across Luxord's trembling cheek. "I'm going to let you walk now because I know you're going to go scampering back to your boss", he spat out the last word like it was something foul. "I'll give you an hour to tell him I'm coming."

The peroxide-blonde gave him a look close to awe. "You're one crazy son of a bitch."

"Move."

Without another word the other boy shoved past him and scrambled out of the alley. Axel watched him go with a grin. Yeah. He was crazy, he was an animal. He was many things.

But at the end of the day only one of those things burned hotter than the rest. He was a fighter, plain and simple.

They were going to settle this, mano y mano. Before the sky darkened, one of them would breathe their last.

Axel threw back his head and laughed as a faint siren screamed to life in the distance.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Vincent snapped his phone shut with a heavy sigh as he browsed the shops with a neutral eye. His intel told him that it was somewhere around here.

"_Don't let me down Vinnie. That boy doesn't fuckin' deserve all the shit he gets dragged through but there's nothing we can do if he dips his hands in death. There's no goin' back from that."_

Vincent scratched his chin with a scowl as he slipped the phone back into his pocket. He knew Axel in passing, but Cid had a soft spot for the brat. Always had. And the retired pilot rarely asked for anything, much less with that tone in his voice. Hence why Vincent—who hated cold weather like the plague—was currently wading his ass through the thronging crowd, trying to spot those familiar fiery spikes.

A crash sounded to his left and Vincent almost gave himself whiplash as he spun to take a look. It was only a drunken pair of bozos with ties around their heads as they stumbled and hollered down the road.

Vincent rubbed his mouth and cocked his hip as he glared at all the people. How the hell was he—

A shock of red and black, distinct from the glaring neon above dodged through the crowd with a methodical lope. Vincent exhaled with relief. "Thank God."

He hustled after the teen, Axel ignorant to his new follower as his eyes trained ahead; sharp, focused, and glittering with every bit of insanity that warped his mind like armor.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Xigbar's head lolled back as he grinned drunkenly at a group of girls passing by. The others gathered around him leered and slurred his silent appreciation. They quickened their pace.

Luxor fidgeted in his seat as he glanced around. "Uh…boss?"

"For the last time", the scarred boy groused. "He's too much of a pussy to take us on with an audience. The fucker's flashy but he's not stupid." Xigbar gestured to the milling crowd around him. "You said an hour? How long has it been already? Axel wouldn't dare—"

"Boss, you didn't see him. I—"

Xigbar slammed his fist on the plastic table. "I, what?"

The gambler tensed visibly, as did the rest of the group as they all sized up something behind Xigbar. The fine hair on the back of his neck rose as the leader slowly turned as well.

Axel stood with his arms crossed, a shit-eatin' grin tugging his lips and looking for all the world like a demented joker indulging in some private joke at everyone else's expense. "Guess who Xiggy-boy."

Plastic chairs made ugly sounds against the dirty pavement when the gathering rose to their feet as one. Xigbar made an irritable sound and waved a hand. Some relaxed, but still stood with their eyes weary. "Tonight isn't a night for fighting", Xigbar started. "It's for celebrating. That's what your little _Roxas_ would say right?"

At the mention of Roxas's name, Axel chucked his knife so fast that it was momentarily lost. The scarred boy made a show of parting his legs a little, swallowing hard as the cold steel vibrated, embedded not an inch from his crotch.

With fury dictating now, Xigbar got up. "I'm trying to let you off here. Take my kindness for what it's worth and—"

Axel jumped on him as people around them start to scream.

"Police, police!"

A scuffle. Grunts. Shadows and solid forms rushed Axel as he tore into them with every bit of anger and chaos inside him. "He has nothing to do with me you fucks. Leave. Him. Alone!"

The redhead snatched two mid-tackle and slammed their heads together with a sickening crunch. They slumped to the ground as he stepped over them and stalked forward. "Come for me. Fine. I'm here."

He clothes-lined another and locked his body as they caught on and closed in, using that circle method they were so fond of.

Axel tucked his chin against his chest and focused. "Come on", he snarled.

The tang of blood invaded his senses. Dimly, he realized it was his as they tackled him to the ground with kicks and punches. "Fucking cowards", he hollered. "Grk!"

The leather binding came out of nowhere as it looped around Axel's throat and yanked upward. Axel wheezed, using his precious air supply and the rest of his fading strength to slam his captor against the wall. The noose constricted tighter.

"Xaldin, hold him."

Xigbar jerked the knife from his chair and strode forward, relishing the screams from their audience as one or two onlookers who tried to help the redhead were beaten back. He eyed his nemesis with a curled lip and fingered the cold steel of the blade as his missing eye throbbed with phantom sensation.

"You talk big Red, about keeping scores even and shit." A gloved hand rose as it grazed over his eye patch and the scarred boy licked his top lip. "What's say we follow your rules for once."

Axel was driven to his knees with a strangled gasp, clawing desperately at the binding as his face reddened and his strength dwindled to nothing. Luxord came forward to hold him in place as well even though Xaldin's vice hadn't loosened in the slightest. His face melted with obvious relief as he fisted a hand in Axel's spikes and yanked back to expose the ivory column of his neck.

"Payback", the peroxide-blonde sneered.

Axel spit in his face, receiving a kick to the stomach and a harsher wrench to his hair for his efforts. Xigbar angled the knife at the redhead's throat, then slowly, slowly trailed the razor tip up the line of his jaw.

"Of course, I'm a business man too. And a firm believer in interest." Xigbar motioned to Xaldin who loosened the leather enough for Axel to speak, but still kept him in place. Axel didn't fight it as his chest heaved with burning pants.

The blade nicked the middle of Axel's bottom lip and coaxed a bead of crimson from the small cut. The redhead—much to Xigbar's chagrin—only smiled, forcing the cold steel a little deeper, the cut growing.

Xigbar pulled back, irritated beyond belief as Axel's tongue shot out and lapped up the coppery taste of his life.

"Really Xig. You're so overdone it's ridiculous. If you're going to do something shut your mouth and do it."

"I warned you", the scarred boy spat. "Me and my boys wanted to give you a little more time to enjoy your honeymoon." Xigbar sneered at the last word. "Oh well."

At that moment a blur of black and red busted through the circle at Xigbar's back and pushed through, driving his attackers to stumble away with well-aimed blows. The figure scissor-kicked another that rushed him and tackled Xigbar to the ground. Quicker than a blink, he was back on his feet and wrestling Axel from the grip of the bozos restraining him.

"Fuckin' candy ass motherfuckers. Get. _Off_!"

Luxord was bodily lifted and went flying with an indignant howl, crashing into Xaldin as both tumbled to the dirty pavement. Axel blinked as Vincent brushed daintily at a few specks of dirt that had landed on his red duster with a scowl that promised ultimate beat-down.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here", Axel gaped.

"Shut the fuck up little boy. This is your fault."

Vincent Valentine was a man in his late twenties, and stood at a daunting six feet tall. His crimson eyes sparkled with hellfire as his long, ink-black hair was nudged by the biting evening breeze. Fringe emerged over the blood band around his head. The red duster, his most telling feature, billowed out around him as palpable tension descended on the otherwise frigid delinquent.

"Son of a bitch", someone in the crowd cursed.

"It's him."

"The Galian beast…does that mean Regenesis is alive again?"

Regenesis was the name of the crowd that Vincent ran with and a smile quirked his lips as a sizeable portion of the onlookers scurried away. They were pack of animals notorious for brutality that was on par with some of the nastier Yakuza hailing from Shinjuku's underbelly.

Rumor had it that he'd mellowed out though because he'd almost been snuffed by one of his own. Axel knew that to be halfway true since Cid had taken the guy in for a bit and nursed him back to health.

Apparently a little down time wasn't enough to keep the edge dull though, as Vincent confirmed with the neutral glare he swept over the damage he was razing.

More shrieks rang out as the raven tugged a gun from it's holster around his thigh. No, not just any gun…_the_ Quicksilver. Vincent's chaos form roared loud and clear for all to see as he leveled the pistol's muzzle at the one rushing him.

"Come to papa." Center of the skull. Axel swallowed as Vincent's bloody eyes flickered then dulled as he jerked his arm down and peppered a shot in the guy's ankle instead. Tendon and bone went flying from the disturbingly accurate bullets as Vincent crouched and stood back to back with Axel.

"Jesus Christ Vince."

"Isn't this what you wanted boy?"

More shots sliced through the air, ugly and frightening as they spilled blood. Axel shivered as the fading dirge echoed against his back. He felt it, felt Vincent's body jerk every time the trigger was pulled and the gun thundered to life as it scattered their attackers.

He blinked and came back to himself when he felt a hand constrict around his arm. One side of Vincent's cheek was smudged with blood and Axel's eyes widened as the older man tugged them into motion. "Come on. We gotta get going."

It was only then that Axel registered the woman's scream…the siren's scream that sounded far too close for comfort. The police car skidded around the corner in the next instant as Axel spun around and out of Vincent's hold. The crowd around them flowed forward like a living entity, forcing everyone to come along or get trampled.

"Not yet", he hissed desperately.

"That wasn't a request shithead." Vincent pistol-whipped him so hard that everything became blurry as he was pulled forward. Their feet pumped and slapped at the cold pavement as they weaved through the bustling confusion. Vincent pulled up short, licking his lips and tucking Quicksilver out of view as he steered them to a brisk walk.

His crimson eyes darted around as the police clustered and filtered through the jostling panic and towards the remnants of Xigbar's gang. Vincent wrapped a strong arm around Axel and pulled the shell-shocked teen close to him.

"Wait—"

"Shut up."

"I can't go yet!"

Everything was spinning so fast now that the bright fluorescent above and in the shop windows left trails as they passed by Axel's vision, still fuzzy and jilted where Vincent had brained him. He glanced over his shoulder just in time to see—with a modicum of relief—Xigbar getting slammed to the ground and cuffed.

Faster they walked now, never stopping as the people around them thinned and the pace resumed to normal as people stood in whispering groups and craned their necks to see what was happening. Axel's heart thudded as he sucked the nick that was still oozing to ground himself. His attempt was cut short as Vincent delivered yet another reality check, slamming him back into the jagged wall of a nearby building.

Before he could stop it, a derisive chuckle bubbled from his numb lips. His chest tightened and the sweat beading on his skin stung as Vincent snatched some of his spikes and used the momentum to bash his head in.

"What's so fuckin' funny, huh? You think this is a game?"

Lightheaded, Axel could only continue laughing softly as he spit out some blood. "It's just that you're always so cold", Axel slurred through lidded eyes as the pain from old wounds opened to lace with the steady throb of this new pain. "I thought you didn't care."

"Cold? I fucking hate the cold. And I don't care about you, little prick."

"I didn't ask you to come."

"Fuckin brat", Vincent spat again, grinding Axel's face into the rough surface he was pinned against. "Of course you didn't. I wouldn't be out here freezing my balls off if you did."

Axel hummed, feeling his teeth buzz as he grinned again. Pain was nothing new to him and Vincent knew it. For not spending a lot of time together the two delinquents were forging an understanding.

"He's really softened you up hasn't he?" Because from what he'd heard, Vincent was a psycho with a trigger itch. The beast that loomed in the rumors wouldn't have hesitated to take that center shot, but he had, aiming for the foot instead.

Vincent snarled but didn't deny the fact as he finally released Axel and stepped back.

"I could say the same for you." Vincent allowed his face to smooth over into an impassive expression as he regarded the teen who, for all his wizened knowledge, was still wet behind the ears…in many ways. "The Katoku I know would've carved smiles into those fugly mugs back there, not get himself pinned like some pussy. Why did you let them?"

The redhead grimaced and spit out another mouthful of blood. "I had to do something", Axel growled. "It needed to stop somewhere. I dragged someone into this whether I want to admit it or not. And if I let Xigbar win then...This was the only way—"

"Use your head Joker. This was the _worst _way to go. What would the one you're trying to protect do if you got yourself incapacitated, huh? How would you protect that person then?" Vincent shoved him hard. "Fucking think for a minute you brat. The way we protect what's ours is by sticking close; by watching, keeping a cool head, and only striking when it's _absolutely necessary_." The fury cooled a little as Vincent cocked his hip and scratched his head, shifting his head band a little with a heavy sigh. "Look, go back. Go let him know you're okay."

Axel bristled. "How do you know it's a 'him'?"

For the first time that evening, Vincent smiled; a slow, soft pull of the lips as his shoulders rolled and memories of his own reason for being here soothed his anger. "I know", he murmured. "Because we have more in common than you think kid."

Axel looked away, more disturbed by this peace from a reputed monster than he was by the earlier hard-ass. "I can't yet."

"The hell you can't", Vincent snapped then bit his tongue as he raked fingers through his hair. "I've done my part. It's up to you now. Just don't make Cid suffer for your stupidity any more than you already have."

With that, Vincent's duster fanned out behind him as he stalked away, grumbling about freezing weather and bratty dipshits. The evening obliged him as it swallowed the hellion and muffled his fading footsteps.

Axel sagged down until his ass hit the freezing ground, pulling his legs to his chest as he took inventory of himself. His breath came out in steamy puffs as trembling fingers fumbled in his pocket. Numb, every bit of him was numb and he needed to stay this way just a bit longer.

After being cold for so long, being wrapped in warmth almost hurt more. Being reminded of...feeling that weak...it was cruel. His clothes were sticky and gross. Numb, focus on the numb.

His hand finally extracted what it'd been searching for as Axel placed the cigarette to his lips. The lighter was halfway to his mouth before he realized the white stick had snapped in half.

The redhead titled his gaze up to the grey and purple expanse of sky, edged by the hazy, blinking lights of the city that choked the stars from view. He scowled at the shivers that suddenly wracked his body and the broken cigarette tumbled from his lips.

_Go back._

He wheezed out a laugh.

* * *

><p><em><strong>*shuffles* So yeah…I have absolutely no idea where this came from but umh…I know exactly where it fits xDD And I figured now was as good a cut-off point as any, LOL damn me and my long-windedness anyways _ No, really. My fingers hurt.<strong>_

_**Vincent and Cid have always been one of my favorite pairings, so I had to squeeze them in somewhere. FYI I know Vinnie doesn't cuss that much but he's been chillin' in Cid's bed for too long xD**_

_**I was NOT expecting the good second half of this though. I almost panicked when I typed Axel heading out after he scrubbed his poopsie clean. Stubborn-ass, fuckin…heh. Well I guess Axel wanted some screen time too so here it is :3 Steadily cranking out the next part nao~**_

_**I hope this was worth the wait, sorry for OOC-ness and typos and uhm, thanks for reading xD**_

_**Review?**_


	12. Chapter 11: Strays and Blazers

_**So…my diet currently consists of eggflour soup, cough syrup, phlegm, and uh…grapefruit juice. Lots and lots of grapefruit juice.**_

_**Anyways, all ye bitches be jelly. Be very jelly. Be GRAPE jelly because peripheralnoise made me shmile and cry and hiccup and happy-feel. ^^ I guess I can dedicate this chapter to you my dear. I still feel like total crap but even so, this is for yew~ earlier than it should've been too o.o Thanks for your praise, and the adorable shyness~**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Eleven: Strays and Blazers<strong>_

Roxas ran a weary hand over his face as he eyed the apartment block, his home now. It rose like an obelisk in the sea of cold shadows; an ominous, mocking reminder that in this world it was every man for himself. His jacket rustled as he rolled a shoulder and fisted his hands in his pockets. The clunk of the stairs under his feet sounded dull, muted. His weary body weighed a ton, each step costing him great effort.

Working at the service station was probably the easiest and best paying job he could get at his age, just short of trolling down ye olde lane of love hotels. Though it was the most opportune, it didn't stop the job from being tough. Making runs to put gas in the cars. Washing the cars. Restocking shelves. Ringing up merchandise. Dealing with customers. Dealing with Yuffie. Dealing with Yuffie. Dealing with Yuffie.

"_**Freakin' dork! If I told ya once, I told ya a thousand times! Its Squall!"**_

"_**Leon."**_

"_**Squall."**_

"_**Dammit little girl, stop butchering my name!"**_

"_**Squally olly oxinfreeeee—whoops…sorry Roxas…"**_

The blonde winced at the sticky syrup still clinging to his hair, now as a sugary frost. Yeah, his job sounded easy alright. If you were good at that crap. It was getting colder too. Darker. His skin burned, it throbbed. The coming winter was a time for death, skeletal trees, a disturbing absence of color…white.

Roxas stopped short at the slash of crimson that was splattered on the wall by his door. He blinked once. Twice. That wasn't…blood...was it? He took a careful step closer then stifled a sigh.

The redhead squatted on his haunches, hunching his shoulders against the cold as he rubbed his fingers. He looked up at the sound of someone approaching, shifting on the frigid stoop.

Axel wasn't smiling as he expected. His face was drawn with worry, exhaustion, and a flicker of cool relief as he held Roxas's gaze. The boy's breath caught at the smugness that acted as a mask for the grim joker in front of him.

The blonde scowled and Axel felt peace bloom in his chest at the welcome sight of that familiarity. Roxas was like an oasis in the desert. Even in this bitter weather he was warm and healthy. Roxas would be safe now.

His expression was searching as he watched a shudder chase through the smaller boy's body before he stepped forward and slid his key into the lock with a metallic crunch.

He didn't reach out a cautious hand like someone trying to feed a wild animal. He didn't treat him any different than what was…normal for them. Roxas, for all his emotional instability was blessedly stable in his habits.

"Back so soon", Roxas muttered, jolting Axel from his thoughts. He breezed past the crouching boy and didn't look back to see if the redhead had followed.

"I told you I wouldn't be gone long." The door slammed behind them both.

"You didn't tell me though. That's the problem."

Axel rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry."

When Roxas chose to unwrap his scarf, toe off his shoes, and hang up his jacket instead of responding, Axel enveloped the smaller boy in a hug. "Sorry", he whispered against golden spikes.

Flaxen brows pulled into a scowl as he stiffened. "For what?"

"For disappearing like I did."

"Get off me."

"Roxas—"

"You're a big boy. I don't need your excuses." Roxas's scowl darkened when the arms around him retracted. Axel rummaged in his pocket then made a small noise as he extracted two pieces of ripped paper. He held them out, expectant.

"Stop treating me like a woman."

"Stop acting like one then. Here."

"I said I don't need—"

"This", Axel offered the crumpled note up like a sacrifice, "is not an excuse. It's one of many that you've been getting. Please, take it."

Suspicious, blue eyes glared up at the taller male before Roxas took the two pieces and smoothed them on the wall. A second later he gasped and the torn paper fluttered to the ground. He swiveled and cerulean darkened to navy as he glared at the few bruises, the cut visible on Axel's lip. The world shuttered before slamming into place with much the same sound as his apartment door.

"You see? I had to g—"

Roxas drew back his hand and slapped Axel as hard as he could. The sharp crack of palm on flesh echoed through the small entryway for a moment. Axel blinked, head forcibly turned to the side. He couldn't move for a solid minute, the shock was so great. Nausea from Vincent's pistol whipping exploded in his gut again, things blurring and focusing in tandem. Axel shook his head, mouth working helplessly.

"This", Roxas screeched. "Why didn't you tell me about _this_!? I was so worried, I…you left and I told myself that I'd be fine…I tried not to get mad. I _tried_ Axel." Shaking fingers came up to graze against the welt he'd just left, skittered down, groped tender flesh as a grimace puckered his features. He looked like he was about to cry. The taller boy stilled under Roxas's fingers that explored the expanse of his injuries. "Have you slept? Eaten? Just look at you…idiot…" The boy's voice trembled as he clutched the icy fabric of Axel's shirt. "Where _were_ you", he hissed. "Where were you that I couldn't follow…?"

The taller boy drew Roxas into the fold of his arms with a brittle smile, even as his body swayed. He didn't point out that Roxas was in fact acting like a woman. Now wasn't the time for jokes. "Shh…sh… I can't promise I won't disappear again", the boy tensed and tried to push away, his panic tempered by frustration as Axel kept him in place, "but I'll always come back to you."

Roxas closed his eyes and breathed Axel in with a satisfied shudder. His arms came up to pull the taller boy closer. Cinnamon. Smoke. The taint of cold and blood that made his teeth ache, his stomach clench. "Axel…"

"Hm?"

_Don't. Don't say it._

"I know I'm being selfish asking this…"

_Don't fucking say it. What if he says no? Don't ruin this._

_**Tie him down.**_

"—but…"

Axel laced their fingers together and brought them up to puff heat onto the smaller digits. "Tell me…"

_Don't!_

"M-move in with me?"

Just as he'd known, just as he'd feared, Axel bristled. Roxas swallowed as the taller boy let his hand go and stepped back.

"I can't."

Roxas pressed his lips into a thin line. "Why not?"

"I don't want to use you like that."

"Axel, you won't be…and I won't hold you back." An incredulous laugh forced its way out of his throat that was suddenly too tight for comfort. "I…wait. This wasn't supposed to come out like…" He puffed his cheeks out and fisted a hand in his hair before trying again, brows drawn together. "I know you have a life but you have a safe place to return to, here", his voice lowered to a scant murmur. "…with me."

"Rox, I can't."

"So what am I to you then?" Now his voice was ugly, jarring. His eyes flashed like icy blades. "Some toy that you can just randomly put away when you get tired of me?"

"No…"

"Then why won't you—"

The taller boy squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around his middle. "Stop Rox. Please, just calm down okay? You don't need this kind of stress right now."

"You're right. I don't. What I need is… you, Axel. I've thought about this and—" His hand drifted forward of its own accord. "I don't want to be without you."

Axel pushed him away.

"You have no idea what you're asking."

"Please, just stay. I know you'll disappear again. Okay. You're free. And I can't promise that things won't be broken but..." Roxas was nothing if not persistent, his hand fisted Axel's jacket lapel. "Stay with me."

"I'm done talking about this." Even as he said it the taller boy shrugged off the leather where some of his precious body heat still lingered. Roxas was cornering him. Out of all the people he'd known, Axel hoped Roxas would be the one to understand. The one to not shove him in a cage, to not guilt him. To not say… but then, Roxas wasn't some complacent girl. He wasn't just some casual fling.

He was a boy with his own pride too. With enough pride and strength to say he needed help, that he needed someone. Axel knew he was being unfair but…but…

"Why not! Come on, you spend a lot of time with me anyways don't you?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because it just is", Axel snapped. Slitted green riveted to a spot over Roxas's head. He couldn't look at him, he couldn't meet those baby blues because he knew the wounded, abandoned expression that lurked there by heart. Physical maladies may have been healing on the smaller boy but lacerated emotions were far more painful. And it was all because of him. "I'm sorry."

Roxas's face twisted as a helpless shout built in his chest. Before he could think better of it, before he could stop the words from coming, they rang out as hurtful and clear as a gunshot in the snow. "It's not like you can go home!"

A hand.

The sound of a horrified hand clapping over his offending mouth as if that one action could take back the words he didn't mean. "I…I'm sorry." And he was too. But some pains run too deep to ever be healed by something as simple as words, no matter how sincere they are. "A-xel…no. Please, I'm sorry. I didn't…wait. Wait, don't go—"

Axel stepped back out of reach—

_**A phoenix, brushing feathers ablaze against blistered skin. Never touch what this creature holds sacred. Never cradle this fire.**_

—away from Roxas's groping hand and the smaller boy was powerless to stop him. He dropped to his knees, blue sheathing itself in darkness as the slam of the door reverberated through his whole body for a second time. It was a blow against his bones and in the emptiness of his heart. It was a horrible, horrible sound of finality that faded into nothing more than injured silence.

A weight made his arm sink and when he glanced down, his fingers were clenched in the soft leather of the jacket Axel had left behind.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The redhead chewed his thumb and wrapped his arms tighter around his middle as he shivered. He was in an alcove somewhere downtown, perched amongst the trash bags and dumpsters with his prize draped over his violet-hued shoulders. A blazer. He'd dumpster dived and found nothing but a thin, holy fucking blazer for all his trouble.

Axel tucked his chin against his chest, muttering frosty curses under his breath between clenched teeth.

_**You always get scared and run boy. Fucking coward.**_

Green eyes rolled. "Shut it old man."

When yet another bag of rubbish dropped from above, Axel wobbled to his feet and tucked his hands into his armpits.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Ahn…Cid, d-don…ah, not so hard. Slow do-wn."

"You don't want that", the older man crooned, drilling into the body wrapped around him. "Come on, tell me what you really wa—"

"_Graaaaah!"_

Cid cursed and rolled to his feet as Vincent yanked the sheet over himself. "Who—?"

The blonde grumbled and scratched his scalp. "Stay here. I'll fucking handle this." He recognized that sound. It was one he himself had made before. It was pain. It was confusion. It was someone who needed help.

Vincent reached for Quicksilver, resting innocently on the nightstand. He cocked it with a jerking movement. "You sure?"

Cid leaned down in between shimmying some sweats on and pecked the younger man on the cheek. "Mm. But I have a different gun that'll need your attention when I come back." He nipped at Vincent's creamy chin. "Stay right fuckin' there for me. This shouldn't take a few minutes."

Twin crimson rolled in exasperation even as a smirk quirked his lips. "I'll start without you."

Cid bit his lip and dragged his calloused palm down the sculpted expanse of Vincent's chest, dewy from the strain of their play. "Five minutes."

"Three."

The older man hustled out the bedroom as Vincent settled back into the sheets with a sigh.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Shit!"

"Axel…"

"Fuck!"

"Axel."

"God dammi—"

"_Axel_."

The redhead startled and paused his furious pacing to glance up at Cid.

"Are you…", Cid cleared his throat, quizzical brow raised and mouth turned down at the corners. "Are you wearing a… blazer?"

The teen snorted. "Long story." He curled his fingers around the repulsive thing and resumed his previous motion.

The older man reclined in the doorjamb, looking every bit as peeved as Axel felt while he followed the teen with his glacial gaze and internally bemoaned the waste of youth on the young. There was no cigarette in his mouth. With a few quick motions Axel fished in his pocket and chucked the crushed pack in Cid's direction, astounded when it came flying right back to hit him in the head.

"Didn't you want one?"

Cid shook his head, trying to keep a stranglehold on the last bit of his patience. The kid was filthy; he looked like he'd frozen off a nut and a half. He was wearing a blazer. What's more…"I _had _something in my mouth a moment ago and I intend to get back to it. _Soon_. Now what's your fuckin' problem?"

Axel blushed at the elder's rumpled appearance that escaped his notice before; the mussed hair, glassy eyes, angry red welts littering his body in strategic patches.

"Oh…I'll go."

He turned to do just that when a strong arm snaked around his elbow and tugged him to a stop. "Woah. Woah kid, calm down. You don't have to go, I was just—"

The redhead shrugged off his hold. "It's cool. Go back to whoever you were...doing." He shuddered. "Sorry for interrupting."

"Dammit boy, now wait a min—"

But he was already out the door. The retired pilot stared stupidly at the entryway a moment before hissing out a breath. He dragged himself over to the counter to shake a stick out of his own pack.

"Fuckin'…", his curse piddled off into a mutter as he placed the cig between his lips. The blonde groaned as his cock pulsed in protest against the confines of his sweats. A palm came down to brace the unbearable pressure. "Yeah, yeah I know. But I can't just—"

It throbbed again, insistent, just as Vincent's husky moans sounded through the wall. "I'm getting too old for this shit."

Cid cast a wistful glance at the door once more then limped back to his bedroom with a few choice oaths stinging his lips.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Blunt nails scrubbed back and forth against his scalp as Axel grit his teeth against the fresh wave of shivers. He was, much to his chagrin, now parked on a swing in the middle of the sleepy neighborhood. The only company to name was a stray cat and the quietly buzzing streetlights above. His knuckles whitened as he clenched the icy chains and rested his cheek on one side. The bronze key, chipped with time and abundant use, bit into his palm as he fiddled with it.

It was only a piece of stupid metal. Only a piece of stupid metal that had saved his sorry hide more times than he could count. But not now. No, not now. The key was starting to warm from his constant chafing, his constant—

That's right. He couldn't rely on Cid anymore because the old man had finally found someone. He was happy now. It wouldn't be right intrude on that. He knew the ex-pilot would never protest, would even insist on him staying close but that wasn't an option. Not when he had a chance at peace, not when that peace tamed even the Gallian Beast in his bed.

As tough as he may have been, as wizened and kind, it didn't stop the heartbreak when one of the kids he looked after fell too deep, drowned by darkness. It didn't stop him from aching like he was the parent who couldn't save the children he'd claimed as his own.

That was just who Cid was. Who he'd always been. And now that he didn't have to endure it alone…

Axel bit his lips to try and coax life back into them. He was running on fumes here. Hadn't had to do it for a while but things were starting to look like he'd need to go rent his ass out to the highest bidder again. The teen shuddered as a bitter scowl carved deep in his brow. Okay. Yeah.

It wouldn't be that bad. First he'd stop by the house and check on his father, then—

"Katoku."

He jumped as Cid's voice barked his name. Glancing over his shoulder, Axel was very proud of himself for not spluttering. Or wetting himself. Or a depressing mixture of the two. Cid's shoulders were hunched, clad in nothing but a light jacket, the same sweat pants and…flip-flops.

"What are you—"

"Boy, you have till the count of three to get your ass over here."

"Cid, stop you don't—"

"One.

"Come on. I'll be fine." Axel scrambled to his feet and stumbled before crashing against the icy pavement. The sound of the swing's chains dimly resembled the tinkle of a child laughing at his expense.

"_Two_."

The redhead forced himself up and backpedaled, holding up his scraped hands. Cid's expression promised blood. "Go back inside old man. I can—"

"You can _what, _exactly?"

Axel gulped as he realized exactly what, or rather who, he'd just backed himself against. He glanced up and squawked, jumping away from the furious, trembling—shivering?—raven-tressed man.

"**Three.** Sick him babe."

A vicious smile curled Vincent's lips as he took a menacing step forward.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Fuckin' really? You didn't have to hit me that hard."

Vincent grunted around his beer and tossed another into Axel's waiting hands. Grateful fingers curled around the warm can as Axel placed it to his abused cheek, neck, shoulder; still damp from the bath. He glared at the older man and didn't notice Cid pad out of the bathroom, bare-chested and donning a small towel around his neck. Golden fuzz on his arms sparkled from the steamy dew still clinging to his skin.

"If you'd fuckin' stop and listen a moment…" The ex-pilot eyed him with a fresh wave of irritation as he came to stand behind the chair Vincent was reclining in. A hand cupped his lover's nape while the younger man leaned into the touch. Both eyed Axel like he was some petulant toddler with a runny nose.

Axel sniffed for good measure.

The three males bristled at one another before Cid rolled his shoulders and pulled the towel from around his neck. "If I come out here tomorrow morning and find you gone, there is not a Roxas, a Yuffie, or a Vincent that will stop me from finding you and tanning your ass raw—"

"Isn't that his purpose now?" Vincent glared as Axel pointed at him.

"Do you fuckin' understand me?"

Axel fidgeted and looked down. "But—"

"No buts", both older males snarled.

The redhead huffed but took a surly sip from his beer then set it down on the coffee table. He tugged the blankets of his makeshift couch bed up to his chin and blinked up at them demurely. "Mom? Dad? Read me a _stoooory_."

What he expected (another macabre mauling) and what actually happened were two totally different things. Even Cid was more than a little shocked when Vincent came to sit on the edge and smoothed a hand over the blanket where Axel's stomach would be.

Crimson orbs narrowed. "Go to sleep shithead", he murmured.

When Axel frowned harder he gave an uncharacteristic chuckle then got up again to hook a finger in Cid's pants and lead him out of the living room.

The teen's voice gave them pause as he muttered, "You realize I'm only a little younger than you right?" By his tone it could've been an insult or a compliment.

A pause. Then, "Oh? Because you sure aren't acting like it."

"Are you guys sure about this?"

Vincent shrugged and glanced up at Cid who wrapped an arm around the slighter male's waist. "Someone's got to take care of you. And hey, it won't stop us from fuckin'." They watched Axel a moment longer—satisfied smirks curving respective lips—then headed towards their bedroom.

The teen watched them go, a strange feeling welling up inside him. It might have been the thought of Cid having sex or the first warm bed he was about to sleep in in days.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"If I catch you in any more funny business…"

"Lay off. We weren't the ones who started it. This time"

The sound of cuffs clicking open echoed in the small cell. Xigbar rubbed his wrists, irritable as he stood from the hard bench and walked toward the opening.

"Stay out of trouble son."

"Oh, we will. Give flower boy my regards." The scarred boy smiled.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"I think you're being overdramatic."

"I think you've been chilling in Cid's bed too long."

Vincent shrugged but didn't deign to disagree as he fiddled with Quicksilver's chain.

It was early morning, too early for Cid to be out of bed yet but both younger males were already bright-eyed and bushy tailed, from night phantoms or raging insomnia, it was anyone's guess. Axel was garbed in fresh clothes, courtesy of Vincent since they were almost the same size. He had hot food in his stomach, and everything was just fucking hunky dory.

"So he asked you to live with him. What's the big deal?"

Not.

The taller of the two propped his feet up on the coffee table and set his gun aside so he could fold his fingers and rest them on his stomach as he regarded Axel. "I'd think you'd jump on that kind of chance."

"You thought wrong then."

"Such a brat", Vincent drawled.

Axel snorted as he crossed his arms. His lips worked even as ginger brows inclined more with every passing second. "I don't need to explain myself to you."

"You're right. The one it sounds like needs the explanation is the one you up and left."

The younger male's eyes flashed as his jaw locked. "At least he's safe now." His foot began a staccato tap on the carpet.

"Oh is he?"

"His biggest threat is behind bars. You were there remember?"

The other male ignored the sudden tension radiating from his cornered prey and pressed on. "Threats aren't always from our enemies."

"What the hell are you trying to say Vin? I really hate to tell you this, but you suck serious ass when you try to act the sage."

"Better a sage than a fool". Pale fingers flexed. "You can't take care of someone in such a half-assed manner, you know. You've given him a lot, or so you say, but sometimes actions like that can confuse rather than comfort."

"So I have to lay myself bare? I can't do that. Have you told Cid how many people you've—"

"Boy, don't test me", he hissed. Vincent's scowl darkened. "And stop that damn tapping. Why must I keep telling you to _listen_? I didn't say you have to spill all the beans. I'm just trying to tell you that now that all this stuff is starting to resolve itself, he's getting curious. He has time to think about _you_. You've shared your body, he knows about your dad, but that doesn't mean he knows _you_; what makes you tick, why you're doing what you're doing."

Axel rearranged his expression, carefully impassive. "I can keep going like I am."

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

The redhead looked away.

"Think on it a while. In the meantime, rest."

"I've rested enough", Axel tried to protest.

Vincent held up his palm. "This isn't open for discussion young man."

Axel sniffed. "Yes mother."

Vincent gifted the delinquent with an indulgent smile. "Good boy."

The older man got up and stretched with a healthy yawn. "Now then, I have food to make."

Axel gaped. "Gallian Beast in an apron…never thought I'd see the day."

Seconds later Quicksilver was pressed against his temple. Vincent thumbed the safety and twin crimson glinted with sudden bloodlust. "I haven't sunk that low yet."

A husky chuckle escaped as Axel pushed the muzzle to the side with an elegant brow arched. "Yet? Oh man…this is priceless: one of the most vicious men in Japan in 'naked apron'. How the mighty have fallen." Axel made a show of swooning, almost finding himself on the receiving end of another pistol whipping.

But Vincent, being Vincent, found the where-with-all to step back and point Quicksilver at the ceiling. He eyed the youngster before turning to step into the kitchen. "Help me peel potatoes shithead."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas tensed as a clatter sounded down the hall. He poked his head out of the bedroom and bit his lip as his face puckered into a frown. The lack of work was really getting to him. He should already be back in school. Axel still hadn't come back—

A scuffle of movement.

Was that laughter?

The blonde shook his head and gripped his elbow with blunt nails, digging in to ground himself. He was just being paranoid. Too much time off, too much time to think. Roxas padded out of the room with his back pressed to the wall. Despite it being mid-afternoon, the overcast was dark. The air tasted metallic from the coming rain.

"H-hello?"

_Crash._

A shiver prickled through his body as fearful blue glanced at his window. He edged towards it and pulled the curtain back a little to peer out. Nothing was down there. Nothing dammit. He didn't see anything. Therefore nothing was there.

Right?

Right.

The inky backdrop swirled, forming snatches of arms, legs, blurry faces. Roxas's eyes hardened as he forced himself to keep looking.

More laughter—wind. It was just the wind. Just wind from the storm that was on it's way.

Roxas pulled the curtains closed and shut his eyes. Just the wind. Just empty darkness. Nothing was there.

Skittering.

Just for good measure Roxas peeked outside one final time. He stared for a while into the murk and kept telling himself that it wasn't staring back even though deep down, he knew it really was.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The skillet sizzled as the heady aroma of stirfry crowded the small kitchen. The two older males were stationed around the source of the salivating perfection while Axel perched on one of the barstools on the other side, chin cupped in his hand. Currently he wanted to shoot himself with Quicksilver, despite the looming promise of an early dinner.

"They aren't so bad. I think I want one."

A sound between a hum and a growl rumbled deep in Cid's chest as he closed the distance between them and juggled the chopsticks to his other hand.

"You gonna have my babies?" A fond smile crinkled his eyes as Vincent regarded him. A minute passed then the ravenette snorted. Axel squawked as he made to cover the pot of sauce bubbling happily,that might very well have picked up Vincent cooties.

"God no. You have enough adopted brats." His crimson gaze slid over to the redhead as he smirked.

The two males nuzzled then went back to their tasks, Axel left to roll his eyes. "Ew, no mushrooms please. I hate those."

Vincent simpered before tipping a hefty amount of said fungi into the bottom of the wok as Cid gave it a jostle then moved over to the slab of plastic where various veggies remained in a mixed state of half chopped.

Axel was about to bitch at Vincent when an annoying sound cut him off. He scowled down at the cell that buzzed and rattled cheerily across the countertop. The ravenette leaned over and snatched it up as he plucked a piece of celery off the cutting board. Cid swatted his hand and stole a quick kiss before taking the thing from him and glancing at the display.

He flipped it open then placed it in the cradle between his ear and shoulder as he rocked the knife back and forth over his fare again. "What's up kid?"

The knife paused.

"Hey..."

He set the knife down.

"Roxas, are you there?"

Axel's head snapped around. "What?"

Cid shushed him then stepped back and pulled the phone away from his ear a second before trying again. "Roxas? Are you okay?"

With a grim expression he snapped the phone closed. "I gave him my number in case he might need anything."

Vincent frowned. "Butt call?"

The ex-pilot shook his head.

Axel sprinted for the door.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuuuuck me", Roxas groaned. His fingers were in the process of losing all feeling as he lugged a trash bag downstairs, no small task since it was about half his size and just as heavy. He'd completely forgotten, the schedule to come pick up the burnable stuff was different from when he'd been living with...

Nope.

He welcomed the throb in his nails, an idle threat that they wanted to pop right off in the cold if he were to release his death grip on the quickly thinning plastic. Just get the trash dumped. No mothers exist here. This was a singular struggle and he would persevere.

The blonde shuddered as he reached the last step and clunked the black lump down to roll his shoulder. A grimace puckered his features as a stray gust froze the sweat beading on his exposed skin. Almost there. Just a few more feet and this could all be a frigid nightmare. Industrious shuffles. Soft grunts. Just a few more feet…

"You really don't learn do you?"

A long-suffering sigh burned his tongue as he sagged. So they were here. He glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowed, body tense. Roxas should have known by now; the darkness was not an empty place. It never was.

"Never around when you need him huh?"

A move to his left.

A rush of air behind him.

Roxas whipped around, fisting a hand in the flimsy plastic and clutching the cold steel that was ever his companion these days. Not this time. He would _not_lay down like some—

"Piddle-dick loser."

The boy flinched and loosened his grip on the bag, blinking in recognition. Roxas spun in a slow circle, eyes wide. All movement paused, just…disappeared. Roxas was alone. At least…

"Siefer?"

"_Siefer_…" the darkness mocked. "What? You thought you could escape me?"

Foreign sneers, forgotten laughter; Roxas's past and present tormentors melded into a single horror at that moment.

Eyes narrowing, he started back the way he'd come, only to be brought to a stop by a clatter in the opposite direction. He twisted on his heel, frowning. Carefully, he extracted the plastic handle and flicked out the blade, a whisper of cold steel glinted.

He took a few cautious steps forward. A blotch flickered in his peripheral as he reached the center of the courtyard, causing him to whip around, jarring steps obscene as they scraped the uneven gravel. Roxas was surrounded. He could hear them now. He could hear them all breathing, he could see the plumes of steam that chugged upwards, could feel their muscles like his own as they coiled and prepared themselves to spring.

"Damn it…" A hair-thin net squeezed around his heart. He hunched his shoulders and stood his ground, head swiveling in slow motion back and forth, every instinct within murmuring unease.

A footstep right behind him.

He jerked around, cursing at the empty air. "This isn't funny!"

"Oh it's very funny twinkler. We haven't seen each other in such a _long_ time. Come on. Haven't you missed me?" A sharp clatter, Roxas whirled, harsh barks of laughter catching in his throat. He turned in the direction of Siefer's voice—

The teen was gone.

For the smallest moment Roxas closed his eyes and focused on nothing but sound. The dark, it blinded the eyes but made the ears sharper.

"_Nothing can fully dampen the senses. Concentrate Roxas. Read the smoke behind the mirror."_

Concentrate.

Blue snapped open again, two hardened slits of ice and there he was.

Seifer lowered his head, the smirk growing broader, a few strands of blond sliding from the front of the ever-present black beanie to spill over his eyes. He folded his hands behind his back and took a couple of shuffling steps back, the tails of his white trench-coat rustling as the dark reached out with long fingers to curl around his form.

"Why are you here?"

"I was in the area", he sneered. "Made some", he paused. "_New friends_. But I thought a little catching up might be nice. You seem to have met already anyways."

A gasp near his ear, loud enough to echo, brought Roxas around with a fright. Nobody there. More than one. **Concentrate**. He went to turn back towards Seifer, but the older blonde was gone again. Roxas let out a slow breath that stuck like tar in his lungs. His heart thudded so hard it made his eyes vibrate. "I'm not afraid of you anymore", he bellowed. "Any of you."

"We'll just have to remedy that now won't we?"

Xigbar.

Scarred, ugly, scary Xigbar. Roxas's eyebrows drew together as twin cobalt darted around the dizzying blurs. His breath came out in frosty puffs, fogging his awareness. Something brushed against him. A low cry escaped his throat. He whirled, stumbling a step, to be caught by the tall blond. The elder's expression was trapped in that hideous, mocking smirk.

"Fuck!" With a snarl, Roxas slashed wildly, shrinking away when a cry of pain gurgled but it wasn't Seifer's. The fingers digging into his shoulders loosened however so he flung himself forward, pulse throbbing in his throat as he hitched in each breath.

"Roxas! You bad, bad boy. That wasn't very nice."

Seifer was in front of him now, shoving him back, sending him sprawling. Tan elbows scraped hard against the ground; warmth, explosions of sticky crimson that steamed as its heat was stolen by the night. The hand holding his knife jarred with numbness and Roxas cried out as his fingers gave a single spasm. The blade was lost, kicked out of sight with a pitiful clatter. "What're you doing down there?" The laughter ceased in a perfect, ringing silence as if it was just some recording.

Roxas scrambled to his feet as the blonde advanced, boots crunching dully against the crumbling asphalt. The shorter boy jerked his wrists across his eyes and blinked, not sure...

But he was.

Seifer was flickering, disappearing for a moment, only to reappear several steps closer. Roxas backed away, tongue swollen from where he'd bitten it, and so he couldn't yelp when he hit a warm, broad chest. Pale fingers snaked around his biceps, gripping hard. A hot breath in his ear, "Don't walk away from us, Roxas."

The Seifer before him vanished as the grip tightened. Pain shaved at his nerve endings, forcing them back to life. Roxas succumbed to a whimper even as he willed his body to struggle. "Get _off _me."

He was thrust forward, found himself again on the ground, knuckles scraping, one knee tearing.

Not this time, God _dammit_.

He was moving again, not bothering to find his feet, crawling as fast as he could, eyes glued on his escape route, the dim bulb that blazed like a beacon over the staircase. Seifer was in his way, hadn't even run, hadn't even jumped, had just decided to exist in Roxas's path. The smaller blonde fell to the side with a grunt, choking on the stars and cigarette-burn holes exploding in his vision. "No…"

"I thought you weren't afraid this time. Didn't your Axel teach you a little something?_" _He could hear the simper in Xigbar's voice, the ghost of a leather binding creak as it was twisted in strong hands.

"You haven't changed a bit momma's boy." Roxas stiffened. "Oh wait." The older boy tapped a finger against the side of his mouth. "That was quite rude of me, wasn't it? How is your dear mother?"

Seifer stepped over his inert form, a leg on either side of his waist. Tan fingers groped along the jagged asphalt, then…

Hope.

His fingers curled around the knife and drew it into his sleeve as the older blonde reached down to seize a handful of hair and drag the dazed boy's head up from the filth. He gave Roxas a hard shake. Roxas's teeth clacked together so loud he almost couldn't hear Seifer. _"I asked you a question!"_

"Let me _go_",Roxas spat. Patience, concentrate. The steel drew a thin dribble of crimson from his forearm as he gave it another subtle squeeze. He was pushed down, the older teen's hands a firm weight on his shoulder-blades, mashing him into the rubble, freezing slime, his own blood.

"Why didn't you just _say _so?" The legs were gone, the pressure vanished. Seifer stood on the opposite side of the courtyard, leaning against the side of the slatted building with his hands tucked in his pockets. His smile was back in place, the eyes above glittery and dead. "I missed you twinkler. Tell you what, I'll give you a head start."

Roxas's shoulders slumped and he rested for a second in his position. "I won't though." A kick to the side of the head, just as he was struggling to lift his upper body from the floor. Beside him, crouched down on one knee Xigbar loomed, a hand threading through gold spikes, soft at first, then gripping tight, nails slicing into his scalp. He was yanked back to his feet and thrusted forward. Roxas barely found his feet, swaying, dizzy.

"_Now?"_

"_Wait. Never make it obvious."_

"_But what if—"_

"_**Never**__ make it obvious. Every strike must count because it could be your last."_

A whoosh of air so close it ruffled his bangs, quickly dampening with sweat. With a gasp, Roxas jumped around and swung his arm in a wide arc, slashing, missing, shoes scuffing cement as he took two quick steps back and reached the stairs. A voice like water over stones followed him, comforting him.

"_I ca-can't hurt you."_

"_You __**have**__ to. Harder. Come on, you're fighting for your life here."_

"_Axel no—"_

"Run, run, run as fast as you can", Seifer crooned.

The sound of someone screaming through bubbles, the sound of someone drowning in an abyss. That sound was him.

"_I won't kill you but they will."_

"_They can't…"_

"_You really think that?"_

Without waiting, Roxas shot up the flight and focused everything he had on getting to his door. Funnel them. Funnel them and take them one on one. Just like Axel taught. Axel….

A sob forced its way from his lips, the sound echoing then drowned in the hollow space by the thunk of many footsteps. He stumbled but grit his teeth and pumped his body. More. More. Faster.

The landing came sooner than expected and he overestimated a step, crying out as he tumbled to the ground. Seifer emerged from the shadows at that moment, an uneven smirk in place, eyes watchful and narrow.

Roxas's fist tightened around his knife and he lurched into a crawl into a run. His door, frigid, painful to the touch. Sweet sanctuary.

Seifer smirked and allowed Xigbar and the rest of his new brotherhood to trickle into the hallway. The leader jerked his chin and their resident lock picker stepped forward.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Axel pumped his burning legs to their breaking point as he sprinted down the endless black path, slick with ice. He didn't stop to curse as he scrambled, he didn't pause to wonder if he was too late. The rain tasted thicker than blood as it sprinkled softly from the heavens.

* * *

><p><em><strong>PFFFFFFFFFFFT =-= shat quality yo. Oh well, I guess this is the result from sleeping for about a day and a half straight. Ima go die nao. Peripheralnoise, *sniffle* I failed yew~ Seriously, I know this is not up to standard and I'm so so so sorry Q.Q I'll do better next time e.e Also, please excuse the typos. I'll be sure to fix them later. Grah, I can't see straight Dx<strong>_


	13. A Bullet's Shadow and Lemon Yogurt

_**Your wasp, your honey, your lovely number eight is back! Back with a oneshot . x.x ''''**_

_**Back with a oneshot for CidxVincent! Love~ almost sounds like Sid Vicious, eh? Haha, they need a oneshot. Seriously. Cid was like, "I want some screen time!" And Vincent was like…"Don't tell anyone about my past *frown, scowl*" ….So I was like, "PFF. K." Here it is! ^-^**_

_**This is before Cid meets Roxas, and candid within the Love::Misunderstanding universe. But first:**_

**. like cigarettes burning closer to the filter, Stinging more as time runs out with every puff; a pile of ash, all that's left beside the bullet standing upright on the table.::.**

_**(^-this little thing right here is an accumulation of lyrics I was writing that had nowhere to go in my new song. I thought they fit nicely with this oneshot though ^-^) Okay, so Noooow I proudly present:**_

* * *

><p><strong>..::..A Bullet's Shadow and Lemon Yogurt..::..<strong>

"Well isn't this nice?"

Hojo paced a small path before the men that'd been driven to their knees. "A Yakuza", the bald one received a vicious kick to his side with naught but a grunt as yet another of his ribs splintered. He panted and bent over. "And a Triad." The redhead curled his lip, a wicked dagger's edge whispering against his ear. "Together."

Strands of ink escaped the man's ponytail. He paused, expensive suit rustling when he pushed up his glasses. He clasped his hands behind his back, voice lowering almost sweetly, "Would someone mind telling me", then he was yelling, "What the _FUCK_ is going on here?"

All present winced. The bald one spat out a clot of blood and grinned, his teeth pink. One of the lenses in his sunglasses was missing, the eye behind it swollen shut. His split lip gushed a little as he rasped, "There was a leak. Each of us got a call to come check out some new merchandise."

"Shut up Rude."

"Oh, so do you know each other?"

The two men exchanged a grim look. "No", they answered in unison.

Hojo smirked. "Come now, lies won't do you any good at this stage of the game." He turned to his men and one woman, dressed in a slinky scarlet number that left little to the imagination. "The Triads and Yakuza are working together, to try and bring us down."

A smattering of chuckles crowded the room. The leader stroked the knot of his tie with a finger as he sauntered up to the slighter of the two males. That same finger drifted forward and its companions joined in while Hojo's hand stroked through crimson bangs, scraping lightly till he reached the back of the redhead's skull. Green eyes snapped shut as he hissed through gritted teeth when Hojo's light touch fisted into a vicious yank, exposing the creamy pillar of the man's neck.

The bald one growled and struggled against his restraints. "Don't touch Reno!"

"Rude, shut_** up **_yo." Reno gagged, his head drawn back too far for a moment.

Standing in the corner, Vincent stiffened when his boss plucked the air with his free hand.

A gasp, the sound of fabric being sliced open. Vincent stepped forward and pulled a small vial filled with electric-blue powder from his breast pocket. He never used the stuff, especially this new shit, but he'd be remiss as a dealer if he didn't have some on his person at all times.

Their fingers brushed momentarily and the shorter ravenette jerked back as if he'd been burned. "You came for Protomateria right? Well, here."

"You scum! Don—"

Hojo shoved the tube up one of Reno's nostrils then brought the side of his fist down. Reno cried out as the leader stepped back with an ugly leer and wiped his hand free of splintered glass and spackles of blood. Reno slumped to the ground, whimpering and shaking, tears stinging as they seeped into his broken nose.

Rude fought his hold and, at Hojo's signal, was released to lunge forward and lay himself over the sobbing redhead as he glared up at them all. His chest heaved and the beads of sweat glistening over the expanse of his dome quivered. "Do it to me. Don't hurt him."

"Rude", the smaller male moaned.

The naked bulb above was swinging like an obscene pendulum, at once lulling and setting teeth on edge.

"So sweet", Hojo simpered, glasses catching the light as he jutted his chin and crossed his arms. "But this Shakespeare shit is killing me. Who called you?"

"We don't know."

"_Who_ called you?" Rude took another kick as he continued to shield Reno with his body. "I said we _don't_ fucking _**know**__."_

Vincent kept his face a perfect study of neutrality as he plucked Cerberus from its holster and handed it to Hojo. The leader thumbed the safety and sighed. "Okay. I take it back—"

"Wait, don't!"

"—this Shakespeare shit is killing _you_."

A single shot was drowned by the redhead's shrieks of agony. Rude sagged to the floor, a pulpy heap glistening where one of his eyes had once resided. The man's mouth was suspended in a silent scream as blood so dark it was almost black puddled around his head. A volley of bullets. His body jerked and twitched in a sick parody of life.

The smell, the searing of human flesh and that stifling sticky insanity our lungs reject; death.

"You fucking bastards", Reno howled, rolling over and scooting himself closer to the motionless husk that used to be his lover, his friend, his greatest rival. "Baby, baby no! Talk to me! Rude!" He choked. "You said we were gonna get out of this…you said!" His breath hitched in a pained sob, shoulders quivering as he pressed coppery kisses on every surface of Rude's face he could reach from his position. He whipped back up, face livid. But he couldn't even ask why. This wasn't their turf. By rights they weren't even supposed to be working together. He couldn't boast payback, that this wasn't over. Because it was.

It was _all_ over.

Hojo shrugged as anger melted into hopeless epiphany on the other man's face. "He carved his honor into his back. I carved mine into his skull." Reno flinched and laid his tear and blood streaked face against Rude's bald head. It was wet. And warm.

But it wasn't alive…

Hojo was speaking again but Reno could barely hear it over the thudding of his heart, too loud in his ears. "See, the difference between us is that Yakuza think of long-term relationships, you filthy bastards think of the short term. Your only goal is money, money, money...Your Jinshan Group. Your Dragons that pilfer gas stations and noodle shacks and whore houses for a quick buck. We're not like you. We are something great. We", he swept his arms out at his men. "We are eternal."

"No!" Reno's head snapped down and cracked against Rude's skull. "Dammit no!"

Two suits stepped forward and hauled the squirming mess to his feet. Hojo rubbed his chin a moment as he regarded the dead man, and the live one. "Give him another hit." Vincent supplied Hojo with a second vial which he then handed to the bigger of the two goons. "Then pass his ass around until he feels loose enough to talk."

Terror skittered across Reno's face, he started to struggle in earnest. "No! Kill me!" He lunged forward, was jerked back. He kicked and howled until his voice cracked. "Kill me! Kill me, please!" The redhead was dragged from the room.

Hojo cocked his hip and tilted his head until Cerberus's muzzle rested against his temple. The single woman in the room appeared completely unfazed as she stepped forward and draped herself over the boss, whispering something in his ear. Hazel eyes flashed as they flicked up and locked with Vincent's crimson. He smirked.

"Who are we", he boomed.

"Regenesis", they cheered in unison.

"And why did we form?"

"To cleanse the ranks!" All voices blended into a single frenzy. Hojo inclined his head and turned to his second in command once again. "Well, Vin. That was fun, wasn't it?"

The shorter man nodded and shot his leader a look.

"Now it's your turn." Cerberus rose.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Ammunition bit and whined like lethal insects as they scattered brick and people alike on the crowded streets of Center Gai. It was early evening, at its most packed and the shopping center was now a battle ground as Vincent ran for his very life.

One of his hands was mangled, two fingers bent at odd angles and he used it to try and staunch the heavy flow from his chest, the other hanging limp at his side and somehow still managing to clench Quicksilver's trigger. He almost laughed at the irony as he ducked around a group of shrieking school girls.

"Valentine, get back here!"

He twirled and aimed blind shots into the fluorescent ether.

Cries.  
>Did he hit his target?<p>

No.

Keep running.

His chest throbbed, and with each heartbeat, he was losing more of his precious blood. His head swam, dizzy and hot and weak. His eyelids drooped with exhaustion even as his body pumped itself to the limit.

Wincing, Vincent fractured another finger to keep himself awake. It wrenched with a sickening crack before he placed it back against his chest, not ceasing his steps for a moment. Sweat dripped into his eyes, or were they tears?

They couldn't be. He'd lost the ability to cry years ago.

"_**Vinnie? What are you—? Vinnie no!"**_

"_**I'm sorry."**_

Cerberus. The same weapon he'd taken Lucrecia's life with was to be his death this night. He slumped against the wall and smiled up at the hazy sky. The dirge still rang, that haunting song never really fading from his most sacred thoughts. "You watching baby? I'll see you soon."

An image of Hojo's sneering face and Scarlet's triumphant simper swam in his mind's eye and he straightened with a snarl before stumbling into motion once again. It had been a gift, that gun. A gift from the man who had made him what he was. But they'd begun to fear Vincent's power, his influence.

When the dregs in Shinjuku's underbelly started to whisper his name instead of Hojo's with that fearful respect, the bastard shot him with the symbol of his status. It sounded the same as the day it—he—stole his beloved's life. And now it was going to take him too. Such ugly, poetic justice.

Maybe this wasn't just a pride thing on their leader's part. Hojo was a good business man if anything else, Vincent thought bitterly. He knew too much so he was automatically assumed to be the leak. His hands were too deep in the Chaos-laced Mako and Protomateria that were circulating through the clubs and whores as the new 'hit drugs'. Fast, effective, berserk; a two-way ticket to oblivion that left no trace and minimal death. It was quickly ousting Ozone because of it's lack of after effect. That's the way things worked in Regenesis though. Clean. Efficient.

Shouts surged right behind him as the crowd parted in alarm. Quicksilver weighed more with every step. His fingers slipped. Vincent lurched into a dark side street. The gaping maw swallowed him greedily and he had just enough wherewithal to bury himself beneath a pile of trash as the insistent thud of booted feet finally caught up. He watched them all; Gast, Kadaj, even Tseng and Elena—who he'd personally saved the skins of more than once—dash past his hiding place with murder on their faces, pulling their lips back into excited sneers.

Vincent gave his all to Regenesis, even going so far as to kill Lucrecia for a position in their ranks. He'd baptized himself in innocent blood more times than he could ever count. He'd done unspeakable things, watched horrors that should've woken him in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

But he was unaffected.

Until now.

His heart grimaced as Shelke stumbled after them, the last of his pursuers. To give the kid credit, he at least looked sick about the whole thing. The gun was too big, too clumsy in his hands.

A smirk that carried no humor twisted Vincent's lips as he fisted the slippery, sticky fabric of his shirt, wincing as his broken fingers protested. Hojo taught him well, too well.

Even though it had been all of them against him, even though Hojo had sat behind his desk while the group kicked the shit out of him, even though he shouldn't have been able to with all the odds pitted against him…Vincent had escaped. Hojo had shot him in the chest with Cerberus, Vincent had snatched Quicksilver, and Vincent had _escaped_.

"I'm coming baby", he mumbled through numb lips.

"_**Vinc…ent. It hurts…"**_

_That was my sin, and this...this is my punishment._

With great effort, Vincent crawled from underneath his pile and rolled over onto his back. Quicksilver glinted wickedly as he propped it on his stomach, a threat to any who may try to happen on him before he breathed his last. An idle threat…

Dark splotches exploded in front of his eyes but he squinted through them, he squinted and sighed at his last view of the pink, hazy sky before everything went white.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The cigarette crackled to life as Cid took a drag. The ember sparked orange and twin cobalt blinked a few times as he let a pillar of smoke escape his lips to mingle with the nippy breeze.

"Get off me!"

"Come oooon. Squall, you're no fun anymore!"

Cid jangled the key in the glass door of the service station before stretching up and yanking the security cage down. He turned and flicked up the collar of his jacket. "Just walk her home Lee."

"She won't even say my name right! Why should I?"

Yuffie tugged on Cid's arm and glanced up at him with sparkly eyes and a pouty lip. "I'm just calling him by the name his momma gave him."

"Will you shut up already!"

"Leon", the eldest barked. The brunette jumped and squared his shoulders as he cut an indignant look at his boss. Cid stepped next to him and clapped Leon on the shoulder. "She may be a menace, she may be a Yuffie", Yuffie scowled at him. "But she's still a girl. It's the right thing to do." Yuffie beamed and glomped Leon's shoulder.

The brunette sagged then glared down at the bouncing femme before tucking his hands in his pockets and muttering, "Might as well get it over with."

Cid smiled to himself and didn't move a muscle until they'd wandered down the street out of sight. Mechanically, the ex-pilot reached up and tapped with his finger to dislodge the limp ash that had accumulated on the end of his cigarette before tucking it back in the corner of his mouth and starting down the opposite way. He melded with the crowds, belatedly noticing that something was amiss with all the police and stragglers milling about. Flaxen brows rose into his hairline with each step along his normally peaceful route.

Cracked glass. Ambulances. Mayhem…everywhere. The blonde hunched his shoulders, his scowl carving deeper as his boots crunched over the damage. It looked like a monsoon had blasted through.

"Regenesis…"

"Why can't they just—"

"Shh! Someone may be listening. Do you want to be next?"

Cid tucked his chin against his chest, glower darkening at that familiar terror when something caught in his peripheral. He stopped on a dime and weighed his possibilities, eyeballing the abstract reflections on the black plastic heap. He stepped closer.

"Hello? Anyone alive back there?"

No answer.

Cid sidled closer and slipped through the cracks, glancing back to make sure no one was watching. Everyone's attention was riveted the other way. The alcove was biggest at its entrance, he found. When he plunged a little deeper into the off-light, he halted with a grunt of surprise. Cid spit out his cigarette and ground it under one heel before nudging the body sprawled atop the bags. Pale, red everywhere. The man's eyes were open but unresponsive as he clutched a gun to his stomach. A tentative hand came out to check his pulse.

Cid jerked back.

_He's alive._

_**Not for much longer if he keeps losing blood like that.**_

"Why is it always the alleys", Cid muttered.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"_Papa?"_

"_**Get off me kid. I'm not your 'papa'."**_

_Crimson eyes stared up at him, swimming with tears as a little fist bunched the hem of his duster._

"_Where's my papa?"_

"_**You're **_**alone**_**. You'll always be alone."**_

_Vincent knelt on his haunches until he was eye-level with the boy, a five year old replica of what he used to be. The child started crying louder. "I'm scared! I don't want to be alone! Papa! Papa!"_

"_**Shut up. You have to be strong now. You're all you've got left in this world."**_

_The small phantom hugged himself and shivered. "It's cold."_

"_**We're dying."**_

You're dying.

"_**I don't want to die."**_

Die now or die later.

_The dark pit that he and his younger self were trapped in dissolved until it showed him as a bitter orphan teen. A naïve teen who'd just gotten his first taste of power on the wrong side of town. A naïve teen who wanted to keep this tenuous control and kill off the weakness that made his gangly knees knock together._

**You've got style kid.**

_Vincent whipped around and tried to cry out when Hojo clapped his teen-self on the shoulder in approval. He tried but his voice was stuck; he was merely an observer of his own life now, watching all the places he'd ever gone wrong._

**It's rough but how'd you like to run with us? We'll train you, and you'll never have to suffer or answer to anyone ever again. What do you say?**

_Vincent kicked the teacher that had trailed him from school in the ribs again and spit on him for good measure._

**Good answer.**

"_**Don't!"**_

**Prove yourself. Do it. You're so close now.**

_Vincent blinked at sunlight dappling through the white eyelet curtains…His eyes widened. Lucrecia._

_A groan burned his throat as he turned. There she was, as beautiful…as alive as she was the day he'd stolen her precious existence from this world. Vincent was five years his own senior as he watched. He was older now. Wiser, and yet he couldn't move a muscle to stop the wheels of fate that were turning faster and faster._

_She was backed against the kitchen wall, soft smile banished and replaced by features taut with fear. Blue. Blue had always been her favorite color. She was wearing blue and she looked so small. She liked blue. She would _**be**_ blue soon.  
>"This is my way in."<em>

"_Vinnie please, don't do this. I love you…"_

"_I love you too." The arm softened, lowered, pointed that death instrument down. "I really do." He stepped closer and brushed part of her ponytail out of her face. His brows drew together._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Vincent." A ghost of a smile returned for a second as a single tear chased down her cheek. "I love—"_

"Noooo!"

Cid jumped back with a foul curse as the younger man sat up and lashed out. Blood spurted from his chest. He gasped and cupped it, a broken groan escaping.

"Where…where am I?"

The blonde cocked his head and scratched his stubble, kneeling on his haunches with a scowl. "You don't remember?"

Twin crimson—that Cid thought had been just due to all the blood—blinked then narrowed. He was all lean sculpted muscle as he shifted and hissed with hair like ink spilling out in messy feathered layers. He almost looked feminine. Cid was surprised at how fragile the man felt in his arms despite the strength it took to stay conscious through that kind of pain for as long as he did.

"No hospitals", the man growled suddenly.

Cid rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Kinda figured with the way you were fuckin cradling that piece of yours like a child."

Vincent's good hand convulsed as if to illustrate the point and the man bowed his head to blink stupidly at Quicksilver.

"We're at…your place?"

"Fucking Christ." The older man scooted closer and was promptly confronted with a face-full-o-gun. "Woah. Woah, it's cool. I surrender okay?"

"Don't try anything funny." Vincent regretted making a stabbing motion.

Cid threw up his hands with a smirk despite his situation. "Threats can come later. Don't you think we should try to get that fucking hole in your chest plugged up first?"

Without being asked Vincent flumped back onto the couch and let his head swim.

"Bite."

A fuzzy forearm was suddenly in his face.

"Excuse me?"

"Bite down. I don't have any anesthetic and this is gonna hurt like a bitch."

Tentative teeth closed around Cid's arm then dug into the flesh with a muffled scream when something cold stabbed into his gaping wound. The forearm held him in place as it acted like a gag while Cid dug around with tweezers.

"Gottcha." He pulled back, collapsing on his butt with a triumphant noise, casting a bemused look between his bleeding arm and the bullet between his tweezers. "Now then."

Cid set both aside and shoved two pills into the ravenette's mouth, using one hand to cradle the base of his skull while he guided water between the man's parched lips. After a couple of swallows he allowed the younger male to drift back onto the pillows as he staunched the tiny spurting hole with a rag.

Long eyelashes fluttered as Vincent's breathing turned shallow but stable.

"You'll be fine now", Vincent heard the man murmur above him. "Just a scratch…dodged…lucky…" A cool rag dragged over his skin then burning. Vincent tried to shy away but his body was too heavy to move. More burning. The tang of alcohol. Then his hand went numb and cold as Cid splinted Vincent's broken fingers. He hissed. Pressure, bandages. " I'm Cid…wha…name?"

He burrowed one side of his face into the pillow with a sleepy growl when the motion stopped. "Vincent", he managed. Then, he was floating…floating.

Like he was made of air.

_You're not dead yet. Why aren't you dead yet?_

_**This is my sin.**_

Cid sighed as he tucked Vincent into his bed and sat on the edge. He ran a weary hand over his face and kept it there, staring through the cage of his fingers at the light spilling through the open crack of his door.

It was sickening, how used to this he was by now; picking bullets out of young kids who should be at home with their families, going to school, living a good life. This one looked to be about in his early twenties despite his six foot stature. Cid was no pushover but Vincent was—

The blonde froze. He cast a furtive glance behind him, he knew this kid from somewhere.

Vincent's chest was rising and falling slowly with drugged slumber. The man's breath hitched suddenly and he shifted. Sweat was starting to bead on his brow. Without thinking, Cid dabbed away the moisture and his chest clenched when the other male moaned. His lips parted. "Luc…"

Cid got up and went to clean up the mess left in his living room.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

It had been precisely seven days. One hundred sixty-eight hours. Ten thousand eighty minutes… Six hundred and four thousand eight hundred seconds. Cid's head throbbed as he rung up a carton of cigarettes for himself then closed out the register.

"You okay old man?"

He looked over and watched Leon flip the sign before the brunette sauntered over.

"Fine." But his voice was gruffer than usual.

"Do you need any help?"

"Nah."

"What if he's dangerous?"

"Brat's sleeping like a kitten. How bad can he be?"

"Bad enough to be cradling a gun when you found him."

Cid's lips pressed into a thin line. "And you were just Saint fuckin Therese when I hauled your sorry ass out of the gutter. At least he hasn't tried to beat the shit out of me yet."

Leon colored. "That was different."

"It's not different yet. I'm giving him a chance and an offer until he lets me know otherwise."

Leon released a sigh and kneaded his shoulders. "You've got balls, I'll give you that."

"Oh?"

"I don't know which is worse, leaving that guy unsupervised in your house, or leaving him there with Yuffie as supervision."

Cid snorted. "I guess you got me there."

He reached under the counter and plucked his jacket from its hanger, pausing with it halfway on when Leon spoke again. "Are you _sure_ you don't need any help?"

"I got it Lee. Quit being such a bitch."

A tight smile curled the corners of Leon's mouth. "Those always were your famous last words."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Come on, just try a bite."

"Dear God get off me."

"Not until you try a bite! It's a family recipe that'll have you up and at 'em in a jiffy!"

"Somebody help!"

Cid pinched the bridge of his nose as he toed of his shoes in the entryway, doing his best to ignore the smell of caramelized…something.

He heaved his body into the kitchen and palmed at his face, setting down the plastic bag with a slight rustle before moving towards his bedroom.

"I said _no_!"

"Just one bite won't kill you."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that Yuf. You're cooking's kind of…legendary."

The girl glanced up then vaulted off the injured figure cowering on the bed. She launched herself at Cid and threw her arms around him, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek and bouncing back on her heels.

"Hi Cid! Welcome home!"

The blonde eyed her then turned his gaze to the scandalized man on his mattress. "Hey", he said. He ruffled the excitable femme's hair with one hand without looking at her. "How do you feel?"

"Great!"

"Terrible", Vincent muttered.

Yuffie shot him a look. "Oh, you're just a big fat baby. Wah, wah, wah my chest hurts. Wah, wah, wah Yuffie-get-off-I-can't-breathe. Wah, wah, wah, your food is—"

"Hey big girl. Do me a favor?"

She smiled up at Cid and clasped her hands behind her back, rocking on the balls of her feet. "What's up?"

"I forgot to give Leon some cigarettes for last time. Would you grab half the carton in the bag out there and go give them to him?"  
>She beamed. "Sure thing Pops." She cut another playful glare at the ravenette. "You kids have fun now."<p>

He squawked then choked as she bounded out of the room.

Cid snorted as the door slammed and Vincent visibly deflated. "Jesus Christ."

"He ain't got nothing to do with it."

The younger male rubbed his chest. "She's scarier than…" He paused and the hand squeezed into the blanket. His throat bobbed with a swallow as he looked away.

"Scarier than…?"

"Never mind."

Cid shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Vincent blinked, the blonde turning to amble into his kitchen. He opened a pot on the stove and took a tentative sniff, pulling back as his eyes teared a little. He grinned in spite of himself while he filled a glass with water and moseyed back into the room.

"Here", he growled, shoving it at Vincent along with two pills.

"Thanks", the infirm murmured. He titled his head back and his face crinkled with a slight grimace as he downed both and wiped the back of his mouth with his good hand.

"It was uh…" Cid scratched the back of his neck. "It was spinach potato and bleach goulash…If you were wondering."

Vincent gaped. "She tried to make me eat _bleach_?"

"It's only a little….She says its good for colds."

"She's crazy. And I don't have a cold."

Cid chuckled and crossed his arms, propping himself against his wall and fixing the younger male with a stare. "We love her anyways."

Vincent refused to meet his gaze, fingers whitening further as he squeezed the glass and glared at the wall.

"That's nice and all but I need to get going soon."

"You're staying right where you are. There's no rush. "

"Yes. There is. I—"

Cid held up his palm as his mouth pulled down in a scowl that brooked little argument. "I'm going to make you something edible. You're going to stay right there. You're going to fucking eat. And you're going to heal. When you can drag your sorry ass outta bed, then we'll talk about you leavin'. But not before."

"But—"

"Up, pup, pup!"

And he walked out again.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Two weeks.

"Here?"

"No, a little to the left."

"Here?"

"Right there."

Cid bit his lip and flexed his fingers as he kneaded the muscles around the ivory shoulder. He braced his palm and pulled the arm up into a slow stretch. Vincent groaned and slammed his head back into the pillow with gritted teeth. "Okay, stop. Stop!"

Cid withdrew and pulled back the covers. "You're not tensing up as much."

"This isn't my first experience with a bullet wound. And this wasn't that bad."

"Wasn't that bad. Uh-huh." Nimble fingers undid the dressings around Vincent's middle, exposing a pucker of tender, healing flesh. Cid pointedly ignored the pink nipples that suddenly rose to attention at the change in temperature. His brows pulled down in concentration. "You heal fast."

"I always have."

He screwed off the cap to some topical ointment he always kept handy and stroked one slick finger over the raised skin. Vincent shuddered and his eyes snapped shut as his breath caught. Cid's glower darkened.

"I suppose if I ask what happened you'll just keep saying—"

"This is my sin."

Cid let out a tired sigh and cinched the fresh dressings tight. "I'm here to talk if you ever need to."

"I won't. At this rate it won't be long now."

"No", Cid's voice was rough. "I guess it won't." Cid remembered what'd been bugging him so much about Vincent, and it wasn't his picky taste in food or his vitality.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Three weeks.

In that time, Cid found out that Vincent had a pet cat named Red XIII. But that was it.

Three weeks.

In that time, Vincent had learned of Cid's chronic addiction to smoking, which the older man only exercised outside of his apartment as a courtesy to further Vincent's healing. Vincent had learned that Cid owned and ran a service station down the way. He was like a father figure to a plethora of kids, of which Vincent had met Axel, Leon, and Yuffie. Apparently there were more. Vincent had learned of Cid's odd penchant for tea spiked with burboun and lemon yogurt.

In that time, Vincent had learned a lot. He had learned a lot and could grudgingly admit to being drawn into this nice little dream. Because in that time Vincent had learned much. Lucrecia's voice kept whispering in his mind: _Forgive. Forgive…_She was getting louder every day.

And Cid only knew about his cat, or so he thought.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Thirty days. Four weeks. A month.

And Vincent hadn't left yet. Cid was just fine with that.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"_This is a dream."_

_The feline snorted and hopped up to curl in his lap. Red started to purr as Vincent scratched idly around his ears and stared out the window. This seat had always been his favorite, this window seat where the sun reached all facets of his face and body. And this was a dream._

_This was a dream because the sun felt cold now._

_And Red VIII could talk._

"_I'm scared Vincent."_

"_I know."_

"_I have eight lives left. And now you've gone away. I'm losing everything and everyone I love."_

"_We're both doomed to a life of loneliness it seems." The cat hissed and swiped at him, springing from his thighs and landing soundlessly on the carpet. "You can't keep running away from the things that really matter."_

_Inky hair spilled over his shoulder and covered one crimson eye as Vincent regarded his cat. "I can stay?"_

"_You __**will **__stay."_

_Vincent nodded. "I will stay. And you can stay too."_

_Red's tail flicked as he sat and licked a paw. __"Good. Now, where's my food?"_

"_What?"_

_The cat's eyes flashed, his whiskers quivering. "You left and now there's no one to feed me."_

Vincent bolted up with a gasp. His hands started to shake so he fisted them in the blankets and calmed his breathing until the invisible knives stopped stabbing his chest. A light knock sounded at the door.

A blonde, messy head of hair poked in. Cid was bleary-eyed but still managed to look concerned. "You okay", he croaked.

Vincent swallowed and forced his head to tilt, a jerky nod. "F-fine."

Cid snorted. "I call bullshit."

He opened the door all the way and blood was suddenly throbbing in Vincent's cheeks. Cid's chest was naked, the sweatpants clinging in all the right places as he padded across the room and sat on the bed.

"I think it's time we talked."

"Now?"

"Right fucking now."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

He still didn't know. Vincent gave away a little of himself, said that he was a part of a gang, but he'd kept back Lucrecia, his title as the Gallian Beast. Cid had just listened, nodded when it was appropriate, and mussed his hand through Vincent's inky hair.

"Is that all?"

Vincent had nodded.

"So what do you want for breakfast", was all Cid asked.

Vincent was only able to gape at him. "You know I'm dangerous right? I could steal from you while you're not home, kill you in your sleep, or—"

"Then why haven't you?"

Vincent didn't know how to answer that. Because I'm still not all there? Because I'm waiting for your guard to lower?

Excuses.

All excuses.

He couldn't because Cid was a decent person, gruff and definitely rough around the edges but he was kind to a fault. He didn't demand anything from Vincent except that he heal.

"I'm going to work now. You should at least put on a coat if you're gonna sit out in the cold."

Vincent swiveled to look at the blonde who was donning his jacket with a cocky smirk on the other side of the screen. Twin crimson rolled as he ran idle fingers over his wound, now nothing more than a phantom ache that zinged if he moved wrong. He swung himself off the railing where he'd been perched, staring out at the trees and buildings, thinking.

Thinking and wishing.

Vincent went inside to see Cid off.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Veld's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he watched the target they'd been scouring the city for suanter inside.

"Finally found you, you slippery bastard."

He smirked as his fingers curled around his phone.  
>"We're gonna put you down for good this time."<p>

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The members for AVALANCHE, a small gang who was rising in both rumor and reputation milled around in the bare warehouse as they chatted with the lower ranks from Regenesis.

"Isn't it beautiful my love?"

Hojo snaked an arm around Scarlet's waist and pulled her against his side. "We're organizing. We're becoming bigger. Soon the rest of the world will shudder at our name."

"Regenesis is eternal", she whispered.

He smiled as his phone rang.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Leave them alive?"

Veld nodded, his distaste clear. "This is only a message to the Beast. We have to flush him out."

Shelke's shoulders sagged with relief then squared again at the look Veld cut him. "Of course, a little…accident here and there wouldn't be so bad."

The younger male's throat bobbed with a nervous swallow. He shuffled and squeaked when he backed into a warm chest. Kadaj bent down and laughed in his ear. "Man, this brings back memories. We haven't knocked over a quickie mart in forever."

Veld snorted then turned back to the square of white glaring out into the darkness, HIGHWIND standing out in sharp, yellow block letters. "It's not a quickie mart. It's a _service station_."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Yuffie was pulling down a box of twinkies from the back when the door slammed. She turned, eyes wide to find Leon banging on it. The click of a latch sounded, locking them both in.

"Keep her safe", she heard Cid's muffled roar.

Leon pummeled the steel with his fists, the dull clang of metal jarring and ugly in this small, dimly lit place. "Cid! Cid, goddammit!"

Noise, static. Glass exploding and fleshy squelches from punching, kicking. Scuffles, grunting. A howl of pain.

"Cid!"

Yuffie hugged herself and started crying. Leon stiffened and turned back to her, his face wrought with anguish. He opened his arms and she hadn't even realized she'd picked her feet up until her cheek was buried in his shoulder. His arms came up around her, bruised knuckles digging into the small of her back and leather squeaking as they clung to one another while chaos detonated on the other side of the door.

"Give our regards to Vincent."

A whoosh. A thud from a boot in the gut. Coughing. A stifled groan, then the unmistakable sound of a heavy body sliding down the door.

Silence.

Leon's arms tightened as Yuffie's howls reached a crescendo.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

When the door scraped open on rusty hinges, both youths rose to their feet on shaky legs and bum rushed the surprised policeman. "Where is he!?"

"Calm down ma'am. Everything will be—"

"_Where_ is he?!"

Yuffie's hand strangled her twinky and white oozed from the spongecake. She looked left, right.

Almost fainted with relief.

"Cid…"

The blonde man looked up, lip busted and one eye swollen shut. When he grinned one of his teeth was missing. He waved away the hovering EMT who tried to shine a light in his injured eye. He stood with some effort and winced as he wrapped one arm around his waist.

"Mr. Highwind, I really think—"

"I ain't going to no fuckin hospital if I can't smoke. Get off me already."

The EMT stepped back with pursed lips and turned to the two approaching teens. "Is he always like this?"

Leon shrugged. "You learn to live with it."

Cid opened his free arm and for once, Yuffie didn't jump on him which in and of itself showed how shaken she really was. Even so he winced when she hugged him.

"Hey big girl. How ya doin'", he rasped against her hair. She sniffled.

"I-I'm good pops."

"Did Leon protect ya?"

She nodded against his neck and started to tremble. "How are _you_?"

He let a hiss out then sucked his teeth as he sat back down on the crate he'd been previously resting on. "Been better."

Yuffie made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob as she sank down and propped her forehead on his knee. Without being asked, Leon shook a stick from his pack and handed it over to Cid who tucked it behind his ear while he patted the girl on her head.

"Why don't you go on home now?"

Her hair spilled over her eyes as a petulant lip poked out. "Don't wanna."

"We'll walk you home", Leon growled.

Cid glanced up at him then scowled. He turned to the approaching policeman.

"There's—"

"Nothing else you can do. I know. There's nothing you can ever do."

An offended brow rose. "We're filing a report sir. As far as damages—"

"I get it", Cid snarled through gritted teeth. He spit and it was pink against the white tile.

The cop scratched something on his notepad and scratched his ear with the pen as he cocked his hip. "We'll need to question you…"

Cid groaned. "I know damn well you can do that later. I want to go _home_ now. "

"We'll be in touch Mr. Highwind."

Cid eyeballed him as the man stepped through the shattered window, his footsteps crunching over the Plexiglas. When he was sure he wouldn't be seen, the older man flipped his retreating defender the bird. Yuffie snickered and mirrored the gesture.

"Yuffie, no."  
>Cid tapped her nose and she smiled through tears at him. He rose to his feet on his own power, though his body gave an audible creak of protest. He swayed a little, batting away Leon's hand when the brunette gripped his elbow to steady him.<p>

"Off", he snapped and started to hobble towards the door. For posterity's sake he snagged the handle and scraped an arc through the pile of glass as he swung the skeletal frame open and wobbled out the door.

"Fuck. My jacket."

He was about to turn when a warm bundle flumped softly against his shoulder.

"Let's get you home."

"Guys, you don't—"

"Cid", Leon grit out. "You take care of us all this time. Let us at least do this for you."

Yuffie popped up and tucked her hands in her pockets with a cute lip pucker. "Yeah, Pops! In your own words, 'shut the fuck up and let's go'."

Cid blushed.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

When the door slamming rang through the dark house, Vincent padded out of the kitchen with a cup of tea—

And it promptly shattered when he saw Cid, sagging between his two employees with his arms slung over each of their shoulders. He had enough awareness to stand aside when they staggered past, receiving a healthy glower from the taller brunette he remembered as Leon. Vincent's feet felt like they weighed a ton as he followed them into the back room.

"What…happened?"

Leon whirled and was on him, fisting his hands into the flannel shirt and slamming Vincent into the rough plaster wall. "You happened", he snarled, stormy grey snapping with his fury. "_You_ and your fucking _Regenesis buddies _happened."

Vincent paled as Leon pulled him forward a little them rammed him twice as hard into the wall, stealing his breath as ice washed over him.

"No…"

"Yes." Leon panted and stepped back as he rolled both shoulder's then spit in Vincent's face. The shorter male didn't flinch, didn't even move when the brunette jabbed a finger at the shallow husk that was Cid on his bed. "See that? That's your fucking fault. After all he's done for you—"

"I didn't know …" But his voice was gravelly because he did know. It was only a matter of time and Hojo never left loose ends.

"I'll tell you what you don't know. You don't know the name on his lips the whole time those fucking cowards ganged up and kicked the shit out of him do you? Do you?! It was yours! He called your name over and over as he screamed. He's protecting you and for what? For this!? "

Vincent dipped his head and slid down until his face rested on his knees, hands bunched in his hair. "I'm sorry."

Leon reached down to drag him back up but Cid's voice forced the scene to a screeching halt. "Enough." Leon swiveled back to glance at his boss, even Vincent poked his head up.

The eldest was propped up with one arm wrapped around his middle, expression cloudy with quiet rage. "Don't judge people based on their pasts Leon. You better than anyone should know not to."

"This scum doesn't deserve—"

"Leon—"

"Can you even see yourself right now?!"

"Enough", Cid roared and he was on his feet, chest heaving, fists balled at his sides. "Boy, I have never hit you but I am _this_ close." He held up two fingers.

"You'd hit me for him", Leon sneered. His face crinkled with disgust as Cid's eyes narrowed into slivers of glass.

"Get Yuffie, get yourselves home, and cool the fuck off."

"What if they're still out there", came Yuffie's hesitant whisper.

Some of the fire eased and Cid's shoulders slumped. "C'mere big girl." She rushed into his arms and cried quietly while he swayed with her, his face pained. "I'm sorry I yelled."

"It's okay…"

"You need to get home. You need to let your mom know you're alright."

"But you're like my _dad_."

"I'm not and I never will be. You know that little one. Come on, you've been doing so good." He hooked her chin between his thumb and forefinger, steering her eyes up to meet his as they crinkled fondly. "Don't fuck up cause of this old fart. I know you're scared but Leon won't let anything happen to you." He fixed the brunette with a hard stare. "I'll have his nuts otherwise."

She laughed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand, stepping out of his embrace and taking Leon's offered elbow. For once, he knew not to fight. He even cupped himself with his free hand to wring an extra grin from the shaking girl. But his lips set into a grim line as he flicked his gaze from Vincent to Cid and back again. They did their best to bore holes into the ravenette's skull as he addressed Cid. "If you need _anything—"_

Cid nodded and made a shooing motion. "Go away now."

They did. When the door closed, much easier this time, Vincent rose from his position on the floor. "Leon's…Leon's right. I should go too." He blew out a breath and combed through his hair. "It's time."

A hand hooked his elbow as he turned. "And where the fuck do you think you're goin' with such a lost expression?"

Vincent tried to shake his grip off and failed. He turned back, brows knitting together. "You heard what he said. Regenesis…they won't stop."

Cid nodded, face grim with determination. "And?"

Vincent opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "And…what if they kill you?"

"I can handle myself."

"Tonight was just a warning and you barely 'handled yourself'. Let go."

"_No_."

"Cid, please—"

"Dammit no. We're going to get your cat tomorrow and whatever stuff you need, then you're moving in with me."

"Excuse me?"

Cid's eyes flashed, daring Vincent to argue. "I know what those bastards are capable of. Believe me. They've taken everything from me once. I_ won't _let it happen _again."_

Vincent's mouth suddenly went very dry. His tongue turned to cotton in his mouth. "Again…", he croaked.

"Do you really not remember me?"

Vincent squeezed his eyes shut and locked his jaw. "No." _Yes._

"Let me refresh your memory then. I owed them money because I'd just been released from the service. My first store went under. They kidnapped my wife—"

_And your kid, Rikku. Little Rikku._

"—and killed her in front of me. When they were done with my girl, they moved onto Shera but they weren't slow with her. They raped her—"

_And she was screaming._

"Over and over they raped her and beat her and pumped that woman full of drugs until she was beggin' like some common whore."

_The mocked you while they did it._

"And I had to watch the whole time."

_I remember. I remember…_

"And I remember you." Cid's fingers dug into Vincent's shoulders. "I remember the nervous punk you were as you offered me a glass of water with the fear of the devil in your eyes. I remember the scar", His thumb dragged down until it grazed over an ivory pucker that blended in with the rest, for all intents and purposes as normal as the others. "I remember _this scar _from where Hojo stabbed you like a fuckin pig for trying to show some compassion."

_But they let you go._

"With the blood of my wife and child a debt was settled that day."

"I could hurt you now, you know." Vincent's eyes were as hard as rubies as they glittered in his skull. _Scare him. Make him push you away._ "I'm not that same inexperienced punk. I'm a monster now. What if I lose it and hurt you?" It was the easiest thing in the world to make his face twist into a depraved grimace. "What if I went after Yuffie?"

He expected…hoped for a lot of different responses. Fear, disgust, rage.

He was taken aback when Cid threw back his head and laughed. "Don't be fooled by the waterworks. She's more fuckin dangerous than a nuke when she get's goin. Leon and I are a failsafe for her but if anything happens to me, Leon's and I are the least of your worries.

Vincent blinked but Cid was still plowing on.

"Besides, I'm not a woman. What, you think you can rape me or something?" He sized up the ravenette with a snort. "I think I can take your scrawny ass. These bones ain't that old yet. Might even make you call me 'daddy'."

Lips twisted so they wouldn't tremble, the dam finally splintered. A single tear chased down his cheek as he whispered, "How can you just laugh about something like this? I've done horrible things…I've seen them and done nothing. I'm a monster!"

"Shut. Up." Vincent flinched. "I've heard that from too many people to believe it anymore. You're not as bad as you think you are."

"You don't understa—"

"The hell I don't." The old man's fists were balled at his sides now and he looked ready to haul off. He took a deep breath through his nose then hissed, "Do you regret it?"

Twin crimson blinked. "Regret? Of course I do…"

"Then fuckin do something about it instead of whining all the time about your sins. Monsters are powerful right?"

"Right…"

"Monsters are powerful enough to do anything?"

"That's what I thought, but…"

"Then monsters have the fucking power to change." Cid poked Vincent in his sore chest. "You can change. Atone for what you've done and what you've seen."

"…how?"

_Forgive yourself,_ Lucrecia whispered.

"By setting things straight."

The proverbial light bulb flickered to life. "You're…right. I shouldn't be the one taking a dirt nap." He spun around Cid and snatched Quicksilver from the nightstand. "I'll go back. I'll go back and I'll put Hojo to sleep. He's the one who—"

Frustrated, Cid snatched the younger man into a hard kiss. Vincent's body went stiff as a rod before the warning sirens screamed in his head. He struggled like a wild cat and shoved Cid off him. "What the hell was that for!"

But his back was scraping against the wall now, Cid's calloused hands cupping his face tenderly even as the kiss bruised his lips. The older man pulled back with a snarl, "To make you fucking wake up. Enough with this. Enough with the revenge and the violence and the _bullshit_. Change, and help all those like you off this path before they make the same mistakes you have. That's what you can do." His thumbs rubbed back and forth along Vincent's jaw as he dipped his head and locked their gazes. "Come on. Please… wake up, Vinnie."

The ravenette tensed at a nickname only one other person in his life had dared to call him.

"_You can't keep running away from the things that really matter."_

_Forgive…_

Ivory fingers traced his lips that still burned and throbbed, tasting of tobacco and blood and Cid.

"I'll fuckin tie your ass down if you refuse." Cid crushed the shorter male to his chest while his grip tightened despite his injuries, just to prove his point. "I won't let you go when I know what'll happen if I do. I can't save the world and I can't go back and do anything about my family but I can save you ungrateful bastards. Yuffie, Leon, Axel, they're all my…my brats. My kids", his voice cracked. "I love them all because _they're_ my family now."

"I'm not one of your 'kids'. You just kissed me, old man."

The ex-pilot faltered, suddenly unsure of himself. "I…uh…"

Vincent wrapped his arms around the taller man's waist and tucked his nose into the hollow of Cid's throat. He breathed in deep and smiled when the blonde shuddered against him.

"You're not…" Cid swallowed and fisted Vincent's flannel. "You're not the same as them cause you know…" Cid cleared his throat.

"And you kissed me to keep me quiet?"

A tremulous smile stole over Cid's lips. "Something like that." He dipped his head down a little and threaded his fingers through Vincent's hair. Regaining his confidence a little he grumbled, "I'd do it a thousand fucking times if that'd help you see."

"See…?"

"That it's okay now. That you can stay here and be safe and we can watch each other's backs. We can fight Regenesis in our own way."

Vincent's eyebrows quirked with a rare smile, then he looked down at Quicksilver and shook his head. "I can't. They're after me. Look what they did to you. Do you want that to happen again?"

"I don't care."

"Well I do!" Vincent's struggles reignited, the gun like an anchor to his reality. He wanted so badly to just drop it. He wanted so bad, despite his part in this man's past and his own heinous acts to drop that anchor and float away in the dream Cid was offering him. But he couldn't. It just wasn't possible.

Cid's breathing turned heavy as he grit his teeth and turned the harbor of his arms into a constricting vice. "You're…not…going…" In their struggles they'd migrated to the living room. Vincent reached for the door.

Age, even for people like Cid has a way of catching up. With a well-placed elbow to rib, the jostling proved to be too much and he coughed blood. The shorter male paused at the wetness coating his shoulder and reached a cautious hand up. When he drew it in front of his eyes and rubbed his finger and thumb together, rusty crimson smeared there.

"Son of a bitch. Are you fucking kidding me?"

Cid's ears pinkened at the sound of cussing very reminiscent to his own as Vincent eased him onto the couch.

"Stop fighting me."

"You first", Cid muttered weakly. He rasped out a laugh. "If you're so scared that they'll do this to me again then…stick close. Stick close, be a badass Gallian Beast and protect me."

Vincent paled. "You knew?"

Cid's eyes crinkle. "Of course I did."

"You knew and yet you…stupid."

"Stupid is as stupid does."

Vincent bit his lip and smoothed a hand over Cid's shirt. "You're an ass."

"I know", the blonde groaned. "A stupid ass", he added.

"A stupid ass who's making a big mistake."

"We'll see."

"I'm not calling you 'daddy'."

"We'll see."

The ravenette grinned. "Let's get you out of this."

The older man's eyes bugged. "A bit early for that, dontcha think?"

Vincent blinked once. He blinked twice. Vincent blushed like a burnt lobster and slapped Cid's chest. "You pervert. I was talking about your injuries. Your_injuries_."

Despite Cid's earlier bravado, his shade was rivaling Vincent's. "Oh. Right. Fuckin…" He ran a hand through his hair then flinched, pulling back to with a cigarette dangling between his fingers. "Ah, there it is."

He went to put it in his mouth and squawked when Vincent plucked it from his hand with a smirk. "Guess I have no choice. It's time...to save the world."

"Not the world. Just me." Cid cupped Vincent's cheek as the younger man grimaced, turning his face to press a kiss to Cid's calloused palm that smelt of sweat and grease and working man.

"Do you know what you're asking?"

"For my cigarette?" At Vincent's glower, Cid's voice softened with the weight of sincerity. "For you to stay."

"The man who had a part in your family's—"

"The boy who offered me water because he didn't know any better."

Vincent took a deep breath and set Quicksilver on the glass tabletop with a soft clack. Cid enfolded him in a hug, eyes twinkling before allowing the younger male to peel his shirt off and return a favor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>If ever you are shot, for the love of god seek immediate medical attention. I hate to say it but if you've got a bullet in your chest and you're not dead, get your ass to a goddamn hospital. The Jinshan Group, the Dragons, and the Yakuza are REAL and deserve a healthy amount of respect and an even greater amount of fear. They are no laughing matter. I may have portrayed them as a buncha pussies here but make no mistake if you ever find yourself unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of one of their guns. They are scary motherfuckers who know how to get shit done. Seriously, I had (keyword here being HAD) a friend who borrowed some money from the Yakuza for her little flower shop a couple years back. She couldn't pay it back. Guess what. Her, her husband, and her three year old kid all disappeared without a trace and their shop got closed down. It's now a noodle shop. And the Yakuza didn't let her go.<strong>_

_**I'm not kidding here. Be freaking careful if you ever EVER are faced with an encounter with these guys. No. Bueno.**_

_**ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I know this is probably kinda lame for me to say but writing this oneshot lit a fire under my ass and I'm chomping at the bit to crank out more LM. For my readers the first time, you'll get a kick out of how I've twisted it around to involve the two up and coming characters who are about to make their big debut. :3 Story's rollin'-rollin'- rollin'-on-my-word-documennnnnt~**_

_**This is a oneshot. As such, we are getting the idea of how Cid and Vincent develop their own dynamic. Cid's kinda what I strive for as far as forgiveness. Meh…their drama isn't over yet :3 Each character as well as all the rest in my LM universe have a loooot of growing up to do. But we'll get to that yeah?**_

_**Forgive ze typos. Will fix in due time as I catch them.**_

_**Review?**_


	14. Chapter 12: Son, You're Just Like Me

**Chapter Twelve :**_** Son, You're Just Like Me**_

"Whoa."

"….."

"….whoa." Vincent said again. He flexed his fingers.

Axel flicked out his knife, fearing the worst as he nudged the splintered door open further. A hand came down and squeezed his shoulder. He bared his teeth in a snarl and shrugged off Cid's grip, even as the older man chided for caution. "Think. Slow down."

**You left.**

The door creaked with a dead groan. The ex-pilot's eyes widened.

**You left, and you thought he was safe. You left because Xigbar was in a cage. You left**—

"Remind me to never get on blondie's bad side." Vincent appraised the scene with eyebrows arched in elegant approval as he flipped his duster open and reached for his gun.

Cid gave his lover a quelling glare then stepped in behind Axel. "Rox? You here", he called. No answer. Axel swallowed.

—**him alone. You left him alone and this is **_**all**_** your fault. If he's hurt, don't you dare look away.**

A faint thumping sounded from the bedroom. Figures were strewn about like broken toys. Everywhere they looked, boys—who should've been home studying, eating, getting ready for bed—were stitched in battle scars, all in various states of consciousness. The thumping grew louder, now they could hear wheezes between each jarring blow.

Axel kicked the door open and strode in—

—to find Roxas crouched in front of a very bloody Xigbar, bouncing his head against the wall like a basketball, knife drawn and cradled loosely in his free hand. The boy didn't turn at their approach. Axel didn't hesitate to step closer and wrap him in the shelter of his arms.

"Enough." He forced Roxas's head to his chest and opened his legs to completely surround him. His efforts weren't met with a struggle, and perhaps this was the most disturbing of all. Roxas melted into him with a bored sigh.

Axel didn't ask what happened. It was painfully clear, his lessons had been taken to heart. He wasn't needed anymore. Axel's arms tightened. "It's enough."

"Holy shit."

A woman was screaming again. The redhead scooted them away from Xigbar. The scarred boy hacked, head lolling to the side as he cracked his good eye open. It was a task in itself, seeing as the swelling prevented him from seeing much. His lips were split and undoubtedly numb, but still they managed a raspy, "Flamer."

Then he collapsed.

Vincent tucked Quicksilver away and headed for the door. "Sorry guys, gotta split. I smell bacon."

Cid hooked the ravenette's elbow for a quick kiss before releasing him. "I'll meet you at home." The other man nodded.

With a whisper of crimson duster, Vincent was gone. The ex-pilot cocked his hip and turned back to the two teens that crouched in each other's arms on the floor. He scratched his chin then plucked out a cigarette and nudged it to the corner of his mouth with his tongue.

"I did what you said", Roxas murmured.

Axel titled the smaller boy's chin up to face him. The bruise on his face from his father was yellow but now two horizontal lines carved across his cheek from the corners of his mouth, around his ears. They'd gagged him. Axel traced one of the lines with his thumb, brows pinching together. "I know."

"I let them hurt me. I…"

"You did good Roxas. You did so good. It's enough now." He tucked the blonde's head into the hollow of his throat and started rocking.

"I…was stupid. But I won't get in trouble. Let them hit you, make it count, break them. I bro-ke—" His voice cracked as he coughed. Pale fingers came up to smooth golden sweaty bangs away from his hot cheeks.

"You protected yourself. There's nothing wrong with that", Axel growled.

"Put your hands where I can see them!"

"Get on the ground now! Now!"

It was like a movie, but this was real life. It was real because the police crowded in, guns poised; too little, too late.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas's head jerked back from the force of the blow. "Hm-mm-mh!" He willed his vision to clear, to not blur and tear up but his body was ever the traitor.

"Where is he? Huh?"

"Mmh!"

Xigbar clamped a hand over the smaller boy's cheeks and squeezed, using his momentum to toss Roxas back on the bed. They'd come. Through metal lock and wooden door they'd busted through. As cold as the night outside, as mean and cruel as…

"I'm being patient here but if you won't tell me, we have ways to make this a little more...interesting."

They'd come. And they weren't going to leave this time. It had been different on the street. It had been a distant, romantic nightmare on the street. But this was his _home_; his tattered sanctuary where his meager possessions rested alongside his sanity. Someplace familiar that would now be colored from the happenings of tonight forever—of those hands on his things, and on his bed, and in his clothes as they broke his illusion of safety into little pieces.

Luxord crawled over their pray, nibbling at the makeshift gag. He spidered fingers into Roxas's shirt before yanking. Roxas squirmed and grunted louder when his legs were forced down.

Xigbar settled against the wall with a smirk as he watched his men restrain and defile what was most precious to the bane of his existence. It hadn't been that hard to get in here. A pity really, how easy this was. Even if Axel wasn't here…there was still fun to be had. And it wouldn't be long now.

These fags were disgusting, the way they gravitated to one another. _No matter_, Xigbar thought as he smirked, _all things would be remedied soon_.

The peroxide-blonde slugged him in the stomach and Roxas sagged into his mattress, his muffled groan drowned by the creaking as Luxord straddled his stomach and made himself more comfortable.

"Remember", the leader sneered. "You brought this on yourself little boy."

Luxord squawked and went flying as Roxas summoned a last burst of strength and freed his legs for a precious moment. He kicked out with a teary snarl and flexed his bound hands, looping them over his legs.

He rocked up but Xaldin was faster. The beads in his dreads clicked while he swept in and wound a leather bind around the slender throat, licking his lips when Roxas choked, his body being drawn supine again. He kicked weakly at the sheets a final time and tried to blink away the dark cloud of spots fogging his vision. His chest heaved, lightheaded, body burning.

Fighting wasn't enough. He was too small. Too weak. Too alone.

Luxord resurfaced and placed his palm to the middle knot between Roxas's wrists, coaxing them above the blonde's head with something akin to gentleness. Blue eyes swam with grudging tears. The gambler's face twisted into a leer while he forced the blonde's thighs apart. As an afterthought, he snatched the gag off and drew back his hand with a hiss, suckling the blood that welled around the bite mark. His eyes glittered murderously. "We have a feisty one boss."

Roxas pushed himself back and arched his body to ease some of the pressure around his neck. He caught Siefer's gaze and implored for his help silently. They had a past…if he could just—

Siefer cocked his hip and frowned, casting a look about the ruined bedroom. The leader didn't notice him sidle up until he spoke. "You're not…serious about this are you?" His words came in a slow, methodical hum while he took up position against the wall with his arms crossed, like there wasn't a boy screaming and crying on a mattress feet away.

"About what?" Xigbar wasn't watching him. His eye was riveted hungrily on the scene unfolding.

Seifer gestured. "That. You're not really going to—It's gross. Roxas may be a loser but he's still a guy, you know?"

The sound of fabric ripping and a shallow grunt. Roxas thrashed with everything in him while Luxord yanked his belt off, folded it in half, and brought it down a few times on Roxas's naked stomach. The sharp cracks ripped at the air, drowned by the blonde's muffled whimpers.

"And if I am?" A cancerous smile spread over Xigbar's lips, head titling like he was appraising a fine piece of art.

"We've got stuff to do though. Hojo will get mad…"

Xigbar scoffed. "This won't take long." His single good eye flicked over to the other blonde, expression mocking. "I make the decisions here. Just sit back and watch."

Siefer sighed. "Guess it can't be helped then."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"I was wrong. You have changed."

The words didn't sink in. Siefer moonwalked around the destruction with a slight frown and hummed quietly to himself. Roxas stared at the minor ruin in his apartment. He didn't have much, hence there wasn't much to break or scatter. But there were bodies; obscene parodies of decoration that draped his couch, sprawled across his floor, his bed.

Bodies.

Bodies everywhere.

Things didn't matter. What they'd broken in him wasn't something material after all.

Siefer swiped the dripping key from the smaller boy's hand and fiddled with the sticky thing. He chuckled after a moment. "It's like…a keyblade." His thumb traced the jagged teeth and rubbed them clean as he too surveyed the damage. Siefer slid the key down the length of the chain with a metallic zip then swung it around, the makeshift weapon whistling through the stale air that smelt of sweat, fear, and blood. "Yeah. That fits. A keyblade…how did you do that thing before?" His face scrunched as he tried to reenact it but the key snagged him on the cheek. "Tch…fuck."

Finally Roxas seemed to hear him because he blinked then jerked both shoulders in a shrug."Where's Hayner?", he mumbled.

"He's got kendo tryouts. Punk threatened me, so I had to come check on you in his place." The taller blonde mussed his bangs and let the key slow to a lazy pendulum. "I'm glad I did though." He gestured. "Cause, you know, boukens being shoved up my ass are no idle threat when Hayner's concerned."

Roxas looked away.

"Hey." Seifer hazarded a glance in Roxas's direction. "Hey…I was being serious, you know."

"About what." He didn't care, but talking was good. Talking meant noise, talking meant distraction.

"Your…mom, dude. I'm so sorry, she was good people. If I'd known…"

Roxas grit his teeth. "Shut up."

"You were always such a momma's boy. It must be tough, huh?"

"I said, shut up!"

"You shut up, twinkler." The words were sharp and automatic as they'd always been. Siefer hissed and shoved his fingers under his beanie, scratching lightly. "Look…" Roxas turned to him to find the older blonde with a tight grin on his face. "I'm not here to fight. I think there's been enough of that tonight."

Dark laughter crowded the space between them.

"Rox…if you need anything—" A hand reached up like it wanted to clap him on the shoulder. Roxas stepped out of reach.

"…I hate you. Both of you."

The hand lowered. "We know. But Hayner gets what Hayner wants or Hay-Hay's mommy will go all Lion King on me." He pressed his mouth into a thin line, voice softening. "And, despite what you may think, Hayner doesn't hate you..."

Roxas snorted then leaned his back against the cool, roughened plaster of the wall. The difference in temperature made his temples throb. Roxas shut his eyes. "That doesn't answer why _you're_ here."

"Protecting my ass from big wooden sticks, remember?"

"This is all one big fucking joke to you." Roxas snapped his eyes open and rounded on him. "What the hell do you know, huh? You've got a mom, a dad, a little brother, and fuck it, even a little rat—"

"Chihuahua."

"Named Paco. And you're _still _an asshole. You've got so much and you take it for fucking granted so you can just keep your half-assed pity to yourself."

"Roxas, stop…"

"And what was with the stalling? If you came to check on me why'd you just sit there and fucking watch like some yokel when you could've…could've..." Roxas made a violent gesture.

"Did you just use Yokel in a sentence…?" Seifer snorted and shook his head. He grunted and tucked his hands in his pockets, shuffling a little ways away from Roxas's line of fire. "You're not that little Cinderalla boy anymore. I just helped, you rescued yourself."

Roxas deflated, swallowed. "Yeah..."

Seifer titled his head up and puffed out his cheeks. "You're not as weak as I remember. What the hell happened to you, loser? I never thought you could be capable of—"

"…why?" _Why, did you think I'd never be able to protect myself?_ _Why are you even trying? Why is this happening to me? Why… am I turning into my father?_

Seifer didn't look at the smaller boy as he sighed through his nose and shifted his weight. Roxas was one he'd come to know over a short time, shorter scuffles, and their game of cat and mouse that seemed so long ago. His younger stepbrother liked the kid enough, and because water tasted better than blood, though it may not have been as thick, Siefer upheld his end of the relationship. Pick on his little bros, but protect them all the same. Just don't let the little punks know about it.

Roxas had never been able to accept that though. It was only for a few months, then he'd left without looking back. Still, the dynamic between the three blondes was more quality than quantity, even if the third member wasn't always as forthcoming. "I was boondoggled", he said.

"Come again?"

Siefer shrugged one shoulder. "You know… swindled. I wasn't kidding about that stupid bouken. And, hell, even _I_ have standards." A shadow passed over his face. "It was fun for a bit, but I can't show my face on this side of town now. I hope you realize that. Threats of ass plundering aside, I can't come here again because if I do, mom, dad, Hay, and Paco will be in jeopardy. You can't ask that of me."

A muscle worked in Roxas's jaw. "Good. I won't."

Siefer's face scrunched with offense. "I did it for you."

"You did it for yourself."

"I didn't like Xig much anyways. Even scum should know when to play by the rules and when not to overstep them. He went too far."

**This isn't a game anymore.**

The words; the terrible, ugly, blissful luxury they banished made Roxas want to stomp his feet. They made him want to scream, to hop into his bath and scrub himself until all the bruises, the blood that mingled with his own was shaved from his skin.

But that just wasn't possible. Not anymore. Because after all this, he was the last one standing. And there wasn't a soul he was leaning on to do it.

**I didn't ask for this.**

"You should go." His tone was pleasantly vacant, steel lurking under flowers.

Siefer blinked, scowled. "I can wait till the police get here at least."

"You…should go. He's coming. He's coming and when he gets here…" Roxas turned and ran his fingertips over his grimy forehead before walking back to his bedroom, stepping around the unconscious gathering like they weren't even there.

The older boy watched him then swiveled slowly, stepping through the door where the lock had been broken. He'd done his part tonight. And he had many interesting things to tell Hayner when he got back.

Most important being, the meek did not inherit an ass-whooping tonight. Roxas wasn't the boy they'd known before.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Hojo steepled his fingers and pressed them to his mouth as Kadaj's leg connected with Luxord's gut once again.

"So you were messing around with some little grudge from across town?" The man examined his fingernails with pursed lips. "When you were supposed to be meeting your quota." Another kick. Luxord groaned and clawed at the cement, face twisted. "Which you still haven't met by the way. I have serious back stock and very…unhappy clients. Unhappy clients mean no money. Now, tell me what's wrong with this picture?"

"We..." He coughed, blood meeting the smooth floor with an obscene splatter. "We're sorry."

"Who's running this gang?"

"X-Xigbar."

"Not anymore."

Xaldin, one of the many on his knees before the boss, stiffened as a shadow separated from the wall and stepped around him into the spotlight. "Boys, meet Marluxia."

The pink-haired male clasped his hands behind his back and stared down his nose at the scruffy gathering. Two others materialized to flank him. "_This_ is what I have to work with?"

Hojo's chest quivered with an indulgent chuckle. "They're all yours. I expect results my boy."

Marluxia inclined his head then sighed through his nose when he raked another glare over the gang of ruffians. "I've got my work cut out for me don't I?"

"If anyone can do it, you can."

Luxord panted and straightened, clutching his stomach and baring his teeth at Kadaj. "What about…Xig. What about…"

"Oh, shut up", Marluxia sneered. "We've got it covered."

The peroxide-blonde's expression twisted with surprise. "But…the cops…"

"Precisely."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"We'll be filing it as self-defense then."

The officer clicked his pen and sucked on his teeth as he flicked his eyes between the two ragged boys, then the older man. He glanced around the room—much emptier than it had been before—then landed on the place where he'd started.

"How did he get out?" The redhead jabbed an angry finger at Xigbar who groaned as he was hauled to his feet.

The officer arched a brow. "Bail, I suspect."

"This isn't the first time he's done this."

"So we've gathered." He thumbed back a couple of pages in his notepad, pursing his lips.

"Will he get out on bail again?"

"Perhaps."

"What will we do if he comes back?" It was Cid who spoke this time.

"If he comes back…?"

Axel grit his teeth, pulse throbbing in his throat. He wanted to throttle this guy. "Oh, you know. If he tries to hurt Roxas…_again_?"

The cop gave a lazy shrug. "I recommend having the locks changed. We're filing a report now. If another disturbance occurs then call us—"

"So you can show up late", Axel muttered under his breath.

"—and we'll draw up a restraining order."

"And arrest him again", Cid ventured.

The cop nodded.

"A piece of paper."

The cop nodded again.

"What good is—"

"Okayyyy, well. Thank you, gentlemen, but I think we can take the damn thing from here." Cid puffed on his cigarette and silenced Axel with a glare.

The cop blinked and muttered something into his radio before turning. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder at Cid. "Haven't I seen you before?"

Cid snorted. "Yeah. Highwind service station, broken windows, crushed twinkies. That was me."

The officer swept the trio with a look and raised an eyebrow. "You seem quite… used to this."

The ex-pilot smirked and cocked his hip. "You have no idea." He examined his nails. "Now, do what you do best and scram."

"Watch yourself _sir_."

He glanced back up long enough to narrow his eyes at the retreating uniform. "I'm the only one who can", Cid muttered under his breath.

The police trickled out of the residence, tactfully soothing the surrounding neighbors who peeked from their windows and milled outside in their bathrobes despite the nippy weather.

Roxas tilted his head to the side and wrapped his arms around himself. He was on his feet again and he wasn't the fragile boy that only a short while ago fell apart under the hands of his tormentors, his father, his mother. He wasn't the same boy who cowered, who feared being alone.

A chill that had nothing to do with the temperature stole over Axel as the blonde stiffened against him.

"You can go."

Twin emeralds blinked stupidly. "No way."

Roxas looked up at his new boss and sighed his thanks. He turned as the ex-pilot donned his jacket and regarded Axel with a weary expression. "I'd like to lay down now. You should go. Really."

Axel cut him a hard look. "A wise man once told me, 'just because you can, doesn't mean you should'. I hate to tell you this but I'm not leaving you."

Roxas snorted. "That's not the same tune you were singing earlier. Out of my way." He pushed past him.

Axel cast a pleading glance at Cid who only shrugged and lit his cigarette. "Don't look at me. The only thing I can offer is couch space and he's already declined."

"Then we've got to—"

"No Axel. Not 'we'. 'We' aren't fuckin' forcing him into anything. _You_ can do what you want, and I seriously suggest you try to fix this. But again, don't fuckin' listen to Cid. What does Cid know?"

"Hey—"

"Now, I'm not gonna wait, so if you're coming now then come or I'm leaving you here."

The younger boy gaped. "I can't believe you."

Cid puffed as he zipped his jacket up and toed on his shoes. "Its probably as safe as it's going to be tonight. You can stay. Or you can go. But Roxas made his choice loud and clear." The blonde glanced around and a fond smile crinkled his eyes. "By the looks of things he doesn't just talk the talk."

Despite everything a sliver of pride tingled in Axel's chest. The older man rubbed a hand over his stubble and contemplated a moment. "He's a scrawny brat though. He couldn't have done this by himself." Blue bored into guilty green. "I'm glad you aren't the only one looking out for him at least."

"Maybe if you just grabbed his ankles, I'll get his wrists and we can—"

"Bye."

Axel pressed his lips into a thin line while he barricaded the door as best as he could. Tomorrow. Locks could be fixed tomorrow. Messes could be cleaned tomorrow. He turned and made his way down the hall to Roxas's room. The door was cracked open slightly, a dark column.

The redhead groped for a light switch then winced at the sudden illumination. The change didn't seem to register with Roxas. No surprise, no irritation rippled behind that careful expression. The boy was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed loosely and his fingers laced in his lap, back hunched. His eyes were trained, intent on the blank TV screen... he'd gotten a TV in Axel's absence. Wow.

Axel almost wanted to find it amusing. He was watching that blank screen now. What was he seeing?

Sighing, the taller boy strode across the room and crawled onto the bed behind his charge. Axel leaned over and clicked on the TV.

"I thought I told you to go."

"I thought you said you wanted to lay down."

"I do", Roxas whispered. "I do."

Axel made sure not to touch him as he pulled his legs up into an apex and reached around Roxas so the blonde could see his hands. Pale fingers plucked the air in invitation. "Then lay down."

A warm chest pressed against his back as Roxas heaved a satisfied sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You don't have to… be here." Roxas's wrist swiveled in a lazy gesture. "I…" He swallowed. "I guess I can do it now. You don't have to protect me anymore."

Axel snorted. "Kid, I don't _have_ to do shit. I do it because I want to."

Roxas puffed out his cheeks and lolled his head back, closing his eyes. "I said awful things to you."

"I ran out on you like a goddamn coward." He pointed a finger in his conviction. "Like a supreme weenie with my tail tucked between my legs. That pretty much makes us even I think."

Roxas squeezed his thigh. "You're not a coward."

"So you're not denying the supreme weenie bit?"

"Nope."

Axel scoffed, his eyes twinkling. "Oh Rox, you wound me." His arms tightened, shifting Roxas around a little so he could speak into his hair. "Neither are you." Axel plucked the tan hand up and laced their fingers together. "A coward I mean." Gold spikes tickled his chin when Roxas nodded. Axel held their hands up to survey all the differences between them. The callouses on Axel's hands, the tender smoothness that was and always would be Roxas. The pale, the tan, the long, the short, their variances that beat with the same breath of life.

Axel pressed the tangle of digits to his lips and carefully kissed each and every one.

An insistent rap. Cursing. Cid.

"Jesus, what now."

He scooted back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. With a growl Axel hauled himself to his feet and shuffled down the hall. He cracked the door open then fumbled with the triple-tiered bento the elder shoved into his hands. Cid cleared his throat. "I know you brats haven't eaten yet. Be sure to get down somma this shit. Got me?"

"Yeah. Uh…thanks." But Cid was already clunking down the stairs again with his collar popped and his hands shoved into his pockets.

Axel brought the lunchbox up and sniffed. He smiled.

When he spread the lacquered boxes out and forced a pair of chopsticks into Roxas's fingers he realized it was a lost cause. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat."

"I need you to go away. You seem to have no trouble disappearing when I want you here."

So much for making progress…

Axel exhaled through his nose. "Hey Roxas?"

When the blonde turned to him Axel shoved a lump of rice into his open mouth that had undoubtedly been working up a snippy comeback. Roxas choked and slumped all his weight on the arm Axel kept dragging his fingertips over gently. He laid his cheek on the pale limb and shivered a moment. "You're not going?"

"I'm not going."

Roxas sat back up a little and allowed Axel to feed him a bite, then took one for himself. Over and over they repeated this in silence with the TV droning some variety show in the background.

A tender ritual, a sacrifice, an offering; in this manner they took their sustenance then Axel gathered the bento and set it on the ground before propping on his side and plucking the air with his hands. Roxas crawled over and laid his back against Axel's front, burying his face into the fold of the redhead's elbow. He dozed off with Axel kneading his back and shoulders until he was poked awake and nudged into the bathroom.

Axel stripped and followed him into the scalding stream as he scrubbed the grime and blood and icky thoughts away. Then he dressed Roxas and carried him back into the bedroom, all in silence. When he tucked Roxas in and the blonde was sure he'd try to amble into the living room or something, Axel crawled into bed as well like they had been doing this their entire lives and would continue to do so.

"It's warm", Axel mumbled around a grin, his eyes closed. His voice was low and caressed Roxas's neck. The blonde shivered, pulling the blanket up to his chin and rolling to his side as he scooted over.

"It's hot. You're lying too close." _It's cold. Come closer. You'll never get close enough because this skin separates us._

"Should I make it hotter?" _I will brand myself into your body, I will cauterize your heart._

"….."

"Hm?"

"You're such a perv."

Axel chuckled. "Just don't fart in your sleep okay?" He snaked an arm around Roxas's waist and pulled their bodies flush, shoving his thigh between the blonde's knees.

Just like that, without saying another word or doing anything he fell asleep.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Night terrors. The hands. His knuckles splitting as they hit another human.

The silent cries trapped his chest.

A skirt rippling. Running. Distant laughter that both soothed and made his chest tight with grief. The white. The white…

Roxas sat up with a gasp. Axel twitched then cracked his eyes open. "You alright?" His voice was gravelly from slumber but his arm tightened.

Roxas narrowed his eyes on the thin beam of light spilling through the single window. "Fine." He bunched his hands in the blankets and willed his body back under his control.

A pause, then, "Rox?"

"W-what?"

"Who helped you?"

"Helped? Oh…nobody."

Another pause. The arm loosening as Axel shifted. "That's fair."

"Axel?"

"Mm?"

"What did you mean when you asked how he got out? Did Xigbar get arrested?"

Axel hummed and his arms tensed again, urging Roxas to come lie in the harbor of his arms. The blonde complied readily. "Yeah, but he got to walk with money. It's always the money."

"Well it definitely wasn't good behavior."

The redhead snickered and littered kisses in Roxas's hair. "The same he wanted to show you, no doubt."

Roxas heightened his voice an octave. "Boy, golly gee, he sure showed me." He flexed his fingers and rolled his eyes, hauling the blanket over them as he turned to face Axel.

A muscle worked in Axel's jaw as he propped his chin against Roxas's scalp. Hot puffs ghosted against his neck and this was enough. He whispered, "Just don't get too attached. I don't know how long I'll be sticking around."

Roxas stiffened then looked up at him. Axel's eyes glittered. "Do you remember", he murmured.

Twin cobalt slitted. "The day we met."

"As friends."

He closed his eyes again and traced his nose along Axel's jaw. The older boy dipped his head, his lips dry and warm and soft as he murmured with a voice heavy from exhaustion, "Do you feel…whole?"

Roxas laughed suddenly, a raspy bark that had a sharp edge but hinted at maybe being okay.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas was jolted from sleep the next morning by a terrible screeching that ricocheted against the fuzzy caverns of his skull. His arm swung out of instinct and slapped the snooze button. The alarm clock.

Nothing was wrong.

It was morning.

Nothing was wrong….

His phone wailed and danced on the nightstand and numb fingers groped for it. "'lo?", he croaked.

"Get up blondie. School today."

"I _know_. Ugh…" He slammed his head into the pillow with a muffled groan. "I'm up."

"Go, go, go! Don't wanna be late for your first day back!"

"Yuff…if I hadn't asked for a wakeup call I'd be entertaining very murderous thoughts about you right now."

"You do that anyways but we still love your gloomy ass. Now get up!"

He leveled a mutinous glare at his cell then pressed the end button when she started screeching about guppies and bacon.

The blonde forced his breathing to slow as he blinked the last traces of grogginess out of his eyes. He was getting a little too used to this violent upsurge in his life, he realized with disgust. The twinges in his muscles felt more familiar than wrong.

Roxas grunted and tried to sit up. He couldn't. A pale arm was draped over his waist, holding him in place. The boy's head turned and before he could stop it, he grinned so wide that it cracked his chapped lips open. He winced at the sting but even that didn't take from the satisfaction of the sight he was allowed to feast on.

Axel, slightly disheveled, still snored lightly in the grips of his undisturbed slumber. His brows were drawn together in a sleepy pout and he murmured some nonsense before drawing Roxas against his body and nuzzling into a tan shoulder.

In a gush of courage, the smaller boy shifted so he was facing the redhead fully. He licked his lips and leaned over, nudged their mouths together.

A husky groan vibrated between them as Axel smiled into the kiss. Keeping his eyes closed, he reached up with one hand to cup Roxas's cheek and draw them closer, tender pecks tingling. "Good morning sleeping beauty", he rasped.

The blonde slapped his chest. "You were awake."

"I was." Axel released him to pull the entirety of his body into a long, sinuous stretch. "Sue me." His muscles jerked once, twice, then the redhead melted into the mattress with a lusty groan.

Roxas huffed, throwing the covers off and padding naked (he blushed but his steps didn't falter) towards the closet. When he slid the door back, he was surprised at the feeling of such strong nostalgia at the sight of his uniform, hanging innocently on its hanger. He was like any other kid his age, getting ready for school. Surely, it hadn't been that long since he'd been to class. A week, give or take a few days.

A week.

Seven days.

No, it must have been more.

As he plucked it out and draped it on the bed, Roxas couldn't help but feel like he was some imposter trying to keep up with an illusion of normalcy.

The blonde flicked his gaze over to the clock and bit his lip.

"Move it Red. If we're late, Principal Malificent will be picking her teeth with our tibias."

"And grinding the rest of our bones into her bread?"

Roxas scowled and chucked a roll of socks at the redhead who didn't bother dodging. His grin was breathtaking as he lazed back against Roxas's pillows with a lordly air and propped one knee up. Absolutely… shameless in his naked state, perfect and lean and rippling.

The blonde swallowed and glared down as he fumbled with his cuffs.

"Want another sick day? I'm sure the school would understand."

"No…" He frowned. Their return was overdue and though his absence had been excused, Axel was probably going to be in trouble.

School was something so small and insignificant now. In the face of…compared to everything he'd faced and been confronted by. He wasn't an adult yet, but he felt aged and spread out. Lynching, gang violence, mother's death, Axel…then school.

School was for real people, not the drifting phantom he'd become. School and all the reality it stood for was more like a distant, blissful dream to him—like watching a toy commercial as a little kid, thinking and believing with all your heart that those hunks of plastic are really magical. That you can fight, cast grand spells, dance your dance with cheap slippers and plastic swords.

But…then you grow up and your eyes are opened. Plastic is just plastic, no matter how bejeweled or brightly colored. Maybe that feeling would go away if he could get back in the swing of things…or maybe he knew better now.

Axel wiggled his eyebrows in Roxas's peripherals as he pulled on his pants.

"Come onnnn, Roxy."

"If you don't hurry, I'm leaving you behind." Roxas stepped into the bathroom to brush his teeth and tame his hair. The blond locks stuck out at odd angles as they always did but with a watered down brush, and a load of hair gel he was able to bring the beast to heel. Pausing a moment, Roxas regarded his reflection.

He'd lost a little weight and his cheekbones were sharper than they were before. Everything was sharper than before. He reached a hand up to poke at a love bite that showed stubbornly through the various bruises on his skin. More hickies were sprinkled all along his neck.

Twisting his lips, Roxas tugged open a drawer and pulled out a bottle of concealer and a tube of lipstick. He swallowed and glared at them, tapping his nails on the countertop.

She used to do this. His mom used to spend a long time in front of the mirror just like this so she could present herself to the world, so that they wouldn't know that her husband, his father beat her. His eyes hardened, snatching the lipstick and circling it over the worst of his bruises. Then he took the concealer up and dabbed it across some of his fingers.

Blend. Smooth. Perfect…

He turned his head from side to side and examined his handiwork. It really worked. The part of the trail he couldn't smear over the uniform masked. He wanted to be sick. Roxas shoved the makeup back in its drawer.

He leaned closer to the mirror again and touched his face. Some of the concealer stained his finger and thumb. He rubbed them in a circle. It disappeared. Roxas glared at his reflection. Without the evidence of his new life he…he held a…a sort of a…glow?

Roxas blushed. Total virgin-girl-mode activate. He exited the bathroom and clapped off the light while he shook his head.

"Come on Rox, quit primping and let's go."

Axel's voice came from the kitchen. After making sure he had all his stuff, Roxas trotted in that direction.

"Who's leaving who behind now", Axel's lips curved smugly as he shoved a slice of toast in Roxas's mouth. "Wheat, slightly toasted with a little butter on the left side right?"

"You've got to stop putting things in my mouth Axel."

"That's not what you said before." He swatted the blonde's ass playfully before shouldering his bag and holding the broken door open.

Roxas lingered and bit his lip as he cast a last glance at it.

"Roxas." Fingers sliding against his own on the cold rail. "Cid's already got someone on it. Your place will be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Because that's just who Cid is. He takes care of his own."

Roxas scuffed his toe and squeezed Axel's hand. "I just work at his store. I'm not one of his own."

"You are now."

The blonde couldn't stop the smile that tickled his lips.

They didn't let each other's hands go as they headed to school with a rare, untainted happiness. Roxas wished, just once that someone would bottle that shit for when it was needed the most. Like, happiness in a can.

Chocolate ready-whip shots were probably the closest anyone would ever get though.

* * *

><p><em><strong>^^ So he makes a violent transformation. Poor little conflicted Roxie~ I hate being sick. Bleh. Well, here you go! For all you lurkers out there, our favorite frenemy makes his debut next chapter xD Maybe! Thanks for reading :3<strong>_

_**Review?**_


	15. Chapter 13: Girls, Boys, Grey Areas

_**Chkita chikita; update FEVAH!**_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter 13:<em> _Girls, and Boys, and Grey Areas_**

Nobody except the staff knew his mom had passed away yet. He could tell by the way his peers ignored him and the professors all cast furtive glances of pity in his general direction. Some even ventured a shoulder squeeze.

He was glad though, for all intents and purposes. Rumors had a nasty habit of distorting when they spread; in high school, at work, on the street. It didn't matter and it was only a matter of time before he attracted whispers that would dog his every step and assumptions that would defame a character he hadn't built for himself yet.

They trudged through the gates early, which meant time to dink around. Not that Roxas really took it. Axel tried to tail him but with a flick of his wrists, Roxas shooed the redhead away so he could see his other friends.

Roxas could sense their distaste, no matter how much Axel tried to shelter him. And it would be nice to gather his thoughts before facing this environment that had once felt normal. For that, some alone time was needed.

Roxas watched him leave with an expression that said Axel would've much rather stayed by his side, but as a perky brunette boy who always hung around Riku bounded up and poked him in the chest, Roxas knew he'd made the right decision.

Axel needed a life too. He didn't want to tie Axel down. And they weren't a…well, they weren't an official item. They were…God, he didn't even know.

Lovers?

Friends?

Friendly Lemonies?

He muffled a laugh and ducked his head as a cluster of girls cut him a glare. He hustled towards the door.

That is, he tried. In reality, he took one step and promptly smacked into something. Whatever it was stayed solid while Roxas sprawled to the ground in a dazed heap. He rubbed his sore noggin then stared forward at some darkly knees. Blue eyes followed said knees up and Roxas had to bite his lip in order to stifle a whistle.

_Ye Gods, and lack of tampons._

The thing…er _person _glanced down at Roxas from beneath pinkish bangs that shimmered when he brushed them back.

That captivating hair cascaded around an androgynous face and stopped just at his shoulders in razored layers. He was definitely tall and more than a little handsome, but there was something deeper than darkness that surrounded him. His condescending eyes made one forget for a moment that they were standing on solid ground. It was…. Compelling, in a way…

The daunting figure smiled coolly but didn't reach a hand out to help Roxas to his feet. The blonde glanced over his shoulder at the sound of a muted scuffle. Axel, furious and fighting the anxious arms of his friends, was gearing up to barrel over.

Two more boys stepped out from behind the glacial figure Roxas face-planted against. They flanked him nonchalantly and Roxas noted that they weren't quite so bad looking either.

Both had varying shades of hair in different lengths and styles.

One had ocean blue about as long as the first boy, but there was no questioning his gender. He stood with his arms crossed and towered above Roxas with all the ease of an obelisk. What looked like scars, or tattoos—…or both—snaked across his face in a menacing pattern. He was big, and bulking, and fuck-me-dead-scary. Orange-yellow globes glowered calmly with practiced malice.

The other one wasn't quite so scary, but still carried a lethal air about him. If Roxas were standing on his feet, he'd be just about equal in height to this guy. His features were a lot more feminine, with an angled pale face and slate-grey hair that reached just past his chin. It was parted to one side so that only the right eye could be seen, but the effect was no less intimidating. He clutched a book in his hands that looked big enough to clobber a baby seal with. His was, overall, a look that made Roxas want to run a hand through his hair and tuck in his clothes for good measure.

All three were unsettling…

Roxas snorted. "Why is it always in groups", he muttered.

"What was that?" The first aggressor's scrupulous features morphed into an ugly sneer. "You have something to say?"

Roxas curled his lip. Maybe he might have felt threatened before, but playground bullies were nothing more than that now; child's play. "Yeah. I did. Why the _fuck _do I always get attacked by people who have to have a fucking posse around when they do it? Does it make you feel strong, huh? Or does the pink hair do that for you already?"

Eye's glittering, the figure gestured. "Saix, Zexion, let's take out the trash shall we?"

The two perked up at their respective names and bent to haul the blonde up, one by each arm.

"Can't we all just get along", Roxas drawled.

"Can it, blade fodder", the one called Saix all snarled the command.

Roxas balked, coming to his senses as a knife suddenly nudged his adam's apple. Roxas's own was tucked in his pocket, out of reach. He swallowed, some of his fight dampening. As if this weren't enough, Saix drew the blade back and licked it while raking Roxas with a meaningful glare. "Real big man now, aren't ya", he sneered.

The other one—who Roxas so cleverly deduced was Zexion—shuddered. "Let's not make this anymore gruesome than it has to be. I hate getting my hands dirty."

The taller boy tsked, casting a final, wistful glance at his knife then tucking it into his back pocket again.

Marluxia tapped his chin thoughtfully. "What was it you were saying before? No, wait. I don't care." He glanced between his two boys. "So, what'll it be this week children? A dip in the trashcan? Solitary confinement in a marooned locker somewhere?"

The others chuckled.

"Hey, wait. Let's be reasonable about this. Come on, it was an accident. You got in my way."Roxas fidgeted a little. If he could just—

"Accident", Marluxia carried on in mock astonishment, "Accident? I got in _your_ way? Do you even know who I am?"

Roxas blinked. "Nope."

A sharp crack, the leader shook his hand to ease the sting and simpered at the mark he'd left on Roxas's cheek. "The name is Marluxia, worm. You'd do well to commit it to memory."

Roxas winced and fought back the tears but couldn't quell the whole flood while he worked his smarting jaw. He looked around, felt like a helpless ass being led to slaughter. The whole cafeteria was still now, watching their little performance with a sickening glee that was exclusive to teenagers.

"Oh, no one will help you. I run this school." He examined his fingernails.

"Since when", Roxas growled. He might've been clueless but he'd have remembered seeing someone with _pink_ hair.

"Since last week."

Oh…

Marluxia tilted back his head and belted out a mocking laugh that boiled down to a startled gurgle. In that short time Axel had weaseled his way past the trio's defenses and snuck up behind the gloating teenager who was drunk on his pseudo reign.

Axel held him in a headlock and hissed three words that carried a ringing gravity. "Let him go." He jerked Marluxia's head for emphasis, making the other gag.

The onlookers held their breath as a moment passed. Then two.

Zexion and Saix exchanged a look behind Roxas. When Marluxia could stand it no longer, he tapped weakly at Axel's arm to loosen his grip. With green eyes ablaze, Axel allowed Marluxia to draw in a single breathe and give a signal to his cronies.

Roxas was shoved forward at the same instance Marluxia got dropped. Axel caught the blonde against his chest and cradled him there as he attempted to regain control of shaking legs. "Son of a bitch…" The blonde massaged his throat then shoved Axel back. He spun around, face livid, hand fishing for his knife.

Fuck pussyfooting around. They wanted a fight? They'd get one. He wrapped his fingers around the shock of cold steel in his pocket and was about to pull it out when Axel gripped his elbow. The redhead cut him with a hard look until Roxas relaxed.

"Father says hi."

Axel's head jerked up at Marluxia's words then his lips curled into a lazy smirk. The pinkette's triumphant leer faltered as he said, "It has been a while hasn't it?"

"We're keeping your cell open", Marluxia spat. His eyes flicked to Roxas then hardened. "Just in case."

The five males bristled at one another again when a bustling in the crowd commanded everyone's immediate attention.

"What is going on here!" They flinched as Principal Maleficent elbowed her way to the front of the docile mob. "Fighting is against the rules. Get to class", she snapped in a controlled hiss.

Marluxia and the other two glowered sourly. It seemed that nobody had ever argued with the steely woman before and won. Rumors alleged that she turned into a dragon and snapped up problem students as a side hobby. They were just rumors.

"_Now_, gentlemen." She puffed up and widened her eyes to emphasize her next point.

Then again… it's said that there's a degree of truth in every hearsay.

Not wanting to find out just how much of the gossips were true, all involved shuffled off in their respective directions, pausing long enough to push open the heavy doors.

"This isn't over Katoku. I suggest you keep a tighter leash on your new bitch from now on, or else he might just get caught in an… unfortunate _accident_."

"Just try it pretty boy", Roxas spat.

The threat simmered in the air for a moment before the trio turned. Axel lunged forward as if to settle the dispute there and then, but Roxas snagged his arm and pulled him back.

"Don't. I've got it." The blonde released him and flexed his hand around the knife in his pocket.

"Meguriaukagi, wait."

He turned back at the principle's call, coming when she gestured for him. "I understand your circumstances", she murmured in a low, stern tone. "But don't think that lets you off the hook to start shinanigans. You hear me, child?"

"Yes ma'am", Roxas grit through his teeth. His fist clenched and unclenched in his pocket.

She glanced down then met his eyes again, nodding. "I know it's hard, losing a loved one. But you're tough. You'll pull through. Off you go then."

You don't know anything, he wanted to shout. You have no fucking idea, he wanted to rail. In the end, Roxas set his jaw at her solemn expression. He had no choice _but _to pull through. The alternative was unacceptable.

Axel didn't say anything as Roxas rejoined him. He plucked Roxas's hand out of the boy's pocket and gave it a squeeze before tucking it in the crook of his arm. Roxas didn't pull away as they walked through the crowded halls toward homeroom. The stares the two attracted were a mixture of disgust and gleaming fan-girly insanity.

"Awwe, that's so cute. You two make a really cute couple!"

"Ew, that's nasty. Go jump off a cliff, you fucking faggots."

The swirling myriad of insults and compliments made Roxas's ears ring. He cringed when he felt a loogie hawk itself into his hair. "Oh, come on", he groused.

Axel whipped around and scanned the crowd for the offender, but it was impossible to pinpoint anything in the sea of bodies.

Like two shipwreck survivors , they waded into the classroom. After a moment, Axel smiled down at Roxas and handed him a handkerchief. Roxas swiped at the boogery mess in his hair as he asked, "More friends of yours?"

Axel rolled his eyes. "Hardly."

"Who was he?"

"Son of the police chief", the redhead muttered. "And he makes sure no one forgets it." Axel chewed on the inside of his cheek as he glanced around. "Must've transferred here while we were out."

The blonde mulled this over while he finished toweling himself clean in silence. Afterwards he somehow managed to force his face to hitch itself into a grin.

As far as everyone else was concerned, Roxas was a whiney little boy in need of protecting. The blonde could feel his blood throbbing contrary to this however.

**Cut them. Break them. Show them a taste of your power. You've been reborn boy.**

"_**Use the element of surprise to your advantage. It's one of the only things you've got."**_

Axel's voice rang in his ears. Roxas scowled, realizing how right he'd been at the time. For now, it would do to let them think what they would. It was better to keep his head down.

Axel watched him carefully in his peripheral, the expressions that flitted across his face reflecting the blonde's inner struggle.

"Do you want to go back home?"

Roxas shook his head, tucking his trembling hands back in his pockets after he gave the hanky back. "I'm alright."

"You sure?"

"I said I'm alright", Roxas snapped. He pressed his lips together as Axel's hands shot up.

"Ok. Ok, we'll get through the day then. Come on, let's…let's sit down."

Roxas allowed himself to be led to their spots. Just as they managed to settle themselves in, a shout sounded from the hall. A blonde who seemed the epitome of organized chaos careened through the teens and toppled unceremoniously through the door.

There were only a few students in the room and they regarded him with annoyance. Roxas blinked, mildly surprised that nobody was jumping for their cellphones to report a rabid animal had escaped from the zoo.

True to his form, the boy jumped to his feet and rushed at Axel. Roxas tensed at the blur of red in his peripherals as Axel got up and locked arms with the blonde in what first seemed like aggression. But as he opened his mouth, Roxas realized these two were friends.

He had been one of the ones sitting with Axel at lunch that first day.

"You ballsy bastard", he howled.

Roxas blinked again.

Axel grinned and clocked him over the head affectionately.

"I can't believe you! Are you retarded or something", he pressed.

"Not as retarded as you. Remember Dem, I'm not the one who got drunk and spooned a penguin."

Demyx's face scrunched. "Will you ever let me live that down?"

Axel scoffed. "The answer that you're probably looking for is: 'Sure, Demy-boy. I'll let this dead dog lie.' The answer that you're going to get however is: 'eeeeh, _no_!"

"First, it was a plushy. Second, it was an_ emperor _penguin. They don't count. And third, those are Sora's parties. Weird shit happening is the trademark of the beast."

"Shove it up your ass, plushy pusher."

"That's not my department Ax. That's yours."

Axel answered by swinging at the blond again.

Roxas's eyes widened as the two exchanged more friendly insults.

Axel felt the blonde's gaze and shushed the rambunctious boy so he could make introductions. "Dem, meet Rox."

"Roxas", he corrected tersely.

Demyx quirked an eyebrow and held out his hand with a toothy, welcoming grin. Roxas frowned at it until Axel hauled him up and pinched his ass. The teen yelped and grabbed for his posterior, shooting the redhead a snarl.

"Lighten up kid, you're among friends."

_Friends…_

Roxas drooped, his expression pinching before he reached forward with his right to meet Demyx's left. He paused a hairsbreadth away, but Demyx pulled him the rest of the way into a crushing bear hug.

The shortest gulped and flailed for air, then his head snapped back as Demyx held him at arm's length for closer inspection. Roxas's cheeks tinged pink with self-conscious embarrassment as Demyx's eyes roamed every inch of his body. The expression on his face noted the proverbial third arm sprouting from Roxas's forehead.

"So, who are you?"

The other blonde was startled into meeting his gaze head on. Demyx's brow was creased and in the few minutes that Roxas had spent in his company, he could tell this was a rare expression.

"I-I'm Roxas weren't you listening?"

Demyx eyed him and his lips twisted to one side. "Not like that. I meant _who are you_", he jabbed his thumb at Axel who looked half-amused, half offended. "To jerk-o over there. Axel hasn't joked like that with anybody since—"

"Okaaaay", Axel cut in with a drawl. "Enough already, you're gonna give the poor kid a freaking complex."

Axel reclaimed Roxas's arm and pulled him back to his side. But now Roxas couldn't stop staring at Demyx. He swallowed. There was something _else_ Axel hadn't told him? Well, there was a lot, granted. But… What was the deal with that? Axel was one of the cuddliest people Roxas had ever met.

The professor stepped through the door and threw a pointed glance in their direction, silently squelching all prospective conversation."Mr. Shirabe", she quipped in a bored tone, "Get going. The final bell is about to ring in…" She looked at her watch for a second while the bell rang shrilly. "Oops. Too late."

Demyx grumbled and went to the front of the class to collect his detention slip for tardiness. He grinned back at the duo as they took their seats. "At least it's not the buckets this time."

"Mr. Shirabeeeee", the professor sang in warning.

"Yeah, yeah I'm going."

With that he stepped out and class started.

The professor set an armload of papers on her desk; shuffling them, separating them out into piles of pop-quiz pain when Demyx poked his head in one more time.

"Oh and—"

A marker whizzed through the air and hit him square in the forehead with deadly accuracy. His neck snapped back and a sound escaped his lips, vaguely resembling "hrrderk". Offended, he poked at the red mark he now sported then glared at the professor who was hefting another one.

"If you aren't gone by the count of three, it'll be a week's detention this time."

He pouted his lip, but didn't let her get past one before he disappeared again.

Roxas leaned over. Without glancing over at him, Axel mirrored the gesture. "What's the deal about the buckets", he whispered.

The redhead smirked. "We've still got corporal punishment here."

Roxas winced. Back in his old district, you just had to clean out erasers and do some other duties that were relegated for minor delinquents and transgressions.

"Yeah", Axel breathed. "Sometimes these stuffy pricks make us stand outside, holding two buckets filled with water."

"How long?"

"However long the professor says to."

Roxas cringed and rubbed his arms in sympathy.

Axel winked and flexed his muscles, a silent show to let Roxas know he'd martyred himself to the cause more than once. Their heads popped up as the door slid back once again. The professor turned on a dime and the marker flew from her hands at such a speed, it was barely visible. There was a poignant _slap _as the target in question caught it and twirled it with ease. The figure stepped in and waved an orange call slip, causing the professor to scowl thoughtfully.

"That's the second one in as many weeks," she mumbled while motioning the figure forward.

The person shouldered the backpack more securely and stepped up to the front for the tedium of introduction. At first glance, the person looked feminine so Roxas looked down again. Until he spoke…

"Xion Shio."

The voice wasn't too deep, but was low enough that you could tell he was male. He bowed, his smile soft and unassuming as he tucked his short raven hair behind one ear in a very feminine gesture.

Had Roxas been paying attention, he would've noticed Axel's immediate agitation from the time the other guy stepped into the room. Had Roxas been paying attention he would've seen how hard the redhead had his knuckles clenched, and how painfully his eyes scrutinized the other boy's every move. Had Roxas been just a little more aware…

Well, shoulda-woulda-coulda right?

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Marluxia coughed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Jesus Christ…"

He craned his neck and blinked hard at the familiar figure who was so utterly different in almost every way as he walked down the hallway with a swish in his hips…. Almost…

"Dude", Saix grunted. "You alright?"

Marluxia swallowed, his eyes narrowing as he cocked his hip. "Fine. Just…fine."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

For the second time that morning Axel became nothing more than a red blur as he shot out of his seat. Roxas's eyes widened as he looked over and followed him without getting up. Even if he'd tried, he couldn't catch up with the way Axel hustled from the room.

The boy named Xion also watched him go, though with a less surprised expression. It was as if he knew his presence would throw the redhead off. The teacher huffed in irritation and motioned for Xion to sit in the seat Axel had just vacated.

Roxas felt irritation prickle his skin as Xion plopped into the plastic chair, tossing the blonde a friendly, albeit sheepish grin, before facing forward to focus on the impending lecture.

Roxas hadn't torn his eyes away thought. That was the only reason he caught the words. Xion's lips barely moved but Roxas got the message as clearly as if the boy was hissing softly right into his ear.

"So you're his new plaything, huh? Well move over, because I'm back. And he'll be mine again in no time."

Roxas balked and glared at him, a cold weight settling in his stomach… How did this guy know that Axel and he were…what? That they'd slept together…

The blonde glanced furtively down at his body. He'd covered the marks, the …blech! The glow wasn't there, it'd burned away when they'd faced off with Marluxia, so how? There were no obvious signs …were there? Did he just scream 'faggot' now?

No. Of course not. That was…silly. Yeah. It was silly. His hand drifted up to massage the hickies he'd covered with make-up. Even if they were visible, they could've been from some girl! They didn't mean anything. His cheeks burned.

How did Xion know…?

"Oh, a very select few have ever taken Axel to bed. And only those of us who have can recognize it in another. But don't get too comfortable. You won't be occupying that spot for long." Xion flicked his dark eyes at Roxas then back up to the front. The friendly smile curdled into a sly smirk.

Roxas felt the sudden, petty urge to slap that cocky expression right off his pretty face.

Who the hell was this guy? More importantly…what had he been to Axel?

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><p><strong>Xion finally reveals her…*cough* himself! My readers before, what do you think?<strong>

**My readers after, what do YOU think? You may have been wondering why I decided to switch sexes for a certain character from the KH games from female to male. No, this isn't some weird m-preg thing (no offense, each to his…er…her[?] own!). **

**There is a logical explanation to this. I had an experience with someone from my childhood having a sex change. We went to grade school together and as far as I had known he had always been a guy. I moved for a couple of years but came back to do middle school in the same area and imagine my surprise! He turned into a she! He had been hermaphroditic that whole time and even though he was one of my closest friends I hadn't ever known. Through the entire situation and all the ridicule, he carried himself with a grace and a dignity that I envy and admire. My reasons for including Xion in this story are kind of selfish because I wanna try and put myself in his shoes but in a ****reverse**** kind of situation. **

**So please bear with me dear reader. ^-^ Daniel this is for you! And no, you aren't a conniving bitchy character. I just gotta paint Xion that way. On with the stuffff…this chapter is short, I know. But its laying groundwork for more!**

**Typos are, as ever, my enemies and I shall obliterate them in due time.**

**That said, review? :3**


	16. Chapter 14: A Pocketful of Promises

**_Chapter 14 : A Pocket Full Of Promises_**

_**January 7th, 2013; 1:04 am**_

"Grrbrk."

"Grooooss. Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Oh, stop being such a jerk." Yuffie stuck her tongue out at Roxas then dabbed her husband's cheek. "He's one of those rare wonders, you know?"

All these years later, she still managed to make Demyx blush. He swallowed then panted, "What exactly do you like about me?"

Yuffie leaned on her elbow and cupped her chin with a goofy grin. "You're a man who talks to your vegetables."

Vincent coughed into his coffee and raised his brow at Roxas, who rolled his eyes. "That's because veggies are the only things he can relate to."

Yuffie slapped Roxas's thigh and Demyx squawked. In the corner behind the leather couch, a low growl suddenly reached their ears. Vincent craned his neck, scowling. "Does she do that often...?"

Demyx glanced over with a roll of his eyes. "It's best if we just leave her be. My cousin is...special."

"Larxene", Roxas called over. "You'd better not be tearing up my couch again!"

A louder growl and fluff floating in the air was his only answer.

"Larxene", Roxas barked. "Knock it off."

The decapitated head of a teddy bear flew his way. Roxas caught it with one hand, sighing through his nose as he set it on the table and tapped his pen against the legal pad. Silence followed and after a moment Roxas turned back to an offended looking Vincent, smiling pleasantly.

"Oh what, like you've never decapitated a plushie before." A peroxide blonde woman rounded the couch and flopped on the floor in front of Demyx and Yuffie. Yuffie patted her head.

Vincent continued to look scandalized.

Axel made his presence known as he groaned and turned his head to the side, burying his face in Roxas's thigh. "Baby, when're you gonna be done? I'm tired." He turned his head back around again and gnawed on his husband's knee to drive home the point.

"Shh, hshh. Let me finish this." After running his fingers through Axel's wild locks to quiet him, Roxas readjusted his pen and glanced at Vincent. "Now, where were we?"

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Shelke dug through the desk drawers before getting frustrated, taking out the whole thing and dumping it upside down. He toed through its contents with a scowl; a few stray paperclips, some old school papers, scarred with crinkles like they'd been wadded up then flattened again with care.

It was junk to any outsider, only having meaning with its owner.

The young thug crossed his arms. "Where are you Vin", he mumbled.

A gun clicked behind him, the cold barrel nuzzling the base of his skull. "Right here kid."

Hands folding behind his head, the boy turned to find the one he'd been searching for smirking. "Oh God..." Shelke bowed his head, his lips squishing together. "Y-y-you're really ok." Blood throbbed in his ears like a tribal drum. The boy drew in a few shuddering breaths. He wasn't sure now if this was good or bad.

The gun clicked again, Vincent propped the muzzle towards the ceiling and his smirk softened into a genuine grin. "No crying now. Hojo would shit himself if he knew one of his men was wussing it up."

"He's been, you know, making with the ...uhm... since...well, you know..."

"Since he tried to kill me?"

Shelke looked away.

"I came here to check on how the repairs were coming, instead I find my favorite little mouse scratching around somewhere it doesn't belong."

Shelke's shoulders sagged with relief, a smile hitching on his own lips. Definitely...this was definitely good. It was almost imperceptible, but he could see it in Vincent too. "The best laid schemes of mice and men", he murmured, "often go awry."

The smile dropped. "How've you been?"

"...coping."

"Why are you here?"

"..."

The gun lowered again, and Shelke flinched a little when it slid like a lover's hand back into Vincent's thigh holster.

"Come on boy. You know I don't like to wait."

"Baby, you in there?"

Vincent cursed and glanced toward the open door where Cid was shuffling some splintered wood out of the way. "Who's that?"

Shelke twisted out of reach before Vincent could grab him. "An old friend", the ravenette smiled through gritted teeth.

His lover regarded the boy and shook his head. "That's disgusting."

Vincent came to stand by him, a vaguely offended look on his face. "What, that I actually have friends?"

"No", Cid grumbled. "That I know of only one place you could've made friends." He turned the full force of his glare on Shelke, yet the boy could sense it was directed more at what he represented. "They sure are getting younger."

"Don't..." Vincent murmured. "Don't do that to yourself."

Shelke's brows furrowed as he watched his old mentor pull out a phone and flip it open. "I've got it covered here. You can go to work now."

The older man's eyes narrowed into slits of ice. He placed his grizzled hand over Vincent's smooth one and gave a squeeze. "If you need me-"

"I'll call. Go." Vincent smiled when Cid leaned in for a kiss then cast a final look at Shelke. He turned without another word, shaking a stick out of his pack and lighting up on the way out the door. Vincent watched him go with a tender expression.

Shelke's eyebrows rose higher. "What...in the hell was that?"

Vincent snorted and tucked his phone back in his pocket before crossing his arms. "Yeah, yeah. Question for question brat. You know the deal and I asked first."

With a roll of his eyes, Shelke said, "You've been replaced."

The other male sighed and cocked his hip. "Figured as much. And?"

"And the replacement has a special interest in messing with Roxas...and tracking you down."

"Hm", Vincent mused. He glanced around at the damage. "So you're here on reconnaissance?"

Shelke stiffened. "No..."

"Don't lie to me little one." Vincent backed Shelke against a wall and pinned him with his crimson stare.

"N-not lying." A blush stained Shelke's cheeks. "I was worried about you, asshole. So I came to see if-"

"Okay", Vincent cut him off, ruffling the boy's hair. "I get it." He smirked. "Thanks."

Shelke pushed his hand off then gave him a once over. "So the rumors are true then? You've been tamed."

"Not even", Vincent scoffed. "I'm just sticking close until the heat dies down."

"It won't." Shelke swallowed. "Not until you're dead. You know Hojo, how he's like?"

"Yeah."

"The new guy is just like him. Same chip on his shoulder and everything. And they both want your hide."

Vincent rolled his eyes. "Cool."

"Its not safe here for the kid anymore."

"I know." Vincent sighed and rubbed his temples before meeting Shelke's admiring gaze. "I have a cellphone know."

The boy chuckled at their inside joke and pulled out his own. "I noticed." They tapped the bases of each phone together, exchanging numbers. "Stay happy while you can. I'll be in touch." Shelke walked out the cracked doorway with more confidence than he'd felt in a long time. Vincent was alive. He shoved away the dread tickling his chest. At that moment, the relief singing through his veins drowned out his fear of Hojo and the others. He squeezed his phone. Mission accomplished.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas's pen paused. "So he was in my apartment...and you let him go?"

Vincent hid a smirk with his coffee cup. "It all worked itself out in the end, didn't it?"

The blonde twisted his lips in irritation. On his leg, Axel swiveled his head and a delirious laugh escaped him. "Babe", he whispered loudly. "Babe liiiiisten."

Twin slits of blue flicked down to his husband. "What Axel?"

The redhead giggled again and stuck the tip of his tongue between his teeth. "Remember...remember those old preparation H commercials?" His eyes crinkled shut as he snorted to suppress more laughter. "Hey...did you know?"

Roxas palmed his face to wipe away the grin tickling his lips. "Know what Axel?"

The other male waved his hand, beckoning his husband down so he could whisper loudly again. "They used it cause their butts hurt!" He didn't bother with pretense as he slid down Roxas's leg, rolling around on the floor and laughing until he clutched his sides.

"Axel's tired", Roxas said flatly.

Yuffie looked up from petting Larxene's head. The peroxide blonde had fallen asleep against her knee while her husband was curled up against her stomach.

"Time to go", she asked.

"Please", Roxas answered. He glanced at Vincent, his gaze apologetic. "Let's continue tomorrow? I gotta get him to bed."

The other man nodded and rose to his feet. "Need help?"

Roxas shook his head and walked them out, Larxene grumbling and leaning heavily between her cousin and his wife.

"Thanks for stopping by guys."

They waved at him as the headlights exploded to life in the fog. The sound of tires crunching over gravel faded when they were far enough down the sweeping drive. Roxas nodded at Vincent who tucked his hands into his pockets and disappeared into the roiling mist, jacket billowing behind him. His steps were still predatory and practiced; the edge would never dull.

Even after all enemies were vanquished, the threats only slept. More could awaken at any time.

Roxas snorted and closed the door, setting his back against the wood as his toes curled into the lush carpet of his entryway. He blinked at the soft light, took a deep breath that smelt of cinnamon and vanilla. In this moment, he realized how lucky he truly was.

Leon came out, toweling his hair dry en route to the kitchen. He stopped when he saw Roxas.

"Everything ok squirt?"

He opened his mouth to answer when a howl sounded from the other room. Both males scrambled then ran towards it.

"What's-"

"Liiiiiick-a lick-a lick-a."

"I swear to god, Axel GET OFF!"

"Liiiiick-a lick lick!"

Leon's lips pressed into a tight line.

"Don't you dare laugh, you prick! Get him off!" Tidus was barely holding the larger man at bay, his fingers digging into Axel's cheeks as he held him at arms length and shrank into the sofa. "He attacked me!" Axel slobbered on his fingers.

Leon glanced at Roxas who shrugged. "He said he was tired, but I didn't know he was this tired."

"Still haven't broken him of that random licking habit yet?"

"I'm working on it", he snapped. "But vinegar in the spray bottle can only do so much." Roxas strode forward and looped his arms around his husband's shoulders, hauling him off Tidus who scrambled further back. Axel groaned and threw himself at the blonde.

Leon stepped around them and collected Tidus. "He licked me Lee. What are you gonna do about it?"

The brunette's chest rumbled with a chuckle as he nipped at Tidus's shoulder. With a sleepy whine, Tidus buried his face in Leon's neck. Roxas grunted, alerting them that they weren't in their room yet.

Leon shifted Tidus to get a better grip on him then loped for the doorway. "See you in the morning Rox." Tidus raised his arm in a lazy wave over their shoulders.

"Hey Roxas."

The blonde jerked at the hot, breathy voice in his ear. Goosebumps exploded down his arms as he hauled Axel to his feet. The redhead draped over him and they took their first wobbly steps. "Baby", he whispered.

"What", Roxas grit out. He could use a little help here...

"Im'a make your butt hurt." A slippery tongue followed his words, tracing the shell of Roxas's ear before drawing the fleshy lobe between his teeth. He worked his jaw a little, making his mate shudder and bite his lip.

"Ax-el..." The blonde jerked and gasped. They stumbled.

With a scratchy chuckle, the redhead straightened and they made it the rest of the way to the bedroom before flumping on the bed.

Axel rolled over and giggled again, slapping a hand over his face. "Butt cream", he mumbled. The redhead sighed when Roxas rolled him on his back and began working the buttons of his shirt open. "Sorry I made you wait so long love", the shorter male murmured.

He smirked sleepily. "It's k. You waited for me."

A stab of pain wrenched Roxas's heart. His fingers trembled then paused. Green eyes cracked open. Axel's hands rose and closed around his husband's, giving a squeeze. "I love you."

Roxas scrunched his eyes shut. Axel reached for him.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**_October 7th, 2007; 10:34 a.m._**

Awkward.

That's how it felt, trapped in the plastic chair for the next hour. Xion sat in Axel's seat as if he belonged there, as if he'd been there the whole time. He kept his eyes forward but his presence was enough to set Roxas's teeth on edge. It wasn't particularly evil, but...

When the bell rang, signaling the end of homeroom Roxas was surprised at how heavy his body felt. He couldn't get out soon enough. It was difficult to ignore the methodical smile branding itself into the back of his shoulders as he peeled into the hallway, but he didn't have time to dwell on how much of a prick Xion was. He had to find Axel.

He had to know just who Xion meant to him. Their relationship was still so new, like fresh skin after a popped blister; tender enough that if it tore it would leave a scar when it healed.

He blinked through the sting that erupted behind his eyes.

In the countless seconds he'd find himself with later, Roxas would realize how easy it was to forget about the bigger issues in life when you are confronted with little stumbling blocks along the way. Kind of like walking around a place after a natural disaster strikes, with bodies and debris lying everywhere.

The ones who are stubborn enough to stick around despite the chaos are left to wail at the sky and curse their Gods as they cradle their lifeless loved ones and pick through the remains of their memories.

They, like Roxas, are presented with a choice.

He still knew little to nothing about Axel. In that way, despite how many times they'd slept together and the bond they thought they had, Roxas was an outsider. He could still get left behind.

So here he was.

Axel had chosen to soothe his own pain and guilt, over his father, over whatever his past held, by lending a hand in the cleaning and reconstruction that riddled Roxas's life. Xion had caused him pain. With not even a word, that boy had driven Axel out of the room. He couldn't be the outsider. He would not just step aside and leave Axel to pick himself up from the dust. He was here, as Axel had been for him, to lend a hand.

No, Roxas didn't know much. But he'd met the man that called himself Axel's father. It wasn't a far reach to guess from there. He'd find Axel and let himself be used as a ready distraction from the redhead's grief…it was the least he could do.

Roxas's mouth drooped into a frown, remembering as Axel's face drew taught and haunted with pain.

He glanced around as he shuffled down the hall. Where would Axel be? The redhead usually stalked him, not the other way around. He wracked his brain as sandy brows pinched together. Even though they had lunch together, there was no guarantee he'd show. Class was another matter but they didn't share one until the last period of the day, and he really couldn't wait that long. His chest constricted with distress.

This was the first time in a long time they'd been apart...and he didn't like it.

His heart fluttered as he caught a chaotic glint of familiar blonde by the water fountain. Pushing through the crowd he managed to clasp a startled Demyx by his elbow.

The taller boy turned to him and pushed himself up from his leaning position against the wall. "What's up Roxy?"

Ticking a brow, Roxas wheezed, "Where's Axel?"

Demyx's lips twisted from side to side as he blinked intently at the lockers across from them. He screeched when a voice suddenly chirped behind him. Peeking around, Roxas noticed that he had been standing in a loose circle with some other people. He recognized a messy head of brown spikes that exploded outward in odd directions and a curtain of sterling that shaded suspicious seafoam eyes. He didn't know the others.

"I thought I saw him rush into the upstairs bathroom earlier. He didn't look too good", the brunette mused. Twin pools of blue sparkled at Roxas in a friendly way. He leaned against the older boy when a tan hand plucked his hip. "Did something happen?"

His companion shook his shaggy waves and frowned. "Don't get involved Sora."  
>Roxas narrowed his eyes into irate slits. He didn't miss the protective way the hand on Sora's hip tightened. Leaning over, he nuzzled the shorter boy's ear to cease his incessant verbal musings. "Riku, quit it!"<p>

Mildly disturbed at the lack of assistance Axel's friends were offering, Roxas stepped back.

"It's a seahorse."

"Woman, you're crazy, it is not a fucking seahorse! Sora, back me up!"

With that, the boy's attention was effectively diverted.

Roxas grit his teeth and turned around. He didn't have time for this. A hand on his elbow gave him pause. Turning, he found Demyx staring at him again with that eerily serious expression. Demyx was searching his eyes for something and Roxas didn't know what to offer, but at that moment he would've given anything if the blonde would lead him to Axel. But then, he might not get straight answers. Getting information, no matter how seemingly innocent was like pulling teeth when Axel was concerned.

Roxas steeled himself. Glancing around at the rag tag group he asked, "Is there anyone here who can tell me anything about Xion?"

They all shot him such a sharp look that he took another step back. So it wasn't just Axel who had that reaction when Xion was mentioned. Interesting...

"Why do _you_ want to know", a pale girl with even paler hair spoke up. She jutted her chin forward—challenging, intimidating, and even though she was short and frail it worked.

Roxas shifted his weight. "He's the reason I can't find Axel."

The sharpened glares dulled into blank scowls.

"Did you just say he?" Another blond boy with his arm slung over the shoulder of a girl with chestnut locks spoke this time. He was the one who'd been talking about seahorses earlier.

"Well, yeah", Roxas scowled. "Is there another Xion I should know about?"

"But I thought Xion was a girl. And she isn't even here. Why would Axel be running from someone who isn't here? Is he on drugs again", Sora pondered. He squeaked and turned into the taller boy next to him as his ear was liberally nibbled. "Riku, stoooop. Wait till we get home."

Roxas's nails dug into his palms as he clenched his fists. Why couldn't these guys focus for just a fucking minu-

"Who are you anyway?"

Roxas jerked like he'd just been slapped and looked up again.

"Tidus don't be rude! You saw what Axel did for him this morning. It's obviously none of our business. I'm sure Ax will fill us in when he's ready." The girl tapped her nose and gave Roxas a knowing wink. He blushed and scowled at her.

"But Selph, he's an outsider."

He grunted as the girl under his arm elbowed him in the chest. He rubbed at the spot and glowered down at her, his smirk dulling the miffed look. "Yes ma'am, may I have another?"

She snorted. "You're such a masochist!"

He chuckled and gave Roxas a deliberate once over but let the issue drop.

A redheaded girl tapped Riku and Sora on their conjoined shoulders and glanced at her watch. "Come on guys, we're gonna be late."

"Kairiiii, you ruin everythinnng."

"Sora, I'll ruin you if you make me late again."

The boy cowered behind Riku.

Peeved at their antics, she grabbed both of them by an ear and hauled them off while stoically ignoring their protests. Roxas blinked as he watched them link fingers behind her back despite the grueling pace the girl was putting them through.

The rest of the group disbanded as well.

A furious muscle worked in Roxas's jaw. The anxiety was burning his chest. None of this was making any sense. He pinned Demyx with an exasperated glare. The taller blonde sighed warily. He turned and began walking away with his hands stuffed in his pockets. When Roxas didn't follow, Demyx came back and grabbed his arm.

"Hey, what are you—"

"Do you want answers, or not?"

He glanced up at the clock. Classes were starting. He winced as his heart clenched. Classes be damned. Roxas clapped his trap with a click of teeth and allowed himself to be hauled away.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

It was like a manga or something.

Astonished eyes roamed the school roof. Up here it was quiet and they'd be able to talk in peace. Just to tickle his vertigo, Roxas peeked over the edge of the building and twitched when he saw a figure walking on the ground below. They were a few stories up, but it was still high enough to freak him out a little. He swayed.

A hand shot out and wrapped around his elbow, pulling him back.

His heart sunk when he saw the expression on the other boy's face. It was drawn, and grim. Demyx plopped down with his back against one of the cooling units and motioned for Roxas to do the same. He placed a palm to his eye and sighed again.

The fine hair on Roxas's nape prickled. Something was telling him he didn't want to hear this story, that once it was dragged into the light there was no going back. The boy swallowed and crossed his legs.

Demyx's solemnity was really starting to really screw with his head, enforcing the dread. After a long moment, his lips parted in a hesitant mumble. Roxas had to lean closer to hear.

"_Go on! You just keep running! But I'll always be there to bring you back!_"

"Huh?"

"Those were the last words Axel ever spoke to Xion."

Twin cobalt blinked as Roxas hugged his knees, waiting for the other male to elaborate.

Demyx closed his eyes as if the very words were painful while he dredged them back from the deepest precipice of memory.

"Xion and Axel were really close. I mean really close. Before she left, they were always attached at the hip." His lips pulled into a bitter smile. "Back then, our fiery compadre could barely keep a leash on himself because shit always went bad between his mom and dad."

Roxas nodded, remembering the husk of a man that claimed the title as Axel's father. Suddenly his seemed like dad of the year.

Demyx continued, "She died and his father was left with taking care of a son he never wanted. He beat him bloody every time he looked at him. As you might imagine, it did nothing for Axel's personality. He's always been standoffish but to say he was a scrapper back in the day is putting it mildly."

Jealousy and rage tore through him at Demyx's words. He'd seen it first hand, what the toxic relationship did to Axel. But to know that it had happened even while the redhead was a tender youth made him sick. While Roxas was being coddled, protected by his mother, Axel had no one...no one except Xion. his heart twisted in his chest again, making the blonde wince. His nostrils flared in protest as he focused on Demyx, who pressed on.

"None of us really knew how to handle Axel, and truth be told, none of us really cared until Xi came into the picture. In some cockamamie way she got through to that hot head. She brought him into our group and we all became really close. Beneath his barbs and walls, there's a good guy. You know?"

Roxas nodded.

Demyx stared ahead, his eyes glazed as he relived memories that felt private, even though he was laying them bare before Roxas. The blonde strained to hear every soft spoken word, hungry for everything he could get. He wasn't aware of the sweat on his palms, the way his hands were fisted into his uniform pants, or his clenched stomach.

The look that Demyx suddenly cut Roxas disarmed him. It was a naked accusation. "You love him?"

Roxas opened his mouth, scowled. He shut it and tried again. His breath caught.

Demyx's expression sharpened like broken glass. "You're not allowed to hesitate Roxas. Not. With. _Him_", he grit through his teeth. "He was left behind once. I _won't_ let someone hurt him like that again."

Again...

Roxas's head shot up. This is what he'd been waiting for. "I love him", the boy croaked, his breath shaking. "I...love him. Please Demyx..." The redhead held his hand as if they'd been lovers for years, as if they were pieces of each other they hadn't realized they'd been missing until they came together. Roxas's whole body suddenly ached from Axel's absence. "Please", he whispered.

Demyx's shoulders sagged and his lips tugged into a knowing smile. "We were all together from that first rocky grade school rumble, until the day she had to up and move in the ninth grade. All of us were in on it, except for the one who had the most right to know. It was almost cruel. She was his first...in everything. He'd always been more grown up then the rest of us, I guess. And sex wasn't an exception. You could tell they were meant for each other. But Xi took to pushing Axel away after she found out she wouldn't be sticking around for much longer. She wanted him to hate her so that he wouldn't be devastated when she left. It didn't really work." He gave Roxas a droll stare. "I was there the day she had to leave. I was the one who had to hold Axel back so he wouldn't run after the moving truck. And he screamed those last words at her as she left him behind. I don't think he's ever really forgiven me. I doubt that he's forgiven her either, though I know he's never forgotten. But there you have it. Before she was torn away, Xion had been Axel's everything." He swallowed as if his mouth had suddenly gone dry and croaked out the next statement. "Then the descent started. By the time she was gone he had already worked his way into our hearts, so we helped him through some of the rougher times as best as we all could. But you can't save them from themselves, as the saying goes. Now we're all he's got. Until you that is." His gaze was no longer hostile, it was intent now as he gave Roxas another once over.

"Wait..." the other blonde said slowly. In all this excitement he almost forgot about one very crucial bit of information. He chewed his lip and scowled, wondering how to attack this. "Everyone…everyone keeps saying she, but the Xion Shio that just entered our class was a guy. Did she have any brothers…with, say…awkward Axel fetishes?"

Demyx blinked. Then opened his mouth. Then shut it and blinked again, vaguely resembling a goldfish. "Xion was a girl. An only child."

His blood froze. "Then…then that means…"

Demyx finished his sentence. "Woah, Xi became a 'he'. I'll be damned."

The look of shock on the other blond's face matched Roxas's own. Now what? It was too much at once and the boy hissed, realizing his hands had clenched themselves into excruciatingly tightened fists. He forced his fingers to uncurl slowly, wincing at the blood speckling his nails and palms. He stared dumbly down at the marks he'd carved; tiny, crimson crescent moons.

This was too absurd. Past flames, sex changes, and an MIA knight in fiery armor. Great… Looking up at the grey sky, Roxas wondered when it would start raining melon bread.

A pebble plunked lightly against his forehead, calling for his attention. Demyx had sobered from his shock and sat regarding him with another openly hostile expression. "You never answered my earlier question."

"Come again?"

"Just what are you to Axel? Believe me when I say that he has never been that touchy or easygoing with _anybody_ since Xion. And I've known the boy for years. He's protective to a tee with all of his friends now, but with you he's…different…possessive. If what you say is true, about Xi being back and all, then what will you do?"

Roxas swallowed and struggled for words. What was he to Axel? He knew what he wanted to be, he knew what Axel was for him, but would the redhead drop his guard and let Roxas in?

"Are you prepared to fight for him?" Demyx's eyes smoldered at his hesitation. "Boy, you better do some serious thinking. I doubt Axel will feel the same about Xion now, but who's to say? If you step out and hurt him, we won't let you try and interfere with him and Xi. He deserves better than someone who won't fight to stick by side."

Roxas recoiled like Demyx had just slapped him. His heart felt bruised. Roxas crooked his knees and rested his elbows on them, hiding his face in his hands. He couldn't blame Demyx, really. This was how friends were supposed to act right? Not that he had much experience. Blonde brows pinched together.

Outsider was a term that had dogged his steps from day one. Why should it be any different with love?

He titled his head back up and slumped against the wall. This was going to be one hell of a fist fight. Demyx got up and dusted his pants off but didn't extend a hand to help the other boy up. Roxas wouldn't have taken it if he had.

The door suddenly flew open and a girl with peroxide blonde hair busted in."Demyx, you bastard!"

"Larx, babyyy", he drawled over his shoulder. His goofy grin pasted itself back in place. It was like a mask had settled against his flesh. This was the Demyx that Roxas had met. This was the face he chose to show to the world. The girl stomped over and snatched his hair, dragging him towards the door. "Ow, ow! Dammit Larxene, leggo!" He whimpered when she yanked harder.

"Not on your life shithead", she snarled. "You're the fuckin' reason I have to be so homicidal. Principal Maleficent is looking for you." She hauled him off the roof and down the stairs.

After a few steps Demyx managed to shrug her hold off. "Hey cous?"

She paused and glared up at him. "What?"

Demyx smiled and ruffled her hair. "Thanks", he murmured. She slapped his hand away then scowled. "For what?" She eyed him. "Are you high again?"  
>He snorted then tucked his hands in his pockets as he followed her. She was psycho, and way too overprotective, but Demyx wouldn't have preferred anyone else to have his back. He looped an arm around her shoulder as they continued down the hall.<p>

Meanwhile, back on the roof Roxas meditated on the quiet squeak of their retreating Wabaki as they left him alone with his thoughts.

Or so he thought.

He stewed for a long time after the slam of the door faded. Suddenly, a voice above rent the air like a clap of thunder. "Are you satisfied?"

Roxas scrambled to his feet and squinted up. Axel swung his long legs over the edge and hopped gracefully down. He rose from his crouch and the blonde fancied for a moment that Axel resembled a tiger with the sun dappling it's fur red—ferocious, restrained, and weary of the world. The sky above swirled with dark grey clouds, a startling contrast to the beast stalking Roxas.

Hazy waves of…fury? ... betrayal? ... _Something_ radiated off of his pale skin.

Blood drained from Roxas's face as Axel cornered him against the far wall. Gone was the compassionate, patient lover. In his place was a boy who was tired of being pushed around, of being left behind. In his place was someone who'd just had their past laid bare to prying eyes, all for good intentions.

"Answer me Roxas."

The shorter boy shook his head, at a loss. His knees quaked when large hands came up and slammed against the wall on both sides of his head. Now he couldn't run from Axel.

From this.

Tilting forward, the taller boy melded their bodies together like two pieces of a broken puzzle.

"Roxas…" The venom in his voice was gone as Roxas's name dripped from his lips. This wasn't demanding. This was questioning. It was a vulnerable request.

Glancing up, Roxas sucked in a breath as he drowned in those scintillating green eyes. He cupped Axel's cheek, his heart clenching when the redhead shut his eyes and his brows drew together. Axel titled his face so he could press a tender kiss into the blonde's palm. Roxas smiled, tracing his thumb over Axel's chapped lips and feeling a little thrill when the other boy shuddered.

Words would only cheapen the moment so instead Roxas's other hand came up, and both buried themselves in Axel's hair. The other male ducked his head and inhaled against Roxas's neck, his arms wrapping firmly around Roxas's waist.

They leaned into each other and stayed that way for a while. The two boys slid down the wall, not loosening their hold for even a moment.

A husky chuckle rumbled in Axel's chest as he clung to him. Roxas hummed and combed his fingers through the spikey locks.

"I keep saying I won't run."

"But you came back, just like you said you would. That's all that matters."

The storm tasted metallic on their tongues. Axel swallowed and buried his face in Roxas's chest, his heart giving a pleasant squeeze. He was here, and Roxas was his now. Thunder shook around them and the sky stretched on forever. Tan fingers danced over his brow, soothing the lines of his frown.

Axel began to tremble and sighed when Roxas's arms tightened around him. He mumbled something into the blonde's sweater.

"What's up?" Roxas shifted so he could hear his lover.

"Bring on the rain…"

Roxas hated the literalist in himself at times. He only took those words at face value, and if he'd been blessed with an inkling of self-awareness then maybe he could've prevented the coming storm.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**_:3 Goodness, what now?_**

**_You'll just have to read and find out! (In case you're wondering? Yes, I'm sticking my tongue out at you.) Really tired so I apologize for any typos you may inevitably encounter~ And for the shortness ;-; Many Uber thank-you's for the continued support. I said this on my other one, but my comp took a shit. I salvaged a lot of stuff though and it'll be slow starting again, but I will perservere! Hopefully this'll be enough to tide you over for a while _ ;;_**

**_Again, much love! Reviews make me feel good~_**


	17. Chapter 15: Meek Meets Mad Me

_**Okay. Seriously, I think I have a twisted tendency to make female characters male. Unfortunately for all ya'll...I'm pretty unapologetic about it. Shelke was born a guy because he's not as drama-tick as Xion. But yeah, you guessed it: ShelkexReno oneshot CUZ I CAN YO. ...what? You thought I killed him? Why would I go and do a thing like that? -innocent face-**_

_**It picks up right after Shelke goes snooping in Roxas's apartment and finds out Vincent's alive. Just a little FYI; it's rather ironic that I write love stories even though I hate them so much. Makes me feel better if I can kill characters off… I MEAN…*cough***_

_**Pantera's Cemetery Gates played the whole time I was sketching the relationship between Rude and Reno Q.Q Blah. **_

_***pokes* Now read my little fic-a-lick. It's being broken into two parts because I'm not done with the whole thing and its totaling 30 pages so far xD**_

**Chapter 15: Meek Meets Mad Meets Malignant Part I **

The backhand stung as it sent him careening backwards. It was more than instinct, how the brunet clenched his teeth so he wouldn't bite his tongue.

Hojo loomed over him, glasses flashing as they caught the light swinging like a pendulum overhead. He didn't think of comforting things, of protection because the boy didn't have any precedent to go by.

He always relied on staying invisible for his safety in Regenesis. Ever since his parents had fallen to the hands of death from their debts, ever since Hojo had seen fit to grant him mercy as a child and take him in, this is how he repaid the kindness. He was the 'bitch' who kept his head down and scurried to do the bidding of the other members...especially Hojo. And he did it well because he knew what it took to fade into the background; to watch, to wait, to listen. At least, that's how it had always been for him...then Reno came.

"Shelke darling, repeat what you just said."

The boy froze from his position on the ground, where he'd rolled onto his stomach. In another universe, if he were a girl, he might be choking on his fear. It would be suicide now either way. He couldn't shake his head. He couldn't repeat... "I... I said I don't wan—ah!"

"Mm, that's what I _thought_ you said", Hojo purred, fisting into chocolate locks and hauling the teen to his feet. "But see...that doesn't make sense to me." His thumb swiped Shelke's lower lip in a tender gesture, parted Shelke's mouth that panted with pain as his eyes—evil pools of tar behind his glasses—bore holes with their anger.

Shelke's eyes snapped shut. He mustn't get lost in that gaze.

Hojo's breath stank of licorice and something vaguely metallic. He was speaking again. "What you need to understand is that _I _am the one in charge here and you _will _do as I say."

Shelke nodded as much as his boss's grip would allow.

Hojo released him and flexed his fingers before pushing up his glasses. "Besides, you like him anyway. It's time you learn to take care of the pet."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o _

Shelke wasn't sure he'd ever get used to coming down these stairs. What made him most uncomfortable; the task he had to do when he was sent to this dank place, or that he was starting to kind of look forward to it?

The youngest member of Regenesis poked his tongue out, brows furrowed in concentration as he balanced a tray of food in one hand and some bathing materials in the other.

His footsteps sounded jarring in the tight space as he maneuvered himself carefully down the passageway. Shelke blew a relieved breathe when his feet left the metal stairs and planted on solid concrete. He swayed a minute before continuing.

Left, right, left down the naked, dingy halls. Harsh fluorescent buzzed above him. He picked up the pace as he rounded the corner, heart thudding—

And smacked right into Kadaj.

The platinum coifed teen grunted from the collision while Shelke flailed and, miraculously, managed to recover without dropping a thing. He trained his eyes down. Best not instigate Kadaj either. He was one of the more...unstable members.

Shelke's scowl deepened as he caught the elder male zipping up his fly in the cornflower of his peripherals. The boy flinched when a warm finger and thumb snagged his jaw, leading Shelke to lock gazes with twin aquamarine.

Kadaj was smirking.

Shelke's stomach sank. "Let me pass", he mumbled, attempting to look away but being held fast.

"No wonder you're known as Shelke _the Transparent_." Kadaj's fingers carded through fanning brunet strands. "You just fade into the background don't you?" Kadaj puffed a hot breath against Shelke's ear, husky laughter rolling over the sensitive flesh. A shiver gripped the younger male's spine with shaking fingers.

"Let me pass Kadaj", Shelke said again, voice stronger this time.

The smirk sharpened into a downright sneer. He looked behind him at the door he just walked out of. Shelke bit his lip and followed Kadaj's line of sight. "You're lucky the boss has taken such a shine to you." He jerked his head, silver hair flicking out of his eyes as he gestured with his chin. "That could be you, you know? But then", Kadaj's hand drifted into dangerous territory as it left Shelke's face and skittered a slow path down his spine. "That might not be so bad. You'd probably like that wouldn't you?" Kadaj flexed his fingers, palming where they came to rest on Shelke's ass.

Shying away, Shelke schooled his features and shifted the things he was carrying. _Just ignore them_, he thought. _Just ignore them and do what you're told and everything will be alright_.

Kadaj delivered a playful swat then sauntered past with a harsh bark of laughter. "Oh, and Shelke?" Kadaj turned back. "Good luck. He was feistier than usual today." Patting his groin with a satisfied grin, Kadaj finally headed up the stairs, the heavy thud of his boots never seeming to fade as Shelke's heart synchronized with the ominous sound.

He sucked in a few deep breaths to ground himself. When that didn't help because they tasted like frigid mold and alcohol, he pushed forward anyways. He sighed and balanced the tray and cleaning supplies with one arm while he nudged the heavy door open. His nose crinkled at the waft of stench that blasted him in the face, making the air out in the hall seem fresh. It was sweat, and sex, and fear.

Carefully setting down his burden, Shelke padded toward the darkest corner of the small room. His eyes dragged over the sad furnishings, the walls cold, damp, and made of cement. A dirty mattress with springs poking out in odd places was shoved into the corner. The only light came from the large crack under the rusty door. It sliced through the darkness with such naked intent that even the rats feared to scurry across its path.

There was nothing else in the small room, not even a window. Though the cement should've muffled all sound, it seemed to only amplify them in this desolate place. All around , the floor buzzed with the screams of other prisoners here; whores, ones who didn't pay their debts on time, snitches. It was an entire catacomb of the damned.

He pulled up short when something grey rippled in the dark. Shelke tilted his chin down, hunching his shoulders. The boy took another step towards the corner.

He could see it now, a figure curled up adjacent from the mattress, as far as it could get from the door. Fiery red hair, long and matted acted as it's only protection and because it was waist long, the figure kept it wrapped tightly about him like a blanket. It wasn't much shelter and it didn't quite conceal that he was naked as the day he was born.

"Reno", he whispered.

The grey blob squirmed then scooted closer to the wall, hugging knees to his chest and hiding his face when Shelke shuffled a little closer. Shelke knelt down and held out a hand.

"Reno", he called softly. "It's me."

The figure stirred but didn't lift his head. Pity clutched Shelke's heart as he brought his cleaning supplies over and knelt again by Reno's side. The man was older than him yet infinitely more childlike and broken. "If you come out I can give you some food and a nice ba—ah!"

It was a blur. Reno made no sound as he launched himself forward and tackled Shelke to the ground. Struggling against the bolt of panic racing through him, Shelke rolled with Reno before he was soundly pinned against the floor, wrists stretched high above him. He was helpless.

Fingers squeezed, bruised. Reno's chest heaved with rattling gasps, his eyes close enough that Shelke could see them; dilated, glittering, wild. It wasn't the nakedness of his body that Shelke felt, it was those eyes as they pierced right through him and stole his breath.

The eyes were the doorways to the soul. It was something he'd always noticed first on a person, and a feature he'd quickly learned to fear, the way they fade when a man is broken.

In Hojo, he could see a merciless predator. And Hojo had broken many men. When Hojo tortured someone, the humanity slid right out of him and his eyes turned as dead and black as a shark's.

In Kadaj he could see nothing but a tempest that lashed out suddenly, glittering drugged insanity.

In Vincent, regret and strength soaked in blood.

In Reno…

Shelke swallowed, mouth working in a soundless cry of pain. Reno's eyes were lost and hurt, but far from empty whenever he was riled.

Reno shoved between his thighs, blunt, dirty nails digging into Shelke's wrists. He dipped his head to sniff at Shelke's neck, a deep, animalistic sound rattling from deep within him.

"Reno", Shelke gasped. This should've scared him but it didn't, because this was such a common occurrence. He lost count of how many times he'd come in here, to this broken excuse of a man, trying and failing to put the pieces back together. Shelke failed to help because he couldn't find all the pieces. "Reno, stop…"

The redhead looming above him bared his teeth, the chain around his ankle tinkling with a lyrical quality as it dragged across the cement. He released his grip on Shelke's wrists and threw himself back, scooting away and swatting at an invisible enemy before he hid his face in his arms again.

Shelke sat up, gulping for air and crawled over to wrap the shaking man in a loose, one armed hug. He placed his free hand against Reno's grimy cheek and used his thumb to stroke soft circles. The subtle act was affectionate enough to call Reno from his baser instincts. Shelke combed his fingers through the tangled strands of Reno's hair and murmured comforting nonsense. Reno didn't fight Shelke's hold. The worst part was over.

"Its alright, you didn't hurt me."

Reno twitched and clenched his fists but didn't lift his head. Shelke's sternum gave a spasm. He could see the guilt eating away at Reno where anguish had missed; picking bones clean of flesh and meat and everything human.

Breathing a sigh through his nose, the younger male had to pause for a moment. Shelke remembered the day Reno was dragged here. He remembered the pride and wretched love in his voice, felt the screams—like they were coming from his own throat—rip at something deep inside as Reno filled the basement halls with pain and hatred while he was raped and used over and over again. Then after, when there were no hands touching him, it was his mind's turn to have a go, to torture him with memories of his beloved, and the helplessness of his…position while poison thrummed in his veins in a guise to help him cope.

Shelke remembered feeling true revulsion when those screams finally ceased, giving way to a silence that was infinitely more frightening in its vastness. Parts of Reno had died with that other guy Rude. Parts that Shelke couldn't hold, and so he couldn't put this man back together, not completely. He could only offer small comforts, bathing and feeding the broken man like a child.

Scars littered his body from his earlier days as a Triad and fresh wounds were coagulating into ugly, pink puckers from cigarette burns and lines that crossed over the old ones from blades and jagged fingernails and whatever else those who used Reno sought to torment him with. His nose was crooked from where Hojo had broken it, the cartilage never healed right.

The sad story of Reno's life was stitched into his skin like brail. Now there were punctures up his arms from needles, ugly gashes carved where he'd tried to rip them out, then was punished. Countless bruises bloomed over his throat and wrists and legs.

Reno was the favorite whore in Regenesis because he still fought. He'd been the longest to retain it so far. They might as well reward him with the best buzz after.

Shelke felt sick. Everywhere hands had touched him Shelke saw because they left their prints behind. His breath hitched with a realization. Kadaj was right. Shelke was lucky because things could _always _could get worse for him.

Shoving those thoughts aside, Shelke guided the man's legs down and nudged them open. Reno didn't resist. He sat there, speckled in wounds and cum that was still warm. Some dribbled out of his body as he was shifted around like a puppet but Reno didn't wince. He didn't cry out in pain, or shrink away.

However—as Shelke squeezed out a rag of hot water and took his first careful swipes across Reno's naked thighs—a pale hand shot down and closed around his wrist. With strength Shelke didn't realize Reno still had, he was dragged forward. Reno's hand left his wrist and tangled their fingers together before he guided the hand more carefully to his mouth to litter sloppy kisses over their joined flesh.

"Rude", he mumbled, eyes slipping shut and expression teetering between agony and bliss. "Oh, Rude..." He moved Shelke's hand down over his neck, where a dark mark was forming like a collar, where Kadaj had forced his belt around Reno's throat as he rode him.

Shelke's lips twisted in distaste. That was just like the bastard.

_"You seem to like that filth", _he heard Hojo chuckle in his ear. "_So he can be your pet project. You will be in charge of his care, you will make sure that he is always in top condition to relieve my boys of their tension if they choose him. That is the purpose of a whore...unless you'd rather take his place?"_

Shelke shied away from his cowardice when he'd made his face go blank. He didn't want to...be the one...but this wasn't right.

_Stay invisible, stay safe._ His mantra drowned Hojo's sneers and Reno's desolation. Yes, this was his purpose.

Reno jerked him back to the present as he panted and dragged Shelke's hand further down, over his stomach and finally over his cock. Shelke tried to pull back, away from the velvety heat that pulsed under his fingers but Reno held him there and bit his lip, thrusting, seeking, begging.

Shelke relaxed, stroked slow and hard, once, making Reno double over, a scratchy, choked whimper losing itself against the warmth of Shelke's neck. He nuzzled and teethed over the fragrant skin as he started to tremble.

"They've drugged you again, haven't they? This soon?" Shelke's brows drew together, already having his answer because of Reno's affectionate behavior. Reno pressed himself closer to Shelke with a husky, panting whine.

"Reno…stop, please. Let me clean you. A-and you need to eat."

A wordless croak of protest answered him when he drew his hand away. Distressed, Reno reached for him as Shelke scooted back and stopped him from following. Shelke gave him a kind smile even though his heart was breaking because he knew he had to avoid that lost, hurt look . He hooked the man's elbow and helped him regain shaky feet. Together, they limped across the room, Reno content to bury his face in Shelke's hair until they reached the mattress.

All seemed to be going well until Shelke lowered Reno to sit. His panic was instantaneous as he scrambled off the bed and pressed his face against the crook of Shelke's neck again, clinging to his shoulders and heedless of how awkward the position was because he was so much taller.

Shelke pried him off again, biting his lip while a crease formed between his brows. Even with the atrocities that Regenesis committed, he was a gentle soul by nature and this hurt him. "Reno, come on now."

"R-Rude…hurts", Reno choked.

With a sigh, the brunet barked, "Get back."

He watched flashes of emotion flit across Reno's face; shock, anxiety, confusion before his face wiped itself cleaner than a slate. If Shelke pried Reno's thoughts into the open right now they would probably be nothing but white noise. It was better this way though…for both of them.

With Reno subservient like this, stuck in the numbing subspace his mind used as survival mode, Shelke could come in, bathe him, feed him, and callously prep him for the next person that wanted to use Reno's body.

Woe fall to them both if Shelke tried to see him as human.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_Worthless toys deserve to be broken._

Icy air crawled over damp skin, forcing Reno to convulse. He didn't move any more than that, he couldn't afford the further weariness in his aching muscles. Laying on his stomach, lifeless and empty, glassy eyes dragged over the room.

He didn't try to curl up and keep warm. There wasn't a sheet to cover himself with anyway, and his body…couldn't move.

Shelke...Shelke was a good kid. But he didn't know why the brat bothered. He never stayed clean and fed for long. The sex burned what little food he could get down out of his system.

When the door finally shut earlier, leaving him alone again, he remembered clawing at the mattress, trying to pull himself from the grimy surface and into the corner where he felt safe, but…the renewed pain that any attempt at motion brought was too costly. Especially now. If he moved, the tear might reopen…the bleeding would start again…His ass, his throat…

He blinked and swallowed. These thoughts were vague snatches of awareness drifting in the back of his mind. The rest of him was hollow, a slow, brokenhearted repetition of: _Rude…ude…de…_

For a long time, nothing else existed. When something fresh flickered inside him, intruding from somewhere else, cutting off the endless mantra, he moaned.

_How the arrogant have fallen. You were proud once...an invincible Dragon but now look at you. Look at where fraternizing with the enemy has gotten you._

**No**, he groaned. **Rude is worth it. Rude...**

_Ha! Don't fool yourself. You betrayed him. He'll never want to touch your filthy body now. If he could see this…But he can't. Rude is d-dea…_

The unwelcome thought and familiar voice brought memories with them. At the first flash of crystalline recollection, a wave of nausea rolled Reno's stomach. It swept his mind away and made him tremble. It was... far too powerful…

Right where he lay, Reno vomited.

The small mess was little more than stomach acid—Reno hadn't eaten dinner for a while because he hadn't earned it…hadn't pleased them enough with his body.

When the purge was over, Reno squeezed his eyes shut, grit his teeth and turned his head toward the wall. Renewed agony forced him to stop moving before he could try to scoot off the mattress. Not that he could have escaped…

Memories of hands, pain, _violence_. Memories of a snarled demand, hot and suffocating against the shell of his ear.

"_Tell me what they're planning."_

They…his brothers…Triads.

Unable to struggle, barely able to think, Reno focused on the one thing he had left. Silence would've been easier, but he forced answers from his choking voice, through his tears and through his throat, raw with screams.

"_F-Fuck yo-u Ho…jo.__"_

"_You want more, little bitch? That can be arranged."_

"_Ahhh! N-no…!"_

"_**I **__am your master now. Tell. Me. What. They're. Planning!" _He'd punctuated each word with a gut-wrenching slam of hips that stole Reno's breath and polluted his mind.

Pain was his true master though, as it tore him apart from the inside out. Reno couldn't see past his own tears, could barely draw in enough air to speak, but he had to. _He had to_. He would not let them…

"_D-don't know. I was a th-ugh! I don't know! Ngh..."_

An endless string of filthy names poured into his ears after that, corroding his soul and driving into the deepest places in his body. But the questions had stopped. Reno held onto his mind long enough to hope this meant Hojo believed him…then he'd turned every remaining fragment of himself to surviving the pain.

Because there was nothing else. Not the faintest trace of pleasure, not even a sliver of twisted arousal…not after his body was conditioned to receive this brutality by Hojo's hand. Nothing, _nothing_ smothered the horror, the absolute _revulsion_ that gripped Reno's body as this man—the one who'd murdered Rude—dirtied him.

A flicker of detached curiosity whispered now, because he was alone and the wraiths were allowed to descend like carrion to devour the rest of him—_Will he punish me later…because I didn't cum for him…?_

It was soon gone. The memories kept replaying, the cruel voice of his attacker, over and over, in harmony now with another voice that whispered in his mind, snaking through the horrible images and horrible words and singing softly with thoughts of despair. _You never deserved better than this anyway, this is what you get for being greedy, you trash. This is what you get for being so weak._

His heart's longing whisper of _Rude, Rude, Rude…strong Rude, patient Rude, wise and invincible and d-dea…_painted a clear picture in his mind of his lover walking in and lifting him up from this vile bed and taking him away…until the other voice broke in, drowning that dream in black tar with cold, wet fingers.

_If he walked in now, he'd take one look at you and leave. Can you imagine the disgust on his face, once he saw what you really are? You were strong and proud before but now all you can do is lick their feet and grovel for more. Can't you see the loathing in those beautiful eyes that he only showed to you…?_

Then that dreaded scene was all Reno _could_ see, because tears spilled from his glassy eyes and poured down his cheeks, blinding him to everything else.

_Don't come…don't look at me…Rude…_

Time passed.

Kadaj. His little brothers tag-teaming as they liked to do. Tseng. Elena. Elena, always watching, always polluting the air with lusty little hisses as she watched her boyfriend go to town.

Hojo…Hojo. Reno slumped into the damp mattress, unable to do anything about the IV needle in his arm or the perpetual hell it brought.

Hojo hadn't said a word about Reno's lack of arousal when he'd raped him the first time. But after a while it seemed to bother the big boss so he ordered to have the redhead hooked to a stream of protomateria in it's most potent form: liquid. This ensured a constant, torturous state of arousal, whether or not anyone was present to take advantage of that.

Abortive little wiggles against the sharp springs poking out of the mattress did nothing to lessen his misery. Sickened by the irony that his only moments of relief from the maddening need came when his captors suddenly appeared out of his fevered haze to rape him, Reno gave in, allowed himself to finally climax and regain his sanity for a few cold minutes before the drug took effect again.

Past the muddled pain and sick need, Reno knew why this was happening. And he felt something else too, though it was merely a stray suspicion in those precious, wretched moments of clarity as Hojo closed the door behind him time after time: if this went on long enough his mind would truly break, leaving his body craving mindlessly for sex. _I'll never leave this place._

No one would come look for him. No one even payed. Hojo just snapped his fingers, Reno spread his legs, and anyone could have him. It would have been easier to control him if he was scared of death, but he wasn't. So they tied him down and pumped him full of drugs.

The realization barely occurred to him in one of the moments of post-rape lucidity…when the door opened again. He stiffened, flinching at the resulting pain but unable to help it. It wasn't often that he heard Hojo come in. Usually, he just woke up in the beginning of the man's attack. And Hojo had just left! _Not again…not already! I can't…I…_

Reno wrapped his shattered pride around himself and stubbornly refused to make a sound. He thought, _if I stay silent, if I don't acknowledge this…then it won't happen…it won't…happen_…

He sealed his lips. Reno was able to recognize touches by now and luckily it wasn't Hojo's palms dragging down his ravaged back. These were Kadaj's savage fingers that dug into his skin, that clutched and groped. "On your knees."

The simple command was accompanied by a slap as Kadaj dragged Reno's hips up and spread his thighs. It was quick, yet no less brutal, the way his thrusts drilled hard and deep into Reno's sore body. The redhead ignored the sounds of flesh slapping together and Kadaj's hoarse moans as he fought the urge to gag when he suddenly came. The familiar sensation of an unwelcome orgasm; hot, rancid, and sticky, gushed into his ass. _Disgusting, disgusting, don't cry, don't make a sound…Rude…_

When Kadaj was done, he rolled off Reno then zipped his fly back up. Crouching, he stroked Reno's flank like he was some beast, silent, smirking, a loathsome presence that made Reno's humiliation sting that much more.

The worst part, maybe, wasn't even the pain or being used like a public toilet. Those things weren't new. The worst part was probably how, within minutes of an experience so revolting it made him want to throw up, Reno's body would be forced back into a state of frustrated arousal by the never-ending drip in his bloodstream. _It's just the drug, I can't help it, it's just the drug._He knew. But that wasn't how it felt.

It _felt_ as if his body _liked_ what was happening. And the more his body responded to the drug while the memory of rape was still cooling on his skin, the more frantic and horrified Reno felt. He wanted to cry and he wanted to scream and he wanted, _needed_ so much for the cycle to end, for rescue to come or for some way of escape. Before it was too much.

_Too late._

Hojo visited him again and this time the needle was yanked from his arm. Fingers convulsing, muscles throbbing, he no less rejoiced that the IV was finally, mercifully, gone.

Reno groaned when his face was snatched, cheeks squeezed until his mouth was pried open. Hojo force-fed him a few small pills from a prescription bottle. A glass of water shoved against his mouth, the plastic cutting his gums and when Reno tried to struggle, Hojo cracked him across the face.

Reno stopped fighting and slurped the water until Hojo was mollified. The man sat back on his haunches, expression clinical while he watched Reno like a snake might study a mouse. Reno gulped air as his world tilted from nausea. It took a few minutes, the pills were counteracting the other drugs, and they would offer him a few hours of sanity at most, or that's what he thought Hojo was saying. The madness and unwanted heat subsided from his body, leaving him cold and drained. But his mind…oh God it was so unfair…his mind raced with fearful, tortured guesses at what would happen.

Guesses at what would happen…_now_.

His wrists were dragged behind him, and he cried out when Hojo yanked him to his feet. The man led him to the corner and forced him to his knees, locked him to the wall with his arms above his head. _Chained again… What does he think I can even do against him at this point?_

Reno struggled to hold his head up. He clung to his mind, his will, and each moment of awareness, despite the agony, was welcome. Sober eyes drifted vacantly downward. _Oh God…_ Reno gagged and this time, a thin stream of bile dribbled down his chest. The naked body before him…_his_ body was covered with bruises and scratches, broken skin, smeared with dry and drying…fluids.

The room around him, the ratty bed, he could suddenly smell and it was a mess, reeking of sweat and the vile things that had been done here. _Done to__me_.

_You were dirty before…look at you__now__…_

_…so disgusting…so f-filthy!_ He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the sight. Reno had never been so repulsed by his own body…so desperate to crawl _out_ of his spoiled _skin._

_Please let this end…_

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"I don't want to."

"_You _don't have a choice, worm. Boss's orders." Kadaj smirked down at him and grabbed the scruff of his shirt before dragging him bodily down the stairs. "Come on, it won't be that bad. You don't have to participate, just watch. You can sit with Elena, she never touches him either. It'll put some hair on your chest. Been getting too close to that dog and you need a little reminder that he doesn't deserve to be called human."

Shelke's insides went cold. Before he could pause, Kadaj was shoving him forward again. The younger male gagged as he teetered on the edge of falling. With an irritated sigh, Kadaj hauled him over his shoulder mid-step and took the last few stairs at a leap.

"Put me down", Shelke squeaked.

"Keep your short-shorts on. We're here." Kadaj set him down roughly and held open the door for him. Shelke felt his knees shake as he took his first hesitant steps, crying out when Kadaj shoved him again, this time hard enough to knock him down.

He took a few shaky breaths and lifted his head. He could already hear the sounds of Reno struggling. He must've been gagged because he wasn't crying out. Grunts that weren't his filled the dark air, chains scratching at the floor.

"Welcome to the party", Elena murmured next to Shelke's ear. He shot up and she caught him with soft laughter. Kadaj went to stand in the corner where there were two…other…

Oh God.

Reno was gagged with something alright. Terror was plainly visible in his open eyes, tearing up as he fought for oxygen around Tseng's notable girth. The sharp man snapped his hips forward again with a gruff moan and met Kadaj's lecherous grin with one of his own.

Silver hair rippling, Kadaj dropped to his knees and tucked himself close to Reno's back until his pale ass was pressed tight into the curve of Kadaj's lap. Reno, for his part, jerked with surprise and panic, bound hands flexing behind him in a futile attempt to push Kadaj off.

"Now sweetheart", Tseng growled above them, "Don't be so mean."

Elena snickered and snatched Shelke's chin when he started to avert his eyes. "Watch", she warned, guiding them both over to sit against the wall while the scene unfolded. For extra incentive, she took her gun out and nudged it snugly between Shelke's legs. He cried out at the cold barrel that made his crotch throb. She stroked his stomach but didn't move the gun anymore, it was simply a reminder that he was here for the same purpose as her.

Reno was drawn to the sound. He knew that the blonde liked to watch, sick bitch, but he wanted to wretch when he found Shelke staring back at him, brimming with pity and disgust as stark as his own fear.

He squeezed his eyes shut, breath hitching when Tseng shoved more of himself down Reno's throat. "That's it slut, take it all." Loathsome fingers twisted in his hair and tugged him forward at the same time Tseng began to rut against his face in earnest.

_I'm somewhere else, _he thought. _I'm with Rude right now. I'm…I…_

That blissful numb descended over his mind as Tseng unloaded a hot stream into the deep recesses of his throat. His eye's deadened and his body went slack. He felt Kadaj catch him as he sagged into the younger male's chest. Reno turned when Kadaj guided him, opened his legs, did anything and everything he was told from then on. He was tired. His fight could only last for so long.

At some point he cracked bleary eyes open because the touching stopped, yet he knew his punishment was far from over. Surprise burned like a hot ember in his stomach as blurry shapes swirled in a storm of muted colors above him. He squinted, blinked hard and then sound switched back on in his mind.

Sound…screams…screams that weren't his own.

Breath rattled in his lungs as he basked in the momentary reprieve. What was going on?

"Reno!"

Someone was crying his name. Someone dear. Rude? N-no…Rude was…

"Reno run! Please, stop letting them—ah!"

He struggled through the thick fog that shrouded his mind and made his body pulse from the abuse.

"I told you to watch! Stay the fuck down little boy. You just had to go and interfere huh? Ouch, hold _still_ damn you!"

A strangled cry. One of the blurs swept down, the motion making Reno dizzy as something heavy collided with flesh. The splat echoed in the room, fading into pitiful sniffles and weak sobs.

"Ah…s-orry…sorry...m'so-_mm_!"

"Beg you sniveling wench. You wanna take his place so bad?"

More scuffling. More pleading. "No! No p-please!"

The last thing Reno heard before he blacked out was the ripping of cloth.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Kadaj kicked him. Elena spat on him then tossed his clothes on top of him as she passed. Tseng did nothing, but he didn't need to. He'd already done enough.

Shelke curled into the tightest ball he could manage and hugged his tattered excuses for cover, shivering and stifling the sobs that wracked his entire body with shudders.

Kadaj snickered. "That was good. We'll have to do it again sometime." He was the last one out. The door slammed and left the two remaining occupants in the room with an impression of a freshly shot bullet.

Hand trembling, Shelke reached across the room, where Reno lay curled in a similar state.

"…lp…no…Re-no", he croaked. Shelke wasn't sure where he found the strength to pull on his pants or crawl across the room. Every movement shot bolts of pain sizzling down his spine, stole his breath, made him want to curl up and give into the blackness again. But he couldn't.

"Reno", he managed to choke out, voice raspy but louder this time.

He rolled the older male over, stunned by the tears he found blazing lines down grimy, pale cheeks. It was the final fracture in his own ragged composure. With sobs kicking his chest, Shelke hugged Reno's limp body in a rough embrace.

They were like two refugees clinging together after a natural disaster. Rape, like a disease, eats away the pride and illusion that nothing can hurt you. Mentally, physically, emotionally, it ravages men and women alike until there is nothing left…except anger, an all-consuming desire to never let it happen again. How the hell did Reno take this abuse over and over?

"Come on", Shelke hissed. "I can't do this all by myself. …I can't save you if you don't help. Rude is gone, and…you'll die too if you don't fight back." He paused as coughs rocked his body, fingers digging into Reno's skin. "I can't get you out of here by myself", he panted. "Please…_fight _Reno."

At the mention of the Yakuza's name Reno tried to roll away but he paused as hot tears dripped and rolled down his face, mingling with his own. He swallowed and raised a weak hand to cup Shelke's cheek.

People talk about therapy, and change, and the power of Christ but maybe all it takes is waking up one day and saying you're not going to do it anymore. Maybe it takes watching someone else suffer for you to realize just how weak you are. Then you can say you're not going to act like someone who feels that way. You begin with words that taste strange on your tongue, they resonate in a heart you thought died long ago. Then you act.

"K-kay."

Shelke made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.

_Face your pain. The time for rest is over. Wake up, wake up..._

Reno struggled to sit up and wrapped the younger male in a hug. "Okay", he muttered against Shelke's hair, voice husky with exhaustion and pain. "Okay."

They were ripped apart when Hojo materialized next to them, nearly blind with fury. He fisted a hand in Shelke's tousled hair and yanked him to his feet. Wailing like a dying animal, Shelke struggled to lock his legs under him. "S-sto—ah!"

"_Not _another word, you little fool." Hojo shook him a little, glared down at Reno and kicked him until the redhead was cowering against the wall, then dragged Shelke from the room.

Up the stairs, into the loading dock where Kadaj and the others were gathered. "Wha-what's", Shelke swallowed, his tired body quaking with fear and pain. A fresh wave of sweat dotted his brow, he clutched his shirt to his chest in a feeble attempt at cover.

"Is it true", Hojo demanded.

Shelke jerked at the sound of his voice, amplified to thunder in this sprawling space.

"Is it true", Hojo shouted, voice louder, angrier...

"I-I..."

In three strides Hojo was in his face, delivering a sound backhand that made Shelke spit blood. He stood frozen, even his shaking stopped as his head hung limp, to the side. He could feel their eyes burning, raking his skin, fucking him again. His thighs squeezed together. Shelke could hear Kadaj panting and even though his eyes were closed, the boy imagined his tormentor salivating.

"You were always the weakest link, little one. And tonight you've disobeyed me. I tried to be magnanimous with you", Hojo cupped Shelke's throbbing cheek, ignoring his slight wince, and directed teary cornflower up to meet his gaze. "But you did not want to do this the easy way. Your lesson begins now."

He stepped back and the parody of regret curled into a sneer when Kadaj took his place.

Shelke's screams reached even Reno's ears, who bowed his head in the basement and for the first time in a long time, wept for someone other than himself.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Shelke swallowed the heavy lump that settled in his throat as he kicked his feet against the bed frame. He was back in his room, and clean, as clean as he could get himself under a scalding shower head. The bruises remained like nasty stains on his skin though, no matter how hard he scrubbed. He suddenly realized how much Reno must appreciate the attention Shelke gave him, even if he wasn't always aware enough to express it.

He heard nothing from Hojo after the boss himself escorted Shelke back to his place with a stern warning.

_Just this once, if you obey me, understand? Stop crying. Yes, I know it hurts so don't make me pass that judgement again. You're like my child, don't you see? Yes, I promise. _

Shelke was startled at himself, at the sickening urge he felt building within him to spit at Hojo and all he stood for. Shelke had been fooling himself for so long, he was starting to believe his own lie.

He bowed his head. It was time to wake up.

The time for laying down and turning his face away, letting atrocities happen because he was too scared to do anything...that time was over. His breath hitched. Hojo was about to learn a little lesson of his own; it was the quiet ones you needed to watch out for. Shelke was not a cyborg.

Body still thrumming with pain, Shelke picked up his phone.

_**Part II on the way!**_


	18. Chapter 16: Meek Meets Mad Me II

_**It ain't over till Xemnas is singing 'I Feel Pretty' in 9 inch heels and fishnet. *Spoiler Alert* Heheheheh. Take that Mansex…. I MEAN….**_

_**Yeah. No. Read. Now.**_

**Chapter 16: Meek Meets Mad Meets Malignant Part II**

Vincent snapped his phone shut with a put-upon groan. Cid grunted next to him then propped himself up on his elbows. He scratched idly at the bit of stubble on his chin and scowled at the wall, his expression painfully awake despite the lateness of the hour. One hand groped at the nightstand until he found his cigarettes and lit up. Smoke crawled toward the ceiling and the only light in the room once Vincent's cell hibernated was the glowing ember between Cid's fingers.

Silence stretched between them until Vincent pulled the sheet over his shoulder and turned to face the older man. "You're not going to tell me not to go?"

"Why fuckin' bother", Cid grumped. He blew out a plume of shadow around his next words. "Not like you listen to me when you get a bug up your ass anyway." Red XIII lifted his head from the foot of the bed and turned to yowl at them. Cid whuffed out a sigh and patted the mattress between him and Vincent. He snubbed out his cigarette when the cat padded over to them. "Sorry baby, did we wake you?" Purring, the cat licked his chops then picked a delicate path over the rumpled bedcovers to head-butt the blond's hand. Blue eyes flicked over and away again when he caught his lover openly staring at him. Red curled up and Cid's fingers buried themselves in his fur. Thinner, paler ones joined in after a moment.

Vincent grinned at him, tickled to his core at the light pink that dusted Cid's nose and the way he cleared his throat.

"You just", Cid paused, groping for the right words as his scowl deepened with frustration. "You just be careful, you hear me?"

Vincent wiggled until his back was pressed against Cid's front, forcing Red to hop over his body with an indignant hiss and resettle on the nest of pillows above them. A grizzled arm threw itself over Vincent's waist, sensitive skin erupting in chills as golden hair brushed against Vincent's stomach. He felt lips curl into a lecherous grin on his shoulder when a fuzzy thigh shoved between his legs as well.

"No Cid. It's too late for that. And the kids are asl…eep—ngh!" His weak protests died a happy death. Raven hair rippled then fanned across the pillow when Vincent tossed his head and bit the blanket to muffle himself. Axel and Roxas were humping quite happily out in their living room anyways. And fuck it, he could get started in the morning. He might as well... might as well...douse himself in Cid before he had to jump into Hojo's inferno. Someone would be waiting for him to come back this time, that's all he needed.

He turned with a snarl and pinned Cid under him. Making a small noise of surprise, Cid's fingers clutched Vincent and were never still as they roved his stomach, lower back, the creamy lines of his long legs.

Vincent's thighs spread wide with a smirk as he shoved himself down on the older man's offering.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Oh my God, Reno! Can you hear me?"

The redhead's breath hitched with pain. He cracked bleary eyes open and grinned despite the way it made his chapped lips flay open. "Hey", he rasped. "You're not supposed to be in here kid."

Shelke's lips pressed together as he dropped to his knees and cupped Reno's face with both hands. "Jesus, what have they done to you?"

"Mph!" Reno's arms strained from where they'd been stretched taut above and on either side of him. He bit back a shout of agony when Shelke yanked the dildo out of his body and tossed it to the side. The vile thing rattled around and traced a slimy circle into the cement.

Shelke bit his lip, brow crinkling in concern as he focused on his charge. "I'm sorry. But don't worry ok? I have a plan."

Reno hung his head, exhausted. His knees had been rubbed raw long ago from his position, yet he didn't feel them. He couldn't feel his arms either. He didn't feel anything anymore, at least not physically. They couldn't hurt him.

Ever since that night...had it really been weeks ago?... Reno threw himself into the battle for himself with renewed vigor. He was _awake _despite the bone deep exhaustion and soul corroding toxins that flooded his body. He was conscious and he was _pissed. _

Rude was gone. Reno had someone else to protect now. Maybe this was how epiphanies really came to a man—not with a lightning strike or religious miracles, but with a painfully obvious and simplistic statement that forces him to look at the ground at his feet instead of the distant horizon he has been searching for most of his life.

The thoughts sputtered and died when a hideous screech invaded the room. Kadaj lounged against the doorframe, a cancerous smirk curving his lips. "Well, well little mouse, what have we here?"

Shelke started and scooted away from Reno. "I...I w-was..."

Kadaj barked out a laugh. "Oh, Shelkie. You fucked up big this time. I _know _you know you're not supposed to be in here."

Shelke stood and brushed past Kadaj without looking at Reno again. The older male followed him with his eyes, tongue dragging in a lazy way over his lips. He glanced back with a smirk that chilled Reno's blood.

Kadaj didn't say a word, and Reno was helpless to stop him from following Shelke, even as he strained, reopening the chaffed, scabby skin on his wrists to bleed raw. "Don't", he choked, feeling an ugly sense of _déjà vu_. It was just like with Rude...only in slow motion. "Don't hurt him plea...se."

"Oh, I won't hurt him", Kadaj sneered. Aquamarine glittered with focused malice as Kadaj watched Reno the whole time he took slow backward steps into the hall. Reno hated him, because every thud of boot, every step he was taking away from Reno meant one closer to Shelke.

A maniacal grin curled his lips like a kid who was about to rip the wings off a bat, Kadaj raised both eyebrows in amusement when Reno threw himself hard at the other male, or at least he tried. The chains held him fast, even as he wrenched his arms to their breaking point. He heard his ligaments popping, could feel the burn in his bone about to come free, but none of that mattered.

Reno gave a strangled shout. The door was left ajar so he could hear...hear Shelke's surprised shout. "No…No!" The desperate cry morphed into threats, melted into pleas. The thump of blows, pained cries, and the terrible slap of skin on skin that he knew intimately.

His breathing turned shallow and his muscles quivered from the foreign strain. He hadn't struggled this hard when they were coming after him. Shelke, Shelke, Shelke...

It was an agonizing eternity as sounds dragged into wretched silence. He panted, feverish and dizzy, eyes trained on the open gap in his door. He didn't dare to blink. Finally, finally, the heavy suggestion of a body dragging over cement reached Reno. A few seconds passed and there he was, Shelke, bleeding, battered, unconscious, and half-naked but alive.

Reno swallowed a sob of relief as Kadaj tossed the boy in the room with a grunt. "Better make him comfortable, you slut. He isn't leaving again." Silver hair rippled when he threw back his head and roared with crazed laughter. "Oh wait, I forgot", he gestured at Reno's chains. "Oh well."

With that, he turned and shut the door behind him. Reno struggled and shouted for help until his throat bled. Finally forced to slump in defeat, Reno's body shook with fatigue while he watched Shelke with agonized patience and prayed with every shallow rise of the boy's chest that he'd open his eyes.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Get the hell out."

Vincent's brows rose more in amusement than surprise. "Come on Ruffie, don't be like that."

"Don't _'come on Ruffie'_ me", the blond snapped. He jerked angry arms until his wheelchair turned to face the cheeky bastard who'd burst his way back into his life. "My answer is no. I've just gotten back on my feet—"

Vincent snorted at the irony.

"—changed my name, built a new life for myself. Don't ask me to risk it all again for some young pup I've never even met. He dug his own grave."

Vincent looked around and curled his lip, gesturing at their dingy surroundings as he said, "All this, huh? Are you really going to tell me you're satisfied with some piss-poor hole in the wall of a bar? Don't you want—"

"I don't want anything you're tryin' to sell, so stop right there. I'm content here. No one makes trouble and I can scrape enough to get by. Speakin' of which, I have to open in a few minutes so get your shit and get out."

Vincent straightened, his crimson eyes snapped like a flame. "You owe me, you pathetic asshole. You wouldn't even _have _'all this' without me."

"I don't owe that much boy. And talkin' like that's no way to incur a favor is it?"

"Will you just listen? Damn you, I'm running out of time—"

Rufus was getting exasperated. "You saved my life, but what the hell can _I_ do? I'm not—"

"Grow a fuckin pair Rufus. It's not _you _I'm asking to put your dick on the line here. I need your man power though. Me and Axel aren't enough."

Rufus made a rude gesture, his cheeks mottling an angry red. "Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. My answer is still no. We got lucky once, but I'm not one to tempt fate. You brats are on your own."

Vincent leaned against the wall. Crossing his arms he said in a low voice, "Even if I were to tell you that I need this favor to help someone escape from the same assholes who took your legs?"

Rufus froze, his chair jolting with a metallic screech. He ran a hand down his face and mumbled into his palm. Vincent uncrossed his arms and stepped in front of the crippled man, bending so he could hear, bracing himself on Rufus's chair.

"He took everything from me."

Vincent scoffed. "Not everything."

Rufus's nostrils flared in protest. "Fine", he snapped, jerking his chair away from Vincent and wheeling it to the counter to make himself a drink. "I don't care anymore."

Vincent was silent as he clapped the man on the shoulder then walked out.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"He's not answering any of my calls or texts."

Axel yanked his baseball cap down and straightened the pizza box in his hand. "One thing at a time. Planning things like this can be rather hazardous."

"Oh, and an army of Pizza men is real conspicuous."

"Excuse the hell outta me, but you weren't doing much better on your own." He jerked his chin at the handful of men they'd borrowed from Rufus, and Larxene.

Axel did a double-take and hissed as he backpedaled. "What the _hell _are you doing here? Where's Demyx?"

She smirked and wiggled sinister fingers that she'd encased in a leather glove. "I bullied Demyx until he told me what you were planning. I knew something was up and I'm always down for a good brawl. Besides, I'd rather it be me here than him." She titled her chin up in challenge. "I'm worth two of him anyways."

Axel looked away from her with a sigh because he couldn't deny that fact. She was batshit insane and one of the best to have in your corner when you needed to do some heavy cleaning. But she was still a girl...

Shaking his head, he directed his attention back on Vincent with a droll look. "When we get home tonight I am so porking Roxas on your kitchen table."

Vincent smacked the back of Axel's spikey ponytail. "Fine. Just go. And _be careful._"

Then he disappeared into the shadows of the nearby warehouse.

"I hate it when you do that 'walk into the wind' crap", Axel muttered, then he turned to rap the door in front of them. The small group held a collective breath while the noise thrummed deep inside.

Vincent watched as Axel and the rest paused at the loading dock. It was a sloppy move for Hojo to stay in the same place since he tried to kill Vincent. Sloppy…or extremely fucking cocky. Deepground is what they called this warehouse.

Vincent's entire body coiled tight when the heavy door slid back with a rusty screech. They were received and….Vincent's brows shot into his headband. The bastards got in. Huh.

He stooped around one of the many crates stacked in front of the doors and sprinted towards the back area. Yeah, definitely cocky. Down at the wharf was a prime place to set up base. Business was good.

The cops weren't getting involved with Hojo's dealings any time soon because he ran the gauntlet between the Triads and Yakuza. Rumor had it that the Chief's own son had recently joined their ranks. Vincent shuddered. Deepground held many memories for him, none of which were pleasant and all of which he had yet to forget.

His boots scraped on gravel as he skidded to a stop near where he needed to enter. Guards milled around back in a loose circle, staying within the halo of the overhead light, a naked bulb, as they shared a cigarette amongst themselves. Someone popped his head out the door and called to them about food. All but two left.

Vincent exhaled slowly and reached up, scratched Red's ears to wake the cat up and uncurl from his neck. "You're up babe", he whispered. The cat licked his cheek then hopped off him before pausing for a luxuriant stretch.

Pawing carefully over the cracked asphalt, Red made his way up to the two remaining suits, arms clasped behind them, backs straight, expressions stern. Red sat in front of them and stared for a while before lifting one paw and grooming it with delicate swipes of his tongue. Vincent watched, tense. The cat finally got up and stepped closer to them, yowling like someone was stepping on his tail.

"Shut _up_", one of them snapped.

The other watcher was a girl. She huffed at him and bent down, stretching out her hand. "Don't mind him, kitty. Here boy, here." She rubbed her fingers and thumb together and made kissy noises.

The man unholstered his gun and took aim. He closed one eye then the crack of a bullet sounded. Red hopped back with a hiss and the woman rounded on her partner.

"What the….fuck….Cal? Cal?!"

He slid down the wall, painting a sticky trail from the hole in his head. She jumped to her feet and whipped out her piece, hands shaking. "Who's there", she shrieked into the darkness. She reached for her radio and punched the button on the side. " In-intruder..." She dropped it suddenly. Vincent smiled. She must be new if she was panicking too much to call for help, to call for help at all. "Come out with your han—"

Poor girl. She never stood a chance.

Vincent dragged their bodies out of the way and snuck in through the back, mindful of how much time he had. The cameras were watching the whole thing after all. And the real wave of pizza men were just joining the party.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Reno tensed, crouching over Shelke's cold body. He glanced up at the ceiling when dust drifted down like snow. His breathing hitched, hands gripping the ratty blanket he'd gotten from Kadaj and wrapping it more tightly around Shelke when the boy started to shiver. Pulling him close, Reno hissed, "Hang in there. Hang in there a little longer. Someone's…someone's coming. I think."

He and Shelke were the playthings of Hojo and his men now. Sometimes they were made to rut against each other, sometimes Reno got fucked while Shelke was felt up and made to watch. A dirty, filthy situation, it was nonetheless easier to handle now for some reason. The hope of rescue made his blood burn and his resolve strengthen. When the entire complex gave a mighty lurch, Reno snatched Shelke's body into his lap and held him tight.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Your mouth is going to get us killed", Yazoo hissed in his brother's ear. Despite Loz being the taller of the two, he was a bumbling infant compared to his sibling.

"I was _really _hungry though", Loz whined. Yazoo snatched his ear and yanked it hard as the small army of pizza men trooped in.

"What is the meaning of this", a voice roared from outside the room. The next second, Hojo stormed in, face red, almost spitting with rage. "Who is responsible for this?"

When Loz shuffled his feet and tried to step forward he was stopped. Twin aquamarine darkened with pain, Yazoo jerked his head to keep his brother quiet then stepped forward. "It was me sir. The boys were getting hungry and I—"

The crack of a gun thundered in the open space. He flew through the air and landed with a heavy thud at Loz's feet. The elder male dropped to his knees and gathered Yazoo in his arms with a wounded growl despite his brother's weak, raspy protests.

"First mother...not you too. Not you too..." His grip tightened and he buried his face in Yazoo's neck. "Brother...I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Big...baby", Yazoo groaned and squeezed Loz's hand. "He just grazed me. I won't die from this."

"Yes", Hojo said. The two looked up to see their boss looming above them, his brows pinched together with distaste. "And you should count yourselves lucky that I am being so kind."

Loz nodded and swallowed, pulling his brother closer to him. "Thank you, sir."

"Hey now", a new voice said. Pushing the bill of his cap up, a redhead licked his lips and hefted one of the boxes. "There's no call for that. If this is about the money, don't worry about it. It's on the house. We know who you are."

Hojo turned to him, glasses flashing. "Oh...really."

The delivery boy smirked. Hojo squinted at the boy's angular face, at the tattoos beneath his eyes. "You", he whispered.

Kadaj sprinted into the room, gasping, "We got a problem!" He pulled up short when he saw his brothers on the floor.

Flipping the box lid open, Axel laughed. "I'd say that's a bit of an understatement."

The rest of his companions did the same, baring their own bombs to the light as they opened their jackets and drew guns with a flurry of clicks.

Hojo's men all tensed up and went for their own arms when their boss barked, "Don't move."

"Finally", Larxene hissed. "Can we beat shit up now?" She dropped her own pizza box and kicked it aside, making everybody freeze for a tense moment.

When nothing happened, Axel blew out a relieved breath and snarled, "Larx, dammit will you be—", He didn't get the chance to finish because the world exploded.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Deepground rocked on its foundations. Vincent kicked in door after door but he was getting frustrated. "Dammit Shelke...where are you?" He took another turn in the dungeon maze and paused when he heard muffled cries. Whipping out his gun, he shot the lock then wedged his fingers through the crack and hauled the door open.

"Help", a voice rasped. "Please help him..."

Vincent clapped on the light then cursed at what he saw.

A redhead was cowering over Shelke's unconscious body, trying to shield the boy with his own body like the invading light was something that could physically hurt them. Vincent bit the inside of his cheek then pointed his gun at their restraints. His arm jerked with each precise shot. Vincent shrugged out of his coat and wrapped it around the tattered blanket covering Shelke.

"Can you walk", he asked the man who looked a little like Axel.

"Reno", the guy licked his lips after speaking his own name. "And yeah...I think so."

"Then let's go. We don't have much time."

When they stumbled out into the hall—Vincent walking point since he was the only one with a weapon and Reno struggling to keep Shelke slung over his shoulder and walk at the same time—both heard muffled shouts and psychotic whoops from upstairs.

Vincent flinched. "Looks like Larxene's already started." He cut a glance over his shoulder and spit out a curse, grabbing Shelke from Reno's arms and slinging the boy over his shoulder. "Come on kid, there's only one speed. Mine."

Reno had enough strength to grumble about Vincent's shitty attitude and tucked his chin against his chest as he kicked his body into high gear. Heat was coming off the walls now, the fire was spreading faster than anticipated.

"Up, come on, up!"

"I'm going", Reno shot back. He stumbled up the last few steps and swallowed to smother the burn in his lungs. His muscles were trying to seize from the foreign work-out but he just had to keep moving.

"_You _aren't going anywhere pet."

Hojo strode from the shadows with a nonchalance belying his headquarters going up in flames around him.

"Duck", Vincent snarled, but didn't wait for his command to be followed. He shoved Reno out of the way and the muzzles of Quicksilver and Cerberus strained toward one another like sentient beasts.

"Bad move", Hojo sneered. "You won't leave here alive."

Vincent kept his face neutral as he thumbed the safety. "As long as I take your ass with me, that's just fine."

The wall behind Hojo shattered. He had barely enough time to dive out of the way before a beat up Volkswagen bus skidded to a halt where Hojo stood seconds before.

Yuffie popped her head out of the sunroof and placed two fingers to her mouth. An earsplitting whistle rent the air. Cid stuck his head out the driver-side window and hollered, "Get your asses in _now."_

Leon hauled the door open and reached both arms forward to help the first ones that dove toward the vehicle and club their enemies.

Vincent face-palmed then covered him as they got Reno and Shelke inside. He hauled open the second side door to allow everyone else to pile in while he squeezed off shots with his other hand. Axel cursed when Larxene wouldn't detach from the guy she was pummeling into the ground so he heaved her over his shoulder like a sack of flour and cussed up a storm that made Cid's ears pinken a shade. She was gnawing on his lower back so he turned and tore right into her thigh.

"Fucker, let me down", she shrieked.

"Guys let's _go!_"

Axel tossed her at Vincent then dove in himself. Vincent shut the door behind them and Cid didn't wait for the order before he peeled out with the sound of bullets pelting the back of his trusty rig.

They drove off into the night with Hojo's howls creating good feels in their hearts.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"You're all a bunch of snot-nosed little shits, you know that?"

Larxene bit into her drumstick with a blank stare. "Here Cid", she muttered around a mouthful. "Have some. Fried chicken heals all wounded prides."

Cid pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to ignore that." He gestured at the guys Vincent managed to enlist from Rufus. "I mean you guys I can understand. But _you_"_, _Axel winced and shuffled so that he and Roxas were standing behind Larxene. "You guys are still in high school. You could have been hurt! And you", he rounded on Vincent, "You just let them!"

Vincent glowered back at Cid who was radiating heat in his anger. "Everyone, it's time to go home."

Larxene swiped the bucket of chicken off the counter—they'd all gathered in the kitchen—and tipped her head in a salute as she filed out with the rest of Rufus's guys. "See you tomorrow Ax."

He nodded at her then kneaded Roxas's nape with a goofy grin. The blond glanced up at him and tugged him towards the couch so they could go to sleep, too shaken that he almost lost him to punish him with the cold shoulder. Reno was tucked around Shelke on a futon they'd laid out on the floor. Both were fast asleep.

Cid snatched Vincent's arm and steered him into the bedroom. "Are you fucking kidding me", he exploded once they finally shut the door behind them.

Vincent bristled and shed his shirt as he walked across the room towards the bathroom. "I didn't _let _them Cid. Axel followed because he's a crazy little shit and I didn't try to stop him because it wouldn't have worked if I tried."

Cid massaged his temples and sank onto the mattress, shoulders hunched and head bowed. "I'm glad...you're ok."

Vincent paused in the doorway then turned and walked himself between Cid's legs, swathing the older man in a standing hug and enjoying the feeling of Cid's burly arms clinging to his waist. Golden stubble tickled Vincent's stomach. Pale hands cupped Cid's jaw and guided the man's face up.

"The hardest part of all this is that it's not over yet."

Cid scowled, his expression suddenly pained like he had indigestion. "The hardest part has yet to come", he agreed.

Together they took a deep breath, allowing themselves a selfish moment to enjoy this brittle illusion; to remain suspended in the universe they created for just the two of them between these four sacred walls.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Shut up you two", Kadaj prowled the length of Yazoo's room and snarled, "Loz, next time I'll kill you myself."

Yazoo rasped in protest and tried to sit up. "Wasn't...his...fault..." He coughed and groaned when Loz bit his lip and dabbed his brother's forehead with a rag to cleanse the sweat away. They were all crowded into Kadaj's small apartment that they shared since Jenova's untimely demise. Yazoo was on the couch, ensconced in blankets and gauze that were already soaked through while Loz hovered over him like a fretful hen.

"And you", Kadaj snapped at the second eldest. "You need to stop bailing his ass out. This is why he never learns."

"Easy for you to say", Loz pouted. "You're the boss's favorite now."

"It's _precisely_ that reason you boneheads are still alive. Count yourselves _lucky _I'm Hojo's favorite." He stormed from the room and slammed the door to their apartment. The younger siblings kept close to each other as the shadows of evening lengthened until they devoured the floor. Neither counted the minutes that lengthened to hours without Kadaj's presence. All either of them knew was when he finally came back—plastic bags crackling and stuffed to the brim with medicine and bandages in one, hot food in the other—Kadaj did all he did… for them.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Up", Cid barked, planting a boot in Axel's backside.

The younger male snorted, choked, yelped, then promptly tumbled from the couch. Roxas sat up and rubbed one eye, expression tightening with crankiness.

"Get a move on shitheads. You're going to be late for school."

Roxas blinked once. He blinked twice. He flew up from the couch with a shriek and trampled Axel in his quest for first dibs on the bathroom.

Axel rolled over and grabbed his head then rose to his feet as well when Cid nudged him none-too-gently again with his other boot.

Morning punks taken care of, Cid turned to the latest additions of their retarded family and ran a hand down his face. "Since when did my place become a fucking flop-house", he muttered to himself.

Fingers descended on his ass with a sudden, sharp pinch that made him yelp and swat Vincent away. The younger man smirked up at him and gnawed his shoulder. "Thank you for this", he said.

"Don't thank me yet."

Vincent's smirk wavered, he stepped around Cid and headed into the kitchen. "I'll make breakfast."

"Axel, hurry up", Roxas hollered.

The redhead burst from the bathroom with toothbrush shoved firmly between his lips and one arm in his school jacket. He gulped the backwash and snatched his bag off the floor before he caught up with Roxas. Reaching up, the smaller boy tugged on the toothbrush and grimaced when Axel growled at him like a dog, grinning with clenched teeth. He relinquished it after a moment.

"Don't leave that here, nasty shit", Cid walked them out and swiped the toothbrush Roxas tried to set on the counter. He chucked it out after them then shut the door firmly behind him. Glancing over, he rubbed his stubble then popped a cig between his lips.

"Speaking of nasty shit", Vincent said from the kitchen. He wrinkled his nose when Cid responded with a grunt. He lit up and sucked in a deep drag before gesturing at their impromptu guests. "Should we wake 'em for chow?"

Vincent was quiet for so long while he chopped vegetables Cid thought he hadn't heard his question.

He was getting ready to ask again when Vincent murmured, "Let them sleep."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Shelke awoke in a slow, deliberate way. He had time to thoroughly feel the ache in every muscle of his heavy body. "I dont know this ceiling", he mumbled after a moment. His pale forehead puckered with confusion as he tried to blink away the fuzz at the edges of his vision. He shifted and felt something constrict around his legs. For a brief moment, Shelke almost panicked. Then he recognized the foreign sensation as pants. Sweat pants to be exact. He wasn't wearing a shirt though. His eyes slipped shut and his fingers dragged up his stomach as he took stock of the situation. He almost screamed when a familiar voice shushed him and placed a cool rag on his head. "You need to rest", Reno said in that quite voice he was used to using now. Reno took Shelke's hand and led it to rest back at the boy's side.

]

It was hard to believe that once upon a time he was cocky, cynical, somewhat lazy and rather friendly bastard. It was hard to believe he used to be rebellious, with just a touch of sadism coloring his soul. That he used to be laid back.

Now Reno finally knew what all those old farts were talking about. Sometimes…a soul corrodes until there's nothing human left. Wounds fester, create monsters. And monsters devour all that you once were. His foolish strive for immortality, that nothing could ever touch him, hurt him, take from him in the worst way...that was all gone. The old ones really knew what they were talking about.

Reno swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and swiped the rag down Shelke's throat as the boy squirmed.

"W-we got ...we're ok", he gasped, like he wasn't quite able to grasp that they succeeded.

"Yeah", Reno grinned. "We made it kid."

"No thanks to me of course", Vincent muttered, choosing that moment to step in from the other room.

Shelke gulped, Reno helped him to sit up. Seeing Vincent, the boy kicked off the futon blanket and rushed to Vincent's open arms. The older man caught him mid-jump and swung him around before coming to a stop and returning the tight hug. They both laughed quietly when Vincent finally let him down to deliver a sound noogie. Vincent sensed Reno's glare and glanced up, giving him a tight-lipped smile over Shelke's head.

Reno looked away, not understanding why he suddenly felt as if he were intruding on a private moment, not recognizing the heavy ache in his chest as jealousy. Because that was ridiculous. _Reno _did not get jealous over _kids_.

Shelke cleared his throat, the sudden tension in the air making his skin prickle from the palpable chill. "R-Reno this is Vincent. Vincent, Reno."

"We've met", they bit out at the same time.

Shelke flushed. "Oh...well then."

"Are you hungry?" Vincent rumpled Shelke's hair again and the boy shrugged him off with a weak laugh as he swayed a little on his feet.

"You have no idea."

Vincent walked into the kitchen and Shelke made to follow when he felt eyes on his back. There was no threat though, just intent so strong it felt like fingertips brushing against his nape. He turned and met Reno's intense gaze, trying to douse the burn in his cheeks. "Are you coming?"

Reno shook his head and got to his feet. They were both emaciated, but Reno had pulled through the healthiest since Shelke was smaller and more fragile by design. "You go", he said. "I need to hop in the shower."

Shelke rubbed his arm like that would be enough to clear the layers of grime caked on his skin. "Yeah", he said. "That...sounds good."

When you're tortured alongside someone, you forge with them an unbreakable, terrible bond. Shelke and Reno stood facing one another, gaunt, wounded, but alive. The full weight of their connection draped heavy around their hearts like chains.

"Shelke, come on kid. Before it gets cold."

The boy shuffled into the kitchen and left Reno to gather his wits before he padded down the hall in the opposite direction.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

It was a few weeks later and Shelke was back on his feet. Reno remained his constant companion up until now because he was grateful, though always reticent. It would be time for him to leave soon, no matter how much he wanted to stay.

Reno glared at himself in the mirror, mumbled that his eyes used to be green…This wasn't his first shower since their escape but it didn't get any easier, having to face this soiled body where he could still feel the bruises, even if he couldn't see all of them anymore. He leaned forward and pulled his cheek down to get a better look at the strange color, an aquamarine that reminded him too much of Kadaj.

"They're called Mako eyes."

He jumped, turned, didn't bother covering himself. Shelke had already seen it all. Shelke came in and stepped closer to him. "You get them from overdosing on Mako."

"I didn't overdose", Reno snapped. "They fed me that shit."

Shelke put up his hands then placed one on Reno's tense elbow. "I'm sorry. I just thought you would want to know...why some things won't be the same as before."

"Nothing will be the same", Reno muttered, his voice hollow.

Shelke bowed his head and nodded, removing his hand. "I'm going out shopping with Vincent. We'll be back in a bit."

"You gonna let him fuck your ass too?" He thought Shelke wouldn't be able to hear him over the shower spray, but Shelke was a sharp kid. One of the reasons he was so good at fading into the background was his ability to listen.

When the hand returned and steered Reno so he faced Shelke again, the redhead bit his tongue to keep back a curse.

"What did you say?" Shelke's voice was tinged with hurt.

"Nothing", Reno snarled. "Just go."

"This doesn't look like nothing." Shelke massaged the muscle in Reno's jaw that jumped under his thumb. "Talk to me."

"I don't have to answer to you", Reno bristled.

"No. You don't. But I'd like you to feel like you can talk to me because we're friends…aren't we?"

Reno jerked his head back, out of Shelke's reach. "Go talk to Vincent. You two seem like _real _good friends."

Instead of lashing back at him like Reno expected, Shelke laughed. Loudly. It was the kind of sound that sent a shiver down his spine and made his cock jump. Shelke caught the motion in his peripheral, grinned, and met Reno's gaze again without an ounce of repulsion.

"Don't worry" Shelke said around another laugh. "We are, but he's like my brother. Besides, Cid would probably unman me if I ever went there."

Reno's face twisted into a childish pout because of how happy this made him. "Fine", he muttered. "Whatever."

Shelke's nose crinkled in a cute way. He tweaked Reno's arm before stepping back out the door, closing it behind him.

Reno shook his head and combed frustrated fingers through his hair as he turned and slid the glass door of the shower back with a rattle. Reaching up, he pulled the tie from his hair. The locks tumbled down his back to their full length, a defiance of his treatment. Hojo and the others liked to grab his hair, keep him in place. When they escaped, he almost cut it. But that would be giving them a victory. And that was something he couldn't allow so he kept it long.

He stepped one foot in when the bathroom door opened again.

"Shelke, I told you to g—"

He froze when he saw that it wasn't Shelke, but Cid.

Jaw tight with something that wasn't quite anger, Cid said in a low voice," I think it's time you leave."

Reno didn't ask why. He obediently set about shutting the water off and dressed himself in the clothes the older man threw at him. Cid watched him like one would a dangerous animal until he was out the door.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Shelke laughed when he and Vincent managed to shoulder the door open through sheer force of will around all the grocery bags. Vincent whuffed out a sigh of satisfaction when they unloaded the stuff in the kitchen. He scowled when he saw strands of blond poking over the chair in the living room. He walked in and came around the front, where Cid sat slumped, a tumbler of brandy cradled loosely in his calloused fingers.

"Are you alright", Vincent asked, because he knew that tired look.

"Where's Reno", Shelke asked, poking his head in the bathroom, out on the porch as he looked for him.

"Gone", Cid croaked.

Their youngest member whipped around. "Gone", Shelke rasped, expression tight with fear. "Did they...?"

Cid shook his head. "No. They didn't find us. I asked him to leave."

Shelke paled. "Wh-why?"

"What happened Cid", Vincent asked, voice firm.

Cid shot to his feet. "Did you see the tattoo on the back of his shoulder Vince? A _fucking pyramid?!_ You brought a triad into my home?"

Shelke shrank back as Vincent's voice rose too. "You let me stay here don't you?"

"That's different", Cid bit out. "You're not one of them. Not anymore."

"And neither is he. He's as good as dead to his gang. You know that."

Cid shook his head, the lines at the corners of his mouth deepening. "No. I _don't _know that. All I know is that I already have two gangs in Japan fucking me raw. I don't need a third to join the mix. We can't win against them all."

Shelke winced and sank against the wall he'd backed against.

Vincent struggled with himself visibly for a moment, muscles clenching and unclenching. "Fine", he said. "He can't stay here."

"Then I won't either", Shelke cried. He balled his fists and smacked his temples, trying to dispel images of Reno lying face-first in a puddle of his own blood.

"Shut up."

"I'm going after him", Shelke said, even though his voice shook with near hysteria.

"Stop", Vincent snapped.

"You don't know what it's like to lose—!" Horrified, Shelke clapped a hand over his mouth.

Vincent's smile was as sharp as broken glass but his voice was soft. "Just listen. I wasn't finished. He can't stay here but there is someplace he can stay."

"Vin…I'm sorry."

Vincent waved his apology away but Shelke pushed forward, wringing his hands like the kid he was.

"I can't leave him alone. I get it now…this feeling. It's what you meant about doing something for someone you care about."

Vincent gave him a shit eating grin and clapped him on the shoulder. "Just as long as you get it."

The tension between them drained away as easily as it had always done but Shelke's lip still trembled as he scrambled to his feet and ran after Vincent out the door.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"You made this pretty easy punk. I can't believe you."

Reno kept his face blank as Kadaj got right in it.

"I mean, if I were you, I would've kept my tail between my legs. I would've hidden. But a good dog returns to it's masters." Kadaj smirked. "You got balls, I'll give you that. I'm gonna enjoy breakin' in that mouth of yours again." He swept his thumb over Reno's lips and snatched his hand back with a bark of laughter as the redhead bit and drew blood. "Hojo's mad as hell and we've missed you. All of us."

Sinister laughter floated around them. Reno forced his muscles to relax when a hand cupped his nape and…shook him awake. He blinked into cornflower that swam with tears.

"Ho-holy crap", Shelke choked.

The next thing Reno knew, he had an armful of distraught Shelke as the teen threw himself at the redhead.

"I c-can't believe we f-found you. I'm so glad."

Reno grunted around his injuries and wrapped the brat in a hug. Places of places, he ducked into a tight side street and curled up next to a backdoor, just out of the halo of the streetlamp. He only meant to rest there a moment, to try and make a plan, catch his second wind. Bad move on his part. He was more tired than he thought.

"Come on", Shelke said around gulps of air. The younger boy tugged Reno to his feet and led him over to where Vincent was standing at the mouth of the alley. "We've got to hurry."

Reno blinked dumbly down at their entangled fingers and allowed himself to be led as he stumbled after.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Were you followed?"

"No", Vincent said.

Rufus rubbed his stubble and huffed, hand coming to rest against his mouth as he sucked in a tight breath against his palm. "Well….I don't see why not. I have a spare room upstairs but they'll have to share. It's the only one."

Vincent smirked at him. "See how much easier everything is when you say 'yes'?"

Rufus chuckled and shook his head. "Everything is much easier when you don't get any of my boys killed. But you managed to pull them through alright." He cut Vincent with a hard stare. "Be warned though. You owe _me_ one now. And I _will_ collect."

Vincent inclined his head then turned to his charges. "Just keep your heads low and you'll be fine. It'll be a while…a long while before the heat blows over but just be patient." He gave Reno a once over that made the redhead's body coil with offense. "And you better take care of him."

Reno's head jerked with a stiff nod. Vincent's smile turned warm when he glanced at Shelke. "I'll come back and see you soon kid."

Shelke nodded, expression serious like this was some sort of rite of passage. "You be careful too."

Vincent left with a wave he didn't bother to turn around for.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Oh Shelkie." Kadaj glowered down at Vincent's retreating back then his gaze wandered to the sudden square of yellow that blazed to life across from him. "I found you, little mouse."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Reno snorted himself awake and peeked out from under the arm he'd thrown over his eyes. He was on the floor, having given Shelke the only bed and wondered why he felt a warm spot against his nipple. Glancing down, he groaned.

Shelke was cuddled up tight against him. Reno ran a tired hand down his face and somehow managed to wiggle away without waking the boy. He got up and padded toward the window where a silver patch of moonlight lit the floor from the uncurtained windows. He glanced out and nodded at the square of darkness yawning open across the way. The telltale glitter of binoculars looked like teeth.

He raised one finger in signal to give him a minute and the binoculars retreated. They'd been followed. Of course they had. Vincent knew. And it was only a matter of time before Hojo's men came in to bust up the joint. He felt lucky they'd been given this much time.

There was only one option.

Mako eyes flicked over to his Electro-Mag that Rufus had somehow recovered for him. He gripped the familiar weight and swung it once, twice. His stomach clenched as the tip burst to life with a crackle of energy that'd be fatal if it connected with human flesh. He set it down. The drawer to the desk creaked when he pulled it out. A rustle of cloth.

He paused.

Glancing over his shoulder he breathed out a quiet sigh. Shelke was only rolling over. He hadn't awoken.

"_You better take care of him."_

Reno's hand shook as he scratched out a small note and wrapped it around the rod. He then tucked it into Shelke's hands and watched with a smile as they boy's fingers curled tightly around it while he frowned and murmured sleepily. He stayed there, knelt on his haunches for longer than he probably should've.

Eventually he did rise to his feet after brushing his fingers through Shelke's hair a final time and turned to leave.

His injuries made him rusty, or maybe it was just that when Shelke was concerned, his senses were soothed enough to be useless. Whatever it was, he couldn't stop his own weapon from cracking him in the back of the head.

Reno crumpled to the floor without making a sound and Shelke stood over him with an expression like he was about to cry. He shook his head though and stepped over Reno's body without an apology, stuffing the note into his pocket for later.

Hojo wouldn't kill him, but he would kill Reno. And Vincent needed someone on the inside. Someone invisible.

"_You're the only one I can trust, the only one who can do this. We've got to bring his ass down once and for all and I need your help to do that."_

Shelke trembled as he descended the stairs. Rufus was waiting for him at the bottom.

"You sure you want to do this kid?"

He nodded. Despite the looming punishment, despite his fear and loneliness he had to return.

Hojo would be merciful if he proved himself by coming back. His life was counting on it.

"What do you want me to tell that guy", Rufus jerked his thumb upstairs, "when he wakes up and finds you gone?"

"Tell him", Shelke paused. He'd never been one for sappy goodbyes. "Tell him whatever you need to to keep him away."

Rufus raised his shot glass in a solemn salute as Shelke stepped out the door.

Kadaj was waiting for him. He wrapped a hand so firmly around the boy's nape that the leather of his gloves creaked. "You made the right choice, little mouse. Come on."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Reno awoke feeling like his skull was being slowly cleaved in two. He rolled over and blinked hard, a gritty curse getting caught in his throat as he gave up and flopped on his stomach.

"W-where…", he croaked, then coughed as he breathed in a mouthful of dust.

"Gone", a voice growled above him. "The boy is gone."

His body's inhibitions momentarily forgotten, Reno shot up and tried to stand but only managed to topple onto the bed instead. He groaned and forced himself to scoot, to escape, to try and get up again so he could go after Shelke.

A hand on his chest stopped him. Another man was with Rufus and he helped Reno sit and placed a cup to his lips. He gulped down the cool water then sputtered when it was pulled away too fast.

"What the hell do you mean, he's gone?"

"Don't piss on the messenger", Rufus snapped. He pointed at his head. "Where do you think you got this from?"

Suddenly all the pieces fell into place. Reno paled and struggled once again when Rufus's wingman held him down.

"Get off me! I have to go!"

"Don't make me have him sit on you. I'm not above doing that."

Reno stilled at the humiliating thought.

Rufus sat back and nodded. "That's better. Now do you want to hear what I have to say or not?"

"Not really", Reno growled.

"Well shut up and listen anyways. Use your head and think. Watch, and listen, get yourself stronger and don't go in there again all half-cocked or you'll not only get yourself killed but him too. Wait for the right time to strike. It's the invisible ones that hit the hardest, because they're the ones you can't see coming."

Rufus felt rather proud of himself as Reno froze a moment, like the message was actually sinking in. But parts of him would never die. An instant later, he was fighting again.

Rufus sighed and cupped his forehead. "Okay Rayde. Do it."

Reno got knocked cold.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

His punishment had been swift, but there were no more rapes. Just as he'd been hoping, Hojo took his 'allegiance' in good faith and he was restored to his old status, much to Kadaj's chagrin. He was now back in his old apartment like nothing had ever happened. But he would never forget.

Reno's note was crumpled in his fist again, the paper yellowing, the ink fading from how often he took it out and read it, though he'd memorized each word long ago.

"_We may be retreating, but we're still victorious._"

_**So. Shat ending. Again. But I thought it was good. As always forgive any typos you may inevitably encounter. Coming up in this series we get back on track with Axel, Roxas, and Xion's shenanigans. A glimpse into Xion's and Axel's past too. x3 I had fun with that one. Also, after that we march into the more sinister side of the plans blooming between Xion and Marluxia. Get it? Blooming? Ha…haha…plant joke. Anywho~ Till next time!**_


	19. Chapter 17: Self Proclamations of Stupid

_**Hmm… so…? In this portion we get a little into Xion's head. As always, read and review please. Not much to say past that except, I gives credit to ze Creators and to Metallica and DOA.**_

_**Also, I know this may sound kinda silly but check out the Family Guy episode, "New Kidney in Town". Meg comes up with a spiel about hope that kinda makes me go all mushy inside. JUST KIDDING…or am I?**_

**Chapter 17:**** Self Proclamations of Stupidity **

_**January 26**__**th**__**, 2013; 7:56 pm**_

"I hate this fucking cursor."

"Then keep typing so you don't have to see it."

Roxas tossed a glare at his husband. "If it was _that easy _then I would. But I don't have anything to _type about. _Hint-_fucking__-_hint, Axel."

"Forget it. I'm told you I'm not talking about this."

Roxas convinced himself that he wasn't being childish. So when he huffed and crossed his arms and slumped in his chair, he was understandably offended when Axel called him on his shit.

"Are you _still_ pouting?"

Roxas threw up his hands. "Why is it so hard to tell me how you guys met?!"

"Why does it matter", Axel snapped.

"Because _I _like being thorough."

"This is a stupid idea. Who cares how we met."

Roxas reached for him like he wanted to strangle the taller man. Fingers convulsing, he wheezed, "Because _both of you _are an important part of my story, _ok_?"

Leon walked into the room bearing a plate of sandwiches but pulled up short. "Everything ok in here?"

"Butt-out", they growled in unison.

Leon shrugged and walked out…with the sandwiches.

"You could've left those you know", Axel hollered after him. The redhead stood to go chase down their roommate but his husband's hand on his arm stopped him mid-step.

Roxas, expressionless, pressed his lips together. Blue eyes darkened with pain. "I'm sorry."

Axel groaned and dropped to his knees, burying his face in Roxas's lap. After a moment he said, "I just don't like to talk about those days. Or her. Back when he was a her". Though muffled and slow, the words were clear enough to make Roxas ache. Xion's Axel was a part of Roxas's husband he would never know. Axel's pale finger traced the fashionable rip in the blond's jeans, tickling the tan kneecap until Roxas squirmed.

Roxas rubbed a hand down his face and sighed. He was about to say he wouldn't push it anymore when Axel opened his mouth. Covertly, Roxas tapped a few keys and locked his laptop.

"It was back in my wilder days." Axel snorted and nuzzled his cheek against Roxas's thigh. "I wasn't always the charismatic gentleman you see before you, you know? Its hard to explain."

Roxas rolled his eyes and combed fingers through Axel's spikes. "Do it anyway."

"If it was that easy…" He stopped when Roxas smirked down at him. "Oh. Right. Making with the easy." Brow pinched, Axel began in a low voice.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Xion stepped through a cloud of smoke, her raven brows scrunching in distaste. She swallowed a cough and squinted into the dim interior of the bar. Sad husks of men and women haunted the dingy shadows around her but this was none of her concern. What really weighed heavy on her mind was the hour-long train ride it took to get here. What really freaked her out was in Shinjuku, they let you in bars at the age of thirteen, more eager to do so if you were still in your school uniform.

She waved a hand in front of her face to clear the miasma of rancid vomit, alcohol, and who knew what else. It took every ounce of her will not to cough, lest she attract more attention than she already was.

Even with his distinct hair it still took her a while to find him. But she didn't have to see him to know he was here. She could feel him, always could. She wouldn't truly appreciate this talent until many years later, and by then she would literally be a different person.

Finally she spotted him. Picking her way across the sticky floor and dodging hands that swayed as they reached for her, Xion stepped up to the bar and waited. Her charge sagged on his stool and continued to stare into the glass of amber liquid he was clutching. Between the fingers of his other hand a cigarette lay loosely poised, so much ash on it's end she could tell he hadn't touched it for a while.

Her stomach turned.

Of course they wouldn't just stop at letting kids in here. The bartender was silently daring her to say something about serving minors. The glass in his hand was as clean as it would ever get in a place like this but the steady swipe of his rag didn't pause as he eyed them both.

It made her sick that someone her age could glare down at alcohol like that, like a seasoned drinker…like her mother.

She shook her head and focused. Xion was used to Axel smoking, because of his dad. Even if she didn't like him doing it, it helped him with stress. He only drank when things got real bad. She leaned closer and he turned away, but not before she saw the bruise that closed his left eye.

Xion swallowed. "We're not supposed to be here Axe. Come on, lets…lets get you home."

"Home" he barked a bitter laugh. "Yeah right." Bringing the cigarette to his lips, he squeezed, closed his good eye, and drew in a long drag. "Ashtray", Axel muttered. She stared at him for a long minute before holding out her hand, palm up.

He glanced at her with a funny look, and it hurt when he barely hesitated, reaching forward and snubbing the lit ember against her skin.

She didn't wince and a sad smile perked her lips when he shot up and tucked his hands in his pockets. He didn't look at her but his expression showed his age, a stubborn child who knew he did wrong, wanted to make it right. "Come on", he grunted. "I'll…take care of that."

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o

The sun spewed ribbons of color across the sky. School had long since been over and the autumn chill gnawed at Roxas's bones. Nudging his fingers through Axel's hair, Roxas managed to wake him without too much fuss. Warmth settled in his chest like he just knocked back a shot of whiskey when Axel's serene expression scrunched as he snuffled Roxas's thigh.

The weather was bitter and Xion still plagued Roxas's thoughts but him and Axel reconnected today. It was crazy, how fragile this relationship was. The most beautiful things are excruciatingly difficult to build, yet so easy to break it didn't seem fair.

"What time is it", Axel muttered, voice gravelly from sleep. He sat up and rubbed his face.

Roxas grinned at him. "Late enough for classes to be over." He whuffed out a laugh when Axel groaned into his palm. He peeked at Roxas through his fingers and his eyes crinkled at the corners.

They were happier than any two people had the right to be, Roxas thought, chilled to the bone and with pasts they both needed to put behind them.

Smirking, Roxas got up and helped Axel find his feet. "Let's get back to Cid's. I could really go for a bath right now."

Axel nuzzled him and whispered in his ear, "I'll wash your back."

Roxas laughed quietly.

Since Xigbar had crashed his pad, Cid helped him find an apartment in the same complex him and Vincent claimed as their home. They'd be close then, easier to look out for. It wouldn't take them long to transfer Roxas's stuff over, but in the meantime they were staying with Cid. Axel was still resistant about moving in completely but he agreed to keep a few spare changes of clothes at Roxas's new place when the blond was settled in. Roxas accepted this for the small victory it was.

Flooded with warm, yellow light, the inner building on their way to the school's front gate was a welcome reprieve from the bite outside. They shuffled down the hall, leaning heavily on one another, whispering and laughing like they were the only ones in the whole world.

But they weren't. Xion—with his cold eyes and colder smile materialized, passed them, making sure to brush shoulders with Roxas as he gave the blond a calculative glance.

Axel paled, placing a tight hand on Roxas's shoulder like he was suddenly dizzy.

"Hey, Axe baby. Is that any way to greet an old friend?"

"S-sorry Xion", Axel croaked. " It's just …been a while."

"I know." His grin took a mischievous turn. "You look good."

"You too."

Xion's dark eyes flicked to Roxas then back to Axel. Roxas would've missed the small flare in them if he hadn't been looking. "Still skipping classes, I see. You bad boy." He smirked when Axel swallowed and looked away, straightening so he was no longer touching Roxas in any way.

"It's good to see you Xi. You've…changed."

"Some things have. Others haven't." His smirk softened into something cryptic. He leaned forward and glanced up at Axel from under his eyelashes. "We'll have to catch up sometime. Maybe grab a coffee. You know, just the two of us. Like old times." He locked eyes with Roxas as he said the last part.

Like clockwork, Axel's response tumbled from his numb lips before he could stop it. "Sure thing."

Xion turned on his heel and stalked away, raising his hand in a smug farewell Roxas felt was for him alone, like Xion had just won a battle Roxas wasn't aware he was part of until too late. But the gesture wasn't just for him.

A healed-over pucker of flesh on the pale, flawless hand made Axel's face twist. Roxas followed the line of his gaze. "What happened to Xion's hand?" It was plain to even Roxas that the old injury was a burn.

Axel's silence spoke more than his words.

Roxas bristled, about to say something when Axel sagged into him and whispered, "Can we go…p-please?"

The blond froze then nodded warily. He looped an arm around Axel's waist to help keep him steady like before, but this time he wasn't weak in the knees and delirious with happiness. The encounter with Xion sucked all his strength and left him vulnerable and exposed. Roxas helped him as they made the long trek home.

Knocking twice with no answer, Roxas figured no one was home so he used the key Cid gave them and hauled the redhead inside.

Something snapped in Axel once the warmth shook him out of his weak daze. He pinned Roxas to the front door as soon as it closed, tearing his uniform off and making desperate, savage love to him like an animal in heat, like a boy trying to forget. They moved from the door, to the couch.

When Roxas woke up, Axel was gone again.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas glared at his new, sparsely furnished apartment.

"Eh, don't get your panties in a bunch. He'll be back soon. You know how he is."

Unfortunately, Roxas did know. He thought they were making progress. Seems he was wrong.

"If you need me", Cid muttered, "I'm a few doors down." He scratched his head. "Hey."

Roxas looked up from where he was toeing the carpet with socked feet.

"For what it's worth, Vincent does this too. It's the price we pay for loving the wild ones. We fret while they're away, and try to keep the home warm for them, so they know they always have somewhere to return to."

Roxas nodded.

The empty apartment filled with a terrible silence once Cid left. Roxas shook his head and plopped down at his table, cracked open the math textbook and scribbled some mindless notes under the harsh circle from the goose-neck lamp, even though he knew he couldn't process them.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Good work today", Leon mumbled around his unlit cigarette. His entire body tensed then exploded in a single controlled shiver. "Fuck , it's cold out here."

"Enjoy it", Roxas grunted, "Because I won't be here. I'm. Going. Home." His voice was husky from greeting customers all day but he still managed a laugh when Leon flipped him off. Rummaging in his pocket for a pair of earbuds, Roxas frowned after a moment and dug harder, finally extracting a jumble of white cord with a triumphant, "Ha!"

Leon—who came out of the warmth inside the service station to see him off under the pretense of another smoke break—gave the small blond a bemused look before motioning at Roxas's apron. "I know you look good in it kid, but that's work property and we're gonna need it back. Yuffie is bad enough about taking them, we don't need you starting too."

Roxas's sheepish smile didn't reach his eyes. He shrugged off his jacket—ignoring the sudden burst of goose flesh—and undid the strings at the back before handing it over. "Yeah, sorry", Roxas murmured.

Leon cocked his head and shifted the cigarette to the other side of his mouth while Roxas readjusted his jacket and popped one earbud in. "You ok?"

Roxas didn't answer for a second, swiping through his playlist and glancing off into the shadows that swirled outside of the halogen's corona. "Hey, Leon?"

His lighter froze halfway to the end of his cigarette, cupped between both hands. Thinking it over, he lit up anyway then thumbed a stain on Roxas's apron while he waited. The great thing about Leon was that he listened, and let you talk at your own pace. He chewed on the butt of his cigarette, waiting for Roxas to sift through his thoughts.

"Uhm…", he ventured slowly. "Where does… 'Squall' come from?"

It was an obvious cop out, but Roxas was good at those. Leon let it slide, figuring when Roxas felt comfortable enough, he would stop bullshitting. He saw a lot of himself in Roxas anyway, and knew the kid was going through hard times.

Leon's glower radiated sinister intent, for a moment more blinding than the harsh white-blue light that whined overhead. Before Roxas could react, Leon's boot planted itself against his backside. Just because Leon understood didn't mean he'd let the punk pick on him.

Roxas squeaked as he rocketed forward. Pinwheeling both arms to keep his balance, Roxas turned back with a laugh. He knew the name was a sore spot and Leon's retaliation was all in good fun. Roxas needed that kind of mindless distraction right now, to heckle his coworker and pretend that Leon was his friend too, instead of an acquaintance he met through Axel.

That's how it was though, Axel's friends were supposed to be his. Cid was Axel's guardian, and by default, he looked out for Roxas now too. Roxas's last two apartments. Everywhere, _everywhere_ he looked there was a mocking phantom of Axel under the surface. Roxas felt that soon Axel would be taken from him too. But that was silly…right?

A sudden shiver trembled down Roxas's spine. He looked at Leon, fighting to keep his grin in place, but Leon sensed the sharp edge which wasn't there before.

Chocolate met Ice. Leon's eyes glittered and his cigarette slipped from his lips with the next words. "Go ahead, punk. Say my name." He ground the heel of his boot against the glowing ember.

Roxas swallowed and bit his lip. "You didn't answer my question", he said, keeping their little game in play.

Leon let out a low chuckle. He leaned forward and breathed heavily into the shell of Roxas's ear. "If I told you¸ I'd have to kill you…"

"Will you get a move on, bubble butt?!" Yuffie huffed and grunted, shouldering her way past them as she lugged a box almost twice her size. It clinked with each tottering step she made toward the recycle dumpster.

Leon tugged his jacket in place, winking at Roxas before jogging ahead to lift the black lid. He smirked as Yuffie struggled to dump her load, but she was too short to reach. Straining on her toes, Yuffie cut him a hot glare.

"Get a move on, Miss-I-wanna-be-a-ninja-but-my-booty's-too-pirate. "

She dropped the box and scissor-kicked Leon hard enough to drive him back a foot. "Shrivel and die you premadonna", she spat, red faced from the strain of carrying that stupid box. "I _am _a ninja!"

Roxas ducked a projectile that whizzed over his head and splatted the back of Leon's jacket. "Ugh", he groused, craning to assess the damage as Yuffie ripped open her box and popped the bottles one by one into the dumpster. "Cid, that's nasty".

Roxas shrieked and hit the floor again when Cid lobbed more missiles at Leon. The yellow spongecakes cut through the frigid air and Cid's aim was brutally precise, his expression surly.

"Cid! Fuck, ok! Mercy, mercy!"

"That's what you get for being an ass to my girl."

Yuffie giggled and slammed the black lid on the recycle bin. She paled when Cid's glare leveled on her too.

"All of you get back to work _now_. There are pumps to be manned and shelves to be stocked. Time is money people! And chucking hostess at each other ain't gonna cut it."

Roxas raised his hand slowly.

"This ain't a fuckin' classroom kid. Spit it out."

"With all due respect sir…you were the one throwing desserts and I'm already off for the night."

"Then get going so these bozos can focus."

He turned on his heel just in time to catch Yuffie making faces at him behind his back. His unlit cigar vibrated with how hard he was gnashing it between his teeth. He strode up, poked her in the shoulder, muttering"Anything to add, Ms. Kisaragi?"

She paled and saluted, "No sir, Mr. Cid sir."

Leon let out a tired sigh. "C'mon Yuff. Let's get this over with."

She grumbled but didn't disagree. He jerked as the hyper ninja-who-wasn't glommed his arm and tugged on it, bouncing back on her heels.

"Do the thing! Come on do it! Your impression; come on, come on, come oooooon!"

He tsked but smiled down at her. "My boyfriend would have your head if he saw you right now. You know that right?"

She released his arm and stuck her tongue out.

Cid let out a wistful sigh. "If only that little brat was still here. He could pump gas like a pro. Never complained neither."

Yuffie choked. "Gas isn't the only thing he pumps." She leered at Leon who smacked her over the head.

"I'm serious, woman."

Yuffie held up her hands and rolled her eyes, tone heavy with sarcasm. "Oh, you're right. I'd better watch it, or he might sit on me as he gorges on Ben and Jerry's."

Leon laughed. "Yeah, he does pump well though, so I accept his quirky ice cream fetish."

Chest seizing, Roxas took an unconscious step back. It was in little ways like this that he remembered he wasn't a member of their group, not really. Cid clapped him on the shoulder, stopping him before they could collide. His gruff scowl softened a little.

"Who's Cloud?" Roxas asked.

The older man rubbed his stubble. "Come to think of it", he said, "Cloud's pretty much an older version of you. Almost the same face and hair, though you're more a bitch like Leon", Roxas crossed his arms. "And, well…" Cid paused and considered. "If Leon was Axel, Cloud would be you." Cid grinned. "Just another one of my brats. We're all one big happy, fucked-up family." Cid looped an arm around Roxas's neck and gave him a noogie. "And you're one of us now whether you like it or not, so wipe that look off your face."

Though Roxas shrugged the older man off, his body was once again relaxed.

Yuffie exchanged a few more vanilla clichés with Leon before flouncing up to the glass door and tugging it open. She shifted her weight and blew on her hands, impatient to get out of the cold.

Leon shook his head, called after her, "Hey Yuff."

She looked back and cocked her head. Leon grinned and leaned all his weight onto one hip.

Cid's voice thundered, "Get your asses inside, _now_. You're letting in the fucking cold."

Leon locked gazes with his coworker before tweaking his voice up a few octaves."Ya betta work, bitches!"

"Stop fuckin' mocking me Leon."

Yuffie squealed and tackled Leon as they both dashed inside. Cid stormed after them, hefting a twinky. He turned back to shoot a glower at Roxas. "I said get outta here." Cid cleared his throat. " Vincent has curry cookin by the way." Cid's aim switched from Leon and Yuffie to Roxas.

Roxas sprinted off with a snicker, waving as Yuffie's giggling farewell followed him over Cid's ominous countdown.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The haunting strains of Do as Infinity's, "Raven" tinkled in Roxas's ears. He buried his face deeper in the scarf Yuffie had made for him as he battled his way through the frozen Sunday evening. Curry sounded nice, but he wouldn't mooch from Cid and Vincent if he could help it.

It was a couple of days since his resolution with Axel on the rooftop. Axel didn't show for school. He'd simply disappeared off the face of the earth. Again. The same story was really getting old. He knew Axel would be back eventually but knowing that didn't make it easier when he was gone.

Xion was like an oppressive poison that made Roxas feel sick just being near him. He knew things about Axel Roxas couldn't hope to guess at, and every opportunity that presented itself, Xion would fire questions at him, mocking his lack of knowledge.

"Does Axel still sleep like a cat?"

"Is Axel still obsessed with peanut butter and pickles?"

"Does he still like this? Does he still do that? He used to be…oh, but of course you know how he is, right?"

On and on and on. When Roxas was trapped in the classroom he'd lay his head on the desk and listen while other students spoke in tongues around him.

Axel's friends all welcomed Xion back like he hadn't changed so drastically, like he was another seamless part of the group even after so long an absence. Except Demyx, and occasionally Sora—because he was a crackhead like that, and couldn't ignore anyone in good conscience—no one talked to him. They were the only ones that acknowledged his existence, that he was a person even without Axel around.

That was alright though. Xion was his issue to deal with. Roxas had no right to intrude and they all knew it.

It started as just questions, then shoulder bumps. Things began to escalate though. Loogies in his seat, ink splatters all over his notes. Just little things that were meant to intimidate. And they were working.

Roxas knew how to fight, but Xigbar was different. He was a blatant, ugly guy who came at you without going behind your back.

Roxas never had any proof that Xion was his tormentor, just a feeling. And even though Axel taught him to trust in his feelings, he wasn't petty enough to strike back at Xion, who used to be…was probably _still _an important person to Axel. He just had to take comfort and place all his hope in being Axel's number one.

Hell hath no fury like a he-she scorned.

Yet, with all the bad treatment he inflicted on Roxas, it was nowhere near all the flack he caught. Marluxia's trio were an affliction to all students but Marluxia himself had recently developed a very concerted interest in making Xion's life a living hell. Roxas's blood went cold as he remembered how the incident boiled over, how they'd cornered Xion behind the lockers by the bathroom. He kept hidden and saw the whole thing.

_Marluxia planted a solid punch to Xion's solar plexus. He blew a tuft of pink hair out of his face and swung his foot down, connecting with an arrogant hoot of laughter._

"_Your body may have changed, but your weaknesses haven't!"_

_Xion tried to roll away. He coughed as he was stopped by Saix's leg. Bending down, Saix clamped Xion's shoulders in his burly grip and forced the ravenet to find his feet again. _

_Zexion lounged against the wall, scratching words in his big black book. He didn't encourage his friends, but he wasn't making an effort to stop them either. He was as bad as them if he could watch this hazing so easily. _

_Marluxia and Saix dragged Xion to the nearby bathrooms. They let him go then shoved him hard. Xion staggered forward a few steps, flinched, jutted his jaw to show that he wasn't quite so afraid of them as they might like._

_Roxas pressed himself behind the lockers and drew a deep breath before poking his head out. His stomach turned in sympathy. _

_Marluxia was licking his lips in the same manner Xigbar had done with Roxas while he scraped one well-manicured fingernail down Xion's jaw. _

"_Don't touch me", the boy snarled back, slapping his hand away. _

"_It seems we are at an impasse." Marluxia smirked and motioned to the bathrooms behind Xion. His smirk turned into a leer as he sized up the feminine boy. Saix's steady chuckles joined the tune of Xion's torment. Zexion sighed and closed his book, clutching it to his chest and focusing his one visible eye on Xion too. _

_Xion started to quiver. What none of them knew was that it wasn't from fear—his shaking came from a deep, terrible fury. It was shame. It was ridicule. It was the bile that burns in the back of your throat when you can't fight back._

"_I remember you Xi. You were quite the pretty thing once upon a time", Marluxia sighed. "Wanted to play with the big boys? God, what the hell happened to you sweetheart?"_

"_Don't call me that, you scumbag. You know nothing about me!"_

"_Foul words from such a pretty mouth. You can't run from your problems, no matter what you try, no matter what new form or name you try to assume." Marluxia's face took on a hard edge. "I hate people like you, people who try to abandon their place in life." _

_Saix's brow furrowed. He glanced at Marluxia in question, but his leader wasn't even paying attention. He was wholly focused on Xion in a way he shouldn't have been. When Marluxia had suggested they do this, it was under the pretense of good, dirty fun. Asserting their strength by stepping on the weak. That was __**all **__it was supposed to be. But Marluxia was turning it into something more. _

_Marluxia shoved Xion forward again, then paced behind him before suddenly and savagely fisting a portion of Xion's hair. He jerked the smaller boy around, heedless of his small, pained cries, forcing him to take a close look at the signs on each side of the wall. _

"_Will it be left, or will it be right?"_

_When Xion clenched his teeth instead of saying something, Marluxia jerked his hair again. Xion sobbed and struggled but Marluxia's grip was too strong. _

_Saix put a hand on his shoulder. "Marx, come on. Let's get out of here."_

_Marluxia shrugged him off. "If you're too much of a pussy to help, then step back and watch with Zexion. I don't mind." He glared down at Xion and his smile was all teeth as he added, "Besides, I'm having __**fun**__. Aren't you?"_

_Xion spit in his face. _

_Marluxia threw him down with all his strength. Even from where Roxas was standing he could hear Xion hadn't landed right. He edged closer. Xion's muffled whimpers reached him after a moment. _

"_I said, left or right? Prove to us that you have balls now… so to speak."_

_Saix and Zexion laughed quietly because there was nothing else they could do. _

_Xion's chest constricted as he forced himself to rise to his knees, then, expression haunted, he lifted his head and staggered to his feet with his own power. Marluxia joined his friends and stood back, crossing his arms with amusement while Xion took his first shaky steps toward the boys bathroom. _

_Saix tsked in disgust. "Wrong answer."_

_Xion tensed and turned toward the girls bathroom._

_Zexion cleared his throat. "I wouldn't go that way if I were you."_

_At the end of his rope, Xion whirled around. "Where should I go then? What do you want from me?!"_

_Marluxia rushed forward and slammed Xion's head against the sunken wall between the two bathrooms. He ground the younger boy's skull against the rough brick. Nausea rose thick and bitter in the back of Xion's throat as sparks crowded the corners of his vision. Everything he was suffered the soul deep, crushing agony. He couldn't breathe…_

"_What__ we have here is a failure to communicate." He looked over his shoulder at the other two. "Poor Xixi doesn't get it yet does he? How about we give him a hand?"_

_Zexion tossed him a bag, his face grim._

_Marluxia caught the rattling shock of red in one hand. When Roxas squinted closer, he saw it was a bag of skittles._

"_It was a trick question. We want nothing from you because __**you are nothing**__. You hear me? The only category you have is a chick with a dick. A doll with balls…"_

_He breathed the last part in Xion's ear, making the younger boy close his eyes and fight back tears. Marluxia was at his back. Why couldn't he just stab him or something and get it over with?_

_Axel's face rippled in his mind and he opened his eyes again. No. He wouldn't let this get to him. He was back for a reason. He wasn't strong enough to take care of Axel back then, he left when his friend and love needed him most. But he was not that person anymore, he was not that __**weak. **_

_Xion's silence was more rebellious than words so Marluxia slammed his head against the wall again._

"_Does it even work?" Saix muttered loud enough for everyone to hear._

"_No, I think they're plastic implants that just hang." Zexion answered. "Or if they take the hormones, they rearrange stuff down there. Make it look like a dick, but it won't function." _

"_Tch, __**it's**__ such a dyke", Marluxia crowed with laughter. "You should've just stayed a girl. It's such a waste."_

_Tears swam in Xion's eyes but Marluxia snatched his chin and forced their faces close. "Ah, ah, ah", he cooed. "Boys don't cry, remember? So you're __**not allowed**__. Not anymore."_

_Xion sniffed, tore himself out of Marluxia's grip and stood straight. "Fuck you", he hissed, voice trembling. "I've made some changes, sure, but you're still the same old prick."_

_Marluxia's chuckle was low and sinister. _

_Roxas couldn't stand it anymore. He stomped in place, hoping against hope that it would sound like someone authoritative coming closer. _

_Zexion and Saix perked up when they heard the steps echoing down the hall. "Do it and let's go man. Someone's coming."_

_Razored pink waves fell over Marluxia's eyes as he nodded. "Hear that? You're just an __**'it'**__. How does this make you feel?"_

_Without waiting for an answer, Marluxia tore the bag open with his teeth. He released Xion who slumped against the wall, cradling his head where blood trickled from his wound. He cowered from Marluxia's closed fist, looming above him._

_A myriad of rainbow candy plunked Xion's head with more gravity than they should have for their small size. The footsteps got closer and the boys scrambled to make a quick exit. _

_Marluxia turned back and sneered over his broken toy. "Taste the rainbow, you fucking faggot." They were far from over but this was a good start._

_Roxas remembered jogging the rest of the way once he was sure Marluxia and his crew were around the corner. He paused when his feet crunched on the scattered pile of skittles._

"_Hey, are you…?"_

_Of course he wasn't okay. Roxas reached down and offered him a hand. Xion looked up with such staggering wrath reflecting in his dark eyes that Roxas took an involuntary step back.. _

"_Back off", Xion snapped. _

_Anger flared in Roxas. "I'm just trying to help. Why are you being such a—" He bit off the thought before he could complete it, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, let me help you. Please." _

"_I don't need your goddamn pity so back off", Xion grit out, though his voice was a little more controlled than before._

"_Hey, come on…"_

"_Don't. Just don't, alright? I don't need help from you or anyone else so leave me alone."_

_Roxas froze, hearing the same words he'd uttered so many times falling from some one else's mouth. Had he always said them with such venom? Had he always sounded so toxic?_

_Xion got to his feet on his own and shoved past Roxas, limping down the hall with one hand on the wall of lockers for balance. He paused and turned back. _

"_By the way…where's Axel?"_

_Roxas flinched as if Xion had just physically slapped him. He looked up and locked eyes with Xion. By the ravenet's expression he knew Roxas didn't know…even though he should've. The one person he should've been helping most was out of his reach. _

"_He does this with you too, huh? Just runs off." Xion cocked his head. "You really __**don't**__ know where he is, do you?" Xion's face twisted into something ugly with victory. "That's a pity.__** I**__ never had that problem."_

_It was suddenly very difficult for Roxas to breath. He groaned quietly and stumbled back to brace himself against the wall. Xion put his hands up as if in surrender and dabbed at the blood on his temple before continuing his slow limp away. _

_Roxas didn't understand everything Xion was going through. Didn't even want to try. But he thought he could at least be empathetic about people pushing Xion around. If Xion didn't want to play nice though, Roxas wouldn't either. _

_A funny thing about life is that you find out things later when you least need them, rather than the moment when those things are absolutely crucial. Life is supposed to give you what you need when you need it. But it only deems you worthy once you've fought tooth and nail, once you've worked your knuckles bloody and scraped at the obstacle for so long your nails get torn off. _

_Life only gives you what you want if you're brave enough and strong enough to seize whatever it is you need first. _

_Perhaps Xion wanted to be a guy not just to make a change, but to escape all the problems that plagued his old self like Marluxia said. Who was Xion before?_

_Regardless of the before and after, Xion had the gumption to take the steps to be what he felt he needed to be, despite the mixed reactions he knew would plague him. Roxas could admire that strength in him. Envy it even._

_But that didn't mean he had to like the fucker for trying to interfere with him and Axel._

_Xion had made Roxas's position quite clear in his eyes—just another obstacle standing in his way. Unfortunately for Xion, Roxas was one obstacle that wouldn't be so easily moved. _

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Arms wrapped around Roxas's neck while he was in mid-stride, snapping him out of the memory. Roxas's heart stopped for a moment as a familiar voice purred against the shell of his ear. "Honey, I'm hoooome."

Both the memory and Axel's reappearance jarred Roxas, leaving him shaky and breathless from anger that sparked sudden and hot.

If this were a romance novel, Roxas would turn into Axel's arms, whisper sweet nothings to him and sob with relief. Roxas might also be expected to kiss him.

Luckily real life wasn't as mushy.

Sure, part of Roxas was happy. A very _small part. _The rest of him was _pissed_.

Roxas raised his elbow into Axel's solar plexus then turned into it and sucker- punched his lover square in the throat. Axel fell back sputtering as Roxas straddled his chest, not caring that they were out in the open, sprawled on the frigid cement. He fisted numb fingers in Axel's leather jacket and gave him a shake.

Axel blinked up the feisty blond, bemused. "Rox", he started to say, but Roxas cut him off.

"No! Where. Have. You. Been!?"

So quick he almost missed it, a wretched shadow dwarfed Axel's features. Roxas paused. Axel shifted under him then sat up to brush a kiss against Roxas's tight mouth. His lips quivered, then he gave in with a groan, eyes slipping shut and hands massaging instead of clinging.

Axel laughed quietly with their mouths still attached, wrapping his arms around Roxas's small body and pulling him closer. In one fluid movement he found his feet again.

Roxas sputtered, "Put me down dammit."

"I've missed you too scrumptious", Axel nipped his nose then readjusted him, falling into step with his own shadow.

Roxas harumphed but cooperated, laying his head on Axel's bony shoulder, lulled by how warm he suddenly felt. "I have…missed you", Roxas mumbled after a moment. He wanted to gnaw his own ankle off for copping to it. Roxas buried his face in the scent of leather and cinnamon, hiding because he could feel the slow burn of a blush coming on.

Roxas squirmed as they stepped off the curb. He groped around a little, slapped Axel when he pretended to moan, and popped an earbud into the ear that wasn't plastered to Axel's heartbeat.

Just like that, like Axel hadn't been gone for days again, like Xion wasn't dogging Roxas's steps, he let Axel carry him the rest of the way home. It took some maneuvering because the redhead refused to let him down long enough to hand over the keys. Axel opened the door with one arm. Roxas was insistent though, and wriggled his way down Axel's body. Even then, he only let the blond down long enough for him to strip from his jacket and scarf.

Roxas did so as slow as possible just to spite him. Axel snorted then tipped his head back, took a deep breath. "Vincent cooked curry", he stated.

Roxas made a face when he saw that there was indeed a lidded casserole on his kitchen counter. Maybe he should rethink leaving a spare set with them if they were just going to barge in and leave food. Good smelling food.

His stomach gurgled in a way that told his mind to shut the fuck up.

"Hey", Axel growled. "You've dawdled long enough." He yanked Roxas to him. The smaller boy smothered a gasp when he got dragged to his bedroom. With a soft whoosh, Axel threw Roxas on the bed and crawled on top of him. His actions were desperate as he pawed, tore the rest of Roxas's clothes off, leaving him half-naked yet wholly exposed. Axel dipped his head with a happy rumble and dragged his lips over the warm flesh beneath Roxas's collarbone.

"W-wait", Roxas gasped. He was fighting to keep his last shreds of sentience with Axel's mouth working on him, trying, trying to stay angry but Axel made it…him…so hard. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm eating right now", Axel mumbled, teeth dragging back up to nibble Roxas's earlobe.

"Axel", he snapped. "Please…just wait a minute."

Axel sat back, eyes glowing with impatience. "Haven't you missed me?"

Roxas swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and forced himself to sit up. In the dim reflection from the window, he saw shadows under Axel's eyes and patches of darkness on his skin that could've been bruises or just poor light. His chest seizing with guilt at Axel's lost expression, he scooted forward and buried his face in the crook of the redhead's neck. "Of course I have, stupid."

Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas and rocked with him. You never realize how much you should appreciate something or someone until you have to go without the company for a while. "That settles it then", Axel murmured against Roxas's hair. He pressed Roxas down against the pillows and suckled gently on his pulse. Arching, the smaller male reached to pull his shirt off but Axel snatched his wrist.

Roxas opened his eyes, expression calm and very aware of the reason why Axel was stopping him. "Show me."

Spikes swishing softly, Axel shook his head and moved away from him.

Roxas reached for his arm but Axel shied away from his touch again. "Stop."

"Well", Roxas mimicked. "That settles it then, doesn't it?"

Axel puffed out a defeated sigh and stepped away from the bed. He made like he wanted to walk out but Roxas blocked his path. "Don't you dare do this to me again."

Axel stiffened. "Don't tell me what to do Roxas."

Combing frustrated fingers through his hair, Roxas tugged and swallowed a shout. "I thought", he said, voice trembling, "We'd been through this already. I can't keep up the waiting game. I can't, okay? You say you'll stop but you keep disappearing on me. Please! I need you to talk to me! Let me _help_ you for fuck's sake."

Axel's smile was blank and haunted.

"Axel…"

He bent forward and placed a chaste kiss on Roxas's forehead. "I get it. I'm sorry. I'll stop."

Stop what, he didn't specify. Only when he stepped around Roxas and headed for the front door did it sink in.

That more than anything hurt. Roxas could live with the secrecy to a certain degree, could even live with the disappearing act for a little longer than he was letting on, but this shutting down crap wasn't working.

Anger, sharp and bitter, kicked his virgin maiden right in the cooch. Before he knew what he was doing, Roxas reached for the hem of Axel's jacket and shirt, yanked so sharply that both garments had no choice but to come quietly, or be ripped off.

In a quiet, appalled moment, his stomach clenched while he took in all of what Axel tried to cover up.

Painful welts; red, green, yellow, black and purple blotched the pale canvas of Axel's flesh. Everywhere Roxas's eyes roamed he could see where Axel had been handled, as if someone beat him with a whip, then a bat and few broken bottles for good measure. Axel grit his teeth and the shame in his eyes as he fought to hide himself burned Roxas to the core. He clicked on the lamp so he could see better.

Breathing labored, Roxas glared at him. "Tell me who did this."

"No!" He jerked away sharply as Roxas grabbed him, forced him to face the scrutiny. There were perfect hand prints around his throat from where someone had tried to strangle him.

"Axel…jesus, what—?"

"I said don't touch me!"

His blood turned to battery acid and sounds began to muffle. If this was how other people felt when they got violent to protect someone, he understood. It was the ugliest kind of rush. "Tell me who did this and I'll—"

"You'll what?", he shot back. "Protect me? Roxas, I taught _you_ how to fight remember? What the hell can you do?"

Roxas recoiled like Axel had just dealt him a fatal blow.

Who? Not Xigbar, he'd disappeared off the scene. Not Marluxia, he was too wrapped up in tormenting Xion. Surely Axel had a good number of enemies, but he knew how to defend himself, he wouldn't just lay down and take this much question chased itself around and around in his mind until the answer shuddered into place with a neat little click.

Axel's eyes flashed.

"Your father", Roxas confirmed.

Lips pressed into a tight line, Axel turned away. "Yeah", he said, without emotion. "You guessed right. Congratulations. Can I go now or are you gonna start beating me too if I misbehave? Or perhaps you'll just make it easy and keep me here as your hostage, hm?"

Roxas tackled Axel to the ground with a strangled shout. They rolled for dominance for a few seconds until Roxas finally emerged the victor. He slammed Axel's wrists above his head and pinned them there. Panting heavilly, both males glared at each other, locked in their stalemate that was as much with bodies as it was wills.

"…_shit always went bad between his mom and dad. She died and his father was left to care for a son he never wanted. He beat him bloody every time he looked at him..."_

"I _love _you, you fucking bastard. I would never do this to you."

Axel swallowed and Roxas followed the motion, disgusted at the bruise he'd painted on Axel's throat above the hand prints.

Flexing his hands, he mimicked Roxas's thoughts through a smirk, "Could've fooled me."

"I was _worried sick _about you! But I waited patiently for you to come back. Just like…I will always…" Frustrated, Roxas slammed Axel's wrists down again. He grit his teeth, bowed his head. A sob ripped itself from his throat as he gasped, "Why are you doing this to me?"

Slowly, Axel guided their eyes to meet again with a tilt of his head.

Roxas knew why, he understood the resentment and bittersweetness of laying your heart and soul bare to someone, always petrified that they'd throw it back in your face even when they swore not to. Even if that special person _couldn't _hurt you, suspicion lurks beneath the surface forever after someone is kicked around for too long. It always manifests in little ways, stupid ways.

Strike first, avoid being stricken.

"Don't go back. This is poison Axel, look at you."

Beneath him, Axel stiffened, searching the other male for pity, calculation, ridicule, and knowing at the same time that he wouldn't find any of that in Roxas's eyes. All that confronted him, picked at his resolve, was affection and concern.

He was an ass. Shame joined the kaleidoscope of emotions that made his stomach churn. "Get off me Rox. Please", he said softly.

"Why do you keep letting him do this?"

Axel didn't answer. Roxas pressed harder and sank down against him, laying their cheeks together and breathing in Axel's ear. "Please stay. Don't go this time." Roxas's fingers released their grip. He brought them back and folded his hands into a makeshift pillow despite how sore they were. Roxas hid his face and began to tremble. It was a stupid thing to ask again, at the worst time. Maybe he should just let Axel…

"It's alright?"

…go?

In a dizzying rush of relief, Roxas's clammy body relaxed, his strength fading into a dull headache.

Axel grazed a hesitant hand up Roxas's leg. The blond shivered despite the heat of his fingers.

"Yes." The one word answer was filled with a contrite apology for his panic, and a pledge: there was more than one way to protect someone, and that's exactly what Roxas would do for him from now on.

Axel's chest rose and Roxas shifted with him as he took a deep breathe.

The smaller boy rolled off to give him room, but Axel turned into his body and held Roxas's back against his front. They stayed that way for a long time until Roxas's side started to numb. "The food's getting cold."

"That's what the microwave is for."

Roxas huffed and fiddled with Axel's fingers. After a moment he said, "Xion's an asshole. What did you ever see in him?"

Axel shifted and poked his head up. "What?"

"Xion's a total asshole. I mean, I kind of understand where he's coming from and stuff because getting picked on sucks but—"

Axel's eyes darkened. "Who's picking on Xi?"

"Who fucking cares!? Will you just listen to me for a second?"

Axel shrugged and heaved himself into a sitting position, crooking his legs. "Go on then."

"…"

Axel snorted and shot Roxas a bemused look. He stood and retrieved his shirt, pulled it on, then toed his boots off at the door. Turning, he padded back to the kitchen to poke at Vincent's cold curry. "I'm waiting."

"… Xion is bound and determined to get you back and he's been making my life a living hell."

Axel ambled back in to crouch next to Roxas again and took a tan hand into his. He kissed all five fingers, then Roxas's palm before he spoke.

"First, Xion was a girl before." He stopped the next tirade before it began by biting Roxas's bottom lip. "Second, she was my first yes, but that was before you were ever a twinkle in my eye. And third? I don't care about that now. She may have been my first—and she will always be in my heart as a special friend—but you are here now. I don't jump around like that. I don't have the energy for it."

Roxas snorted. "Could've fooled me", he muttered, fingering the last of his fading hickies. Nonetheless, it made him feel better to hear it from Axel's mouth. He squinted at the redhead though, noting that he was skirting around the issue. "Again, I get the why. But what's it gonna take to make him stop?"

Axel hedged and rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous hand. "Xi can be….rather tenacious. When I knew…_her,_ she wouldn't stop till she got what she wanted_._" He flopped on his butt and pulled Roxas into his lap. "I'll talk to Xion."

Roxas hummed against him,_** "Trust I seek, and I find in you. Every day for us something new. Open mind for a different view…"**_

"_**And nothing else matters…"**_**, **Axel sang softly, breath fanning blond spikes.

They smirked at each other before the taller male hoisted his companion up. Roxas yelped when Axel delivered a sharp smack to his ass. "That was for earlier, you shit."

Roxas's laugh was smoky, relaxed and genuine. He trotted back to the bedroom like he was just remembering something important. Curious, Axel followed and when he leaned in the doorway, he smiled. Roxas was hunched over, fishing in his pocket for something. He extracted a white rectangle with wires attached and placed it with careful reverence on the table before plugging it in.

"You have everything on that iPod don't you?"

Roxas stuck his tongue out. "You bet your booty I do."

"I won't bet my booty Roxy boy. But I will bet yours."

Roxas snorted again, scrolling to his "Axel" playlist while the redhead in question peeled off his clothes.

They flopped into bed together as the first strains of "Nothing Else Matters" floated through the dark.

"Vincent's gonna kill us for not eating", Roxas murmured.

"He'll live." Axel yanked him closer and buried his face in the crook of Roxas's neck.

That night, they didn't have sex—it was something more intimate. Heart to heart and soul to soul, they breathed in each other and held hands.

Kodak moments…

When Axel talked to Xion he'd be there tomorrow. Roxas would kick Marluxia in the shins tomorrow. And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

_**Ha. Was it just me, or did that draaaaag? I hope it's just me. So. Updates:**_

_**I was committed recently for almost pushing someone down the escalator at work. You want a fucked up job? Work retail! But yeah, I'm under close observation now. I needed to write a bit of fluff because it's a guilty pleasure. Seriously, now I'm clinical folks. And it SUX. But I'll keep pushing on. **_

_**I'm encouraged to write my novels and fanfics so I don't commit felonies. I'm allowed to keep my job though and college just started up again! So, good things despite all the bullshit. **_

_**But enough about me, lovlies! Order of Ops: ASFW, Live and Learn, more LM, and if I can squeeze it in sooner rather than later, Pondering of Peripherals. Wish me luck and little slack. **_

_**Next time: Marluxia and his Dad get into it and Axel accepts Xion's invitation for coffee. Little does he know what's in store.**_

_**By the way, I may have already mentioned it but I haz serious parental issues so I apologize if it all seems rather redundant xD I don't know if anyone's p-rentals in this story except Sora's are going to be ALIVE and cool. I miss Roxas's mom ;-;**_

_**But yeah. Ragequit. Typos later. Blah.**_

_**Review~?**_


	20. Chapter 18: Smells Like Teen Spirit

**This is the chapter where some of the groundwork for the final loop is being laid out. This story has gripped me most for personal reasons so I offer my humblest apologies for still not getting around to ASFW or any of my others. Seriously yo, I still really, reaaaally wanna update ASFW. I HAVE NOT dropped that or any of my stories. They're my babies. RL has just been insane, almost as insane as me!**

**You will hear from me again before Christmas. Until then I have three words for you:**

**Read. Enjoy. Ect.**

**Chapter 18****: **_**Smells Like Teen Spirit**_

_The senses lead us into different memories_, Roxas typed under the harsh halo from the gooseneck. The blond leaned back and took off his glasses to massage his eyes with one hand. He set them down with a click and listened to the sound of the house on it's foundations, the slight thump of Leon and Tidus bickering in their room, the rattle and clank of Axel in his workshop as he vented frustrations over his lack of witty jingle inspiration.

Sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste. Roxas got up and paced the room, pausing by the window to take in the night. Despite the chill in the air he cracked the glass door open and stepped onto the balcony. The taint of car exhaust that was part-and-parcel to living in the big city muted somewhat from the clouds above, heavy and dark with the promise of snow.

He rubbed the side of his face and muttered something under his breath, face puckering into a serene scowl as he sifted his thoughts into some semblance of order.

The things that'd seemed so small in his life, pebbles in the cosmic pond, rippled outward into something bigger he wasn't able to see at the time. It led him here; rock star, amateur novelist, best friend to Leon, a globally celebrated culinary artist, and husband to Axel, the most infuriating man in the world.

A fat flake slowly drifted down to sting his nose. Roxas hissed and shrank back inside like the fetid snow could melt him like acid.

No matter how beautiful it was, Roxas couldn't shake the dark side—how snow smothered the world and moved like it had a mind, like it got a taste for killing the world once and came back every year to claim a little bit more.

He despised this time of year, the color white, the smell of alcohol. It made yearn for the smell of leather and cigarettes. It was all so strange.

Innocent little objects or places or smells or touches that might pass other people by as ordinary dragged those held under their thrall back to good times. Back to bad times. Back to indifferent times.

Roxas blew out a tired breath and glared at the clock before reclaiming his seat and pursing his lips at the computer screen. He wasn't writing the autobiography for anyone but himself and didn't care if no one read it. This book meant closure.

Roxas picked up the phone and dialed, leaning back in his chair as the cool voice of the main person responsible for his position today spoke into the receiver.

This person who used to be so vicious, who had plotted and come at Roxas with everything in his soul, who hadn't given Roxas much time to wallow and had made him stand up and fight….

"Xion, how are you?"

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_**December 16, 2007**_

"Hey mom. I miss you…but…but I'm doing well. Axel is here with me today."

After he lit the incense and bowed his head in prayer the redhead rose from his kneel. He dusted his hands off on his pants then reached out and squeezed Roxas's shoulder.

Blue eyes were hollow with grief, but at least this time they were dry. He'd become numb from the devastation inside, distant to the stone that bore his mother's name. No matter how he tried though, he couldn't quite wrap his mind around her being under all that dirt, silent and cold and asleep forever.

She was deaf to all the questions he'd thought to ask too late. Her arms were heavy at her sides and wouldn't reach up to hold him anymore. Most of the time now, it was easier to keep both feet on the ground. Slowly he was becoming okay with it, able to keep his head on straight.

Bob Dylan suddenly crooned in his ear. Roxas pressed the single earbud further into his ear, mouthing the words as he shivered.

**I can survive, I can endure  
>And I don't even think about her<br>Most of the time….**

**Most of the time  
>I can't even be sure<br>If she was ever with me  
>Or if I was with her<strong>

**Most of the time  
>I'm halfway content<br>Most of the time  
>I know exactly where it went<strong>

**Most of the time…****  
><strong>**I'm strong enough not to hate****  
><strong>**I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick**

**I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick****  
><strong>**I can smile in the face of mankind**

**Most of the time…****  
><strong>

**I don't cheat on myself, I don't run and hide  
>Hide from the feelings buried deep inside<br>**

**I don't compromise and I don't pretend  
>I don't even care if I ever see her again<br>Most of the time**

Roxas bit his lip when Axel's fingers tightened slightly as he bent down to place the other earbud at his ear.

Axel smiled and turned to place a kiss in his hair. "Look on the bright side", he murmured, moving closer to wrap his arms around the smaller boy as they swayed slowly to the music. "At least you don't have some psycho ex-girlfriend brandishing a package of maxi pads and old ketchup at you."

Roxas snorted and shoved him away, a laugh startled from him before he could stifle it. "What did you do to the poor girl to deserve that?"

Axel shrugged, completely shameless as he teased, "She found out I was gay. Women, man, they're scary." He reached over and ruffled Roxas's hair then turned his attention back to the headstone.

"I envy you dear woman. You're at peace. I'm telling you, this kid snores like no other. When you can Ma, get back to me on what to do about his toe nail thing too. He leaves them everywhere. "

Mortified, Roxas shoved him again, "I do not! That's gross!"

Axel danced around him and chuckled, dodging more blows from the enraged blond. This is what he had to do, keep Roxas distracted. It was getting easier for Roxas to do so himself but he still needed help.

Roxas's attempts on Axel's life slowed, his cheeks flushed from the chill in the air and something else. Axel shifted his weight and looked away at the tender expression on the boy's face. "You called her Ma."

Axel's ears turned pink and he scowled. "Sue me", he barked.

Roxas's grin turned creepy.

Axel's hackles rose. "Stop the presses and call off the damn boy-wonder in tights, okay? It's not a big deal."

"Sounded like a proposal to me."

Axel sniffed. "Nope. I'm not ready to be a house wife yet."

Though he knew it was sacrilege in this place, Roxas burst out laughing. "That's it", he gasped. I'm calling Logo. This is the A-List! Square Enix edition."

Axel blinked at him like he'd become unhinged. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Roxas paused then shrugged. "Dunno. But it sounded good." He blew on his hands, tone sober again as he muttered, "Let's get out of here."

Axel burrowed into his muffler and together they turned as one…only to freeze on the spot. A tiny hint of raven hair drifted between the grave stones like a will-o-wisp. Roxas cocked his head and Axel paled.

Roxas knew it was familiar. He just knew it.

And he should've left it at that. But his feet moved before he could stop them.

Xion had his back to them. He knelt at a gravestone a couple of rows over, similar to the simple and elegant design of Roxas's mother. With his head bent and his hands clasped in prayer Roxas could almost think of him as a benign annoyance instead of the scheming prick he'd come to know. Roxas stopped a few feet away, with Axel close by but nervous now.

White chrysanthemums bowed in the gentle, biting breeze and the smoke from his incense swirled around Xion and his pious moment. He looked up, sensing eyes on his back.

Axel's fingers slipped from Roxas as he met Xion's dark gaze. He swallowed and stepped forward.

The green monster inside Roxas reared its ugly head but he tamped it back down, his entire body clenching in defense. It wasn't his place to say anything. Especially here.

Though times were tough for him, he still had Axel by his side and he didn't get picked on nearly as much as Xion did. Still, something inside him cried out as Axel walked away. He had no more family, nothing to call his own. What if Xion was the one who really did? What if Axel decided he was better off living in the past?

_**Don't let him go. He might not come back. **_

_Shut up. He will! He promised…_

Roxas shook his head, expression setting grimly. He knew what it was like to lose someone and he had no right to be petty if Axel wanted to comfort an old friend.

**We are young…heartache to heartache we stand. Love. Is. A. Battlefield.**

Roxas shoved his hand in his pocket and squeezed the iPod hard, contemplated dashing the damn thing against the leering angel that loomed next to him. Sometimes the tunes were a little too appropriate for comfort.

Xion started, eyes narrow with suspicion when Axel placed a warm hand on his shoulder. Something flickered in his expression before he shot up and threw his arms around the redhead, sobbing into his shoulder. Axel stiffened for an awkward moment, surprise and discomfort holding his bones in place before he melted into the hug and stroked Xion's hair. They murmured to each other in low tones for a few minutes.

_Just a friend. Xion is just a frieeeeend…_

Yeah fucking right.

Roxas stalked up to them when he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Xion, fancy meeting you here."

He turned and the glimmer in his eyes died instantly.

Roxas: 1; Xion: 0.

"What are you doing here Meguriaukagi?"

"I'm here with _my_ boyfriend to see someone."

Roxas: 2; Xion: 0. Fuck, he was losing control.

The blond motioned behind him. "My mom is back there. So what are you doing?"

Xion's spine straightened and he stepped away from Axel, though he kept one hand on the redhead's back, just to goad Roxas. He cleared his throat and masked his hurt with all the accomplished presence of the actor he was. "That's none of your business", he sneered.

Roxas snorted then tossed a glance at Axel who was scowling at him. His face pulled into a matching glare.

"Come on guys", Axel tried. "Let's at least pretend to get along."

Xion and Roxas whipped Axel with a glare. His hands shot up in surrender.

"Okay, maybe not", he muttered.

"No kidding Axe. With friends like him who needs enemies", Roxas snarled.

Axel's scowl darkened. "Knock it off Roxas. I mean it."

Xion scrunched his nose and stuck his tongue out at the blond before squeezing Axel a little tighter. "Yeah", Xion whispered, his voice thick with fake tears. "It happened a while ago."

Axel refocused his attention on the stone and blinked slowly. "She was a good woman Xi. I'm so sorry." Axel's arm came around Xion's shoulders and squeezed.

"Don't", the boy sighed. "It's alright." He leaned on Axel and propped his head on the redhead's chest.

That was seriously it. If that fucking diva wanted a rumble, he had one coming.

Axel scattered Roxas's murderous thoughts as he stepped out of Xion's embrace and slung an arm over Roxas's shoulders. Roxas blinked in surprise then grinned, fighting the urge to stick his tongue out at Xion. Axel leaned all his weight on one hip and searched the ground as if he had lost something, fingers drumming a light pattern through Roxas's jacket.

Xion curled his lip and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear in that girly motion Roxas was really starting to hate. A growl rumbled low in his throat.

"Enough Roxas." Axel jostled him lightly. "Be nice."

Tch. Roxas: 2, Xion: 1.

"So this is how it is, huh?" Xion crossed his arms and regarded them with a wary expression.

All the anger that had just consumed Roxas was ripped from his chest as he considered considered Xion too. Roxas grimaced with a sigh. He wanted the anger back. It would protect him…not lower his guard. Helpless, Roxas felt the anger quiet inside him, replaced by something much, much worse.

Pity.

Xion stiffened and turned on his heel to walk away.

"Xi, wai—"

Axel let the feeble hand drop that had drifted up to reached after the retreating boy. His voice died in his throat then he tucked his hands deep in his pockets.

None of them noticed the sharp green eyes that followed Xion's every move. A fourth shadow slipped between the stones to trail after it's prey.

Something snapped inside Roxas as he watched Axel watching Xion.

"Oh what, so you aren't going after him? I know you want to."

Axel turned on him with a snarl. "Will you just give it a fucking rest!? Look, Xi is still special to me okay? But as a _friend_ _only_. I'm with you. _You_! So why can't you have a little faith in me?"

_Because you're going to leave again._

Ugh. Roxas:-6000, Xion: 2.

Final tally: Xion won again in a battle Roxas didn't even know he was fighting. He grit his teeth and swallowed the pain that bubbled thick and hot in his lungs, trying to suffocate him.

The fire in Axel extinguished as Roxas drew into himself. Axel's shoulders sagged and he felt like shit when he tried to wrap Roxas in a hug but the other boy stepped out of his reach, his entire body trembling as he shook his head. "No", he rasped. "I get it. It's fine. You don't have to…"

"I'm sorry Rox. Really…" He spread his hands and came forward again slowly like Roxas was a frightened animal about to bolt.

"It's me who should apologize. I don't mean to freak out."

This time Roxas did let Axel hug him, squeeze him tight. Axel placed a chaste kiss to Roxas's forehead. "I know babe. I know, and it's okay."

It really wasn't but Roxas didn't have the energy to push the issue. He rested his head against Axel's warm shoulder while long fingers threaded through his hair.

"You can go after him if you want. For that coffee thing."

"Later", Axel muttered, his grip tightening.

Roxas's face twisted and he hid himself in Axel's jacket. They stood like that for a long time until Roxas's feet began to numb. He cleared his throat and stepped back.

Contrite, Roxas went up to the gravestone Xion had stood in front of like he was protecting it. Inside he went cold as he mouthed the inscription carved in elegant script:

"_Here lies a beloved mother, daughter, sister and wife: our dearest Xerena Shio. May you rest in peace."_

Roxas clutched his side as a wave of sickness turned his stomach. On the marble the word 'mother' had been rubbed so smooth that it was almost completely faded. Just how long had Xion been without…?

Placing a hand against the cold stone, he shut his eyes and felt Axel watching him. The stone vibrated with grief and loss and lonliness. Had his family forsaken Xion just like their classmates? Was Xion okay?

"It's…It's not fair. I never knew. Xion had loved her mother so much…"

Roxas glanced behind him. Axel's hands hung heavy by his sides. His expression haunted, he stepped forward and Roxas knew the redhead couldn't see him. Axel was looking right through Roxas and into days when it had just been him and Xion.

Axel rubbed his face. He mumbled something under his breath and Roxas leaned forward. "What's up?"

"I said", Axel sighed, sounding exhausted, "That white is a funny thing. The color."

Roxas quirked an eyebrow. "Mind explaining what you mean?"

Axel's eyes bleached with pain and he wrapped his arms around his middle, as if he were trying to hold the words in. "It can stand by itself, or it can blend seamlessly with other things. I used to like the color white until it reminded me of something much darker. White is purity. White is beauty. But white is also… empty."

"Are you ok", Roxas asked slowly. He put a hesitant hand on the redhead's shoulder, encouraged when he didn't flinch away.

As if the weather was picking up on Axel's morbid thoughts, the clouds burst open in a gentle flurry and began swathing everything in a layer of frozen diamonds. Each perfect. Each different. Each so excruciatingly fragile…like a heart.

Axel turned and brushed past Roxas but the boy didn't say anything, content enough that Axel was heading for his apartment. Their heavy footsteps crunched the thin layer that would build upon itself too quickly, sealing the world in a silence as absolute as the tomb.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"Everybody has their place boy, there's a natural order to things. Remember that. It's the duty of the strong to rule the weak."

"I thought it was to 'protect the weak'", Marluxia sneered.

His father backhanded him. "Don't push me", the man hissed, looming over Marluxia. "I allow you your little deviances", he motioned at Marluxia's pink hair, "But you will not associate with that boy, not even to show him his place, do you hear me? He's filth."

Of course his father would know about Xion. The eyes of the law were everywhere.

Marluxia got up, his eyes lingering on the badge that glittered on his father's chest as he wiped blood from his lip. Contempt curled his features. "Whatever you say, dear father."

He got backhanded again.

"Mark me", the police chief snarled in his son's ear as he fisted a handful of the boy's hair and yanked. "After high school, your ass is mine. I'm placing a patrol on you at all times. If that little transvestite comes near you again, I'll—" His threat was cut off as Marluxia tore himself out of the man's grasp and snatched his jacket from the coat tree, slamming the door behind him with enough force to shake their windows. He took the steps from the high-rise three at a time even as his father's shouts followed him into the cold.

Marluxia smiled grimly, nodding his head at the cop car waiting for him at the base of the stairwell. He'd been raised on this bullshit and he knew how they worked. Which also meant he knew how to lose them.

And that's exactly what he did, heading afterward not for Saix's house, or Zexion's. His feet carried him to Hojo's new hangout. His father claimed he knew everything. Ha!

He'd check in with the boss then go have himself a little fun.

Xion lived alone.

It seemed whatever family he had before was dead or had abandoned him because of his life choices. After some digging, Marluxia found out that Xion worked at Hazama, a gay bar run by Mama Xemnas in Ni-chōme: Area 2 in the Shinjuku district. The name was fitting because just like Xion, the name meant "In Between".

Xion was a dancer there, and from what Marluxia understood, he did a few favors on the side sometimes to bring in extra cash. Marluxia chuckled to himself. Mama would demand a cut of course. Nothing got past that tired queen.

Xemnas was a close affiliate with Hojo's crew and for a fee, Regenesis watched their backs and kept the cops away from the club.

No questions were asked. How Xion had come back, even had the money for such a transformation without his family's assistance baffled Marluxia but maybe that was part of the reason he worked for Mama Xemnas. The age didn't matter. Only his tight, new body and his skill on a pole.

Marluxia smirked as he caught sight of Xion and trailed him home. What would he learn about the little he-she today?

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

When they walked through the door, it was out of stubbornness that they drifted apart to do their own thing.

Axel puttered in the kitchen while Roxas flopped on the couch and heaved a sigh.

Wanting to say something but not being able to find the right words was the worst feeling in the world, Roxas decided.

"Axel…If you want to… I don't know…take out Xion for coffee like he wanted or something…I'd let you?" He cleared his throat when his voice cracked.

**Foot in mouth and head up asshole, what you talking 'bout?... Fucking hypocrite…**

Roxas scrambled for his iPod and switched it off before tossing it gently on the table. He glared at it and pulled his feet under him as Axel drifted in to hand him a cup of cocoa. The redhead took a seat next to Roxas just as the blond muttered, "Damn you _Tool_", into his drink.

Offended, Axel crossed his arms and leaned back to size him up. "That's not what you said last night, if memory serves me correctly."

Roxas rolled his eyes."Not you, it's this thing." He gestured to the music player. "It's creeping me out lately." He felt like an absolute lunatic, reading too much into the situation.

Axel took a loud sip and grabbed Roxas's cup, setting them both on the table. Stifling Roxas's protest by threading his fingers into blond hair, Axel beckoned the boy into his lap. Once he was comfortable, Roxas harumphed.

"What's ailing you little one?"

Goosebumps broke out on the back of Roxas's neck when Axel didn't wait for an answer. He leaned forward and mouthed the tender skin, his arms tightening against Roxas's front to keep him in place when the blond tried to arch away from him.

"N-nothing. Don't do that! Hey, where are you touching!"

Axel's throat rumbled with a gentle chuckle. "I'm distracting you from the answer you don't want to hear." His long fingers walked a path up Roxas's thigh while he buried his face into the boy's nape and took a deep breath. "I'm also trying to prove to you that you can trust me."

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and relaxed. Axel was weak to Xion because of their past, a bumbling idiot who stuttered and went faint like a little school girl. But Roxas heard the truth in Axel's soft words. He nodded and bit his lip.

They had enough issues to struggle with; school, Marluxia and Xigbar, bills, work. Roxas didn't need to obsess over Xion too.

There was no room for fighting. No room for love. And yet they'd found it, cramped into this big city that just kept building on itself as it's people talked in circles and masked insults with manners.

Roxas snatched Axel's wrist and paused his exploration for a moment. Green eyes blinked in a very catlike fashion and Roxas swallowed so he wouldn't fall for the temptation.

"Seriously, Axel. I don't mind if you want some one on one time with Xion."

Axel watched him then said, "Yes, you do. You're a terrible liar."

Roxas clenched his jaw. Axel's mouth pulled into a slight frown before he closed the distance between them and crushed Roxas to him. "Thank you."

The blond looked away then pinched Axel's leg.

"Ow, fucker! What was that for?!"

"Hesitating in the face of my gracious offer", Roxas grumped, jutting his chin.

"Don't blame me, you brat. I'm just taking preventive measures so I don't get bitten in the ass again."

"I have never bitten your ass!"

Axel tapped his chin in thought. "You're right. You're too short to even reach it."

Roxas punched him this time, then they both sobered though the mood was no longer oppressive.

Axel nipped Roxas's shoulder and made him break out in fresh goose bumps."I want your word. Trust me."

"I do." Roxas took a deep breath then continued. "I won't freak out on you for touching base with an old friend… as long as he knows that's all it is. And no more touching than that! And…and no letting him hang all over you again!"

Axel scoffed. "Dear Roxy, how will you know if he does such a thing? I mean, it'll just be the two of us. All… _alone_."

Roxas smiled at him, his expression serene as he grabbed Axel through his pants and squeezed until the redhead's face matched his hair."I'll twist. So help me! I. Will. Twist!"

"Kidding. I was kidding", he wheezed out in a breathy squeak three octaves too high.

Roxas got up in a huff, making sure his back was still to him. "Just as friends", he repeated. "You promise."

Axel limped to his feet as well and slung his arm around Roxas's small shoulders. "I promise, if…"

"If I don't freak out. Okay", Roxas sighed. Grabbing his hand, Roxas laced their fingers together and tugged a little bit.

"Where are we going?"

"After all we've been through you'd think you'd be able to recognize it when your boyfriend is seducing you."

Axel closed his eyes and bent forward to take in a deep whiff of Roxas's hair. "Mmm… bite it good, 'k?"

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Their voices melted together in a tuneless song that was older than time. Darkness in the bedroom. Rumpled sheets steeped in sweat and sex... Roxas marked Axel and Axel returned the favor over and over, in a blissful yet tormenting assurance; a blistering promise of flesh against flesh.

Afterward they lay tangled together as if the heat of passion had melted their very bones. The snow outside fell without a sound while Axel snoozed on Roxas's belly. The world gave itself over into a cold stasis as the clouds blanketed the ground.

But neither boy felt the deadly chill. They thought themselves inseparable in the sanctity of their bedroom.

In the morning, they met Xion at the gates and he seemed the perfect picture of a friend; polite and excited even with Roxas. When Axel drifted off to go to the restroom, he thought nothing of it when Xion moved closer to Roxas, elated that they finally seemed to be getting along.

He didn't hear the single word Xion bent to whisper in Roxas's ear.

"Checkmate."

Gritting his teeth, Roxas realized letting Axel go was a mistake. But a promise was a promise and he'd trust in Axel even if Xion made him sick.

Little did he know that if he'd just been selfish this one last time, it'd save them both from falling apart in the months to come.

**So that's it then for this chapter! I prostrate myself before Pat Benatar, Bob Dylan, and Tool for their musical prowess that I unabashedly siphon. We get a little bit of Xion's present circumstances. He's not a bad guy really. Just kinda…ruthless. More on that later. Will also comb for typos later. Jeez, bad girl! Amrite?**

**Anyways what did you guys think? Awesome? Lolsome?**

**Let me know!**

**Next time: The snow gets colder, Yuffie and Leon drag Roxas out to spy on Axel's coffee date …and disaster strikes. **


	21. Chapter 19: Love and Loss and a Kick to

**Lil Wayne and Eminem. Two men that have an artistic way with words. Also… Napolean XIV because it's depraved, Bullet for my Valentine, and Rolling Stones too.**

**And a new chapter. Yay. Read at your discretion kind people. And hey, thanks for sticking with me this far :3 **

**I started the final draft this morning before I knew how shitty today was going to be. Well, more on that later. **

_**Chapter 19:**__** Love and Loss and a Hard Kick in a Sore Ass**_

_**Febuary 26, 2013**_

"Did you just hiss at me? Seriously?"

Tidus glared at Roxas over his coffee mug, knees tucked against his chest. "Yes. I did. And would you like to know why?"

"Because you're a stupid little ninny who hasn't gotten laid in a week?"

Tidus huffed and rearranged himself on the wicker chair to get more comfortable. They were having breakfast alone, which normally didn't bother Roxas because by "having breakfast alone", meant that most of the time he could slink into Axel's workshop and feed him scraps and bemoan to him how much he hated having Tidus in his house.

But they were alone, alone. As in, their men were both out for the weekend on business trips; Leon in Italy for a cooking convention and Axel…off doing Axel things for inspiration.

He missed Axel. Dearly. Because the fucker always reminded him at the right moments that he owed Leon a debt, ergo, his surfer-bumb boyfriend being allowed in Roxas's house. Not that there wasn't enough room of course. There was plenty, in fact. And if Tidus stayed, Roxas's tummy stayed happy from Leon's cooking.

Tidus was just a bitch. An annoying bitch. An annoying bitch that was regrettably about to bleed all over his favorite table cloth. Roxas clenched his butter knife with white knuckles.

"No", the other blond muttered, looking out at the grey sky. "I did it because…when it rains, it really fucking pours. And I hate the rain. But I also hate the snow."

"Then keep your tongue off random poles", Roxas snapped.

Tidus tossed him a wicked grin and stuck his tongue out….only to have it caught by Rosa's sharp bread tongs.

"Manners at the table mijo", she chastised, setting down her weapon of choice to pour Roxas more coffee.

Instead of lashing out, Tidus muttered dark things at her back as she waddled away, belly swollen with so much child she made Roxas nervous.

"When are they coming back", Roxas groaned, rubbing his face to keep from screaming.

"Wish I knew", Tidus answered darkly. He pushed his unfinished waffle away as a few fat flakes touched the glass roof in the sun room. Silence settled like a thick wall between them before Tidus whispered, "Want some hot cocoa?"

Roxas eyed the other man, gauging his sincerity. Once upon a time he'd almost slept with him in a period of severely poor judgement…thank god he'd avoided that sinking ship. Tidus was Leon's responsibility now, however happily the other man took on the task. Fucking masochist.

But for all his irritation at the slacker mooch, Tidus had been there at a pivotal point in his life.

"Sure", Roxas answered quietly. "Sounds good."

They got up and Roxas began to gather the dishes. "Make it yourself though, I don't want Rosa working any harder than she has to."

Tidus nodded.

Roxas brought the dishes into the kitchen and rinsed them off before placing them in the dishwasher. Then he grabbed a rag to clean off the table. He spent longer than he needed wiping it down, seeing stains that were no longer there.

Tidus startled him by setting the promised chocolaty concoction at his elbow with a click.

The snow above them, ever silent, fell thicker now, blanketing the grounds in a chilly stasis. Roxas picked up his cocoa and sipped. Even if Axel were home, Roxas realized, he'd just walk away. There would be no pause, no affectionate twinkle in his eye or warm arms to fall into.

Roxas contemplated the pond and the drifting ice forming on it's surface. Axel always got this way around the winter time though. Perhaps that's why he traveled a lot. To outrun the cold.

"Snow beckons with assurances of new beginnings in Spring as it kills you slowly, knowing you'll never last that long. But at least it does you the courtesy of erasing your painful mistakes, like it covers up footsteps traced in it's old fall."

"Ok, T.S. Elliot. Dark much?"

Roxas snorted. He deserved to say such things though because he never saw pure white snow anymore. He saw it tinted with the phantom splatters of Axel's blood. It was his fault for going. It was Roxas's fault for letting him go.

"No matter how much snow falls, it can never stop the pain completely. Only numb it for a while", Roxas continued.

"Look doom and gloom. Should I go? You're totally bumming me out."

Roxas rolled his eyes, falling into his dark mood completely without a care for the consequences. "Fine with me. Get the fuck out." He pinned Tidus's shocked face with eyes as hard as ice. "And don't come back."

Roxas pushed him into it. He should have listened when Axel asked him so many times if he should stay.

Tidus stood, face tight as he moved from the table. Roxas didn't make a move to stop him. When the door slammed, he covered his eyes with one hand and took a deep breath. He couldn't look Rosa in her startled, pregnant face when she came to check up on him.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_**December 7**__**th**__**, 2007**_

"Roxy? Roxy babe, wake up. I'm leaving now."

Roxas lounged in bed with his back to Axel, pretending to still be asleep. Axel rolled him over gently and pressed their lips together in a slow, lingering caress.

"You're going to be late if you don't go now", Roxas mumbled, though his arms went to loop Axel's neck as heat bloomed deliciously in his whole body.

Axel smiled, lowered his head to nuzzle Roxas's neck. "Mm, I thought you were asleep."

"Well I can't really let the lion snatch the lamb now can I?"

Axel wrinkled his nose. "You're rather naked to be a lamb. I'll smear you in mint jelly."

"Ugh!" Roxas pinched him and curled his lip. "Mint is nasty. I much prefer cinnamon."

Axel blew into Roxas's ear, making him cringe. "Stay just like that for me."

"You don't take no for an answer, do you?"

"Have I ever?" He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

Roxas yanked him down by his hair and devoured his spicy kisses again. "I love the way you taste", he gasped, licking his lips when Axel pulled back to press his own lips to Roxas's nose, then his forehead.

"I know", he murmured back, eyes dark. "Don't look away from me Rox." He commanded Roxas's attention as he crawled onto the bed and straddled him, towering above the blond like a red shadow: all strength, all passion. He was an undeniable maelstrom, ablaze and focused solely on the boy below him.

Roxas groaned when Axel pinned his wrists to the bed and swept down on him."D-d…Ax…need…uuungh."

He chuckled and slid down the lean, tan body, snatching the bed sheet and dragging it away with his teeth as he went.

The sensation of the cotton barely ghosting against his flesh made him squirm. It teased and tickled like a whisper, left an explosion of burning chills that made Roxas's teeth chatter.

Axel gouged his fingernails down in a matching trail before he dragged his tongue over the stinging welts.

Roxas's stomach clenched and he cried out, throwing his head to the side when Axel's tongue dipped down to swirl his navel. "St…sto….mph! Y-you'll get your clothes dirty!"

"Open your eyes for a moment Roxy."

Roxas complied, cracking his eyes open and trying to ignore how hard it was to catch his breath.. "Ever notice how nice the ceiling is? I wonder how they do that spiky thingy with the paint."

Axel's teeth sank into his thigh and Roxas arched his back, letting out a strangled gasp from more than the pain.

"Look at me", Axel growled.

Swallowing, Roxas's gaze drifted down to where Axel was perched between his spread thighs. He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes into the back of his head. His toes curled in the sheets and his jaw clenched, nostrils flaring. He had to calm down.

Axel's lips quirked into a smile as he lifted a taunting brow. "Now tell me, do I look like I care about my clothes getting dirty?"

Roxas stared at him and gulped, marveling at how he was so confident and untouchable even as his lips hovered near Roxas's dick. "Just wait… please…"

"Is that really what you want?" He lowered his head and Roxas shuddered as red spikes tickled his stomach and thighs, making the areas all the more sensitive with the little nips Axel placed here and there.

"I c-can't…"

"Can't what?"

"Please…"

"Please what? Tell me what you want Roxas." He took a deep breath and blew on each of the hickies slowly before stopping to place a single finger on the tip of Roxas's throbbing penis.

Glaring down at him with half-lidded eyes, Roxas breathed, "Blow me."

"Oh Roxy, that's not conversation for proper company."

Roxas's laugh was breathy. "Good thing there's none here huh?"

Axel nodded solemnly, raising his right hand. "I'm sworn to secrecy."

Roxas shook his head at Axel's silliness but was yanked back into the moment when Axel tipped his head and took Roxas to the hilt on the first try. His throat closed tight and wet. Roxas saw white and bucked into his mouth.

Instead of choking or holding Roxas down, he went with it as the blond fucked his mouth. He slipped a hand under the small of Roxas's back and helped him to sit and lean back so he could take him deeper.

Roxas was beside himself; sweating and shaking and cursing softly between soft whines.

Axel chuckled and the resulting vibration made Roxas shout his name and clutch his spikes with white knuckles while his body seized. A swirl of heat prickled his stomach in warning.

"Ax-el, g-gunna…hn!"

In a rush of color and static Roxas's body released itself. He let out a broken cry and collapsed into the pillows, exhausted.

Axel stayed with his face buried between tan legs as he opened his throat and swallowed every last drop shamelessly, only releasing Roxas when he began to soften. Roxas's dick glistened and twitched, almost having the audacity to swell with blood again but Roxas took a few deep breaths and imagined Yuffie naked. He calmed instantly.

Axel crawled back up his body to drape himself over the blond's chest.

Roxas tensed and pinched his arm. "You didn't have to do that."

"No, I didn't. But I wanted to."

Roxas scowled. Axel's breath teased his nipple into a hard little pebble as he fell into a relaxed trance of his own.

"Axel", Roxas warned.

"Relax squirt. I'm going." He tweaked Roxas's nose then gave him a quick peck before standing and pulling his clothes back in order.

Roxas watched him without a word. He had to trust him. This was just another test in their relationship and he had to trust Axel to pass with flying colors. "Take your time. I want Xion to know he's not a threat to me."

Axel nodded, his expression serious and guarded. "I'll be home before lunch."

People say they'd walk through fire for other people. Roxas cocked his head. He didn't mind fire so much. Being around Axel meant being constantly consumed by fever. It was ice he'd brave, the cold loneliness of Axel's absence. He had to hold his tongue though, for both their sakes.

He loved Axel, loved him so much that he'd sooner kick back bare-assed with a group of penguins that Demyx had spooned than see him hurt. And that's just what the uncertainty with Xion was doing.

He would regret it too if he didn't do this.

Roxas could hate himself later for rushing the issue. It's not like they didn't have all the time in the world.

Axel stopped at the door and hung back, shifting his weight and stuffing his hands into this pockets. "Are you sure you want me to go? Is this absolutely alright?"

"Absotively posalutely", Roxas sighed.

It was at that moment his iPod awoke, speakers singing softly into the grey room:

"_**The time is here again, prepare to be apart. And it drives us crazy. Each time I go away, the distance gets longer, but it makes us stronger. Should it all come crashing down around me? Would you be there? Should I stumble or fall and pick up the pieces?"**_

Axel crossed his arms and jerked his head towards Roxas's computer, face twisted like he was holding back a laugh. "Do you have that thing rigged or something?"

Roxas shook his head. "I swear I don't. Now stop dawdling. Shoo!" _Before I change my mind. _

He lingered for a few seconds more then walked down the hall and out the door.

Roxas sprawled out and screamed into a pillow before turning over and staring at the ceiling. He wondered idly why the bed was a place most cozy when you have to leave it.

His bed had always been more of a nest. He piled a number of pillows and blankets on then carved out a spot for himself somewhere in the organized chaos. When he started sharing a bed with Axel, his habits didn't really change.

Love was a terrible, beautiful thing. All at once you feel possessive over a single person, with their flaws and every little thing that makes them wonderful. Axel accepted Roxas just as Roxas did him.

He sighed and reached for the ceiling, opening his hand then clenching it over a cluster of spots. With nothing left to do, he sat up and swung his legs over to curl his toes in the carpet.

A knock at the door made him growl. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants and left his top half naked, padding to the door and pulling it open. "Axel, how many times have I told you not to forget…your…keys. Oh."

He tried to shut the door but Yuffie stuck her foot in the crack and gave him an evil grin. "I sensed something amiss in the force", she chirped.

"Shit. Go away", Roxas whined.

"Not on your life short-stuff."

Just then, Roxas's phone rattled on the kitchen counter. Yuffie raced to answer it but Roxas beat her to it, holding her back while he flipped it open and placed it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey brat. Cloud's off on some cockamamie trip with his Great Aunt Toki again. Wanna chill?"

"Depends", Roxas grunted. "I have a certain ninja-yakuza who's stuck to my ass."

Yuffie bit his arm.

"Fuck", he shouted.

"Yuffie just bite you?"

"Leon, help", Roxas wailed.

"I am _not_ Yakuza", Yuffie growled, stalking him across his living room with her evil dripping fangs.

"Get this she-thing away from me", Roxas yelped.

Leon laughed in his ear. "I'll be right over. Try to hold out till then."

The line went dead.

"Ah…ah!" Roxas grabbed a ruler from his coffee table and swiped at her. "Back you beast!"

She laughed and lunged for him.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

When Roxas answered the door to let Leon in ten minutes later, his upper extremities were covered in an array of scratches and bites like he had in fact been fending off a wild animal. "You're late", he griped.

"Squally", Yuffie squealed, launching herself into his arms.

Leon caught her then hauled her up by her arm and swatted her ass. "Behave", he snapped.

She pouted when he let her down again then shrugged off his jacket. "So what's up?"

Roxas turned to go make coffee. "Nothing."

"Where's the boyfriend?"

"Nowhere", Roxas said too quickly.

Yuffie snickered. "He's gallivanting around with an old flame."

Roxas's head snapped up. "How do you know that?"

She tossed him a blank stare. "Ninja. Duh?"

His face darkened so much that Leon stepped between them just in case.

"It's none of your business", he snarled.

She thumbed her nose at him. "Somebody's touchy."

"Yuffie, leave it", Leon warned.

Crossing her arms, she huffed. "If you're so worried about it then why don't we just tail them?"

Leon massaged his temples while Roxas shut his phone then stepped over to glance out the curtains. The world outside was such a glaring white it hurt his eyes so he had to look away. It was quiet. Too quiet. The sense of trepidation that had plagued Roxas since he agreed to let Axel meet Xion grew heavier.

He reached for his keys and drew a deep breath. "Okay", he said. _Please Axel. Don't betray me. _

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Leon and Roxas milled around, talking normally as if there wasn't an obnoxious girl sniffing around by their shoes. Seriously…she was on all fours with her face in the snow.

Some people were polite enough to pretend not to notice but others couldn't help but let their gazes linger.

Unable to take it anymore, Leon plucked her up by the scruff of her jacket. "Just what do you think you're doing, little girl?"

She swatted and hissed at him. "Well if you would get off my case _Squall _I was tracking. But I lost the scent. Now put me down!"

His jaw ticked and he dropped her. She landed with a solid thump then got to her feet again to kick him in the ankle. He sidestepped her and grinned, taunting her.

"What was that", she shrieked. "That hurt you bastard!"

"Yuffie lower your voice", Roxas hissed nervously.

"Well _excuse_ me", Leon laughed. "I thought you told me to put you down."

"I said put me down, not drop me!"

"Then you must have meant the other kind. I've heard of men being dogs and I've even shagged a few, but this is really too silly, even for you. There, better?"

She squealed in outrage and tackled him with everything she had. He caught her and held her up in the air with a bored expression while she thrashed and kicked and screamed like a two year old.

"Don't call me a dog, you S&M freak show!"

"Then don't act like one. And I'm not into S&M!"

"Liar! Liar, liar, liar, liiiiar!"

Chancing it, Roxas raised his hand. "Uh guys, can we not look like we're in the middle of a kidnapping please? We're supposed to keep a low profile remember? If Axel finds out I'm trying to follow him, I'm in deep shit."

Leon let Yuffie down and she immediately racked him once her feet were safely on the ground again. He groaned and sank a little, cupping himself with a purple-faced glower that promised revenge.

Yuffie dusted herself off then patted Roxas on the shoulder with a pitying smile. "Don't worry your cute little butt. Kisaragi is on the case!"She dropped down on all fours again and began crawling off in some direction.

Leon slung an arm over Roxas's shoulder once he recovered and the three of them took to the trail again. After a few blocks Leon had to pause and palmed his sore crotch gently. "Fucking hell girl, watch the jewels next time."

She shot a smirk over her shoulder then perked up suddenly, body stiff in a very pointer dog-like gesture. "I've got it!"

"Okay", Leon grumbled. "Now get off your knees please. It's gross. Want a Scooby snack for all your trouble?"

Ignoring them, Roxas glanced around hopefully for a sign of his redhead. Traffic. Lots of people. Random pigeon…. and there was Axel walking next to a very enamored looking Xion.

Axel was coming straight at them!

Roxas grabbed his two cohorts and yanked them behind some bushes as the twosome sauntered by.

"What's the big deal", Roxas heard Xion say. "He's not even here right now. If you were my boyfriend I'd never let you out of my sight."

"I don't care", Axel muttered. He looked a little uncomfortable as he shrugged Xion's arm from around his. "I just promised him okay?"

Xion reached for him again and tried to cling to him but Axel extricated himself again. "Xi, what are you doing? This was just supposed to be for coffee remember?"

"But Axieee", the feminine boy whined, "It's been so long."

Axel pursed his lips, finally yielding. Xion hugged his elbow with a happy little hum and they continued on their way.

"Are we almost there?"

"Almost", Xion laughed. "Hurry, hurry!"

Roxas growled, started to get up and go after them but Leon and Yuffie dragged him back down.

"That no good hussy! Axel, I won't forg—" Leon's hand clapped itself over Roxas's mouth and all three of them tensed, waiting as Axel turned back with a quirked brow. "Did you hear something just now?"

Xion shook his head and tugged Axel's arm so they'd get moving. "We've got to hurry. Come on."

Axel pinned him with a look. "What's the rush?"

Xion dimpled at him. "Just _come on_".

Roxas struggled out of his companions' arms just enough to peek over the bushes. Xion turned back and curled his lip, meeting Roxas's stare with a gloating smile. He hugged Axel's arm closer then walked ahead without looking back again.

Jaw dropping, Roxas's strength got sapped in a single crushing _whoosh_. "I don't believe it." That little… he knew Roxas would follow. He'd been counting on it!

And Roxas played right into his hands because he wasn't strong enough, because he was scum and couldn't keep faith in Axel like he'd been asked. When Xion and Axel were finally out of sight, Roxas and his friends climbed stiffly out of the bushes.

"Damn, that's not right."

Yuffie elbowed Leon in the chest.

Roxas sighed and turned to go home but Leon and Yuffie glommed each of his arms.

"Aren't you going after them", Yuffie asked, her brows scrunched with genuine concern.

He looked at her and smiled. It didn't reach his eyes. "It's okay. What happens will happen right? It's not my place to interfere."

Her face fell. "Well", she tried. "Look on the bright side, it's not like they were making out or anything."

A bolt of nausea made Roxas's stomach squirm. He flinched and she bit her lip.

Leon snorted. "The hell it isn't your place. If I were you, I wouldn't just let my boyfriend waltz into the arms of some other guy like that. I can see that little punk is scheming something."

Roxas drooped. "So what am I supposed to do? I told Axel I trusted him and yet here I am tracking his ass down like some jealous idiot."

"One: I'm actually doing the tracking", Yuffie said. "Two: You _are_ some jealous idiot. And three? Well three is simply this, buster: foundations in a building are just that. Foundations. They are a place to start but they are far from the end of the completed picture. " She grabbed the sides of Roxas's face as he tried to turn away.

"What does my relationship have to do with architecture", he muttered. "You're being stupid Yuff."

"Shut up and listen to me. Nobody sees the pillars that hold up the building underground, but they do see the upper levels. That's exactly like you guys. Xion was his past, yes. And granted it helped to make him strong by the sounds of it. He's built on that though. With_ you._ You are the top levels now. You are what's in his sight."

Leon and Roxas took a moment to gape at the tiny girl beside them. In a Yuffie kind of way, it made perfect sense. She was being oddly wise for a change.

Roxas shrugged. He still didn't want to see this through. Trying to release himself from their grip, he yelped when he was held fast. "Come on guys. Let go."

Their eyes locked over his head and they nodded at one another before hoisting Roxas up so his legs were left to dangle hopelessly over the scraped sidewalk.

"Hey! Hey! Seriously, let me down. This isn't funny!"

"You're right", Leon agreed. "It looks ridiculous but you've forced our hand. This is for your own good."

Roxas shot him a gimlet stare while he chewed innocently on the butt of his unlit cigarette.

"Yeah, you're coming with us Mr. Meguriaukagi." Yuffie shrugged to get a better grip on his arm. "Whether you like it or not", she grunted as he thrashed again.

With that they were on their way.

Roxas sputtered and hollered for help, but everyone they passed just gave them a wide berth. They rounded the corner and let him down, dusting him off playfully.

"Now that wasn't so bad was it?" Yuffie wiggled her eyebrows then pointed. "Look, there they are."

Axel and Xion were in the midst of crossing the street when Axel looked back as he heard Roxas shout with frustration.

He should've done better, should've noticed. Instead of calling Axel's name in his last moments of consciousness Roxas was too busy snarling at his friends. He should've done better…

They all caught sight of the car barreling towards Axel. Too late to move. Too late to cry out.

Bad things happen so slowly. It's like the event itself is taunting you and daring you to try and change the unchangeable.

Flashes of blue. Flashes of red on red. Then red on white. The car peeled out and sped away.

Roxas just stood there.

When asked later to recall what happened, he'd wrack his brains trying to wade through the shock and static images. He didn't see it.

He felt the impact in his bones. Smelled Axel's hot blood that melted everything around him as he flew through the air and landed in a nearby snowdrift.

Roxas heard the deafening screech of failed brakes that ran over more than his lover's body. It crushed the very heart in his chest. Roxas would hear that sound for the rest of his life in his nightmares. It would only be in snatches though, like bad dubbing, or skinny jeans, or internet lag.

Roxas shut down.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Who called out first? All Roxas knew was that when it should have been him, it wasn't. He froze, utterly helpless in the face of this waking nightmare.

Leon had to tell him later how Axel shoved Xion out of the way just in time. Axel didn't get up.

A wounded noise gurgled deep in Roxas's throat as he tried to take a step forward but lurched.

A line of blood dribbled down Axel's pale chin, the red of his hair nothing but a blurring obscenity as it mixed with the dark slurry of snow under him. His eyes weren't opening. Why weren't they opening?!

'_Open your eyes. Please, pop off with some smart ass comment like you always do. Don't do this to me again! Oh God please, don't take him from me too…' _

Axel looked too small to have made the metal bend to such a degree on the mangled car. They all watched it drive away but the glass was too tinted to see a driver.

Xion stood in a stupor for a mere instant before shrieking and running to Axel's side. It should've been Roxas.

He cradled Axel like a lover in his trembling arms and cursed at the undamaged driver, even as the car disappeared in the flurry of traffic. He cursed at Axel and squeezed him tighter to make him wake up.

'_No', _Roxas cried inside._ 'You can't call his name. Stop it. Stop it! Don't say his name. Don't touch him. I won't let you!'_

But Roxas couldn't move, though he so desperately tried. His body was the prison it always turned into whenever something bad happened. No matter how much progress he'd made, no matter how he could defend himself…this was just too much.

Roxas felt pressure on his arms as someone shrugged past him while another dragged him back, away from the damage.

A blur of brown hair, cigarette smoke, and leather.

Leon?

He grabbed Xion by the scruff of his neck and tossed him away from Axel's limp form. He bent down and shouted commands as he hovered over Axel's body. "Somebody call the police. I need an ambulance here. Come on people, move!"

Roxas's eyes dragged in a slow circle around him. It seemed he wasn't the only one stunned motionless. Passerbys stood murmuring close by, brows furrowed, some with hands covering their mouths or shaking their heads. But none moved to help.

"What do you think you're doing?!", Xion hissed.

"Fuck you", Leon snarled with so much venom he made Xion take a step back. "His head needs to be elevated or he'll drown in his own blood. I need a rag to staunch this so if you're not going to help then back off and let me work or I'll hurt you too." He shrugged his jacket off and began tearing strips from his shirt.

Xion stepped away and remained contrite for merely a moment before catching sight of Roxas. With eyes flashing he stormed up and pinned Roxas with the crippling accusation. "If you hadn't come he'd still be with me! He wouldn't be hurt! Are you happy Roxas?! This is all your fault!"

_All your fault… fault… fault… _

Roxas stared woodenly ahead, hating himself in that moment more than anybody else could. It was true. He should've stayed home, should've trusted Axel but he hadn't and now…

Yuffie came out of nowhere and laid a solid right hook into Xion's cheek. He stumbled back and flumped into the snow. Cupping his face, he sputtered up at her, "What the hell do you think you're doing, you maniac?!"

"Just who the hell do you think you are, you pansy! You're the man stealer here. Any of us would've done the same thing as Roxas. You backstabbing, sniveling, pathetic excuse for a man!"

"He used to be a girl", Roxas mumbled. His own cheek suddenly erupted in a sharp sting and the pain was enough of an anchor to bring him back to his sordid reality.

Roxas looked up at Yuffie, flushing and huffing. He was lost.

She shook her head and pressed her phone into his hand. "If you're able to talk now make yourself useful and call an ambulance."

Roxas nodded and did so, amazed at how calm he sounded.

But things only last for so long. He snapped the phone shut after giving their cross streets and flinched as he heard the piercing sirens stab at the air with their morbid message.

"_**They're coming to take him away tee hee. They're coming to take him away ha ha… hee hee ho ho…"**_

Yuffie wrapped gentle fingers around Roxas's elbow and tried to lead him away but he dug his heels in and clung to the spot.

"We need to go. It'll just hurt you more to be here…"

"I can't leave him", Roxas gasped, his voice broken. He shrugged her grip off and ran past her and Xion, frantically clawing his way through the snow. Axel looked so tired. So very cold.

'_Please, you can't leave me!'_

Roxas's entire body vibrated with the force of his internal command. No, it wasn't a command…it was a desperate plea. He already felt alone, and Axel just laid there like the calloused dead, refusing to open his arms and wrap Roxas in their safety.

Pulling aside the last bit of ice impeding his path, Roxas threw himself over Axel's body and clung to his blood soaked chest, letting his sobs clench at every muscle in his body as they obliterated all rationality.

He didn't care that he must've looked like a complete and utter wreck. He didn't care that his coat suddenly felt too small, that it was filthy, that his head spun. He didn't even care that the useless onlookers milled around at their backs to gawk at the gruesome scene.

Roxas just looked up at Axel's face through blurry, burning eyes and felt them try to close again as a new wave of choking tears engulfed him. He whimpered and shook his head, grabbing Axel's coat to shake him. "Don-don't do this to me, damn you!"

Roxas wouldn't let his eyes close, wouldn't let Axel out of his sight again If he just kept Axel close, he'd be okay. If he could just…

"Listen to me", he wailed. "Wake up! I can't lose you too… anybody but you! You said you'd stay with me so open your eyes, you idiot! Please baby, open your…"

Large hands surrounded Roxas and dislodged his numb fingers. "No", he moaned. "Don't take him away from me."

Leon bent down and whispered in his ear, "You need to stop shaking him. Move away now so the EMT's can do their jobs."

"No… no, no, no…", Roxas sobbed.

This wasn't the way things were supposed to turn out.

"No! He's…!"

"Roxas. Come. On."

Leon's stern tone made him flinch. He looked over his shoulder at Axel for a moment and reached forward to pluck a fresh snowflake off his skin. It should have melted. But it remained a study of unique perfection against his pale face until Roxas touched it. He was always so warm, and yet now…

He didn't have enough in his whole body to melt one stupid snowflake.

Roxas wished he was that snowflake.

Leon dragged him back and wrapped his arms around the blond's trembling body.

It hurt. It ached. He wanted to scream until his throat was bloody and raw at the unfairness of it all. Yuffie joined the hug and they both surrounded him, trying to sheild him from the sight of the paramedics peeling Axel from the snowdrift.

'_Your fault, your fault, your fault…'_

"…here who's family? Speak now. We need to go."

Yuffie pinched Roxas's side.

He looked over. "What?"

"He just asked if anyone here was close family or a friend. Go Roxas!"

Roxas snapped his head forward and was about to open his mouth when another voice rang clearly in the fragile stillness.

"I'm his boyfriend."

A blur of raven hair rushed past them and the EMT reached down to hoist Xion into the ambulance.

"Wait! I—"

The door slammed and the ambulance sped off to try and save Axel's life.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas and his friends burst into the ICU ward much to the chagrin of all the stuff present. Frantic, Roxas's eyes flicked from the lobby, to a stupid fish tank parked in the corner with fake fish bobbing around, to the double doors against the far wall with a lit sign overhead that read "In-surgery". Right under that sign was Xion, leaning against the wall with a pale face, arms crossed over his tense body.

Luckily, Roxas saw him first. He lunged before Leon could catch him.

Both boys fell in a heap and regained their feet as they grappled and snarled at each other. Neither saw the sign's light flick off, or the haggard doctor who exited the double doors as he wiped his hands. The doctor paused with a frown, Roxas sparking a hint of recognition in him. As he continued to survey the scene Xion let out a frustrated shriek that made them all cringe.

The doctor stormed over and snapped, "Knock it off", as he pulled them apart and held them by the scruffs of their shirts. "Realize where you are. This is a hospital dammit, not an MMA cage."

Xion and Roxas sagged petulantly in the larger man's grip. Leon started toward them but Yuffie held him back and shook her head.

Again, Roxas beat Xion to the punch as he recovered first and asked, "How is Axel? Is he ok?"

Letting them go, the doctor sobered, his mouth pulling at the corners in a grim frown. "Stable. He'll make it but he hasn't regained consciousness yet. There was some brain damage so there's no way to tell how long his coma will last."

Roxas's heart sank and Xion looked equally horrified as the doctor went on.

"Could be a couple hours or couple weeks. At which time, I'll discuss further options with his guardian. Never the less, he's very lucky to be alive."

Both boys tensed but the doctor didn't notice.

A muscle worked in Xion's jaw as he said, "When can I see him?"

Roxas threw him a glare but before they could fly at each other again the doctor answered, "I'm afraid only his immediate family has access for now." He looked between the two boys, one despondent and the other oddly determined. "You two should go home and get some rest."

Xion shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled away. Roxas watched him go, wanting to rip him to pieces. His heart was sick of fighting but he dared not lay down his arms. This was far from over.

Ignoring the doctor's advice, him, Leon and Yuffie collapsed into the lumpy waiting room chairs.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

For the second time in Roxas's life, time ceased to matter. He didn't know how long they spent at the hospital. All he was aware of was sitting in the lobby with some infomercial on the t.v. as they all thawed out over styrofoam cups of watery hot cocoa.

Leon and Yuffie both bashed on Xion to clash with Roxas's silence and the hospital's sedated atmosphere.

Roxas sipped dourly at his weak concoction, wishing for Axel's brew. His arms. Him. Period.

"**You don't always get what you want. You don't always get what you want. You don't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need…"**

He rummaged around in his pocket for the iPod and when he finally caught hold of it, he pulled it out slowly. They were still talking. Talking so loudly. Roxas wanted them to shut up already.

Roxas wanted this whole world to shut up, to not leave him and Axel behind. He stared at the scuffed silver rectangle with a blank expression and gripped it firmly in hand. It started to shake. He tried to stop it. It only trembled harder.

With fury. With grief. With debilitating frustration.

The earbud was only whisper next to Roxas's blaring thoughts. And yet as always it mirrored them perfectly. Mood music…

It wouldn't shut up either.

"_**I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind…I seen nights full of pain, days of the same…"**_

'_No please, no more.'_

"_**I know what they don't wanna tell you, Just hope you're heaven-sent, and you're hell-proof. I-I walk up in the world, and cut the lights off. And confidence is the stain they can't wipe off..."**_

Roxas bent forward with his hands clasped around his crucifier as he gritted his teeth. The room spun mercilessly.

He couldn't take it.

"Roxas?"

A hand on his back. Different fingers in his hair.

_No, don't touch me. Not there, not where he…_

"_**So I pick the world up and I'ma drop it on your fucking head! Bitch, I'ma pick the world up and I'ma drop it on your fucking head. And I could die now, rebirth mother…"**_

Roxas stood up and raised the iPod as far as he could before hurling it to the ground with a guttural roar. In the aftershock it shattered to pieces. He dropped to his knees and grabbed fistfuls of his hair. But his voice was stuck. His chest swelled with it, about to burst.

The world was even robbing him of his right to scream.

Leon and Yuffie sat back, stunned. They both knew the iPod was his most prized possession.

Roxas stood up suddenly.

He ran and ran until he was out of the building. Roxas wasn't sure how he got past Yuffie and Leon. He didn't much care either. He needed air, needed to escape.

Maybe if he got far away enough he could forget the guilt. Forget the truth.

The frozen air stabbed Roxas's lungs and exploded like glass in his chest. It stripped the muscles from his ribs that he used to breathe. The strain threatened to buckle his legs. And yet all of it couldn't compare to the agony in his heart.

A hand reached out dragged him into the swirling shadows.

_Let them come. _

The trio came closer, Marluxia strutting ahead of the other two as always without a single follicle out of place.

_Here we go again._

Marluxia sneered as Saix and Zexion curled their lips behind him. Wait…if they weren't the ones holding Roxas then who…?

Blue eyes darkened as they roamed lazily over Xigbar's scarred face. His gang still carried signs of Axel's fury but most of them had healed, good as new.

Xigbar's grin was wide and ugly. He punched the wall next to the blond's head.

Roxas surprised them all by belting out a harsh laugh. "Doesn't it ever get old", he snarled, twisting away from Xigbar's hold to grab at his head as the song continued even without the music.

"_**It hurts, but I never show this pain. You'll never know…if only you could see just how lonely and how cold…"**_

Xigbar eyed Roxas furiously. "You're unhinged, fag. Don't screw with me."

Roxas pushed himself away from the wall and reached up to chuck Xigbar under the chin. Dumbfounded, he couldn't stop the blond as he stepped away and headed toward Marluxia.

Arms shot out to hold him, force his body into submission. Roxas snapped out of his daze when it felt like a sledge hammer rammed against the back of his neck.

"_**And frostbit I've become."**_

Roxas's stomach scraped up against rough brick as shadowy fists came at him from all directions.

"_**When push comes to shove…" **_

Roxas bellowed, whirling around and blocking most of their blows. They broke out chains and bats and pipes but Roxas was a man possessed. He snagged a lead pipe from the one closest to him and began to fight in earnest. "Swing batter, _swing_", he shrieked, voice dripping with hysteria.

To Marluxia's horror Roxas straightened his back and dropped the pipe with a metalic clang. "Come on", he taunted Xigbar. "Gimme some right here", he tapped his chin. Xigbar snarled and plowed into him like a Kodiak. "You wanna play, fucker? Let's play."

They circled each other and exchanged blows, pants like smoke rising in the chilly air. One of Roxas's eyes began to close from the bruise that'd be there in the morning. His lips was split. A few of his ribs were broken but he felt none of it.

"_**I just stand up and scream…."**_

"Fuck all of you!"

Marluxia's trio and Xigbar paused long enough for Roxas to dash past them. His mind wailed. His body begged for mercy.

Roxas pumped his legs until the lights blurred together in his peripherals. He ran until his body collapsed. And still, it was silent. Still it was snowing and empty and white.

Suddenly, Roxas things clicked into place as he skidded to a stop, leaving long, ugly tracks in the churning slush.

_"Immediate family..."_

Roxas took quick stock of the streets then changed course, his eyes clear. This was a long time coming.

_**AAAAAAAAAH! I hate myself. Axel you punk! Haven't you heard of looking both ways before you cross the street!? Chapter all changed around to my liking. Will comb for typos later. Meh. **_

_**You gaiz. I had the worst day today Q.Q I witnessed a cat get run down. She was the sweetest little thing, named Pepper and every morning as I was walking my dog she'd hop down from her fence and come say hi. **_

_**I wouldn't be so mad and hurt right now if the fucker had just stopped and acknowledged what he'd done. He just….ugh. Peeled out and didn't look back. It was the worst. He fucking cut her in half and she was still alive for a few minutes. I'm still blubbering like an idiot. **_

_**Can you believe that shit?I had to knock on the owner's door and help scrape her off the road. It's all taken care of now but god damn. **_

_**BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN YOU DRIVE. LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING LEST AXEL'S AND KITTIES GET HURT!**_

_**I don't even care if you review this chapter I feel so sick. But, I hope you enjoyed it for what it's worth .**_


	22. Chapter 20: Shakespeare's Curses

**Sooo….for like the past week I've had this vision in my head of Draco Malfoy singing Love Games by Lady Gaga. Heh…am I bad person? Warning: Largely unedited. - 3 - Sorry, I'll go through it later.**

**Chapter 20:**_** Shakespeare's Curses**_

_**February 2, 2013**_

"God dammit Roxas! Do you ever stop to consider someone besides yourself once in a while?! Oh, ok, you're in pain...well, guess what! You're not the only one, okay? What makes you so special? What makes you think that you can tromp all over others just because you feel the universe has wronged you? Huh? Answer me, you fucking egotist!"

Axel tensed and took up station in front of Roxas who slumped against the wall, a dark, sullen aura draped around him.

Leon bristled, a deep growl rumbling in his chest. Yuffie, Demyx, Sora, Riku, and Rosa looked on from the sidelines, their faces drawn and pale from the exchange that had been, for the most part, one sided.

"You think I don't know", Roxas whispered suddenly. "I already said I was sorry Lee."

That gave the older man pause. He lost it whenever it came to Tidus. They got together in a weird way years ago, being other people's leftovers. It was that tossed aside feeling that had first united them. Because Tidus didn't have a stable income, a lot of people looked down on him for it, as if that made him less of a person.

But Leon knew better. Tidus was noble in his poverty, choosing not to be tied down by things and people of the more material nature. And that was just fine. He was one who pursued his passion, he'd surf the day away if it were up to him, stay as an island adrift if not for Leon.

Tidus had no more family, he'd lost them all in a rather tragic accident back in high school, right around the time he'd met Roxas. On the day it happened, he'd been sick and so chose to stay behind at his parent's behest while they and his little sister went for a drive. It was a drunk driver, that was what the final report said. And he's narrowly avoided that same fate.

Now his only family were those they both called friends. But it wasn't enough to tie him down if he wasn't given a reason to stay. Leon kept an eye on him, fierce in his protection. He had an irksome affinity for blonds after all.

Leon scrubbed the fingers of one hand through his hair, tugging at the ends of the strands. "Does he have a place to come back to Roxas? Really, do I?"

Roxas bowed his head, eyes dark with emotion.

"Oh, choke and die already", Axel snarled.

"Don't you start", Leon shot back. "This is just as much your fault as his. I know why Roxas gets this way. And I know why you run when he does."

Axel went pale, looked over his shoulder and reached a hand back. Roxas took it and squeezed.

Leon watched them both. These two could be so damn troublesome when they got into it, dragging everyone else along for the ride.

"Bring him back...please", Roxas rasped, his eyes squeezing shut. "And tell him I'm sorry."

Leon brushed by, feeling Axel stiffen when he reached out and ruffled Roxas's hair.

"You can tell him yourself", he muttered. After snatching his coat from the waiting butler, Leon shoved a cigarette into his mouth and lit up as he headed out into the night.

Tidus had been missing for a week already, though he found out just tonight, having arrived to a home too quiet. He hoped it wasn't too late.

Back in the house Roxas drifted from his friends and holed himself up in his study. He flopped into his chair and set numb fingers on his keyboard:

_What could be worse than a dead mother, a half dead boyfriend, and a psychotic miss man?_

_Two things: a notice that I was failing my Shakespeare unit, and said professor of said unit cheating on my self-proclaimed leather clad best bud with his own other half. _

_Fuck?_

_Yes._

_Are we still in Tokyo Toto?_

_Dog, gtfo_.

Roxas laid his head down and sighed.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

_**December 7th, 2007; Time: unknown **_

Roxas rapped on the door with numb knuckles. He knew what to expect this time but even so, he wasn't scared. Wasn't even nervous.

When Axel's father answered, appearing the same as before with yellow skin and bagging sweat pants, Roxas didn't know why it startled him. This man was trapped in a rut. How had he ever tried to label himself a father?

Roxas pushed his way inside.

Axel's father stumbled back, reeking of booze and regret. "The fuck you think you're doing, brat?", he slurred. He stopped, blinking slowly and squinting at Roxas in the light spilling from the open door. "Waitaminute, I know you..."

Roxas kicked the door shut behind him. "Good." He smiled grimly and flicked out his knife, resolve hardening like steel in his heart. "Because you're going to do something for me, old man."

"The fuck you get off, you little fag—"

"_Shut up _and listen, dammit. Now", he back Axel's father into the wall. The man began to tremble so violently that he dropped his bottle. The plastic clattered and glugged a sad puddle of putrid clear liquid. Roxas kicked it out of the way and stepped closer. "You're going to gather the few brain cells you haven't yet drowned in this poison and you're going to write me a note." Roxas jabbed the blade against the man's throat, seeing flashes of all the bruises and cuts he'd left on his son's body. Roxas's knife trembled as he hissed, "In this note, you will grant me express permission to stay by your son's side in the hospital. He's been hit by a car."

The man sobered, anger glinting bright behind his jaundiced glare. For a moment he had the nerve to look relieved as he sneered, "And why would I do that?"

Roxas dropped the man to his knees in a move Axel had spent weeks teaching him. He fisted the man's hair and pressed the blade so hard against his bobbing throat, a thin line of blood trickled down.

Fear, genuine and all too satisfying, showed for the first time on the man's face.

Roxas's voice lowered to a growl, "You're going to do this because you're his father, you're going to do this because he's your son, yet I'm doing what you never did, I'm giving him a safe, _warm, _home. And you're going to do this, you son of a bitch", Roxas jerked the man's thinning hair until he gurgled a scream as he continued, "because I love your son, and love is a dangerous thing when threatened Mr. Katoku."

He shoved the man down till his face was in the puddle of vodka and rubbed him in it. "This", he hissed, "You hurt him so much because you were too busy with this."

When he allowed Axel's father to stand, the man was winded by his own wretched sobs. Expression frigid, Roxas shoved a pen and paper into his hand and the pen shook as he scratched out a quick note. Roxas watched like a hawk as he added his signature.

"Again", Roxas snapped, tearing the page off the pad and crumpling it. "And make it sound like you care this time." He threw the paper ball in the man's face.

Axel's father shot him a glare but Roxas held the blade up to his ear. "Be glad you were granted with a spare Mr. Katoku. You'll need it if you don't cooperate."

Axel's father hastened to write another note and signed this one as well. Roxas read it over and, satisfied, pocketed the paper carefully and twirled his knife, returning the man's cold glare with one of his own.

"You'll never understand", the man snarled.

Roxas nodded. "You're right. I won't, nor will I ever try. Cruelty of your caliber makes me sick."

"Get out of my house." There was no venom in his voice.

Roxas walked right up to him, crowded his space and all the humanity slid right out of him as he murmured, "If I ever catch another bruise on him, if he so much as wastes one more _tear_ on you, I'm coming back here. And you won't live long enough to scream about it."

The scariest part was that Roxas was fully capable of taking this man's life without care for the consequences, and they both knew it. _  
><em>

Axel's father slid down the wall, pale as a ghost in the snow.

Roxas slammed the door on his way out.

He ran all the way back to the hospital and after an agonizing forty-five minutes of the receptionist fussing over the note, the doctor cross-checking records to make sure it's signature was legit, and pulling Yuffie off the man after she tried to beat him up for being so difficult, Roxas was finally admitted to Axel's room. He trembled from his adrenaline crash as he looked Axel over.

The redhead was unrecognizable under all the wires and tubes connected to every available bit of flesh. He was too small, too calm as his chest rose and fell in a measured rhythm too slow to be sleep.

The quiet beep if the heart monitor accentuated each of Roxas's own heart beats.

In the desolate privacy of Axel's room, Roxas collapsed in the chair at his bedside and gave into a steady flow of quiet, relieved sobs while he reached for Axel's cold hand.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Four days in, Leon dragged Roxas out of Axel's room and followed Roxas's example. The doctor appeared skeptical at first as Leon, Yuffie, and Demyx (who was Axel's best friend when Riku wasn't around, and Riku tended not to be around a lot since there was a Sora to bone) were granted access but didn't question it for fear that the tiny rabid girl would get sicked on him again.

Yuffie made sure he got to school then went back to the hospital so Leon could get ready for work.

On the fifth morning, he slogged through the school's doors and shook snowflakes from his shoulders. The proof might have been in the pudding but true divinity was in autopilot. At least it had been after the whole "Axel Circumstance".

Leon said Roxas was bottling, even growled at him for it, but Roxas refused to listen. A dog could only get kicked so many times before turning feral.

Who was Leon to talk anyways? He had hair like a girl, fussed with it just as much, and wore a 'kiss the cook' apron with a straight face. Roxas scowled.

"Pick a direction to spike your hair in, or at least spike it all", Leon would say say. Fussy bitch.

Roxas shook his head. His feeble attempts at distraction weren't helping. His body was a single, colossal bruise and he winced as his vertigo titled. He reached for the corner of the shoe locker, needing something to brace him. His stomach gave a mighty lurch and he slid down the wall, wrapping arms around his stomach like that could somehow keep his guts from erupting. Minimum sleep and less food had made him weak and gaunt.

It had been dam near impossible, going back to the apartment last night.

More dead than alive, somehow or another he managed to stumble through that door. Dark. Cold. Alone and hurting. He tossed his phone on the counter with his keys, ignoring his answering machine that flashed fifteen voice mails against the far wall. Probably from a frantic Cid. He locked up his home, then dragged a blanket and pillow from their room that still smelled like Axel. He wouldn't sleep in their bed...

Last night, the couch served as his chosen spot to keep vigil.

He didn't know how accustomed he'd been to having Axel around, having taken his presence for granted. It was like an ache in the chest, a kick in the throat.

It was said that one couldn't truly appreciate what they had until it was lost. He had committed hubris, being too happy...no.

Roxas growled at a few girls that passed him and offered help. He snapped at them and they scurried away.

He refused to think like this, to be this weak. This couldn't beat him.

What he needed was to regroup and sleep. And sleep, and eat bon bons, and sleep some more. Over and over he had to keep reminding himself to nut the fuck up. All he had to do was get through today, collect his work and go back to Axel's hospital room.

But all the same his hand moved of it's own volition to pick up his phone and call Leon, and put it back like he'd done so many times last night. It wouldn't do to check in. Nothing had changed.

In the end, Roxas had torn himself from the couch this morning, showered, dressed his wounds, and got to school without incident. Yuffie was quiet which was rare, until Roxas gave her a cookie because a quiet Yuffie meant things were really bad.

Humans were creatures of habit, even serendipitous ones like him. He may have felt like he should never have existed. He may have wanted to embrace that with all of his being and accept the blissful oblivion that accompanied it.

But the fact remained that he was either too stupid or too stubborn to take the easy way out and join Axel in his hospital bed. Cloudy eyes.

Roxas would congratulate Axel when he woke up. He had just earned a permanent place in the closet. File name: Axel Circumstance. Serial number: 9286-bitch. Maybe a little tear.

"Hey sock-hop, get a move on", Riku grumbled. He dusted snow off his hair and readjusted his shoulder strap as he switched out his sneakers for a worn pair wabaki.

None of Axel's friends were happy with Roxas. Xion had apparently done a lot of damage in his absence.

Roxas glared at him but got up and reached for his to do the same. He jerked back with a sudden hiss, suckled at his punctured finger.

Riku raised an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise?", he sneered.

Roxas ignored the bastard. Riku was still bitter at him for "snatching Axel" from him and their other friends. And for causing the accident. Roxas carefully reached in a second time to dump the thumbtacks piled in his wabaki into the garbage.

Riku snorted, a crooked grin settling on his lips as Roxas bent to slip his shoes off. "What is this, a fucking manga?"

Roxas grunted then shuffled past him. Cliche or not, Xion was starting to launch his offensive. Let him come. Let Marluxia, and Xigbar, and Seifer, and anyone else who wanted a fucking piece. It'd be a rough ride, but Roxas would wear anger in place of his sadness like an armor. He was pissed enough to take whatever those douche nuggets threw at him and toss it right back.

As he settled the wabaki in place and set his sneakers in their designated cubby, a keening screech shock-waved through the entryway. Roxas's head snapped up and despite the sorry shape he was in, he managed to dive out of the way just as a blur of blond and ginger tumbled together and rolled down the hall at mach speed.

"Take it back!"

"No!"

"Take it back you sorry son of a—"

The two figures came out of their roll and Roxas blinked, recognizing the one on bottom as Demyx. The larger carrot top that straddled him…? Roxas opened his mouth and held up a finger. He closed it and dropped his hand in defeat.

"No, no!" Sora ran up and threw himself at Riku. "Make em stop Ri! Demyx was just trying to help me and now he's gonna get it", Sora babbled, his distress evident as his voice cracked.

Riku set comforting hands on his shoulders, face settling into a scowl. "I'll see what I can do..."

Roxas settled against the locker again, resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be able to slip by until this little scuffle was resolved. He'd just pretend to be invisible, he didn't want to get involved. Roxas turned to Demyx and the redhead, curling his lip.

Talk about a bad hair day. Either the guy's mom didn't know how to give an even haircut, or had attempted to battle his scissors and lost. Miserably. Demyx's blatant mullet was bad enough, but this...

His fingers itched to snatch the guy by his stupid Elvis droop and right the wrong. As Roxas continued his appraisal he realized that mostly everything else was okay about the guy, in a very jock-ish-douche kinda way.

Roxas was just glad for once that they had to keep some level of conformity in the way they dressed at school. It was horrific to think how he might have dressed if left to his own devices. Roxas had enough on his plate already. He'd always been rather picky about appearances.

Demyx reclined back, giving off the distinct impression that if his hands weren't pinned to the ground he might have folded them behind his head, unconcerned that he was about to get the snot kicked out of him.

The guy had balls, Roxas'd give him that much. No wonder him and Axel were friends. Cocky bastards.

"It wasn't a rumor Wakka."

The carrot top curled his lip and gripped Demyx by his shirt, slammed him down harder. "Stop trying to change the subject you fucking dick weed. Just take it back!"

Demyx quirked an eyebrow and feigned hurt. "But I'd be honored if a hot mama like Shakira dedicated a song to me. And you're a soccer star aren't you? The biggest one at this school anyways. Have you seen the music video? It screams your name over, and over, and over, and ov—oops!"

Wakka grit his teeth and dragged Demyx to his feet before throwing him into the closest locker, which happened to be the one Roxas was using for support. Roxas made a rude noise as he moved to the next one over.

"It has nothing to do with me. And it's annoying as fuck so knock it off!"

Demyx smirked up at him and patted the other boy's knuckles like he wasn't about to get pummeled into the dirt. "Whatever you say. Now would you let me go please?"

Wakka stepped back. Roxas winced as Demyx pulled a bullhorn out of nowhere and shouted, "Waka Waka eh eh!"

He ducked under Wakka's fist and sprinted down the hall, snickering like a lunatic until he crashed into something. A few gasps and jostles later, Principal Maleficent stepped forward with Demyx's ear caught in her claws.

Wakka, Roxas, and everyone else in the near vicinity stiffened and held a collective breath.

She turned on them with a growl. Roxas felt Riku stiffen next to him as Sora hid his face and whimpered.

No wonder, Roxas thought, amused. It looked like…smoke... or something was coming out of her nose. Roxas made a mental note to check the expiration date next time he tried to drown himself in bon-bons.

"_Well_", Maleficent snarled. "This is the reason our school has the lowest ranking test scores in the district! Get to class, all of you."

Poor Demyx was strung helplessly along as she flailed at them to emphasize her discontent. Demyx winced and opened his mouth in a silent scream, cupping her hand with his own to try and buffer some of the pressure on his ear.

Roxas bit his lip, praying it would stay attached to the poor guy's head. Nobody but Roxas noticed a blonde who bore a resemblance to Demyx as she snuck up behind Wakka.

The carrot-top in question hunched his shoulders, tried to make himself conspicuous as he padded from the scene but the blonde snagged his wrist and flipped him over her back.

"Where do you think you're going Nakai?"

"Larx!", Demyx yelped.

"Larxene", Maleficent snapped. "Be more gentle."

Larxene snorted. "As if. No one picks on my cousin."

"Do not abuse the power I've given you." The principal fixed her with a look so the girl grumbled and hauled a groaning Wakka to his feet.

Demyx gave Larxene a thumbs up behind Maleficent's back. His cousin smirked back at him then restrained Wakka and began marching him down the hall toward the office.

"Do your antics never cease", the principal muttered, giving Demyx's ear another yank.

"U-uh ma'am, it's all my fault", Sora fumbled as he shuffled forward with shaking knees. "Demyx was only trying to help me."

Her thin eyebrows rose, stern expression softening as she pushed up her glasses. "Is that so? Well, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to come with me, dear. Let's get this straightened out."

He nodded, relieved at her mercy. Everyone had a soft spot for Sora.

"And you!" She directed her attention back on Demyx and snatched the contraband from him. "Where did you get this bullhorn? Stealing from the utility shed _again, _Mr. Shirabe_?_ Come along then."

"As if we have a choice", Demyx mumbled.

"What was that?"

He winced. "Nothing ma'am. Nothing at all."

Roxas surprised himself by laughing as he shouldered his bag and broke off from the group. They drifted out of earshot but left him in good spirits. Yes, this too would pass. All he had to do was get through the today and it would be vacation time to cram up for exams. He could catch up on his work undisturbed. Hospitals were great places to study. Not.

Roxas wondered what kind of sadistic fuck deemed cram week a vacation anyway.

It was easier to ignore lost time now, mainly because there was no one to hold his hand and drag him back into reality. He ignored all the calls from Cid and some unknown number that kept lighting up his cell.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas pulled up short, his path once again blocked by Sora and part of his company. Him and Riku stood in front of the English class so he hung back, preferring to avoid any further drama. His eyes narrowed as he looked through the open door, past the brunet bouncing and whining at Riku.

Xion flitted around inside the classroom as if he had just won the lottery. He might look all innocent but Roxas knew the little butt monkey was waiting for him.

Not too privy about the idea, Roxas turned away and crossed his arms. He suddenly felt queasy and trapped. Maybe coming to school again hadn't been such a good idea after all. He'd been pushing himself for a few days already and deserved a break, didn't he?

The stupid couple got louder.

"But I don't want you to leave me behind!"

Riku looked pained as he gently extricated himself from Sora's death grip. "I know babe, but bear with it."

"B-but why can't you just keep helping me in our class? I don't want to be in this one! I don't!" He stamped his foot.

Riku winced, then pulled the younger boy into a hug. "I can't keep doing all your work for you. You aren't learning anything."

"I am too!"

"What then?"

"…well…"

"Who wrote _To Kill a Mockingbird_?"

"…."

"_Moby dick_?" Riku prompted.

Sora snickered.

Riku sighed and traced little circles against his companion's back. "These are all standard things you should know by now. You haven't covered the section on the Shinsengumi, much less written your report on Hajime Saito. You can't recite the names of our shoguns—"

"Hey that's not English! That's history!"

" Good, then you _are_ paying attention. But the fact remains that you're falling behind and your test scores are suffering for it."

Sora wilted, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears of distress. "I get it", he muttered, voice hoarse.

"If you can raise your grades by yourself without my help after break, and before the semester ends, I'll see what I can negotiate with Professor Fair, okay?"

Sora sniffed dramatically and nodded. Riku knocked their heads lightly together and placed a chaste kiss into Sora's hair. He was in the process of stepping back when the younger boy awoke to a revelation.

"Hey wait a minute! That only gives me three days! What the heck Riku?!"

"Work hard", Riku purred as he winked. "I'll make it worth your while."

Roxas swallowed the painful noise that bubbled in his throat. His chest gave a horrible throb and he clutched at it, willing himself to stay quiet and invisible as he curled around the tight ball of pain.

He hoped with everything in him that they wouldn't notice how dangerously close he was to coming undone.

Sora pouted more as Riku stuffed his hands in his pockets and sauntered away with a bounce in his step.

Sora stuck his tongue out at the retreating back of his lover, then turned his head and jumped when he saw Roxas. The blond was still grabbing at the raw ache but with some effort he unclenched his fingers and swabbed the sweat from his forehead.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I keep you waiting?" Sora came up but stopped short, head tilting to the side as his face pinched with concern. "Hey are you feeling alright?"

"U-uh...", Roxas swallowed then murmured a weak, "Yeah."

Sora laughed and stepped closer to pat him on the back. Roxas cringed for the first two slaps but Sora's bounciness was infectious. There was something strangely familiar about him and though it shouldn't have, it instantly put Roxas at ease.

"So it looks like we'll be classmates for a while, huh?"

Roxas nodded instead of answering. His suspicion showed on his face, waiting for Sora to attack him like all the others had for Axel's accident.

The grip on his shoulder constricted a little as Sora's pout bloomed full force again. "Don't worry. I don't blame you for what happened. It's not like you were behind the wheel."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "You're more forgiving then your boyfriend."

"Oh, that stupid Riku. He'll be sorry! Three days... You'll see. He'll see! Show him…thinks I'm dumb…no shnookums…"

Sora's mumbles trailed off about something Roxas didn't want to pursue. Especially since he caught phrases like cactus catheters and… no, no it's too scary.

"Hey Xi! It's good to see you! How was your weekend", Sora said suddenly.

Roxas swallowed as Xion turned and dazzled them both with a smile. It fell a little when he caught Roxas glaring back but not enough for anyone else to notice.

"Oh, it was the most fun I've had in a _long_ time…" He dragged the word out while his eyes swam with barely repressed mirth.

Roxas turned away and took his seat. Why the hell was he so happy?

"Hey, you haven't met…uhm…hey! Where'd you go?" Sora bounced over and shook his arm. Roxas dropped his head against the smooth, cool wood of his desk, seeking an escape from his surroundings but Sora wasn't having it. He pushed the blond's head over with his butt then ran his fingers through Roxas's hair.

"Get off my desk Sora."

"But you haven't met—"

"Yes I have. Now I'm tired. Please get off?"

Sora's smile fell and he scooted himself off to take the seat in front of his new friend. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

Roxas dragged his eyes up to lock with Sora's. He set his lips into a thin line before jerking his head in a nod. Sora's face puckered with skepticism but in the end he shrugged and started gabbing about something else.

Reclining back, Roxas mused. Despite the pitch of Sora's voice and the fact that a breath of air was a rarity in him, it was nice to have conflicting noise to clash with his thoughts. Sora's disposition purified the air around him, dispelling any ill will with an ease that made Roxas quietly grateful. He missed his iPod though and idly wondered if he tweaked Sora's nose...would it put him on shuffle?

"So uhm…what was your name again?"

Sora yanked him from his train of thought.

Roxas quipped, "Bad with names?" He smirked as Sora's ears turned pink.

"No! ...yes. I'm better with faces."

"I'm Roxas. Rox-as."

"Hi Rox-ass", Sora muttered sarcastically. "Now what was I saying?"

"You were pondering the complexities of naked mole rats."

"Was I really?"

Roxas tipped his head in a solemn nod."Yup. Something about them eating nachos as a fallacy."

Sora wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, I hate Kim Possible. It really doesn't make sense does it? 'Cause you know—"

And he was off again. So far so good, Roxas thought as he puffed out his cheeks. Roxas stretched back, at his ease. He ignored the longing throb in his ears. He wanted music. It would take a couple of weeks to save up for a new iPod, but he could wait.

Roxas scowled down at his chewed fingernails. Maybe he couldn't...

The classroom door snapped shut. Professor Fair strode in and grunted, "Up, you ingrates", adjusting his glasses and dropping a rather intimidating stack of papers on his desk.

With a loud scrape the students all rose to bow.

Roxas mumbled the obligatory greeting without looking at the man.

With a sweep of his hair the professor scrutinized his flock.

"Right", he said lightly. "Back on your asses then."

Some of the ballsier students chuckled. Professor Zack Fair. How would one even begin to describe this guy? Roxas rested his chin on his fist.

For starters, he had mid-length spiky black hair and bangs framing the sides of his face, one lock dangling farther down than the rest. It should've looked ridiculous but he somehow managed to pull it off. He was unusually tall, well-built, and sported his blistering blue eyes without shame.

An X-shaped scar covered one of his cheeks. Rumors circulated on how in his free time (when he wasn't ball-breaking his students) he liked to practice sword play. It was said that he got the scar from fighting his old mentor and friend.

But nobody paid much attention to the scar because it didn't make him any less attractive. It gave him more character in fact, because the wound was at odds with his flirtatiousness and energy.

In all honesty, he kind of gave Roxas the creeps. Though he seemed brutally honest and carefree in nature, something more lurked under the surface, some pain that he wouldn't let anyone touch. The only reason Roxas knew was because he shared a similar secret.

Professor Fair always wore black or blue or some mix of the two. With his strong attitude and willingness to always get to work, the student body had affectionately dubbed him "the puppy".

Roxas frowned, his own observations again clashing with public consensus. Professor Fair was more like a dog with the way he snapped up students who fell behind like they were nothing more than chunks of meat.

He pulled out a marker and started flying away on the white board with the day's assignments then turned on his class with a flourish, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Shakespeare", he cried. "How many of you have read anything by him?"

When nobody raised their hands he stood on his tiptoes and belted out an "Aha! That is where you are _wrong_! The man is everywhere!"

Everyone jolted in their seats as he pulled out a set of playbooks. Some of the students looked around as if there might be an old guy with a crusty-the-clown-hairdo on the loose. Roxas took this as his cue and sank back into autopilot, letting his tortured mind drift.

What he might have heard had be been listening was that Hamlet had something to do with Lion King. And Romeo and Juliet was its sequel. Something else about Shakespeare being the root of most dramas today. Ridiculous lango, dirty lango, pervy lango; like the bad boy of his time.

What Roxas might have believed at one time was that a man could run around in tights, have a huge doily around his neck, write with a feather, and still be considered a badass. He pictured Vincent and Axel in the ridiculous get-up and felt his head slump as he choked on his own weak laughter.

Until a sharp pain struck the back of his neck. He cursed under his breath, rubbing the tender spot as Professor Fair glowered down at him.

"Is there something you'd like to add, Meguriaukagi?"

Dumbly, Roxas shook his head.

"Then get up", Professor Fair hissed.

"Huh?"

"You're our fourth member since you were grumbling to yourself about lame fashion sense. Gift us with your talent son, go on."

Something dark flared inside him but Roxas knew this was neither the time or the place to get into it with one of his teachers. As he rose to his feet, Professor Fair handed Roxas a rolled up script and flounced into one of the unoccupied seats in the very front.

Roxas frowned as something started vibrating and lighting up in his pocket. He jumped up without missing a beat and sat on Roxas's desk in the back again, waving his hand. "Get on with it then."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Roxas wondered what it was with people and planting their asses on his desk.

Professor Fair was ambivalent, smoothing back his hair again in a tick and smiling at Roxas over his glasses in a way that made something inside him harden. An infallible sense of calm descended over Roxas as he watched the professor whip out his phone, fingers dancing over his text pad.

Something was off about that serene smile of his.

Roxas shook his head and glanced at his fellow torturees, balking when he met Demyx's grimace with one of his own.

"When did you get back", he whispered. Subtly, they stepped closer to each other.

"Don't worry", he winked. "I got Sora off clean. The beast let me go on oath that I'd clean the windows after school for a week."

Roxas blinked. "What? On the front of the school?"

Demyx grinned.

"Good going. It's practically nothing but windows."

Rolling his eyes, he mumbled, "Exactly."

"Need help?"

He snorted and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Nah."

Roxas sputtered. "You can't possibly do them all by yourself!"

"I'm not."

"Then you have help?" Roxas smirked. "That oaf got roped too, huh?"

Demyx made a face. "Nope, I'm not doing them at all. I hope Maleficent is ripping him a new one though..."

Roxas stepped back as Professor Fair commanded their attention with impatient noises. "Scene XV", he snapped. "Come on guys, pay attention. The same. A monument. Enter Cleopatra and her maids aloft, with Charmian and Iras". He was louder than he needed to be since they were just a few feet away, but his flair for dramatics was in good order.

Roxas suppressed a snort.

The whole class waited expectantly.

Nothing happened.

"Hey who's starting?" Roxas leaned over to check Demyx's script then blinked at his. Roxas cursed out loud. "Why do I have to be Cleopatra?"

"You are the girliest of us up here, aren't you?" Xion gloated in the irony as he tilted his head down and stared at Roxas through his bangs. He tapped his own script against his leg as if he was enjoying the entire spectacle too much.

Gritting his teeth, Roxas straightened and gripped his script with white knuckles. "O Charmian, I will never go from hence", he snarled.

Demyx cleared his throat and returned between snickers, "Be…pfft… comforted, dear madam...hehe."

Roxas closed his eyes for effect and hugged the script to his chest. "No, I will not: All strange and terrible events are welcome, But comforts we despise; our size of sorrow, Proportion'd to our cause, must be as great as that which makes it."

"Enter below, Diomedes", Professor Zack boomed.

Roxas went on. "How now! Is he dead?"

Sora perked up. "It's me now right? Okay! His death's upon him, but not dead… Look out o' the other side your monument; His guard have brought him thith—" Sora choked on his tongue as Roxas pushed past him to stumble out of the classroom.

A few called his name or told him to stop. Professor Fair? Demyx? Sora? … Axel? Roxas damned himself for not being mentally prepared enough. After those days of living death, Roxas had vowed to himself that he could do this. But…he was crumbling.

_His death's upon him, but not dead…_

Roxas couldn't stay here like this, he had to get out. Axel's voice chased itself around and around in his head as Roxas's chest constricted. Things became fuzzy. He couldn't breathe. His mouth went dry. His body became engulfed by fevered jitters: he shivered, he sweated, he wretched as he crashed into the wall and clung to it for support. Roxas moaned as his entire being protested. He had to keep moving.

Away. Away from this place. Away from this idea: the absence of the one person who reached him when he thought he'd never feel again.

Leon and Cid would probably call him a weenie if they could see him now. A helpless laugh burst from him, scalding his throat.

Up the stairs, past people who grumbled about his reckless pace, up more stairs and finally busting through the door leading to the roof. Roxas whipped around, his panic spiking. It looked exactly like it had last time...last time they were here together.

There was the corner they sat in and cuddled. Roxas collapsed and rested his head against the freezing plaster, swallowing his pained sobs.

"_Answer me Roxas…Roxas…"_

He was still here, permeating every nook and cranny. Roxas curled into the tightest ball he could manage, throwing his arms over his head as he fought down visions of the car crash. He just closed his eyes to relive it.

His whole world melted into white static, feeling Xion's eyes on him like a hot knife between the shoulders

_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_

"Roxas…Roxas answer me. Hey, you need to wake up. You'll catch a cold if you keep sleeping here."

Groaning, the blond turned to nuzzle the warm palm cupping his cheek. "Mm…cocoa…"

"Roxas, open your eyes."

He didn't want to because the person calling him...couldn't be. It wasn't.

Blue eyes cracked open to find Sora's face inches from his own. Roxas scrambled to his feet and backed up, his face aflame. He sniffed, realizing his nose was runny, his hairline sticky with sweat despite the frigid temperature. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold chased down his spine.

He watched numbly as Sora reached forward slowly to brush some snow off Roxas's shirt.

To his mortification, Roxas felt his face scrunch with the threat of fresh tears. Sora's eyes darkened with concern but Roxas looked away.

"You're not okay Roxas. Do you need to talk? "

Roxas didn't say anything.

"I mean I know my acting is bad but jeez."

Sora's weak joke only made Roxas feel worse. It meant a lot that someone he barely knew was trying to make him feel better about something they knew nothing about, but still.

"Hey… you know, it'll be alright."

Roxas made a rough sound in the back of his throat, not sure whether it was a groan or a laugh or a cough.

"I don't know why Demyx told me to come get you, but I'm kind of glad he did. Let's be friends Roxas. I feel like I've known you for years already. Riku gets that look in his eyes sometimes, the same one you have now. You don't have any family to speak of either, huh?"

Startled, Roxas took another good look at Sora. "Wha…huh?"

Sora shrugged, smiling as always though the one on his face now was the most subdued Roxas had ever seen. Sora shook off whatever thoughts were plaguing him and waved a hand in front of his face.

"And you know what I tell my Riku when he looks like that? I tell him that he has me. And he has all his friends. That friends may not be blood, but they are the family you get to choose yourself."

Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, not deigning to say he didn't really have anyone like that.

As if picking up on Roxas's thoughts, Sora grabbed his hands and made him hold eye contact.

When all Roxas did was raise his eyebrows Sora let out a huff of impatience. "Weren't you listening? I said you have me! And I also have in on good authority that you've got Cid and Leon and Yuffie at your back. And Axel when he wakes up."

"If", Roxas croaked.

"When", Sora repeated sternly.

Roxas eyed him but Sora's expression twinkled with mischief. "I know many things young Roxas." Ignoring the sudden sputtering on the other boy's part Sora continued. "Anyways, Professor Fair wants to see you."

With that Sora turned and skipped away. Roxas huffed out an exasperated laugh and had to jog a little to catch up. Instead of thanking Sora, he linked arms with the other boy. Sora took it for what it was, like they were already lifelong friends.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

His phone buzzed as he split off with Sora to wander back towards the classroom. Taking a quick look around to make sure no one of authority was around, he stopped to flip it open. It was a message from Leon. A grin split Roxas's face.

_**+ Hey kid. So you're finally up and moving around I hear. How about after work you come and spend the night at my pad. Talked it over with Cloud and he said he wouldn't mind. Of course, he's been acting weird for the past couple of days so I thought I'd ask before he has a chance to change his mind. **_

_+ Sounds good. But you realize that I have school in the morning right?_

_**+That's fine. I can take you back in the morning or you can just pack some extra clothes and I can drop them back by your place in the morning since I don't have work tomorrow.**_

_+Lucky bastard! Yeah, it's a date. Thanks._

_**+ You can spoon with Yuffie.**_

Roxas almost dropped his phone in his rush to reply:

_+Hold up. What? With who? For how many cookies!? Since when was Yuffie in the mix?_

_**+Since she's holding my 3**__**rd**__** season box set of 'Queer as Folk' for ransom. And besides, she was worried about you too. Nothing for you to worry about. Yuffie's asexual but we all have our phases.**_

_+Hmm… Yuffie sex. Kinda hot._

_**+Not even funny kid. I just barfed a little in my mouth.**_

_+All's fair Squall. _

_**+Die a lot kid. Just die a lot. I'm still trying to cling to the idea that vaginas are a bedtime story people tell their kids when they're misbehaving.**_

_+You were dropped on your head as a child weren't you?_

_**+…only twice**_

_+And on that note… I've gotta split. Still at school. See you at work. We'll head to the hospital after and relieve Yuffie, yeah?_

**+_Sounds good. _**

Roxas tucked the phone back in his pocket and ran the rest of the way back to the classroom. Professor Fair was tapping away furiously at his own text pad when Roxas knocked. A thump and crash sounded from the other side of the door and Roxas scrambled back as the door flew open. Professor Fair's cheeks were pink and he was breathing hard like he'd just been caught spanking the monkey or something.

Raising an eyebrow, Roxas said in a careful voice, "You wanted to see me sir?"

The Professor cleared his throat and straightened. "Yes, yes I did." He beckoned Roxas inside and directed him to take a seat where one had been set up opposite the teacher's desk.

Professor Fair was back to business mode as he pushed his phone to one side and steepled his fingers under his chin. "I'm not entirely sure what that whole outburst was about but I'm here to tell you two things. One: don't ever do something like that in one of my classes again. And two: you have one last chance to pass this section. Its 40% of your grade and you're failing spectacularly."

The elation that Sora had managed to coax out of him fizzed like a defective firecracker. Failing in school is bad. But failing in a Japanese school without any parental means for support was worse.

"Fuck", Roxas hissed.

Professor Fair's face hardened but he allowed the obscenity, knowing just how grave the situtation was.

"Quite right, your goose is cooked if you can't knuckle down. I'm aware of your recent circumstances but that's no excuse for you to slack off."

Roxas went pale. He could lose his job, the place he was living, and so many other things. There was only so much Cid could do for him.

Professor Fair held up a hand as if that could stop the landslide of panic inside Roxas. He rose to a stand and came to stand behind his student.

It made Roxas's skin crawl and scream for a reason he couldn't qualify when the professor's hand moved to clap him on the shoulder. He fought the urge to shrink away.

"Don't worry Roxas. I have a solution."

Not trusting his voice, Roxas didn't answer.

"Take these. Flip through them and find a line or two from one of Shakespeare's deals." He handed over two dusty tombs and Roxas grunted under their weight. "After you find your line, write an interpretive poem. I repeat: this is your _last chance_. It'll be the corner stone of your grade so even if you are failing now, you can still break even and pass if you get an 'A' on this assignment. I want it before the end of school today."

A shiver crawled down his spine as the professor gave Roxas a kind smile then sent him on his way. Roxas looked back to apologize and thank him but decided against it when Professor Fair began typing another furious text.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"'_**Cause I'm so bad, baaaad but I'm so good, goood'"**_

He didn't normally make a habit out of skipping class. But if he was going to get this done by the end of school today he needed to focus. Besides, he had solid A's in his other classes. English was the one he struggled in. Back in his and Axel's spot on the rooftop, Roxas shook away the _2ne1_ lyrics and blinked at what he had so far.

**Shall I abide in this dull world, which in thy absence is no better than a sty?**

Okay. A first line was better than the blank page he'd had for hours previously. In hindsight it didn't technically count since the first line was the one he'd chosen from the collected works Professor Fair lent him. Now, where on earth was he supposed to go from here? He didn't know squat about literary interpretation.

Leaning back, Roxas sighed up at the grey sky, vast and heavy with the promise of more snow. His breath floated out in frosty puffs and he amused himself for a moment by blowing a smoke ring like Axel had taught him.

Pain lacerated his chest so he sat up and glared back at his insipid excuse for a last chance.

The words swam, his eyes burning and blurred over with unshed tears. A distant melody began to tickle his fingertips. He closed his eyes and let his fingers fly as they pressed and plucked at the ghostly chords with a confidence he felt in nothing but music.

His pen tapped out a steady rhythm on the notebook.

_Axel…Axel. Where for art thou my Axel…?_

His eyes suddenly snapped open. He had it!

_It's simply broken glass which strives  
>So hardly to get deeper and deeper<br>Each piece mirrors a blue piece  
>of my heart, a flame-like part of your face,<em>

His pen shook and he took a deep breath to brace himself. _  
><em>

_another recognition of the fact that I….  
>cannot forget, I…cannot get over it<br>I… love… adore, forgive once more  
>and nonetheless glaze into glacial eyes.<br>Chaste cliché, the word has subjugated my life.  
>But, shall I abide in this dull world<br>which in thy absence is no better than a sty?_

Now the trembling started. He cursed and shook out his writing hand, willing it to stop shaking. He set his pen to paper again and it flew across the page with newly possessed fervor. _  
><em>

_What I've got I shelter inside and still  
>the question stays: how do I compete with them?<br>Waning away like an open flower although  
>they might deny it.<br>What am I supposed to do now, when…  
>everything that I thought was right, is wrong?<br>They won't help for their narrow strength  
>arises such a solitaire an answer.<em>

He wrote about Xion. He wrote as a message to himself. He wrote to Axel. Someday he'd read this for him. Someday soon…

_So let my blue eyes be green once more,  
>let me jump off that paved cloud<br>with the bravest bird on my right arm  
>and let him sing the song forever<br>…"Did you really have to die for me?"  
>Yell my name when I'm half way above the ground<br>Do you think it will be worth it?  
>I softly faint before you turn around<br>Thy warm hands shall stop embracing my heart  
>Only that memory of who I used to be, where I came from,<br>what I offered you when everything looked cruel  
>will live on your lips...for an eternity<em>

He took a few deep breaths and dropped his pen to flex his aching hand. He'd heard of writer's cramps. Had even fantasized about what they might be like, but never in his entire life did he imagine being compelled to write something like this and have the glory aches to prove it.

Roxas's lips traced each of the words. It was strange, horrifying…wonderful. He could totally see now how people could run around and not express stuff that they were upset about until they put it in paper. It was like…throwing an eloquent tantrum with words. He scooted away from the wall and hoisted his stiff limbs into motion.

Just as he bent to retrieve his work, the door to the roof flung open and Sora spilled over the threshold. "Told you he was here! Okay so what are we on?"

Riku ambled up behind him and scooped the boy up with an arm under his waist. He knelt without a word to dust Sora's pants off. After a moment's appraisal he straightened again and said, "'C' I think."

Sora tapped his chin then bounced back on his heels while Riku caught him. The younger boy pushed himself up and said, "Candle sniffing fuck fence, go climb a wall made of vagina."

Roxas's jaw dropped.

Riku grinned down at him and shot back, "Doo-packing ass lamp, go ride a bike made of dicks." His eyes flitted over to Roxas. " Oh, and to answer your unanswered question: its new age Shakespearean."

"I'll ride your—"

Roxas coughed to let them know he was still in the near vicinity and didn't want to be privvy to any of their...private activities.

"Oh, it's okay Roxas! There is only one R.O.U.S for me!" He leaned into the older boy and beamed up at him. Riku's lips lifted with a quizzical grin.

"What's an R.O.U.S again?

"A Riku of unusual size! Haha! Isn't it funny?"

Irked, Riku bent down to breathe in the younger boy's ear as he copped a feel. "That's not what you said last night Sora. Be more honest with yourself."

Roxas made to step around them while they were both so obviously distracted but Sora glommed onto his arm when he was a step into the safe zone.

"Where do you think you're going, huh?" What he didn't see was the immediate switch from nonchalance to blistering hostility in his man. Roxas got the message.

"Uhmm…. You go here." He pushed Sora back into the silver haired boy who immediately relaxed again.

Riku smirked at Roxas from behind Sora and his arms moved to cradle the boy more securely against him. "Now what did we learn from that story Sora?", he asked without breaking eye contact with Roxas. "Recite it like I taught you."

Sora's face scrunched in concentration and his words came out in a stumble. "Westley was jumpy, Humperdink was…was horney, and…uh…. And the six fingered man like to watch!"

Roxas choked. "No wonder this kid was failing his classes! Just what are you teaching him!?"

Riku placed a finger over his rakish grin.

Roxas shook his head and actually managed to squeeze past them this time. Sora decided to follow. Roxas glanced out the window to see a very disgruntled Demyx scrubbing the windows while Principal Maleficent stood over him and alternately swatted at Wakka.

It was late. He'd spent more time up there than he meant to but at least it was done now. He looked again at the poem clenched gently in his hand. With this he could defintely pass.

He paused when they rounded the corner, a few feet from Professor Fair's room. They weren't raised voices, but they were desperate. Sora and Riku stopped and Sora's eyes bugged with curiosity.

Roxas reached a hand back and felt Riku's fingers there too while they both covered Sora's mouth. All three of them inched forward carefully to press ears against the door.

"I don't want to leave him, but I can't stop thinking about you!"

"You shouldn't have come here. This is where I work."

"School's over anyways."

"But people are still around."

"But we _need_ to settle this. I have to know that it'll work with us this time if I'm going to break up with him…I've missed you Zack."

"I…I know. I've missed you too, but—"

"Then why can't we give it another try?"

Someone blew out a tired breath. "Yeah. Yeah, go ahead and tell him. We can go get your stuff tomorrow and in the meantime you can stay with me."

"Okay. I'll call him now. I love you."

"I love you too."

The sound of two bodies shuffling closer reached Roxas and he scrambled back as he heard footsteps. Too late.

In the ensuing chaos Roxas scrambled to his feet and looked up into eyes that were as blue as Professor Fair's.

"Y…You're…" he stuttered.

Cloud's eyes widened because he recognized the other blond too. Oh goody.

**As always, enjoy, and review if you've enjoyed, and be happy if you reviewed if you've enjoyed because NOW I'm happy that you've enjoyed and left me a review that makes me want to write more….*ahem***

**As a final note to wrap this baby up, I must guiltily inform you that yes Roxas is a wreck, and he shall remain so for a while just because I want to torture the little booger. Also, we are approaching the point where Axel will be waking up, but I assure you the overall reaction is the one you'd least expect.**

**I have just recently discovered the wonders of Dissidia *-* www. /watch?v= dDujnoxTOfU&feature= related (Gee is for Goof, just removed the spaces) andddd**

** www. / watch?v= Sfs1l5svJUo&feature= related (****[MMD] Chibi Final Fantasy – Electrica, again, remove the spaces****)**

**Two of the most amazing things I've ever seen, seriously. What wonders will mine eyes behold before my time is nigh~! **

**Chibi Cloud, Chibi Zack, AND Chibi Leon, all dancing around and then in the second one the whole crew including Sephiroth! I'm in love. I'm in lust. I can't friggin breathe I'm laughing so hard xD**

**Until the next installment~**

**Really sorry. So, so, so sorry again. No updates till now because…A) near fatal injury, B) death in the family, or C) busy with work and such. **

**If you answered all three, you were right! Tell them what they've won Bob! ...Bob? Bob Barker? Huh, guess the price was wrong eh? Well, as a consolation prize here is the new chapter as promised from a long, looooong time ago in a galaxy not so far away! **

**Oh and credits belong to the creators. On the poem (which was not written by me *sobs and wishes*) I would like to give special credit to a Miss ****Muresan Laura****! **

**Her work is simply breath taking and it was absolutely the perfect tear jerker I was looking for. Also, speaking of tear jerkers, if you haven't seen a movie called "Lost and Delirious" I seriously suggest you do so. Oh and despite all of Roxas's misgivings, I love Shakespeare. It's really fun to cuss in old English. Give it a go sometime. Princess Bride is also my jam because everybody loves R.O.U.S's, characters named Buttercup, and EVERYONE knows at least one Fezzik. 2ne1 is a kpop band that I zone out to sometimes.**

**Blah. Hope this was worth the wait!**

**Next time: Zack and Leon have their showdown.**


	23. Chapter 21: Much Ado About Something

**So yeah…typos and sickness of a rather nasty sort that will be sticking with me for a while. I thought colds sucked, but dayam. I mentioned this in my last update for a bit. Lack of updates? Yeah, this is why. I literally could die yo. How exciting. No really. I mean it. *is being obnoxiously sarcastic* I can haz good karma? **

**Chapter 21: **_**Much Ado About Something**_

**Present Day**

When Tidus stepped through the door he was confronted with an armful of Roxas. "I'm so glad you're ok", the smaller blond mumured into his shoulder.

Tidus's hand rose to pat awkwardly at the small of Roxas's back. "I'm uh…home."

Roxas's arms tightened before he stepped back. His eyes were foggy like he'd been resisting the urge to cry. And failing.

Tidus gave him a crooked grin then sidestepped him but Roxas grabbed his arm as he made to pass.

Leon and Axel watched them both warilly.

"I…I'm sorry."

Tidus scratched his ear and nodded, looking back at Leon for what to do or say. Roxas's turnabout was rather disturbing. Leon took pity on him and grinned, stepping closer to place an arm around his shoulder and lead him away.

"It's late. We're going to bed now. Good night."

"Night", Roxas croaked.

Axel came up to him carefully and massaged his shoulder with one hand. "You alright?"

Roxas nodded, though he looked drawn and pale. "You go on to bed. I'll be there in a bit."

Axel hesitated. There was no fighting with Roxas when he got like this so he conceded. He shuffled down the hall and his footsteps faded as the light in their room clapped on.

Roxas blew out a deep breath and padded to his study, flopping in his chair. It was early morning now. Roxas sat up typing the whole time Leon had been out. The relief he felt was indescribable and he placed his fingers to the keyboard again in reverence at his good fortune.

"_When I was little I used to hide in small places. Dark places, somewhere adults' hands couldn't reach. Where my father's hands couldn't reach. It was an age before I could justify or define cowardice. Before I could wonder why it was so normal to feel that clench in your stomach at the thought of going home from school, having to duck around your teachers because something deep inside told you to keep your mouth shut about the bruises."_

Roxas paused the frantic click of keys as a knock sounded on his door. His face scrunched into a frown. "Come in."

The door creaked open and he blinked when not only Axel, but Tidus and Leon stepped in. Without a word, Axel settled himself at Roxas's feet while the other two took the couch.

"Uh…guys?"

"Hush Rox", Axel murmured. "Just let us do this."

He watched his husband's face for a minute then nodded and turned back to the computer screen, a smile hitching his lips.

_Hiding can only stop the images. But it can't cease the noise. Not completely at least. In hindsight maybe it was much worse because my imagination went insane trying not to picture how I knew my mother would look after he was done. I still heard her. Still heard his fist bury itself in her flesh while she cried tears and her skin wept in blood. _

_When they fought she would always tell me to run. I didn't know I was a coward at the time. I was scared. I was weak, and small, and I knew when my father stumbled through the door it only meant pain._

He jumped with a soft curse when he felt warm, soft lips press to his cold ankle. "Calm down", Axel rumbled, well on his way to sleep.

Roxas snorted but cracked his knuckles and flexed his fingers a few times before continuing.

_He had a really nasty habit of taking things out on others that were his fault. Maybe it was his fetish with pro wrestling women who were bigger, hairier, and had deeper voices than him. Perhaps this led him to homosexuality. And perhaps the realization of homosexuality, coupled with and aggravated by his drinking problem, was what made him so intent on making others suffer along with him. _

_So I hid. _

_A gloomy place is calming; the feeling of the body and the surrounding space merging into one darkness. As a child I often found comfort in the cupboard or under the bed. I remember reaching out, touching the walls around me, pretending I was safe from everything that could hurt me. Except for the light. Except for the noise._

_They made the abuse real as they spilled in to drown me. Against the dark that muffles but never blocks even the loudest screams, the light burned. _

_I felt like the fetus pried from the womb so many times. My eyes, not yet ready, opened to the rawest, ugliest truths and cried for the cruelties of this world. _

_Nothing could stop the light. If I shut my eyes in weak denial I'd see red. The light always found a way to slip in next to me, in the guise of a friend._

_The brightness is a place where you can expect to see and hear all things as they come for you. But in the distance of that shadow that is back to back with yours, that is darkness. And the fist that breaks is freedom._

_For a while my mom grinned and bore everything. But one time…_

_It was right before they were to split off for good. Mom had taken very meticulous care of me. Except that one time._

"_Where is that little brat?" _

"_Calm down Genousuke. Please, the child hasn't done anything wrong!"_

_He had slapped her so hard she slammed into the cupboard I was huddling in. It shook and trembled but stayed closed. Something shifted and I knew she was blocking it. _

"…_I'm leaving."_

"_If you go out now you'll cause more trouble again. Calm down, please Genousuke. At least sober up a little."_

"_Don't presume to command me, bitch."_

_The wood of the cupboard creaked against itself as she got up to block his way. I buried my face in my knees and clutched the cup she had bought me that afternoon on a whim. It might have seemed silly to treasure such a thing._

_The door jerked open and light stabbed me. I flinched as she loomed there, expressionless._

"_Is it okay to come out now…? Mom?"_

_She tore the cup from my hands and drew her arm back to throw it. _

"_Wait! Please don't break it! Th-that's!"_

_I had taken very good care of that cup, because it was something I had wanted and mom bought it for me with a smile on her face. Though it was for a short time, the cup was my treasure. _

_When she handed the cup to me, she had bent down to wrap me in her arms and we giggled like two conspirators in some great crime, stealing snatches of laughter wherever we could._

_But that white cup with the yellow smiley face flew through the air and crashed against the wall. The pieces lay heaped like so much trash._

_That night I couldn't sleep. I actually wanted to sleep early so I could wake up sooner than my mom. Something told me if I didn't, she'd be gone. The fear of waking up alone was so heavy it made my breath catch and my body stiff. I fell asleep like that, wishing everything would be ok. _

_Feeling like I was that cup. _

_It was only once. Only one time because my mom wasn't a cruel woman. __She was sad. And __she__was__more__alone__than__I__could__understand__._

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**Back in High School…**

The more you attack your feelings, the more you get hurt. Men are so foolish and heroic…but, the more they get hurt, the more understanding they gain, the stronger they become.

In.

A Pig's.

Eye.

That was Roxas's last fuzzy thought before his tidal wave of anger crested.

All bets were off that whoever came up with that one had someone he could crawl into bed with at night.

Cloud's blond spikey hair fanned out around him just as Leon had described it. And he really did do that lip pursy thing Leon said he had spent hours adoring. His beautiful face mirrored Professor Fair's in its transition from shock to utter mortification.

The pain in Roxas's chest over Axel ebbed in the wake of Leon's voice, steady but exhausted after a long night of work. Though he wasn't the pining type, there was a softness to his expression whenever Cloud came up in conversation. And it came back with a vengeance as Roxas pinned Cloud with the full fire of his glare.

Loyalty. Love. What did it all mean anymore when someone you cared about could change their minds so easily? When they could forget you and move onto another.

Roxas shoved past Cloud and slapped his assignment on Professor Fair's desk before bowing stiffly and thanking him for the opportunity. Then he whipped around and backed Cloud into the corner.

Cloud knew he was caught though and his guilt paralyzed him. He didn't put up much of a fight when Roxas dragged him out of the classroom.

"Meguriaukagi!" Roxas shut the door on Professor Fair's angry shout.

"Hey kid, leggo", Cloud mumbled. He was growing pale and Roxas felt the onset of trembling under his fingers. He clamped down until Cloud cried out then dropped his wrist and recoiled from the older male like he was slathered in shit. "Shut up and follow me."

For some reason, Cloud did. Roxas bulldozed past a stunned Sora and Riku, barking "Distract the professor."

He stormed further down the hall, his wabaki slapping against the polished floors in a dirge of accusation. He stopped suddenly, when he was sure they were alone and yanked Cloud so the taller man stumbled in front of him.

What he saw disgusted him; skinny and sickly, gangly, fragile, the very manifestation of weakness itself.

Cloud frowned and scratched the back of his head. He looked left, right, shifting his weight like he was waiting for someone to come save him. Roxas crossed his arms and tapped his foot.

"Look—"

"What the fuck Cloud? Do you know how in love with you he is?!"

Cloud dropped his head. He bared both his palms in a half shrug and smiled for a moment, but it was a sad sort of smile that didn't reach his eyes. It appeared forced, as if even though he was smiling, he wasn't quite sure why. Perhaps it was some kind of irony where something was funny even though it wasn't really a laugh out loud kind of funny and funny in that horrible way that kind of makes you want to cry out in pain.

Roxas grit his teeth and resisted the urge to tell Cloud to choke on himself.

The older blond opened his mouth like he was finally ready to say something, coughed to cover it, and closed his mouth again. He took a shaky breath and tried again. "I don't know what to say. I didn't want this to happen…have you ever had something you wanted so bad you'd do anything to have it? Even past ignoring what you knew was right?"

"Yes, it's why I eat the whole chocolate bar anyways."

He blinked and quirked his lips like he wanted to smirk.

"Don't you dare" Roxas snarled.

His face went carefully neutral again."You wouldn't understand kid. You've probably never had something taken away. I did, and I'm making it right. Not many people get this kind of second chance."

Roxas didn't think. He flew at Cloud, fist cocked. He forgot everything Axel had warned him about in fighting, to keep a clear head and never take the first strike. Because dammit this wasn't about Roxas. It was about Leon!

Though he didn't aim, Roxas knew he hit something when Cloud lurched into the wall with a dull thud.

He braced his cheek with one hand and rose to his feet again with an empty expression.

_They saw the car barreling toward Axel too late. _

Roxas grabbed the side of his head as his vision swam. Air caught in his throat. Everything froze. Words. Hatred. Helpless loss.

_"If you hadn't come he'd still be with me! He wouldn't be hurt! Are you happy Roxas? This is all your fault!"_

Panting and sweating, Roxas tried to shake it off. Cloud was saying something again but he couldn't hear. His heart crashed against his ribcage like a prisoner desperate to escape. The rush of blood was carrying all rationality away.

Roxas's knuckles throbbed. He flinched and whipped around when someone behind him tried to place a hand on his arm.

"Calm down", Sora whispered, his brow creased with worry.

"Move", Professor Fair snapped as he pushed Roxas aside and pulled Cloud into his arms. "What… thinking…serious disciplinary action…out of my sight." The professor traced the line of Cloud's bruised jaw.

Roxas turned and stalked away. Sora's voice. Professor Fair's voice. Leon's voice. They all blended into static.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas's limbs shuddered. He was weak and cold, hot and shaky. This routine was getting old. One step at a time. Sprint, jog, sprint, walk, fall. Rise, dust off. Run.

The bell tinkled overhead as Roxas pushed through Highwind's automatic doors.

Startled, Leon looked up from the service counter.

Roxas bent and braced hands on his knees, trying to reclaim a normal airway in the tangle of his burning lungs. Rustling.

Leon placed a hand against Roxas's back, too warm, too kind. "What's wrong, kid? You're not due in for work for another hour."

Roxas swallowed a sob and straightened so fast he almost smacked Leon's chin with the top of his head. He grabbed the sides of Leon's jacket.

"He's cheating on you." Roxas shook Leon as hard as he could. "That son of a bitch is cheating on you!"

Leon quirked his eyebrow, the corners of his mouth pulling into a frown. "What are you talking about? And where's your jacket?"

"Have you checked your phone?"

Leon stepped back and pulled it from his pocket. He scrolled through his recent messages. And there it was, that moment when you know everything is going to change. His eyes became dull and the frown relaxed into blankness. He looked over at Roxas in silent question despite already knowing the answer.

A customer rang the bell at the counter for service.

Roxas expected Leon to break down right there. A small part of him was even hoping for (needing) it. But Leon was nothing if not consistent.

Cid chose that moment to make his entrance. "Customer", he rumbled.

Leon turned and said, "Hello sir", before grasping the man by the seat of his pants and the scruff of his jacket and tossing him out on his ass. "And goodbye."

Cid snickered until he saw Leon's sharp expression. The younger male stepped over and mumbled something in his ear. Expression grave, Cid nodded. "Take all the time you need. I'll clock you out here and have Tidus come take over your shift." He shot a sympathetic look at Roxas and chewed his cigar.

Roxas frowned.

As he pulled off his apron, Leon corralled Roxas out the door.

"What did you just say? How come that slave driver let us go?"

"I heard that", Cid called after them.

Roxas cringed and lowered his voice as they began to walk back in the direction of the school.

Leon said nothing for a moment while he shook a cigarette out of his pack and lit up. After taking a couple of deep drags he said, "I told him you were pregnant and needed some moral support."

Roxas gaped at him. "He realizes I'm a _boy _right?"

"Somedays we wonder."

Roxas huffed and jogged to catch up with Leon. "You know where we're going?"

"Don't ask stupid questions Roxas."

Roxas's stomach flopped as the rest of him marinated in a fresh rush of adrenaline. A fight. They were definitely heading into a fight. He was ready. He needed this. He couldn't wait to punch out Cloud again.

Roxas's sore knuckles pulsed, voicing their own eagerness for blood.

When they stepped onto school grounds again Roxas started for where he'd last seen Cloud and Professor Fair. Leon, it seemed, had other plans. He grabbed Roxas by the scruff of his neck and slung him over his shoulder in a disturbing resemblance to Axel.

"Put me down! They're over there!" He reached around and battered Leon's back, his butt, anywhere he could reach.

"Stop flailing around up there or I'm going to drop you."

"That's the point!"

"It's a long way down shrimpcake. Just relax."

Leon shifted with what Roxas suspected was purposeful aim because the blond's gut collided perfectly with his shoulder.

Knowing when he was beaten, Roxas went limp and attempted to keep what little composure he could while staring helplessly at Leon's leather clad posterior.

After what seemed like forever, a dizzying tsunami of blood rushed back to Roxas's head as Leon set him roughly on his feet in front of his shoe locker. Roxas swayed a moment as he braced himself against the cool metal until he stopped seeing spots.

"Get your stuff."

Roxas turned a little pink as he looked down and realized he'd run all that way in his wabaki. They were filthy now. As he bent to switch them for his street shoes he mumbled, "Is that all we came here for?"

Leon didn't answer as he punched a button on his phone and mashed it against his ear. "I'm here." Then he hung up, crossed his arms, and leaned against the far wall. He pulled out another cigarette but didn't light it as he bent one leg and propped his foot up. He popped the cigarette in his mouth, the tip bobbing as he worked his lips. It was the only nervous action he'd allow.

Roxas sighed and reached for his messenger bag and jacket.

Axel's jacket.

Roxas ignored the nasty stab in his gut, the voice in his head sneering at his pathetic little coping mechanisms. Even though the jacket had been in the locker all day, it was still warm and slipped around Roxas's shoulders like a hug. He indulged himself for a moment and nuzzled into the collar, taking a deep breath of cinnamon and old cigarettes before zipping it up and popping a squat on the nearest bench.

They waited for what seemed like far longer than five minutes before footsteps echoed in the hallway. Roxas's head snapped so fast in the direction of the noise his neck popped.

Leon was more methodical about it as he turned his body to face the approaching figures. He pushed himself up from the wall and crossed his arms, shoulders slouched like this was no big deal.

Cloud and Professor Fair came closer warilly.

Roxas didn't miss the way Cloud tensed and the professor stepped closer as if to act the shield for him at any moment.

Leon kept his face carefully blank as he nodded his head at Roxas. "Wait for me out front."

"Hey wait, I—"

"Wait for me out front."

Roxas's mouth pulled down at the corners but he did as his friend wanted and gathered his things, glaring at the other two on his way by. Cloud stared ahead, his eyes never leaving Leon's. His was a look of shame, and love. Of courage and pain.

In the back of Roxas's mind, he pictured the same expression ghosting across Axel's face as he stood next to Xion.

Roxas shook his head, angry at his weakness, and kept walking. A sudden yank at his ankle almost sent him toppling over but he righted himself with a rather indignant squawk just in time and joined his companions in a crouch behind the row of lockers a few feet away.

Sora and Demyx made unnecessary shushing gestures and Riku smiled. Roxas shifted to get more comfortable and the four boys settled in to watch the confrontation.

"So here we are." Leon nibbled the butt of his cigarette and shifted it to the other corner of his mouth. He closed his eyes and rubbed the skin between his eyes with his thumb while Cloud threaded his fingers with those of the man by his side.

_**Guess its too late to say things to you, that I needed to hear you say…**_

"Well Cloud, Zack", he bobbed his head to acknowledge each of them in turn. "This isn't some Shakespearean tragedy, so I'll make this easy on all of us."

A flare of pride burned in Roxas's chest for Leon. He was facing the man who had stolen his boyfriend and said boyfriend who had just broken his heart, acting as if they were discussing nothing more routine than the weather.

Leon pulled out his lighter and sparked the flint with his thumb so his hands would have something to do. Zack made like he wanted to complain about how this was a school but a single glare from the solitary brunet quelled him.

Fuck-off-I'm-letting-you-have-my-man-so-let-me-have-a-goddamn-cig. Yeah, something like that. If a picture was worth a thousand words, one of Leon's glares was worth an entire book.

Roxas might not have known him very long but he knew the signs to look for. Leon's shoulders bunched under his jacket even though his arms were folded loosely. His eyes were sharp and the smile ticked on the right side, like he was fighting to keep it in place. Such little things gave away so much if you knew where to search.

He needed to take a leaf out of Leon's book. Give with grace and don't let them see you cry. It didn't seem like the others were considering the whole scope of what was going on. He looked around at the other boys, his mouth twisting. If they did, they'd have to acknowledge the misery of it.

For Roxas it was defintely tapping into an old, deep wound.

Leon was diplomatic and relaxed, for all intents and appearances. But he was still only human. Cloud reached the same conclusion as Roxas because after a few moments he leaned against Professor Fair like he was physically hurting too.

A sudden laugh burst from Leon, startling them all. "Jealousy should be a chronic disease. It could go between "Jaundice" and "Jumping Frenchmen of Maine".

Zack stared at Leon like he was afraid for his health.

Leon shook his head and gifted them both with a crooked grin. He took a deep drag and held it before releasing a plume of smoke with his next words. "Just do me a favor Cloud, ok?"

The blond nodded, his lips curving in a sad smile at Leon's blatantly fake joke.

"Don't do this to anyone else. Text message break-ups are _fucked _up."

Professor Fair raised an eyebrow and looked down at Cloud. "Seriously? You texted him to break it off? That's not right."

A muscle worked in the blond's jaw as groped for something to say. Leon chuckled.

"Even 'the puppy' here agrees with me. That's rich."

"Way to go chocobo head", Zack added.

Cloud blushed, his scowl more to keep up appearances than actual offense. Zack stepped up like he wanted to shake Leon's hand but the brunet backed away, just out of reach.

"Woah. Not yet."

Zack dropped his hand. "I understand. Thank you."

"Don't." Leon pinched the bridge of his nose again. "I just… let me see it one more time."

Cloud came forward without a word and both him and Zack unbottoned their shirts and slid their left arms from the sleeve.

Roxas squinted hard to see. A matching tattoo graced each respective bicep from where Zack and Cloud must have served in the military together. It clicked for Roxas in the worst way.

Cloud and Zack knew and loved pieces of each other Leon would never be able to reach. He was the outsider, the one who'd come after their shared past and thought he had a chance. But they'd rekindled, and Leon was the one left behind.

Leon sighed. "He's in your hands then." He pointed at Zack. "You hurt him and I'll break your face again. Permanently. Don't make me regret this."

Zack grinned and squeezed Cloud's shoulder. "Never again. Things have changed. I've changed."

"In some ways", Leon agreed. "But you're still a boyfriend stealing ass-clown."

Zack canted his head, detecting the note of bitterness that swam just below the surface of Leon's light tone.

The brunet zipped his coat up and placed his cigarette between two fingers. He clicked his heels together and gave them a sarcastic salute. "I'm not gonna ask anymore so don't tell. Got it?"

He didn't wait for their answer as he turned and walked away. His strides were long but not rushed.

"Go easy on him Zack. The best to both of you", he called over his shoulder. And Roxas's heart ached because he knew Leon was being sincere.

Cloud laid his head on Zack's shoulder and the other man raised his arm to hug him close. "Leon", he called.

The two men couldn't see the shadow of agony that passed over Leon's face as he halted but the boys did. And the four of them watched as Leon swiped a hand over his face and wiped it away before turning back to face his tormentors.

He gaze dragged down to the serene expression on Cloud's face as the blond nestled against Zack. Through the long, hard nights when Cloud's PTSD flared, Leon could never get him to make that expression. Cloud's mind was at peace and Zack could share his pain in a way Leon wasn't able to.

He swallowed, knowing he was making the right decision, even if he was doing a damn shitty job in the no-regrets department."You can come by and get your stuff tonight. I'll be at Roxas's to make it less awkward for you."

"You and him aren't…?"

"Uhm, no. Ew." He paused for a moment then smirked. "Why? You jelly already?" Leon winked down at Cloud then continued on his way.

Cloud and Zack didn't wait around to watch his retreat. They turned to climb the stairs. And that was that.

Roxas stood, but he couldn't move as he watched Leon stride by. As an afterthought the older man turned and came back to pluck Roxas up and slung him over his shoulder again, hefting the messenger bag in his other hand.

"Move along children. You've seen all you're going to see here."

"We're not doing this again. Put me down", Roxas snapped.

Leon ignored him.

"See you tomorrow Sora", Roxas grumbled. He hid his face in his hands when he caught Riku and Demyx smirking at him.

Outside, the brisk air stung like a bitchslap.

Roxas shivered as Leon set him on his feet once they were outside the school gates.

"Cid's let us off the hook for a couple of days."

Roxas nodded and they walked in silence in the direction of his apartment.

"I was going to ask about coming over. I didn't mean to just…"

"It's cool", Roxas said. "But shouldn't we get you a spare change of clothes or something? Mine won't fit you."

Leon waved a dismissive hand. Roxas stared at his feet. It was suddenly way too awkward.

"I don't want you going back to the hospital tonight. Axel will still be there after you've rested. Hang out with me."

"Okay."

They lapsed into silence again, easier now.

"Hey Leon, was that…?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really…?"

"Yeah."

Roxas sighed.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

He blew on his numb fingers as they climbed the last step toward the door. Yuffie greeted them with a squeal and a projectile tackle that bowled Roxas over. Leon caught the collar of his jacket before he could tumble down the stairs to his death.

When Roxas had both feeth firmly on the ground again Yuffie slapped a wet kiss on his forehead. "How's my favorite squirt?"

Roxas glared at her and swiped her excess slobber off. "Why are you here?"

He was suddenly nervous to leave Axel all alone like this. What if he woke up and there was no one around? What if—

"Relax. Demyx is on it." She gave Roxas a small smile that he returned in spite of himself. Yuffie turned to Leon and huffed,"Took you long enough to get here guys. Seriously."

Roxas looked at Leon."When did you…?"

"Oh Squally here texted me about the change in plans!" She pulled a plastic bag from behind her back and set it down by the blond's feet before leaning back to bounce on the balls of her feet.

"Do you ever…?"

"Hold still? Hell no. Too much to do. So much to see. When did you get in the habit of asking incomplete questions?"

"Erm…"

"He was a very deprived child Yuff. Lay off."

She stuck her tongue out at Leon as Roxas huffed and jammed his key into the door.

"How does me not finishing my questions make me a deprived child?"

"Great mystery of life?", Leon offered.

They filed into the apartment after toeing off their shoes.

Roxas flicked on the lights and immediately noticed how cold it was. Yuffie shivered and ran over to the thermostat.

"Let's get this party started!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't mess with that too much. Electric bills are a killer. Cid's already helping me with the water."

"Shut up Roxas. You're starting to sound like that geezer. Oh! And speaking of parties, I was supposed to remind you about Sora's party to kick off vacation time for you kiddies. It'll be a good distraction from all the doom and gloom lately."

Roxas blinked. "How do you know Sora? How do you know I know Sora? Are you stalking me again Yuffie?"

"As if, emo boy. Everybody knows Sora. More importantly, everyone knows when he has a shindig. That brat throws legendary parties." She leaned in close and gave Roxas a conspiratorial wink. "Legend states it was at one of Sora's parties where Leon got his first taste of that leather fetish."

"True story", Leon said without hesitation. He tossed Yuffie a cupcake to shut her up and set the bag on the counter. As he slid out of his jacket, he bent down and pulled a skillet from under the counter before rummaging around in one of the top cupboards.

"Oh, you don't have to. Vincent was going to—" Roxas paused when he realized Leon needed this like he'd needed that cigarette earlier. Leon relaxed as they reached a silent understanding.

Then Yuffie burped. "You're such a housewife Leon."

"You should be honored that I'm cooking for you."

Yuffie hopped onto one of the bar stools that hugged the oven and rested her chin on her knuckles to watch. Leon glided around the kitchen with an ease that gave Roxas pause from his quick clean up campaign in the living room.

He took Leon's jacket and hung it in the closet with Yuffie's and Axel's before pulling up a seat next to the bouncing girl.

Roxas deemed himself a fair cook, in that he wouldn't die if he had to cook for himself. Axel was flashier with the wok and flame. But Leon was just…at home in Roxas's kitchen. He plucked a _santoku hocho,_ an all-purpose cooking knife, from the holster on his thigh Roxas had always thought was for show.

Roxas raised an eyebrow. "Do you always carry that around?"

"Shut up Roxas", the other two said simoultaneously

Yuffie leaned over to murmur,"It's cool when Leon cooks."

And indeed it was. Roxas cringed when Leon tossed the knife in the air before catching the handle and rocking it effortlessly over a leek.

Roxas mirrored Yuffie's posture, knuckles resting under his chin as his mind wandered while he watched Leon's hands work with a confidence he coveted. It was insane thinking about not only how he held it together today, but how he could find solace in what he was doing now.

This left Roxas with a sinking realization. He needed a hobby. One that didn't include men, women who became men, or half dead men. Men, men, men.

_**It's raining meeeeen… **_

Roxas resisted the urge to groan. He was turning into such a flamer. His phone buzzed from his pocket and he fished for it, momentarilly distracted from his self-recrimination.

He passed a glance over his phone.

And dropped it.

The stool clattered to the ground as he shot to his feet and ran.

"Hey" Yuffie called after him, "Where are you going?"

Roxas didn't answer her as he yanked Axel's coat from the closet, pulled it on, and sprinted out the door.

Leon put down the knife and crouched to pick up Roxas's phone. He might have hurt himself if he hadn't relinquished the blade first.

Demyx's message read: **Axel's awake…**

**.::.A/N.::. **_**So yeah…typos. So many, many typos. I mentioned this in my last update for a while, at least. Wish me luck because I'm terrified. Lack of updates? Yeah, this is why. **_

_**I'm really into Kevedd right now for some reason. Maybe it's because Ed, Edd, and Eddy are back on Boomerang. Check out "Blood in the Water" by Ezno. It's heartwrenching and wonderful. "The Double-D Dare" really got me too. Ah, feelz. I'll be vegging to it while I focus on healing. **_

_**Anyways, Creditz for song lyrics go to Bob Dylan for his song "Shooting Star", and to the infraggible Weather Girls for their hysterical little diddy, "It's Raining Men."**_


	24. Chapter 22: Painkillers and Posies

**Let's do this crazy thing! *serious face***

**Chapter 22:** _**Painkillers and Posies**_

_There is a difference between existing and living. _

_It's terrible and wonderful how two things like this are supposed to be so different in meaning, yet they bleed into one another after a while. I say terrible and wonderful because sometimes we are too tired to search for that dividing line._

_That, like love, is a double edged sword. I heard a saying a while back. It went along the lines of "to love someone means giving them the power to hurt you in the worst way, but trusting them not to."_

_If this were an easy story to tell I might get lazy and say something like… "Axel woke up and we rode off into the sunset, the evil Xion was vanquished, Leon made pie, Mama Xem gave Marluxia a super atomic wedgie to end all super atomic wedgies, aaaand Demyx spooned a penguin plushy while jumping over the moon."_

_Okay. _

_Stop._

_Rewind. _

_Remember one of the first things I said? Being gay is __**not**__ easy. Not fucking easy at all. _

_Were I smarter and less masochistic, I probably would have just heckled Kairi into hooking up with me. Or maybe Namine. No good?_

_Yeah I know. They're both total fruit flies. All girls are somewhere deep down. Sigh. _

_But you know, easy tales are boring right? If this were an easy story, then it wouldn't be much of a story at all. The end?_

_Ha. Beg. _

_No? Then enough with the stale phrases, and on with it then! So where was I? _

_Ah yes…_

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Roxas tripped over himself as he skidded through the automatic doors. A sudden assault from alcohol and flourescent lights stung his lungs and eyes. He darted through nurses and patients alike—ignoring their calls not to run in the hospital—as he climbed, crawled, clawed his way closer to his bonny lad.

It took every ounce of strength he had left to keep himself still after mashing the up arrow with enough force to crack the plastic.

His stomach sank as the elevator rose. As he sunk into the weightless pocket, Roxas pressed himself to the wall and shivered. He was so cold his fingernails throbbed like they wanted to pop off. When the elevator reached Axel's floor the doors seemed to slide open in slow motion. He stumbled out and ran a clammy hand through his hair as he looked around.

He rushed past the nurse who tried to hold him back and calm him down. He felt his heartbeat in his shoes with every frantic step as he flew down the white halls that all looked so sterile, so alike.

It would all be ok now. He just had to brave this last bout of cold then he could be safe in the heat of Axel's arms.

One thought on one heart.

His body burst into motion and he accidentally ran over an elderly woman and her orderly. She swung her cane at him and it connected.

"Respect your elders kiddies. They won't share their cookies and have surprisingly good aim."

Roxas's eyes were wild as they met Demyx's. The taller blond bent down to help Roxas to his feet, a tight smile on his face.

Roxas swallowed. Flashes of white, alcohol, death, life. Sadness, pain, helpless desperation.

Demyx grabbed Roxas's shoulders. "Dude, you need to calm down."

"Is he really awake?"

"Uh…maybe you shouldn't —"

Roxas flung the door open, pushed into the room, and stopped.

Xion was leaning over but he looked up, about to press a kiss in Axel's hair. Xion's look of surprise steeled into a cold, triumphant glare. The boy stood with Axel's hand in his like it belonged there. Axel's head lolled back on the pillow, his eyes still closed. Good.

Roxas strode into the room and snatched Xion up by his coat. He'd faced down Axel's father. He could take Xion no problem. Roxas pivoted and slammed Xion into the far wall.

"Just who do you think you are", Roxas spat. "Get out of here."

Xion's dark eyes flashed as he reached up to stroke Roxas's clenched fists. "You have no right to be here and you know it", he said softly. "_You're_ the one who hurt him."

"The hell I did!" Roxas pulled him away from the wall and slammed him back against it again so hard his teeth clacked. "He's my boyfriend. _Mine._"

Xion scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Now why don't I believe that? Why don't you sound absolutely certain?"

Roxas glowered. "How did you get in here?"

"Same way you did."

Roxas's grip slackened for the scantest instant in his confusion. That was all the opening Xion needed.

His fist came harder than Roxas expected it to as it dug into his jaw.

Roxas flew back and tasted blood. He grunted, colliding with the far wall.

Xion tsked and shook his hand, licking gingerly at his split knuckles. "You know, that was the first time I've ever punched somebody as a guy. I can see now why you buffoons get so into it. Quite the rush."

He blew across the irritated flesh, stalked to tower casually over Roxas who still saw stars. "Get up."

Roxas didn't move.

"Get _up_, I said."

His hands buried themselves in Roxas's clothes and hauled the blond's unwilling body to its feet. Xion looked over at Axel and grabbed Roxas's chin as he made him do the same.

"Look at him. He almost looks like he's sleeping doesn't he? Lucky for you, he's awake now."

Roxas's eyes flicked to the figure on the bed and felt his face melt into an agonized, silent scream. He was so close. He reached out a trembling hand. "Oh my god...Axel." He needed to hold him.

"He's mine Meguriaukagi. You'll never touch him again."

Axel sat up slowly, his long legs reclined on the gurney. His green eyes shone sharply in the mellow light from the bedside lamp. Roxas offered him a smile he didn't return.

That should have been what Roxas noticed first. But he couldn't focus on anything as his eyes fogged with tears.

Roxas took a step forward but Xion was suddenly there, standing between them.

"Tell me again. Why are you here Meguriaukagi?"

"What do you mean why am I here? Why the hell are you here?"

"I've always been here. Don't you get that by now?"

It didn't matter that Xion was still special to Axel. It didn't matter that this was a hospital, a place where one needed to respect the healing, the dying, the recent dead.

All that mattered was that this son of a bitch was here. Standing in Roxas's way.

He struck out, three blows in quick succession that had Xion's head snapping to the side. Roxas snagged him by the lapels of his jacket and swung him into the wall again.

Xion slid down the wall, hand over his nose to stem a trickle of blood. But his hair fell over his eyes with a sly smile.

Roxas lost it. "Leave. He's not—"

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing to my boyfriend?"

Roxas stiffened, looked over his shoulder. Axel sat up straighter on the bed, his glare laden with enough animostiy to turn Roxas's knees to jelly.

Little beads of sweat beaded the redhead's brow and the strain made his skin pale a shade or two.

Stepping over Xion's legs, Roxas approached the bed cautiously, all the righteous strength suddenly sapped from his muscles.

"Axel? Baby, what are you talking about? You can't have hit your head that hard." He meant it as a joke but it soured the moment he said it as Axel turned grey and began to tremble.

"How do you know my name?"

"It's me, Roxas. _I'm_ your boyfriend. Remember?"

His frown darkened and his eyes dulled with pain. Roxas cupped his cheek and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb but Axel jerked away from him with a feral glare.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about but so help me, if you do anything to Xi again, I'll get out of this bed and kill you myself."

Roxas drew back like Axel had physically struck him. "You can't be serious", he rasped. "Not after all we've been through. Axel, _look_ at me and tell me you honestly don't remember. Come on…please, don't do this." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm your Roxy", he finished in a pained whisper.

Xion picked himself up and dusted his hands on his pants. "I'm your Roxy", he taunted.

Axel shook his head then placed a hand over his eyes, body hunched. "Xi, enough. I can't hear myself think. What's…"

Xion brushed past Roxas and circled around to the other side of the gurney. He rubbed slow circles up and down Axel's back to calm his erratic breathing while the other boy examined his hands as if the answer to this whole conundrum was somehow clenched in his fingers. His anger melted into confusion, then something resembling loss. Finally he met Roxas's gaze again, kindly this time as if Roxas was the mental one. "I'm sorry. I really… don't know you."

Roxas staggered back and groped for the support of the far wall. Ghostly fingers walked up the side of Rosas's neck. He cringed and shied away.

Xion smiled sympathetically as he murmured, "I think you should go. Axel needs to rest."

Roxas looked up again to see Axel resting his forehead against his palms. His body quivered harder. Roxas almost thought he was crying. But Axel never cried.

For the first time Xion and Roxas agreed on something. Roxas needed to go.

Roxas stumbled from the room and into the hallway. As he picked himself up, he ran headlong into something solid. _Someone _solid. Roxas backpedaled and shook his head.

The doctor straightened, shifting his chart from one hand to the other as he looked Roxas over. The same one that had talked to them at first.

Roxas blinked up at him absently and tried to move past him but the doctor gripped his elbow.

"Wait a minute, son."

Able to take a good look at him now, Roxas realized he didn't like what he saw. His large eyes were a different shade of green than Axel's. His long, platinum blond hair made Roxas nervous. It wasn't often he saw other foreigners.

"Roxas?"

Roxas answered before he could think better of it. "Who are you?"

"You may call me Kori Vexen."

Roxas rolled his shoulder to slip his arm out of the doctor's grip. "Is there a point to all this?"

"I know your mother Roxas."

All the air left Roxas in a single, dizzying rush. The man who delivered his mother's death sentence. He hadn't killed her himself, but he might as well have.

"Knew." It burned as he spat the single word out.

"Pardon?"

"You _knew _her. She's gone."

He fell silent for a long moment then dipped his head. "My regards."

A muscle worked in Roxas's jaw.

"I'm sorry Roxas. She was a good woman."

"Yes, she was." He looked at the chart in Dr. Vexen's hand. "Are you treating this guy too?"

Vexen nodded, his eyes drifting through the glass into Axel's room. "It's a miracle he didn't have more brain damage. He was very lucky."

Roxas nodded. "Try not to kill him too, huh?"

Dr. Vexen's eyes flashed in warning. Fuck him.

"Dude, wait up. I'll leave with you."

Demyx jogged up and stood by Roxas. He glanced at the doctor then back at Roxas, his brow slowly climbing higher.

"Am I missing something here?"

"Have a nice night, Doctor", Roxas snapped before dragging Demyx away by the elbow.

He didn't have to look back to see the calculative gleam in the other man's eyes. Fuck all of them.

White morphed into black. Green twisted into different shades of betrayal.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"I say we stake his junk to an ant hill, then throw little pickles at him."

Roxas cradled his head in his hand and smothered a tired laugh.

Leon rolled his eyes and slipped a cigarette between his lips with one hand. He struck a match and cupped the flame as he puffed his cigarette to life. In the off-light, he looked older. More tragic.

"I'm totally serious! You know the kind…"

"Dill or bread-and-butter?"

"Bread-and-butter. Just because it sounds cooler. He deserves it! Where does that little fucker get off?" She reached onto the table and picked at the remnants of their meal, popping a pickled radish into her mouth.

Roxas was curious too but let Yuffie do the wondering out loud for both of them. He should be tired. By all rights he should be exhausted enough to never crawl out of bed again. But Roxas's brain was wired. He was so awake that everything felt too surreal for words.

Like…a crack addict. His body was getting addicted to drama. _Dearest mother who art in heaven, your son needs more hair gel and a new hobby._

"I saw that damn doctor too." Roxas snorted. "Vexen sounds like a stripper name…"

"What doctor?" Leon leaned over Roxas to flick his ashes into the trashcan.

"What?"

"You said something about seeing a doctor. Getting sick?"

"Oh, uh…"

"Spill it emo boy", Yuffie said.

Roxas kicked her from under the coffee table. "Stop calling me that."

"Stop changing the subject then."

"Anybody want another beer?" Demyx popped his head out the kitchen with one can in each hand and his tongue somehow poking through the pull tab of a third.

Roxas blinked at him."Why are you here again?"

Demyx drew his arm back but paused mid-toss to grin at his newest glaring best buddy. "Free booze, good company, nothing better to do. It's not like I was going to hang around when Xi got there. I was just waiting for you. He…gah! It's still so weird to say that!" He shook his head like that could somehow turn Xion back into a girl. "Xi only got there like five minutes before you."

Roxas deflated and turned his glare to the edge of the table as if it were the table's fault he was minutes too late.

Yuffie held up her hand and Demyx followed through, tossing her one of the cans before handing the other one to Leon and claiming the one in his mouth for himself.

"How can you talk without cutting your tongue on that thing?" Yuffie bounced in place and cracked her can open, not spilling a single drop. She cocked her head to the side and leaned forward to poke it when Demyx claimed the spot next to her on the carpet.

"Years of practice." He winked at her in a way that made her cheeks pinken a little. "I'm Demyx by the way." He reached over to bump knuckles with Leon and snatched Yuffie's hand from the floor to kiss the tips of her fingers.

Leon glanced from one to the other and burst out laughing. "You two are practically perfect for each other. Hear that Yuff? He's good with his mouth and just as moronic as you are by the sounds of it."

Yuffie punched him in the chest and looked away, refusing to acknowledge Demyx's cocky grin. " Don't listen to that bozo Kisaragi. You aren't so bad." He wiggled his eyebrows to emphasize his point.

Roxas choked. "Okay first: why didn't I get a beer? This is my house! Second: seriously? Ew! Third: …no! No third! Just, ew!"

The other three blinked at Roxas until he fidgeted.

"Bitter much?", Yuffie giggled.

Demyx regarded his beer can. "Roxas, you don't have any stuffed animals I can molest. I have to go for the next best thing."

"Not that again. Ugh! Save it for the party. And as much as we like bagging on Yuffie, she's not a creature feature. What is it? A dog, a penguin…?"

"An overactive capybara?" Leon supplied. He scooted closer and pulled Roxas against his side. "Shut up and have a sip."

Roxas took the can and brought it to his lips, sampling the sour amber liquid before pulling back with a grimace. "Gross. What the hell is this stuff? It tastes like camel piss."

"Wow. Resident expert on camel piss, eh? That's beer sweetheart. You're too young to appreciate the fine taste." Yuffie giggled and scooted herself back over towards the table.

"No I'm not", Roxas grumped. He saw her leg brush Demyx's but decided to let it slide. He could only be so much of an ass. Who was he to step in the way of someone else's happiness?

Even so it couldn't stop the ache in his chest, like someone was kicking a fresh bruise on his heart. He wanted to recoil, to cry by himself as he wiped the blood away and put ice on all his bruises, physical or otherwise. He was frightened of what tomorrow would bring, but as he looked around his living room, at the tv Axel had bought recently, on mute with a gameshow in the background, at people he was slowly accepting as _his_ friends, he realized he wasn't alone. Not in one way at least. It eased the sting a little.

There was a time and place to mourn. No wasn't either. So he put on a brave face and said, "Bullshit. That's camel piss."

"Make up your mind. Bull shit or camel piss? Whatever it is, it gets you buzzed." She winked.

Leon plucked the can out of Roxas's hands and took a hearty swig. "Now that that's settled. Let's pop in one of my DVD's. It's been too long since I've had my Randy fix."

Yuffie wrinkled her nose. "Leon, what is it with your chronic addiction to blonds?"

"They really do have more fun", he said flatly. "Now do my bidding, woman."

Yuffie bounced to her feet. Demyx was somehow faster and beat her to the punch though. Her eyes widened comically as he snatched the remote and the _Queer as Folk _ box set to hook the whole thing up. She sat back down slowly, at a loss until Demyx came back and picked her up before setting her in his lap with a note of finality.

She gaped at him but after a moment of shifting to get more comfortable she shrugged and settled with her head resting back on his shoulder. Demyx moved his hands to her lap and leaned against the foot of the couch.

"Hey", Roxas groused, fully intent on ruining their mood. Leon tugged him closer again and braced his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. Much like Yuffie, Roxas could admit defeat when he knew it was inevitable.

He took the can from Leon and downed the rest of it in three long swigs, crushing the evidence in his fist with a huffy burp.

Leon laughed softly.

Just for tonight. Just tonight, he could rest against this foreign heartbeat and drown his sorrows in someone else's gay drama. And camel piss.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o

Roxas dozed off at some point. When he opened his eyes again, the TV was switched off and the room was swathed in comfortable gloom.

He blinked groggily at Yuffie and Demyx who were curled up on the couch. As he shifted to try and stand, Roxas noticed a blanket had been covering him. Leon was nowhere to be found.

Roxas pulled himself to his feet with a gravely, cranky yawn and picked up the blanket. He loomed over the assumed new happy couple and gripped the blanket, weighing how badly he wanted to smother them. Not badly enough.

A bitter, ugly part of Roxas felt like they were throwing this in his face. But the rest of him thankfully knew better. He still wanted to wake them up and make Demyx sleep on the floor. Instead, he draped the blanket over them and smiled as Demyx pulled Yuffie closer with a sleepy murmur.

Turning, he picked his way through the mess they'd made. When he got to the bedroom, he paused. Truthfully, he knew Leon would be standing at the window staring out into the night. He knew Leon would be standing tall with his arms crossed over his chest, a cigarette poised between his lips, keeping watch over them all because Cid was getting older and Axel was out of commission.

Roxas knew all this yet it still came as a shock when the door creaked open and he saw him.

Maybe it was the fact that Leon was the only guy Roxas trusted enough to step foot in his room aside from Axel. Maybe it was the idea Roxas was weighing in his mind, about the possibility that they could both be of use—at least for a short time—to lick each other's wounds and heal. Roxas was a blond after all, even if he wasn't all that fun.

Or maybe, just possibly, it was the resounding truth Roxas knew: they couldn't. There was no one else for him.

Leon was Leon. Nothing more and nothing less.

He turned when he heard door. "Did I wake you?"

Roxas shook his head and ran a weary hand through his hair. "Sorry if I slobbered on you. I do that in my sleep sometimes. Or maybe Axel was just…"

He slapped a hand over his mouth—realizing what he said too late—and choked as the tears pricked, then burned, then flowed without pause. Dammit!The pain had found a crack to slip through and it poured out now like thick tar, threatening to consume him. Roxas screwed his eyes shut against the fresh onslaught of grief and grit his teeth, sinking to his knees.

Leon set the unlit cigarette down on the side table and came to kneel by Roxas's side.

Roxas felt fingers slide through his hair, knead the tired muscles in his neck. They worked down to press lightly into Roxas's back.

Leon's chest rumbled as he murmured comforts into Roxas's hungry ear, his own voice scratchy with pain.

"He's just…he's teasing me again… isn't he?" Roxas sobbed between hiccups. "Like he always does. There's no way he could forget me, right?"

Leon wrapped Roxas in his arms and suddenly the blond was rising into the air. He carried Roxas to the bed. The smaller boy clung to his neck and shuddered with fresh tremors. "He… he…"

"Shh, I know. I know it hurts. Rest now." What else could he say? Leon didn't have answers, none good anyway.

So he dislodged Roxas's arms and tucked him under the covers. He raked his fingers through blond hair again in a way that beckoned Roxas's already tired body back into the realm of sleep.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"_You are such a silly child."_

_Roxas squinted around the white room.._

"_M-mom?"_

"_Over here Roxy. Come sit with momma and tell me what's bothering you."_

_Roxas glanced over his shoulder and suddenly there she was, garbed in a simple white dress and sitting with her feet tucked under her in a plush, ivory colored armchair. A second armchair sat empty next to her. Roxas's feet moved lightly and he flumped down next to her._

"_Where are we? What is this place?"_

_She smiled and gave him a conspiratorial wink. "I called in a favor. Now, why don't you ask what's really on your mind?"_

_Roxas's momentary elation dropped as he flinched. Even in a dream mom could see straight through him. Of course this was a dream. His mind was at it's limit, groping for comfort wherever it could. "Mom?"_

"_Mhm?"_

"_Can people disappear? I mean, is it so easy for someone to completely vanish? I feel like I shouldn't even exist."_

"_Roxas Meguriaukagi, tell me I did not lay through twelve hours of labor and spend so much time raising a son who could talk with such hopelessness."_

"_Ok, I won't."_

_She twisted her mouth. " Look at me when I'm talking to you!"_

_Roxas dragged his eyes over to his tiny mother, righteous and indignant as she sat up sideways and pointed at. "Nobody ever truly disappears. We live on through the people around us. Memories are not something that can be obliterated without a fight. And they are not something that can be taken away willy nilly by anyone."_

_He swallowed as she placed her hand on his and continued. _

"_The memories are still there. He's just lost right now. All things will right themselves with time. Help him piece the fragments together."_

"_How?"_

_Mom snorted. "Do you really think he was just twiddling his thumbs while he was unconscious in that dreaded hospital? We had a nice long chat, I assure you. I watch out for my boys." Her lips curved in a sly smirk. "By the way, you really shouldn't leave your toe nail clippings everywhere. I don't even know where you got that nasty habit."_

"_Mom! That's gross!"_

_She gave his hand an affectionate squeeze._

_A lump rose in Roxas's throat."I'm scared."_

"_As you should be. These things are never simple. There is nothing that claws its way into your heart better than fear…except love. Be strong my boy. I'll always be watching over you."_

"_Mom, wait. Not yet. Please, just a little longer…"_

_She shook her head and smiled again, unable to mask the hint of sadness this time. "Wake up Roxas."_

"—as. Roxas! Wake up! We're going to be late man."

Roxas cracked an eye open and groaned. His hand hovered above his head and there were stale tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah, I know. Me too. But good news buck-o. This is our last day. Then we can par-tay!" Demyx shook Roxas's shoulder again then rushed over to pluck one of the uniforms out of his closet.

"Can you not butcher words so early in the morning please?"

Demyx yelped as Leon kicked him out of the way. He stepped forward with a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. It was the most perfect wake-up call Roxas had had in a while.

He took the coffee and breathed in the fragrant steam before munching gratefully on the toast while Leon said, "Finish eating and get dressed. If you hurry you'll just make it in time."

Roxas nodded, swallowed his last bite with a scalding sip of coffee, and got off the bed. Yuffie wandered in with a piece of toast stuck in her mouth too. She rubbed her eyes but squeaked when Demyx ripped a chunk of bread off with his teeth.

"Thanks for the meal babe. See you tonight?"

She blushed and nodded, unusually silent. Feeling impish and still a bit cranky Roxas said, "If this is what it took to quiet Yuffie down somebody should have tapped that ages ago."

Leon bent his head back and barked out a laugh. "That's what I've been thinking all morning." He turned to Demyx who's brow was furrowing and clapped him soundly on the shoulder. "You, my man, are either really really brave, or really _really _stupid."

Yuffie kicked Leon in the ankle. "Shove it Squally. You're just jealous." She stood on her tippy toes and smoothed Demyx's frown with a kiss. He instantly softened, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist and nuzzling into her neck. She squeaked and tried to squirm away but he held her still.

Leon walked back to the kitchen.

Roxas rummaged for a uniform, forgetting Demyx had already pulled one , he squawked, "Hey! Don't go digging through other people's unmentionables!"

Demyx grinned. "But these particular unmentionables need mentioning." He gripped the offending garment by both ends and snapped it so there were no wrinkles.

"Buzz Lightyear boxers? Really Roxas?" Yuffied buried her giggle in Demyx's shoulder.

"At least they aren't Woody boxers" Roxas mumbled to no one in general. He stripped out of his pajamas and caught the wad of clothing when Demyx tossed it his way.

He wasn't shy about undressing in front of Demyx, or even Yuffie for that matter. She was one of the guys.

Leon poked his head back in as Roxas finished pulling on his school jacket. He pointed at his wrist and Roxas nodded, casting around for his bag. "As much as I hate to disturb you lovebirds, we've got to get going or we're really going to be late. Leon, let Cid know what's going on."

"Will do."

"Yuffie?"

"Mm?"

"Don't touch anything. And get your tongue out of Demyx's mouth so we can go."

She stuck her tongue out as Roxas walked past them with a smirk.

Demyx released Yuffie reluctantly. She gave him a chaste peck on the cheek then bounced off to go help Leon clean up in the kitchen.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

They decided to meet at school the next day despite it being closed. Thankfully, neither Axel or Xion were present, so it was a stress-free prep session for the party. Demyx and Roxas leaned on their desks in the empty classroom, waiting for Sora and Riku to return with a ration of _Yakisoba pan_, chow mien bread they were pinching from the nearby market. Roxas sized him up.

"Please tell me you two didn't get your freak on on my couch last night."

Demyx glanced over with a sly smile.

"You realize she's like, practically thirty right?"

"She's twenty-two. And a gentleman never taps and tells. But enough about me. What about you and that hunk-o-leather? Are you a new thing now, or what?"

Roxas clucked his tongue and sat back on the desktop. "Never in a hundred years."

Demyx tsked. "Now that's not juicy at all. How boring."

"You're one to talk. Anything is better than boinking Yuffie."

"Will you lay off her already? She's not that bad!"

Roxas laughed and they both looked over as they heard their names.

"Think fast!"

Roxas snatched the package out of the air as Sora tossed it across the room, causing Leon and Yuffie to duck and grumble. Riku took the more civilized approach and handed Demyx and Leon their share. They tore in hungrily.

"So, let's make it in a few weeks to give Axel some time to recover?" Sora said around a mouthful of noodles. Riku reached up and swiped some sauce from his face, licking his finger.

Roxas chewed and let Demyx answer for them both. His mind roamed until he felt a hot stare between his shoulder blades. Twin pools of aqua were trying to dissect Roxas from their place behind Sora.

Roxas swallowed his last bite and raised an eyebrow. "See something you like?"

Sora looked up at Riku and frowned before snapping his head back to look at Roxas. "Oh yeah! That's what I forgot. We saw Axel and Xion. They aren't coming though. Axel shouldn't even be walking around yet. He just got discharged yesterday. Hey, Roxas? You okay?"

Roxas swiped his mouth to hide his irritation.

"Ex-nay on the Axel…uh. Eh", Demyx flailed.

But it was too late.

Roxas found himself wanting to rip every little blue hair strand out of a certain person's skull. "So how are we going to get there?"

"I'll swing by your pad to pick you up since you haven't been to Sora's yet."

Roxas arched a brow at Demyx's over eagerness. "You just wanna lip lock with Yuff some more."

He blushed and smiled as he bit his bottom lip, but didn't deny it. Yuffie giggled and twined their fingers together.

Roxas grinned and waved at them as he walked down the empty hall. When he got outside he took a deep breath that stung his lungs. It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

As he exited the gates, he promptly smacking into _another_ wall of solid flesh. Roxas was pretty good at that, especially when his mind was elsewhere. "Gotta love human obstacles. Feels good man", he muttered, rubbing his nose. When he looked up and saw it was Marluxia sneering down at him, Roxas groaned. He rolled his eyes heavenward, not in the mood. "Let's just get the pummeling over with, okay? I have somewhere to be."

Zexion and Saix both exchanged a look. Marluxia nodded. "Very good faggot. You're learning."

Roxas slid one foot forward and had a fist buried in Marluxia's stomach before any of them could blink. He brought his elbow down in a quick strike against Marluxia's neck and down he went.

Shaking his arm out, Roxas looked at the other two. "Are we really going to continue?"

Zexion looked almost apologetic as he shugged. Saix draped Marluxia's arm around his shoulders and helped him up.

Roxas turned when they began to walk away. He didn't know why it came as such a surprise when a sharp sting erupted on the back of his own neck.

Then more feet, more punches, it would never be enough; each piling on a fresh layer of pain until it was all that sung through his veins. Then, nothing.

The first thing Roxas saw was red. But not just any red.

Axel stood over Roxas as Marluxia panted and cradled his bleeding lip, face drawn in white fury.

"You again!" He stared past Axel and his eyes warped, darkening. His animosity muted, he dropped his hand. "Fine then. I understand. Let's go."

Bewildered, Saix and Zexion followed.

Axel turned back to Roxas and placed a warm hand on his ribs.

"Are you alright?"

Another voice. "Axel, you shouldn't be straining yourself. Let's get you home babe."

"I can't just leave him like this."

Xion curled his lip but spun on his heel and stalked off down the road without another word.

Axel helped Roxas to his feet but the blond jerked and bent over, coughing again.

"Hey, hey. Slow and easy now."

"Don't touch me", Roxas spat. Before his mounting anger could get the better of him, Roxas straightened with a shudder. "…thanks."

Axel's eyes sparkled in their familiar way as he grinned ear to ear.

Roxas wanted to scream. _Don't smile at me like that, like I'm not special, like I'm just a nobody to you. _

"No problem. You look like you've done this before. Why do you let them pick on you?"

"I don't think 'let' is the operative word here." _You started all this. You pulled me out of my shell, you attracted their attention, and then you abandoned me, left me behind to fend for myself._

Axel shrugged and remained close as they walked in the opposite direction, toward Roxas's apartment. Roxas narrowed his eyes. Why was Xion letting Axel follow him? He looked over his shoulder and had his answer. Xion stared back at him haughtily a little ways down. He'd take him back when Axel had satisfied whatever sick urge drove him to talk to Roxas because he couldn't be forceful just yet.

Axel limped closer in case he needed to reach out and catch the blond again. "Are you going to the party?"

"Yeah, I guess." How cruel could he get? Even though Roxas knew it wasn't his fault, Roxas wanted him to go away.

Axel grinned again and rubbed the back of his neck. Then he winced with a soft curse.

In spite of himself, Roxas asked, "You ok?"

Axel nodded. "I don't remember much about the crash, or before it. But my ribs and shit still hurt like hell. The doctor said I'll be feeling it for a while."

_I never should have let you go. It's my fault. _All Roxas said was, "That sucks."

They walked a little longer in silence before Axel spoke again. "So where are you headed, stranger?"

Roxas winced. "Don't call me that, Axel."

"I was just trying to be friendly. Oh that's right! Your name was…uhm…"

"Roxas."

He snapped his fingers and laughed before gripping his sides with a grimace. "We're quite the pair aren't we, Roxy? All banged up."

"Eh, we've been through worse." Roxas clapped a hand over his mouth, regretting the slip of tongue immediately. Damn Axel for making him so comfortable, for lulling him into weakness like this!

Axel stopped walking and gripped his temples as if someone was stabbing him there. "Uhh…" he groaned.

"Axel? You ok du—"

Axel covered his ears, screwed his eyes shut and screamed. He crashed to his knees, panting and gripping his hair with white knuckles. Roxas limped over, panicking as he cupped Axel's face.

Passerby on the street were starting to turn in their direction to see what all the fuss was about.

"Axel. Axel! Look at me! I'm right here. Axel! You're okay. I'm here… "

His eyes forced themselves open. The look of anguish on his face as he reached out and clung to Roxas rooted little glass shards in Roxas's lungs.

"Don't touch me", Axel bellowed, throwing himself out of Roxas's grip. "Why does it hurt to look at you? Who the fuck are you?"

In a startling burst of strength Axel scrambled to his feet and ran past Roxas, toward Xion. The blond whipped around and tried to grab his arm but Axel shoved him off and sprinted into Xion's waiting arms.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

When Roxas managed to slip into his complex, the elderly lady next door pursed her lips in disapproval but allowed him unmolested passage up the stairs because of the bruises on his face.

The next time Roxas saw Axel was at Highwind and the whole time Xion shopped for food, Axel stared through Roxas like he didn't even exist. Cid had to hold Leon back from pummeling them both.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

As the alarm rang, Roxas breathed a sigh of relief.

Roxas was a fool to think anything would have changed for the better when Axel woke up. He was a fool for believing they could talk, that he could apologize for not trusting Axel to keep to his word, to apologize for abandoning him into Xion's clutches without a fight. And he was a fool for hoping everything would be fine after all that.

Despite his dream, Roxas was forgetting himself. He was fading. Roxas wouldn't have been surprised to look down and find himself transparent. His delusions were short lived however when he reached into his undies drawer.

Demyx was suddenly there, bumping shoulders with him and grinning like a hungry wolf.

"Will you let me change in peace please?"

"Hurry up! They'll be here any minute."

"Keep it in your pants Dem", Roxas sighed.

After he'd dressed and bundled up, Roxas and Demyx descended the stairs.

A group of girls passed them as Roxas tucked his keys away whispering excitedly amongst themselves. He wouldn't have paid any mind to it, except he heard the words 'leather clad hunk'.

Roxas rubbed his face to keep from groaning as Demyx began to bounce. "They're heeeere" he intoned in an eerily accurate rendition of the poltergeist's Carol Anne.

Shivering, Roxas snapped, "Knock it off. Let's go."

Despite his acidic tone and aching bruises, Roxas's steps felt lighter than air.

There the other two were, waiting at the gates and engrossed in conversation with Riku and Sora, undoubtedly about the night's upcoming party. Leon had his signature cigarette in place and his arms crossed. Yuffie stood next to him in a somewhat more sedate fashion, her hands folded behind her head.

She bounced on her heels when her eyes flicked over and she squeaked, launching herself at Demyx. He caught her in midair and she wrapped her legs around his waist as they spun and littered kisses on each other.

Roxas gagged.

Yuffie raked her fingers through Demyx's mullet and kissed the daylights out of him.

"G-rated children! Keep it G-rated", Roxas snapped.

Leon beckoned Roxas to his side. "Where did you get those?" He jabbed his finger into a particularly nasty bruise on Roxas's temple.

Before the blond could waffle his way out of an explanation, Axel, with Xion on his arm, walked past and mumbled to Sora that he'd be over later.

"Ah", Sora fretted. "You shouldn't push yourself. Are you sure you're feeling up to it?"

Axel gifted him with a pained grin, palming his ribs with one hand. "I wouldn't miss one of your parties for the world Sora. Besides, it'll be the first year I can remember where Demyx has something to spoon other than a penguin."

"It's a penguin _plushy_, thank you very much. And Yuffie is not a thing!" the blond huffed as he and Yuffie rejoined the circle, fingers tangled together. They were both flushed and their eyes sparkled in their collective breathlessness.

Xion beamed up at the redhead. "See, you're remembering everything you _need_ to. You'll have it all back in no time. I won't let you go again."

Axel squeezed his hand.

"One more thing before I forget, guys" Riku mused to break the tension. "It's a masquerade so bring something along that order. Sora and I have the food handled and stuff. Leon's got the music under lock and key. So all that's left are the masks themselves. Make them ridiculous."

Roxas groaned. "On second thought…"

Leon clamped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard. "We'll be there. See you guys later!" He grabbed Roxas's bag strap and dragged him away with Demyx and Yuffie in tow.

Roxas looked back and noticed Axel's eyes lingering on him.

"Why is he remembering everyone but Roxas? That's not even right!"

Demyx shushed Yuffie but Roxas ignored them. He knew the reason.

All things would work out in time, huh? _Sorry mom, you can't be right all the time._

Chasing a whim, Roxas grabbed Leon's hand, lacing their fingers together slowly and deliberately, giving Leon the chance to pull away if he wanted. Leon looked at him and gave a little squeeze.

Roxas felt Axel's eyes slide over his back like a physical caress before the redhead glanced away. Roxas shook off the emptiness.

**Well damn. I'm sorry to see that end. O-o Roxas is working the uber weenie. I was honestly hoping to fit the party scene into this chapter but… "all good things in time!" as Roxas's mummy says. ^-^ **

**Next time for sure though…unless my fingers fly off in another direction. Speaking of other directions, I was not even intending to put Demyx and Yuffie together o-o totally unexpected, but pretty cool I think. Never even thought of it before xD… Okay so party scene maybe next time. Or the time after….blah! I'm gonna have fun with that masquerade =w= **

**On a last parting note, yes I have noticed that there is a sudden cutback of music references. But that is because Roxas's iPod is close to resurrecting itself :3 Dunno how yet, maybe on a paycheck or as a gift. But again, I guess we'll see xD**

**Thanks for reading and another thanks if you reviewed!**


	25. Chapter 23: He Stuck a Feather in his

**So I got to thinking. I said to myself, I said: I need to update more regularly on my stories and keep in better contact with my readers.**

**THANK YOU **_**Fayte80**_**, **_**Kaoru-chibimaster**_**, **_**Domino-party**_**,**_** TheMysticalQ,**__**Sukaretto Yuki, **_**and**_**Abbykinz813**_**, ****for your heartfelt reviews! I am honored that people lose sleep over my stuff x33 Ya'll almost made me bawl like a baby!**

**Dun cry **_**Tie-Me-Up-With-Jackets**_**~ I can give yew moar nao :3 To **_**Madriddler**_** (thanks for the tip about rechecking…might make updates slower so I can let the typos stew in order to see them easier…many apologies _ reread all and it was mortifyinggggg), **_**TheChemistOfAmestris**_**, and those of you who want Xion six feet under already…well let's just say that there are some things far worse than death. Much worse… *sigh* **

**Let's get back on track though shall we? To clear up any confusion, this tale is being expressed by an older Roxas who is fiddling with a memoire of sorts concerning his high school days. I try to give some hints as to when the jumps occur.**

**Party scene hyar. Macaroni art masks, booze, angst and the resurrection of Roxy's iPod! Whoop whoop! :3 Warnings abound. Need I say more? Well I suppose just one more thing… Damn you Square Enix…damn you to hash and heck! ...*cough* I mean…**

**No oen, no sue pureez~ *sparkle(?)***

**With everything that's been going on with my health I've decided to focus on one story at a time: this one being first since its my baby like I said before. Next is ASFW, Live and Learn, Kyuubi Strain, and finally Slip Away and Ponderings. Of Sin and Honey is going to fit in here somewhere and I'm reworking Zetsu Ai around so these two will be taken down. **

**Dualism took her shit down. Broke my heart. I downloaded nook just so I could keep "Surgeon General". So, I have a scene in here that gives her a nod. Because Sora is awesome. Brownie points to those of you who catch it!**

**But enough about this. **

**On with it already.**

**Chapter 23****:** _**"He Stuck a feather in his cap and called it… Masquerade?"**_

_Memories don't just come from the mind, they can sew themselves into our blood, infuse into our very muscles. The mind can lag but it isn't always necessary in remembering things, people we've forgotten. _

_The fact that Axel and I are still together is all the proof I can give. All the proof that even a skeptic like me needs. _

Roxas paused.

He'd rolled over this morning, tired and sore from more than just the business party they attended last night. More than just the mind blowing sex. It was that kind of tired where you're too awake to relax and go back to sleep, but too sore to get up and do anything.

Roxas had reached over to rake Axel's spikes over the pillow, admire his flawless pale skin in the grey morning light. Roxas still didn't fully understand why he let Xion have his way for so long back in high school. The pain and loathing shouldn't hurt so much now. They were all adults. But some mistakes stay with you. Some apologies, whether through words or actions will never be enough because wounds run too deep.

With a sleepy murmur Axel had nipped Roxas's palm, had pulled him closer in the way only Axel could pull off with such sloppy perfection. Axel had fallen into a light snooze after, with the gentle patter of rain marking each of his precious heartbeats.

It had been too much for Roxas, so he got up, fled like he always did into his study and pulled up the Word document that had dredged up his beginning.

Here he sat now.

Roxas's love had proved to be enough. He snorted and set his fingers to the keys again.

_Even with Axel's memories scattered, his body had still remembered our kisses. Perhaps that's what really saved our relationship. That and Sora's digs. I will forever be in debt for that dumb masquerade—it's what set everything in motion, as Sora so often reminds me when I take him out for coffee every Sunday. Fucker._

_Call it selfish, but I want to go out like that one couple from "The Notebook"….Yes, I'm a fag. We've been over this. That's the good thing about being serendipitous. When I do things __**I**__ don't even expect, it can all be forgiven. I have an excuse to be sappy. So there._

_Axel hates it when I make him cuddle and watch movies with me, but I remind him it's better than Leon's Queer as Folk obsession. Or Sora and his Dora… no way. Nuh-uh. I am not going to explain so it's futile to even ask. Some things are beyond my reasoning. _

_Boots is pretty badass though. That monkey knows how to accessorize. Not gonna lie. _

_Focus…focus…._

_I can't help rubbing it into Noah's face that when a car came, Axel didn't die. At this point I usually get whatever extremity he's leaning against bitten. 'They're inside the pretty box Roxas. They can't hear you Roxas. Shut up Roxas.'_

_Blah, blah, blah. _

_But I digress. Back to my original thought._

_Which was…uhm…_

_Oh yeah! The Notebook! So, remember the part where they are at the very end and it's the scene where Noah and Allie are sitting down to dinner? How they talk about the story, and she asks how it ends, and who she chose? _

_Then suddenly Allie's old eyes light up, and she doesn't look lost. She sees her younger self at Noah's door with her belongings, ready to stay for good. She starts crying, realizing that the man in front of her is the man from the story. _

_They dance and kiss, and he is happy she remembers. _

_He is content to forget all the pain from being forgotten and it fades away in that rare, glorious moment of remembrance. He is resolved to the fact that sticking by her side was worth it, because there were still moments like these, moments of love that not even disease could take away. She asks about the kids, and tells him to tell them she loves them and that she is sorry for something no one can blame her for. _

_He says "I love you", and she loses it again, saying she doesn't know him. He tries to touch her and she screams and backs away. With three simple, complicated, words we see Allie's loss of an already tenuous memory again. _

_Yup, at this point I'm totally bawling all over myself. I mean, I can relate you know? _

_Tissues. Tissues, and cocoa, and bon-bons, and teary cuddles. _

_Need I remind you? _

_F-a-g. And damn proud of it now. Better late than never. _

_The movie fades, but it's not over. We hear the nurse rush into Noah's room, and apparently he has another heart attack. He's rushed to the hospital, and gets better. Back in the retirement home, Noah creeps to Allie's room. She remembers him as Noah again. She asks him things like if their love can survive anything. What will happen when she loses her memory completely, what will Noah do? They hold hands, and she asks if their love can keep them together forever. _

_They fall asleep like that; sharing a bed, holding hands. The nurse comes in the next morning to see them in the same pose, since they passed away. Their love let them die together._

_Now, no. _

_I'm not going to say the end to my story is some __Nick Cassavetes production. I'd only wish for something like that, but who knows? Its still unwritten. I still say that we could all at least get an A-listing on Logo though. _

_Hm._

_I suppose this is one of those moments where you ask, "So what happened to Xion and the rest? Why the jump? What the fuck is going on!?"_

_Here's your answer. Buckle up kiddies. _

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

"You're serious", Roxas groaned. He glared down at the mess spread out on his coffee table.

Yuffie shoved her face in Roxas's with an obnoxious grin.

Roxas glowered up at her then glanced at Demyx's equally happy grin, and Leon's mildly horrified one. Then back down at his coffee table.

"You can't be serious" he groaned again.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Oh come _on _Roxas! Macaroni art is cool!"

"The fact that you think it's cool just proves how lame you are", Leon muttered.

Roxas glared at the paper plates, scissors, glue, glitter, googly eyes, feathers, and a pile of other stuff that didn't bear dwelling on. Demyx snatched a plate from the table and a pair of scissors, hacking at it with the practiced fervor of a preschooler.

"This is the last time I let you do the shopping."

"Demyx was with me too!"

"Okay…rewind. This is the last time I leave you unsupervised." She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off, "Without a _responsible _influence. And you", Roxas growled, turning to poke a finger inLeon's chest. "Why didn't you stop her?!"

Leon scratched his chin and appraised the pile of stuff on the table with a mixture of respect and resignation. "Because I was with you eating food and stuff?" He turned to look at Yuffie, eyeing her carefully. "I don't even know how she hauled all that in here. She's such a tiny thing…and there's…so much."

"I'm not a thing. Hello? Where were you people like ten pages ago!? I'm a ninja!"

Leon blinked. "We were chilling in the prologue to escape from you...you and your perk and quirk. Poor Demyx. Tell me, do you use the same methods during sex? Houdini Dem's pants right off?"

Yuffie winked and Roxas gaped.

Demyx ignored them and perched by the coffee table, sticking the tip of his tongue between his teeth and frowning with laughably intense concentration at the halved plate in front of him. He reached for the glue and hesitated for a moment, snatched it up and dribbled a healthy amount in furious patterns all over the surface.

Leon pinched the skin between his eyebrows and fought a smirk with obvious effort.

"Yuffs… I can't decide between the pink or the red glitter. Help meeee" he whined.

Roxas hid his face in his hands.

Leon bent over, shaking and making strange noises as he suppressed his laughter.

Yuffie beamed as if she wasn't about to demolish what little self-respect Demyx had left. "See? It's a totally manly hobby!"

Leon straightened and swiped at his eyes daintily with his pinky. "Demyx isn't exactly what I'd call manly."

Demyx chucked a popsicle stick at him without looking up from his creation-in-progress. Leon dodged and snickered while Yuffie ruffled her fingers through Demyx's mullet.

Roxas tried to step back—and had almost succeeded—until Leon's body stopped his retreat.

"Oh no…" he said darkly. "If I have to do this, I'm taking you with me."

Roxas glanced up at him, his mind working. "You think they'd be insulted if we murdered them and danced on their entrails?"

Leon's face twisted up into a thoughtful expression—as if seriously considering this venture—before he barked out a laugh. "I've always wanted to try the cabbage patch on Yuffie's corpse."

Roxas nodded solemnly. "I call dibs on running man then."

Demyx looked up, some glue smeared on his jaw. "That is both horrifying and surreal. But don't touch my girl."

Yuffie grinned and kissed him then returned to her own plate. With a collective sigh, Roxas and Leon resigned themselves to their fates and joined in.

Five minutes later, Leon cursed when Yuffie accidently sneezed and sputtered glitter into his eyes.

"That stuff is like herpes of the art world. Gets everywhere and never fucking comes off. Ouch, dammit!"

"Sorry! Sorry, just hold still. I'm almost done." Roxas bit his lip.

"Don't you dare laugh."

"I'm not…laughing", Roxas said around abortive little snorts. He gentled his movements as he dabbed at Leon's teary eyes with a warm washcloth. "My offer for double homicide still stands, you know."

"Please don't tempt me."

"Better?"

"Hold on." He used Roxas's shoulder for leverage as he rocketed to his feet, aiming for Yuffie.

The tiny girl squeaked and vaulted up, fleeing to the farthest reaches of Roxas's apartment as Leon coiled a kitchen towel around both knuckles with practiced ease and charged after her.

"It was an accident! I can't control my snoz rockets! Ow! Dammit Squall! Mercyyyy" she howled. They ran out of sight as he chased her back into Roxas's room. More shrieks punctuated three sharp snaps of the towel.

Then…silence.

They both lumbered out a moment later, one looking extremely satisfied and the other gripping her stinging bottom.

The muscles in Roxas's stomach twitched and burned as he laughed. When Yuffie sat back down, Roxas rubbed at his throat and cleared it, giving her his best shit-eating smirk. "Can we please not use my kitchen amenities to abuse each other?"

"It was for a good cause" Leon growled as he shook out a cigarette from his pack.

"And Squally-butt started it."

Roxas's brow arched. "Serves you right for playing with the big boys."

Demyx cleared his throat irritably. "Spanking Yuffie is my job."

Leon rolled his eyes. "You're a sick man Dem."

"Well, at least my pants don't look like ass-less chaps."

"What?" Leon's gaze sharpened. "You want to run that by me again, son?"

"I said" Demyx pronounced more carefully, "Your pants. Look like. Ass-less chaps."

The brunet recoiled his towel and bum rushed Demyx, the latter of which scrambled up and dodged with more success than his woman had. But it still wasn't enough.

Roxas smirked and reached for some string to loop through his cut-out mask.

Yuffie giggled when a hassled looking Demyx flopped his head into her lap and rubbed his stinging bottom.

"And the man returns" Roxas drawled.

Demyx grinned. "So you finally acknowledge my raw, overt masculinity?"

"He was referring to me", Leon mumbled around his unlit cigarette. "Never insult the leather."

"Yeah" Roxas continued. "A mullet and sore ass do not a man make. I think your only redeeming quality is that you have a love of booty shorts. Granted, they may be on Yuffie. But they're still booty shorts."

Demyx made a rude noise as Yuffie traced the outline of his ear in a loving gesture. "Coming from the man who slobbers over cock."

Leon frowned and glanced between the two lovers across the table. "I knew it. Yuffie is the man in the relationship."

"Dem booty shorts. How do you hide it so well, Yuff?", Roxas asked.

"Hide what?"

He pointed at his crotch and grinned wolfishly. "That. We all know you have one. Admit it."

She gave Roxas a bland expression before snorting. "Plenty of tuck-and-tape my friend. Plenty of tuck-and-tape. But enough about my booty shorts. Look Roxas, a distraction!"

Roxas snapped his head in the direction of her pointing hand, before realizing he'd fallen for a stupid trick. A really stupid trick.

And what did he do as a follow up to falling for this stupid trick?

He looked back. Right into a blinding, sparkly cloud of pink.

Glitter really did sting dammit.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

Demyx and Yuffie twined their fingers as they walked, happier than they should have been given those masks. Were they more clever or ridiculous?

In a crass move, they had decided to make matching masks, one half of a heart covering opposite sides of their faces. When they pressed their cheeks together, the heart hugged them on the outside.

Roxas wanted to puke because as sweet as it was…

….

….there was no nice way to finish that thought.

Overnight. Seriously? What was it with some people? They hadn't even known each other for a full day and yet they were drooling all over themselves so shamelessly! Some things happen too fast.

Roxas ignored the tickle of guilt in his gut.

Leon chuckled and ruffled Roxas's hair. Roxas pushed him off and forced a grin as he examined Leon's finished product, a simple black and yellow 'Czar' number. Leon was really skilled with his hands.

Roxas reached up and fiddled with the music note he had pasted on the side of his more sedate 'Elfin' cut. They were all in their casual clothes which was a relief. Roxas didn't feel like dressing up much and the mask was actually welcome.

"Are you alright?"

"Ask me again when the evening is over." Roxas reached up and plucked yet another piece of sparkly crap off his face before flicking it away irritably.

"Roxas…"

"Please Leon, don't 'Roxas' me right now. This is my first…" Roxas choked.

Leon raised an eyebrow. "Your first party?"

Roxas nodded.

Leon's smile softened not with pity but understanding as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, giving Roxas's shoulder a light nudge. "Relax kid. You're among friends."

"Gee, where have I heard that before?" Roxas mumbled bitterly. Burrowing deeper into Axel's jacket and scarf, Roxas pondered what he was getting dragged into.

When Mom was still alive, he hadn't had time for parties. For friends. They'd moved around too much to call any one place home. And now…now he had someplace to start roots. Both Mom and Axel had left him stranded in a new world.

It felt so right it was wrong. It hadn't been more than a couple of months and here he was, walking with a group he would have never foreseen himself with.

Their steps carried them into the fading night.

Roxas's mind slipped into the kind of trance that one succumbs to when taking a car ride. His ears ached for music and he reached up to rub the tip of a lobe absently.

Leon noticed because he said, "Hold out your hand a moment."

Roxas complied without thinking about it. Leon pressed something small and rectangular in his palm. Flabbergasted, Roxas pulled back and gaped at the iPod nestled between his fingers as if his hand had been made to hold it.

The iPod was sleek and silver and beautiful.

Roxas hazarded a glance up at Leon, whose eyes were twinkling behind his mask. Roxas blinked fast and sniffled. "You really didn't have to. Man, this is…"

"I know. Just take it. Yuff and Cid and I all pitched in to get it. Preloaded with some of my personal favorites. Keep them or wipe it and start over. Whatever. Just smile and pull that stick out of your ass tonight, okay? Let's have a good time."

Roxas swallowed and nodded, clutching the precious music player a little tighter to prevent his hand from shaking. Scratch one reason for bitterness. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all. He popped a bud into his ear and reveled in the subdued clicks as he searched for and pressed shuffle.

They kept walking for a while until Demyx spoke up. "Look alive guys."

Roxas halted and gaped at the sprawling complex, gates thrown open to admit the partygoers. "Seriously?"

Steps echoed in the dark all around them, clashing with the thumping beat of music coming from a house that was presumably Sora's. More people materialized and headed toward the beacon of fun.

In Mejiro.

Sora fucking lived in Mejiro! Roxas's stomach turned as they all crossed the street from humble, small dwellings into a neighborhood of subdued opulence.

Mejiro was a high class residential area in the metropolis, one of the more elite residential areas in Tokyo**. **All the paved streets in the compound were lined with trees so that the tenants could make the most of the different seasons of Japan. The streets were also private property, safe for children, which was a direct opposite to the hovels Roxas called home over the years. The neighborhood was supposed to be quiet but all the houses around seemed unconcerned with the uproar spilling from Sora's home.

"Are his parents American or something?"

Leon rolled one shoulder in a lazy shrug. "Nobody knows. One of them must be because this place is usually reserved for foreigners."

"Why does he go to our school instead of that American facility then?"

"Because he's Sora", Yuffie giggled. "A universally accepted little bundle of awesome."

"The kid's a total freak", Demyx snickered. "When we were in freshman year, we took a fieldtrip to a prison—"

"Who does that?"

"It was for sociology class, shut up!"

"Ah", Roxas said.

"Anyways, the next day I guess the prison called his house. Riku told us they said that somehow, in like, the space of three hours he'd single-handedly converted twelve hardened convicts to various religions, drawn multiple teary confessions from nine criminals, taught four embroidery classes—"

"Sora knows how to embroider?"

"No, which is the funny part. Let me finish! And yeah, even with all that he volunteered in the kitchen and caught the bus home with us on schedule."

"Jesus…" Roxas indulged himself with another flash of blatant envy. Color him green.

"_**I'm blue, if I were green I would die, if I were green I would die…"**_

Mood music…goddamn.

"Not Jesus", Yuffie said around a shrug. "Just Sora."

The compound across the way, The Tokugawa Village, comprised of approximately five acres (or six thousand _tsubo_), and was built on the site of the residence of Marquis Yoshichika Tokugawa—the 19th Head of the Owari Tokugawa Family—who was the biggest and most famous daimyo amongst the relatives of the Tokugawa Shogun. He was like…the Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. The cheese on the enchilada.

Yoshichika was a boss. And everyone knew it.

Thirty three independent two-storied houses for rent and a women's student dormitory were built within the compound. The houses, dotted amongst trees with sunshine and singing birds—a green oasis in the concrete desert of Tokyo—were all built with wood.

Three thousand years of history showed that due to the high humidity in Japan, wooden houses, rather than stone or concrete ones, were the most comfortable to live in. And thankfully, one day, someone had decided to pull their thumb out of their ass and go in that direction.

Ovens or freezers were no longer the norm.

"Look at the little gardens", Yuffie squealed, tugging on Demyx's arm.

He grinned. "The abodes built by _Homat Houses_ all have gardens."

In Japan that was like…woah. Because you don't even have to turn your head and your nose is already in someone else's armpit.

"While designed exclusively for foreign residents, the houses retain a touch of Japanese taste, and are well equipped with up-to-date facilities. The spacious and economical households have a floor space of 1,926 - 3,339 square feet each (about 53 - 93 _tsubo_), with three to five bedrooms, and are a type of home not to be found amongst the 'mansions' and apartment houses in the down-town areas of Tokyo", Leon volunteered.

"Thank you, Mr. Home and Garden", Yuffied teased.

"Shut up", Leon snapped. "As I was saying", he pointed across the way, " Over there are the Mejiro residences that are a little flashier and roomier than the norm in the compound. I'd kill to be this close to the Yamanote line. It'd make getting to work easier."

"And school", Roxas added.

"Stop bitching you two", Yuffie said, "You're starting to sound alike."

Roxas and Leon flipped her off simultaneously.

"Sora's a lucky little fucker."

Leon shook his head. "Maybe. Riku lives with him most of the time because his parents are like, super famous photographers. They're always off somewhere."

Roxas cocked his head. "I guess that explains a lot."

Leon snorted. "Right?"

Roxas's laugh was strained. A fresh bout of nervousness erupted again to mix with the swirling jealously in the pit of his stomach. Somewhere in the back of Roxas's mind he heard mom chiding him. _"Your music is too loud baby. Just relax. You'll be okay." _

Roxas shook his head and turned the music up louder.

Leon pinched Roxas. "Quit."

"Hey!"

"Quit pouting."

Roxas huffed as they trudged up the drive of a white and grey number that had streamers of tinsel everywhere. Demyx snickered as he reached forward to press the doorbell. The door swung open to reveal a very tipsy Sora and a blessedly toasty Riku, who was standing close enough to the other to bring him to heel if needed.

Roxas quirked an eyebrow at the 'Coming Out' butterfly cut of Sora's mask. He grinned and slinked forward to drape himself over the blond with a huffy burp. Roxas grimaced apologetically at Riku—whose face was tightening more by the second behind his 'Debonair' mask—before pushing Sora off him and back into Riku's arms.

"Glad you could make it Roxy poxy oxyyyy", Sora slurred with a bat of his eyelashes.

Roxas rolled his eyes as the group filed into the foyer. A foyer that was bigger than Roxas's entire living room. Seethe, rage, snarl.

"How much have you let him have?", Leon asked.

Riku smirked. "I only _let_ him have 2 beers. It's not my fault he snuck half a bottle of whisky and a couple of ginzo bombs while I wasn't looking."

Yuffie snorted and shrugged off her jacket, the rest of them following suit. "That's our Sora!"

"_My _Sora" Riku corrected tersely.

Yuffie snorted. "Whatever. You just want to nail him."

Riku smirked but didn't deny it.

"So where's the food? I'm starved!", Yuffie said.

"Come on!" Demyx tugged her hand and led the way through the throng.

"What kind of undies does Axel wear", Sora bawled.

"None", a voice said behind them. They turned as Axel and Xion passed them. "The devil wears nada", Axel called back over his shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows rakishly. The two disappeared into a dark room that buzzed with music and the sparkle of a disco ball.

Sora's head snapped up as the throbbing beat changed from Gaga's _Love Games _to Daft Punk's _Derezzed_. "Oh, this is my jam!"

Roxas hadn't realized he'd tensed up until Leon kneaded his shoulders. "Calm down."

Blowing out a deep breath that left him dizzy, Roxas plucked the earbud out and tucked the precious contraption in his pocket. The absence was immediate and left him feeling naked.

Sora tugged Riku's arm and they drifted off to mingle on the dance floor in the other room.

Roxas bit his lip and jumped as a group of giggling girls pushed past him to ogle Leon and bother him for a dance. He put his hands up defensively and tried to get back to Roxas's side but the blond shook his head and smiled at him.

He wasn't the only one with a broken heart and Leon needed to cut loose a little too.

"Go ahead, have fun."

There's a thin border between friendship, sympathy, and love. The more time they spent together, the more that border would blur.

"Roxas, wait!"

Roxas ignored Leon and turned his back, pushing through the crowd. Some people he recognized from school but most he didn't. Sora knew _a lot _of people.

As he stepped onto the dance floor the music crescendoed.

Roxas felt the rise and dip with his entire being. It started as just bouncing on his toes. But as he closed his eyes, walked past the subwoofers, and felt strobe lights pulsing on his skin, everything melted away.

Suddenly all that mattered was rolling to the bass, circling his hips every time the beat dropped, throwing up his arms in reverence to this unique religion and pushing his sweaty body to meet the hard rhythm.

He lost himself in the pressing sea of bodies; swaying, hopping, dancing to each thump and flicker of the music as it throbbed in everyone's chests like a second heartbeat. It was easy to keep his eyes closed and float on the sweet ether of funk.

_Derezzed_ faded into _Uprising_. Then into Family Force 5's _Numb_. The lights flashed; punctuating each sound, each step, each dripping bead of sweat.

Close enough to taste. Bright enough to hear. Loud enough to feel.

The high was indiscernible. Only once did Roxas crack my eyes open. His hips pressed against some guy's front—another blond who he vaguely remember being named Tidus—but that wasn't what he focused on.

In front of him, a little out of the way of the other dancers, Xion and Axel sat together sipping drinks. Xion leaned forward to whisper something in Axel's ear. The redhead threw his head back and laughed like he had the first day Roxas met him.

Roxas felt his eyes darken, closed them, twisted into the arms that pulled him into Tidus's tanned chest. He leaned forward and mouthed the words of the song against Roxas's ear in a hot rush while he led Roxas's wrists to drape around his neck and held them there, their hips scissoring in tandem.

"_**You half smiled for the first time in ages. The unforgettable genesis of next is beginning. I can't get you out of mind. Drifting alone, please tell me why...But there's no easy answer."**_

Roxas bucked and rolled with him, pushed and pulled at the temptation and freed himself as the chorus stretched on into insanity. Roxas snaked his fingers through Tidus's flaxen hair, damp with sweat, and yanked his head down, knocking his 'Astral' mask askew.

"Just dance", Roxas growled. A third body pressed behind Tidus's back, yanking him away. Leon.

Roxas stepped back and continued by himself.

"_**Genesis of next. Please tell me! Is this a test? Hey baby, do you need some help? You are alone... lonely planet…"**_

Leon pressed closer to Tidus and beckoned Roxas who stepped out of his reach. Always moving. Always spinning.

When a couple of songs passed, Roxas's legs began to sting in that weightless way from exercise that is too addicting to stop. But he stopped anyways. Behind him, Tidus protested as he was tugged from Leon by the brunette girl Roxas remember being by his side last time they'd met.

Roxas's stomach rumbled, so he stepped off the floor and wandered around until he found the kitchen. A foot suddenly stuck out and tripped him. Roxas hit the floor with a curse. Rolling, he wasn't fast enough to regain his feet as Marluxia pressed a foot against his stomach. Xigbar and another guy with choppy silver hair stood behind him, both like caged animals who'd caught the scent of fresh meat.

Roxas gasped and pushed up but couldn't get Marluxia to move.

"Meguriaukagi, Fancy meeting you here", he shouted over the din. Marluxia's smile took on a jagged edge as he slid his foot enough to grind his heel into Roxas's bruised ribs. "They'll just let anyone into these things won't they?"

The other two chuckled behind him.

"Boys, disperse!"

Three heads snapped in the direction of the command that cut through the thump of the muffled music. Cloud stepped forward and pushed Marluxia off.

Roxas ignored his proffered arm as he got to his feet and dusted off.

Marluxia sneered but as Cloud advanced again he back off and drifted into the crowd.

Roxas shrugged away the hand Cloud placed on his shoulder before elbowing his way through the press of bodies until he came to the buffet table in the kitchen. Roxas loaded up a plate with more force than necessary and wandered out onto the balcony to seek some refuge from the suffocation of the party.

Cloud's low voice spoke hesitantly beside him, "Are we cool?"

Roxas chomped down on a cheese cube and propped his chin on his knuckles as he leaned into the banister. Cloud approached.

"Yeah, I think you're just the greatest thing since chunky peanut butter." Sarcasm was indeed the better part of sanity.

Cloud's mouth twisted. "I know you think you hate me but—"

"There is no thinking here Cloud. I do." Roxas practically ripped the little sausage off its toothpick, in what he hoped was a symbolic way. Roxas chewed.

Cloud's throat bobbed with a nervous swallow. Silence stretched between them like an impenetrable wall until Cloud tried again. "They say variety is the spice of life."

"Yeah, and they also say misery loves company, but I didn't ask for this little heart-to-heart now, did I?"

Cloud regarded Roxas sadly for a moment behind his 'Glitter Eyed' mask before his gaze drifted off to study the surrounding area. "You came tonight didn't you? Obviously, your misery doesn't love company. It _needs _it."

Roxas jutted out his jaw. "And why are you here?"

Cloud shrugged. "Sora's parents wanted him to have a chaperone. I'm a friend of the family. Here I am."

"And…" Roxas paused for dramatics before he pumped as much sarcasm as possible into, "_Professor Fair_?"

Sheepish, Cloud grunted. "At home grading papers." He smiled then, the purple of his bruise where Roxas had decked him dappling into a healing yellow. "About those boys though. It won't get any easier. They won't stop until you do something. Have you talked to one of your teachers? Zack would help you."

Roxas snorted. "_Zack _has way more to lose than I do if he's found out. If the school catches wind that he's gay, he'll get canned on the spot. And I've got a big mouth."

A shadow passed over Cloud's features. He looked like he wanted to say something but Roxas beat him to it.

"This isn't America, pretty boy. And I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of bitchy little fags like you who just decide on a whim to barge in on a good relationship and ruin other people's lives. Good people that don't deserve it. So no, I haven't nor will I ever ask _Zack _for help."

"Hey, Leon and I? We've made our peace. Besides, he seems to have found another blond to play with."

Roxas glared at him as Cloud rolled his eyes. "Not you drama queen. I was talking about Tidus. They're cute together. Look."

Against his better judgement Roxas followed Cloud's pointing finger and peeked inside to watch as Tidus extricated himself from the brunette's side and snuck back over to Leon who was getting a cup of punch. Tidus rose on his toes to whisper in Leon's ear. The taller male grinned and nodded, setting his cup down and grabbing Tidus's arm, dragging him back in the direction of the dance floor.

"So why are you still hung up on it? These things happen. We have the right to be with whoever we want, we have the right to move on."

"Have you ever been lonely? It's an empty, black feeling. You're surrounded by darkness and nothing exists until you find that presence that bathes you with light. Sure, its corney, but the truth often is. It's either that, or ugly, or beautiful. Or indifferent. Whatever..."

"Then you get it?" Cloud's face softened with hope. "Someday I hope you find someone whose presence is enough to soothe your pain—"

"Get it? I hate you. People like you leave people like Leon and me behind. What about us, huh? What about—"

"_Ahhh_", Cloud sighed triumphantly. "This isn't actually about me at all, is it? There is something bigger here. You're hurting. Tell me why Roxas."

"Why should I?"

Cloud almost opened his mouth to start in on Roxas again but the smaller blond turned to dump his plate in the trash and stomped back inside, through the kitchen.

"Roxas wait…", Cloud called after him.

"This conversation is over."

Roxas lost him again easily enough and fought for purchase against the shuffle or party-goers. This time it was somewhat easier. Roxas hugged the wall and made his way over to the staircase before shooting upstairs.

He tried the first door but pulled back when he stumbled on a pair necking teens. "Sorry", Roxas mumbled before closing the door and shaking his head. He tried the next one.

Which was blessedly empty.

It was dark so he groped along the rough plaster until he found a light switch and clapped it on. Soft light from two bedside lamps flooded the room.

Exhausted, Roxas trudged forward and face-planted on the plush duvet. Done in earth reds and browns and golds, the room was a welcome sanctuary from the blinding glitz downstairs. Roxas sat up and let the toes of his creepers ghost against the carpet, feeling the steady vibration of the music as it pulsed through the rubber soles.

He scowled and bent to rummage in the drawer of the bedside table, emerging triumphant with a small notepad and a pen.

As he'd done the day he wrote Axel the poem, Roxas let his mind slip into the trance unique to all artists. He touched pen to paper and the soft scratch of words filled the silence.

_It's funny how when you're alone for a while, it doesn't bother you. That is until some person or persons (respectfully or otherwise) barge their way into your life with reasons they claim are for "your own good"._

_It's even funnier when, having been alone for so long, you wonder how you ever went without such a friendly presence. _

_But perhaps the funniest thing of all is that people…no, relationships in general, are like drugs. _

_They consume us, we crave them, and they drive us insane until we aren't ourselves anymore. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. That difference being we don't realize how much the former sucks until it's too late. It's just a load of cause and effect bullshit that leaves one feeling like a complete and utter jackass._

Roxas scowled at the soothing carpet and let his pen hang loosely between his fingers. He wanted to be part of them so much, these people who laughed and danced without a care in the world. He wanted it with a part of him he never knew existed.

He wanted Leon's fortitude, to move on. He wanted to stay happily marooned in the past. But Axel wasn't there anymore.

Roxas wanted, and wanted, and wanted. His pen wrote two more lines.

_Want in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up faster._

Roxas screwed his face up. How can one even begin to contemplate putting pieces back together when they can't see the whole picture?

Maybe Xion was better for Axel, after all. The little twat had been there when Roxas hadn't, both in the past and the present. He had seen…_known_ parts of the boy that Roxas could only wonder about.

That guy…well, girly guy…guy girl? Fuck. Xion! Xion had experienced his fair share of pain too, by the looks of things.

Roxas wondered what was worse: having known the love of family and friends and then having it ripped away, or not having it at all.

Roxas knew that answer and he hated the flare of pity that rose in him for Xion. His fingers stung as he remembered tracing them along Xion's mother's gravestone.

He too, knew loss.

Roxas set the pen and paper down and hunched over so he could hug his knees.

Damn.

Maybe Cloud was right.

Maybe Xion was…

Roxas heard tromping down the hall and voices raised with more than rancor that comes from alcohol. For absolutely no reason at all (why the hell should he hide?), Roxas dove for the far closet and managed to snap the door shut just as the very object of his ruminations got shoved into the room.

Roxas peered through the wooden slats of the door with wide eyes when he saw Marluxia not too far behind. His breath hitches so he clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his rasps.

Both heads whipped in his direction and he waited a breathless moment before they relaxed again, assured of their collective privacy.

Marluxia slid his 'Hostile' mask over his hairline and leveled a glare at Xion. "We had a deal Shio." Marluxia reached forward, snatching the boy's chin between his fingers and squeezing. "You have yet to deliver your side of the bargain."

Xion slapped the older boy's hand away, flicking his blue-black hair out of his eyes and jutting his chin defiantly. "Yeah. We did have a deal. But I'm on the verge of losing everything I ever cared about. I can't let that happen."

Maybe Xion was…

A snarky little prick. That's what he was.

"Know your place! You would chain your heart with false memories? Cast your heart's freedom aside? You turn from the truth because your heart is weak."

"He still hasn't forgotten Roxas. That man you paid to get behind that wheel did a sloppy job. _And_ he damaged parts of Axel that were supposed to remain intact. Axel is in pain every single day because I can't take Roxas's place. No matter what I do. No matter what I say, he still remembers their bond. He just can't name it…yet."

"Tell me what I need to do."

Xion scoffed. "There is nothing more you can do. Believe me, you've done enough."

"You can't just write me off."

One side of the Xion's mouth trembled in a tight smirk. "Some say vengeance is a poison that infiltrates the soul and strips it bare. That it's path only destroys the one who treads it. But to others like me, it's mother's milk. It nourishes, thrives, and festers—giving people like me a reason to survive when we have nothing more to hold us in this world. Defeat does nothing but feed that part of the soul that demands a rematch. So long as there is life, there is hope. So long as there is hope, there is determination. The need for vengeance treads by the side of the defeated, ever a cancerous comrade. What more can you take from me?"

Marluxia blinked. "I thought I was one for convoluted speeches." He opened his jacket and slid out a gun. Faster than a blink he was across the room and shoved Xion into the wall directly opposite of Roxas's hiding place.

The cold butt of his gun lodged beneath Xion's chin. Marluxia thumbed the saftey and the soft click echoed through the room, oddly reminding Roxas of the sound of a broken heart. "Do you know who I work for? Do you know how much you still have that I can take, how much you still have to give?"

Xion turned away but Marluxia fisted a handful of dark hair, wrenching his neck back so they kept eye-contact again. He crushed their bodies together. Xion squirmed, a tiny pained gasp escaping when Marluxia tightened his grip.

"Allow me to show you. You may not be the little girl you used to be but, before my role in this is over, you will cry like one. You will beg my forgiveness for dragging me down into this insipid disease you and all your little friends languish in. I crave you little Xion. And I will have you."

Despite the threat of the gun, Xion's eyes flashed. His fist came up but Marluxia caught it, jerking Xion's entire arm around and pinning it behind his back. Marluxia pressed the gun in the soft space behind Xion's ear and jaw.

Xion panted, pressing himself as close as he could to the wall to escape the crippling pain.

With both their backs to Roxas now, their voices were harder to hear. Roxas strained.

Xion kept his eyes trained on the wall as Marluxia sank his teeth into the younger boy's neck. He ground his teeth over the skin and sucked; bruising, marking. Warning.

Xion jerked but clenched his jaw in a silent cry and breathed in sharply through his nose to prevent from whimpering. It might have succeeded if the older boy hadn't wrenched his wrist.

"I can take your heart", Marluxia spat. "I can take your body and your mind. And the best part?" He dragged his tongue up Xion's neck to his cheek, where he nipped lightly. "You'll beg me to do it. I promise you."

With a soft "oh" Xion arched his spine and threw back his head to ease the pressure of Marluxia's tightening hold.

Roxas swallowed, surprised they couldn't hear the thunder of his heart or the rush of sweat dripping from his temple. At any moment he expected to hear the sickening snap of bone. But it never came.

Marluxia tucked his gun back in his jacket and flipped Xion around, tore off his "Linz" mask, and devoured the younger boy's trembling lips in a violent kiss. Only when Xion squirmed for air did Marluxia pull back. But not before he breathed another vicious promise against the smaller boy's lips. "Mark my words Xion. I won't say them again. I have delivered your Axel to you on a silver platter. I'm about to make short work of Roxas. So you have one option. Give yourself to me, or I will take you by force."

He let Xion slide down his body slowly as he rested his head against the wall. Marluxia stepped back and let his threat smolder in the air as his eyes roved over Xion's quivering form. "I expect your answer soon."

He pulled his mask back down, tugged his clothes into order, and stalked out of the room.

When his footsteps couldn't be heard anymore Xion's whole body erupted with disgusted shudders and he let out a small wounded sound. He reached up and jerked his wrist across his eyes, dashing the tears away angrily.

"No... I'm n-not... The person I was before... wh-at…what have I become?" He choked and curled in on himself. The bed quivered from the force of his stifled sobs and the notepad Roxas had scribbled in earlier plopped on his head.

Roxas cursed under his breath.

Xion sniffled and ground the heels of his hands against his burning sockets before picking up the pad. He calmed down as he read it, then let it slide from his hands. It fell to the carpet with a heavy thump. He scrunched his eyes closed and smacked his head against the wall a couple of times. He reached up and clawed at the smooth plaster; damning Roxas, damning Marluxia and Axel, damning himself.

"I just…I…"

His shoulders shook and he let out another strangled cry, grabbing at his chest. His fingers raked against the bite wound on his neck before they roved over the abused ligaments of his shoulder, kneading slightly. He rolled his arm once, twice. Looked down at the floor with a frown and grit his teeth, the effort of swallowing more tears costing him.

After a moment, he collected himself as he rose on shaking legs. Xion turned so Roxas could see him fully, tucking stray hair behind his ears in that gesture Roxas had come to despise.

In the soft light, Xion seemed to be staring at Roxas, right through him. Roxas looked back knowing Xion couldn't possibly see him from his hiding place. Xion's lips trembled a little.

Then he did the impossible.

He smiled.

Forcing a smile is one of the most painful things you can make yourself do when all you want is to scream and cry—Roxas knew Xion did.

But Xion smiled, and kept smiling, his lips tinged with desperation as he stumbled from the room, mask in hand.

Roxas's muscles cramped as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He opened the closet door cautiously, wincing at its loud creak, and steadied himself against the nightstand for a moment.

"What…the fuck was that?"

**Genesis of Next by Globe. Damn good song from a damn good show. Miss cyborg 009 T^^T Uhm, lol ****Eiffel 65**** xD They have so many subliminal messages in just one song. Gotta discover their secret. As Nirvana once put it, "****He's the one who likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun. But he knows not what it means…" MARLUXIA YOU BASTARD! I think I'll have Mama Xem give him some shit. Oops…spoiler alert(?)**

**Seriously xD I wanted to mince lyrics with this one because it seemed perfect. Dun kill me? Kthx. Oh! And I can haz…praizes? ReviewzZzZz? :3 **

**I'm gonna rewrite it because I forgot I wanted to for this version, but Roxas will end up going to see Axel's dad for express written permission to see Axel while he's still in the hospital because there's a rule that when someone is bad enough only direct family and those they give permission to may see the patient. I was kicking it around in my head and this confrontation between Roxas and Axel's dad has been a long time coming. **

**Xion will still weasel his way in though at the right moment. And then Roxas will be his standard cowardly self. Whattcha think? LM is a constant work in progress so I hope these changes don't jolt my peeps too much. **

**Next time: Roxas makes a new friend, sings a pretty song, and the last person he expects ends up on his door step~! o.o**

***flies away***


	26. Chapter 24: Say my Name

**Yo Yo my fizzle switches. **

**Guess who's back. Back again. Hachi's back. With more LM!**

**I couldn't resist. Forgive me(?) Anyways, next installment hyar. Please be patient with me as I get it out mk? Shuffling OSAH into here. Veld's gonna make an appearance again soon too. Always picking on the little guys. What a punk.**

… **okay! Dammit, I'm getting there xD Here you go.**

**Chapter 24: **_**Say my Name**_

**Present Day**

_There's an old song…_

_Now, take note: this can go in one of two directions: wtf is this crap, or… like, woah. This is good…?_

_So anyways, there's this old song that goes along the lines of_ _**"For love is blind and you're far too kind…Don't ever let it show. I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger."**_

"Turn that shit down", Leon roared from the kitchen.

"Shut up Leon", Roxas barked back. "I'm using it."

Indistinct grumbling came from the oven's general direction. "Rod Stewart just deflated my soufflé, dammit."

Roxas turned the radio down. He leaned back and cracked his knuckles. "Is lunch almost done?"

"It'll be done when I'm damn good and ready."

Roxas twisted his lips. Leon wasn't usually so cranky but Cloud, Zack, and Cloud's great aunt Toki were coming over today for lunch at Roxas's invitation.

Cloud still made Leon nervous, especially since Tidus and Cloud got along so well. He held to the conspiracy that they teamed up under Yuffie's command to make his life a living hell.

Roxas smiled and got up to lock his door so their shenanigans would stay out of earshot. As he sat back down, he pondered a moment then clacked out a quick line: _Granted, I'm no geezer but I can appreciate this sentiment. If I knew then, what I know now: phone numbers, extenuating circumstances, g string sizes, etcetera…Sigh. All the people were connected. If only I'd seen it sooner: the Devil's true name was not Satan, but Hojo. _

Roxas rubbed his face as his mind wandered to earlier in the day. Ugh, he needed to find his happy place.

He got up again and slipped into Axel's adjoining office just for something to do and chewed his thumb to keep from snickering at the organized chaos.

It looked like a paper bomb had gone off, things were scattered everywhere. Patches of carpet were barely visible through all the clutter.

Him and Axel had been clearing out space in the redhead's office today and Roxas parked right in the middle of the mess to riffle through old papers.

Axel had promptly thrown up his hands and run for the hills (the nearby Starbucks for coffee. Their espresso-maker was shot due to Larxene chucking it at Axel for giving her cousin a wedgie. Axel was currently missing an eyebrow. Roxas maybe, kinda, sorta left their door unlocked so Yuffie could slip in in the middle of the night and exact revenge on her Demy's behalf. They were all adults here.)

Roxas suspected Axel had a genuine paperwork phobia, though the redhead would never cop to it. So Roxas had been happy to sort important papers from old coupons, and was still tickled to take up his station again and pretend his computer didn't exist.

Some might call him sentimental, or a procrastinator, or rockstar, or amateur writer—and hey, he was human, and so was a messed up amalgamation of all these things—but like everyone else in this messed up world, he had ulterior motives too.

It was high time his husband had an environment he could actually work in and Roxas could be happy with. He was tired of tromping all the way across mansion, then hiking over their lawn (their golf-course sized lawn) when he wanted to visit Axel at work.

Roxas didn't want to be misunderstood. He was all for organized chaos, but damn…not when you unearth sentient mold under all that misunderstood genius.

And hey, if it let him take a break from unpleasant memories in the process, then all the better.

Roxas knew when Axel got home he'd grouse on and on about how—now that Roxas had so kindly alphabetized his CD's—he couldn't find a single one. Whatever.

Following a petulant impulse, Roxas scribbled in Sharpie on a piece of cardboard in large block letters: _Caution—Genius Jingle Man at Work. Charlie Sheen, please. You ain't got nothing on Axel._

He poked his tongue between his teeth and hung it outside on the door for all to see.

If the man could write a song for dancing chocolate mushrooms, then dammit he could suffer through a little cleanliness!

Roxas paused again as his fingers grazed against an old stapled essay, the paper yellowing at the edges. He read it over and grinned. It was a writing prompt he'd thrown himself into. He begrudged Zack to this day but the bastard had definitely awoken in him a love of writing. What was this old thing doing in here though?

"_**Write about the worst lie someone ever told you. Why did they lie? How did you find out, and how did your discovery change your relationship?"**_

Oh.

Right.

It was anyone's guess why this stood out to Roxas. Why it had screamed from the page so loudly then, and only now felt like a sharp slap.

Just like it was anyone's guess why the Chinese celebrated the moon festival with mooncakes (which, by the way, are like the fruitcakes of the Asian world. Tasty bastards.). Go figure.

Great Auntie Toki would choke on her dentures, smack Roxas with her (solid titanium Kbarr) cane, and beg to differ. Especially since said pastries took a lot of work to make.

Demyx was right when he pointed out, "As a note children, always…_always _accept food from angry, strange looking old ladies. It's way better in the long run than the alternative. Especially when that lady is Toki…who is…how you say…. a couple of gears short of a whole doohickey."

Cloud's aunt had some interesting takes on life. She and Roxas got along swimmingly because all these years later he still had a standing feud with her great nephew. And she copped to the fact that Cloud was a whiney punk.

"Oh, yes he is", Roxas muttered, flipping through the old pages with care.

Roxas bit his lip. The paper was clumsy at best. At worst he almost wanted to toss it into the fireplace. With enough angst it could have choked a soap opera to tears, Roxas decided to keep it.

Because the last line read:_ "Just because you don't miss it, doesn't mean it's still not missing." _

Yeah. Total choker right? Roxas had as many Dalai Lama moments as the next goober but this one…this one really stuck in his craw.

As if on cue, Roxas heard little old Toki bustle her way into Roxas's humble mansion with those damn fruit cake imposters. He knew that heavy thump anywhere.

The article in the newspaper, had Roxas refused her labors of love, might have read something like: _Corpse of extremely good looking man found in his absurdly amazing rock star fortress. Suspected asphyxiation from mooncake jammed down his gullet. Little old lady still at large. She is considered armed and extremely wobbly. _

With a huff, a cough, and a sniffle Roxas managed to get himself together enough for a proper visit. And to hide the paper again. He was not crying dammit.

Roxas slipped on his happy face and joined her in the living room where she was munching away on tiny sandwiches while Leon poured tea.

Around flying crumbs Toki said, "I swear, you and that no good nephew of mine must have been switched at birth." Roxas glanced around and silently applauded Cloud and Zack's lack of absence. It was like they could both sense Roxas's moods from afar. "Those little bastards hopped the border and ditched me again to go to Kansai."

"Aaah, I could go for an onsen road trip", Leon sighed longingly. He caught himself and stiffened when Toki's beady little eyes stung him. Leon coughed. "I mean, uh…such a shame ma'am. How could they do something like that?" He pleaded with his eyes for Roxas to cover him so he could flee back to the kitchen.

Roxas smirked and waved him away. "Now why would they do that auntie?"

Her attention redirected, Toki snatched another sandwich off the abandoned platter and sniffed.

She opened her mouth to retort…

And farted.

Leon gagged and dove into the kitchen.

To which Roxas responded by passing her a magazine for the elderly he had gotten the other day. Toki was a neat lady. Nothing really fazed her.

Keep this in mind for a moment.

With a speculative wrinkle of the nose she waved her hand in the air while chiding Roxas on his terrible fashion choices, opening the magazine and flipping idly through the glossy pages. She made an irritated noise and tossed the magazine back on the table. "Why did you give that to me? Just a bunch of codgers picking prunes from their teeth and—"

Unfortunately, after minutes of copious listening, Roxas actually had the balls to lose his temper with her.

What follows is…an account too gruesome to relive. It was terrible. Roxas's entire world went red.

Roxas said she was a kook. Roxas loved her like one of his own.

All this didn't mean he had to know what made her tick. Roxas harbored the belief that if his mom had survived, she might've been somewhat like this snarky woman.

Remember that little bit just now? About nothing fazing her? Pay attention.

"Here. Check this out." He pushed the magazine back toward her and tapped the cover.

Were Roxas's survival instincts intact, he might have scrambled to his feet and run. Or cried. Or pissed himself. Or a depressing myriad of all three. As it stands, all he did was laugh as she finally read the cover's hook.

Her drooping eyes widened comically.

Toki was right about the magazine showing off a number of pills and coupons for stuff that helped old people poop and sleep. But the thing that stood out the most was a rather satirical heading: _"Funeral homes: the latest and greatest party spot. Rush over to the one nearest you, now for one low price."_

Well, that was that.

Toki proceeded to twist Roxas into a pretzel. Leon cowered in the kitchen, a batter bowl covering his head like a battle helmet and a butcher knife clutched in each hand as Roxas's shrieks for mercy reached a fever pitch.

And there Roxas sat…laid…bled… for a couple of hours until Axel finally came home, squawked, rushed to help, paused for a second, then chuckled for a full ten minutes before managing to keep himself together long enough to release Roxas from his predicament: being hogtied with his own undies and shoved under the coffee table.

Now, Roxas was currently ensconced in bed, too sore to sit in his chair as he wrote out notes for the next chapter of his story. Despite all he'd been through, this next arc was going to be the toughest to reopen and share.

Up till now it'd just been him and his friends bumbling in a world they didn't know, kids running around like packs of dogs, not understanding there were real monsters out there, monsters like Hojo with guns instead of silly little knives and mean words.

Up till now, each of them had made due with all they had. How was Xion to know his scheme would get so out of hand? How was Marluxia to know his little bid for independence was going to get people hurt?

How was Roxas to know the choices he made would come back to bite him so hard?

Roxas rubbed his eyes and got up to limp into the living room. He sighed and prodded Axel in the shoulder. His husband was sprawled out on the couch. Roxas was still miffed at him for laughing but having him close was more important than his own dignity.

Axel snuffled himself awake and blinked up at his husband with cranky bags under his eyes. "I don't think you should let Toki visit anymore if you're feeling bratty. You always take it out on me."

"Cloud wasn't here to reign her in."

"Then don't let her visit without his supervision anymore", Axel rumbled, his voice gravelly from sleep. Tidus was watching the TV quietly, Leon propped in his lap and snoozing. When Tidus looked over in question, Roxas waved at him and Tidus ducked his head then returned his attention back to the TV.

Axel slumped over Roxas's shoulders as the blond helped him into their room.

"I wasn't being bratty. I was being sentimental. I found an old paper I wrote back in high school."

Axel made a funny sound then ran a hand down his face and flopped on the bed. "Bottom line Rox? Don't invite her over if you're possessed with the odd liking of breath in your lungs and an unbroken spine. Just because you don't miss it doesn't mean it's still not missing."

Roxas froze as Axel turned over and hummed softly into his pillow, "_**I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was stronger.**_"

Yeah, if Roxas had known about all the bullshit on the horizon, he'd have offed Xion where he stood.

Roxas grazed his fingers over the pucker on his knee, where the bullet had shattered his kneecap. Axel snatched his hand and they locked eyes in the silence of their room. Axel bent and brushed his lips over the scar.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

**The Past**

The party had gone on long enough.

When Sora tore off his pants and jumped up on the wetbar to do 'the wiggle', to LMFAO, that madness was expected. It was Sora. Sora and alcohol. And good music. But when even Leon tore his pants (chaps?) off and joined the resident lush and a very pink Tidus, much to Riku's chagrin…well.

The party had gone on long enough.

Roxas's chest kept clenching and unclenching as he fought to breathe. But what he had just heard…Roxas shook his head with a black scowl. Love didn't mean mowing down someone with a car just so you could sink your claws in him.

Roxas almost wanted to approach Marluxia and help him rape the little fucker.

Even as the thought crossed his mind though, he knew he really wouldn't. Damn him anyways. He was fucking insane.

But then, love was insanity. The ancient Greeks knew that. As they defined it, Love was the taking over of a rational and lucid mind by delusion and self-destruction. You lose yourself, you have no power over your actions, you can't even think straight….for guys who wore bed sheets, they could really get a message across.

"Okay", Roxas argued with himself, "granted, someone might be happy with a lovely wife or husband. That's alright. But it's when our brains— triggered by someone totally inappropriate—knock on our consciousness's door and tweak that sanctioned romantic love or attachment for said inappropriate person. You acquire all the characteristics of an addict. You become obsessed; you distort reality; you do dangerous things; you crave the person, you have withdrawal symptoms. Sound like anyone familiar?"

He scowled at his red plastic cup and the contents sloshing inside. He only argued with himself when he drank one thing. This had to be some good shit.

"How do we define insanity though?"

Roxas couldn't define insanity because, frankly speaking, he was too lazy.

"But I can set an example", Roxas said, pointing a single finger of mighty conviction at the ceiling. He wisely ignored the people around him who began to stare and edge away slowly. Dammit, he was on a role.

"I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that there is no dictionary in my undies drawer. But I still expect to find one when I've lost it and have looked everywhere. That's an example of insanity in its simplest form. And laziness. And highly imprudent planning."

He hiccupped and took another long sip as he squinted at the room around him. The parallelism between Love and Insanity... Roxas came to realize—surrounded by dancing lights, and with some degree of trepidation—that these two words were synonymous.

Roxas personally found it insane that, considering our way of life has indeed made a giant leap into what we call the future, the same old pains, troubles, and problems haunt people's lives. The same old greed and jealousy and loss.

"Define Love. Love is this. Love is that. Love is here. Love is there. Dr. Seuss, eat your heart out." He hiccupped again and grinned.

There was no single definition for love. Worse than that, one definition contradicted another. Roxas knew his mind was wandering. Roxas didn't give a fuck.

"Yay, wombats and whiffle ball bats", Sora screeched.

Roxas blinked owlishly as Sora sprinted by in his birthday suit while a distressed Riku chased after him with a butterfly net.

"Treating one as the other is insanity. Love bringing either happiness or sorrow, or sometimes both, is insanity. Does insanity define love? Or, is insanity love, in a negative form? But then that means… jealousy is the purest form of love…or some drivel like that, right?"

He grumbled to himself and set down his cup before bracing both hands on the edge of the coffee table, sticking his butt in the air, and very carefully proceeded to step up and rise to his full height. Roxas swayed a moment, assured by the fact that he wasn't yet slurring as he spoke in a louder voice. "Fair people, we know our love will get us nowhere but we take the risk of gambling it anyways. The result is we get hurt. And that is insanity. Foreseeing nothing ahead but still taking the courage to step into the dark. The result is disaster. In real life, it's like you know that he's already spoken for but what the hell! And that is love." Roxas stomped his foot and crossed his arms and nodded, feeling rather smug.

He stepped down again and picked his cup back up with a tiny burp. Roxas scowled when another thought occurred to him. "Or, wait, you can feel he cares for somebody but still you convince yourself that he loves you, because you love him. And again, that is love. And what about this latest crap? When you love someone you give that someone the opportunity to hurt you in a place no one else can ever touch. Isn't that insanity to the max? Or just plain masochism? Don't answer that. Seriously. I'm depressed enough already."

"Dude, who are you talking to", Demyx asked as he walked by, carrying Yuffie piggy-back to the couch.

"Quiet you!" Roxas shook a fist at the other blond and took two stumbling steps after him. "Hey, wait. Did you know? We are used to saying the phrase "falling in love" to mean "being in love". Doesn't "to fall" connote something negative, like, say, impending injury when you land? Isn't it insanity then that we allow ourselves to "fall" in love and be hurt? WhatthefuckisthisshitI'mdrinking?"

Demyx laughed. "Uh, apple juice dude."

Roxas blinked. "Ah, very good. But also! Others say, "high with love", to mean addicted with love. Just the same and addiction is even worse. To let ourselves get "high" with love is again an act of insanity. To fall is to go down contradicting the word high. With these two contradicting results associated with love, setting love in front of a well-polished mirror, love vividly reflects insanity."

Demyx gave him a funny look as he set Yuffie down carefully and sat, pulling her head into his lap. "You're…kinda rambling, man."

"But despite this shocking analogy, I still say, 'If to love is to be insane, please, take all my sanity away.' It is with pride that I'll shout to the world, 'Call me insane because I am in love! …I just hopefully won't hit anyone with a car. Or would I? Hm. You know, for this I can almost respect the little prick. Almost."

"Roxas, _what_ are you talking about?"

"Do I speak justly then, when I say that those who love are insane? Would you still love? I assume that our answer to both questions is a unanimous "Yes!" with a capital Y and an exclamation point choreographed with a clenched fist and an authoritative facial expression to stress our certainty. We are already despising the word 'logic'." Roxas fell over.

"That's it", Demyx said flatly. "No more apple juice." He got up and snatched the cup, holding it over Roxas's head as the smaller blond regained his feet before jumping and flailing for it.

Just as Roxas began to tremble with conviction and aim a kick at Demyx's shin, a girl staggered up and draped herself over Roxas with a sigh.

"Kairi", Demyx whimpered. "Sick him girl." He slung Yuffie over his shoulder and hurried away.

The slender redhead blinked after her friend with a small frown. Roxas sobered after an awkward moment and pushed her up to stand straight. Her pink dress hugged her like a dream. Blue eyes sparkled in the off light, reminding him of his own, only hers resembled those of a cat who'd just spotted her next mouse.

By the slur of her voice and the sway of her hips that had more to do with her heels, she felt this party was dragging too. The music was a dull roar now so Roxas could hear her bawling, even though he didn't want to. Seriously. Who ranted out in public like this anyway?

"Hey…hey you! Rox-a-pox. Listen, would you?"

Roxas turned toward her and quirked an eyebrow, wondering why it was he refused to guzzle camel piss and join everyone else in their happy place. He substituted apple juice. Pretty much looked the same, tasted better, and got the job done.

"Rooooo—"

"Dammit, what?" He crossed his arms and did his best to ignore Riku as he went after Leon with what looked suspiciously like a machete. The latter had been grinding up on a mostly naked Sora.

So Riku had gotten his undies back on. That took skill.

Ugh. Roxas was getting a headache.

Kairi burped and scowled. "I want to cast your mind back to every horror movie you've ever seen." Hiccup. "Specifically, the moment when the terrified woman running through the graveyard falls down and lie's there helplessly, waiting to be attacked." Another tiny, high-pitched burp.

Roxas blinked. At that point, Demyx made his triumphant return to the scene, running through the crowd with what was presumably Yuffie's underwear on his head…helmet style. He gave a mighty war cry as he pushed between Roxas and the redhead and ran until he was out of sight again.

A very flushed Yuffie did the same, nearly knocking Kairi off her feet. The irate ninja turned back and called out a quick apology without ceasing her pursuit.

Roxas shot out and grabbed her arm until she was steady again. She shook her head. "Thanks Roxas. Can we go sit?" She grabbed her head and groaned.

"Why are you even talking to me?"

She pinched his arm and blinked owlishly. "Stop being a brat. I'm venting. And you're here. And you're listening. Work with me."

Roxas sighed as she led them to a couch in the other room. She stumbled a few times but, with a few curses and what looked like only a fractured ankle, they made it. Roxas sighed again as she tucked herself against his side and gave him a platonic, very drunk snuggle.

They drifted into silence, people-watching until she whispered softly, "Roxas?"

He turned his head and lips that tasted like strawberry pressed against his own. Roxas should have been surprised, should've frozen or tried to push her away. Instead, his eyes drifted closed and he kept still while she took her kiss then pulled back. Her smile was glazed, but her eyes were sober as she gifted him with a sad smile. "Why are the good ones always gay?"

Roxas grinned stupidly before he could stop it.

Though he didn't feel a spark, he didn't feel the disgust Leon often bemoaned. Roxas went on instinct and wrapped her in a hug. "I'm sorry you've been hurt so bad." Companionship. Everyone needed it.

She nodded, her hair falling over her face as she leaned into his embrace. "Do you ever feel left behind? Sora and Riku, they were made for each other. I know they pretend otherwise, but there's no room for me in their lives. It hurts." She laid her head on his shoulder while he stroked her hair.

After a moment, Roxas said in a small voice, "I get it."

It was a shocking, the quick, strong bond they forged in a single moment; two kindred spirits adrift in an ocean of people. Roxas didn't yet know that she would become one of the most important women in his life, fierce and proud and loving as the sister he never had.

Sora's crowd had some interesting people in it, Roxas mused. He cleared his throat, sensing impending tears from the girl and blurted, "So, uh, what was your earlier point?"

"Oh, right!" She shot him an appreciative smile and sat up a little, wiping discreetly at her eyes. "So yeah. What does that flailing, helpless woman always have on her feet? 1) cantaloupes, 2) sensible footwear, or 3) high heels."

Roxas glanced down at her stilettos, bemused. "Uhm…" He scratched his chin. "Cantaloupes?"

She punched his arm. "No, dammit. Instead of agricultural products, she's wearing high heels. Granted, melons would make just as useful protective foot coverings, and they wouldn't have the drawback of _injuring your legs_." She made a violent gesture in the air. "If this were a horror movie, I'd be a zombie taco already."

"Your calf muscles shorten if you wear them too much too, don't they?"

She gave him a funny look. "The fact that you actually know that is a little scary."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Some days, I think so too. Stereo-types aside."

"Huh?"

"I'm gay. And you are?"

"Hi, I'm Kairi." She beamed and punched his arm again before snuggling in close.

Roxas laughed, and for the first time that evening it was genuine and free. "Maybe you should stop putting yourself in bondage to satisfy some evil fashion demon. Heels are like cigarettes; can them now before they cripple you later."

Kairi snorted and tossed her short hair. "This coming from a guy who wears skinny jeans so skinny he can't even run from bullies."

Roxas looked down and fidgeted a little. Maybe she had something there.

The petite girl twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "So what's your core in school?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh… music. And you?"

"Fashion."

Hello fag-hag. Roxas grinned at the irony of his life.

"How's that going?" Roxas glanced down at her heels again and she sighed.

"I'm starting to think it's really not worth it. Years ago, I saw an ancient Chinese exhibit on foot binding at the Bata Shoe Museum over in Yokohama. That's all that comes to mind when I see one of my friends…" She paused and kicked off her heels in a huff. "Or me for that matter, hobbling around on our torture instruments. It injures us. It makes us helpless!"

She punched Roxas's chest this time and he rubbed the spot as she continued. "Not only that, but it empties our wallets." She toed at one of the heels sheepishly.

Roxas nudged her. "Well, you know what I'd like to see?"

She looked up and her smile trembled a little, like she was afraid he'd send her away for being too annoying.

"I'd like to see Jimmy Choo in a pair of his own stilettos, chased by zombies through the graveyard. When he falls and is eaten, that would be poetic justice. Especially if the zombie was a woman wearing his shoes too."

She laughed and Roxas's stomach fluttered. They were comforting each other and she wasn't as exhausting as Sora or Demyx, she talked more than Leon. Shit god damn, he wished he was bisexual.

Roxas reached down and scooped up one of the shoes.

"You should invest in some Choo's. The apocalypse is coming. 2012 and all that jazz."

Kairi rolled her eyes. "The only reason why the Mayans didn't finish that stupid calendar was because they got their butts wiped out."

Roxas scratched his cheek. "Interesting way to put it. Not very nice. But interesting. Give me your foot."

She plopped both in his lap without protest and he went to work with his thumbs, kneading her insoles. Kairi hiccupped again around a moan before asking, "So, what kind of music do you like?"

Roxas fiddled with her heel, astounded at how cozy they were as he leaned his head back against the couch. A fag and his hag, ladies and germs. It was as beautiful as he'd heard.

"It would almost be insulting to try and limit it. I literally like everything."

"Even—"

"Yes", Roxas cut her off with a snort. "Even Bieber and Brittany Spears. When I say everything I mean everything."

Roxas couldn't see Kairi's eyes spark but he felt her tense. "Do you play anything?"

"I torture my guitar from time to time and sing a little."

She giggled. "I'd like to hear you sometime."

If Roxas said he didn't know what possessed him, he'd be lying through his teeth. He grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd toward the dance floor. "Wait, my shoes!"

"Leave 'em."

She groaned in protest, her hand tightening harder then relaxing when they bypassed lazily grinding bodies and ducked up to the DJ's platform. Roxas tossed a grin over his shoulder for her trust.

Roxas grabbed the DJ's neck and pulled him down to where he could hear Roxas over the pulsing music. "You're the friend Leon hired right?"

The man pulled his headphones down around his neck and nodded.

"Would you mind if I played a song really quick?"

He gave Roxas a once-over for a moment then turned his head and said, "I was just about to go for a smoke break anyways. Let me get one of the guitars down for you. If anyone hurts them Sora's dad will have my nuts."

Roxas nodded and stepped back while he unhooked a Taylor electro-acoustic guitar from its hook on the wall. Then he plugged the guitar into the p.a. system as he turned back and waited for the song to end. In the wake of the naked silence, he placed one hand over his repositioned head phones and spoke into the mic.

"Can I get your attention ladies and gentledorks?"

All heads turned towards the DJ's raised platform.

"I'll be taking just a short break, but to tickle your tear ducts and ingratiate your eardrums in my absence…" He placed a hand over the mic and leaned to whisper in Roxas's ear, "I need a name, kid."

"Roxas."

"Roxamillion will be providing you your musical entertainment."

He handed the guitar over before stepping away to go take his smoke. Roxas clambered up on the stool and adjusted the mic. The audience cringed collectively as it squealed until Roxas got it just right.

Roxas coughed and repositioned the guitar in his lap, strumming idle chords to tune it. He looked up without meaning to and his stomach dropped when the rest of the crowd stared back at him.

To sooth him, Kairi beamed up at Roxas.

The blond swallowed, suddenly feeling crushed by all the eyes in the room. "Uh…hi." His voice cracked but he didn't flinch. He swallowed again, even though the lump in his throat was taking on the consistency of cotton. "Thanks for coming out tonight."

Crickets.

Roxas flexed his fingers against the strings and sighed. "So, I'll be playing '3 Libras' by A Perfect Circle. Please listen."

A few whistles sounded and Kairi clapped.

Roxas grinned, the nervousness rolling off his shoulders as his fingers flew along the beginning strains. His head bob as the people closest to him swayed in the corner of his vision. To hell with staying invisible. He was here, alive, hurt, happy, and in love. Roxas sang:

**Threw you the obvious  
>And you flew with it on your back<br>A name in your recollection  
>Down among a million same<strong>

Encouraged because nobody jeered or chucked things, Roxas continued to pluck away and sing softly. Kairi's grin almost split her cheeks. Roxas saw Riku and Sora lumber in from the other room. Cloud leaned against the back wall. Marluxia was off to the side and, even though his eyes wandered in Xion's direction with a glare, he stood and swayed a little.

Like a magnet Roxas's eyes were drawn to the very middle of the crowd, where Xion and Axel stood hand in hand.

Xion was pale and trembling slightly as he clutched Axel's arm. Axel's eyes riveted to Roxas with determined intensity, like there was something on the tip of his tongue.

Leon and Tidus stood in the back, Leon on his knees with his cheek pressed to Tidus's stomach while Selphie stood a little ways away, hugging herself with tears in her eyes. Tidus draped an arm around Leon's shoulders as if to protect him.

They were all together in this moment.

**Difficult not to feel a little bit  
>Disappointed and passed over<br>When I look right through,  
>See you naked but oblivious<strong>

**And you don't see me**

Roxas eyes dipped back to the fret board as he picked out more of the song. He could feel the notes dancing out from him, palpable, floating above the crowd and holding them all in thrall. They were watching. Roxas was singing. All at once, friends and foes blended into one.

**But I threw you the obvious  
>Just to see if there's more behind the<br>Eyes of a fallen angel,  
>Eyes of a tragedy <strong>

When he glanced back up, Xion was gone. His voice trembled slightly as it danced along the rising melody.

**Here I am expecting just a little bit  
>Too much from the wounded<br>But I see, see through it all  
>See through, see you<strong>

The climax hit hard. Marluxia grimaced and closed his eyes, turning away. Kairi covered her mouth with both hands like she was choking on a sob. Axel…Axel just leaned all his weight on one hip and mouthed the words as Roxas sang. His eyes glowed.

He looked at Roxas. And Roxas felt right.

Roxas's voice was weak in places, tight and strained and tired, but unbreakable. It drifted through the crowd and the peace was enough to succor even the tipsiest partiers. Before it ended, the final notes lingered like a ghost of regret.

Roxas lowered his head onto the guitar as the last vibrations faded. Sudden cheers deafened him, a blemish on the peaceful dirge. Roxas snapped his head back up as the DJ came forward to hang the guitar back up and resume his duties.

He placed his hand on Roxas's shoulder and faced the crowd. With a squeeze, he spoke into the mic. "Roxas, ladies and gents." He bent and whispered, "Good job kid."

The applause continued, thunderous as Roxas stepped from the platform. Roxas's legs shook as he came down the stairs. His palms were sweaty. People were suddenly everywhere, crowding in to take a good look at the freak who could play. Roxas almost panicked but, like the rock star he pretended to be, persevered.

"Woah dude. That was great! Can I get your—"

"Do you have a—"

"—number? I want you to play a gig at my next party. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"—girlfriend? Get off me Tidus, I saw him first."

"Stuff it Selphie."

Roxas smirked at the jostling twosome. "Aren't you two going out?"

"That's a matter of opinion", they both snarled in unison. Roxas put his hands up in surrender as Kairi elbowed her way to the front of the amassed crowd. She threw her arms around his neck and he buried his face in her hair.

"Someday came faster than you thought, huh?"

"Dweebus", she whispered. "You were great."

"Tell me you're here to rescue me", Roxas whimpered.

She winked at him over her shoulder before placing her arms out in front of her and facing the throng. Roxas cowered behind her. Yes, he so did. Die again tomorrow forever, yo.

"All matters of interfacing with this rock star can and will be handled by me. Please align yourselves calmly and neatly to receive my business card. Signed autographs and more songs soon to come!"

Roxas's jaw dropped as the tipsy crowd did her bidding. He gave the tiny girl a once over and decided it would be in his best interest to never piss her off. If she could reason with a crowd like this, she could probably convince a toddler to recite Stephen Hawking dissertations. Or coerce a cow to eat meat. Or him.

Yeah, a happy Kairi was a Kairi on his side.

When the line dwindled, Roxas hoisted Kairi in his arms and carried her back to the couch they had previously occupied. Roxas plopped down and settled her into his lap.

"You're a goddess in true form, you know that? This is the beginning of a fruitful partnership, I think."

She shook her head and leaned against him as they took up people-watching again.

"You put a lot of feeling into that song Roxas. Are you okay?"

Roxas propped his head back against the couch arm. Was he? It takes a lot of balls to smile through your pain. In Roxas's case, it would take a different kind of courage to heal his hidden wound. More than he had. So he'd just put the damn thing on display.

He hoped Xion heard him loud and clear.

"Yeah…" Roxas trailed off and with that, his and his new hag drifted in the ether of their own minds. Time ceased to matter, marked by a few songs Kairi and Roxas managed to get up and boogie to before reclaiming their couch.

After what felt like a comfortable eternity, Riku came up and clapped Roxas on the shoulder. The blond shifted and moved Kairi as gently as he could to lie on the other side of the couch. She snuffled, but fell back into a doze.

"What's up?"

"I need damage control and you're it. If I have to talk to Leon one more time, I might kill him."

Roxas groaned as Kairi sighed and stretched her legs out to rest in his lap. "You owe me big."

And he did too. There were a lot of people, a lot of drunk people. A lot of icky, sweaty drunk people. If someone had to do it…fuck. Roxas sure didn't want to. But there was really no one else sober and able. Small sacrifices.

Roxas got up and stretched until his back popped. "So where do we start?"

Riku groused and turned to corral Sora, who was stumbling into people dressed in nothing but his tidy whities with a lamp shade on his head. Yeah…

"Hold that thought", he sighed and ran a tired hand through his choppy locks. "I need to tuck that little bozo in before he gets someone killed. Or me arrested for killing someone. Again."

Roxas frowned as he rushed off. Rolling up his sleeves, he leaned back and smiled at the sight Kairi made, cuddled up. Glancing over, he saw Yuffie and Demyx in much the same position. Sighing, Roxas dropped his head in his hands and felt suddenly as tired as everyone looked. What a night.

A phone jingled and Kairi jerked awake with a gasp as she groped for it and croaked a greeting. All the exhaustion wiped from her face, her eyes turning hard and serious as she got up and scurried to grab her shoes and purse. "Ok, sweetie. Don't move, I'll be right there. I'll take you home."

"Everything ok", Roxas asked after she hung up.

She gave him a tight smile. "It's Selphie. Tidus dumped her."

"Well, this disproves your earlier point then", Roxas smirked.

"Which one?"

"All the good ones aren't gay. Some are actually pretty stupid."

She laughed and shook her head, kissing him on the cheek. "You got that right. I'll see you later Rox."

"Oh, wait." Roxas fumbled for his phone and snatched hers to put the bases together. A soft ding sounded then he handed it back to her. "You have my number now. Call me."

"Will do."

She left just as Riku came back. "Let's get this done then", Riku sighed.

Countless armloads of drunk people, more trash bags than Roxas ever wanted to see in his life, four busted subwoofers, and three stuffed guest bedrooms later Roxas wanted to go home. Note, wanted to.

"So, you take the last guest room and I'll finish locking up."

Roxas glared at him and swallowed the growl bubbling in his throat. "You're serious?"

"As a fucking heart attack."

"But I want to go home!"

"And I want help cleaning the rest of this tomorrow. You're the man for the job. Nobody else will be sober enough, and I'm not about to let Sora out of bed. His mom will kill me if anything happens to him."

"So where does this leave Cloud? I thought he was the chaperone?"

Riku snorted and scooped some pizza into another garbage bag. "That douche is just for show. And cops. Mostly the cops. He has an easier time dealing with them than I do. So yeah. But he left a while ago."

Roxas looked around at the nearly empty house now, with phantom stringers hanging off the stairs and silly string on the walls. Glitter melded into the carpets everywhere and random articles of clothing were scattered in the most unlikely places. _**Veridisi Quo **_by Daft Punk played softly over the destruction.

It would take nothing more than a miracle to get the pervading stench of sweat and beer out of the air.

"You'd better head on up while you can." Riku shot him a toothy grin. "You'll need all the rest you can get."

"Who died and made you queen?"

Riku pulled a…son of a bitch. It was a machete. A black beautiful machete. That also looked very sharp. "This makes me queen. Any questions?"

"Don't run with that thing, whatever you do."

Riku's grin twitched as he inched the blade up Roxas's leg.

The blond let out a nervous laugh. "And on that note, oh queenie…"

"Hey Roxas."

He turned.

Riku scratched the back of his neck. "For what it's worth, Sora accepts you, and that means so do I. You've been through some tough shit but you're one of us now, no matter what. I just wanted you to know."

"So that means I get cleaning duties and all, huh?"

Riku's face snapped into a scowl but when he saw Roxas smile back at him, his face softened. "Exactly. No go rest plebian before I shove this up your ass." He pointed his machete and that was enough for Roxas.

He scuttled up the stairs two at a time. Nothing said motivation like the threat of sharp objects being jammed up one's sphincter. When he got to the top step Roxas plodded down the hallway towards the room he'd occupied earlier.

Sighing, he pulled out the earbuds to the shiny new iPod still tucked in his pocket and plugged in while he stripped his clothes. Roxas closed his eyes and groaned, reached up a fist to pummel gently at the kinked muscles in his neck and shoulders.

Roxas didn't pay too much attention as he pulled back the cushy red duvet and climbed into bed. He didn't even bother twitching when the door to the adjoining bathroom opened.

Yeah, fucking right.

He scrambled out of bed as a shadow fell over him. Eyes wide, He ripped out the earbuds and scrambled for his clothes. "Wh-who's there?"

A click. The bedside lamp flooded the room with soft yellow light.

Axel grinned and made no effort to pull the towel any higher over his lean hips.

**Dat tension. Axel, you dripping wet cad you. Sneakin into people's rooms and stuff. For shame. *shakes head* ****I feel like complete and utter shit. So I was only able to fit two of the three things in. Therefore!**

**Next time: The last person Roxas expects ends up on his doorstep O.O**


	27. Chapter 25:Broken Scabs

_**Sorry about the delay guys. Happy late explosion day. **_

**Chapter 25:**_**Broken Scabs**_

He was littered with bruises and scars, some familiar, and some fresh from the car crash. He looked like he'd been through hell and back but his body was still the most incredible thing Roxas had ever seen.

Axel grinned and made no effort to pull the towel any higher over his lean hips. His lean, dripping wet, steamy looking…

"See something you like?"

Roxas gulped. "I'm sorry. I didn't know Riku brought anyone in here. I…I…"

His damp spikes drooped in a cute way, making him look like a jester. Axel snorted and the movement caused more droplets to chase down his chiseled muscles. Roxas's eyes glazed as he followed the droplets down until they disappeared into the towel.

"Relax kid. He didn't. I'm in the next room over. The bathroom is just broken and I needed a shower before going to bed. Didn't want to ass up someone else's sheets, you know?"

Roxas nodded, not really hearing him.

Axel closed the distance between them and bent down. One hand still clutched the towel and the other he raised to wave in front of Roxas's face.

"Hello? Come in space cadet?"

Roxas shook his head and stumbled back, tried to focus.

"W…what?"

"I said, nice boxers. Though Buzz Lightyear is more my style. "

Roxas looked down and grimaced. The word 'Woody' was emblazoned in big bold letters over his crotch while pictures of the toy cowboy littered the rest of the space on the undergarment. Demyx had purchased the insipid things the day before for Roxas, claiming he couldn't stand the injustice on an incomplete set.

It had seemed incredibly clever at the time. In hindsight, not so much. Damn Demyx and his OCD.

Squirming, Roxas tried to cover himself as Axel laughed again and passed him. "See you in the morning Rox. Sleep well. We'll need it for tomorrow."

Roxas dropped his clothes and stared at his feet as Axel reached for the doorknob. It jiggled, and Roxas spun before he could stop himself, heart pounding. "Axel?"

He turned back and smirked. "Yeah?"

Roxas felt light-headed and pathetic and he stammered, "Uh…you too."

Nodding, Axel opened the door but he hesitated too. "You were great tonight onstage. If…if there's anything… I don't know. You know where to find me…" He rubbed his neck as if not quite sure why he had said that. One hand gripped the towel tighter and a muscle in his jaw jumped.

Forgetting about his incriminating chonies, Roxas padded over and touched Axel's arm, his throat tightening with the audacity of hope. "Are you okay?"

He glanced at Roxas sheepishly and stepped out of reach. "Yeah. I just…uh, you know. I just suddenly know you don't like sleeping in new places without…" He swallowed. "Captain Gaga. And for some reason, I know that stupid thing bit me in the ass. How do I know that?"

Roxas's heart lurched. "Are you…are you finally remembering?"

He turned to look at Roxas. He took a step forward.

If his life were a movie, the music would've risen in a dramatic crescendo. Violins would be playing. A babe would be sobbing in the background. Far away, you'd hear gunshots, and the subtitles would read _Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn._

He took another step, a fierce expression on his face.

Roxas thought solemn thoughts.

Another step.

Roxas bid Captain Gaga a fond farewell—

And then a hand rested on his shoulder for a split second before Axel's warm body pushed past him on the way to his room. Every part of Roxas wanted to chase after him, to shake him and beg him to dig a little deeper.

But there was a time and place. Tonight he was too tired.

He closed (and locked) the door again before crawling back into bed.

Tomorrow was another day.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

The next morning descended faster than Roxas expected. It was a small matter to scratch his ass, stumble down the stairs, and hobble into the kitchen. Food, on the other hand...

He glanced around at the alien cupboards and lumbered towards the fridge. Cereal was a safe bet, at least. The fridge door slammed shut, jarring at least five years from his life. Sora poked his head up and scratched his head, obviously not in the best of moods. His skin was pale, his hair messier than usual, and dark bags drooped under his eyes.

"Morning", Roxas croaked.

Sora glowered then lit up when he realized who it was. "Oh hey. Sleep well?"

"Meh." Roxas had been plagued by dreams and urges all night. He'd wanted to sneak into Axel's room with everything in him but settled for whacking off and whimpering quietly into the pillow while he spilled into a handful of tissues. He felt like shit, wretched and empty and weak.

"Hungry?"

His stomach answered for him as it let out a lusty gurgle. "Got any Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

Sora's glower returned full force. "I don't let that crap occupy my cupboards. It encourages cannibalism, you know."

Roxas cut Sora a droll stare. "Sor, everything in this room is edible. Even I am edible."

"And that children, is called cannibalism and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." Sora stuck his tongue out. "So don't tease or I'll sic my Riku on you. And he's got a big black sharp stick so you better—"

Roxas choked. "Sora. Dude. TMI, seriously."

His grin was shameless but it turned down again when their stomachs rumbled in tandem. "Food…", he groaned, draping his arms around Roxas.

"Why don't we just make pancakes or something?"

Sora turned to him with an arch expression. "You know how to cook?"

"Um…" Roxas scratched his cheek. "Not really."

"Well, neither do I. And until Riku gets up, I'm not allowed to touch the stove."

Roxas fought back a smirk. So Riku was really an all-in-one kind of guy. Roxas had pegged Sora to be more the nurture type.

Sora let out a colorful curse as he dropped a bag of frozen vegetables and it scattered everywhere.

Roxas bent to help Sora gather the melting mess, trying to ignore the unpleasant zing of ice so early in the morning. After dumping it into the garbage, he stepped to the side as he hauled open the freezer side of the fridge again. Sora rummaged in his pajama pocket until he pulled out his phone.

They both quieted while it rang until a cool female voice on the other end spoke.

Sora peeled it away from his ear and hit the speaker button, holding it like a walky-talky. "Mom?"

"Sora, baby! How was the party? Did you have fun?"

Sora smiled. "Yeah. We all had a great time. Cloud says hi."

"Oh, well tell him we'll be sure to bring him and Toki back some cookies and Kraft mac and cheese. I know how he loves that. Is Toki still fond of the girl scout Samoas?"

"I think so. Can I have some Kool-Aid too?"

"Cherry or lime?"

"Yes please."

Sora's mom laughed. "Little piggy pot. Okay, you got it." There was a muffled noise as she put a hand to the phone and spoke to someone who answered back in low tones. Her voice became clear again as she said, "Did Cloud go home?"

"Mhm. Said some urgent business came up."

"I'll bet it did, that little scamp. No honey not there, move the camera farther to the left."

The phone crackled as Sora's mom and what Roxas assumed was Sora's dad had another short exchange.

"No, it's not the angle of the shot I'm worried about—"

"Mom…"

"…yeah, It's more the lighting. Look, see here? This is—"

"Mom."

"—much better wouldn't you say? Yes. Takahiro, give us a kiss."

"Mom!"

"Goodness, Sora. What's wrong baby?"

"Mom, I'm dying. I'm hungry and want American goodies."

Roxas could almost see the woman's eyes roll on the other end. "You are not dying Sora. You're just hungry. And you'll just have to wait for your goodies."

"Ok mom" Sora grit out irritably. "Any suggestions until Riku gets up so I don't blow up the kitchen…again?"

"Hmm." The phone crackled in silence for a moment. "Why don't you eat some Totinos?"

Sora sighed. "I already looked. We don't have any."

"Nonsense child. Open the freezer."

"But mom…"

"Sora ". He cringed. "Open. The. Freezer." Her pleasant tone made both boys shiver.

Sora hauled the freezer open again. "Okay."

"Now Sora, listen to the sound of mommy's voice. Are you listening?"

"Yes."

"Top shelf."

"Kay."

"To the left."

"Kay."

"Farther left hun. Front corner."

Roxas stood on his toes and stared around Sora, whose mouth formed a small 'oh'.

"…thanks mom."

"Anytime baby. Give Riku our best and try not to destroy anything until we can get back and pay for it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Ah, our plane is just about to board. Your father insisted we double check the equipment, god knows why. But I've got to let you go now. Talk to you later, sweet pea."

"You too mom. Love you. Bye!"

"Sora?"

"Yeah mom?"

"Love you, kiss you, miss you."

Sora scrambled to disable the speaker and pressed the phone back to his ear, blushing furiously. "Mooooom, you're embarrassing me."

Roxas heard the light tinkle of her laughter and his lips quirked too.

Sora wrinkled his nose and shot an exasperated glare at him. They shared one final laugh before he punched the end button and tucked the phone back in his pocket.

"Now that that's over…" He snatched the box out and slammed the freezer shut again. "Totinos it is!"

Roxas glanced at the box, realizing he had no idea what they were. "What are totinos?"

Sora whirled around, eyes widening like dinner plates. "You don't know what Totinos are?"

Roxas shook his head and Sora clapped him on the shoulder with what could have been an evil smirk if it had been anybody else. On Sora it looked more like he was constipated.

"Totinos, my friend, are the key staple to every American teenager's survival. Like…that packaged ramen. What's it called?"

"Maruchan?"

"No…no, it's that Top crap. Maruchan knockoff."

Roxas cocked his head. "Isn't that a conflict of interest?"

Sora laughed as he plugged holes into the plastic covering on the package with a fork. "Well, people have got to eat something, I suppose." He pressed a few buttons on the microwave then stepped back to lean against the counter as it whirred to life.

They remained in comfortable silence until the microwave dinged and Sora pulled the food out. He cursed, peeled back the plastic, cursed again, and dumped the little nuggets onto a plate. Blowing on his fingers, he tossed the container in the trash and pushed the plate towards Roxas. "Try it. I bite harder than they do."

Roxas blinked at the plate.

It blinked back.

Sora rolled his eyes and plucked a totino off the plate, chewing and breathing noisily to try and cool it off in his mouth.

Roxas reached forward and picked up one as well, hissing at the temperature. Sora smirked as he drew it toward his lips to nibble. Eyes wide, he pulled back and stared at the pizza filling. "Oh."

"Mhm."

"Oh my."

"Mhmmm."

"Oh my, that's good."

"Told you sooo", he sang as he stuffed two more dough pockets into his mouth. "Staple of survival at its finest."

Roxas nodded as he took another one and popped it into his mouth. Chewing, he rested his chin against the elbow he leaned on the counter. They crowded around the plate and finished eating with happy noises, then Sora took the plate to the sink.

Turning, he walked back towards Roxas and reached out his hands.

"Now", he exclaimed as he smacked both the blond's cheeks, "Let's do this crazy thing!"

"Erm. Do what exactly?"

Sora snorted. "Oh you know; kick the rest of the people out of my house…make the fire, fix some breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping…"

Roxas grinned and rolled his eyes. "I'd look like shit in glass heels."

Sora's eyebrows shot into his hairline as his eyes sparkled with the strength of his smile. "The fact that you even know that reference is scary in itself."

Roxas shoved him. "Shut up Sora. By Riku's proclamation you aren't even supposed to be out of bed. And I should know, my anal virginity where you're dainty person remaining dainty is riding on it."

"You aren't a virgin, dude…are you?"

"Concerning sharp black machetes I am. And I'd like to keep it that way, if you don't mind. So skedaddle back up to bed before Riku makes good on his promise."

Sora sighed and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Roxas, Roxas. Let me impart some wisdom to you I learned long ago: you're only in trouble if you get caught."

He grinned until footsteps clattered down the stairs.

"I'm in trouble" he squeaked. With skill that would have made an Olympic swimmer envious, Sora dove under the table then pressed a finger to his lips. _Don't tell. Please don't tell_, he mouthed frantically.

Roxas smirked at Sora and his hiding place then turned to the doorway.

Axel staggered into the kitchen, thankfully with more clothes on than he had had last night. They both froze when they realized who the other was.

"I, uh…", Axel swallowed.

"Hungry right?"

"Uhm. Not really. I need to split. Got to go check on Xion. Just got a text from him."

Roxas felt the blood drain from his face as he gripped the counter.

Axel looked up, sensing the sudden tenseness before glancing back down at his feet. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for", he-said-as-he-swallowed-needles.

Axel tucked one hand in his pocket and gestured in the air with the other one as if casting around for the words to say. "It was…fun? I guess I'll see you later, right?"

Roxas nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Axel sniffed, frowning. "I smell totinos. Is Sora awake?"

Roxas shook his head.

Axel's mouth twitched into a crooked half-smile. "Okay…well…I'm going."

"Be safe" Sora chirped. Axel raised an eyebrow and bent to raise the tablecloth.

"Good morning Sora. Riku was looking for you, kid."

Sora paled. "Shit, he's already awake?"

Axel's grin widened. "Mhm. Better go see him. He looked fit to spit nails when I popped into your room just now."

Sora trembled as he got to his feet and plodded towards the stairs. Roxas was already at the doorway to the living room and laughed quietly in spite of himself as he turned to busy his hands with garbage duty.

"So…"

Roxas jumped and turned. Axel leaned on the jam, arms crossed with a scowl on his face.

"So? I thought you had to go see Xion?"

"I do" he retorted flatly. "But…"

"But?" Roxas prompted. He didn't look at Axel, keeping his hands on his work.

"But…I just don't feel right leaving like this."

Roxas rubbed the skin between his eyes, feeling a headache coming on. "That makes both of us", he muttered.

"See", Axel quipped. "See? So I'm not the only one, right? Were we…"

Roxas looked away as Axel stepped into the room and came towards him. He stopped so close Roxas felt the heat rolling off his skin.

"Were we..." he started again. "What…were you to me?" He cupped Roxas's face in his hand and turned the blond gently to face him, face scrunched in a grimace of concentration. "I know the others but you're a complete blank. Yet I feel you were important to me. Someone like that can't just vanish. Who are you?"

Roxas glanced away and crossed his arms but didn't pull out of Axel's grip. His hands were warm and big and familiar. It made Roxas ache.

"Look at me", Axel whispered. "Help me."

Roxas dropped the crumbled plastic cup into the garbage bag at his feet. "What do you want me to say, Axel?"

He pulled back, raking a hand through his hair as a frustrated growl bubbled deep in his throat. "I honestly have no idea. I'm with Xion. I _remember_ Xion. But you… I know things about you I don't think normal strangers should know about each other."

Roxas winced like Axel had just slapped him.

The redhead reached up and stroked calloused fingers against Roxas's cheek so gently it left a sweet burn. "I know this face" he whispered, voice heavy with pain. "Why do I know you?"

Roxas pushed his hand off and tried to step away but Axel trapped him between himself and the couch. "No. Roxas, please talk to me. Tell me why every time you come near me, my skin starts tingling. My head starts aching like someone is driving an axe into it. My heart…Please, don't run from me. I…"

He swallowed and leaned forward to take a breath in Roxas's hair. When he spoke again the words were a hot, hoarse rush in the blond's ear. "I've dreamt of holding you when Xion was laying right next to me Roxas. I know your smell. I know all the spots that make you crazy." Teeth closed around the shell of his ear. Though the contact was gentle, it send an explosion of goosebumps across Roxas's skin, rocking him to his core.

He screwed his eyes shut as Axel closed in tighter around him, clinging to his small body as if he truly did remember how to hold him.

Roxas froze and something, somewhere deep inside of him snapped.

He shouldn't have, because this wasn't Axel's fault. But pain was never rational. With all his strength Roxas pushed Axel away. He staggered back until he hit the far wall.

The green of Axel's eyes darkened with hurt as Roxas tried to keep his voice steady.

"What do you want me to say? That we were friends? Yes. That we were lovers?! Yes! But dammit if you can't see that for yourself I'm not going to crawl on my knees and beg for you back. I won't! You say it doesn't feel right with Xion, and you dream of me. But I'm not going to take a chance of hurting you further by parading it around like that viper at your feet."

"I'm…I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." Axel swallowed and hugged himself as he turned to leave, his face crumpling in on itself.

"Yeah, run away. Run away like you _always_…" He lobbed a beer bottle at Axel's retreating back but it arced wide and shattered in a sap heap against the wall

Roxas slid down and leaned against the back of the couch, hugging his knees.

The door slammed just as Leon appeared in the landing, drawn by all the noise. When he saw Roxas in the fetal position, he rushed forward and braced an arm around Roxas's shoulders, helping him to his feet. "Breathe Roxas. Come on, you need to stand on your own. I can't do this for you."

"Why did I say that? Leon, what's wrong with me?! I didn't want it like this, not like this. Not like _this_."

Leon hugged him tighter as Tidus walked in. Concerned, Tidus took two steps but Leon shook his head so he back out slowly.

"It hurts…" Roxas mumbled.

"I know. But at least you're not crying this time right? That's something at least."

Riku walked in, took one look, then asked, "Who died?"

Leon sighed and shook his head again.

Riku reached out and shook Roxas's shoulder. "Come on Rox, help me clean. It'll make you feel better."

Roxas nodded and tried to ignore the raw ache he felt soul deep. People dig their own graves, as the saying went. Now he had to lie in it.

_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_

At one point, Kairi dropped by with coffee like the Goddess she was but couldn't stay to help because she was on heart-break patrol for Selphie. Roxas was surprised she didn't seem to bear any ill will toward Leon and Tidus.

But everyone said that was just how she was, one of the quickest among them to bounce back.

It was evening when Leon, Tidus, Demyx, Yuffie, Riku, and Roxas finally got the place whipped back into shape. Sora came down to see them off but there was a grey sheen to his skin that gave Roxas pause. "Sor? You alright?"

Riku bopped him on the back of the head then scrambled to catch him as he swayed. "This happens every time he drinks if he doesn't stay in bed the next day. I told you bonehead."

Sora groaned and nuzzled into the other boy's neck. "Riku…it hurts."

Riku sighed and scooped Sora in his arms. Sora wrapped his arms around Riku's neck and snuggled closer. "We'll see you guys around okay? I have to get him back to bed. Thanks for coming. And thanks again for helping me clean up."

Roxas rolled his shoulder in a lazy shrug. "I'd say anytime but…"

Leon mirrored Riku and bopped Roxas on the back of his head. "Bye guys, take it easy", he said after he'd corralled the rest of them out.

Riku raised a hand in a wave and closed the door.

From there the group cut through the neighborhood, escorting Demyx and Yuffie back to her house…dojo…fortress…thing.

"It's a feudal estate, Roxas. Pick your jaw up off the floor." She turned to Demyx and pecked him on the nose. "Tomorrow, you're coming with me to meet Cid. I can't hold it off any longer."

Demyx paled. "The burly guy that owns Highwind?"

Yuffie dimpled. "The very same."

Leon barked out a laugh. "You're in for it Dem. She's his little princess."

"Oh", Demyx covered his face, shoulders slumped with despair. "He's gonna string me up by my undies, isn't he?"

Yuffie nodded gravely. "Probably. If you're lucky. And Cid's boyfriend will pistol whip you until you lose teeth."

"No, no, no", Demyx moaned.

Roxas looked at his watch. "Uh, guys, can we wrap up this funeral procession? I gotta get home."

Leon ruffled Roxas's hair when it was just the three of them. "I have to get home too. At least for a bit to get some stuff squared away. Are you going to be okay?"

_No. _"Sure. I'll see you later. Text me?"_ Leave me alone for a while._

"Yeah, as soon as I get the chance. Should I tell Cid to let you have some more off time?"

_Yes please. _"Nah. I need the money anyways. You don't need to walk me home. It looks like surfer boy over there is itching to have some alone time with you."

Tidus scowled at Roxas and stepped closer to Leon. The brunet laughed. "Now, boys, let's just get along ok?" He sobered as he glanced at Roxas and wrapped an arm around Tidus. "You sure?"

Roxas grunted and turned with his hands in his pockets to continue on his way alone. He turned up his music louder.

Leon waved at Yuffie and Demyx and stepped down the path he was going to take the rest of the way back to his place. "Call if you need anything okay?", he shouted over his shoulder.

"I will", Roxas answered mechanically.

Roxas popped the other earbud in and burrowed deep into his muffler, hating how the leather of Axel's jacket rubbed against him, hating how it felt better than the finest silk.

The walk was nice. Silent. It gave him time to think, cool off and, even better, clear his head.

Normally he hated being alone with his thoughts.

The guys had spoiled him lately but at the end of the day, no one could cry his tears or force his heart to keep beating or hold his hand. He was alone no matter what, in some things at least. But it was okay because things were finally moving.

Roxas could see his out-clause. Next time he saw Axel, he'd apologize and they'd move on.

Roxas took the stairs slowly as he rummaged in his pocket for keys. Flicking one earbud out he looked up and froze. The man hunched on his stoop, his face shadowed in the dim light.

"Dad?"

**_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_**

"That is _it_", Hojo spat. "You think you can mess with me and dare to get away with it?"

Marluxia kept his head bowed and grit his teeth as Scarlet and Hojo loomed above him. Scarlet walked two fingers up Hojo's shoulder with a triumphant simper. The bitch loved bloodshed more than perfume or jewels.

"You've been slacking, dammit and I expect the finest from my men. I get what I want Marluxia, make no mistake."

He blew a slow breath out his nose and kept his voice steady as he said, "Yes sir."

"Your little obsession trip ends here. You work for me, not the other way around."

"Yes sir…"

Scarlet whispered something in Hojo's ear and he paused as he looked at her. "Really now?" He glared at Marluxia and nudged the boy's chin up with the shiny toe of his patent leather shoe. "Highwind, eh? Oh that's good."

Marluxia kept his face carefully blank.

"On second thought, you may proceed as you see fit. This Xion, he seeks to mess with Roxas who is one of Cid's boys I hear. And Cid is our ticket to the beast. Find him and I'll think about forgiving your transgressions."

"The beast will come with the right bait", Scarlet said, her voice silky and sinister. "Children. He was always too soft for his own good."

Hojo nodded. "We may have use for Xion yet."

Marluxia's stomach dropped and his hands clenched into fists. "Yes sir."

**The drams. They start. **

**I've never actually had Totinos. I just saw a commercial for them with two boys that reminded me eerily of Roxas and Sora. So there you have it. **

**This is where the noose really starts to tighten so bear with me. I'll be splitting off to let that tension simmer and pursuing lines with Cloud and Zack and a "scandal" with Xion because Zack picks on Xion and Marluxia, twisted as he is, tries to help and lets it slip that Zack is gay. **

**But I don't want to give too much away ;) Next chapter will be where OSAH fits in. I'll deconstruct and clean it up then transfer it right over. **

**Marluxia is gonna have one hell of a time. Poor kid. Mama Xem is gonna give him soooo much shat, you'll see. Anywho…**

**Next time: Marluxia pushes Xion into a corner and doesn't take no for an answer.**


End file.
